The Best Way to Make Money in Crusader Kings 3

i've already shown you how to create a global hegemony in crusader kings 3 but world domination will only take you so far in life if you want to get anywhere as a medieval leader you'll need to make some serious [ __ ] cash so today i'm going to show you how to make money in crusader kings 3. the first thing we need to do is choose a character to play as i wanted to play as the venetians because they were the ogs when it came to insane wealth but apparently i'm not allowed to be a republic as an american this is triggering me but i also know that paradox will probably add it in one of the hundreds of dlcs that's bound to release over the next 20 years that's their strategy for making money but today i'm gonna try something a bit more ethical strip mining there are seven provinces in central europe with extremely profitable minds i'm gonna set myself up as the lord of one of them and then sit back and harvest natural resources in a sustainable and ethical way so i'm going to play his count ecber mostly for the name but also because he's so low on the vassal tree that no one will ever bother him i mean look at this guy who would ever have it out for anyone named ekberg and look i also have a son named ekbert ekbert jr it's just perfect right now count ekbert is as rich in this game as i am in real life so even though we're named ekbert we need to take over the mining province right next to us so the first reason i chose ecbert is that this mine is actually the richest mine in europe the person who owns this is a single woman living in the middle ages so i don't think it'll be too difficult we're gonna have our bishop fabricate claim meanwhile we have some other claims we can exercise [Music] now that i have control over the minds we can finally start making a steady income the problem is that countess hedwig over here is probably gonna want to land back or whatever and i'm not a coward but i have a solution if i can get something called a strong hook on her she can't declare we're on me for some reason to do this i'm gonna have to try something a bit unorthodox i'm gonna fabricate a hook on hedwig i don't really know how good i'm gonna be at this oh and it's done well apparently ekbert has a knack for manufacturing hooks he's a great hooker i've made a bit of money from the mines and all things considered you think that should be enough to survive but uh i have cancer and treatment costs in medieval europe are almost as high as modern america on top of that i need to leave enough so my wife and son will have enough without me and on top of that i need to make sure my son has enough money to take over the realm when i'm gone believe me with a name like that motherfucker's gonna need all the help he can get remember those hooks from earlier well if you have a hook on someone you can just get them to give you straight cash i put together some really impressive deals but this thing you pulled off it's amazing i'm sure there's no way someone could abuse this system but actually what we can do again is fabricate a hook what does that mean exactly well to break it down essentially i run up to someone and say i just made up a lie that you're a cannibal you're in trouble now buddy and then instead of saying something like you have no proof it's your what against mine who's gonna believe you how did you get in here put that down they say oh no please i'll give you whatever you want just don't spread lies about me and that's when i take all the money now i know what you're thinking this sounds like something that could get you in a lot of trouble but that's the best part there's nothing anyone can do about it well i think you found a loophole how fast you can make money is exactly as fast as you can make [ __ ] up about people so because ekbert has a knack for fabricating hooks our liege herrmann made me his spymaster so we've got a bit of land now we've got a new job working for this psycho as a spymaster but somehow i feel empty working for some overboss who just wants to use me for my high quality hook manufacturing skills the thing i want more than anything else in the world is the duchy of ost fallon why so i can get out from under the duke here who doesn't respect the fine craft of hook fabrication also i think he might be planning to kill me why don't i kill him first using a hook i fabricated on the pope i get a claim on the duchy with this i can go to war and conquer it okay things got out of hand during the war a lot of people are dead now and herman is my prisoner i could release him for a week hook but the duke is wrathful vengeful and sadistic so he's not exactly someone i'd want to leave on my enemies list he has also sworn to kill my entire family and ekbert is kind of a wuss the only safe option here is to torture and execute him with this i have been elevated to a vassal of the emperor that means i have a whole new peerage of lords to blackmail i've also made a lot of cash from extortion my wife really wants me to quit because she's scared for a family or something but it's just so fun to cook up new and interesting lies about people and i've blackmailed so well the emperor himself has selected me as a spymaster i'm in the imperial court can't you see this is everything i've ever wanted i'm an important figure how could you ever ask me to quit now that i'm the head of the medieval equivalent of the fbi i can fabricate hooks in a fraction of the time but there's just one problem i want more this is why i wanted ost fallon because whoever holds it becomes an elector of the holy roman empire but more than that i'm also the emperor's cousin in fact if my mom was my dad i'd be the emperor right now not mr i disappear behind the shed with goats for an hour frederick but this also makes me extremely eligible with this and all the hooks i fabricated on the entire electorate i can force my way into becoming the heir to the hre that means my son ekbert will also be the heir to the hre ensuring my family's future say my name ekbert you're god damn right but now i can finally put my final plan into action i'm going to blackmail everyone into killing the emperor and no one can stop me because i have hooks on everyone in the entire realm what's this apparently i'm being sued for slander by everyone that makes no sense this is a text based game it should be liable but the solution is obvious murder everyone because you can't sue someone if you're dead but if life has taught me anything it's that if you start picking off witnesses one by one someone's gonna figure it out and you're gonna have a bad time trying to take out the last five in the safe house in boca raton you gotta take out the witnesses before the marshals figure out what you're doing that means we have to have all these witnesses dead inside of two months i know you're expecting this to go faster but that's just how long it takes for news to travel in the middle ages and the clock starts now cue the dramatic music [Music] this would be so much more intense if you could actually see what was happening and with that i've assassinated my way through most of western europe all of my enemies are dead i've done it and then he was killed but of course i'm not going to say who or what killed him because i use context clues to let you figure it out on your own hi i'm youtube content creator bigbeak entertainment we've had a lot of fun here tonight but there's one problem faced by many americans i am of course talking about the real killer obesity maybe if expert had been more interested in exercise and proper diet and less interested in forming a global kleptocracy based on extortion he would still be alive today but how can i get a proper exercise in a lean diet i hear you asking well i'll tell ya down at big beak entertainment's resort spa and mining labor camp we will not only feed you nothing but work you so hard you'll feel the pounds melting off you just like a precious metal you will also be expected to melt down so sign up today it's only mandatory don't make count expert track you down and make up vicious lies about you

Channel: Big Beak Entertainment

Views: 51,555

Keywords: how to make money in crusader kings 3, ck3 gold guide, ck3 guide, how to crusader kings, crusader kings, strategy games, paradox games, video game exploit, cash glitch, ck3 hooks, ck3 gold exploit, fast money, crusader kings iii, crusader kings 3, ck3, funny, parody, ck3 funny moments, tips and tricks

Id: y_aD2vFF-FI

Length: 7min 23sec (443 seconds)

Published: Fri Oct 02 2020