The best of Hignfy series 38

now this Barack Obama he's between one-man show but nobody knows so yes this I think that's Alfred Nobel he must be the Nobel Peace Project that something you really shouldn't know about win the Nobel Peace Prize so that's what it is I think that's why do you know when what he was being honored for with the Nobel Peace Prize for Peace the most important immediate consequence of the announcement Twitter Cretaceous crashed completely and Stephen Fry had to talk to real people and Twitter went into meltdown over something else this week didn't it it's a fairly simple story there's a company called traffic guru but well worth remembering and they were accused of dumping toxic waste on the Ivory Coast and at the same time though obviously there's no connection a lot of people were very badly injured and then Trafigura paid out 30 million pounds obviously was nothing to do with them they didn't admit liability because you know you you would pay 30 million pounds to people you'd had nothing to do with them being injured so the Guardian newspaper got a really good bit of information about this story so they rang up traffic guru who immediately rang their lawyers didn't answer the question said here's an injunction you can't publish this and you can't publish the fact that we're gagging you now that's fairly outrageous that means you can't publish at all so an MP raised the question and the London lawyers of Trafigura Carter Rock who specialized in reputation management an MP in your houses of parliament tried to raise this issue and the lawyers said the press can't report what's happening in Parliament so Twitter went into meltdown various stupid people published the question that the MP had raised actually one person did [Applause] and the Guardian said they were getting caught because it's their story and they'd sort of taken it that way and car to rock back down they were basically told to car to rock off it was a terrific victory for freedom of the press for the Guardian and probably not for Trafigura and Carter ruck and dumping toxic in the Ivory Coast is that the right answer forwarding on to round two it's the jigsaw of news because the jigsaw reviews blimey yes buzz when you know what the story is okay Charlie it's the machine that's going to strip you naked whether you want it to or not they're described as less embarrassing than coming up grosser bit less embarrassing than fumbling your lines so far it's not easy is it they said the diddle in voyeur voyeurs just kicked in beyond the bowels you're gonna go they said that it'll avoid embarrassing pat-down checks which are considered less embarrassing than coming across a grainy black-and-white close-up of your Johnson on YouTube you can still pull the pat-down if you prefer that's an extra ten Iran Ryanair Johnson named after anyone in particular a lot of people very happy and they felt safer that's because I can't hear the laughter from the room next door that's just common sense like the piped into the room where people he comes over basic human decency do the terrorists would just get people with really weird genitals yes so hide it you could hide it you can have a rocket launcher up here that's the Hadron colliders and I'll W particular wrong it's Stargate the four billion pound Hadron Collider might be sabotaging itself from the future wait a minute if it's sabotaging itself in from the future it must work but it doesn't work so it's making itself not working the present because it works in the future doesn't have to work in order to sabotage itself has come back from the future it still sucks no no that's not what it's trying to do it's not built to sabotage itself it's built to make things [Music] yes she's a hundred did you say yes and so putting and let it go she do these things against her will against her knowledge here the cat appreciated was shot put women aged a hundred two hundred and four yes just the way what we couldn get a job on Strictly Come Dancing though could change doing - tell us about all that address the nation yes what went on why have they done that what did they say I know what the newspapers said mmm what the newspaper said was 66 but that was the newspaper yeah I think they felt that my time had come on the show no I'm talkin York I've had become when Bruce C's is still rolling on he's been in the Hadron Collider so Anton then what's he like hey Anton do beak names read they are not taught to think for themselves like people shouting 1 2 are you all the time 1 2 3 5 6 7 8 you count a dancer in that's why they have such trouble sort of me in the real world it's like being in hot gossip here but have you got stockings and suspenders on ah this is about new guidelines about what comedy can and can't do you mustn't humiliate people there's various things we mustn't use fish based puns it's a whole bunch of stuff that we that used to be considered acceptable but no longer is that's right yes an intimidation humiliation intrusion aggression or derogatory remarks or fishbase pamphlet fish Bray's like magic or something like that would you lie on your back and fill it it's not fair don't bathe of the fish they can't answer back they can its Solars yeah if you knew the fish-based ton was taken away from you you would know we want it back she'd solace that was fantastic 9:00 p.m. board it signals the beginning of the transition to more adult material that the change should not be abrupt so guess where you solid state of a stutter you stupid for that that work says something like that oh my god we did have a cap some politician listen politicians they may work I'm gonna call my bluff polities also fruit Perry the judges know what they're gonna say beforehand I read it in the book yet I know I beat down the collider smashing in particles it went back a 62 Mei Dan DOCA nine this will be her soon-to-be written autobiography and I want about how many company harmony up I want to get some speech lessons may go down to Kahlo with somebody who knows a bit of yet signs up what we saw lined up for Twitter yes it has ordered 17 box sets of Boston Legal George the cat's already got a long list of clients for CIPA therapy mainly beagles trying to give up smoking see that comic reference come back keeping a lot of old jokes alive this show I resemble doesn't it's one of them saying they've given us a bottle of red wine and we're eating fish mrs. penguin looks out the window and thinks to herself where did it all go wrong and in Saffron Walden one fan regrets winning the eBay auction for the wax syringe out of Andrew Mars ears but do you know what the bonus pot at goldman sachs is gonna be this year Oh a couple of billion oh now you're under charging 180 billion no you're overcharging yeah all these huge huge numbers to [ __ ] that's that's a summary they're getting that Clint Eastwood Western I think it's got a bit of a farmer's tan as well what's that you've heard of farmer's tan I've just never put the two concepts again next they work out sizes so they get a tan up to here because they haven't sleep scandalize the heat is it sure it's not all the farmers turn because they only put there and what the cows are step oh you put the Royal Bank of Scotland in your tapestry didn't you I did a ship of fools yeah the RBS is the lookout on the ship of fools who else is on the ship of fools not me no it's it's actually to do with postman who've also been talking about money this week so there's the strike this put restrike on now and on the repeat if you're watching Dave so anyone been affected yet Ian what you gonna do about your subscriber take ground his copy personally [Applause] [Laughter] so I I have got one letter this week I didn't think I'd get any mail but I got a letter in the post from the solicitors called Carter Rock I've heard they're very good yeah it says not for publication so I better not read it out but it said the injunction from last week that a lot of people made a lot of fuss about has been totally discharged oh dear how humiliating for them that's like the postman I feel sorry for them particularly the ones on the first day of the strike because everyone arrived at your door with your letters and everyone these were on strike no that's just tomorrow it's already people run start today and after a while it was to become very wearisome for them and I thought as soon as I said it to my postman I thought you'd run strike no weird tomorrow shortest off today when how many times have you said that to ourselves who don't quite keep up exactly to the user even ones who are appearing on topical news shows to be fair what else you gonna say what do you say the rest of the time I see you're delivering letters as usual the thing to ask is is there a way I could get my letters amateur basis where do they where where do you get them orders speed to up Amazon they recreate a terrorist incident as though they weren't enough and then invite you to find it amusing I think what it is it's advanced slapstick instead of same time just fall into a pond it's watching a man grovel in fear for his very life I'm stealing it cultural difference again I'm sneering at that program you know I'm fine with sushi [Applause] and what's the latest German idea to encourage people to consider leaving the car at home making everywhere really unattractive to go to that's what seedy than that it's seedy yeah portable brothels that run on the road your game club so now it's really think bicycle think brothel [Music] okay now what it is is that one Berlin brothel is offering a five euro discount for clients who arrive by bicycle so prove it accordingly independent they have to present their helmet at the death that is anyone should we take away the disguise give you a clue anyone I guess no no I do okay next one fingers on buzzers team anyway there's a dog that can paint Grayson how'd you feel about that you threatened you can't paint you can move paint about the surface of a bit of paper you know my cat can do that on the floor but it's abstract that question has been answered years and yet a century ago by Duchamp you know it's what's good now if that's the difficult question don't pretend not to understand dear that's a great rebuke that I'm gonna use that pretend not to understand if you're sort of complimenting at the same time as being patronizing tráfico reflects our passionate belief in giving people the opportunity to fulfill their potential now they're an oil company yeah even if they're a completely reputable oil company which I doubt that doesn't mean they've got a passionate belief in giving people the opportunity they've got a platter everything getting oil moving it in selling it yeah that's that's morally neutral don't pretend not to understand is that about question time they've all been on question time who wouldn't go on that's yes you're absolutely right they've all been on question time except my retractor I've no idea how well how that will manifest itself in points I was going to say Margaret Thatcher could we maybe could and in any way sway the points to this side are you aware of a quiz that will accept me I was going to say different ah Tony Blair side selling insurance the only job he hasn't taken I mean you think he wouldn't want the job given he's already Middle East peace end boy and after he left he sort of the first thing he did was to make himself a Catholic which I think most people I think that was fair enough because you don't have to be guilty about I thought it was cuz he wants to be Pope as well I've become president of you [Applause] mr. burr coincidentally has a flat in London and his wife has two flats which she has to wear every time she poses next day I'd be like if we get married in it would be but luckily I'm already married we can change that it's properly scared brilliant let's welcome the chocolate hobnob and custard cream of liqueur I would I would like to apologize apology from the ginger-nuts in the middle [Laughter] thank you the support from the jammie Dodger I would like to apologize for doing business old singer biscuits can I get this apology off my chest being on weighing I'd like to apologize for calling Michael Portillo a chocolate hobnob I didn't think of the time do I realize it was seriously sexist and your private life Michael is none of my business that's not gonna be your last apology those BBC lawyers hello we'll see if that makes it through to the final cut so far they pulled it though didn't they the B lady refused to show that they pulled it from the iPlayer right so that's an on statement now it never happened never happened I'm glad no one showed it well and slower the moon is there okay what did you leave the studio well I'll be fair we didn't pay to get in you're gonna make such an arse of the Olympics are we other Olympics it all starts off with fantastic is global we fix and everything the flame will go out on the first afternoon Maurice will be walking through the crowds anybody got a lighter I think that'll be fantastic just an old Stalinist to think the Chinese opening was wonderful hundreds of colonists that's very unfair you are an old communist weren't you now I'm just saying that it's typical that mark would like that display regimented Soviet Chinese style discipline I like the idea of Boris going an off skeet someone for a life a little joke about Boris Johnson suddenly or of the long-standing supporter of Mao's Red Army yeah Oh suddenly changing to a war trial [Music] you know thought Boris Johnson also you are seeking tended to mediate between me and the public about these questions about his background his father if you don't any in the mediation why don't you take the camera there take the camera and tell them tell to tell the camera tell the public what sort of a chap David came for the first-rate job and he will deliver a fantastic a committed and determined conservative governor and give this country the new leadership that it is crying out for after a decayed unrepentant unbelievable labor government is the exact moment where the teacher says well if you're so clever you come out and then the person does and it's better than the teacher oh it's Jack Warner as George Dixon Dixon of dock green he first appeared in the film the blue lamp made in 1950 by eating studios and it was killed outside of cinema and who's not the film by very young Dirk Bogarde who was making one of his early film appearances as the villain and it's in the film [Applause] Queen Victoria Queen Victoria with is that one golly jumper what we studied the university this is not big drunken puppy it's about wearing underpants Yeltsin Clinton admitted that he'd found him in the middle of the night wandering around in his underpants having lost his trousers wasn't doing around his underpants how big would his underpants on which note we say thank you to our panelists in Hyslop Andrew Neil Paul Merton and mark Neil during the course of this program I've become a Stalinist yet related to Andrew Neil yeah what on balance volume is the worst okay almost Alan investment bankers at Nomura this week were accused of sexism one male banker is accused of alluding to a female colleagues breasts with the words oh you don't have your honker out today I see oh no there's a man who could do with a swift kick in the conquers we've all a bit night if you followed by the till ago and then there's sort of more old computers blogs just he's drawing it bandaged testicle yeah yeah this was the fear detector the male reported on the technology recognizes a pheromone or scent signal produced in sweat when a person is scared it is the invention of Professor Tom ton people going on their first skydiving jump he puts a cotton pad under their armpits to collect their sweat he then recruited a whole bunch of other people and asked them to sniff these pads and he's calls himself a professor I I haven't seen the certification but that's how he's normally call myself or sent all but yeah the horse's legs under here No No I think journalism science minister Lord Grayson couldn't understand why Alan Johnson had done it and assumed he must have been off his honker on crack running gag well it said it's limping a bit at the moment cos women's breasts yes that's right that's what we mentioned before and so that's yeah I never listened to your man I had precisely this conversation the script meeting I'm glad you're supporting to be pedantic this is proper science we're talking San Antonio goodness it there's a script meeting this isn't the result the script meeting what we're doing [Applause] it's offseason the result of a script meeting no it is [Applause] isn't that my line yes is your yes sorry I don't again lady buddy was a bit dull it'll be any time now that the script there's that is my script yes I can't rely on natural wit you see unlike you I need a script I saw that woman in the front Road just brought a telly with words so she's a bit presumptuous in she was a new entry in this GQ list at number 67 Ian Oh surely not surely you'll be glad to know that you are at one slot ahead of the Foreign Secretary your head they've used the same picture with the baby on the Cowan gate [Music] [Applause] Ian and Kevin this is Boris man who ready to the rescue of a damsel in distress who seems was being terrorized by a gang I reckon he should be the new Batman that'd be fantastic if somebody's getting mature are you Batman and just out of the car it's a terrific story if true yes she was alone that night these girls one about a barn they pushed her up against a car and then she cried out for help and there was this cyclist I mean this is almost impossibly unlikely isn't it just before that there was a little illuminated sign in the sky B immediately sprang into action as he chased Laura Steve yeah comes out of the bore escape and with his blood-curdling cry you know what she shouted clear off you orbs [Music] and after he chased the Oryx during the streets do you know what happened after that he found a lien box and change back you know he came back and insisted oh this is the terrifying experience of a London woman who was rescued by Boris Johnson from a gang of girls the woman explained how she called out for help to a passing cyclists then thought to herself oh my god it's Boris Johnson uttered on this show more than one occasion another crime yeah a Christmas single if we get to yes we put before the show goes out it could be the Christmas number one don't you think yes I'll simply possibly could there be a fine of endorsement we're gonna play Boris yeah yes and I'm a registered Democrat you're a registered Democrat yes sounds like you're pretty disillusioned yes I am his wife is sticking with the Democrats but it's clearly causing tension and we're probably not gonna be married much longer Stephen Fry Stephen Fry got the hump left Twitter I like it's taken me so long we get on Twitter finally this week I went right I'll join Twitter and like an hour late that Stephen Fry went I'm all over this bastard it was yes somebody accused him of being a bit boring and he went right that's it I'm not doing it anymore he replied directly to his critic immediately who'd called his tweets boring saying Queen as yours are so fascinating I can barely contain my now who tweeted the following recently I got caught shoplifting by the security guard in French Connection today gene Hackman it was somebody calling himself Ian Hislop giveaway another person claiming to be is Ian his lock tweeted I am the real Ian Hislop anyone else claiming to be me twittering is unsurprisingly a fake this should be my only tweet Thank You me I was trying to stop the other person who's pretending to be me he's got millions of followers more apparently than the Dalai Lama I was told if I put a thing on saying I'm not him it would stop it but it didn't how do we know this is you talking all the usual stuff do you know how son Meng ended up on top of the knee of conditioning unit on the outside of an apartment block did the husband come in unexpectedly from work hello darling yes that's exactly right he grabbed an enormous fig leaf Lobby and then out he went and onto the air conditioning unit and son told the son what most concerned him do you know what he said you've got the same name as me they said people are even laughing at how I look naked but I must point out it was a very Clendon on an air-conditioned really well the leaf isn't very big I'm thinking right yes you're probably standing under there going just wait till order please welcome Marcus but no polyps I had to change my name there was already one inequity Lionel wrote could blind their life work with lighting for many years you know his real name is linoleum his wife walked all over him terribly husband Marcus brick stop well look at how much fun they were having yes Sarkozy having fun and getting brown no no until a camera finds him jolly most of the time or no camera yeah and it's very difficult to pitch a news event isn't it and is the wall coming down something to smile about haha freedom or is it all people died you don't know if you're Gordon and whichever way you do it you'll get kicked how would I feel if I was a bricklayer no one's raising a shame Berlusconi didn't go you think just just would have been fun just to hear hear what Silvio had to say about the whole thing they sent a driver for him it was a topless woman who never got out the car park yeah was all about knocking down walls it was about knocking out women he might have been known they all claim to have helped demolish the Berlin Wall except for Marcus although you did go through a hole in a wall didn't you good thing got footage of it yes really Oh Lord no hey Batsy [Applause] [Applause] of all the people who've been on here and have been caught out and and done by the satirical duo that is Merton and his knots in the word come on you just showing it like a big silver tit say that line off my script earlier be unfair not to mention the part that he played in the reunification of Germany should we just remind ourselves of how he looked then [Music] a strange sense of dignity though this is a remarkable story for the first time since I can remember I actually feel sorry for Gordon Brown mmm John Major said he's got to a state where not only does everything he do go wrong but people no longer hate him they just feel pity major said I know this stage because I was there so the week started bad to be Gordon that the the g20 finance ministers summit worked why was that and his idea for attacks nobody wanted that's right the tax he wanted to impose I mean two weeks ago he wants a tax on all financial transactions that bankers do that make them a huge stack of money normally there'd be a big hurray Gordon you're taxing the bastard bankers this week Gordon taxing bankers you idiot you get to a stage where it's all over yeah and who's there who's going to be the new face of labour on television for so many years with regard to this slightly sinister and and into the past tense he's the face of labour suddenly he's the best that they've got daddy's the seventh lottery millionaires in three years to come from what's become known as the golden Gwent triangle in your well should you think might buy your lottery tickets in future my father's yes but that lovely Welsh accent I have yes is very strong Afghanistan you at times kim jung-il he has a six trains made up of ninety carriages using 19 stations all for his own use our trains coming from wales and firming that's an albino squirrel something quite close therefore yes yes it was accidentally killed is helping the school people be leaving at the shrine nuts nuts is courageous guess anyone see the advice local resident Kevin put on our B's Facebook page the school's Facebook page [Music] any other attention-seeking squirrels in the news recently there to call him attention-seeking yes I suppose so yes getting run over isn't really attention seeking is yeah it's a cry for help extreme kind it's a squirrel that turned up in a couple's snapshot when they're on holiday it's called Lake Minnie wanker and so that's why you've got the picture out and Tony Blair refuses to be he charges to be photographed yes that's part of it yeah I think so you can get pictures of you and Tony smiling that's nice then what Cherie just leans in with the ten British magazine yeah it is I think it is a British magazine called happiness yes happiness not selling well then they're okay about it though they have the resources to cheer up and just carry on losing money on what we're your party pants it's happy hour yeah in the right air it's a party pants out is it Hitler wasn't he what awful the more I hear about you I say hiring I mean it was a good word say for nobody happiness magazine keep smiling keep shining and keep what specifically it's a wild yeehaw in your soul yes this is American publication it's well there are a lot of American writers in it but I'm told it is it's British it doesn't it feel very British doesn't know well happiness isn't is it this is the editorial in happiness magazine which also includes the happiness tip of the month install a [ __ ] bucket in your office or indeed studio tonight is the transport union leader who proudly boasts that he uses public transport everyday well not if some idiots called the strike he doesn't please welcome [Applause] we start crowd any commuters in from you realize if you're not nice you won't let you go home [Applause] now Bob you're a you're a skeptic aren't you now not you a skeptic it's oh no just don't like the European Union not European people people like yourself don't mind but sisty it's basically insurance privatization all the things have gone wrong this country that what we're going up lectures that you're going up transport being privatized the you it's all the easy ones it not all down to you EU but the EU insurances so I've got more in common with a Chinese labor than someone like yourself do you know about struggling for workers at Cambridge no doubt you'll be telling some sounds later on no it was Oxford but again that old detail on the train lines isn't it the line district line doesn't matter they don't work anyway I income and if you squint you look alike now in danger of agreeing with you back to calmly we just we just sweet sorry I mean we just have to stop now because bob has negotiated a 10-minute tea breaks [Applause] justyou is it a biscuit well I don't think one cup of teas enough I think all the workers should get one all the workers can bring some of them 25 years ago everyone we got yeah you're working now he's on his own such a right greed that's all it is we board of a silver cup in your mouth they become into the private photographer with him to take pictures of him overlooking the sort of you know the various sort of poppies on around and Gordon Brown did the same thing Arthur was they plainly should have permission to do that and they didn't have fish and do that there's a PR stunt by both of them and they had to apologize to the Dean of Westminster that means both of them but going along to it was a service for the passing of the first world war generation I know that side she went and I was standing outside and I saw Cameron and I thought that's very odd that photographers right up his nose taking pictures why is he allowing that and then I stupidly forgot the camera used to be a PR man so he was actually there saying this is me grieving sad do I look now then we go into the service and you find out after everybody else they don't they're playing the last post and everyone's welling up Browns people are going they've had a photo op get us a photo off so soon Brown walks out it's brown walking through the poppies am i grieving now just a personal view you want to dive in with an inappropriate gag at any [Applause] I have to say the phone thing there was a very good moment this is just brief dovish and I was sitting behind a pillar sort of way at the back and just as the archbishop started his sermon a phone went off and it was in the tourist kiosk it was the phone that leads to one of the credit-card machines so the Archbishop's about started this fungus goes off he rang three times and we're all sitting there very civilian liking this is so embarrassing the phone's going off the old bloke behind me with a jacket and a group of medals went over the back went round and went end of phone noises someone else a big [ __ ] better would you see Ian down at Millwall [Applause] the chain is any I think you fit I think we were just stopping it before it hurts this is the lobster story well I could have told you about I more or less nothing else Bob I do stop occasionally to clutch champagne before picking up my canes the leaving my club and thinking shall I go down the tube bit dirty Palin has been up promoting a book let's have a look at some of the interviews that were conducted with people in the signing queue in Columbus Ohio and do you hope she runs for president I love it what are some particular issues of Sarah's that you would like to see her bring to office Otzi any policies I guess specific that you have heard I can't think of the policies right off the bat would you I don't know anything about her foreign policy but you're right you don't have to compromise compromises for people that are wrong the state she's ever had to deal with Russia but I'm sure she's had you know boundary issues that she had to deal with Mexico right now manases own father [Music] and here's another good point well mate you wanna give away your own money that's fine but don't tell me to give away my money listen to this recent 9-1-1 call america collecting island lon somebody's really drunk driving down [ __ ] road okay you behind number you're driving drunk yep three of those there are big fans of Judy's music songs from the show's musicals love it except Judy no did you just suggest that Bob Hope is a friend of Dorothy's that's the bravest thing I've ever seen he's got a sensitive side people think he's just a you know Milburn and like he liked confrontation I'm suggesting he's got a secret other side a very large key [Applause] never use a mobile phone well what is it that whilst having sex no contort now going into a tunnel you just feel the disappointment on his face [Music] okay this yes is very much Tiger Woods playing golf there he started from the fairway and ends up in the wrong hole this is somebody else it's a serious car crash there and which Tiger Woods was involved in really likes to see a perfectly plausible reconstruction from a Taiwanese news program I don't remember reading anywhere that he was driving a Renault Espace Tiger Woods become a ninja that's completely wrong she's using the five iron why is this story the most important thing that's ever happened because this geezer earns a lot of money from presenting himself as a regular family guy Roger he's called Tiger that might have given us a bit of a clue money by being the best golfer in the yeah she says that she slept with Tiger Woods 20 times no one's impressed by that you know depends how quickly those sweaty times happen like 20 minutes that big goods would met yeah bit timing at our age [Applause] shall we do some golf puns ah yes men like golf pants Go Go all right then I've done all mine what is the birdie yeah a new driver yeah can you hold the flag for me what can I add to that Tigers been in the rough lost his balls it's a bogey are you in the club why one does anyone remember this bloke Oh is he the shoe bugger yeah he is the shoe bomber and he's turned shoe Bunge [Music] [Applause] [Music] fantastic now we've started the hosts though we have in fact six months time somebody will throw shoe it that guy was a cop native a guy I gotta do it if you had what they had to spend I think I'll get a haircut by the Queen interesting this year for your holiday this is the financial collapse of do try another city boy [Applause] I don't know why we have to kind of round it up after we're talking about we don't we don't talk to get it I don't want to should I change my taxi early attack god I get enough crap off the Daily Mail already I can see it's gonna be so much worse now you'll be fine just read it yeah not the Daily Mail just means you shouldn't put yourself through Dubai I can quite understand everything we said there was just sort of round you up you could give us [Applause] according to the marketing blurb about these wellies they have a snap fastening and a gusset which allows easy entry and a snug fit I'm not writing this no I tried to get some kind of very complex political material it wouldn't let me shut it have a cake and do your packages they've all been depicted in cake apart from Marie Antoinette indeed again you just say the words we're into it and then no I'll say it and no your mind to your voice okay okay they have all been depicted in cake apart from you say an online it okay yep they have all been depicted in cake apart from Mary Antoinette so what did he decide to do to the bankers in the end darling Alice cam have also joined in on his blog this week does anyone see what he said no he wrote I wonder what they've said out there what evidence has been called into question a lot this week is this the evidence of climate change yes well they're bait on that is over now there were two sides to it but now Sarah Palin has joined the debate and she says the global warming is a sham so it obviously is she's from Alaska and it's cold there global warming that's it's all over well yet but the 35,000 delegates in Copenhagen seem pretty convinced by oh they should listen to a proper scientist like Sarah Palin she's been studying climate change all morning deliberately by polar bears their ops are no good they're trying to get free passage south so this thing over the ice is gone come and live here it's all in the Daily Mail what's the top gear views on that James personally I'm with Sarah Palin in that I too don't have a past a clue what I'm talking about when it comes you don't care about the planet at all not very much got hanging around with clocks and this really abrupt job I want to do is drive forth what did we learn from a Disney historian recently about Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs but it wasn't actually true no it was that it was going to be Snow White in the ninth wharfs the final seven were chosen for a shortlist of 50 but they were very short-lived there were two who only just failed to make it does anyone know what they might have been cool sort of rather unusual names a brainy or door slams she or something like that or contagious something like that it was jumpy and Baldy can you name any of the other possible Dwarfs scabby loony funky other names considered was sniffy lazy stuffy shorty wheezy burpee dizzy from scrappy tipsy tipsy tubby and woeful shorty swapping to more desperate ones because surely there's Seven Dwarves I mean small growth-restricted is this bloke these shorty and tits is my favorite according to the Disney historian yes defi was in the running was easy they didn't get the wake-up call what happened does anyone know what this is is it gogo hams that's it it's actually powered and it's it runs around on the floor yeah but if you stroke it makes a noise but it's also poisonous yes but deliberately any real hamster it is because you can you can suck a real hamster quite safe you missus go gently introduce it but this is Joyce [Music] why is this toy Mouse been in the news this week because it resembles an elephant no it's not it's been recalled by its distributors after a mother complained that instead of singing jingle bells jingle bells he's appeared to be warbling pedophile pedophile [Applause] of course in a minute [ __ ] file Peter file Peter other photos of the Queen - a while ago anyone remember what she was doing it was this combination 1953 she was twisting of pheasants neck they staged in a different way nah man you are on fire Prince Charles burn yeah I'll say I'd have thought you'd support Palace you two are on fire he's a conservative she's labour this could be a sitcom or a tragedy yes and then they have the wacky lib em neighbor if it's wrinkled and bluish it's it's mine too much elf arrested for what safety laughs on your own I know you've just thought of a joke that occurred to think I'm working you with my foot I'm Bill Bailey and welcome to a special Christmas edition of have I got news for you so very Christmassy is it in Westminster before making a big speech to quash rumors of his personal incompetence Gordon Brown [Music] doesn't even need the picture the way it's going well yes well here we go this is let's pretend we haven't heard this is the BOC trying to balance out the effect of having a sensible Lib Dem on this is expenses the story that won't go away what's the implication of what you just said that you regard me as a sensible would dip yes I'm sorry that was almost Pleasant I must earn expenses you claimed all sorts of things didn't you Sean fine you did claims minced in you and she's pretty shocking compared to twenty thousand on a bell tower you can't even do big expensive it was two teddy bears and two teddy bears yeah but you gave away as prizes corrupt or what [Music] I'm sufficiently stupid the producers of this program pointed out to me and I'm the first MP to have agreed to come on have I got news for you since the expenses scandal but do you know what you'd get our respect how Charles did you manage to resist the temptation excuse everyone was that it was all perfectly legal I'm not going to comment on colleagues a lot of them I going to have to retire there'll be ex colleagues indeed cheekily got out of that but we'll edit it together so it looks like they were robbers yeah just help if you just said those words now you say the word thieving bastard a German bass beat a youtube sensation coming at the bottom of all this the fact that sort of Tony Blair prized the fact that we were the Americas the only superpower left that we are there you know that we'd like to believe we're their closest ally what the Americans think is a different thing altogether so these old civil servants were saying exactly that what Tony really liked was posing around looking powerful yeah saying good morning w that's a brilliant idea sir yeah let's go in it was it was like us hanging around America like some nerdy kid with a bully you know America going up to kids going give us you sweet and we look rubbery go yeah this is the private Change Conference in Copenhagen where the message was the planet is doomed unless we all drastically reduce our energy usage that's five more mates for the polar bears you know how many lobes an octopus has lobes lobes 6 no 8 15,000 no 86 lower lower lower 84 no I've got one under the desk of its became was called the mimic octopus oh yes which does impressions Ronnie Corbett I think this piece how good impressions of a species of other species yes well like at the Elks seahorse when it's an elk coming towards me fingers on buzzers teams would see when I ask a question okay I think just trying to picture this carol singers and there's a man there of a clipboard which is a health and safety savory thing yes it's about what you as cows sing a certain rules you must obey to make sure you mustn't start singing in the middle of a motorway and you must never bet in a casino that's run by an octopus always favors own kind that's pretty much pretty much it is it yeah all the subjects of Carol's yeah yeah right we move our cat yes it is yes and one I pray on Ilkley Moor Bart at you've got an advertising campaign coming up that's in Yorkshire all this widget we're on ball [Music] charting mystical history back to the 16th century Jeremy Dibble that's his life's work related to the policeman in Top Cat it's a reclusive stepbrother [Music] other old chestnuts have been given a roasting by the BBC this week you should know there was a list yes compiled by the BBC about its presenters and it ranked them all in order from desirable through to average where Paul Merton and Ian Hislop featured I can't help the Philip Oakey was cheese and in Westminster after a particularly heavy lunch one man has his favourite daydream where he saves the world and everyone loves him

Channel: str1tsa

Views: 515,889

Keywords: hignfy

Id: c9SnC8ci4d8

Length: 66min 58sec (4018 seconds)

Published: Sun Jun 28 2020