The Best MST3K Shorts, PART 2 (TWO HOURS OF SHORTS!!!)

I just thought it would be plenty to have a shell walk it was cute hey or buyers there L Roache presents in our game comedy it's the parade of shame and wasted lies I did it for the kicks man and snow thrills everyone all right hard cast on the Cormac thing ice need original die from Flushing blaze know where I come from their rest flashing blaze yeah it's P Jack Frost is master of ceremonies and I thought he was fictional ocular of winter-sport we're up in Newburgh New York watching hot competition on a very cold an oilman mm-hmm you know there's nothing quite as pretty on a summiteers arterial spray on the white snow horn which makes perfect really bad yep [Music] amazing speed on skates watch them hit it up how we don't approve of fast girls kid get it up what's this the clothes come down to buck the bones of the Fallen skaters better luck next time mr. crow way to go kid Spanky's oh the younger generations beat around the frozen lake and how they do go I can see right on your land now in the cloud took it to the younger generation loved ones never have things to watch this movie permit skate splash in the Sun and this board gives keen enjoyment to fans of all ages yes even people with one foot in the grave like it [Music] meanwhile in the stock shirt competition these guys really go yes it's prostitute ah hi oh well in a nice way beauty Grace and rhythm you won't find them here Oh find out what these lovelies had for lunch mom get off the ice dad would you make her get off the ice look at her get off the ice here Gertrude Stein shows her moves a modern whirling dervish on his heel and IQ you mean she's going to escaped oh she died nor film is just an exercise and adjectives need to wind still bulging sails to flash before the July in Minnesota are darn hard to come by bTW to know when blowing the sturdy grass over the frozen water people can be thrown as far as 50 feet from the craft and it's fun in winter without hot coffee in the cabin nothing like losing a few toes and fingers to frostbite mush wonderful criminal week so I mean boring it would be nice [Music] when a dog sled races over snow and through our fight inflation Oh mush and the thoroughbred Siberians - ahead to escape their opponent or speed up their best a dog gone good race go but is peeve of that john sununu goofy guys whoa but the first introduces the human polar bear they claim it's great but we have our dumb kid an old man you've seen enough stopping them they just must have their cold back money well we'll take a hot shower if you don't mind let's talk about shrinkage Gillian [Music] go die on the slopes math becoming one of the most popular of winter sports is she seeing is the correct pronunciation they tell it yeah well your clothes can go into more later years when they'll be able to glide downhill and true yes it's never too early to fuse your spinal cord together in a few years these children will be addicted to painkillers but for now little Billy is paralyzed cross-country 'seeing amid schemes of winter magnificence in Saturday's schnell severed playgrounds to tell God thank you taken seriously they're coming down the mountain and when they talk mountains of Europe and Canada a world over here Karina's for this sport hey come back here Jerry give me my flowers Bota bag with spiced wine James Bond's being chased by enemy agents mmm but and the London they fish through the ice for dinner whoops seems some of the Polar Bear Club didn't make it out of the hole gee thrill sheep thrilled to teach until age from death row were subjected to horrible experiments boy are they stupid see my quality here balance comes what actually I can't clear the shoot is she I think this was sponsored by Prudential to hell in a handbasket oh it's the agony of defeat auditions it's public humiliation on a grand scale collector parks then back to the top then it's time to stand on the first straight line it's a dangerous sport unless you know how to land up right now boots and this palooka now sell pencils on Third Avenue it's the biggest one my grill and a little better one figured I said good sorry embarrassing you bet that guy never had a can Oh what she pouring never on Sally Jesse Rafael she horik what they got their idea from aquaplaning she Jory fast access to nature so the horse again vows to the Ottoman it's a safe and fun way to blow a Saturday or a need heat of fun oh oh it's somebody's table in town oh look at them all in Hornish Maine is the longest bunch of lemmings the death train to town but they'll have to pull it back I see a class-action suit come around the corner watch out for that drain we can't come back we all works I can't take this neither goodness it's the sweater the SubGenius now is the winter of our discontent made for speed drills nerve and courage this wins the vote who sticks the cake hmm I'm they dad faster faster poopy have killed doing be do you want to go faster raise your hand if you want to go I grabbed the mail there would you please Victor disease boy all this just to get to talk to Jim McKay hey what happened to the voice-over guy go to the Babbitt which they go down go home Walker well we can't wait don't ever buy the next flood whatever work for this it's called I'm gonna die and with the greatest brother ball we climax Jack Frost great job oh no I step steady nerve Jorgen much controls the contents of the um spill Thank You Eugene Castle for making us laugh at winter again and again and again oh whoa whoa mr. natural I remember him from zeph Comic Con Ltd and the new power generation and the Republican high school marching band Betty luster was she married to Martin Sheen car crash ha ha what does a as seen a sick cooking all come on advice John craft from malls you know that you want to and why Crais will salute you as you brats and gap um well it's not mutual yeah Joel I'm scared well thank you we can make things a little clearer around here how's that it stinks a little closer friend no no don't get acquaintance all that's not mr. B natural your service a happy but this is evil spirit of [ __ ] music um and I've been around an awful long time your your father idea hey leave my father out of this and don't be too sure I wasn't in the garden with mr. and mrs. madam you were the station know me the spirit of musics inside all of you know I've been in you all of you right there waiting to be found waiting to be expressed waiting to die all you gotta do is to work music to want the fun of it great and when you do just call on me and I'll photos can help you no that's okay I live in this music staff but when I get a message for help I goes off to appear before people is this Liberace song young even when I think I can do him some good Oh wonderful a lot of people in my time got a well a lot of small stories to tell her bad one of the nicest about my good friend buzz Turner little guy I first met when he was in junior high mr. B you're hot why is he happy no come on let's go meet fun that's okay ah do that oh I got a bad feeling notice the excitement in a school today oh yeah the kind of energy that makes fun laughter and tone it down lady mm-hmm with all their young energy the first time I really met buzz Turner including Jeannie the cutest girl news including buzz nothing much wrong with buzz suck his hair a lot of normal twelve-year-old problems buzz was a slacker I may be wondering what it takes to become part of the group to really belong conform harm con 4 searching for the right answers right hurts little hurts Conan clarinet Jimmy smash got it from the Franklin Mint Wow you should hear the tone Wow hey peg wanna see the step I was telling you about oh sure it's a goose step take the music huh all right let's go Thanks that's not how you plan going to be like no he's got a God how about coming for a while I got some great new records not me Jeanne band practice I wouldn't miss it for anything I'm bucking for the first clarinet chair Oh do you dare any grab your horn we'll be late oh they're a fun group these record you the greatest let's see now we've got to want to come dance don't hit me oh thanks oh well I mean I got some reading to do you know that big history essay but that's not due for two weeks I know Jeanie I uh I had a finish my letter to Jodie Foster well come on man okay what are we waiting for yeah that hurt I'm all messed up inside a bullying hydrogenous man would visit me I better watch my gym cause it's been six months meanwhile the Midvale police visit his locker find out why they call him buzz coming out of the closet this boy might be eating well that's what I'm here for I feel ill better wait till he calls on me though till he reaches for the spirit calls for Satan idea oh yeah there's a weirdo loose in the school yeah man you was hard on juniors water we gotta call the police wait I'm not really I want you to hang up I'm not relevant we live in pee-wee's Playhouse so early dude hmm yeah I got some readin hmm oh it's such a beautiful day daddy won't be home thanks Buford sebaceous today mom better go up to my room and do the reading all right I'm a but now this time don't make somebody noise when you're really nice right after dinner daddy's not too tired okay good why does my kid have to be such a dud I was popular yeah where'd you come from Bellevue do I look funny you look hot well it's kind of a surprise mr. peanut natural shouldn't be surprised boy whether you know it or not you sent for me when you reach for that music over there to make you feel better I got your message you awakened me so I'm attracted to guys in hiding here in my room all that time you see me do everything know what I don't mean that I mean you're waking the spirit of music inside you that's me you played a double strike on that's my name boy being Metro Oh mister lady I owe the feelings of music inside of people look here boy yeah you sing a baby a lullaby and it comes the little baby by in your way natural as you can be yeah I don't know mr. B I like with the thing just please leave I'll make it myself I'm doing any good a boy looking like that blasphemy spanking time I've been visiting with an 8 year old friend of mine welcome no no I'm into playing the French horn I did you should hear him boom boom boom he sucks mr. B natural doctors like that because he wanted to he wanted the fun of it that's why he can play that piece so easy wait'll he grows up and finds out how hard it is that's very clever mom mom because he's not afraid wish I could wear tights and prance around wish I could get a band or something and business be like fred is no none of that none of that I'm here to help not to help you feel sorry for yourself hmm you can be popular Oh mister you can be in a band and where do you see that kids you'll get out of the buzz kicks the glamour of the uniform the thrill of travelling for band competition they'll make coke Jags and cheap motels just like being a member of a football team and mr. ball buzz fine fun oh that's nice Wow if you want me to if you keep me awake inside there bad touch are you musician mister be plenty instruments no I'm in the marketing members of my family boy I love it oh watch presto okay don't hurt me mr. B you even talk music you mean man can buzz be natural talk out what you feel with music look here do you think this is just a trumpet no it's a ball you need your water feel the things you want to say to the world put a trumpet ear listen it becomes pride confidence the mood of a happy king oh my god Lee this isn't happening this would be shame on you have you no sense of decency [Music] Karan it's not just a clarinet to happy smell [Music] he's so perky killer see buzz it's really fun to be psychotic trombone can like to show the rather big [Music] my jaw I want to show dignity buzz try a French horn mr. B what would you know about dignity buzz when you want to feel as big as a giant blow sousaphone oh now you're living in your fantasy world we're in a whole weird area here [Music] talk don't hurt me you know I think Oscar Wilde only wished he was this game now it isn't gentlemen please accept our sincere apology for all of this please forget music I want to dance what sure sounds like fun and I'd like to have some of the two if I can don't touch it so wound up he was told them all the band master told them how a boy could learn discipline and coordination and confidence through music and make a personality grow he said my face was practically made for trouble I want to learn dad I want to wear leotards and a Peter Pan hat mom dad like you really do it dad son if you don't think there's a family headed for the music store it's beautiful well you don't know parents who understand what it takes to make a child happy you missed your last payments Tom knew reads for your saxophone by the way how are you doing in the fifth grade band in school oh well I got first chair congratulations that's fine young lady goodbye don't patronize me old man hello we want to ask you some crush I don't need so the boy he'd like to start on the trumpet well you're joining a mighty happy family I could use one like my bringing this up but I imagine a good competent but quite a dent in his dad's checkbook man if he starts hitting you with all the better music dealers have a trial purchase plan you are simply making a small investment in your son's lifetime person put away the grace gonna something she this boy's enthusiasm he can't miss all right let's look at some horn hey this is the plot from Golden Boy let's go who is made by the world's largest manufacturer now I cut to the chase ah my neck is important is it but I don't think to make matters much good good tell me boy the most fun comes in the most skilled plane and the most skill comes only from an instrument design to give you the best sound first of all it sure does matter oh excuse me sexless Madeline here goes into making a really superior instrument you gotta inspect your homeboy and wash it every day let us take a look at a factory that makes top quality instrument Oh may I let me tell you what goes into the making of the best instruments you think the dealer has the same idea you listen to him buzz or I'll kill you the instrument with the best sound comes out of plans that combine Murray polish Polish polish that's how they do all the Precision's finishing the load on reserve concern with superior workmanship like the hunter is possible because no one report tools professional make money Miley someday cold doing photography performed by an expert in that form master grandma this man does things he's not proud of the best instrument if that craftsman stop spinning that sousaphone bell for a second would completely change the quality of the instrument the basis of those he's wronged float up on him Haseley of course see manufacturer of all Rome elements is equipped to produce the best sound he realizes that you play the inside of an instrument not the outside 44 here to produce a smooth finish inside that will not obstruct sound through such methods as hydraulic expansion of air power that is good at hand the best instruments are uniform every one is exactly like every other of the same kind just like you and me now it must be ground with utmost accuracy for smoother in strays who played out of this unseemly unfazed honey were field experience well will come a row of leading high-quality saxophones c'mon now watch a red man watch for the red man you're wrong that produces a seamless Bell further removing sound resistance giving to the finished Capri on instrument and ease of playing and a tone quality that is unmatched extra value is what you get when you play the Coronet server develops the highest quality instrument this trumpet is flatline ensures their best performance testing to analyze in a gas chamber to measure the bound or accuracy tiny fraction of a semi doing this all cranks we gotta wear to faster hurry up morrow we got a long way to go yet sir we need insurance so Shane lady instrument in that's brave instrument will make music fun for you young fella it was handmade by law rosette good luck and I'll see you in the band wait a minute I didn't side take it well we do it up really on his way now I had done my part the spirit of music with the net jumping with him now for the rest of the thigh eyes adjust the fast and what's the claim and rake in the cash a new person oh no no Jerry a flow in the big an air like that oh good am I hip yet where did the chicks start coming around months at my by Joyce know all the things happen to buzz that we knew it happened he was ready to really belong now but the rules have changed he would be ready to take that big solo be jam with his imaginary friend now the poor kid grandstands at every opportunity Sachs doesn't he have you get near a song plan enough what is this flight of the bubble head come on stop sorry sorry thought they were treating for us really really wise really really really really wide one [Music] oh it's Satchmo you know say that guys got away with a ballad well the old clock in the wall says that it's that's all from the stridex medicated band our mobile a camera [Music] before his collaboration with Gil Evans who it stinks ah but in real life johnny is last year with the preschool ban no one expresses more naturally than a child and there is no more natural expression out of here I was mr. B natural and Elmo definitely man all I said no no man [Music] in a hospital Oh y-you guys come over my soul I scheduled all my classes around it it's a Leonard Cohen album god I'm unappealing only way another thing Cindy is great with the kids at the school I mean they're all crazy about it I'm sure they are cells very popular with the children oh can I take your helmet oh oh that's your hair what will you do simply after you can kind of know when you go on with you in the people I don't know I've even thought that well that's really I have exalted over with senior play for a little while maybe do you think it would be a good idea love it well probably music corporation they want the record back hello oh you folks break it up and parties depressing everyone in the building hold on Cynthia field student loan people Wow oh that's okay we don't have to get married I can marry someone else well that's the girl uh-huh head injury no of course it doesn't matter I understand yes I can get home all right will you come down tomorrow works fine good okay the depressing thing is is this is in color is better cross your heart that's the hospital and he says it doesn't look like it hey Andy oh can i warm up your broad coffee by and pick you up at all I'm afraid not well show you how to be this way tonight of all night I'm sorry too when Anne Sexton throws apart it's getting late and 10:00 isn't coming back and since I'm running around though well can I give this more coffee okay I like that solves everything I'm feeling I'll just call cat oil in it what did your cab like I Drive you home oh well there's no reason for you to do that well I'm not gonna let you go home again I don't like to put you to any trouble it's no trouble tell you what just can drive the van we can sit in the back I'll get your coat yeah grab that sleeping bag too well this is my lucky day isn't it and cake to some lowlife or call well you wanted to do it in the road suddenly got really cold Jeff why don't you come with us it isn't very far and you can keep cell company on the road ah come on Jess you swing no I don't think so I'm tired and I hate your guts that suppose cleaned up after the hospital system in the morning for me autopsy good SAP tub happy day fathanah CLE I'm putting clothes on you thanks very much thank you for having kenan over to celebrate our engagement with the life of you and very welcome and I hope you might be very happy okay thanks for the coffee and for you see your man hold zippity-doo-dah zippedy hope you love no kidding you don't have to tell me life getting you down at a pain Raoul I think open I might Danielle album oh sweet cake you're the only one who understands me Arthur sways Etana shouldn't have used that sack read oh this is no cakewalk oh I did it again I think I'll just stop that the rest of the ready-whip cannon [Music] first board I'm blind I can't see oh hey you drove out of the living room set it'll arrive in style in the new 1963 Corvair Oh Rihan out of gas is it yes thank y'all for bringing me help boiler don't go yet wait a minute if your cake you owe me you know I I didn't know where you live don't know now I'll be lurking in shadowy doorways say I touch your butt honey oh oh well that's what really true I danced in front of your mirror wearing your things up no I walked by here many times you have well staggered anyway you know there's not a gifted conversation within this whole group or group I hate these Pinter plays a bugger uh made my own blender mayonnaise yesterday you can see what if you do it why did you get engaged to ten so why did this always does it happen we keep telling ourselves we're just good friends every time I get engaged you do this to me I made up my mind after the last time I have to make a ride for myself and you choose the mental life with ten yes she loves me I know a garden and we have a good life together anyway we have a good attackers most many sure Ken's not anatomically correct and Cynthia oh please don't ask me that I don't have that yeah I can tell you I'm damn unappealing don't love him like I love Ken don't need no god you're so icky so you can't hurt Jessie there's another kid I don't want to but I have to this is a soap opera after all if I don't try to work see I'm doing the only thing the book Lady Mary - ten I'll have to call it all - love care and breath can you look at me I asked you first no tagbacks the truth is I'm in love with a small Mexican man well no yeah not the way I used a lever now I love corn flakes solid rubber that's the way I love you thank you my name is Emily no we walk into my home what about you you wiped your feet on the doormat of my heart after the first time I like the boom and life without you had more umph in theater has no point at all yeah your patients are going to be happy about that stop it deny the truth that we love each other do you need some Tristan how can you not love a skull like this what you do love me say it say it because I don't love you [Music] we're spooky-looking here's the windup and the pitch on way wall sweet mystery of life at last you electric boogaloo a jam hand to the rescue our gym handy no employees were killed during the making of this film young fellas today won't work the way we did 11 years ago previously on higher Sun and then again maybe they're working harder than you think I may be wonderful but I think you're wrong what a pretty good man when you first started in this business and you probably were but you a lot of your success for the way Harry taught them to work with you give them hell Larry got it straight he used to tell me about the mistakes you made you may not have known it but you were served an apprenticeship first booze dirty in every business yeah I suppose so no matter how closely he worked with you the first year he used to tell me about it he ripped your new one every day remember how he used to talk to me about my prospects your prostate I was to handle some of them but you know I always thought that that was because he knew you so well maybe he had more of a personal interest in me nonsense he hated you not Harry he's having an episode he worked that hard with every man he ever hired he got sent to jail for it not to realize that he knew more about selling cars than any then on his sales force and that it took his direction and leadership to get the most out of his men now flying elves are back and I don't believe men have changed much since then mm-hmm how about this Jimmy doesn't leave work doesn't he get in for the morning sales meeting yeah oh yeah he's always punctual he never misses but take his prospects for example please well I look them over the other day and it's just about the poorest list I've ever seen I remember one of the first things that Harry drilled into me was Harry having a good list of prospects yes then he showed me how to go about getting it how to keep it up how to cover the list and how awesome yeah a performer shows warming importance of prospects drilled into me from the very first day I stole he's evil hmm has Jimmy has Jimmy Watson had the importance of prospects pounded into him since the first day he started to work well I told him how important they are ever heard is shown him how when and where to get them have you checked on him every day to see that he did it right have you hugged a man I got other work to do Harry wasn't too busy to make a good man or he still got a little hmm say I think I'm beginning to see what you mean I'm beginning to sober up and you're scaring me I wonder wah wah wah wah one day maybe that's the reason I haven't had very much luck with Jimmy I'm gonna dance with Henderson that other fellow I hired last year you know he looked pretty good to me too dad when I first hired him who doesn't certainly would be worth a try yes don't if at the time I'm spending on other things right now Mike it costing me a whole lot more than I think men need leadership leadership is important I've always known that Dad but I never thought about it in connection with my own business but starting Monday morning it will touch me to stir things up a bit I'm going to show these fellas what leadership me and then we'll see we're going to have leadership the way my old man told me you put a handkerchief on your head you spot an imaginary elves you rock on the porch all night sales are the most important thing in this business seeing as our salesmen and all closer together than we have in the past in order to get more sales but first martinis that's all for this meeting but I want to check with each one of you personally before you go out this morning Jimmy I'll talk with you first it's you've got the most problems the meetings adjourned Jimmy from what you say I put these two away for two weeks whack of whack employ time is too valuable to be spending on them right now yeah and then I take these four in this order our boss where you help me with my soapbox racer and serve your time and covering them now you gun the others up in this end of time when you get up there no sir I don't believe I have all right here's a lollipop Jimmy I'll give you the names of three Chevrolet owners who live up that way crush them and all three of them should be about ready to buy meanwhile Eliot Ness and his Untouchables head for a speakeasy in Berwyn centaur gets the most sales because he's a shapeshifter Harry I don't think you drove quite far enough with that prospect before you let him take the wheel yes mr. Warren but he bought the car yes I know I know but I'm speaking about your demonstrations in general but he bought the flippin cars to turn the wheel over to your prospect pretty early in the demonstration ride ain't no but I you know of course that when you drive first your prospect almost unbearably drives back over the same route that you took but he bought the car and if you driven onto that rough stretch up on Summit Avenue you wouldn't have to direct a little bit later he bought the car you a chance to have him keep his mind more on the car but on the road you get a nice out the spot I'll go along with you again this morning Jimmy on these first two calls gee that'll be swell mr. Warren I'll sure appreciate your help I always learned something too when we go off to Delhi yeah maybe I can kiss your button way out huh how about anything just kind of push my family out of the way I kind of live out of my car if you know what I mean they're just [Music] so that's when I got into cognitive spoon collection you why'd you punch it Jimmy I want to be in Tijuana by 8 o'clock or you're fired but really with Floyd the barber oh hold the car is a wonderful hope now listen I said no to you to yesterday what ma'am do you know that Chevrolet is a wonderful plan for your life why'd you bring the greasy guy let us see him again tomorrow be sure to have mrs. Mac come into the showroom tonight with her husband okay I'll sure do it and thanks again for your help mr. Warren may I call you I'd like to see you again sometime are you now or have you ever been a Ford owner I wouldn't buy a car from you or the last man on earth yes sorry sack that's why your truck got a book comes in or dead find the information you want on that special equipment right back here some ways now show this information to your prospect - just don't keep glancing at it and telling him about it let him read it very often the printed word is a big help in closing the sale oh look its salesmen parent conferences my life is a hollow lie just too many of the man's hand now George that's the reason we couldn't afford to offer a higher appraisal yeah I can see your side of the picture yes with the know-it-all too George for example right now we have in a single thirty-nine Plymouth four-door on the lot and that means we can afford to make somebody a pretty good offer say I've got a prospect downtown with one of those not too hot but I was going to get to them again in the next few days fine get them in here today and I'm sure we can make them an offer that'll close the deal for you besides we can use mr. milk buck depend on what our mr. Hill here has just told you and I'll give you my own personal word to that if you have any trouble along that line we'll make it good and the last two cars I bought when I had trouble was always my fault never the cars we want you to be just as satisfied with your new Chevrolet next year mr. Milton as you will be next week that's exactly right just buy the car we could have a quarter to make the investment we have here and as we gave the kind of satisfaction that make our customers come back to us year after year we want you to be a regular customer to mr. Milton in fact we hope you'll buy your next 10 cars from a 10 car this will give you the kind of service it takes on this one to bring it back to the next one and the next and the next so on you see that's the only way we can hope to are gonna keep this from Gladys Adlai Stevenson buys a car good salesman bad salesman think could think I do now if you want to see your daughter again you'll do what I now let us pray Lord huh you could hurt me [Music] it's a sign a just sign it sign it well can I keep the pen I was kidding I was going to sign when I walked in here you know Christy ahead at the break done in Stuart close behind Ruth believe me leadership is he talking to us very tired good men make sure they're clean that they're well-trained on their own product and on competitive products second check their teeth be sure they have all the equipment and selling helps they need and know how to use them yes third right third help them plan their work to make the most effective use of their time and forth live at home till you're 40 was touch with every man know what each one is doing work with them name names and fifth keep up their enthusiasm enthusiasts encourage every man every day give them back rubs and never forget I love you as I did that be move-in presents you it's got the giggles tonight stay Pink's often oily [Music] oh man Jerry we louder hey isn't that the John Belushi biography well that's something you didn't hear much during the Bush administration so the feet rule is hired to laid off and Jim heavy are going to say the rescue hmm Jim handy Jimmy you want to make a big success selling Chevrolet sure we all do what it takes real cream you joined us with a fine reputation as a salesman and other lines now get back on your side of the desk I've never sold Chevrolet's before but I believe I can do it yeah right and Jimmy and I want you to know that I picked you is the most likely to succeed out of a number of young men we've been considering to fill this opening in our sales organization that's mighty flattering mr. Warren I'm going to do everything I can to try to prove you're right it isn't mine want to get started just as soon as I can - do I start selling right away fine absolute choice you got a million product I hear some things we want to do before you even think about contacting there put on this jewelry you know then when I was in pet club and here's my senior picture why does he have to read The Joy Luck mum my failure looks more and more imminent cop-killer now we have to read his boss's prose if you flip a real fast the car seems to move oh now there's a pretty all-encompassing book you know that's what honey I got a job can I come in please Oh Chuck can I use your bathroom come on dad it's not insurance this time it's really neat it's cars this is the front door you would just set the back door yes I shouldn't be trying to sell cars in Amish country not going away this time I can stand here all day oh good my taxi oh good morning sir or madam I love your nice Chateau chef oh oh I just bludgeoned my husband I really don't have time thank you yeah I'm the case the joint it's all right that's what I need a car to show none of these prospects see what's good so time for booze oh the best I've got so I'll stay with them what a loser no no you see it's called a car I just want to read you one of my poems it's dear ol Isaac took home I know you don't have a license but now look at this oh no this one's really amusing Garfield both authorities time at love this yeah I thought I knew something about truck but I was living a horrible line to seem to fit his job I didn't know which one to concentrate on oh yeah you Sarah no no but I'd hate to make that sale I made oh man Simmons day before yesterday is going to have to last me all month that's nice so maybe it's just like the brows of the master I just don't seem to get the hang of this business the wipers work oh no no I don't want the budget wait a minute wait a minute let me can I tell you about the rear wheel drive as good as this one's about a priest a minister in a rabbi I see and they're going down now you're telling it wrong it's mr. Brooks the Chevrolet the action assembly is different than the Plymouth unit I understand the Plymouth has the most expensive construction of any car oh he got me the too many actions well I don't know the difference I do know that Chevrolet is better what a dork the most humiliating afternoon ever had I can't believe it whether this couch maybe I should not have dressed as the Angel of Death ain't nobody buy a car pass it down I have often walk down the street people wore submitted for your approval a salesman who has no Ellen but could off myself and as I call on Beacon Street that probably failed there too it's way on the other side of town I don't have a car hey my just as well go after write them all look they're like signs on every door now we have a car Edna Ferber and Joseph Kennedy and then I became an Eagle Scout but enough about me okay could you turn down the music I can't everything is saying mr. Harrington three hundred and ninety dollars is just the absolute best we can do on your car and that's exactly the reason royal and by you to follow the line I knew you'd try to make me pay money up but Jimmy we've got five thirty nine four two doors on a lot now don't you think I know that I live in a place we don't need thirty-nine two doors okay I see your side of it I suppose if I sat on my butt all day I'd see things that way too [Music] didn't know we had a prison record says here is water tonight Oh what in the world assault with a deadly weapon aka the pantsless salesman or the peddling peddler what I he got a D in trigonometry Mike oh well but he is a Pisces with the Moon in Aries they'd fire him if he weren't my son are you there Lord hello that there's a blue stake in a pitcher Marty's my name on it [Music] now that's nearly impossible no human under my employ has ever sold a car well I guess no one wins the Mathis album I could read I'd know what the problem is oh there's problem I forgot to carry the two Willard Scott dad you're smoking my kids bubble pipe nice night for it I think it's time for you to move out of your own son well at least he's got a nice wife to go home Oh awkward moon for the misbegotten death the sales manager and ring hey looking beef your son I thought you two boys might like some refreshments so here's a picture of nice Stoli lemonade no Frank's right up front banks love it and tonight we'll have some nice hot cuddling ah gravity at work who's that now a man on our porch steps oh well I'll go deep fry something now be upstairs in my burlap Teddy's got something mighty important anyway these days haven't you said mother trip spirit especially to lay off the usual things crushing puppies business you know sales problems sales I don't try to fool your own dad there's something extra special worrying you or I miss my guess you killed again haven't you son you know I was just take the average young fella today he won't get out and work the way we used to when I work it work it huh huh what makes you think that won't take this young fella Jimmy Hill for example Hey last month when I was looking for another new car salesman he looked at me to have twice as much on the ball as anybody else I could find he looked like a pretty good boy to me too that's right just a question oh yes he makes a sale now and then but that isn't the kind of a man I need or what as in denying the knack of selling in her support oh no what he's doing wrong I can see enough of his sales reports mmm pretty much on his own then oh you blame me huh but he's had a good thorough basic training I haven't got the time to play nursemaid any of the salesmen maybe not son but I wouldn't know about that that's I handle a Salesman that isn't what Harry carpenter told me when you started out to work for him eleven years ago Jack Hughes I got out and worked hard that's what I'm concerned about right now young fellas today won't work the way we did eleven years ago hard maybe not son and then again maybe they're working harder than you think oh the thought you know ruminate on that one cheating how to make it work for you at home and on the job a son Tron production although we got the idea from a different company because we're cheating thank you [Music] the Jack Benny program ever needs a Scrooge hmm why don't they call because they don't like you ain't had plenty of time to decide a young franz kafka eats his feet nickel go write some nocturnes for depressing phone sex dial one nine hundred alfalfa hope the Foley guy must be calling yes this is John I saw what you did yes I know why you're calling they did oh they did I'm on the body hmm no I guess that's it then thanks anyway and his parents officially cut ties good thing I have my paxil geez this kid could freak out Jamie [ __ ] no this room needs a plant did you hear about John Taylor they voted him out a student council representing Lee Perry would call John Taylor you a cheap John John what have you done mother Teresa called she hates you remember how it all started the day you went over to Mary's house to study a test remember they're not enough bell towers in the world good job John now look the problem is to factor x squared minus 9x plus 20 and how do you do it let's just cheat x squared minus 9x plus 20 you take the x squared minus the 9 action mm-hmm nobody home you subtract X from x squared and then you John this is geography Oh golly Mary I don't know anything about this factoring business John you do too now the answer is the corner of the X minus 5 times the quantity X minus 4 how do you see how I got it yeah I guess I do but golly Mary this stuff's awful I just don't get most of it so just have to you won't pass the test tomorrow I know it Mary will you kill me if I get stuck on the test you'll help me won't you how can I help you it's easy Miss Granby hardly ever comes back to where we sit if I get stuck I'll just ask you for the answer what point well I don't know I'll forget it I probably won't have any trouble anyway is it Ruby but you remember what happened the next day John you committed a mortal sin and Lee's test was even tougher than you thought it would be there were a lot of problems you couldn't work and it seemed to you that you didn't stand a chance hop it and stop the voice in my head and right there in front of you set your pal Mary with her head chock-full of all the answers you needed split it open now you thought about it there you were desperate and there was your salvation with alarms reaching a doily so you decided to take a chance hey Mary what's the answer before help and of course Mary being Mary gave you the help sweet Mary no oh was all so simple you began to wonder why you'd spend so much time worrying about the test yes sir you felt pretty pleased with yourself you'd put one on this Granby a few days later miss Graham Bay returned the graded papers your one mistake you signed your test Mary Matthews oops this contract arrived for you from a mr. Elza bub for the first time Johnny feels real power there a shadow of doubt and Miss Granby space as she looked at you or was it lust what was there from his grandma to doubt after all wasn't this the best grade you'd ever made on an algebra test maybe that was it maybe the grade was too good mmm-hmm somehow that odd little look miss Granby gave you seemed to haunt you did you really miss Randy oh she didn't mean anything that test wasn't very important anyway yeah just keep telling you that I thought it was just a little thing but it was the beginning of all your trouble you're talking to me hey after that life went on for you pretty much as usual you are busier than ever with sport shaving points with Mary in your friend Jim and most of all with your new job a student council reckon vision a cheating winget always wanted to be on the student council and you were really proud of yourself the day you were elected to take jack Martin's place when he moved out of town under mysterious circumstances SST of keeping your grades up and your enemies down was your problem dear Joe McGinniss I admire all and you do better if he had parents yeah hello this is Jeff even it's real fans get a hamburger I can't Jim I've got a homework to do I don't worry about it you got plenty of time I will bring you down Johnny okay let's go get a hamburger I'll see you in a minute now is this Ingmar Bergman's first American fan you think the big clock in the hall went on ticking off its even measure of time and you went on this before eating hamburgers while the world you and Mary were still the best of friends but Mary had assumed greater importance to you you came to depend upon her more and more in your schoolwork although you seriously realized it you worked her like a punch press John it was any smarter than you were it was just well the cheese seemed to find more tail daddy we and your student council representative and a very busy fellow you gotta help me what's the answer to number 9 I smell a big commie rats John bring it up here please [Music] fortunately your mob ties will get you off Johnny yeah wow that's Randy I'm afraid I'll have to give you both 0 on the cash ja voll my urine and both of you are to report to me after school please and so data Plato's career begin so you were caught John you were exposed in front of the class and what's more Mary was involved too Mary who was only trying to help Mary we'll have to take the fall then what happened spare some change late thing between your little coldly perhaps it was because they had studied and worked hard for their grades yeah maybe they felt that you're cheating gave you an unfair advantage I belong and have their faults about you were reflected in another way hey what's up million of the student council they're hanging you in effigy that's funny my name is dawn there I'm on the student council I don't think you'd want to come to this meeting it's about you me that's what I hear by the way have you seen my ribcage hey you mind calling me after the meetings over and let me know how it comes out no I wouldn't mind we really should be talking through our lawyers no I don't say that what John did was right but I do think we ought to give him another chance you mean you think we are lame go on being on student council I they for sure I know the senator yields a good representative that's right I don't think anyone to cheat should hold office yeah we should last you represent [Music] wait a minute we won't get anywhere by all talking at once are we ready to take a vote now Margaret chase Smith all in favor of giving John another chance hold up your hands whoa all you think we should elect a new student council representative hold up your hand holy cow well I guess most of us feel the same way about it who's going to tell John Oh tell him I said I'd call him when the meeting was over I'll call him as soon as I get home if you want I could turn him into furniture John I guess you know who I'm calling yeah we had that meeting about you a little while ago he decided to elect a new student council representative made some powerful enemies son sorry Johnny but I guess you know why Matthieu student canceller yes John you why it was he'd been caught in a trap of his own making and had involved his friends too he now found himself looked down on by friends and classmates I have to bathe his mother but did John really intend to be dishonest or is he just pure evil should marry share any of the blame sure was it fair for John to use Mary as yeah she was there and what about his classmates did John's cheating hurt them in any way what do you think riddle me this Batman the end for Johnny at least important dope be resolved your last clear chance for fantastic savings the National Safety Council oh ha ha Jack Kevorkian throws a tailgating party it's up for me I'll lock the pepto-bismol car never let this happen to you don't make the mistake these people made don't die well one lilacs last in the dooryard bloomed oh I suppose I should have gone in for a few minutes but I just couldn't do it because of the tear in the sprocket holding someone from a family someone cut down in the prime of life is one of the perks of this well it's hard to take I could say goodbye from here bye Oh besides and I could do more good out on the road I could keep trying to prevent other people from killing themselves in their cars so cry into our little is like the dictionary it's that heartbreak that never quite healed like psoriasis it was hard to believe that just a few days before I was being spanked by Rogers family had been as happy and contented a group of people as you'd find anywhere that I showed Frank jr. had just come home from college to give his dad little help on the farm for the summer never since the heart attack dad buddy was a basket weaver he was a chip off the old block studying scientific agriculture at school getting ready to follow in his dad's footsteps longer than rubenstein rich girl Betty Hutton had been waiting for him of course course everyone knew they'd be getting married before too long when will we be getting married for too long mr. Dixon's new tractor and just arrived down at the Union Pacific freight station and they all went down to inspect you can guess there's not much going on in his town around and just taking his driving test whether for allons sure wanted to drive his dad's new tractors but until he actually received the license dad Dixon wasn't letting him on the highway not even on a tractor well you're not ready for the highlight yet these are fruits you must not take oh do we dare I feel so free hood he's off the ramp there boom the yupi station agent had reminded Frank that the 411 streamliner was due any minute and of course with Betty there he wasn't taking chances anymore of course when he's with Cindy he don't care look that's terrible all the time well a lot of people in the cemeteries would be alive today Sorenson hey my advocate is here it was the next Monday that Alan Dixon's first driver's license arrived in a new mail delivery boy was he proud of that license he couldn't wait to show it to his brother mom stop you know their license is sort of a milestone it means all the roads are now open to new people and just as naturally wanted to make use of it on any errand it is dead or his mother or his grandfather I danced to Flo Ziegfeld you know the only trouble was I had to choose that moment to drive in and spoil things oh it's the heat understand you've known a family as long as I've known the Dickson's they don't treat you as a cop but as a friend I thought we were all paid up underneath another 50 real shame if something happened to this land Oh Alan grounds drivers wife oh is that right my legs do that you see that you're not a black female I guess that makes it official where'd you get it just came today oh just today huh why'd I see while driving on highway 30 yesterday morning I have no son it was my fault I let him take the car to go and see his girl I'm sorry we shouldn't have fine way be starting a driving violation already you're spending the night in the barn with your crazy cousin sorry well it's only a technical violation I didn't come here to arrest you Alan I needed to get in that license any day now and I thought this would be a good time to come by and tell you a few of the facts of life about driving before you get started see when a man loves a car very much you recline the seat back these are accidental report from my headquarters officer is this going to take long the figure represents someone injured or killed and we got a crop out in the field we got a cup city streets it's getting late roads we really gotta go ways on railroad got a mole that hey down before we got to get it to America the figures are here lose a lot of money if we don't some of them you've read about in the papers others we hushed up big spectacular crashes caused by terrific speed Oh drunk driving or some other form of what I call near insanity stop the near insanity only squeeze the law stop scientists in restricted speech zone and the light little violations that most people get away with time after time maybe getting a ticket or a warning like Frank jr. did file a PDF of getting hurt but those little violations stay those little checking take day by day that's where you start playing roulette with your life you're taking a big gamble with your life you violate a no passing line on the road whoa earlobes won't stop growing you're taking a big chance and ignore in front when you follow too closely at highway speed maybe a medal will do these things a hundred times and perfect safety all the other pretty good we need the law nothing happened don't forget that other law the law I regret nothing sooner boy it catches up with you hmm this accident was number one for the driver involved first one he'd ever had but it was this last one too he took one little chance too many Frank is taking too many chances in his car mother no I you'll be all right oh yeah he'll be all right if he takes to heart what I told him about signs signs of life that's what stop signs and all the other road signs really are and missing one of them as you drive along just ignore anybody know this guy that's one of those little things that kills people the world made sense in our hazard on a road there's usually a sign to tell you about it like a curve warning a right-of-way sign neural bridge signals ahead do the letter no past doesn't mean many up all new girls whites-only but for too many drivers a stop sign like this for example is a target has no importance unless they can see cars crossing a road ahead right now a school crossing sign for some drivers seems to mean little or nothing [Music] children killing blocking the street at that moment as the railroad crossing the spark Adam some drivers I guess the one tracts don't even exist nope unless there's a streamliner passing by right in front of you dirty Marion quiz Larry no hard as it is to believe there are many accidents where the driver ran past three warning signs and straight into the side of a moving train good riddance I say broad but it happens even more often at night that's when the warning signal across book are really your signs of life you see son we all die alone in a phrase still there but you have to be twice as alert to see if you hadn't seen the sign more you haven't lived this train might come as a surprise to you the Train thank you very much Melissa any town us airily signs and signals that are so easy to see in the daylight become easier to miss as the Sun Goes Down Twilight is a dangerous time of day when things are half visible half and deepening chef half-naked street at night becomes a maze lights and neon signs while disdaining with one another to catch your eyes don't ever go to the city the dirt of the traffic signal in your pan oh there it is almost lost against the other lights beyond God I had some times in this town anyway even a blinking red light of the railroad wig wag is hard to pick out sometimes though maybe with like anywhere day these are your signs of life whose purpose is to keep you a lot even though you don't deserve it it's a strange thing but some people actually resent traffic signs and traffic laws we resent you being here cramps their style they figure rules are for the other fellow not for good drivers like themselves they're communists here's one like that hmm Robert Bainbridge Bainbridge Tamara and I yeah oh I know him I ran against him on the track team do you know I'm like this who are you what are you I'm gonna go throw myself in the Thrasher yeah even with sensible safe drivers yo the way I bet with your running lights no intersection water I applaud you might wonder where is the danger we keep talking to partner well here's one danger kidnapped petit on long trips there big is a big oh you should stop at least once every hour get up stretch your leg take some bending those cobwebs out of your head okay that slows down your reactions and it's 60 miles an hour of power you can't afford my life is a lie oh don't bother you mark on me [Music] another montage hopper here is still another danger lack of attention to the road sure it's an open highway maybe they're right beneath ya and I buried the victims right over there there's a tank 40% of all expressway accidents involve a car that's already stopped driven by this gone the road partway on or not far enough off this is an invitation look at that over there they're smart at that thing och mr. president please lovely avoid whoa almost ran over Kissinger I'm gonna have to go back here is another hazard of our super highways that we patrolmen see all too often women drivers every time you have to hit your brakes hard Saints Parcell why weren't you ready for the danger that's suddenly developed 40% of all accidents are caused by women's hind errs Harley pulls out without looking it's always sudden of course and always surprising but never dull a man who decide to the last moment to make grandma know the entering car that fails to yield the right-of-way the paid assassin cruising through town well sure the other fellas off at the park and because the crash is all his fault you may be dead just the same would you please please leave a lot of accidents it's pretty hard to tell just who is to blame is right now ask you to talk impossible to tell sometimes but there's what I can be a never a single doubt what's that at a railroad crossing yeah the Train sure has the right away yeah well you know the railroads been here for almost four generations every farm family in these parts uses the railroad to ship their crops we all like to ride the train I like to pretend I'm an engineer why is it so many people don't see the trains at the crossings it seems impossible that anyone could fail to see or hear a train in motion what race the locomotive is certainly big enough and the train-of-cars behind it maybe as much as a mile long and yet many people who have lived through a crossing accident will say I never saw it until it was right on top of me where did it jump from near Pease well it came on the rail it couldn't come from anywhere else but if you paid no attention to the signs and you didn't look and didn't listen and you deserve to die it came out of nowhere an approaching train starts the signal while it is still some distance away never try to guess how far don't yes at all and don't be in place and don't get a haircut like that incoming can't stop trains are blameless holy creatures I have no feelings for you what this is a loveless relationship I went out what I proposed by your talks what do you think means means that a condition of fatal danger exists at this moment at this crossing maybe the last train you waited for was a slow Freight it took several minutes to cross but the next one may be a fast free fall into the coast on a tight schedule it has no time to stop for you corn shucking crackers remember that many freight trains today are faster than passenger trains of 15 years ago Wow many crossings have more than one set of tracks and each one a separate has eight when you cross claw make sure all tracks are clear don't trust anyone turn your back on hope and love don't let a double track double-cross you a little train choke stop look and listen across buck stance all right and roll let's listen okay now Stein approaches let's see how close it comes before we hear it I think I would go something like this wait for at any moment hmm I'm the impish officer of death where did that train come the station where does any train come from comes on the rails of course drew hey and who gets killed at the crossing we all do someone who's crossed that same track at the same place a thousand times before I'm making shooters in our pants one time is all it takes quit kissing up send for help the cop won't leave Big Daddy's birthday I've got life and me Big Daddy please speak to Frank about his driving it worries me okay I will I'll do it tonight this is the prequel to in cold blood I surrender how I give up what's the charge oh no slaughter I'm just giving Alan some free advice now that he's licensed drivers well I remember that advice you gave me the other day at the stop sign or you give it mine well dad dad can take the corns down now okay on your head but take it easy oh I'll be real careful goodbye he'll be all right look at that guy going hey maybe we better go along with you make sure he gets down okay got me Sarah okay fine bye everybody doesn't anybody do any chores on this farm so they're wet Allen with his new drivers license and Frank and Betty right behind honors nice a summer day as you could wish for it's a good day to die high club high tree say they're pretty cute road sign hi you know I've got a feeling that one of these characters is about to see their own intestines Hey look that's my brother in that truck what are the chances of that happening hi brother hey captain was anything about doing intensely stupid things ever way while driving never look backwards while driving forward never under any circumstances drive with your butt cheeks my plans working you will die keep going this their gadget [Music] can I have your room well live and learn say nice but Toro Toro ha ha ha I'm kidding well I'd tuck you in but you're dead gee lady sorry about your boyfriend so you want to have a drink maybe at the bar car over the post chain Joker's in Croke work sorry [Music] no Sun 40% of all I know shut up will ya would you identify this bucket full of your brother too why don't they look well tell me why don't they look your deep Ernie no I didn't go in burying someone like young Frank Dixon is too hard to take besides I hate to shovel maybe I could just slip over there for dessert my plan tonight was out on the road out on the road I could at least try to keep other people from killing themselves in their cars oh you're doing a great job so if the next car I stop happens to be yours set a place for me at your dinner tape don't tell me you were only speeding a little only breaking the law a little only doing something a little bit wrong save that for somebody else brother oh my God he's snap how many little Follies he's a bad couple to lose a little bit dead I'm going to grab a little bit of lunch folks we disavow anything to do with that officer in fact he was fired years ago that's right since his reign of terror we've instituted a strict policy any officer appearing unannounced and a farmer's house will be severely reprimanded gauguin choke off for dead people are dying every day tick tick tick tick that dude dude I did a little I did yesterday they're doing a little deed dad [Music] young man's fancy crinkle-cut potatoes that little character was in cats was neat well you know she's got a darling dragon her figure wow this is too tiblet really washes Wow she's listening to her D minifying best teens did lush orchestral arrangements twelve o'clock and time for the headlines of the latest views of the day according to the latest bulletin ironing can be deadly sometimes telling off almost ready thanks to easy to do easy to bear can put them together and do a bloody Berlin job on them dad kind of panties itself whitey cook since we got an electric range be pretty good at it too that's our poker today we'll just take a few seconds to get up you know also I'll be finishing how to say mother your space can be slick if we had an electric iron like Sally's mother has a perfect blood and I'm looking forward to having an electric driving tiller she blind nothing then we'd have a complete American laundry we won goodbye on wash day that's what are we really tomorrow if you like you feel better I think they're both trying way too hard another lonely Thanksgiving Oh No cling free you know right when all the threats are nothing my emotions mean oh there's love bacon crispy crunchy like this yeah evidently he's got will be here food no one's going to take it away from you sighs maybe but really awful good whatever happened to my pet Vietnamese pot-bellied pig mom what's sex I almost forgot a lot of things I'm another minute dad was coming home tomorrow yes he wrote to say you're bringing a friend with him could it be say a friend I mean did he 12 dark and handsome I hope he's horny is what he said alex is a real great guy even though he's serious minded and tops in all his classes he's my soul mate got a job lined up for the construction gang near us and I knew you wouldn't mind if he spent a few days with me since it's the end of the term hey pretty girl alex has little time for girl oh I knew it'd come but he doesn't even dance and his clothes woman-hater in his way hm for pete's sake what do you know that goon brother of mine would bring home something that lives under a rock Judy I do wish you'd speak English like normal human being besides I'm sure mr. v is a very nice young man I know but just because bob is a book cook it's no reason you have to bring another one home with him that receipt oh there's a special message for you I load you I'm be sure and tell Judy to keep her ground in little paws off of my friend he's got no time for baby it's not Jerry sign that what's his name again George Kaplan Alexander Phipps Alexander Phipps sounds revolting so Montclair Mullen tea ever made my dear brother think I'd be interested in a character with a name like that well you throw yourself at any bad mr. Alexander Phipps is concerned he'll be like the world permanently alone and with the greatest of pleasure more fool hide the pain more monster the patty all disease aside the girl conceived of Buchan HEIs he Wow other Creators a book Hey the young Milly helper chronic kidney isn't about fun the bad person okay now what's the matter of opinion so put on a dress before they get here yes okay but nothing in Gondor fix whatever knows what up yeah if you're named Alexander Phipps it's just over for you how the bacon truck is here tonight's the night mom what do you care remember he made me Thunder Chippendale would you just get anything I'm mom I'm back from the 20g had good and they all had to be Robert McNamara on this is Alex hello Eric we're very happy to have you with us thank you mrs. Adams it's nice of you to have me it's nice to be had wait a minute don't tell me you're the twin without the Tommy not go sit on a carrot yet crumb alakazoo little sister I was telling you about Judi Alexander Phipps how do you do mr. Phipps so nice you could come thanks cutie and the name is Alex Xander Phipps did you buy back your lunch Oh mom didn't want as a lot amount of your meal besides we want to catch a shower I'll have everything ready by the time you get back join us later if you want mom oh I'm doing a hot biscuit to yours right hot biscuit Judy will make them for you Judy I didn't know she could biscuit in front oh well that sounds real good thanks he also prefers when I know you think your mom's your baby food oh I think I love tall applause my lady right don't you think so yes dear but Alex and if it's will never notice that you're a doll now make the biscuits you can hardly see where you bit me sure do get a smooth shape with a Selectric razor hope your dad won't mind know how you all mind Abed you always let me use it what I love that's a swell guy you'll like it just don't use this razor he goes ballistic hey you're not running out of hot water are you but I think you're not running out of hot water are you I stayed under quite a long time Wow I don't worry about that maybe you'd be the electric water heater - got it but loaded now we are playing a hot water all the time that sounds fun I got to get out of here hey Bob yeah I thought you said your sister was just a little kid she must be 40 when a bull yet she's still a little monster I'm a piece master there now I look like mom well thank goodness for my electric dress it was the fire extinguisher he'll never touch you Terry you're dirt hey you look mighty party and I thought my Ritter soared away how about that food oh is that all you can think of it a turn like this you mean lunch time don't change the subject I ought to wring your smug little neck what's the matter now what have I done studious serious-minded what are you talking about tops and all his classes point counterpoint Bob Judy alex is really a guy who has little time for girl oh wait a minute let me explain I don't woman-hater to boot I think you're a stinker no don't girls have to have brothers I love you too now sit down sit it's the truth Alex really has no time for girls especially you flattery will get you nowhere just watching your neck don't hate women hi hi Alex I know you're hungry you'll be eating in a jiffy oh my new kidney one of them InSinkErator make with the job right I think maybe fellow sorry to put you to all this trouble but that's no good no traveling hours everything so easy with an electric range obviously I'm sorry this but something better to say I hate to be corny buta look what's cookin still be still mom no it's how you love it wonderful my favorite dish now used to be my favorite dish he's you got a claw hammer or something I can work on this one hey the electric phone dad's calling from Chippendales I got two shows you won't be home more Similac dear did he arrive man who positively friend he runs around screaming real cool I'm Jonah tall good-looking we call it drips around schools it's a better call raising up again uh-huh it drives a real shocker convertible you really haven't been I wanted sporty look at me I get you know boys that's nice BAM I just try to sell my magic department or that's a wonderful idea have my way with them okay bye that still was really a production mrs. Adams can we help with the dishes uh-uh no KP duty around here dodging we got Dame's to do that quickly out of that hey you're already well thank you right here just for some of the others why what are all these gin bottles doing in here wait a minute Bob why not do it the easy way you're suffocating me keeping them eats beverage mom that used to be my job at home washing the dishes I mean all our problems do they've had their share but thank you no more lesson eleven victims around here God your hair smells terrific and the dishwasher uses such hot water you couldn't possibly picture fasting sure that makes the dishes identically claim I think well cookery and when I do the next well I've never felt so comfortable with the woman mrs. Adams Alexander please do you want to have breakfast sometime don't do this to me Alexander no computer that's quiet - hi Eleanor I'm busy down here at the White House okay beautiful now don't forget to call me will ya violent off Sally phoned and asked me to go for a swim thought you might like to come along and bring Alex oh thanks but I think alex is going to be busy now look small fry don't give me any trouble all I know is easy seeing a man at the Northwest machine works on a matter of hydraulics hey I don't you ask him yourself Hank I will I'm squishy and I need to move on it and the circulating air completely drive these stuff I don't know all of that [ __ ] rush you oh not all but to tell the truth mrs. Adams anything of mechanical or electrical nature interests me tits in mother hobby of mine dishwashers not exactly time study figuring out how to do things better [Music] something to them it is going for a swim sound interesting Alex it's a swell day for this is actually in it so there'd be great but I find you repulsive make it some other time I have an appointment this afternoon with an engineer the matter of fact that's one of the reasons I came home with Bob one the reason if I better hurry to thanks for the lunch mrs. Adams just please gone and got swim jury sharing will homo lecture about mushrooms you're dating Timothy Leary a mechanical problem connected with the lecture it's Alex lunch two girls dad I wish he'd do home cockroach sorry growing mushrooms under artificial conditions after all Electra may be very interesting he has no we should leave the house sometime to mom time steady earth tomorrow why did you say mother Judy I have an idea yeah I remember his father vaguely the trouble I had with him he was a thumbsucker things there's nothing I did with interest game until until what mother I got my tattoo even better how much you enjoy good food all the way to a man's heart Judy Oh mother that corny everyone likes good food I know dear but I'm thinking of something else too new dolls work and take a little conspiracy conspiracy a nice little conspiracy for a nice young man like whitewater remember I decided not to go to the Garden Club dinner tomorrow night because of our egg donors visit I'll change my mind I'm going to hell with Alexander and found out yourself by the mother knows best we probably need some rope long chains on oh yes you might really go and on a manhunt get me a man that EDD okay and some cats then tintin tintin tintin why I'm baking my panties but that's what mom suggested I'll turn it on now but I'll light it later here you go Daddy thanks kidding I don't think some mother now how long did you say it would take this to how to cook and I'd see your dinner should cook for an hour and a half at 350 degrees 26 sweetie let me make with mathematics I'm going to dash over Sally she's going to set my hair it's almost 3 o'clock now you will eat at 6:30 and your dinner takes an hour and have to cook the Nazis will be on you by then timing bombs would be tripped by the wires and we drive through you forgot to stop filming what is that switch so to go out automatically turn temperature die again I think this is cool when I'm not decide ok absolutely right so Larry not have to take the ham out of free will this morning it's mom in the guardian angels we're going out everything will be all right of course darling and be lovely now don't you worry this isn't the first we have you cooked you know no but it's the first meal I ever cooked for Alex getting squishy will ah Alex he'll be pleasantly surprised and impressed I left a very dear I have things to do and what's a four-letter word for nuisance standard sitcom joke landing on a runway 7 oh that's easy Ju dy yes are you going on can we give you a lift mrs. Barham no thanks boys I don't know just what time I'll be death tonight so I'm taking the car tonight a little bitter Oh Judi taking care of that Julie I Judy can't even boil water without Bernie ha ha ha a hamburger Harry's at least we get something to eat you'll be sorry why I wouldn't think I'm missing one of Judy's dinners thank you it's good Makar let's go quick you shouldn't tease her so dear mom I was only needless well don't overdo it you'll give her the red what she's squishy she's got the Reds what's going on around here your mother's a freak hash brownies look good by young mrs. Locke Horne prepares dinner already aren't roll the alley you know mushrooms a big favorites of mine please there's quite an air conditioning problem it's a whole towered play oh I don't think that'll be too much of a problem when are you going home that's what I need an idea to get my boss ta out of the freezer has anyone noticed that the daughter is psychotic well you can always give it a try mr. Adams oh this is like three days of the Condor I trust no one in this short oh dear I call that oh shut up the men are talking in here oh I don't know what I'll do excuse me sir lady in distress you do my friend trouble Judy can I help let me take a look talk to your dad about mushrooms think I impressed the old cart we have God your dad let that that's all I didn't suppose that happen to just one of those things first thing you do with an appliance doesn't work is find out if it's plugged in that's the trouble most of the time that time gentlemen no what are you interested in time study oh we can't keep of mine said the hook yeah bombs Lam aligned take your kitchen ever noticed anything about it's a prison the electric well the electrics a garbage disposal once across your electric refrigerator exactly Oh wonderful helps I have something a probably never thought about duty kitchen today's like a factory in a lot of ways where's your upper night up and only be good at the right tool to use yeah but your upper lip where did the best machinery that money can buy have you considered Grace's the work is done faster better and easier just as it is no modern kitchen see what I mean oh yes yes what about all these things not really Judy it's just that I'm interested in like to make a study of it now let's get those clothes off now here's another thing not only the best tool is important but everything connected with our use is taken into consideration don't wag your finger at me paint boy just like machines in our factory he's heating up a fine product he's in the zone they're not set this way just for looks they're placed this way for a definite purpose to save work time and unnecessary steps golly thanks I'm true means to meet a musician it's called time and motion study come in bring your sweet behind over this way let me work in that different take your home free get in full of fresh frozen foods oh there's a definite saving of time and money and you want to study this and right next to it I don't tell me I know um the refrigerator keeps day-to-day food and perfect freshness now tell me about the treats the dishwasher now there's a machine that does away with a chore that everybody hates I did not know that right next to it the garbage disposal put your arm in there I can be bring your buns over here sweet cheeks the electric range oh right and only a few steps from where the food is kept so it's like a normal kitchen notice how it all adds up to one important thing right love consideration for the housewife how does someone become how you say not make sure the big work saver Oh go now let's pour that in there that's right that's good that's ball you know having to do that the hard way Byam Judy beyond Thunder squishy I misspoke on hepatitis oh I certainly did sir the table looks beautiful duty yes in a pen when are you leaving Alex here's the judy judy judy judy well I brought along my appetite too so that sampler that's for me how about you Bob full but quick just a small piece for the boy at the end now try to get through perfect dinner Judy that's what you should have caught he couldn't fire water without burning you're a damn liar pineapple juice chill just fight and that ham steak Oh Roxy creamy potatoes butter lima beans and a wonderful cherry pie with whipped cream all right I think we ought to make them eat all those meals at Hamburger Harry for that kitty this is really exciting to me Eddie and I'm very proud of it chef Judy you did all right thanks but I can't take all the credit our kitchen does everything but Tom delightful uh about that lecture oh I don't know after such a wonderful meal I'd fall asleep of a lecture no boy here comes how'd you like to go okay let's get going on the dishes and Bob you can take in the lecture if you want no thang I'm weird watch TV tonight lot of good shows don't you young folks worry about the dishes and no trouble around here you know oh yeah your aunt uh actually I'm being indicted Hut see you later right double baguette son can't beat that okay son I don't just strap on some heels on a wig way I've been emasculated slipped me like a gelding oh I love that nice to see you how'd it go big success tremendous success we've got quite a girl there mother I think I'll let my luck just back nothing not oh why the living Alex left something about growing mushrooms under artificial conditions and avoiding the narcs I might find out how to grow them in the basement say I could move your loved one are you down ah really Harry this is the area this buildin rocky weather nerd council support your local nerd at generous grant from the mom corporation the incredible power of mom so the point of this short is that we should dabble in mushroom growing here [Music] oh they want their little gold jacket back narrow dangerous freeway these monorail designers they have a one-track mind money last show because we train and gotta catch my train I gotta get you gotta go isn't it great there's only white people here crushing pigeons it's fun yes Seattle like a beautiful child going up free and wild I'm going insane really have [Music] look there's Pearl Jam [Music] hidden a Jack Nicklaus called oh boy this is our first visit to Pat Boone world the train in this terminal rod can pass history of land visually the trade lab driving the model real drug so far let's start Microsoft here [Applause] the bathroom in the fair is up there well I'm glad to know that the future has constant organ music [Music] beating Marge Simpson hair Morrissey's wild mouse well young Mike nothing to despair [Music] Frank Lloyd Wright that great gifts from Germany to bronze lager cars reviews that don't work an identification papers problem you okay you pull he'll symbolize our looming marriage hey get your own mouth soon pain but that's okay just touch me wherever you want oh yeah that's when you make her phone come on let's go broke that Eskimo I'll come on your day and you know it I miss Matt in your head the Church of science beanie region style directors you know I just think if we went to back to a future performance could be really good amusing this means when instantly me as I said polyester alguna work for you these are actual gel molecules a beautiful complex carbohydrate it's a brand-new 1962 double helix it also goes round and round pretty that animals learn well as long as they learn to taste good I don't care here you're a geek wanted to bite the head off this bird now we roasted squab with new tails and it's only $5.99 okay folks am writing code for a Java applet here this pigeon also does caricatures at parties Robert Duvall visits the world celebrating Pride Week at the fair I'm gay I'm good about me I don't know I just seem to be drawn to that German exhibit just mow down the old people that's fine kids hey we're young in Berk you get the hell out of our way here is a world of communication who are you lured for your needs of today and tomorrow bringing together all people in a new era of understanding except the annoying poor introducing the rotary phone and in the phone pavilion dear and I'm wearing a fright wig keeping in touch by means of the amazing new bellboy is the bell systems answer today for doctors salesmen delivery men or anyone who must be available at all times in the fast-paced world of century 21 when someone calls and you are out you can be reached by dialing your bellboy code number of course this assumes that anyone wants to call you my pacemaker when you get a signal on the bellboy you can go to a phone to call your office or home and get the message copy later touch ok this is the automatic dialer just listen for dial tone insert a number card and press the start bar enron system automatic dialer dials for you more quickly and easily than you can do it yourself here you tell mom in pregnant numbers you call frequently can be punched on small plastic cards [Music] whoosh microphone thank you yeah let's head over to steak and martini hi this is the Bell systems new at Stone Valley with this indicator you see how many seconds you save the new way that's right ok our ratio for years there will still be a two dollar surcharge for this service despite the technology having proliferated everywhere in the planet he have given me real big victory welcome to our exhibit I'm glad to have this opportunity to tell you about the telephone switching center of tomorrow the electronic central office which is made possible by the magic of the transistor and other tiny but amazing devices invented by the Bell Telephone laboratories I'm Sharon Lawrence imagine if you can an electronic brain operating a millionth of the second speed i say brain because the new electronic central office will almost think for itself it will not only carry out instructions it will also remember instructions you provided earlier these memory features will offer many convenient services I'm sure you'll be delighted with for one thing you'll be able to reach frequently called numbers by dialing only two digits all you'll have to do is give the telephone company a list of the numbers you dial most frequently the electronic brains memory will do the rest if you're over like that to see how it works please watch the screen wait that phone's hanging on the wall what will they think of next return the phone grandma LSC No all right now let's say you want to call your mother who lives in Des Moines he calls her fairly often so the telephone company has assigned 5:3 as your special number for making this call when you dial the 5 and the 3 the electronic central office is brain [Music] moderator for what those two did Spectras and as the area code a phone number in Des Moines for you grams Barbara Bush hello hello grandma where's my money ever been invited out for an evening and had to turn it down because you're expecting an extra-special call no well the electronic central office will solve that problem for you too when you do go out it will be a simple matter to have your calls transferred all you'll have to do is dial a special code which tells the equipment frame you want your calls transferred and then dial the telephone number where you can be reached this is disorder our amazing electronic central office we'll take it from there then you can go off with your drinking and pill-popping that must be JFK hello no this isn't Diane its Linda what gives this is Jim Morton I was calling Diane brown oh yeah she's here she had her calls transferred to my house we're lovers now hi Jim and what about those times someone has tried to call you and your line is busy yeah we thought of that too we're the best fine Sarah that's fine I'll have the information for you at the meeting next Wednesday when you hear the beep tone on your telephone you know someone else is trying to reach you Sarah well you hold on just a minute someone else is trying to reach me all you do is flick the switch hook to hold the first call while you take the second oh hello dear I was just talking to Sarah but I left her hanging I love doing that I see okay dear would you tell Fred next time he's in town he's to bring Helen right in a body bag bye dear you click the button back and go on with your first call that was bird Kali is his pie isn't it and here's another feature you're going to find handy now look Sarah Jane knows a lot more about that than I do why don't we get her on the line and find out okay just a minute want someone else in the line that's easy to flip the switch button then dial a code number and the number you want and presto well andante maybe soon you'll have all your friends hanging up on you and dreading your calls hello Jane this is Martha then I have Sarah on the line and we want to know what to do about my wars we look to the future read the many extras for tomorrow's telephone users one day you may be able to call home and automatically turn off the oven if you're dumb enough to have left it on or from a public telephone a couple of hundred miles away tell your mistress you can't get away from your wife turn on your home air conditioner and have the house nice and cool when you return from your hot trip it may even be possible to call and water the lawn during that dry spell when you are many miles away on vacation how do you like it when the lawn pills on you I called your blow comb honey sounds fantastic doesn't it it is all possible because of the basic research our scientists and engineers at the Bell Telephone laboratories are doing to make your service better day by day from their work has come breakthrough after breakthrough in science providing the intricate device to the life the hell you're talking through sometimes through the invention of better things we are trying very hard to give you the kind of telephone service you want and need and we think you'll agree after seeing the many exhibits we have here there is no end to telephone progress now or in century 21 that evening the impressive cloud of the phone company I'm heavy over the [Music] the phones they're coming [Music] that is one impressive corn dog stand [Music] like the giant bowl of soup exhibit vicious gang of Air France stewardesses sounds like something from side 5 of sanding on a nail up high you can look really and you see at the any sprinkle show yes you're seeing it all as the present unfold what the future be you're a lady but you can't escape death and there don't examine your soul just get speed-dialling see the art shows repair on the bowl of voice leading everywhere right a rickshaw dine on caviar you can teleport a star someday you wake like a high age on a beautiful demonstrative produces bones G's been created for you in part it's just a fire hydrant the thrilling dog it's just a peek shows nothing you want to [Music] written transcript of this program

Channel: ReverendMayLynn

Views: 381,880

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Id: XQc_wX9Yin8

Length: 120min 34sec (7234 seconds)

Published: Sun Dec 31 2017