Terrible Nic Cage Movies You've Never Seen

Nicholas Cage is one of the most entertaining actors alive today if you've been watching my channel for a while then you should know very well that he has starred in some stinkers Nick Cage is one of those actors that kind of fell off for a little bit so he made a lot of pretty bad movies I'm guessing to pay his taxes because this guy he buys a bunch of dumb [ __ ] foreign cage has starred in a lot of movies that nobody has ever seen But one person has seen them and you're looking at them so I'm going to be telling you about three of those movies today the first one being outcast it was released in 2014 and it was directed by Nick Powell this guy has very little experience directing so take the stuff I'm about to say about this movie with a grain of salt or a bucket this movie is what you'd get if you had an AI generate a medieval hero's journey hot white guy is an incredible Warrior but he's kind of misunderstood he becomes washed up but still hot oh my God he's a druggie he's a drunk but it doesn't matter he's still hot he has a wise teacher that he could still learn a few things from but they've cut ties many years ago oh my God they randomly meet up again the hot guy meets a hot waifu Asian girl oh my God she's his girlfriend now and he also saves a child and he saves the World by sacrificing himself for the greater good but he still survives because he's hot so yeah this movie's trite derivative trash but at least it stars Nick Cage you're damn right baby girl I mean we gotta take the W's when we can you know the movie starts with Anakin Skywalker and Ghost Rider invading a middle eastern Castle together on some sort of crusade this is so cool Nick Cage is riding his trusty Steed he's stabbing fools he's blocking arrows this movie's gonna be great right Nick you know not really I'm only in like six scenes okay then Nick has a really weird accent in this movie I can't really place it the blood we still hears on our blades our souls not Gods it's like this weird bastardized English accent that's been fused with four other different accents from different parts of the world his accent changes constantly throughout the movie Nick Cage is talented but accents aren't really his thing so the Crusaders end up taking the castle by force there's a Time skip three years into the future and now we're in the Far East with this random King oh my God he's dying and he wants a successor to be this young kid because his other older son is too cruel to be king where have we seen this before Game of Thrones Gladiator pretty much every single medieval thing there is out there do you guys know what happens right obviously the older son kills the king in this movie he blames it on the younger son so he has an excuse to have his man go out and try and kill him they call this guy the king but isn't this China shouldn't it be the emperor no most of the acting in this movie is pretty bad but the Kings was horrible it was horrible it isn't the best interests of the people horrible movies like this that pretend that the only language on Earth is English come across very childish to me the Chinese people speak English in this movie The Middle Eastern people speak English in this movie everybody speaks English and everybody understands each other I get that that's an easier way to have the characters interact with one another but it's also the lazy way that completely destroys immersion guess who ends up saving the kid obviously it's Hayden Christensen his name is Jacob in the movie if you cared and oh my God this kid is being escorted by one of the hottest Asian women in the world I wonder who she will end up with Hayden is a Gary stew in this movie and it's really annoying he makes a ridiculous arrow shot he's a Flawless swordsman even when high on drugs it's just a little silly I think the kid's name is Zao by the way there's a hilarious flashback when Jacob is teaching Zao a lesson and we find out that Nick Cage was Jacob's instructor when he was little and when Jacob was a child he had the same silly mohawk haircut that he has to this day what you know just because it's the same person doesn't mean they have to have the same haircut their entire life also the audio in this movie is atrocious nearly all the lines are terrible ADR I'm sorry that's it and the music almost never fits the scene it's always too epic sounding for what's occurring this is one of those movies where they obviously couldn't film a very good combat scene because there's like a million Cuts in all of them every once in a while you can tell that the actors are putting their all into the action scenes but for the most part the action scenes are just a billion Cuts so you can't really tell what's going on but holy [ __ ] it's fast paced so it must be epic I've never seen a movie with so much action bore me to tears as well as this one has there's non-stop action in this movie and I fell asleep you know what that means I didn't give a [ __ ] about the characters because this movie didn't give me any reason to care about Zhao or his random hot sister I think it's his sister I'm not sure this movie did very little to make me care about anyone really so yeah when people are fighting for their lives you just can't help but not care at all the worst part about this movie is that Nick Cage is in this movie for the first five minutes and then he disappears for like an hour and then he pops up again Nick's name in this movie is galane and he has a very epic nickname the white ghost it's like a four-year-old made this movie what an edgy nickname you've got there Nick I am the white ghost Nick's acting isn't the best in this movie but at least he gives it some Pizzazz and he gets to wear a weird like Hood hat thing so that was pretty cool isn't it always weird in medieval movies when every character has like perfect pearly white teeth does anybody else very distracting I know I do Nick does get some drunken ramblings in this movie so that was entertaining that I'll drink too basically in the beginning of this movie galane that's his name galane thought he saw Jacob kill some women and their children entered the room after they were already dead so he just assumed that Jacob killed them and then he left disgusted never speaking to Jacob again until three years later wow you know you could have confronted him about this then and there instead of being salty about something you didn't even see happen and then had the truth reveal to you three years later Jacob was his pupil and he's scared to confront his pupil about something he did like what stupid so the good guys Ambush the bad guys and the general of the bad guys is wielding this huge goofy mace that looks like a pumpkin on a stick so Nick's random girlfriend dies it's not emotional at all we know nothing about this girl we know nothing about their relationship so it's made all the sillier when they blast this emotional background music and forced Nick Cage to cry bless Nick Cage man he tried galane the white ghost then faces a massive group of The Black Guard by himself the white ghost The Black Guard so stupid you want my blood this is Nick Cage's big action scene his big moment and it looks like [ __ ] this scene is trying to convince us that Nicholas Cage is killing all these men by himself but it doesn't look realistic in the slightest he flies to his death oh no he's dying and guess what his last words are I see you woman I see you I see you I guess because he's going to heaven and you can see his girlfriend who's sitting there waiting for him I guess he just calls his girlfriend woman that's true love right there what woman don't you ever stop very powerful stuff so then obviously this movie turns into a duel between Hayden Christensen and the big bad guy because how else would a seven-year-old write this when people get injured in this movie half the time there's just a CGI blood effect but the clothes that they're wearing remain intact it's very strange Jacob's girlfriend foolishly tries to kill the bad guy she's wounded so in a fit of rage Hayden takes down the big Baddie the little kid becomes king and then that's pretty much the movie thank you AI very cool oh and the hot girl survives obviously like what how would she survive that injury like look at what happened to her makes no sense anyway next movie Grand Isle this one was directed by some guy named Steven S Campanelli he's mostly known for doing camera work on other people's movies like Million Dollar Baby three Billboards and Maze Runner he's directed four movies in total so Props to you Nick for putting your faith in people who don't have a lot of experience what can I say I'm basically a hero it's really cool but it also results in him being in a lot of pretty mediocre to bad movies so I'm not sure how to feel about it if he didn't do this then we wouldn't have the best Nicolas Cage movies there are like Pig Mandy and Colorado space so you gotta take the bad with the good you know it can't always be sunshine and rainbows sometimes it's Grand Isle when was the last time you had your uh [ __ ] um served excuse me that long huh this movie starts with a woman being very creepy with some girl scouts at her doorstep and then there's a scene of this guy trying to rob Nick Cage's home so Nick Cage shoots him and kills him oh my God his fence is broken so he needs someone to fix his fence we're introduced to a guy named Buddy he has a girlfriend and a child and he's struggling to provide for them financially and even worse his girlfriend will not have sex with him he hasn't nutted in six months and his girlfriend doesn't want to help him his balls are about to explode lady but he needs some money so he goes to Nick Cage's house to offer to build his fence and Nick Cage is like sure you can do that if you finish it today I'll give you a bunch of money so buddy tries finishing the fence Nick Cage plays an alcoholic veteran with anger issues named Walter put your dick away wolf Nick's acting is a lot better in this movie than it was an outcast I'll be damned I really like it when Nick Cage plays a smelly long-haired [ __ ] I think he's pretty good at that then there's a scene of him sleeping with shades on his wife tries to turn him on by singing poorly she notices that he's sleeping so she slaps him and he looks her up and down and goes what are you doing Nick is not impressed fancy lady that's her name by the way fancy kind of a weird name whatever fancy brings buddy a glass of tea by the fence he drinks half and gives it back to her a few moments later he smashes his thumb because he's looking at her mate I saw that disgusting pervert if you notice the glass in Fancy's hand is full again what fancy invites him inside to get his hand cleaned up and she wants to bang this kid because she's horny and Nick won't have sex with her so in my defense it was November Nick notices them having a moment and it's so funny look at him in the background oh I'm sorry does that bother you it doesn't bother me one bit so buddy goes back outside and starts fixing the fence again then Nick puts empty beer bottles on the fence like a weirdo and then he starts using them as target practice like he goes up on the roof of his house with a rifle and starts shooting these bottles that are right next to Buddy it's so funny hey yo I mean it makes sense right Nick all you're trying to do is prove to this kid that you're the sigma male and he's the beta cuck loser right you know I'm actually kind of into soy milk at the moment a huge hurricane sweeps through but his truck won't start so he's forced to go back inside this psycho's home in the middle of a rainstorm so this movie does this whole thing where like they do this interview with Buddy after he's beat up and you're not sure why he got beat up and then they go back in time and show us how it happened I'm not a big fan of how they did it sometimes this works in movies but I think that storytelling strategy worked against this movie because the audience knows that whatever happens in this house will not lead to Buddy's death so it takes a lot of attention away and makes the movie less exciting there's a super awkward dinner between the three of them but he tells them how he met his wife at a young age and this is what Nick says in front of his wife poor bastard's only gonna sleep with one woman for the rest of his life he doesn't get divorced before he turns dirty bruh and then this is what he says the buddy right afterwards football fan or a baseball guy makes sense you like a soft sport makes sense that you would like a soft soy boy beta cup sport like baseball he then asks buddy when the last time he got his corn gobbled on you guys know what I mean and then he says I can tell you one of my life I can tell you want to [ __ ] my wife Nick just does not hold back in this movie does he fancy comes back and shoves her leg into Buddy's crotch under the table how's that Julep taste so far this movie is amazing and then Walter goes to bed like he just sits in his chair and goes to sleep like buddy is still there awake and you know that buddy wants to bang your wife and you know your wife wants to bang buddy why would you go to sleep the basement door has like 40 locks on it and Buddy asks fancy What's down there and fancy replies oh it's just storage what are you afraid the boxes of Christmas lights are going to escape obviously it's not storage she couldn't think of a better excuse and why didn't buddy question this she then brings buddy up to their bedroom and he just follows her this movie tries to convince you that buddy loves his wife but he just kind of goes along with everything fancy does come on let's go upstairs he does resist eventually but come on dude what are you doing don't follow her upstairs you know where this is leading she put her foot on your turn like what are you doing dude at this point if I were a buddy I would risk the hurricane and run to a neighbor's house but buddy does not do that fancy has a bunch of weird witch dolls on her dresser she then gets very heavy-handed with her flirting buddy trips Nick wakes up from the sound and he walks upstairs somehow Nick doesn't notice buddy and Buddy goes downstairs to sleep on the couch the Thunder then wakes him and he notices Nick sitting across from him smoking a cigar with a revolver in his hand he brings buddy up to the attic and tells him a war story my entire Squad every single one of them Nick's acting during this part is pretty good too bad it's in this movie and then we get the big reveal Nick offers buddy 20 grand to kill his wife oh my God I burst out laughing when this happened I swear to God I was dying because at this point in the movie you think he wants him to kill his wife because his wife just won't stop flirting with people the [ __ ] is too horny put her out of her misery here's 20 grand to do it he then tells buddy that his wife was diagnosed with terminal blood cancer she doesn't have long to live and soon her life will be nothing but suffering so he wants to put her out of her misery but he can't do it himself so he wants buddy to poison her but he desperately needs the money so he agrees instead of waiting for her to fall asleep he turns into a Peeping Tom and like peers in at her when she's taking a bath she notices him there and she's like come on in buddy let's have some fun and he's like okay Nick Cage is in the house buddy what are you doing and he's not asleep anymore and then buddy decides to bang Nick's wife in the bathroom when Nick is like a couple rooms of away at most what is happening in what world would he decide to do this and then they fall asleep together buddy wakes up miraculously before Nick enters the room to find them there fancy notices the bottle of poison and confronts buddy about it but he tells her that Nick wants him to kill her he then asks her if she has terminal blood cancer and she says no oh my God then why does Nick want to kill her in the next scene fancy speaks to Nick she tries to convince him to leave the past behind and it's time to move forward with our relationship coming from the woman who literally just cheated on him cool and then she stabs his hand out of nowhere and this is his reaction oh my God you see that [ __ ] this movie is so entertaining at times so I have to give it props but overall it's really bad throw it on the rack on the rack board on the rag Nick wants you to pour it on the rag buddy pour it on the rag at gunpoint buddy is forced to poison fancy but at the last second he attacks Nick and they get into a brawl Nick gets his ass kicked somebody ties him up the punch sound effects in this movie are horrible they remind me of old school Indiana Jones sound effects Nick reveals to buddy that fancy has a dirty little secret in the basement but he takes the key from Walter and unlocks the basement before he can go down there fancy shoots at him with Walter's gun the sound effects for the gun are terrible as well you can find better gun sound effects on YouTube for free so I'm going to replace the sound effects for this gun and then compare them which one do you like more whoever was responsible for the sound design for this movie just know that you completely butchered it buddy ends up finding a paralyzed man-held captive fancy unties Walter and they make amends with each other very quickly she just stabbed your hand dude but he's just like dang that really sucks why'd you have to do that and she's like sorry dude did you have to stab me so hard buddy and Walter get into another brawl and Nick says but Nick he is very clearly fighting back so what buddy kicks Nick down the hole that leads to the attic it looks like it hurt but he tries to escape but is bonked unconscious by fancy hey you finally awake buddy wakes up in a truck with a body next to him and the police bring him in for murder after questioning the police go to Walter's home with a search warrant now you'd assume that Walter and fancy would have removed any incriminating stuff from their home right especially after leaving buddy alive in a truck with a body in the middle of nowhere for the police to find clearly buddy is going to lead them to your house and guess what guys they didn't remove [ __ ] there wasn't a lot of foresight in this plan they just dumped him in a truck they would have been better off just killing buddy and burying him like what the hell the police find a girl locked up in the basement Walter is able to escape in his car I said my cat is stuck up in a tree would you shoot him down for me and the police arrest fancy I don't understand why fancy didn't run out of the room with Nick like she just kind of stayed behind anyway at the end of the movie Nick cleans himself up he gets in uniform then kidnaps Buddy's wife and forces him to reveal a secret from his past that doesn't matter to the plot at all Nick was supposed to be an ex-marine but he's wearing a bizarre looking quasi-military uniform that doesn't belong to any of the branches of the Armed Forces with the rank insignia of both Army private 2 and specialist 4 along with a checkered tie and two Army Marksmanship medals they just put him in a random military uniform and hoped nobody from the military would watch this movie I haven't served in the military so I wouldn't have known that obviously I did some research and found this out I can't imagine being someone who served and seeing this uniform because the fact that Nick is a veteran is a huge part of his character so you'd think making the uniform accurate would be important to the plot I guess not the police show up and Walter is gunned down as far as what fancy was up to with those weird witch dolls and why they were kidnapping teenagers well she can't have kids of her own but she always wanted a big family so why not kidnap a bunch of of people and forced them to have kids for you and then lock them in your basement what the hell Walter clearly has money he was gonna give 20 grand to this kid just to kill his wife he drives a nice car their house is not small they could definitely afford to adopt children and what the hell is the use of a big family if it's locked up in your basement what the hell oh my God so yeah this movie was dumb as hell but at least it was pretty entertaining at times unlike the first one the last movie Army of one it was released in 2016. surprisingly this movie is directed by someone who made a lot of very successful movies his name is Larry Charles he directed Borat religious Bruno and the dictator apparently he's also a comedian I mean it makes sense right because all of his movies are comedies and to be honest I think all of his movies are pretty entertaining except this one and of course it had to be the movie star Nicholas Cage do you know who I am this movie is not nearly as low budget as the other two I spoke about but it bombed hard in the box office damn it nobody saw this this movie is based on a real person named Gary Faulkner who was arrested in 2010 in Pakistan carrying a sword pistol night vision goggles a map and a Bible on his one-man quest to capture Bin Laden on paper this sounds hilarious even the trailer made it seem like this could be a pretty funny movie after watching it God is painful dude it's so painful there's a couple silly moments I chuckled a couple times here and there but this movie is hard to watch I'm sorry Nick but maybe comedies aren't your thing Nick is the funniest when he's not trying to be funny when he's acting outrageous that's when the real comedy shines when he's trying to be funny you get movies like this man this country makes the best goddamn chicken wings in the world now I haven't seen the whole world oh God this movie stars Russell Brand before he was a YouTuber and of course Nicholas Cage this movie is about the standard American Discord mod there were people like me doing things that people like you told us that we couldn't do that nothing great would ever get done Nick Cage's voice in this movie is a bit eccentric I'm a butterscotch man myself but I can go either way to say the least if you watch interviews with the real Gary Faulkner he doesn't come across nearly as annoying as he does in the movie for all of those that had something negative to say it sucks to beat you I don't know how Gary feels about this movie but if this were a movie about me I think I would find it insulting Gary Faulkner in this movie is exceptionally annoying one of those people that could quickly turn a fun party into a night from hell if you run into them Gary is very upset that the government can't find Osama Bin Laden so he's gonna take care of it himself I mean God told him to so of course he's gonna do it guess who plays God Russell Brand so let me get this straight God's British and he wants an American to take down Osan Bin Laden checks out one of Gary's best friends in this movie is named pickles because of course his name is pickles does Gary in real life have a best friend named pickles maybe maybe he does I'm pretty sure Nick says I'm sailing to Pakistan to capture Bin Laden like a million times in this movie sailing to Pakistan sailing to Pakistan sail to Pakistan while I'm sailing to Pakistan I'm going to sail to Pakistan a sailboat yeah to go to Pakistan to capture Bin Laden trying to go to Pakistan so I can capture Osama Bin Laden he tells everybody his plan everybody there's a lot of scenes of Nick with his girlfriend Marcy and all of them are boring I wish all of them were removed it's pretty astonishing that the same person who made Borat and Bruno made this movie because both of those movies are hysterical Nick's voice can be funny at times but it's more often annoying than it is funny he knocks over a bunch of kayaks in the store and then he buys a hang glider because he wants to hang glide into Pakistan he tells the cashier that he's the donkey King whatever that means I guess this guy had some weird nicknames in real life Gary almost gives up on his mission until God shows up at the bar to convince him otherwise this scene is painful in many ways you were disappointed I've been waiting for you to help me get me Shut the [ __ ] up let me tell you about a scene that I thought was funny there's a part when Gary convinces this guy to stamp his travel papers and yeah it's pretty hilarious would you believe in God and America and Justice and freedom and just doing what's right the more hilarious part being how the hell did this crazy person find his way to Pakistan apparently he did find his way there Nick's laugh for this Gary character is pretty funny at times is this guy how the rest of the world sees Americans probably there's a scene where a bunch of Middle Eastern men mistake his last name for fuckner it's very funny because Faulkner sounds like fuckner oh my God Gary performs reconnaissance to try and find Osama Bin Laden which is basically just wandering around Pakistan with a katana he tells a butcher that nor to sell his meat he has to speak to it and then this guy miraculously gets a lot of customers because he's speaking to his meat that's so annoying Gary loses a tooth in one scene so he has dental surgery performed on him in the middle of the street he smokes weed out of a can with some random guys and then someone steals his money what the hell is happening in this movie you can't make a movie like Borat and Bruno and expect it to be just as funny when there aren't real people involved experiencing these pranks you know I feel like this movie would have been greatly improved if they just made it in the Bruno and Borat style where they had Nick act as this weird character and doing all this crazy stuff and then onlookers thinking it's very strange obviously they would have to change his phase a little bit because everybody knows what Nick Cage looks like yeah handsome son of a [ __ ] that's what but still I think that would have been a lot funnier and a lot more down this guy's alley as it stands this movie sucks it's hardly ever funny there are a couple funny parts in this movie and I'm going to be showing all of them in this video so there's literally no point in you watching this then Gary demonstrates to some men the power of a weeb at the side mother Partners 100 pure Japanese Damascus steel rain Wilson from the office is randomly in this movie he's one of the guys searching for the American Samurai which I guess some Pakistani people dubbed Gary Faulkner Nick falls off a camel in one random scene they were so desperate to think of funny things to put in this movie that they just like put them all in and just hoped for the best Gary cries like a baby whenever he's speaking to God and it's not funny at all it's embarrassing to watch and then there's a scene when Gary fails to ride a motorcycle through an outdoor Market Nick's voice changes constantly throughout this movie he couldn't keep the same voice to save his life I'm gonna play Four scenes back to back and just listen to his voice in all these scenes me you're so funny I'm gonna take a Boombox well I love America so we're even here I'm pretty sure more people kick ass here than in any other country they're so different Gary hang Glides and notices Bin Laden and he swoops down to get him he wakes up connected to a dialysis machine and when he sees Bin Laden across from him his reaction is goofy as hell boy they then have a sword fight and it's awful of course this is all happening in a dream and when he wakes up he's connected to a dialysis machine and he's swiftly deported there's a really weird meta moment when Nick mentions himself which would have worked a lot better if he was disguised as someone else and he said this in front of a real person who didn't know it was him but they just didn't do that for some reason don't you think I look a little like Nick Cage and Conor at home Gary watches Obama announce to the world that Osama has been killed Gary doesn't believe it so he leaves to find and capture Bin Laden again this movie is terrible it's a lie and it sucks so bad because you can tell Nick really tried to make this movie funny and the potential was there you know oh well according to Nick director Larry Charles didn't get a final cut co-star Paul Shearer revealed in his unspooled podcast that the film was distributed by the company of Harry Weinstein and Bob Weinstein who were notorious for re-adding movies against their director's wishes to circumvent this problem Charles had frequent discussions with his editor about what shots he needed he purposely limited the amount of footage shot and did a lot of in-camera editing as to give the Weinstein's less opportunity to interfere with the final product so that kinda reveals why this movie was so bad it wasn't the movie that Larry Charles wanted to make but even with what we got I still think he went in the wrong direction with it he should have just did what he was good at you know then this movie could have been something really special at the end of the movie it stated that Gary is going to use the money made from this film to buy a kidney so he can continue his mission to find and capture Osama Bin Laden holy [ __ ] so yeah Nick what do you have to say for yourself ah guys gotta do what it goes gotta do sometimes Elvis yeah they're terrible these movies suck thank you so much for watching I hope you like this video make sure to visit alienclawing.com my personal clothing brand that's a-y-y-l-i-e-n-clothing.com we have a bunch of really awesome designs over there and I think you'll like them thank you so much to all my patrons that make videos like this possible and I'll see you guys in the next one bye foreign

Channel: Elvis The Alien

Views: 747,159

Keywords: Elvis the Alien, ElvistheAlien, satire, nicolas cage, nic cage, army of one, outcast, grand isle, movies, review

Id: NETCZ3abhf8

Length: 31min 54sec (1914 seconds)

Published: Thu Jan 12 2023