Why People With ADHD Struggle to remember Things

this episode is sponsored by one dream stick around till the end of the video to learn more about it hello brains apparently I forgot to do an intro for this video [Music] this might be the first Vlog I've done on forgetfulness I've definitely done a lot of episodes on this channel about memory stuff including like working memory which it turns out is what is impacted in ADHD but I I don't think I've ever talked about what it's like for me on a day-to-day basis the fact that this is one of the biggest things with ADHD is one of the reasons why I didn't take my ADHD seriously for a long time because like okay yeah I forgot my keys or I forgot to stop and get gas but everybody forgets stuff right this is a universal Human Experience everybody forgets stuff what I didn't know at the time was that that's true but not everybody forgets things to the extent that those with ADHD do it doesn't impair their lives on a day-to-day basis in the same way one of the reasons why ADHD can be so impairing is because we live in a world that's set up to accommodate typical cognitive abilities and so if most people can hold six numbers in their head those of us who can only hold four are gonna run into issues anytime we have to dial a phone number or remember what a teacher just said this is the biggest biggest impact of my ADHD is forgetting stuff and ironically I have gone an entire year writing a book called How to ADHD about all the things that I learned about how to work with my brain not against it and it wasn't until I talked to ADHD alien a year into writing the book that I realized I had completely forgotten to include a chapter about forgetting stuff and then I asked my researcher who also has ADHD to pull some research and he said he could and then when I checked on it he said I completely forgot and then I was going to record a video and I completely forgot and my my point is this is an issue it's an issue and that that is one of the symptoms that I've had that stated way back to when I was a kid when I waited tables I would sometimes look across the restaurant at a co-worker that I had been working with for years and completely blank on what their name was no clue I talked to them all the time could not remember for Life me what what their name was and it was really embarrassing I felt so ashamed because there's this kind of idea in society that if you don't remember something it must not have been that important to you I knew that I was making them feel unimportant and there are a lot of times in my own life that I felt really unimportant or small or forgotten about it's the worst feeling in the world to feel forgotten about and so it felt horrible to me that I was making other people feel that way when I was in fourth grade somebody I cared about a lot gave me this beautiful pair of real topaz earrings I took them off at some point and I forgot to pick them back up again put them back in and I lost them and I felt horrible because she had done this really sweet thing for me and I loved those earrings so much it meant so much to me and by forgetting where I put them and losing track of them I felt like I communicated that I didn't care about them at all and I did and there were so many times there were so many times in my life where I knew how it would seem I knew that it would seem like somebody wasn't important to me because I forgot their birthday or I forgot their name and I knew that that communicated that I didn't care there was this kind of horrible sense of guilt and shame that I was the kind of person who forgot people's birthdays or who forgot what they asked me to do I felt like such a bad person I felt so stupid I couldn't understand what was wrong with me and what was wrong with my brain learning that it was a working memory issue changed so much for me having that language was incredibly empowering for me because it gave me an answer that wasn't I'm stupid that wasn't I'm ditzy or flaky or or any of these labels that I had picked up it was it's a working memory issue my forgetfulness has cost me friends it's caused me jobs it's cost me a college education it's cost me a lot just on a day-to-day basis it's it's frustrating I've gotten to the point where I've learned how to deal with it but it's on a day-to-day basis incredibly impairing and I don't even know if I'm explaining it well but like I cannot cannot overestimate the impact that this has had on my life and the impact I taught on my self-esteem because it's really hard to take yourself seriously when you forget everything so quickly so knowing that this is how my brain works and that most of my brain is really speedy and gifted but working memory is a relative area of weakness I'm able to compensate for that using strategies there are some strategies that I use all of the time there's some I use occasionally the ones that I used to support my working memory I use all of the time more than anything else I always have a notepad with me either it's my notes on my phone or I have now a super note I've always got post notes sticky notes paper and pen and I just explained somebody's talking to me and they're giving me a lot of information I'll often ask them can you give me a hook to hang this on because you can chunk information together if somebody's telling you a story and they're giving just many details trying to hold all of them in my head until they get to the point is really difficult but if they tell me what the story is about then I can maybe put some of these details in the same category and I can hold them better in my head sometimes I will take notes uh during lectures definitely during meetings absolutely occasionally during conversations like hey this sounds really important like do you mind if I write a few things down so that I remember to ask you about it later a lot of times I'll ask like are you looking to vent or are you telling me things you want me to remember if you want me to remember it let me write it down I will also in the middle of a conversation sometimes get distracted by my own thoughts I think this has all happened to to us where in the middle of somebody talking we have something that we want to say and so we'll either say it you know right away because like otherwise we might forget it or we'll try and hold it in our heads but that's now taking up a working memory slot right and so I don't have as many free for listening to what they're telling me often what I'll do is I'll take whatever it is that popped up into my head and write it down in my notes pad I'll explain it to people I've got something in my head I'm trying to hold in my head if I write it down then I can get it out of my head and put my whole focus on you and I do this shamelessly now because I know how much it helps and I know how important it is if people are gonna feel like disrespected or like I didn't care if I forgot what they said I know that that momentary like hey I need to write something down it's going to be more respectful of them it's gonna make it so that I can hold the information in my head that they're that they're giving me one of the one of the unfortunate effects of me having an impaired working memory and not knowing it is I have a lot of anxiety now about doing things that are going to rely on working memory like filling out forms like making phone calls sometimes and remembering the information and part of that is because it's boring right but a lot of it is just I have so much anxiety about failing at it because there's just been so many times where somebody asks me you know I finally get through and they ask me you know hey like how can I help you and I don't remember or I don't remember my account number I don't know where I put it you know there's so many times it's gone poorly that at this point I almost need somebody with me getting support for my working memory so I can do this task in a way that doesn't rely on it um because if somebody reads it to me then they can read it and I can type it I don't have to look grab some of the information remember it hold it in my head put it in if it doesn't rely so much on my working memory I have a much easier time doing it tasks that are heavy on working memory are the tasks I have a hard time doing but now I have all these tools I have this knowledge I have these tools and that has been incredibly helpful the the places where I still struggle are the places where I didn't have these tools for so long and I had to do these things in this way that didn't work for me for so long that I do have this wall of waffle built up where I don't want to face these tasks and I'm trying to I'm trying to let myself know and reassure myself like I have different tools now like I can be successful at these things now but it's still taking me some time to feel successful at things that for so long I wasn't successful at so I'm trying to be patient with myself but start to like let myself know like some of this stuff that I couldn't be successful at that in the past like I do have tools that can help me now but it takes time it takes time to undo that damage and to to my image and understanding of myself it takes time to feel confident doing things that for so long were such a struggle for me and while I am starting to get to the point where I'm letting myself have things that you know that I would be upset if I lose the truth is I'm still gonna lose stuff so it's not a perfect thing it's not like Yeah The Journey is over and yay happy the end I don't struggle but I'm working on that in the meantime I'm a lot more effective if I'm able to do a lot of things that I had a really hard time doing before because now I know what to do I'll talk more about memory and other memory issues that those with ADHD face in the book but for now I will leave you uh with that because I don't remember what else I wanted to say so I might have trouble remembering stuff but I really do like learning new things I just can't remember what I learned so it's really nice when I can go back and review what I forget it's literally why I started this channel so I could go back and review things I already forgot one dream is great for that if you haven't heard of one dream it's designed for Curious brains I love it because these are actual courses you can watch on your laptop phone tablet even listen to them like a podcast which means it's convenient to learn from anywhere including the vacation rental where I'm finishing up my book look it's the ocean and they're constantly adding new courses one dream is where you can find the answer to pretty much anything you've ever wondered about like epigenetics someone explained to me once that your jeans are actually like this giant library with tons of books but only some of the books get read and those are the genes that get expressed so for instance you might be genetically predisposed to anxiety but whether or not you have it depends on whether or not those genes get switched on which depends on our experiences our environment what blew my mind watching the course though was how much influence we have over our epigenetics some stuff gets expressed or switched on early and stays with you throughout your lifetime it's not like you can eat a cheeseburger and not have ADHD but according to the professor some change can happen that quickly what you eat is literally modifying your DNA just one meal and your epigenome has already been altered it made me think about what I was gonna have for lunch today should have blueberries [Music] one dream is offering a free trial right now and the regular supporters of this show so by supporting them you're also supporting us if you'd like to try it out go to onedrium.com how to ADHD or click on the link in the description below to start your free trial today oh wait right thank you to my brain Advocates and all my patreon brains for being so forgiving when I forget to do this or forget what the name of the thing is called this is a serious issue you guys this is a lot we're gonna leave it at that like subscribe click all the things and I will see you next video bye brains [Music] foreign [Music]

Channel: How to ADHD

Views: 385,109

Keywords: add, adhd, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, jessica mccabe, how to, attention deficit disorder, mental health, neurodiversity, adult adhd, how to adhd, mental health awareness, struggle, forgetful, forgetting, remember, Why People With ADHD Struggle to remember Things, remember things, forgetfulness, what causes forgetfulness, memory, brain

Id: b-zfad1jOuw

Length: 11min 31sec (691 seconds)

Published: Tue Mar 28 2023