The following morning, we were told to report
to our test track for the next challenge. Oddly, though, the man in the white coat
was nowhere to be seen. What was the actual colour of your car? -Red. It actually was...
-No, no, no. Amber gold. Amber gold. Can you remember
the exact colour of yours? Sunrise yellow. Lads! Hey, that's... This man's destroying your Volvo.
Are you gonna sort him out? The psychopath with the forklift
then did the same to my Golf and Hammond's Hyundai. Mind the body kit! This does feel like a terrible... Well, hopefully, this...
This had better be good. "As you are 17, it is certain
that at some point in the near future, you will roll your car. So, you must now mend it in such a way that your parents won't be able
to spot the damage. This is to find out... This is to find out
how easy they are to repair." So, right, we'd better get these... -Well, let's get them indoors...
-Yeah. ...and break out the hammers. Richard, however, decided
he didn't need a hammer. And straightaway, I've improved it. God, a horse of a... Ah! Ah! Argh! You don't need hammers and shouting. See this bit here, small scuff, watch that disappear,
thanks to the magic of polish. With the roof done,
I now have to sort the bonnet. Here's a tip. Should you ever roll
your coupe, stylish. And need to straighten a dent,
here's what you do. That's not... Yeah. Jeremy, meanwhile, was cheating. One thing I've learned
is that all firemen have at some point crashed their cars
when they were teenagers. So, I've borrowed a fireman. Did you ever crash a car? -I certainly did.
-When you were 17? RS Turbo, Greenham Common,
straight through the fence. That's the... So you understand
the plight of the 17-year-old who has stuffed his mom's car? Feeling your pain. So, do you think you could use some
fireman equipment to make that like new? That's not what they're for. There were no fires in Surrey.
It's too middle class. Spray it the same colour as the car. After just two hours of hard work... It's very important to turn the cloth
frequently. ...we had made no difference whatsoever. Yeah, that's plastic. I had to do plastic as well because the fireman's lift has rather
changed the shape of the windscreen hole. -Is it...
-Then another challenge arrived. Let's have a look. Okay. "You will now race against the clock
to see which car is the fastest. "You have to go down the main straight, round the Hammerhead, do a handbrake turn
and come back the other way." That doesn't sound very hard. Oh, hang on. No, it says, "The track
has been littered with obstacles and you'll have five seconds added to
your time for every object you don't hit." -Don't hit?
-Well, that's what it says. It was right. The track was littered
with all the flotsam that teenagers like to crash into. And then, at the finish line,
there was a gap between two parked cars that everyone, except a 17-year-old,
can see isn't wide enough. We also discovered
that our handbrake turns would be judged by three teenage girls. That actually makes sense because as men, we know that nothing turns
a 17-year-old girl on more than a well-executed handbrake turn. Oh, God, yeah, fact. It's like, you know,
a peacock has its plumage. Those birds in the jungle,
they attract a mate with dancing about. -We have the handbrake. It's...
-What it's for. -I have no tail feathers.
-But I can do this! Interestingly, girls will always say,
"No, we're not interested." Oh, they never show it. They never have ever shown it. -They're suppressing it very well
-Yeah, right. Very effectively. Armed with this new information
about women, James decided to get some practise... ...while we talked to the girls. I've got a motorbike. -That's nice.
-Yeah. Have you seen him? He's rubbish.
I'm much better. I did one yesterday at Glastonbury
and it was brilliant. And... -That's him being rubbish.
-That's him... -I did a huge one.
-He just can't do it. He can't do it. And he's got no penis
'cause it came off once. With James cleared off the track,
I lined up for the off. Oh, that was a blinding start! What do you reckon his approach
is gonna be? -Fast.
-Violent. Oh, gotta hit this. Missed! -Oh, that's the bus shelter.
-Oh, the bus shelter's good. This is like any 17-year-old
coming home from work. He's got to the flower stall. Oh, my God, that's substantial! Yee-ha! That was strangely satisfying. Roadworks. That's good. Wheelie bins. Fantastic! Sadly, the handbrake turn was a disaster. There's nothing I can do
about the washer bottle. That is a consequence of the accident. Oh, that was still there! Holy cow! Through we go! Yes! James was next. Go! Yes, yes, do it. Oh, for God's sake. No. He's missed the car. Oh, neat! Down the back straight, it was hard to see
why he'd bothered with a helmet. Oh, well, Mom, I've just been
to the Post Office. I've got a new stamper. But then as he approached the girls,
all became clear. They're hot for James May right now! I might as well have cut my penis off
for all the good that did. Oh, yes. Good idea! Quick, quick, quick! I know what you're thinking.
I want to do it too. There you go. Perfect. Yeah! That's not gone quite as well. So now, it was all down to me. So they've both missed the car,
the first obstacle. I won't. Go! Yeah, you see? Oh, yeah. Thirty-five seconds before he moved
more than a yard. Right, it's round the Hammerhead
in the normal manner. Oh, what a pillock. You all right? -Dead.
-Really? Yeah. Yeah. Anyway... -Back to the studio.
-That's my line!
"And he's got no penis, because it came off once."
They're hot for James May right now
Great stuff, but they didn't show the best part... Attempting to sneak into the house at night without waking the parents.
I kept waiting for James to come up to the girls and say Hello, but it never happened. Was that not from this episode?
"I don't know what you're doing but I want to do it too!" - males EVERYWHERE when it comes to pranking.
What season is this?
I enjoy when they're trying to get up the small grassy hill myself . For some reason I always lmao at Clarkson yelling at his volvo spinning around .
this was the first episode i ever saw of top gear and MAN was i impressed, the funniest shit on tv for sure
There's nothing in the world more unimpressed than an unimpressed teenage girl.