Taskmaster - Series 7, Episode 9 | 'The pendulum draws the eye.'

[Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] um [Applause] [Music] ah hello i'm still greg davis and this is still taskmaster hope you're still watching there are just two episodes left for one member of this almighty cast to prove themselves worthy of guiltily fondling my gilded face these prospective champions have names and i'm about to shout them so please welcome james a caster jessica it's my quasi-quartermaster little alexander you know i like you a lot yeah so i've spent all my money on a present for you would you like your gift yes please i've got you a horse-drawn carriage the trump the trouble is horses can't draw can you guess it i do you get it i do get it i think i should properly display this um perhaps youtube jumping would hold it up for me um would you guys come up a horse-drawn carriage funny isn't it did you really move on to the prize task oh i was going to say that jinx um today right now the prize category is the most surprisingly beautiful thing oh like our friendship for example whoever thinks about example whoever this thing is decided to be the most surprisingly beautiful by you my friend will get five points at the end of the show someone will get to go home with five surprisingly beautiful things okay good rod my surprisingly beautiful thing the back story is in 1992 i went traveling all around the world greg and i saw all the sight i saw the taj mahal i saw the blue mountains of australia the the gold coast greg and then i came home and we were driving back to west wales and we passed the industrial landscape of port albert and it had an ethereal beauty at night that was unsurpassed on my entire trip there better be elephant signs of this story so look at the picture here we go [Applause] um i saw the brief on the most surprisingly beautiful thing and so i got this jack in the box i'm actually going to show you a little video this time greg it's the late grace kelly of monaco universally considered one of the most beautiful women uh in history but she's come out of a jack-in-the-box i mean i actually think technically it's quite good and yet and yet i've feel empty inside yeah jessica what is your feeling on sand i despise it i go on exclusively pebble or shale beaches as we've seen in the picture so it may surprise you to learn when you take a closer look under a microscope it is surprisingly beautiful is all sand that if you put it under a microscope or will some sand just be irritating bits it'll all look like that yeah okay uh james for my birthday one year my friend sam drew a picture of me and it was so surprisingly beautiful that i framed it and i put it up in my own bedroom there are some things that are off-putting off the top of my head i've got witch's tits and two dicks now the whole thing shouldn't work and yet it works yeah it's funny how a work of art can make you realize things about the actual person you hadn't realized before and you do indeed have the face of an old lady yeah carrie my thing is art made from a placenta it's like a tree it's sort of about life and who could have seen that it came out of a bunch of flesh and veins what a surprise well i am surprised by the fact that the reality of a picture of a placenta is actually worse than what i had in my mind why is in my mind was already disgusting ready to judge him oh crap yeah well he can have one point for a starter come on oh you've had your money's worth out of that picture you prick i i felt like all stuff coming into my mouth during yours carrie you can have two points okay uh james you know i mean it's not beautiful but i'm vaguely intrigued by the whole two-dick thing you can have three points wait so phil's got a chance of winning i think he's got me on a technicality it has all the elements of a surprisingly beautiful thing i think it's rubbish and i think it's a hollow victory but you just bought a pile of sand in and then tried some sort of microscope [ __ ] on us so against all odds five points to phil wang let's get going yes okay then and as a little tribute to your number one hobby this task involves counting money ready hi phil hmm swear box back the [ __ ] off for a start that's a red rag to a bull that is to me that i swear box pissing a little slotty red [ __ ] put the most money in the small bowl you may not touch the small bowl the small ball must not sink also you must say your own name at least once every 30 seconds a pleasure you have five minutes the money in the small bowl with the highest total numerical value wins your time starts now pretty straightforward then alex coins into the bowl they must have touched a little bowl they mustn't touch the little bar not touch a little ball that's not the little bowl the little bowl must not sink oh it's the highest numerical value okay so a 50 pence piece is worth 50 a one pound coin is worth one yes all right got it we're going to start with either end of the panel sweary rod and weary james here we go god how did you get into a [ __ ] air box 25 so 50 is worth 50 and then one pound is worth uh one okay they're all foreign coins i get you yeah 10 10 uh 50 right okay 525 uh rod rod gilbert james a caster uh 2020 is there anything bigger than 20s what have we got there 100. 100 escudos james rod gilbert a hundred 50. that's gonna go under if i put another one in uh 20. oh i can't ah don't you dare am i allowed to touch it no this is a small small book hang on a minute if i could touch the big ball [Music] no ah how long have i got oh [ __ ] you now i mean it sums up how i did on the task doesn't it a dead face in a bowl [Music] [Applause] [Music] god i almost went wrong in so many different ways though two words breakdown every episode yeah um when you're scooping things out or something delicate something delicate oh yeah i've got a delicate situation here involving a little bowl within water what do you reach for the skull has holes in it for the eyes and jawbone i thought that'll drain it as it's coming out however i neglected to notice that the skull was slightly bigger than the bowl you want to move on yeah i do because somebody must have done that better now for those people who want to see phil and jess together is jess and phil here we go ready yes ah 50. 100 colognes phil wayne throwing in the coins is there a penalty for saying my name too many times oh no oh phil really feel anyway phil go away phillip white [Music] oh 100 20. [Music] oh man 10 10 10. well it's not the time [Music] [Applause] [Music] i have been genuinely traumatized by the sight of phil's genitals in that costume and i thought i'd sort of got used to them until i saw them magnified through a goldfish box surprisingly beautiful i thought what intrigued me is both of you seemed genuinely shocked when the when the bowl didn't sing i'm an optimist i don't know what to say i it looked well designed to withstand the load um but i gave it i gave it too much load i phil is a trained engineer that's why he's using all this technical terminology okay now stop just stop breathe take a break and come back when you've all calmed down go [Applause] [Music] hello it's taskbuster and it's the start of part two so you know what that means it means that alex gets to make his special noise [Laughter] what was happening before the break well it was a money bowl task you know the one there's a little bowl floating in a fish bowl they're trying to put as much money in the little bowl as possible without it sinking oh and so far everyone has failed but there's one person left one ray of hope one kerry goddleman 10 20 kerry godleman 30 40 50 60 kerry godlyman 110 100. 210. kerry godwin i'm going to go for loads of these little friends kerry godnaman terry godlyman famous mr bowler is it worth getting i think it is and it's worth getting it's a really light one and it's suits okay i'm stopping kerrygoddlemen well we're gonna have to wait two and a half minutes see if that sinks oh really it's not gonna sink staring at it's not changing anything putting more money in oh no because then it will sink right that's five it left here we got them carrie gordon five seconds four carry tottenham two harry potter one one okay okay it's the carry god woman system it's the most obvious route it's direct yes and it gets the job done absolutely bosch in many ways you are the grand master of this show well that's praise indeed yeah because you don't think i don't think that's not a fluke that's brains mate yeah your system works and i'm complimenting you thank you do you have compliments for the rest of us not for you skull boy do you want to score it five points for the bosch queen kelly godleman okay five to kerry anyone else zero oh gary goldman wins a task [Applause] let's have some more tasks okay then uh here's a confusing one for you that will mean different things to different people hello hello face oh a fez in the most unusual situation wearing this fez you have eight weeks your time starts now i didn't know that they were soft i thought they were hard like a flower pot yeah i did think they were like a flower pot and i take the face i need the face that's your fez now yes key isn't it the fez see you soon goodbye kerry bye bye alex oh hello phil oh james hula hula you have one minute your time starts now yes we've divided them up we've got the children and the grown-ups should we start with jess's fez adventure yeah yes i'm wearing a fez in the cockpit of an airplane with a pilot genuinely who when i asked to go into the cockpit and he went password my name is fett and it's completely true you can see his name badge aka fez well it's i think it's not a bad attempt to have a picture with you and andy farrington i invited fuzz down no one has called that man fez in his life fed yeah thank you would you like to see kerry's fez picture yes i want to see kerry's fez picture i went back in time i did i found a portal and i went back to oldie worldy times chewedery times wow wow that's me in the past i'm not a historian carrie does childery times cover a very specific period i wasn't asked about that i was just asked to have my picture taken in a pheasant in an unusual situation so i fulfilled my brief gosh yeah i think you'll agree this is an unusual situation [Applause] [Music] i haven't looked round yet but if this is the first superimposed on top of a picture of me looking fat oh jesus christ you treacherous old woman who is who is that greg as you well know it's my mother and she's here tonight she is oh it's an unusual task the maximum point is three i mean the truth is we've got to stick to the rules yep rod's not wearing the fez are you going to give him any points um well i'll give him one point because i love my mum i would give kerry more but i i something tells me she hasn't been back in time there's inaccuracy in that picture that says that she actually went to a company who do pictures for people on bad stag dues okay i'll give her two points to carry and i'm going to give uh jess uh three points purely because fez is a legend are you ready for the hula hoopers how am i so they were told to hula for one minute this is what they did i've never been able to hulu oh that's all right that's okay ow huds hats oh i've never done this before [Applause] thank you improve your hooling greatest improvement wins you have until the studio shows your time starts now i don't know if anyone else found that as traumatic as i i could not take my eyes off you didn't have a choice it doesn't matter sometimes how ornate the grandfather clock is the pendulum draws the eyes are we basically saying that james has got to do more than six seconds to win this does well it depends how many more seconds and 57 wang does it's who improves who improves the most let's see how they do right now you have one attempt at this when i blow my whistle please start hoolering greatest improvement wins hula i've been practicing so much got nervous i'm not nervous i'm really good now i've gotten really good i mean it isn't it is impressive isn't it it's such a shame we've got to take his first attempt [Applause] so from the start of the spinning yep phil one and a half seconds james laycaster yep five seconds and it's it's greatest improvement uh maximum of three points again it's completely up to you greg oh god i don't think phil wang has practiced hula hooping once but i'm going to give him one point regardless i am going to deem it that james a custer has made the most improvement but i can't give him full marks so i'm going to give him two marks there that's alex always one two three [Music] [Applause] [Music] break hello welcome back to taskmaster foreign would like another task and i for one would like to give you one [Music] hello rod got a wash these are all greg socks find the sock with a satsuma inside you may not look inside any of your socks you may squeeze five socks stroke 10 socks and sniff 20 socks my rules every day anyway so many things you may put your hand inside three socks you may put 11 socks on your feet fastest wins your time starts now um i'm a little bit irritated someone appears to have uh graffitied on the sides of my character that was awkward so i obviously put the satsuma in the eighth one along and the big eight there was to remind me that's the one it was but i left it up but [Applause] if any of them had looked back at any point that would have been so annoying he's angry about the whole ring you're still you're not angry about that are you i know i can't down about that and then just pointed that out i now remember that i hate this show the first that sumo hunters we're going to see are rod james and sorry aren't rod james and kerry here's jess and phil it doesn't say you can't look in it are you sure what's the first line you may not look inside any of the socks you have no more strikes no more strikes oh i think this one's been worn they've all been worn oh have they that's great socks oh yes yes not satsuma could be still no i can put them on my feet now guys what is it that's a bloody egg because oh yeah my foot's become so cold i can't actually feel it ah [Music] that's a satsuma [Music] finger i think this is so soon what have you found a lime oh god i'm lucky phil has anyone in cinema history being so passionate about tossing a lime into the [Applause] air i got citrus just as close as i got you largely were listening for the fruit well you did use your foot in the end because you said the foot is just the hand of the leg uh 21 minutes and 10 seconds to find a lime a what a lime i mean there's only was there only one egg in the socks oh yes there was one egg in 50 socks she found that with a foot yes you sniffed it out with your leg hand though did you yeah it was quite difficult to find uh that it was a satsuma with you like with your leg hand because i i've never rolled a satsuma onto my leg hand before i feel like i've been popping pills have you ever rolled a satsuma onto your leg hand before she took 16 minutes and 56 seconds but succeeded so she is currently in the lead okay good next up it's james and kerry how many socks are there it's a great question there's a lot on there oh god it's not this one how do you know that does not look like a satsuma to me okay get in the bath that is a tennis ball not that one that's a tennis ball oh that's a god damn snooker ball that wasn't a set sooner that wasn't a sad superman that could have been his tattoo this is a tennis ball this is the tennis ball this is a tennis spot you've got 19 sniffs left never thought anyone would say that to me in my whole life not that one this this is demeaning that's not sad sooner i swear to god this isn't one suck it i think it's a satsuma well i gary nice to add to your vast collection of catchphrases during that task this is demeaning really catch on get in the bath suck it is one we've seen before yeah i always enjoy it also with the satsuma double works on two levels james seemed fairly impressive to me he took the same amount of time it takes me to wake you up in the morning with my little kisses nine minutes and 34 seconds um carrie i think i've been a bit mean about your approach to tasks i thought that seemed very sophisticated and then when you'd ruled out certain things got the old tennis racket bosh which is brilliant because they hurt their hands i didn't well i mean i would say also both of them used their eyes which is more than fielded they were quite a hint they looked at the socks interesting why not listen for the fruit the eyes of the side of the head you know how kerry did 8 minutes yeah so currently in the lead one left to see it's always scary when you leave rod till last yeah he does crazy [ __ ] yeah ready for rods yes please here we go [Music] [Music] somebody's done a job on this oh this isn't as easy as i thought [Music] this scissors [Music] i was going for a scissors but as luck would have it i found a tangerine in the kitchen [Music] you think this is the sock with the satsuma in yeah yeah i'm pretty sure i just put a satchel in it can i check see if you there absolutely go yeah i didn't say uh exclusively with a saturn in it okay thank you thank well rod just establish the time that he found a satsuma sock two minutes 31. did he find a satsuma in a sock i would say you didn't find it yeah you've got to lose something well if you're putting on the side then you you can't put it in yourself come on a problem you've got to admit that was clever funny who you are who you're prepared to bend for isn't it you [ __ ] no don't i can't believe this [ __ ] oh well whatever it's my friend [Applause] never been accused of bias before and you've got two points for that hula hoop [ __ ] oh oh it felt so good please give me another two points for the hula hoop give me eight weeks of my life back how's that james do you remember how i backed you on the hula hoop thing i i i was this has taken a very nasty turn so what i'm going to say here is that no one's won that no one because of all this because of all this [ __ ] two joint seconds rod and kerry and joint second with four points indeed then we go to james with three points yep and jess with two and phil with uh okay there we go score update please okay very quickly phil in the series has 115 he's still last weirdly uh james 140 rod 150 kerry153 jess still just in the lead with one five five it's still tight this episode is not quite so tight fill and rod a joint last with six but out in the lead it's kerry with 13. yay church we're squeezing some more excitement alex okay but sadly it's the final team task of the series [Music] welcome thanks thanks looking forward to another task well i think i could speak for all of us yeah we are oh god what's happening now should i get that oh then i can someone i can't condone that that could have hurt somebody achieve a rally of exactly 24 shots you must each take the same amount of shots that's easy you must be stood at least six foot eight inches apart from one another oh god taskmaster is six foot eight presumably the object struck may neither touch the ground nor be held at any point during the rally just ten years we play tennis another rally i can't play tennis there is a bonus point for the team that uses the most ambitious equipment fastest wins your time starts now why would you rush to time starts now like i always delay it uh do you yeah i delight to give myself some thinking time i wish i'd known that only mild's irritation from james there and that some blood remained in his face carrie just said to me well at least we didn't have rod do some team tasks with him and then see how you feel okay you want to see the rally yeah let's just get amongst it i can't wait here are kerry and jess i think these trays are quite good trays are good we have to measure the six foot [ __ ] eight how tall are you five foot two so half of you is too me you lie down so we're having all of you in half of me here yeah here's half me one that's too heavy i feel like this is ambitious put it stupid it's not ambitious it's stupid one one two but the sun's in my eyes one two three [Music] this is worse than the ukuleles one oh we've really blown this one three four 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24. yeah leave it leave it we're going to lie down [Music] and this is the greatest opening to any sport one two [ __ ] so using balls and trays they did it in 12 minutes and 49 seconds well it's a starting point right it's the final break of the show before the final part of the show i want you to stay exactly where you are thank you [Music] oh hello welcome back to the last part of taskmaster not long to go until somebody legs at home with the placenta but first alex hello greg how are you a rally that's what they were trying to achieve a rally with exactly 24 shots with a bonus point for the most ambitious equipment used here are the men having a go is that correct no that's not he's taller than that if we put a hat on him he's probably about right i reckon that's the man yeah how tall are you six one right you lie on it then why but why is that still there put you put your feet where his arm why am i lying down with the hat hang on it's those fastest wins and right now i'm lying down with a top hat yeah kick it over the shed start with one of us blindfolded and then go from there one oh phil honestly you've gone too ambitious i thought you wanted to go you've been too ambitious we can just use the shed it doesn't actually go anywhere near the ground okay right this is the one one two three four five six seven eight nine ten eleven twelve come on thirteen [Music] fourteen fifteen sixteen seventeen james is gonna get one less eighteen nineteen twenty three one three two twenty three get back to me [Applause] it's interesting you spent so long trying to work out what six foot eight was i wonder if that uh paid off in the long run did it well the shed was six foot six wide they also had to strike it exactly the same number of times during the bit we just saw you counted to 24 but you got to 27 in total during the first 24 you hit it seven times phil eight james nine also you were seven minutes slower another agonizing decision for me jess and kerry pretty excellent so five points each okay well done but i think the bag of monkeys that is the boys team they did attempt something a bit more ambitious so i'm going to give them a point each there okay let it be done five to the girls one to the boys will stay where the heck you are for the final task of the show [Music] something's appeared what is going on here alex well it's the studio task uh jess is going to read it out write your name and draw a picture of a happy horse on your overhead projector acetate upside down you must not rotate or manipulate your acetate you have 100 seconds most accurate picture in writing when your acetate is overhead projected wins wow it's a happy horse and your name you could do it upside down though but when we project it we want to be projected the right way up as accurately as possible and please i would ask the audience cheers if you're watching football because that that will amuse me while they do this let's do this is [Applause] feel the rush now it's been a long time since i saw someone trying to copy someone else's work i thought is this a trick because when you put them on there does it flick them upside down so if we hold them upside down then they do that you know i'll talk you through that then so remember i'm putting it on upside down so hopefully they've done it upside down yep and it will look the right way up correct here we go okay this is rod how accurate so rod gilbert is a is a huge success i want to question whether that is a horse and whether that horse is happy teeth nose eyes eyelashes ears legs out to the side big tongue like a note oh it's a happy horse tick who knows oh that's chinese for wang it's easier to draw upside down your horse is uh demonstrating his happiness with a big smile that's nice kerry you're right that's my name in gobbledygook i'm amazed i'm saying this that's probably the best horse so far thank you i presume it's a very thin horse all of its legs one behind the other okay here we go jessica it's a fine line between happy and deranged i know i mean he's so happy she's so happy that she's dislocated her lower jaw okay last one ready for james a casters he's been practicing that for eight weeks i mean fair play to the boy can't fault it both names and that man that's a happy horse alex take your seat i'll make a quick decision okay i thought that he did the name very well but it was by far the worst horse in that it wasn't a horse it was a horse's face how do you know it's you i'm giving rod two points two points to roadkill yes indeed kerry's horse was an improvement on actual horses why would they want to have two of their legs side by side stick them all in a big row i'd like to see that racing she got her name entirely incorrectly but i'm going to give her three points okay three points to kerry jessica and phil i'm grouping you together i got my name right but my horse was really happy giving you uh four points james he got both of his names correct yes and it was the happiest and the best horse [Applause] let's have a sting to get rid of the props and then we'll find out the final scores [Music] how was that alex you're very artistic and very satisfying wasn't it thanks for those scores there are now just three points in it at the top of the series scoreboard and in this episode there's just 12 points between this episode is not close rod is at the bottom with nine but at the top with 21 points it's kerry goldberg please don't rejoice in your surprisingly beautiful women so what have we learned today we've learned if you're struggling to achieve something in life maybe it's time to think outside the box use your foot the hand of the leg or use your ear the eye of the head and if all fails use a lime and of course we've learned that curry goblin won the show thank you for watching good night and see you next time for the grand final [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] for more task master subscribe now you

Channel: Taskmaster

Views: 2,559,921

Keywords: Taskmaster, Alex Horne, Greg Davies, Frank Skinner, Josh Widdicombe, Romesh Ranganathan, The Horne Section, Tim Key, Dave Channel, UKTV, Red Dwarf, Would I Lie To You, 8 out of 10 cats, Taskmaster full episodes, james acaster, jessica knappett, kerry godliman, phil wang, rhod gilbert, greg davies mum

Id: dzgWSEj8h58

Length: 44min 15sec (2655 seconds)

Published: Thu Sep 24 2020