Taskmaster - Series 9, Episode 1 | Full Episode | "Join Our Cult"

[Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] hold it [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] what hello yes welcome here we go again i'm greg davis and this is the ninth series quivering away on their schools are five new rivals each one desperate to begin their quest to find some purpose in life purpose that can only be attained by taking home this my 24 carat cop so let's meet them and then let's judge them our phenomenal competitors are david madio ed gumble but now he's back of course he's back what else would he be doing he's had literally no other a little offers hall i'm trying to um develop a new sort of persona oh really yeah toughened up okay cause a lot of people think i'm a goody two shoes not anymore i'm a uh well a good a goody three shoes i want people to think i'm gonna give you three shoes yeah or i've got uh we've got another could be four it's a maximum of six i mean i've got two more in the drawer yeah we'll go through those yeah just two little ones here potentially a goody six shoes okay good time for our first prize task then alex yes of course and to really relax the new bunch into the competition we've asked them to bring in the most stressful thing oh stressful the person that's brought in the most stressful thing according to you the task master will get five points and at the end of the episode the winner will take home all five stressful prizes and probably have mixed feelings about the whole affair okay hello to you david padille hello there greg davis what stressful thing have you brought in please uh this it's an empty toilet roll and it's only stressful in very particular situations it's stressful when you've had a big [ __ ] i agree it's very stressful and i empathize when i go home to see my mum she uses the downstairs toilet in her home and then when i go back i use the upstairs toilet which she does not properly stock by anyone so i'm faced with a dilemma every time i have evacuated my fulsome bowel yeah wise i imagine your evacuations are huge oh my god it's it's like a shire horses trotted through the village good i think that's a really stressful opener well done that's all right a gumbo hello greg there it is hello what did you bring in uh i've brought a compilation of stressful sounds baby crying uh nails going down chalkboard uh an announcement saying that your plane or train has been cancelled let's have a listen [Music] okay what's up this that's your train leaving as you arrive i've also got a chair breaking on there like when you sit on a chair and it breaks under you wow you know that one yeah i am fat joe brand hello greg what's your stressful thing it is the um the musical score for barks to carter in d minor god that stresses me out all the time do you know how it goes no it goes [Music] but why does well it stressed me out because i had to perform it um at the royal albert hall in front of 8 000 people just like you did then if there was an organ here would you be able to play it do you want me to play that yeah oh well i can't play that but i love okay is that technically an organ yeah it's an organ sound thank you [Music] hi greg big fan what's your stressful thing um i this is something i've made so i'd like that to be taken into consideration i drink a lot of tea so this is personally what i find very stressful but i think anyone would [Music] [Applause] you have placed the lid shut as well which is yeah it's actually because it would be stressful getting tea into the spout to start with yeah were you trying to make an ordinary teapot that would be insane wouldn't it i think it's a really stressful looking objective and i really like it thank you and i'm also impressed by your craft skills oh thanks i am too thankful ah i thought what's more stressful than an unspooled cassette tape there it is here it is um look at that and the craziest most stressful thing is that on that tape i recorded who uh actually assassinated jfk you recorded it but then you just forgot i forgot yeah it wouldn't be stressful it was like say peter andre album was it you know you could you could it depends on whether it's on the table i think you might now have to say legally that he didn't yeah i don't think i don't think a court's going to take that case seriously don't you he won't say it andre i think the peter andre killed jfk sue me right are you ready yes there were two that i was least stressed by right ed gambles and rose matafeos okay three points i'm giving to joe brand and a one-man band okay three three points still not bad four points i'm giving two old poo rolls my actual nickname the thing i found most stressful is the idea of scolding my lovely arms with a badly designed teapot so i'm giving five points to kd wicks okay right let's start the show proper let's see what they've been up to what is the first task well uh just like your bedtime routine this one involves three aubergines [Music] aubergines should i sit down your sort of thing no i hate them actually hello rose oh this looks like a trap it's like a trap yeah oh hello all right yes you yes do i have to not touch them hide three aubergines in this room longest time for alex to find them wins so you have nine minutes after which alex will start searching for the three aubergines are you gonna close your eyes i'm off i'll see you in a nice mate get out quickly quickly [Applause] i would like to commend you ed for speaking to alex in the way that he should be spoken get out get out now i think we should see some stuff okay uh the first to tackle the task are two almighty household names it's joe wicks and katie brand right [Music] i really attempt to put all three do you think you'd there about that maybe i'll put them back in there i think i'd take the risk i'll be so gutted if it's the first thing he asks it's gonna be too obvious if i splat all of them so i'm gonna just splat that one maybe i'll do things to put him off the scent [Music] i'll leave that out as a red herring that'll do will it actually make him think i'm hiding something if i'm sitting here alex you'd like me yeah my time starts now i agree you're sitting right naturally yeah really naturally like this why is this fellow tape there it just is you want me to move no i think you're sitting on the aubergines do you it's just the way i just just the way you okay lovely can i look inside your helmet oh [Applause] [Music] you said that through gritted teeth right then where's the other one oh i've just found quite a few aubergines i walked past him at the very beginning you looked in that box no thank you you looked in that hole there yeah i was just looking in that hole there i'm enjoying this task i'm not can you stop the clock for me please yeah i got it it was just um how did you get out there um chair chair is it in this corner of the room i'm not supposed to say i don't think i'm trying to trick me well i'm going to stop the clock i just found the aubergine joe well doesn't it not nice thank you well you've chosen a very practical outfit for this series yeah i wanted to um be fun safe and visible well tactically it was an interesting choice to just stick to aubergines in a hat and then hold on i was trying to hold it very naturally but actually i ended up doing the opposite and that's what gave it away i think aubergine's in the helmet's quite common we've all done that oh god it's an absolute absolute classic you showed um contempt for the aubergine as a vegetable right no contempt for all vegetables i thought flattening the old aubergine was a master stroke though oh thank you craig did take me quite a while to find them how long did it take you uh seven minutes 38 to find all three of joe's aubergines that's the personal worst because five minutes 25 for katie comfortably under two minutes per aubergine right well that's longer than i thought given that she popped her in a helmet and held him up in front of you it was the third one well i never thought that she would use a chair at any point that was good welcome great start here we go then first outbreak of the series let's see what tat they're peddling this [Applause] [Music] [Applause] time welcome back to the first episode of series nine alex horn you bearded little pudding what was happening before the break hello there greg well it's the first task of the series and already the tables have turned they've been trying to hide three aubergines from me a bearded little pudding katie and joe did pretty well so let's see the next two it's ed and rose my first instinct is to eat a whole raw aubergine what to destroy one and leave little bits around the room no way i can do that mind games come in i'm starting the clock i'm starting my own clock now i feel like this is a decoy but i'm going to open it anyway you'll be mad not to oh no there's a bit of an overview just because i know you that's not an aubergine [Music] he's panicking aubergines okay behind behind things they might be behind might be behind things well this is frustrating it is isn't it i haven't found much aubergine yet oh an aubergine right did they we gave you three aubergines didn't we three aubergines and you're supposed to be finding them you've been going for 320 so far [Music] we're all our areas it's not in this area is it i don't know i feel like it's in this area now did you think this was going to be this hard [Music] i don't think it's in this area well you want to move out the area then well i do want to be about the area i'm going to do that that's the whole aubergine is that no have you stuffed it inefficiently [Music] that's an aubergine [Music] stop i think stop i think i found the third aubergine it's amazing how much it compacts down into a baby's head you enjoying your role i mean almost going for alex's job there oh i loved it i can't believe how stupid he was when he had to do a task obviously he was in that area for over five minutes i'd say but but constantly saying it's not in this area well i didn't think they were gonna be crammed into a baby's head this is this is my problem is that how you made the baby cry yes [Music] [Applause] my technique was i imagined that alex was a prison guard and he was coming to do a contraband search and we were in a world where aubergines were drugs the person that responded to prison etiquette the most was rose i thought because when alex asked if he could smell you you immediately like you've been there a hundred times before you were very good three minutes one second per aubergine so nine minutes three seconds how did old uh baby heads do 13 minutes 53 i spent looking for ed's aubergine finally finally he's justified and he's ancient it's david padille not sure this is a good idea okay this is what i'm gonna do i'm gonna eat as much as i can restaurant with my pants okay let's put these in there it's got some serotape [Music] b why does it smell so strong in here it's no need i thought it might camera collagen didn't do it very well why did it come off when i pointed it your magic why are you talking to me so weirdly can you open your mouth please you lift your tongue why are these open can you open them again and undo everything please where do you think the aubergine is i think the aubergine's in your pants i still think there's some in your mouth well there might be a few bits in my mouth but that isn't where most of it's in there yes how much of it whatever this isn't you've eaten half an aubergine more than half i'd say [Applause] [Music] [Applause] i think you're all expecting you should just gobble your way through all three machines yeah then half an hour machine and you went out [ __ ] this i gotta go yeah someone did say to me they're poisonous you know and that didn't stop me that's how committed i am look what you could win there might be some kind of drug or something in them because i thought i'll put one on that portrait with some facility which i thought was actually a master stroke if it wasn't for alex's magic powers do you want to see my magic finger again in action it was i felt so powerful when this happened i've not pointed at anything since just in case what time did the naughty boy do i found him in two minutes total uh so he is in last place and the winner of the task was ed campbell [Music] lovely is it lovely scoreboard time it's the first scoreboard of the series we've got katy wick's in first place [Applause] slap me up with another one little alex horn okay and i think you'll lick this one a lot [Music] okay in a second we're going to go over a curb still quite uneven field terrain here okay oh yeah i know fields so we're going to take a step up let's see if i've hit that's lovely right if you could just open the task well take my things off first no thank you how am i supposed to read this alex would you like me to read it too i think that would be i was literally here's what i was doing checking for braille then remember that i don't read braille arrange the lollies oh christ in rainbow order on the board in front of you arrange the lollies in rainbow order that's what i said they're not women called lollies i haven't finished yet i'm sorry you may only take off your goggles if you find the dodo you may only accuse one thing of being a dodo i can only accuse one thing of being a dodo yeah standard rules most accurate rainbow order wins you have seven minutes your time starts now right i was young my mother used to call my penis a dodo because it's extinct [Applause] does she really call it a dog yes yes almost everything i say is just true and she it is i have a problem with that okay anyone else have um pet names within their family for their journalists my dad called my penis a dojo as well michael or penises dodos because they're rarely seen i've seen loads do you mean generally yeah in your life yeah right yeah it was a while before i saw one what did you call it when you saw it a blessing we're halfway through this first episode but it's still unclear who back david badil's lure role [Applause] [Music] oh hello thank you thanks for tuning in again it's taskmaster it's a new series and i for one am very pleased to be back and i four one am too before the break the task involved are competitors blindfolded and licking lollies to work out their colors before trying to place them in rainbow order you find the dodo you can take your goggles off here they are grouped together again it's katie and joe first of all [Music] what's wrong i'm not doing that again taste of onion what color do you think that is oh orange there's no orange in the rainbow oh yeah there is that doesn't feel like a dodo to me it feels like a foot a dodo foot oh possibly oh [ __ ] it i'm going to accuse this of being a dozer because i can't be asked to go any further unfortunately it's not a dojo that's also an option for a dodo it feels more like a seal a seal not the singer that is uh orange now remember you can only accuse one thing of being a dodo yeah tell me about it i'm going to say this is the dodo can you accuse it formerly being a dodo please jacuzz no it's not and that's it is it yep that is taupe taupe yeah what are the colors of the rainbow [Music] is that it feels kind of blue it's a nice hole that feels kind of yellow thank you joe thank you katie i feel like my tongue was crying there is actually a proper mnemonic isn't there richard of york gave battle in vagina that's good so far katie is in the last place joe is in first place so far oh well that's good isn't it now it's rose and david's turn to have a good old lick isn't this a dough though are you accusing of being a dodo all of this possibly hang on a sec are we just make absolutely certain that there's nothing else that could possibly be a dodo this feels like it might be shaped like a bird is that a dodo no oh bollocks this is green why is it green [Music] [ __ ] that that's lavender that's violet yellow why it's a banana it's a black currant flavored lolly so it is purple oh god that tastes hot can i ask you why you're sniffing the ice lollies you get the flavour and therefore the color is that how you get the flavor of it i can taste them what the [ __ ] is that this is a hot one so roy biv roy g bev red red hot uh the red on the right if you think that's right i don't know what color a chili iceland is i'm assuming red so that goes here clemenda rojib violet smells a bit like it might be blue [ __ ] off they all taste of [ __ ] and this is the closest you've come so far to a kind of kgb torture thing alex yes [Music] all right bubblegum what's it undergo i'm just gonna guess here that's your time up david that's your time up that's your time up thank you enjoy that [Music] [Applause] is that the new zealand equivalent of richard of york rocky biv roy g biv mr biv your man roy that's like absolute horseshit to me um interesting david taskmaster often confuses people a little but it doesn't normally make them forget how to use basic sensors yeah it took me a while to realize i could lick them but you know i didn't know what i was licking i thought i might be licking a dodo and for me that's a complicated thing rose did genuinely very well she uh well her rainbow was black orange yellow green red violet indigo so only three were actually right the violent indigo with the wrong way round but it's pretty impressive and david was rubbish yeah there was two right briefly but then one at the end of the task very good boy okay let's see another there's one lolly licker left is he the world's first diabetic dodo detective let's find out i need to find the dodo you don't have to hello is this a dodo or is this a flamingo hello i'm discounting that that can't be a dojo i'm going to accuse this of being a dodo you may remove your goggles yes uh oh it's richard of york dave buckland's name okay what red on the right red on the right it's almost as if you should uh let the paint fully dry before applying the goggles origin of york gay eve battle what's indigo and what's violet richard of york gave battle in vain why have i got an extra one i'm saying that's yellow and that's orange oh it's like i've never seen a rainbow richard of your red richard orange yellow indigo rylo finished yeah i'm finished that's your time up thank you in the end despite being able to see them he only actually put the red the green and the blue in the right place really well you thought yellow was orange and orange was yellow and you put black instead of indigo and indigo instead of violet well none of those colors were accurate if you took those the dulux they wouldn't say oh that's alright you saw the same as rose and she couldn't see so we got the exact point for katy wicks gets one uh joe brown and david bedell get three points in joint third and ed and rose share five points each so another one please yes and it's a chance for each contestant to really make their presence felt [Music] hi alex oh boy make the most dramatic entrance you have one hour your time starts now blimey great no problem drama what if i just didn't come back that'd be quite dramatic it wouldn't be an entrance at an entrance of swords to be an empty entrance wouldn't it be an exit yeah that's true i'm not very dramatic i just didn't come back let's see these people work on their dramatic entrance okay first up it's david badillo [Music] oh talk to you externally i enjoyed the sfx i enjoyed the beautiful playing of the original that was excellent but where you lost it for me was your performance as doctor who herself yeah seemed to like convention conviction i was trying to be not just doctor who i was trying to be the tardis the daleks the whole thing and that took it out of me on there all i saw in your eyes was oh no my kids are gonna see this okay next up it's a sort of joe brand here we go [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] now that's drama and i felt that you really inhabited the henry viii as well did you yeah was it amberlyn's head yeah that was the most dramatic entrance so far for me okay there's only been two yeah there's bad news for david but david's in second yes all last yeah yeah yeah next to enter is ed gamble [Applause] [Applause] hello alex now a lot of um people might be surprised by that but of course it's entirely in keeping with the sort of music you're into i love all the shouty dark music and you've got all the tattoos for the big wolf with the fire coming out of his mouth on your leg i do it's technically a hellhound thank you you lit up the little baby doll heads make them all spooky took a long time to get the aubergine out of them though lovely lovely work very dramatic okay time to wave bye bye to part three bye [Music] [Applause] [Music] thank you and welcome back to the fourth part of taskmaster yes and if anyone ever just wants to hang out with me or anything my number's 0-207-598-7323 before the break the contestants were making dramatic entrances we've had who henry and horror the three h's but now it's katie wicks and she's a nice lady from wales a you cold you cult do i have to dress like this it's heavy it's heavy no thank you just um it's a very dramatic idea i felt you had a touch of the dales you perhaps lost confidence in the concept i didn't lose confidence it was the character that lost confidence it was we were solemn because that's how you behaved in the cult it was like a really old-fashioned misogynist cult we had to beat the male why was it a new car instead of an alcohol oh that's a great question um because i'd never met them before that day we'd just formed as a group on that day who's next only one left and that is rose matafeo matafeo [Music] i genuinely didn't see it and i did find it genuinely quite scary simple effective effective elegant what did you show when you dropped to your knees stella stella stella like you know straight kind of dessert street car which is also a drama i have seen streetcar named desire but i um didn't remember the scene when the woman was dressed as a bush do you want to start at the bottom yes yes i do david badil only because he lacked conviction one point one point uh no i'll give him two let's not you know it was an incredible effort up to that point that's it okay one point in fourth place is um katie wicks i'm giving her three points though because i thought it was really good so you're changing the entire system [Applause] and then i'm giving four points making them joint second place oh so it's fine so katie was in third yeah in a way yeah okay so join second four points each two joe brandon ed gamble okay and i wasn't expecting the bush woman it scared the [ __ ] out rose matafeo shall we glance at the scores they're all on double figures except for david uh joined third and joined first we've got adam rose in joint first place there we go so can you please stand up and head to the stage for final task of the show who will read the task out today i would like rose matafeo to read the task out thank you draw the second longest snake your snake must be at least half an inch wide at all points your snake must be neatly curled up again after three minutes there is a bonus point for the best snake i'll just take this back alex will go through okay can we can we convert the inches into centimeters for the for the people from new zealand no most certainly not you've got to draw the second longest snake on your toilet paper in the world now no i should say i should have said draw the second longest snake out of your five seconds yeah you've got three minutes but at the end of the three minutes it must be all curled up again like the toilet paper okay and there's a bonus point for the best snake and it needs to be a half an inch wide okay so you're three minutes [Music] start that's half an inch isn't it sure oh hey i'm not sure that's half an inch so i'm going to draw a thicker snake okay oh he's a big boy he's not hiding it is he i mean this is this is so excruciating i feel like i should do a dance or something [Music] i'm starting your snake i'll finish my [ __ ] snake oh roll up your snakes up this snake roll up your snails four three [Music] okay rose please stand on the measuring spot and put your loo roll between your thumbs like this just the thumb so you're ready oh there's gonna be a whoa so far that is the longest and shortest snake katie would you go to the measuring spot i'd love to thank you [Music] that is now the second second longest snake joe if i'm going to the measuring spot yes please oh snake snake snake snake snake that's the longest snake yes no eyes and no end it's blind it's a blind snake okay ed would you go to the measuring spot i would love to go to the measuring spot you seem very confident ed mine is a one striped snake yeah he's a little vicar you ready i'm so ready [Music] alex it's the second longest snake only david the dales so david bedell wants his snake to get between ed's snake and joe's snake okay okay here we go go for it [Applause] [Applause] what a lovely five sweet points jesus with five points today the deal i've owned a point for the best snacks well i'll tell you how i'm going to judge this i'm a snake traditionalist and when i see a lovely snake i want to see it with a pink stroke red tongue flicking out smelling in the air that is rose mata fayose [Applause] uh would you like to know how that's affected the scores oh god yes okay well uh a tight first episode there's five points separating the five people and the winner with 17 points is wins the first episode of the series please go and get all flustered with your stressful things what have we learned today we've learned that natural scientists will be thrilled to discover that the dodo is actually alive and well it's smeared in aubergine and it lives in david madiel's pants and we learned that rose matafeo has won episode one what a lovely thing that is [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] so [Music] [Applause] [Music] for more task master subscribe now [Music] you

Channel: Taskmaster

Views: 1,763,422

Keywords: Taskmaster, Alex Horne, Greg Davies, Frank Skinner, Josh Widdicombe, Romesh Ranganathan, The Horne Section, Tim Key, Dave Channel, UKTV, Red Dwarf, Would I Lie To You, 8 out of 10 cats, Taskmaster full episodes, james acaster

Id: 2BNpnbiFlTk

Length: 44min 10sec (2650 seconds)

Published: Thu May 27 2021

Reddit Comments

[u/kjozot]

Having watched TM exclusively via YouTube, this is the one season I haven't seen yet. Love the group already. Especially digging Ed's entrance. Those in the know, know.

[u/deepfriedcertified]

It’s weird this is unavailable in the US when this is continuing their trend of making each series available. I wonder if it’s a rights issue or cause it’s so recent.

[u/Kizudemlian]

Finally, the collection is almost complete

[u/No_Business_in_Yoker]

Argh, blocked in the US. A VPN is looking more tempting every day...

[u/orionsbelt05]

Aw man, they finally start uploading series 9 and it's not available in the US?

[u/nunchucknina]

I need to let the people who run the taskmaster YouTube how grateful I am that they exist.

[u/ADozenPigsFromAnnwn]

Oh Lord, what have I done to deserve thy grace!

[u/tnnr]

Dear Lord. After rewatching this episode coming off of series 10 & 11 it's amazing how much this show is improved by a live audience.

For Americans looking for a way to watch this whole series there has been a very nice redditor who has provided a Google drive link in this sub with every episode uploaded, just do a quick search.

[u/Jaspers47]

It annoys me to no end that Alex didn't reveal what those ice lollies tasted like.