Supergirl (1984) - Caravan of Garbage

welcome back everybody to caravana garbage where this week we're taking a trip through time and also space and maybe Dimension The Phantom Zone my sanity Insanity's in The Phantom Zone this is spinning around in a big pane of glass leave a like yeah if you wouldn't mind terrible oh my God it's not often we watch something this terrible well I I maybe saw this as a very young child I definitely did I remember the dragon and I remember coming out of a lake yeah all I remember I think I think I remembered Supergirl obviously and then her Nemesis was a sort of like Maleficent evil Lin style sorcerer sorcerer situation yeah but boy this movie is bad and long it's so long and we we learned recently apparently the American release yeah Cinemas at the time in 1984. yeah Supergirl 1984. um it was 105 minutes they trimmed it down they're like a lot of this needs to go and guess what they were right but the present day one oh you what a treat we get some sort of director's cut don't we some sort of this is like the international release as well the the version the way watched paid money for two hours yeah it's too long it's way too [ __ ] long and the thing is as well they weren't actually even going to release this after Superman 3. so that movie came out we've talked about it it's not good and it underperformed and then I guess they saw a cut of this and went yeah no so TriStar picture just know so TriStar picked it up and went yeah okay let's let's release this and I guess to this film's credit and there's maybe like three things I could say that I like about it is that it is in a lot of ways a genuine attempt at a spin-off of the Chris Reeve Superman Universe yeah yeah like it's very clearly set in that world I mean tiny disadvantage in the Christopher did not want to be in this no and so they had a little they had a little news report on the radio where the the announcers literally like Superman had to go into a space and it's a he had to go a million trillion light years away he'll he won't be back for the duration of this if you think maybe he'll pop up at the end maybe to help out or something or you know shake Supergirl's hand at the end and say good job Slugger or whatever yeah no yeah you will not so the initial plan was that yeah he was definitely gonna Cameo and that was was like right up until the last minute but yeah he's on a peacekeeping mission of some description come on come on I don't have enough type like a million trillion light years away come on they've probably got a Green Lantern probably a Green Lantern a mon L lady Monella maybe monell speaking of funny funny names and funny words sure oh I guess the definitive tie-in is that Mark McClure is back as Jimmy Olsen that's right what I like is Jimmy Olsen but I tell you what I don't like him in this due to no fault of his own the right the writing is suspect for a lot of characters and a lot of the plot of this it's very suspect let's break down the plot though normally we don't really do a Beat by beat anymore also a lot of the time people do remember like if we don't need to yeah we don't need to break down the plot of Iron Man because everybody's seen Iron Man yeah but nobody's seen this and for good reason but so Cara lives in Argo City yeah which is it used to be a city on Krypton but it wasn't destroyed when Krypton exploded because it got shunted off into an unaltered Dimension or something into a lake into a lake we'll talk about it yeah now Argo is powered by something called the Amiga headron which is like a big marble that can contains like ultimate unlimited energy and it can do anything it can transform matter it can create artificial life it can really do any number of things so one of the guys who's responsible for it just takes it out and just has a bit of a goal on it then goes look at this just just wandering around the city being like look at look at what I can do just showing off little tricks letting little kids have a go on it what are you doing at one point it kicks it across the floor he's not even looking and he just like imagine this in any modern context imagine it's bring your daughter to work day the nuclear power plant and some Engineers pulls a plutonium Rod out and just Chucks it to their little girl I'll go to prison oh and then it goes out the window oh yeah as a a sequence of events that perhaps you know involve giving it to an incompetent girl yeah Kara uh it goes flying out the window and everybody's like we're all gonna die what what are you doing what are you doing zoltar this is altar predates big zolter by many years all right that's true yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah it's Peter O'Toole and he's got this just um he's got this amazing like 1970 Shaggy head looking good I mean clearly he had it done in the 70s I was gonna say because yeah I'm not changing this this is I've peaked and I'm never going back a British man has never had better hair than this completely agree anyway so then Kara sorry the citizens of Argo are like you we're all gonna die now because you you were just you basically shot our generator out of a window you were you were you were doing walk the dog with that little with that with our ultimate power source and now it's gone so Cara gets in their one and only spaceship yep she just gets in it and it just activates itself and then it flies in search of the Omega hedron but fortunately the amigahedron lands on Earth but in the picnic spread of a witch just which is wild because are there are a bunch of witches in this world here's something I'll give it credit for yes so the villain in this is a witch it's Faye Dunaway yep great good stuff I do like some of the casting in this they clearly put a lot of money into the casting and some other things and they're not other things yes but one of Superman's weaknesses and as an extension of that Supergirl is Magic now you say that and that is true and I did have that thought but I absolutely think you are giving the movie too much credit I like that they thought about it they thought about that I think they just went okay super girl what do girls like what a girl girls like witches and magic and spells and potions don't they in fairy dust just make her a witch who cares I don't think they went well canonically the the Superman family's weakness is magic so we're gonna include that you're 100 right I'm sorry anyway this Witch is sort of magic a little bit magic got a real creepy British guy who's teaching her some magic but he also works at the girls boarding school which Cara ends up pretending but she should be searching for the power saw is the thing all right let's Okay so so she she lands on Earth and she the the ship lands in the water she emerges fully formed a Supergirl with the costume and everything they don't explain that well she she has the powers of like 1970s Superman family it's like Clark Kent in the other movies yeah her changes there is a moment yeah she she emerges as a Supergirl and her job should be just fly around the world in a second and find the thing and grab it yeah and leave and you maybe have a watch that tells you when you're close to it or you don't I'm easy sure easy done this should have been a five minute job but she emerges from a forest and she sees a bunch of girls at sort of a private Prep School yep playing baseball and she's like I reckon I'll waste a lot of time in this situation for some reason I guess Clark has a secret identity that we know about somehow so I'll just do that and there's a moment where she sort of she walks past she walks behind a bunch of trees and she magically transforms into into uh Linda Lee which is a character she sort of invents and and she's got the all her hair suddenly dark and then she's got the private school uniform on and again it's like 1970s Superman Magic yeah but I like to think that what she's actually doing is she's just running at super speed and she's just killing and skinning a bunch of like stray students she's like oh take that Blazer oh I'll take this person's scalp here we go but yeah so then there's then there's like high school hijinks yeah like she takes her name from Robert E Lee oh yes she does I just have a note here that says I'm very concerned about who's in love with who in this movie and all their various ages okay another big part of this movie is that Faye Dunaway uh creates a love spell because she wants a random landscaper who happens to be working on the school she wants this guy to fall in love with her right but she doesn't use the ultimate power of the Amiga headron which could presumably do this that she has in her possession already she's like I'm gonna use some sort of Home brand Love Potion made out of I have neuter whatever she's like is this gonna work I don't know just use the reality bending thing I reckon yep maybe I don't know so the idea is that when he comes out of his like trance the first person he looks at he'll fall in love with this is a [ __ ] Supergirl movie anyway so when he eventually comes out of his trance after a little action sequence he obviously looks at Supergirl and he falls in love with her but then it wears off but then he's just in love with her anyway and she's just like cool whatever we're hanging out also it's heartbokner it's the coked up 80s guy from Die Hard yes which I love hands Bobby big fan of that that's right but how old's he and how old is she supposed to be well she's a school student yeah and he's an adult presumably yeah he's an adult man and also she is Linda Lee is rooming with Lucy Lane yes who looks about 14 but she's in love with Jimmy Olsen it seems and Jimmy Olsen comes to visit for the weekend and he's he's he looks a bit like a kid but he's also he's a man and everybody's like all of this is fine there's no meta commentary at the end they don't all get put in a room and be like stop this jorel's come I've come back from the dead and I'm just telling you all this is inappropriate yeah coming from me exactly that's pretty rich I know that maybe you should pay attention well I don't like any of the schooling or lessons here or any of the Kryptonian architecture just to get back to it with Argo City what is that weird open plan situation like there's school and art and bean bags and there's no walls and like it's all encased in like glad rap it was like an Ewok village but with all the color leached out I don't understand it and I guess that's their culture James and you've got to respect their culture I guess I do but it's weird because they clearly put money into things like that and they put money into the casting because as mentioned Peter O'Toole Faye Dunaway Mia Farrow and then they put a million dollars literally a million dollars into the opening credits and then they've got other bits oh just the weird glowing stuff yeah just the just the ghost forever awesome lines and text that was a million dollars yes astounding but then there's other bits where they actually just put a cut out of Supergirl all on a piece of wood and just pulled it out of the lake and you see the wire this you see the wires in this all the [ __ ] time Supergirl just loves flying over stock footage of wild animals just badly composited into that we mentioned casting yeah I really like Helen's life I think she's fine yeah she's got the look yeah I think she's got the sort of wide-eyed naivete of a person experiencing a culture for the first time although at the same time sometimes they do go a bit far because sometimes she can understand sixth dimensional Kryptonian mathematics and sometimes she's like what's a tree yeah come on yeah come on man she also writes a cover letter for herself that's true yeah she's like I know what that is I'll just quickly type that up that's no problem that's right bizarre 70 Superman logic I just put in this filing cabinet which I know what it is exactly you wouldn't know unless it's white and Crystal what are you talking about so Emma porteous uh she designed the suit and she also designed the Reeve one and you see that I think the suit is genuinely good especially for the era and the other thing is there's an early version of this costume which has the headband and as a result of that that's the reason why the costume was changed in the comics for crisis on infinite Earths where Supergirl dies so that's why she's got the headband and it's this yeah it was what this was going to but then they changed it and then the comics were left in the lurched with like ah well now we've made one of the worst costumes of all time yeah great stuff and also yeah she's bad at being super girl like so the big action sequence in the town There's a moment where she has to put out a fire and instead of using like a freeze breath or the wind breath or whatever she just punctures a [ __ ] water tower yeah which is like that's the that's the town water supply presumably also can't put out a tire fire with water that's a great point you sand rookie mistake Supergirl should have used a sand eyes that's right maybe it's a Sandy I don't know I don't know what they do on crypto yeah she got a sand here God I've got a Beach's worth in here and heart blocking her has been like captured by a by a crane or whatever a digger I can't remember so she tears the end off it while he's in there and just lets the machine crashes with Lucy Lane in it asleep at the wheel like literally asleep by the way Jimmy Olsen who happens to be in town at the same time you know maybe he'll get maybe he'll have learned some lessons from Superman and he'll get in on the rescuing action nope maybe he'll take a photo yeah he doesn't oh that's my that's that's one of my work colleagues relatives that presumably she loves and cherishes I'll just take some photos as she crashes into a convenience store you're a monster Jimmy and you're going to jail for other things and there's also so much faffing about in this and a lot of that is like Love Potion related but what I also here's another thing that I do like Faye Dunaway the evil witch has a mate who just hangs out with her yeah and she just kind of stands next to her the whole time punching darts being like yeah I don't know oh that didn't work that magic you try didn't work you probably something else I don't know maybe she I don't know [Laughter] but you know she's it's in it's interesting because she's getting a heartbochner out of all kinds of scrapes you know except there's a moment where she doesn't stop a coconut falling out of the sky for a Precision aimed laser-guided magic coconut that fade done away hurts from the very heavens to crack him on the skull yeah foreign there's also a moment earlier when she's playing baseball and she just lets a baseball just like smash into her back and turn to dust and everybody's like that seems normal that's fine right yeah oh and then she she could tell some high school bullying at one point yeah yeah a couple of the The Bullying girls are gonna turn on some scalding water in the show yeah like a Porky's style yeah yeah but then then Supergirl turns on the heat vision and kills them both presumably is another good thing there's a great Cowboy switch I also think there's some great wire work in this in general I think she looks quite graceful and clearly well practiced a lot of that there's a moment where she flies down from the sky and it's clearly that's the stunt double goes through or looks like she goes into a pipe and then Linda Lee runs out the other side that's right and I'm like I like that also because you don't see the transformation so you don't have to like they couldn't afford the training they could rent some pipes I mean they do it but it never makes sense yeah yeah so just to not see it so you're like I don't know she got changed quickly who cares or whatever I I like that so and at the end she gets stuck in The Phantom Zone yep um which is like a mud planet and then Peter O'Toole's there and he's like yeah I went to jail because I kicked that thing out the window yeah I remember my gross mishandling of that thing the kid you know what everybody's dying in the city because I took it out and I did some juggling tricks with I did some clothes I did some contact juggling with this ultimate power source well yeah like I'll be The Phantom Zone they should and they should have just shot you with a regular gun exile's too good for you Peter O'Toole completely agree and uh she's like we're gonna go back to Earth we're gonna get another Phantom Zone and he's like well you can't oh wait we can probably we can climb this mountain actually yeah yeah that'll that might get us out one of us at least and she does and she gets out and at the end she fights a dragon that she fought earlier that was invisible uh and she's like I can't do this I'm being stretched and beautiful tools like ah just do it I might be one now and she's like all right I will and then she flies into a lake yep and that's the end right because you don't see your land on Earth right yes she just comes out of the lake and at the end she just goes back into the lake I think it's a metaphor do you think it's something to do with the lady in the lake I just assumed it was some kind of like pocket dimension in the lake or with it I don't know I don't know because even the idea Peter O'Toole says this up top of leaving this horrible place where they all live this crystalline open spaced wework [ __ ] situation like it's like you can't you could be crushed you'll die if you ever leave so I I don't I don't know how she left or got back and I've even written here Mason explain it to me I can't but I have some miscellaneous stuff uh Matt frewer is in this he is Max Headroom himself he was in my green trivia there you go all right then well now he's out yeah you're out Brewer ah no no stranger to superhero stuff he's also in uh he's also in Watchman he's in uh the Generation X pilot that will cover one day boy is he uh yeah um that's good he's also good stuff he's an orphan black as well he's in good stuff as well he's in Zack Snyder's Dawn of the Dead I think Lucy Lane has a Warren Beatty poster in a dorm room sure I think but that makes sense because Faye Dunaway well that's true meaning we're both in Bonnie and Clyde yeah and that's funny that's funny yeah that's funny okay I just had two things well those are great things no actually I have a note here that says Supergirl arrives on Earth and just explodes a man's nuts yeah just kicks him so hard that he he's propelled off God's Own Green Earth through a fence and that would have put his nuts in his throat is all I'm saying what is interesting about that interaction is she's clearly doing super girl stuff and they're like oh yeah what about this a knife and it's like dude come come on what are you what are you doing this is a world that has Superman on it what do you think's gonna happen come on well Superman's on holiday that's true so baby do you think that they would beat her up and then Superman would show up and and give him a Stern talk Well normally yeah yeah right okay yeah the different circumstances well anyway it's time for green trivia and also that guy who shouts Rodney he's backpack yeah I know right Rodney Rodney Rodney Rodney [Applause] so the original script there were various incarnations but one of the versions had Supergirl trying to rescue Superman who had fallen ill due to Selena's magic and that's I'm not gonna say falling down a well I've fallen down this well Supergirl which is why you can't see me and my voice is quite quite tinny and you may not recognize me as Christopher Rave but it is way Brooke Shields was the first choice for Supergirl but then was turned down due to being six foot tall uh Deborah Wing was also considered along with Melanie Griffiths but they decided to go with an unknown I think makes sense because Chris Rave was the same and they could pay a less they could also pay a less yeah because they had to spend a million dollars in that opening sequence with the lights and the titles Dolly Parton was offered seven million dollars to take on the role of Selena that crazy so much money yeah but she turned it down claiming that she couldn't play a witch no matter how much money was offered Jane Fonda and Goldie horn also turned down the role and Helen Slater she actually ended up later playing Lara Clark Kent's real mother in Smallville that's right and also Supergirl's adoptive mother in the Supergirl series that's right and that's good she's also on an episode of Seinfeld [Music] Jerry Seinfeld dead at a high school girl also up don't do that don't do it wow anyways the budget of this was inexplicably 35 million dollars that's a lot for the time I guess it's not the worst looking even Superman movie because we've talked about the Chris Reeve movies and Superman 4 looks much worse than this and yeah I'm not saying this looks good that's not what I'm saying but there are elements of it where you go okay yeah no you spent some money here yeah like even the sequence in the in the small town with the action and the cars at least they had a real cast moving around yeah moving about yeah but the Box Office return for this was a pastely paste Paisley a Paisley okay a Paisley 14 million dollars totally a Paisley 14 million dollars my goodness that's barely nothing uh it should have been a Tartan 200 million dollars disagree and it's tied with Catwoman uh for the lowest DC movie Rotten Tomatoes score at eight percent and we've talked about Catwoman and this is worse correct but maybe just because it's longer it's longer and you know yeah it's early it's early in the run people didn't you know people didn't understand how to translate the tropes of superhero stuff to to movies yet see I disagree I think there's some animated stuff which gets closer I think if you look at the first two Chris Reed movies obviously they're better than this this is just [ __ ] whatever and I think that's the problem people speaking of you know what at least they do like I like that at least they didn't have Supergirl fight an evil Supergirl at the end of this yeah I mean it's probably because they had Superman fight an evil Superman at the end of Superman 3 and they were going to have him fight essentially an evil Superman and Superman 4. which would have been a really solid round honestly yeah true what a Trilogy right I almost want to say to people like you should watch this because it's so it's so strange yeah but it's it's it's pretty difficult to look at it's and it's so long anyways do you know Mason you can actually see these videos early including this one here's a hint towards next week [Music] you might be like where can you see that video on Batman Returns we're finally coming back to it well you can actually head over to big sandwich dot Co where there's not only early videos there's also bonus stuff like movie commentaries like early videos that's right we actually just did one recently on the flashpoint animated movie where you might want to be like what what are the what could those guys say over the top of that movie well yeah you have to find out that's right by giving us some money let's treat for you yeah also our podcast the weekly planet where we're talking movies and comics and TV shows that goes up there a day early and AD free on Sunday as opposed to Monday or just you know subscribe and hang around here if you are so inclined so we'll go back and leave go back in the other catalog all right everybody I hope you had a Paisley good time yeah got a good good old Tartan I don't think this is going to be a running joke this is a running joke now I declare wow it's not even Supergirl related all right thanks everyone there Jamie guys we'll see you next week that's what I'm saying yeah I can't have we winners sometimes we just walk out all right these aren't scripted I mean imagine if this was well good Lord foreign foreign

Channel: Mr Sunday Movies

Views: 391,087

Keywords: mr sunday movies, caravan of garbage, the weekly planet

Id: ztBDUqgeoZY

Length: 22min 8sec (1328 seconds)

Published: Thu Mar 09 2023