WELCOME BACK! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
MY NEXT GUEST IS A STAND-UP COMEDIAN WHO HAS THREE SPECIALS
ON NETFLIX. THREE! PLEASE WELCOME, TOM SEGURA. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
( BAND PLAYING ) >> Stephen: THANKS FOR BEING
HERE. >> THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME. >> Stephen: AS I SAID BEFORE
YOU'VE GOT THREE SPECIALS ON NETFLIX. >> YEAH. >> Stephen: WHICH IS THE
PERFECT NUMBER TO HAVE. >> PLEASE, NETFLIX, DON'T GIVE
ME ANOTHER ONE. ( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: BUT YOU'VE MADE IT, THREE SPECIALS ON NETFLIX. YOU MUST FEEL IT BECAUSE YOU
STRUGGLED FOR YEARS. >> IT'S EXCITING. >> Stephen: HOW LONG HAVE YOU
BEEN AT THIS, YOU'RE 38 YOU SAID? >> YEAH, I HAVE BEEN AT THIS 16
YEARS. >> Stephen: THERE HAVETON TO
BE POINTS BEFORE THIS WHERE YOU SAID I'M GOING TO MAKE IT, THIS
IS THE MOMENT. >> THERE WAS A TIME A LITTLE
OVER TEN YEARS AGO WHERE I THOUGHT IT WAS MY BIG BREAK AND
I AM SO THANKFUL THAT IT DIDN'T HAPPEN BECAUSE IT DID HAPPEN,
THEY JUST NEVER SHOWED IT. I BOOKED A COMMERCIAL CAMPAIGN,
MEANING -- >> Stephen: NATIONAL? A NATIONAL STRING OF
COMMERCIALS. >> Stephen: THAT'S A LOT OF
MONEY. >> WITH JARED FROM SUBWAY. ( LAUGHTER )
( AUDIENCE REACTS ) IT'S SO MUCH WORSE THAN YOU
THINK IT IS. >> Stephen: SO YOU ACTUALLY --
THEY EXIST. THEY'RE THERE. SOMEBODY HAS THEM. >> Stephen: THEY WERE NEVER
BROADCAST. >> THEY WERE NEVER BROADCAST. >> Stephen: WHAT DID YOU DO? WHAT WAS THE THING? >> OH, HERE WAS THE IDEA. >> Stephen: THIS WAS BEFORE IT
WAS A BAD THING. >> THIS WAS MORE THAN TEN YEARS
AGO. SO HE'S AT THE PEEK OF HIS
THING, PULLING UP PANTS, HE'S SELLING SUBS, AND THEY REALIZE
THAT THEY CAN ONLY ADVERTISE HEALTHY SUBS WITH JARED, AND
THEY'RE, LIKE, WE NEED TO BE ABLE TO ADVERTISE UNHEALTHY
SUBS. ( LAUGHTER )
SO WE NEED TO FIND SOMEONE THAT PEOPLE WOULD BELIEVE EATS LIKE A
TRASH CAN. ( LAUGHTER )
SO THE IDEA WAS THAT JARED WOULD BE, LIKE, YOU SHOULD GET THE
TURKEY SUB! AND I WOULD BE, LIKE, WHAT ABOUT
THE MEATBALL SUB? THAT'S GOOD! AND YOU WOULD HAVE BOTH SUBS
BEING CONSUMED. >> Stephen: DID YOU HAVE A
NAME? >> OH, YES! HERE'S THE BEST PART. SUBWAY PREPARED ME. THEY SAID, YOU DON'T
UNDERSTAND -- HE WAS SO FAMOUS AT THIS POINT. >> Stephen: BIG DEAL. JARED FOR PRESIDENT AND STUFF
LIKE THAT. >> THEY ARE, LIKE, YOU ARE GOING
TO BE SO WELL RECOGNIZED BECAUSE THESE ARE GOING TO AIR ALL THE
TIME AND THERE ARE GOING TO BE NEW ONES ALL THE TIME AND WE
DON'T WANT YOU TO BE YOU, THOUGH. WE WANT THE CAMPAIGN IS THAT
YOU'RE JARED'S BROTHER. ( AUDIENCE REACTS )
SO HE'S STRAIGHT-LACED JARED AND YOU'RE HIS DEER LECT BROTHER
JEROME. >> Stephen: JARED AND JEROME. ( LAUGHTER )
>> AND I MIGHT BE GOING OUT ON A LIMB HERE, BUT I TOLD THEM, I
SAID, I'M SORRY TO BE INSENSITIVE, I KIND OF THINK
JEROME IS A BLACK GUY'S NAME. >> Stephen: THEY WERE, LIKE,
REALLY? >> Stephen: DOES THAT STRIKE
YOU AS A BLACK GUY'S NAME, JON? >> Jon: IT COULD BE ANY GUY'S
NAME. A AN. >> WHY DO YOU HAVE TO RUIN THIS? >> Jon: A BLACK MAN'S NAME IS
LIKE TYRONE. >> Stephen: THAT'S MY MIDDLE
NAME. >> Jon: YOU COULD PUT IT IN A
SONG, VERY BLACK NAME. THANK YOU. >> Stephen: NO, THANK YOU. >> Jon: I'M AN EXPERT! ( LAUGHTER )
>> WELL, AT THE TIME, I DIDN'T KNOW HIM. >> Stephen: YOU THOUGHT JEROME
WAS A BLACK NAME. >> I HAD A CRAZY NOTION JEROME
WAS A BLACK GUY'S NAME. SO I TOLD THE ADVERTISING
EXECUTIVES THAT. THEY WERE, LIKE, REALLY? WHOA. SO THEY HAD A MEETING ABOUT IT
AND THEN THE FIRST DAY THAT WE SHOT THE COMMERCIALS, THEY SAID,
WE TALKED ABOUT IT AND WE THINK YOU'RE RIGHT. WE THINK IT IS, SO YOU HAVE A
NEW NAME, AND IT'S JERMAINE. ( LAUGHTER )
>> Jon: NOW, THAT'S A BLACK NAME! ( LAUGHTER )
OW! UH! OW! THAT IS A BLACK NAME! >> Stephen:
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: HE'S AN EXPERT. SO DO GO ON. >> I BASICALLY DID THAT. I GO, THAT'S TEN THOUSAND TIMES
BLACKER! THEY WERE, LIKE, REALLY? I SAID WHY DON'T YOU JUST NAME
ME TASHAUN, MAN? >> Jon: BLACK NAME FOR SURE
AND ATHLETE. >> SO THEY'RE, LIKE, YOU'RE
JERMAINE. I WAS, LIKE, ALL RIGHT. I SHOT THE COMMERCIAL, I WAS,
LIKE, GREAT, WHATEVER. SO WE KEPT SHOOTING THEM. >> Stephen: SO MUCH MONEY. AS SOON AS THE FIRST ONE
AIRS, THE CONTRACT TRIGGERS, RIGHT? AND THEY'RE, LIKE, ALSO GET
READY FOR PUBLIC APPEARANCES. I WAS, LIKE, WHAT? THEY'RE LIKE YOU'RE GOING TO
TRAVEL THE COUNTRY WITH JARED. >> Stephen: IN A SUB BUS. IN A SUB BUS. HE'S GOING TO HOLD UP HIS
ENORMOUS PANTS AND BE, LIKE, YOU CAN BE LIKE ME, AND THEN YOU'RE
GOING TO WALK ON STAGE WITH, LIKE, MOUTHFULS OF FOOD, LIKE --
( LAUGHTER ) AND THEY NEVER AIRED IT. >> Stephen: DELIGHTFUL. I HOPE SOME OF THIS MAKES IT TO
AIR. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING
HERE. >> THANKS FOR ASKING ME. >> Stephen: HIS NEW NETFLIX
SPECIAL "DISGRACEFUL" IS AVAILABLE NOW.
