Anthony Jeselnik Roasts Pete

[Music] con yeah congratulations thanks man although I got to say right when you walked out just then I was like this guy should be hosting the show I mean it would be a better show but I don't think TBS could afford me this is what he does see one of the problems I'm running into with the show is the audiences are so sweet and I appreciate that but sometimes they don't understand that I I like to get I like to get my balls my balls broken I think it's cool that you think that you only have one problem on the [Laughter] show you're you're a nice man that's what I that's what I think people might be obviously I think if I've proven anything tonight but it's true Anthony yeah I have you sharpo me I think you you have the Persona which is fun right but on the inside you're you're like a you know Jello you're like a sweet Jell-O pudding but it's on the ground for a kitten because the kitten is like what does that taste like and most people are like shut up kitten but your heart is like give it a try I mean clearly you've given this a lot of thought but do you have an example of one time I've been nice to you when I did your show there was a thank you card with a $1 bill in it that's true that's true that was nice can you teach me how to do IED do an impression of you sometimes okay okay better first thing you got to dress better you're dressed like like you're you're the CEO of a pumpkin [Laughter] [Music] [Applause] patch yeah thanks for having me this is fun [Applause] I'm glad you're here do you have let's keep it to your fans let's keep it off my general appearance okay do you have weird fans yes psycho fans yes for because I'm kind of a sociopath myself so I think weird people are attracted towards me so I don't like I don't meet fans after shows because it's gotten pretty weird but what I will do at the end of my set I'll have a set list you know like I'm like some kind of rock star I'm like if you can trade me something I want I'll give this to you and people think I just mean I want drugs but I'm not some drug addict who needs drugs I have drugs I just want to see what weird things people will try to give me yeah and I've got like what do you mean you're you're like the devil yes you're like beat me at a finel competition in the lobby yeah but you just have a set list and you're like I don't know what you have to offer look inside yeah yeah who can who wants is who's going to step up yes I've gotten someone gave me a shark tooth oh someone gave me an alligator claw where are you performing the by you a lot most of these happened in Florida and then I was in South Carolina and I got the best one the best gift ever a girl came to the stage with a self address stamped envelope for me like addressed to her all the postage laid out and inside was like a cylinder full of putty that you use to make a homemade dildo so she wanted me to open this up put it on follow the steps what is take it off put it in envelope send it to her so she could have sex with me forever Anthony I I need you to be honest to it with me did you do it I thought about it at first I was like of course I'm going to do this because it was just so flattering what concerns me as the kind of crazy that wants a mold but also the kind of foresight and type A that brings the envelope yeah so what are you going to do next after this is [Music] over

Channel: Pete Holmes

Views: 2,663,444

Keywords: Pete Holmes, Anthony Jeselnik (TV Actor), Roast

Id: DkZY3oifV68

Length: 4min 15sec (255 seconds)

Published: Wed Nov 06 2013