Steptoe And Son: A Perfect Christmas (Christmas 1974) Full Version

oh he won't be long he finished looks nice Danny oh it's a veritable fairyland oh transported for another world for a minute I cannot contain my gasp of wonder and amazement oh it calls the splendor of Versailles during the reign of the Sun King were you taking the our publish it is quite magnificent I it's like Disneyland the transformation scene from Cinderella in my clothes is Mars I could see the little fairy come through doing down leaving a trail of Stardust behind you when you're wished upon a star makes no difference to you Gil dad what's wrong we chat what's wrong with it set you've been pointing out the same rubbish since I was five every year and it comes every year the change gets shorter we lose a foot of each end but you don't pull them up properly there's still some left there from five years ago the bells is old frightened to have insell attack it takes you as lot of Magnum as it does the Buddha bah the whole thing is chatty vulgar not only that you're living the picture else there's more pillows and wood were miles in there think he's pathetic lifted to you we'd never get anything put up we wouldn't have any decorations that's what what is the point of decorating this metal it's not gonna grow daffodils are not dungee about there don't cut up these guys the sordidness of this sir with a few colored strips of paper well it's only once a year yeah that's another thing Leslie yeah you know attach the place it's EXA bleeding excavation of our floorboards becomes Christmas out comes your littler after letter bang bang bang I have [Music] [Applause] where is that better does that suit you - good because that's me finish that's my Christmas over I'm not doing anymore you can cook your own dinner crack it on nuts pull your own crackers cuz you're not getting anything more that's me good knowledge you're on your own and I hope you enjoy yourself oh well cuz I won't be here what did you say well then I won't be you why where you going I don't know I'm coming up my margit Bob going anyways longer they still in this place you do this every year yeah I know and every year you provide I spent Christmas tracking his own well not this year I'm going anyway we always have a good time boys ants have a good time thank you do we can drink we're too much sweetened drink does not enjoy myself daddy's boredom whatever eats in our drinks because one is bored there's nothing else to do except stuff golf raw turkey tin Christmas pudding and tepid custard downloads cake oh you can watch the telly and I want ice it telly I wish is that telling every Christmas every day for free solid ice thinking well he's born with Christmas only gonna tell his Christmas stuff down you Kaiko they all do something different for Christmas something special the resent cars with all these stuck in their ailments investigating a special Christmas crime someone found up an alleyway battered to death with a Christmas puddin they're Christmas Silla a Christmas Lulu the Christmas Muggeridge we'll be singing Ave Maria with a younger generation down at mean Abbott's lick to the crutch of course trivia Christmas Coronation Street whatever you party at the Rose return I'm at a club it's on having away with Minnie Cowell down the khole so not make sure all that for nothing I'm sorry no well I enjoy all our Christmas chili all them styles giving up their Christmases just to entertain us no doubt about that Christmas is all in programs is recorded in October summing themselves in a Santa frogs since that's not sat in a freezing car watching them like everybody else enjoys Christmas perhaps I do it's just out Christmases I mean you don't have anybody around go anywhere do anything nothing whatever bet Diamond Jack in his castle well not anymore cuz it Tom I'm going and to show you how desperate I am you can even come with me I know like going away Christmas you have to stay here buncha and I love staying here on meow they had to come with me won't you look you ain't gonna talk me out of it and you can have as many heart attacks as you like oh my god I don't think I'd enjoy a taro why you never know until you try God give me a girl don't go away you think we can afford to go away how close we came I've been talking it up no we got free pound in a boat we've got some fat in the building society we have got seventy nine thousand eighty in the swear box that's mine that's not you did the swearing yeah glad to listen to it no it's not no it's not savings bank it's a penalty in it 10 people swear if you think you're going on holiday with my bleeding 79 coming what 79 pounds later my bleeding that's two bleeding's at ten p per time I like a nice round 80 quid lasts a sod you then when you pull the decorations done this you beat up paper nice little father Christmas package for yes the world is our oyster shut up no let's sing oh yeah what do you fancy do you want to spend your Christmas seat in your turkey in the Canaries perhaps you'd like to eat your Canaries in there taking paradise where do you fancy bog now let's see no I don't believe British Airways is still running a jumbo jet scheduled service to bomb missus boxwoods boardinghouse Roger on the front lovely rooms bathroom on every landing how would you know he was only there a full night I know grub gosh how could you rot plateful yeah yeah I'll give you a mouthful when you gain like smell a dope-ass chain it's not bad what can you do after our past 10 exactly in this country nothing no I got broad shipper life look at video current ban on my bones yes current banning boner not in December how about proper suck whole day long I have no intention of spending my Christmas dragging myself along the seafront in a forced 9 Alvin onto the railings I still got a photographs we had taken last time in a sound waster but a spokes of my umbrellas stuck up any ale and now canvas that will disappear the moment she shoved us out a front door to over the dining room no thank you well what then that's my voice not home for so we can have a look there's lots to choose from Yannick edition how do you fancy Acapulco nobody's thinking no needles into me - speak your father like that Acapulco is in Mexico are swinging they're dead I mean that's where Frank Sinatra goes our does Bruns live bodies in their bikinis laying out under swimming pool on your Lyla having your drinks floated out to you I've been a quarter Brown a wooden float very time volcko you ain't gonna get cause a brownout flying about all over death swimming pools tequila that's a drink down there jumpin salt brandy edge of the glass and a twist of lemon over the side you drink me mouth up I wouldn't be able to get me teeth back you know you're so plebeian aren't you that's a swear word nice no it means a member of the lower order of society classified what do you think you are then when I've got more decent clever and I'm completely classless I mean providing are down up my mouth I could pass for anybody so we can give a cup for Cody elbow can we yeah it's too much money anyway Kenya oh that's nice we can't go on safari big guy Monty I can do that happen me bed oh you're so full of big ideas aren't you I never went to them prices up picking was as far as I got can I do work out and I got there I won't tell me holidays and I did back here me fingers were green for a fortnight I'll talk her down yeah well I want my bum brown for a full night when I like a full color Kenya might be a trifle ambitious yeah we could set the car anywhere in Europe how about France they are four days forty quid we can manage that now I spent Christmas in France twice during the First World War full of our mud it's not like that all a dog after you not finished they filled them all in I don't want to go to France Harold you bring back too many bad memories no I'm not talking about northern France I'm talking about the Riviera all yelps Oh Christmas sent us snow are those little ski villages nestling against the mounting side the cleaner to blue skies the Sun the broken legs are broken oh well we're not going skiing we're going for the parties afterwards the entry scheme you've heard about it hot drinks in front of a log fire shutting off all the birds from all over Europe shoot them and Sheila can see us about unity for me and I could pretend to be a ski instructor and I pull me am strings yeah it's about the only thing you will pull what's gonna happen to me when all this is going on how do you be all right we'll find some off for you some rich I'll boot from Bavaria man answer them the old man is slaving away in a car factories there bang we are warming up into the mountains you'll be quitting oh we can pretend it you are an English Lord and you've gone out there to purchase a mountain Chateau to get away from the wealth texts back home ruff ruff duck duck you boy it's not an income tax collector it's only an old Swiss peasant you live in a dream world don't you I spend in this place hope that you'll be the center of interest when they find out where English will be the center of interest all right they'll all be reading their newspapers to see what tour firm is collapsed then they'll be standing around watching us getting aimed out the old door with our bags after us they'll have to dig us out of a snowdrift don't you read the papers it's a joke to be pretty sure broad these days that's what it is humiliating what would the money and football fans now let's go to Bob now we'd be all right there we're all they've got you look like a bob yup but we don't have to be British we can be Australian yeah you can do an Australian accent ICC [Music] do you wanna put up on the tour if we could break the L shapes the ice and rosters up in the bedroom you know I won't never tumble if you think I'm gonna spend four days walking around talking like that's you're mistaken I'm British and proud of it I'm just not having a low white woggs laughing at us lovely somewhere we're welcome Poland yeah daylight's us I'll be there you'd never get the speed up a witch's teach it is there but I got Skype info on that canal we can skate on our canal it's only 20 yards away exactly's gob rely on it cleanup remembers the last time the Grand Union chorale froze over I know I saw the same thing and Amsterdam they don't have to keep jumping over old mattresses and bicycle fronts I am not pretending to be an Australian oh you can't be Scottish well you're not all comin ashore until havoc like then I can't do a Scottish accent thanks a little Oxford it sounds like it done in it I'm doing a 3d liner do I let's stay here well you've got all these traveling places to choose from well but it might be somewhere what's your fancy to black see I'm not really black hey Marvin oh if you go swimming in it I'm tall it's very nice out there where is it it's in Russia in the Crimea here are four days and the workers Palace Hotel what's a frequent no I don't go back to Russia oh yeah yes I am wait 99 don't tell me who is this adorable Coons dancing partner a secret agent mm three and a half come on even the smallest my newest scent are there a photograph the secret Russian junkyards I couldn't catch him the scarlet pimple hey stinky we're just on it seeks him everywhere [Music] untraceable in the snowy Weiss because he said never come above his footprints [Music] expeditionary force to after angel I was hoping the White Russians to put down the Bolsheviks I was fighting for my country yeah was fine the kind still workers your Shriner to your class I'm not a worker that's true there's a ring round me name if they find out I've been fighting against him they put me up against the wall and shoot me I'll go and bought the ticket I am NOT going behind the Iron Curtain I'm not going to give no money to no communist so they can build up their economy and take us all over hai-yah the profit from your 40 free quiz gonna were quite a few intercontinental ballistic missile oops I am NOT going she need anymore oh you would like Denmark they have large sections out there I mean they actually on the stage everybody looking not over Christmas sure well cool psycho they equivalent of pantomime but do the same stories as us fight through Cinderella spelt with a nurse it takes a long time to Jack and the Beanstalk forcing kinky boots I'm not going anywhere dirty not over Christmas I want somewhere clean wholesome and respectable how about four days in a launderette and children to get out of this country all these wonderful places it's useful this Sal xenophobic I am NOT I just don't like foreigners because I'm going Widow without you it's up to you they TiVo Christmas here on your own cold miserable lonely Oh Christmas abroad ha miserable and lonely coz I won't say anything you I know you the minute that suitcase it's the vigil be off like a finish up a trouser leg sniffing out the local dolly clack its trudging up and down Majorca High Street on my own my okay that's where you want to go no I don't want me put in boiling the olive oil nobody want to code it hi mine Belgium No ah now your God of nothing against Belgium they never know no I'm to anybody but got to Brussels no why not if you tell me cuz you don't like sprouts I'll kill you can't go to Brussels the police is still looking for me 19:18 forgive me the army had to smuggle me out I know this is silly what did you do well you know that is a statue in Brussels the mannequin piece nothing well you know it's a tradition that all the regiment's of though they're presenting with the suit two toes yeah well when our regiment was there we had a big parade in front of the statue and there was our commanding officer and and the king of the Belgians and the lord mayor of Brussels Oh God what did you do what was only a joke I didn't mean anything I turned on the little boys water pressure fool yeah crouchers all that all I'm not able closes my heart will choose one at random just like that they love its whistlin you got anything against that and doubt tell me the International Red Cross is after you I'm good that's alright that's settling yeah cuz this is Rizzoli yeah like gold for that these traitors gonna make up our mortgages they will the good hey what do you mean we're not flying Wow swimming oh I'm too old you don't have to pilot that thing you just go see there you can say what you like dude your legs I'm not flying Oh God by tryna boat I'm not gonna buy a boat in this weather I'd be sick let's go to Bob no we're not Switzerland on the night fairy you won't even area cause in a channel will you be on a train asleep they don't put the Train on the boat of course I do you will be low on your bunk on a train on the bunk spark out how can you be sure because I'm absolutely certain before the throne reaches Dover I want a boat as you one was in Switzerland right right not very far so good right now where's your possible I've got one I've we've been sitting here all night talking about going abroad for dinner and you have I want to go to bog now we'll have to get you an emergency passport now still need a photograph and the birth certificate this was your first ticket with me medals well where's your medals who's been marriage certificate provides a marriage certificate with me insurance policy what is your insurance policy I know now I've lost it when you lost me under the goldfish bowl when 1939 then when the Blitz started I put it somewhere safe did you hear that Charlie hey buddy somewhere safe have you seen each other so much safe in here that's very reasonable where - I won't be up in the attic that's not safe even today we ain't got a cellar I want me now where did we used to go jumping a heart and a bombing in the Blitz down the pub no no no used to go go in the pub where did you used to put me under the stairs that's it animus tears every knife on my arm it's another thing I've never forgiven you there's a safer place now set is your wish all the stairs left standing bags Italy so suggest that in the first place come on get in there it's dark Carol yeah it was during the war as well we don't know what's in there exactly there might be treasures I'm told yeah you think of yourself as a new Lord cardigan I believe a tomb of Tutankhamen [Applause] what do you want a China whip go be careful of spitting gaboon Vipers Carruthers I'll get just the tomb robbers hieroglyphics ministery of food ration book estranged annotations eggs meat points but can it mean oh god if why don't we add the Rosetta Stone we've got interpret it must be religious I'll crack these commas it's the last thing I do [Music] we'll call please 1 2 3 4 5 you [Music] nothing oh just do you found him yet no we're gon give a key miss they're not here let's forget you Terrell let's go - all right you can come on in Rini how's that - six and seven nights [Laughter] couldn't afford the rest of the uniform scrubs line elementary school except I welcome gratis no doubt place and be grateful what a comb trick what wireless receiving license 1938 Saturday most up-to-date one we've got Skinner's arms Christmas Club genuinely 1936 six months a week drawn up February two Scottish Widows Mutual Insurance Company a penny a week yeah I took that out for you in case you die didn't cost you anything thank you cashed in 1942 yeah as the Union scarlet fever he was very ill Harold I thought she was going how better money went the birth certificate all the sorry why is he trying too hard huh twenty-six of September 1999 so that's it that's what the Moody's bit of her key roles in The News said he was yeah he always told me you were separate to and you lied about your age to go to the army yeah look at yeah we're not we're born 23 old drum line yeah Lyme have a lady Smith stepped oh yeah that's right boy never boy I can't even imagine you as a baby but you know that's as you as both Victoria Alexandria scepter what's a nice give it a day your occupation domestic servants believe me [Music] the reason [Music] my father is a why'd you tell me before Oh could you just make up your own so you think I've run away for a bomb or something why does he tell me why should I tell you why should I tell anyone wasn't my fault nobody asked me tense you tell me your father started this firm step turn son what a wall step to our son you know I said it was mrs. Steptoe and son I feel strangely let down kind of a thing that's what granny your mother Brewster those are broke up and calling granted all of these years cool who is it well if you must know yes it's true someone you could put our young dogs but it all now you have to come father brought Minister Winston Churchill but you didn't have to dig you you've got a father about Winston Churchill blood sweat and tears all of these years what didn't you tell me before it was not the kind of thing you go shouting about this wasn't in them days it was a big disgrace to be gone out of wedlock then not like today all these film actresses having Dixie leads all over and boasting about it be born a child of love in 1899 was a stigma funny I never thought of you as a child of love you haven't got a faceful surely your mother must know your father I know she never let on she always used to say dad had gone to meet the angel who decides she must have been a brave old girl granny went that was an arse laughter they didn't know no national health no aftercare no orange juice she must have lost her job yeah I'll bet they booted her out minute you start appearing no they did that's when she came here 80 pounds she paid for it she was robbed wonder he was your fun where did she work Belgrave square lord and lady somebody rather obey was in you could be the son of a lord now nice possible I mean they was always doing that the aristocracy putting domestics up the Duff well that's what she got her money for to keep her quiet yeah that's how I look at you yeah yes it's possible aristocratic hey that's a good chin when you got your teeth in there it's possible I could be the grandson of a load it we could be related savolta to 1459 or Suffolk is possible I don't think so I wrote it sounds nice but I don't think so how do you know well I don't remember when I was ten year old mum did enough try when the muffin man died I used to go out with trays on the Reg ringing bells and when Drew's raining they used to go into somebody's kitchen for a cup of tea stop their muffins getting work hard I think it must mean the muffin man now kind of think of it your head is a little bit flat on a top occupational genetics so I don't think it'll stop you getting a passport no no did anybody got Brody Stice I'm looking forward to it now now it's all come out it's a great weight off my mind we might even get to know each other better ailed now with no secrets between us we've got them a good time aren't we Harold yeah [Laughter] you see did I take your photograph for the passport picture nah just sit there just stared in the shoulders here on the did we go [Music] curtisha go sit still you want me to cheat thinner out I should leave them in you don't want to frighten about a different yeah yeah passport pictures now Fanfan Gege let's give you a normal blank expression to dump them in about a month he killed ten thousand Germans without me 15 bucks some lay you some lay down some labour to conquer how long poor Sal would have pulled it up if this all that's what happens when a muffin man has a very um [Music] come on arrow look at the time I told you we should've left earlier Rubio hey tower 11 o'clock like up in pursuance whistling sir or not we missed the training to be your fault if we miss the triangle got a book not me Mike I'm gonna enjoy myself I admit I didn't want to go at first but I'm looking forward to it now you got your Swiss francs yeah I need seven let's check well I got it for you means huh just in time British national British listen mate the last time I was on this station I had a rival of me shoulder only way tomorrow's 15 years old rowers are lied about me a court it's right there I see Sir your passport please nothing wrong with that brand-new and it says without let or hindrance and that includes you I'm going to Switzerland night blue skies snow Sun better than this proxy whether you begin it I hope you're enjoying yourself oh don't you worry British national yes your passport please is something wrong his passport sir it's a year out of date now comes a date of expiry October the 23rd 1973 don't know bad fall better get a move-on say I'm mr. change oh yeah I shouldn't go if I will use her say Denis else is there no point in wasting two tickets it's only four days you so presume your girl was right yeah I must be going out I'll see you when I come back give me all right go down to the pub Daisy siege it put it on the sleigh get a new one Merry Christmas sir thank you [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music]

Channel: mk5dubster

Views: 2,257,076

Keywords: steptoe, 74

Id: pVLKR8oH-T4

Length: 47min 16sec (2836 seconds)

Published: Wed Dec 26 2012