George & Mildred Full Episodes - Complete Series 3 (Yootha Joyce, Brian Murphy) #george&mildred

[Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] well it doesn't look as if anybody else is going to come to my little coffee morning no no well they should have let you know if they couldn't make it oh they did it's just I thought one or two of them might change their minds you know would you like another cup we've got gallons to get through well just a small one it might keep Emma awake oh Emma it's a girl today is it it's got to be it gets all Restless when stasy and Hutch come on to you yeah don't we all right it is black isn't it how many people did you invite mild oh uh um just a few dear well about 4 4y well I didn't think all of them would want to come all right you were did you send proper invitation cards out oh of course dear oh nothing fancy you know just uh Mildred Roper will be at home on Saturday morning one of them wrote back and said so will I oh there you see I knew someone would uh you have a will you right uh oh do you think we've got to have sandwiches oh there's plenty milk yes right well uh excuse me good [Laughter] morning the KN fell off your no MD the bit that was on his hat he left out in front of the lawn mower he did I told you to stay outside I am expecting company yeah you want people to think on the Gardner don't you H morning sir I notice you didn't bring me out cup of coffee well I was going to when everybody else had gone everybody else oh I think you're the only one that's turned up W you well yes out of 40 invitations oh no it's a shame is it sure you won't be told tofy no snubs around here a lot of them thank you oh no not you you're different you feel sorry for her George have you finished weeding that front garden well oh yeah yeah I'll slung them in next door oh no not your side the other side thanks I'm sorry to be the first to leave leave Mildred uh well I did say I had to go of course Jeff is coming home for lunch yes dear thank you ever so much for coming pleasure I'll see myself out bye byebye dear lettuce Water Crest cucumber no wonder nobody come you should have made them sausage or fried egg sandwiches I had no complaints from Anne well well she's probably on a diet is't she yeah she needs to be I don't know if you noticed but you not put on a lot of weight lately put on a lot oh you fool um I told you weeks ago she was in a interesting condition what you mean she's a yes Oh I thought you meant she was drunk well that's the last of the vegetable garden it's also the first yes well at least we got one meal out of it and it's not much more expensive than buying it in the shops quite how was the coffee Mall oh it was a disaster nobody turned up well what do you expect Mrs Clifton white was holding hers at the same time oh I didn't mention that to Mildred the wife of the local counsel the wife of the local Scruff bag no contest you know sometimes I think Mr Roper's right there are a lot of tofy no snobs around here nonsense they're all much the same as me dad dad I found a caterpillar can I keep it as a pet uh no no no I don't think so don't let to see the lettuce it'll go berserk you see son caterpillars don't stay as caterpillars they form a cocoon then it bursts and out comes a butterfly when's Mommy going to burst not for two or 3 months yet so long busness isn't it yes [Music] oh hello Jerry hello George have a lolly gobble Cho bom oh is it all right if I leave my ice cream van outside what oh yeah that's all right yeah hey I haven't seen you for oh must be about a year no it's eight months George with full remission what won the Derby in 1928 I don't know a horse oh yeah it's good that isn't it yeah yeah as milu what oh she's she's much the same oh well you can't win them all can you oh you knew I was coming then oh there go and help yourself right let's see what we got to drink now it's Jin whiskey vodka they're all empty here you f your prune Brandy I'll stay with a coffee of it's George sit down what listen I'm going to make you a millionaire overnight well that's very decent of you it might take a month or two but this is the this is the investment opportunity of a lifetime what floggy nice lodes oh no no I just borrowed that van from me granny are you usually drive around in an xjs had to learn it to the finance company now this scheme fully backed by an Arab Consortium and who is left that ice cream B just outside my oh I might have known morning Mrs R yes you know for a moment there I thought you was your own daughter when you come in shift it before the neighbors complain right Jerry was just telling me about it's all it's all right George it's all right we'll carry on chatting in the pub even those little laughter wrinkles seem to enhance their sh H here we are Jerry right now then what's this scheme of yours ehy I'm just going to say one word to you George p P pigeon what's the first word you think after pigeon well oh oh yeah yeah that is well yeah there's a fortune to be made in Pigeon farming is there I have here the projected profit ratio input output cash flow of the first year oh yeah incredible and the initial livestock can be got from Trafalga Square for nothing all you need is a handful of milet and glue right along your arm then you start breeding them they don't need much encouragement before you know where you are you've got a whole chain of Kentucky Fried pigeon shops yeah but uh wouldn't they sort of um well you know wouldn't they fly away not when they're covered in breadcrumbs and cook now if just you me and the Arab Consortium how much you going to put in everything good man my life savings well done £10.76 uh no no George I was thinking more in terms of four figures well that is four figures yeah yeah but let's put it this way that w't even buy the shovels to keep the cages clean well how how much would I have to put in well uh it's got to be in thousands George not so much for the money more for the personal commitment well personally I'm ready to be committed yeah what about old milju has she any cash tucked away a well there's so many left over dear I thought that you might be able to use them you know for tristram's tea oh well thanks Mildred I'll try them but I think he prefers sausage or fried egg sandwiches yes oh well oh don't feel too badly about this morning Mildred I think Mrs Clifton white was having a coffee morning as well what the counselor's wife the wi chairwoman the one on the Board of Governors of the school oh you know her no I don't know anyone except the Avon lady perhaps you should have invited her I did she didn't come either MD rer [Laughter] uh hello my precious and what are you up to why have you got that box out oh that I was I was just Ty how dare you what how dare you accuse me of going through your personal papers oh so that's what you were doing was it how did you know I was uh I just seeing how we were sort of fixed you know financially oh I'm all right George you have nothing next question what about this insurance policy must be worth something yes when you're dead well couldn't I couldn't I get an advance on it very likely I mean let's face it there's not a lot of life left in you anyway what do you want money for oh well Jerry's got me interested in investment scheme you thought up see and oh I see and you want money to have your head examined is that it yeah no no just that well see this idea he's got is he yeah well don't bother to tell me George I'm not in the mood to laugh listen it's a very when it comes to your fat friend and is get poor quick schemes there is no money in this house oh the house yes yes I yes I do agree that our advertisment says the property is on the river and not in it but that only happens twice a year yes I I'll put details of other the properties in the post goodbye all right ma he's been waiting an hour show him [Laughter] in hey good afternoon quite if you want to borrow my lawn mow you'll have to wait till you give it back to me no it's all right I'll get it fixed first tell me something um what do you think I'll get for my house what do you mean fixed up you're selling your house well you're moving oh might depends how much money I'll get oh lots lots have a drink I've never really fitted in round here oh true I'd be much happier in a council flat oh you would I've said as much to and many times what uh what what sort of commission do you get none in your case none I could put on the market at once you could be out in a fortnite cheers oh oh yeah cheers hello George Jeffrey here who uh Mr for mile um look I have a couple with me who are very interested in looking over your property are Mr and Mrs Williams oh uh yeah right yes well 3:00 yeah yeah all right then 3:00 oh who was it it's a wrong number they wanted a speaking clock that's why I told him the time see it's only quarter 1 ah yeah well they didn't want to know the time now they wanted to know what it would be at 3:00 a bit silly really isn't it yes mil what would you like to go to the pictures this afternoon there's a good film on oh George we haven't been to the pictures together in the afternoon since we were well since we were courting no yeah do you remember you got your shirt tail caught in the tip up seat yeah I remember oh here we are look see Nyo Night Nurse couple with red hot and ready George we can't go and see anything like that oh not me I've seen him already no you can go oh I see well I wouldn't anyway I've got a lot of shopping to do ah J tonic please and tomato juice and um oh a club sandwich this is no fun I can't drink and I can't smoke all right an I've had to give up a few things as well only the one and that's what caused it in the first place there oh hello Elizabeth we did miss you at our little coffee morning yes um I don't think You' met my husband Jeffrey Mr and Mrs Clifton white how' you do sir please Reginald Reginald uh can I buy you both a drink J and tonic right I'd already arranged to go to my next door neighbor's coffee morning absolute disaster nobody turned up oh how awful for her oh quite quite uh sad business her name's Mildred Mildred roer you really should meet her I'm sure you'd get on yes I must pop in sometime say hello oh she'd like that I'm chairing the committee for repairs to the church roof perhaps I can persuade her to sit on it thank you should we all uh grab a table uh right you're wasting your time they'll be moving soon who will The Ropers they put the house on the market yeah and uh these well as you probably realize are the stairs leading back down to the hle see and uh down there will you be leaving the carpets and curtains oh no thank God for that and down here there's more Hall see leading through to the uh uh the loung stroke dining room yes well uh what do you think my dear can you hear the neighbors through the walls oh yeah it's better than the Telly some night oh no no no no no no no no no no no it's a nice area yeah it's a good part football pitch Cricket tennis what about draft well that's more your indoor game is it do you mind if I jump up and down oh you like to play set match do you the floorboards but oh yeah oh yeah there's plenty of them they're they're under the carpet see uh George oh my God Excuse Me Talk Amongst yourself uh you're back early my precious yes well shopping doesn't take too long when you don't meet anybody to gossip with who are you talking to oh uh just people a man and and and and his wife they they um well they dropped in to say hello what neighbors oh George are nice you see they aren't all tofy noos snobs but mil how do you do oh this is my wife and this is Mr and Mrs what's name it was very nice of you to come George where are your manners how nice to meet you yes if few squeaks here uh yes it's a floorboards oh do sit down um I have a cherry or a prune Brandy no no no no no no please George pour us all out a drink come on oh do sit down there we are oh how nice of you to drop in not really we wanted to look around your house oh you can't tell from the outside can you no I suppose you can't no you can't tell what for instance your bedroom's a lot smaller than we expected George showed you our bedroom oh yes and the bathroom we were rather hoping for a shower oh really oh well uh perhaps after you've had a drink here we are you uh you just Swig these down then you can go your ceilings got one of two very nasty cracks right let's get the homework done otherwise you'll have nothing to forget to take to school tomorrow all right Mom yes Jason's rabbits just had 10 babies all at once really if you had 10 we could form our unle football team and I'd be Captain cuz I'm the oldest homework I'm just popping next door there you go I suppose if the kitchen were a bit bigger but well frankly I really don't like these houses neither do I well I'm sorry about that yeah well we won't detain you there go course it would look better with our furniture in oh absolutely yeah right off you go it's very nice to be in the C by see your own s out they were a nice couple weren't they and did they say where they lived yeah Potter's bar P oh they've come all this way just to drop in yeah well it's neighborly of them wasn't [Laughter] it a complete waste of a perfectly good prune Brandy yeah oh oh hello love come on in Mildred I'm so sorry to hear we're not going to be neighbors anymore you're not moving what no you are pardon the big fight followed by General [Laughter] Hospital uh George yes M do you want to be buried or cremated oh neither I'm not dead not yet what do you mean you have been trying to sell this house behind my back uh uh no no I I'll just put it on the market so you to see how much it' be worth why well so I could sell it now you see Jerry's got this very good skit created oh and how many other people have been poking their noses around my home sneering at my ceiling insulting my furniture well I can tell you now George it is going to stop M I didn't mean to M this is your fault sorry Mrs rer yes we probably should have telephoned first oh no oh no no no no no you are not going to come into my house and criticize it but surely jumping up and down on my my floors saying my bathroom's too small poking your nose into my laboratory see did we go away go oh mildre they didn't come to look at the house they came to see you what that was Mr and Mrs Clifton White [Laughter] GE here we are yeah so uh well I thought it wouldn't be right to sell the house behind mre's back SE so uh I won't be able to raise enough money to come in on the pigeon Farm Jerry Ah that's Fallen by the way side the Arab Consortium withdrew its finances Abdullah and his misses at the sweee shop oh seems they had a gas Bill still you did say you had £10.76 didn't you oh yeah yeah now a remarkable opportunity has come up for the small investor really yeah you know how the French eat snails right but it takes a man of vision a man such as yourself to realize the marketing potential of the humble British n just think of it George think of it new and chips new burger n in a basket tell me more [Applause] [Music] Jerry [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] I am sick of it George I'm am sick of mending and making do if you earen a proper wage we might be able to afford some decent furniture for a change shut your trap I beg your pardon shut your trap he running tomorrow 2:30 at New Market well it had better be oh well for a moment there George your life hung by a thread yeah I've got a bet on it see it's the uh it's a second leg of the accumulator I got three legs all together yeah most of the horses you back have three legs Jo oh not this time mild the first one's already won this afternoon 1:00 came in 10 to 1 oh yeah what happened did it run backwards about 8 qu on shut your track tomorrow see here look there we are hey there number seven same as me birthday there's an omen yeah and he's a golden oh another Omen furthermore he hasn't got handicapped well depends which way you're look at at George well you won't be carrying any extra weight yeah so you said look sure why don't you just ask the Social Security people to send your money straight to the bookie and cut out the middleman well that's not fair mildre I have come up once or twice once or twice yes there you are that hides that greasy little Mark of yours oh was only here all oh George I don't know why you bother it's like spreading lawn food on concrete there's nothing wrong with this furniture just a bit worn that's all a bit worn if I shampoo that carpet once more you'll be able to read the newspaper underneath you are using [Laughter] that cheers oh it's nice to relax just the two of us well two and 2/3 of us is Tristram asleep oh yes just looked in on him out like a light what did you want me for Daddy well he looked asleep can I have a drink of water no can I have some of that wine no why aren't you asleep I was thinking if Daddy put the baby in your t mmy where did he get it from harro's baby department oh that's not what Michael at school said uh I see what did Michael at school say you wouldn't believe me if I told you Hello Joel oh you're still awake I'm afraid so yes oh God you have been in that bathroom for over half an hour yeah well had to wipe the walls down didn't I yeah well I uh switched the electric toothbrush on before I got it in me mouth toothpast everywhere oh George well come to bed and tell me all about it oh no m i I thought I sit at the dressing table and read for a bit see typical I don't need new furniture I need a new husband a new furniture costs money mildy beside it's not all old plenty of life in this bed since when good solid pre-war British workmanship this is never let you down what was that crash next door sh I finally got him off what was that crash yeah well do you think it's damaged mild it's a right off well not really if you if you remove the other leg it' be a sort of nice low bed sort of modern oh and what about these one cough I'd go straight out the window that's right look on the funny side I could prop it up with brick see oh George George leave it you'll wake up the woodworm they'll make straight for the Wardrobe we got to sleep somewhere well we use a spare room oh yeah but oh no wait a minute it's got a single bed so yeah well I mean you and me we get tangled up I'll tell you what there's a Sati you sleep on that and I'll keep in the spare room yeah I've got a better idea George what you have the Sati oh thank you [Music] madam morning good morning sir morning Madam can I help you yes good morning Mr uh father girl yes we're looking for um a cot yes we've had quite a run on cots lately probably the par cut last March right well there we are Madam dropped downside with a safety chain teething bar rattle wrap fitted mattress pink white or blue with optional bunny duck or wble well uh oh oh I think we've just got one vote for yes fcy giving our old bed Away George I did not give it away I got a goldfish for it yes yes look they've got all sorts here George oh here they might even have a water bed what with your elbows you puncture it in five minutes yes that's true well we must be practical so let's just have a look at the George look oh George look that's bigger than the bedroom oh look George black satin fitted sheets oh no that's kinky that is oh and look at this headboard but look look what it says incorporate stereo radio Co I could lie there in the morning and have Terry wogan coming at me both sides at once huh un love he where we put it I have to sell the house to afford it yes yes you're right George yes we've got to be practical so we must just oh George oh god oh oh oh I've always wanted to sleep in one of these George oh oh look up there's little frill on the outside look I don't like Frills on a bed mild no oh GE oh this is heaven oh come down here come on come and come and join me hold the curtains come on that's it yeah you are going to be out of yourself aren't you so that is one white with duck would you like naturalistic or Donald oh naturalistic oh uh Donald Donald Donald yes will can't be cash sir cash oh I beg your pardon a account of course that should do nicely now when would you like delivery preferably before mine oh George it's so cozy isn't it I mean it's that George what you still got your shoes on we'll get in touch just as soon as they come in yeah I than you stop that stop it George take them off now if you don't take them off I'm going to take them off for you sir M oh I I was I mean we would just oh hello loves how are you Mrs rer we need a new bed you see because our old one collapsed last night oh oh so that's what all the noise was about yes oh well if you'll just excuse us um uh could you direct us towards cram sir first floor thank you so much thank Madam you've made a wise choice sir very sturdy who certainly won't get that one to collapse well actually I decided and it is only £590 I've decided what's the what's the cheap one called it is not cheap George it's the uh inexpensive one a special off yes follow me of course they are slightly shop soiled what they've been doing on them be quiet oh there you are Madam beautiful padded vinyl headboard with beautiful padded vinyl footboard yes well yes it's uh well it's it's new it's a bit Posh in it oh do you think so we'll take it split spendid will that be a count cash keep going HP I'll get the forms hire purchase what a minut we can't afford cash George uh oh yeah uh mild there's something I think you better know oh jely the humiliation of it I mean why didn't you tell me you we're on a higher purchase Blacklist yeah well it's a cocktail cabinet M I refuse to pay the last installment cuz a cigarette burns on it you put them there yeah oh well it's the principle of the thing isn't it so I can't have my new bed after all no well we'll have to have a second hand one won't we oh started already with teay coming up on the inside Rail and Simon's boy falling back a little at the last furong it's shut your trap and traay next and I am not going to sleep in a secondhand bed that's a second installment of the accumulator Simon's boy making a last minute effort but it's too late and at the post is shut your trap and tea tray with shut your trap win in by half a length te tray second Simon's boy third and here are the starting prices oh one see what he got 11 to two that means I've got about 40 quid on the third o tomorrow well really well well that means if you if it wins tomorrow well you won't need HP hey so you didn't actually buy a bed then Mildred no not yet no it all depends on my lover what Mr rer good God no no it's a it's a horse it's a horse C you see my lover is running tomorrow at uh catrick oh if it wins I can buy myself a lovely new bed oh how much you going to put on it All of Me Oh you you mean the BET oh uh George is seeing to that it uh it's got something to do with his third leg yes mind you with his luck it'll probably spin off the course or whatever it does well let's see what your stars say tomorrow right what are you Virgo yes a good day for contacting someone who is close to you well that could mean anything I mean it could mean that I'd H him you will give way to your Natural Instincts then I'm definitely going to with him do you know he is complaining cuz he's having to sleep on the CTI oh I might be able to help you there it's not dignify mild keeping in a sleeping bag in my own bedroom well then go on to the sa Oh no I got uncut myet marks all down me legs from last night well then uh come with me into the spare bed truth on between the devil and the deep blue sea well make up your mind I'll stick with a deep blue sea anyway you bored it I re you ought to sleep in it all right George I don't mind if you don't think there's going to be too much of a squash I didn't mean that no I know you didn't how are you supposed to get in here anyway you climb into it George head first I zip you up and you suffocate how do you think you get into it I hav't used one of these since I was in the Boy Scouts dip dip dip do snaggle down and shut your go yeah I remember I've got me wagle caught in the ship well that might explain a lot here's your Coco oh yeah had a boy scouts knif with a two blades a cork screw an attachment for putting things in horses hooves you know George I can't see you as a Boy Scout I mean you haven't got the knees for it I got kicked out in the end for threatening beh behavior during Boba job week oh oh yeah those were the good old days you I think I'll get me head down now mil all right then George well good night aren't you going to me up oh all right now I'll get into it properly put your little Hood up there you go that's right there we are there's your thing is right there we go now hey careful right George well good night good night we're riding along in the [Music] sky morning mil morning love hello dear I was wondering if you wanted to go to the shops well actually yes dear I do so do I only I can't fit in behind the steering wheel oh all right come on in it's all right love I'll drive you I could drive if you'd wot the pedals for me I don't think so anyway it'll give me a chance to wear my new hat look I made it myself well I uh I had some material left over you see now now tell me what do you think honestly now well she wasn't asking you Tristan it's very nice mild oh thank you I think what do you know about hats no he's right it's Dreadful all right come on let's go shopping go on how did Mr Rober get on with a sleeping bag well the last time I looked in on him he was uh sleeping like a sack of King Edwards I know the feeling there we are oh my word oh well another day oh God miled [Music] M oh God hang on morning Madam do I look like a Madam you blind me the curse of the Mummy it's £150 this week sir um listen me sit stuck what can can can you give me a oh yeah yeah sure sure hang on all right yeah yeah this has happened to me once or twice it's very frustrating now you're uh you're do DARS come off yeah I know that but are you're going to need a pair of pliers there Squire oh and it's still £150 well well hang on thanks very much oh don't mention it it's a bit nippy out this morning gov still that won't bother you you won't be going out yeah thanks very much good [Applause] morning oh stupid back oh scissors you time for a Couer mild yes love of course Tristram don't you fire that in the house again do you mind if I listen to the race oh yes of course all right what the honorable member for S West C comment on the plight of anciliary workers in the ballcock and Allied Plumbing Industries you got the wrong Channel that's a comedy show lining up for the start of the tough wear fitted carpet Chase with sea storm number seven in the cross hoops and my lover number two in the sheep skin nose band and they're off and after a shaky come on my goes into the Le the neighbors are wonder what's going on oh sorry come on you [Music] radio and you we see storm coming off on the outside and JY Ginger still holding his lead and it's my lover my lover coming through in a strong finish and that the post yes it's my lover followed by Jolly Ginger and in third place sea storm I one I W the treble what would the ODS my lover at 5 to2 thank you 5 to two that oh go oh wait a minute that's 10 to1 uh 11 to2 oh oh that's a lot of money George George The Race yeah you uh you missed it shame really what yeah it's a Pity it lost it what you could have used all your windows to have bought a new bed I see you'll have to get cheap secondhand one now oh so this betting slip is worth nothing then George oh oh no oh well then I'll just tear it up dear no no no no don't do that I'll do that later I'm good at then yeah well you had enough practice so it lost day oh well I blame it on our radio how do you mean well on an's radio it won oh and and I wish you wouldn't let him fire these things in the house oh dear it doesn't exactly welcome home uh what's uh what's my sleeping bag doing down here oh I lent it to Mr rer yesterday he returned it huh wonders will never cease George we might be able to for some sheets as well oh perhaps those black satin fitted ones we like sleeping in a dash bin liner oh George you have no Romance uh we have here what I think you call a winning slip oh yeah afternoon George S oh yeah touch lucky here accumulator now let's see how much we owe you 169 oh George that's of course what you owe us George what yeah well I had to run a bit up on the Slate didn't I £168 15 which means that you you get 85 P congratulations well we could buy some ant eggs for the Goldfish thank [Applause] [Music] [Applause] you [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] yeah [Music] all right now then this is the 827 from Worthing seat well come pay attention M there yeah and it's traveling at 800 mil hour clickity click clickity click click click click click now it's going through the tunnel see C now going around the bend George the only thing going around the bend is you I was uh entertaining the Goldfish mil drink where did you to get this train set from I went swaps with a little fell next door what Tristram yeah and what did you give him he was quite happy H George what did you give him gave him an old Tire take it back I can't M we went keep oh dear got come on pack the whole thing up and take it back oh I never had a train set when I was a kid W my mother is due here at any moment George I do not want her to find you Wooh hooing all over the table your mother coming here yes it's only 10 months since she came here last she's making it happy of this George my mother is coming and this time I do not want you to disconnect the doorbell well I'll be honest mild I don't like her yeah only because she beat you at arm wrestling no she didn't No I gave in cuz she was turning purple she beat you now come on pack that away neatly stupid box any what time's she going home Georgie hasn't even got here yet she's turning funny you know what I mean last time she came here she young her at on me and said hello to the old stand George is getting old that's why she's strange what is your excuse is daddy going to decorate my room as well no I don't think so why is he getting you wallpaper and I'm not oh boy it started already Jeffrey what oh good grief uh a phone and no not that this he's getting a bit j e a l u s j e a l o you thank you he wants new wallpaper too oh no oh no no no no no one room is enough come here look at me pained my hair oh yes I thought we'd agreed on eggshell finish I'll get it oh good afternoon Mr for I um I brought this uh train set for Tristram he's already got one yes I know this is it and uh George would like his tire back yes um I think you'd better speak to Anne she may understand you oh I see Arsenal one on Saturday Exel finish mommy says I can stir the paint for you fine um if you'd like to go no Tristan trist leave it alone can I come in dear oh hell little Mildred would you like a cup of coffee oh lovely um Tristan accidentally left this behind at our house kids do you know he turned up with a Tatty old Tire the other day oh fancy oh wallpaper yes for the baby's room oh you can get a decorator into do it probably but not until Jeffrey's finished doing it himself would you like a sardine and bacon sandwich all right all right hello hello hello yeah I see your Bells working this time hrey yeah what George oh is that what you call it yeah where's my MRI oh she's pop next door taking the train oh you're so lazy you young people well now are you glad to see me back I will be yeah how you keeping then oh I'm not long for this world oh good good yeah Dr McLaren wants to put my leg in a medical textbook book why and you got a book Mark he says there's only another leg like it in the old country and here I got that one as well put it away ah it's a sad thing when your body starts to wear out and your mind's still as sharp as ever umfrey George I didn't hear it now I'm George H isn't that a bit confusing she's here M hello Mother um how are you then I'm not long for this world yes well oh here I got a letter for you mild what came some weeks ago all the way from America America that's in the USA yes yeah uh mother it's already open opened yes I accidentally got it caught in the steam from the kettle yeah it's from one of your old boyfriends o she was a terror with the Yanks before she got stuck with you but Lee Kennedy yes from the air base you remember flight Sergeant oh lee you never went short when he was around nyin bananas chewing gble here was he the one with the crew cat no that was a tall one oh Ginger air no that was a one before what mustache no it's true how many of them were there I demand to see that letter mil George this is personal and private yes he wants to see her again he oh he's coming over here on business thought it would be nice to have a little reunion dinner at the doores next Saturday aren't you going to read it would do you think I need to thow away mild come on all right then George there you are you are a happily married woman uh yes George I am a married woman well now mother what was the weather like in dagnam it was all sunshine in those days yes dear I'm talking about now oh my Muriel was a beauty then yeah it wasn't always sunshine oh you're back did you take mother all the way to the station yeah she lost her teeth in the side car when we went over the Cobblestone Charming hey got to laugh ain't you H what are you doing I'm just looking through our own photographs George oh you're looking for that yank fellow aren't you Le what's name not really no I often have a look through I want to see that letter oh all right then go on all right miss m tremble that was my maiden name George I haven't been a tremble since I married you oh look yes this is the page look George 1940 uh well he's got a nerve hold on Mr a silly oh look oh there's a picture of all the girls that used to work with me at the canteen there's Kitty and Gladis Co six of us and 300 American Airmen w at the base and you used to work at it I didn't have to oh look that's it that's him that's Lee he's black oh D that's a negative no no look look that's him and and and and that's me next to him yeah well he won't be like that now probably fat and Bal not necessarily well let's face it mild the years haven't been kind you oh thank you I can still get into the same dresses mind you I have to I can't afford any new ones yeah well you're not the only one you know I've had a few flings in my time Gloria rumold oh Gloria rumbold I went out with her for 5 years you told me I was the first well you were for that sort of thing I mean those days a man had to respect a girl didn't he I mean this Le what name he was probably the same with you oh yeah quite yes are you you going to meet him well George um I don't know I I I haven't decided yet I'm your husband mild and I forbid it oh well dear of course that settles it I'm going right it's dinner time Obi there they are that's the way I'll say one thing for you good company well George Well what I went to the beauty parlor this afternoon oh yeah shut were they no George no I am not going to let you upset me not today yeah well the last couple of days you done what's that pong it's my new perfume it is called desire oh yes well it doesn't work miracles he Dar what are you done with your chest nothing you have sort of so that's where my socks went George I have bought a slightly padded bra I see you never bought slightly padded bra for me but you have this one when I finish with it I know what you're trying to do you're trying to make me jealous well it won't work I'm not jealous go off with this yank of yours enjoy yourself I don't care all right I will you're not going in oh now come on it's just a little social drink for Old Time sake I mean in the OD 20 years we've been married when was the last time I went out on me own our wedding anniversary dinner yeah and that was only because you wouldn't come with me yeah well there was a dce match on wouldn't there George the point is I don't make a habit of it now now I am going right I made not enjoy myself I may feel guilty I may spend the entire evening thinking of you sitting here all alone but I very much doubt it right we know where we stand we know where we stand what SS for the goose is another man's meat here somewhere ah yeah here it is right now then let's see ah yeah Gloria rumbled all right clap him 237 there 237 is she still there that is sometimes a bit oh hello oh oh oh uh could you tell me if Miss Gloria rumold is still at this address well that address yeah she is oh oh good well could I speak to oh uh well do you know when she might be back uh rer George rer yeah yeah I'm an old friend of hers yeah yeah we used to not her husband are you her mother oh oh sorry sorry sorry sorry yeah oh yes I could do that it's uh hold on it's a 171 2325 yeah did have you any idea when she might be back oh I see yeah right well bye-bye right one down none to go right so we set the points like this and we put the train at the station like this you see can I have a a turn in a minute in a minute set's pretty realistic these carriages are filthy want Drive the train what good God no he's a porter you'd have a strike on your hands lean him against the [Laughter] wall here we go there Tristram what's this tire doing under your bed that's not a tire it's a SP space station well what's this space station doing under your bed Mr O SWS with me for my training set he what well I think I'll draw three one two a whole right right well let's see what you need Mobi oh yeah a pair of tens yeah yeah well I'd stick with that if I were you yeah and possibly the ice right excuse me Mr rer oh come here son how could do with a bit of a friendly company yeah I have merely come to return this space station this tire Mr rer I have simply come to return this what yeah about time too uh do you want a beer what a beer and a bit of a friendly chat friendly you and me yeah that's right she down yeah well I mean after all you got to be neighborly aren't you there we are it I don't know women what so women what what about them well you give them the best years of your life and what happens first opportunity they go gallivanting off with another man I mean what happened to love and loyalty eh keeping thee only unto one another hello oh Gloria oh oh Gloria oh hello yeah you you got me a message then yeah uh George George yeah George rer r o p e rer yeah that's right yeah oh it's been a couple of years 1951 you know George George big shock of red hair yeah train pipes brothel creepers the car how you been keeping oh good good here listen uh are you doing anything tonight oh oh right well uh do you fancy coming out for F you know that Pub we used to meet in the ship and shovel oh good yeah well say 7:00 yeah uh oh well you what we could wear a flower in our button all yeah hey a tulip yeah right yeah uh 7:00 then yeah rer George rer yeah that's right right byebye Gloria wrong number yeah I can't keep you off go must stand here tatting to you all night see your own way out the doors at the top of the stairs [Music] yeah hey bman try Martini trist l no Olive okay oh excuse me make that too dry martinis H honey I'm looking for a friend you found one what's your name oh no no no you you don't understand you see Lee Ken well sit down Le Marvy Shoemaker from Chicago I'm in surgical appliances oh I am sorry oh dear oh oh lee Mildred oh oh and this is a mvin Shoemaker from Chicago hi the hell was it Mildred Mildred Roper knee tremble yes so you're married well um yes let's have a drink before we go in all right yes I booked a private room a private room [Music] oh you still got it you little devil no no I never mind married well and never seemed to be time you know what with the oil business and the banks the oil business and the banks oh yes Qui well fanc you remembering me after all these years oh those days at the base H those were the good days M yes I were got any gum Cham not on me oh no no you remember that's what we used to say oh yeah yes well anyway when I knew I was coming over I just had to hold this little reunion now you can call me an old fool if you like oh you're not old oh you're not a fool either no no I I must admit Lee that when I got your letter what I look like they starting to arrive is that gladus it is gladus oh you haven't changed a bit oh go I saw Kitty in the L she's tarting herself up for you great sit down M oh well I never all the old gang from the air base yeah I booked a private room just the 20 of us oh we're going to have lots of laughs tonight he yes same again is it s uh no not just for the moment um I'm waiting for a friend oh I don't know if you've seen her uh slim girl longest blonde hair quietly spoken doesn't ring a Bello hello hello like come Moran here tonight hello Grand Dad how's your belly off a spot J hello love evening laor come on Sid get your finger out large vodka coming up pH that's a relief doesn't half take it out of a girl working down the massage parlor never growing there you know so say matter of fact I'm waiting for a friend there's a lot of it about tonight that's what he just said it was there a minute ago hello George you're all back early yes you have a good time oh marvelous oh he was just as handsome as ever we had a private room candl light wine the two of you yes and 18 other people he invited half the base I'll see you well aren't you going to have a good laugh I wouldn't do that Mildred it must have been a big disappointment for you what well let's face it mild you life moves on you you can't go back at least we have each other may not be much but we got to make the best of it don't we is you me and Mobi against the world yeah oh George you um you fancy an early night M oh yes yes all let go right I did think of you tonight George really I thought of you mild I thought no one else did you really yes what oh it's for you George somebody waiting for you at the pub a Gloria rumold I'll give you Gloria [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] r [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] no [Music] sex chain Scout mistress tells of trampoline orgies with swinging vicker see page five all right page five page five George I've just finished this little why are you done with page five I've just cut out an item George something I thought we could both do together during The Long Winter evenings oh no no not with my back how to make a patchwork quilt oh that oh yeah um can I have a look at the other side M yes of course you can why boy boy oh disgusting oh I like to have a looked at that Patchwork quilt oh yeah are you going to sit around in your pajamas all day George why not it's Sunday six days out there labor on the seventh now should sit around in our pajamas William Shakespeare you do not labor George you live on the Dole haven't you any pride no well I don't work I'll get almost as much as I would if I did I'm pretty proud of that you're supposed to be the bread winner George you couldn't win a current bun listen little B I'm your husband and I demand a bit of respect oh well it's worth a try I will respect you George the day you get a job really well yeah well these days you need to be skilled or semiskilled or unskilled and then there's you yeah exactly well it's not my fault if I'm caught in the poverty trampoline I don't mean you poverty trap nice patch work quilt that get dressed I seem to have a bit of Batman's face here so so what is Batman doing in a painting by canaleta fighting crime perhaps my puzzles got mixed up yeah possibly yes don't do that darling I'll mustn't lift heavy weights that's no way to talk about my Yorkshire pudding and can we have the table clear please all right oh look here so no Rumble well you must take things easy darling don't spend so much time on your feet on my feet don't bother me out of sight out of [Music] mind oh excuse me oh come in mild oh oh you're not in the middle of eating lunch or anything are you no not yet I've got something in the oven I've just popped in to give you this it's a ma coat for the little one oh oh isn't it nice very nice oh just the right size too in the lounge good idea come on excuse me I've just got a fish Batman out of the Grand Canal do sit down down mild oh thank you love how are things oh fine fine no George still hasn't found a position to suit him well it's not easy these days well of course his AG is against him you see love and his face and his Manner and his oh God all right all right don't wear your finger out oh hello George oh my God H I'm for all we were passing we've just been to pick up the rolls yeah well we've eaten already I was referring to the car I'm afraid we've taken up several parking spaces yeah well I suppose you better come in look don't go on about it Ethel you know they haven't got two Krueger RS to R together M's not here she's in next door spends most of her time around there nowadays I'm not surprised can I hang up your coat love no not yet ah half past two cocktail cabinets open then hey George what oh yeah I told you you should to let me bring me home that sounds like Mildred now oh and loved her little Oh e oh what a surprise we were passing we've just been to pick leave it eth how are you then mild oh fine it's lovely to see you drinks George what drinks oh that's how it's done uh what you fancy then I'll have a tequila sunrise I drank nothing else when I was in Barbados last month oh yes well it must have been very hot if you were wearing that thing you've noticed can I hang it up now dear oh not yet it's Sable oh really George had a paintbrush like that once tequila Tequila No No George we're we're out a bit well you know it is on order but you know what the deliveries are like these days yeah well we ran out of everything else and all oh don't worry dear if we get really thirsty we've got some in the rolls listen we really came around to invite you two to dinner next Friday to see the new house oh yes we do owe you and I thought I'd get it in before the start of the social season uh Friday did you say F oh I just have to look it up dear now let me see um uh Friday oh oh it's a bit tricky to here yes no never mind I'll cancel a few things right right it is oh that's settled well you two fix up your holidays this year yet uh no dear no not yet no we uh we thought we would spend this year at home you know uh we enjoy it well you must do you spent last year at home as well didn't you and the year before now listen Ethel you may not notice but we cannot afford some of the things you can afford look no let me speak our circumstances may be humble yes money is not everything I don't quite follow that Humphrey he means he's still on the Dole you haven't found a position that's suitable that then George oh yes yes he's had quite a few offers but they uh they all involve work George how would you like to come into the business with me what well there' be no complaints am I to take that as some sort of compliment it's delicious an TR Meet Your Spinach I have you have not it's hidden behind that roast potato there's more of it now than there was when I started well um put a lump of gravy on it then you won't taste it slip on the tongue peace peace peace says that spinach watch your so who what Tristram if you finish go and clean your teeth all right I wish I could take them out like Mr R can teeth speaking of Mr rer I wasn't he's having a hard time finding work well he's unemployed isn't he who's going to give a job to a person like that well couldn't you find him something in your firm now I don't know what sort of job Humphrey has in mind for you George but I want you to take it oh I know nothing about wholesale aul well you'll soon pick it up I wouldn't touch it with a barge ball it's probably some sort of White Collar position I mean they don't put tripe in their inays yeah well he didn't actually promise me a job just said he'd see what he could do might well come to nothing you are deliberately going to fail this interview aren't you George no I should just behave naturally wow that'll do it if you'd like to take a seat Mr pomy won't be a few moments oh right what uh what you like to work for oh ever so nice flowers and your birthday box of chocolates sometimes he takes you out for a meal I to see a show oh I look forward to that you're uh you're his you're his secretary are you well I'm one of them he's got another one that does the typing the short attend in the filing and that what do you do then I show people into the office do you want a cup tea oh yeah [Laughter] right send in Lord muck Dear Sir or Madam well he sounds a weird One Acme travel agency Mr Mrs pomphrey first class of Jersey go jery begger trip and the European economic Community oh he's here is he we'll Buzz through in 5 minutes with an urgent appointment will you morning George morning morning I'm cigar oh sorry now listen I'll come straight to the point this is a pom's pure black pudding now then can you do that with it now never mind I've got 20 men in the packing Department doing that all day long now what I want is a worker oh well I'll go then a sit down sit down listen I'm only doing this CU your family now then there is one other vacancy I off here it's in the Sorting Department You' be separating liver lights kidneys brains Hearts intestines oh my God thing is I'm I do very well on the Social Security see well I mean I can't afford your fancy cars or even your Luxy trips to you know Jersey at the weekend but you and and Ethel I mean you just got back from Barbados and now you're off to Jersey well I mean I can't afford that of course that was Private George well no doubt we heard all about it on Friday from Ethel uh no you wouldn't and uh as a matter of fact I would uh appreciate it if you didn't mention it either well she must know she's going uh no she doesn't because she isn't if you if you must know I am taking my secretary well I mean it's purely business of course you know but well eel wouldn't believe it well I don't see why not I believe it oh if only I'd married you George T I made one for you to humps all right oh uh yes uh thank you Miss Miss Cooper just uh purely business eh yeah well yeah well I won't mention it on Friday of course oh that's a good lad on one [Laughter] condition well what happened uh well he withdrew his offer of a job M he what yeah he changed his mind said there was no vacancy I was I was bitterly disappointed I see I shall have a few words to say to him on Friday yeah that's right you give him L yes I will oh by the way I uh I brought you back a little present [Music] oh what a filthy day oh is it raining no I went for a quick stroll through the car wash did you have a good day otherwise rushed off our feet I never want see another semi 4 B2 recept fitted kit again who' be an a estate agent you're under staffed yes oh no oh no no no no don't start that again you need staff and Mr rer needs a job and he has no experience no references no qualifications no charm no personality he's a scruffy dresser he can't speak properly he is lazy shiftless unpunctual unemployable he scratches himself and picks his nose you don't like him do you I never said that I can read between the lines is that your final word yes is it yours no oh [Laughter] dear they don't make him like that anymore you know me you're right George they don't they certainly don't that is a hate of old [Laughter] rubbish Mrs and Mr rer we are expected ah bueno come on please thank please toess you what you C and your smash helmet thank you very much there we are yes it's wet it is a bit wet here isn't it yes it's rain yes it is is it oh that's nice isn't it George uh if you want them back I will be hanging in the cupboard to come out to me to you C see to come out yeah they have landed lovely to see you and George do sit want a drink yeah I thought you never asked I have a brown Na and Mildred must have a tequila sunrise oh lovely oh sit down right coming oh help yourself to the bits and pieces build up your strength for the walk to the dining room there's uh smoke salmon and caviar I'll have the blackberry jam that is caviar oh uh I see you've got a new chair well it was new when Lou the 14th bought it Humphrey likes one or two old things about the house yes well when n was getting any younger dear right there we are then Tequila Sunrise Brown out my pressure yours up now h no thanks I think I'll go and change you've already changed that was for afternoon tea now I'm going to change for dinner excuse me she could do with revolving doors on her wardrobe that one George was ever so [Laughter] disappointed disappointed when you didn't offer him the job oh uh yes well there was a reason for that oh yeah tell of the reason uh hrey uh yes well you see he's uh he's um yes I suppose he is right that's then do you mind if I use your l i'me oh yeah I'll show you where it is that's right now there down there ninth on the left it's got this is it on the door up fre I just happen to be going through your jacket pockets looking for fluff what are these ah first class tickets and hotel accommodation for Jersey next weekend yes well they can't be for us you are going to attend the aul Association conference in bootle next weekend yes I am yes you're quite right and I wouldn't miss it no uh no these are not for us as you said these are for uh for um for Mildred and George a surprise then why is it got Mr and Mrs pump free oh is it oh oh is a fool that travel agent um well uh because um I thought well look they haven't had a holiday for years you know and I thought well it's a charitable act from me and you charity from me to mil I like it let's give them to a r a surprise for you oh well I was thinking the poor deer's been looking tired and drawn lately and she can't afford a decent holiday so here oh well Jersey holiday for two first class or make a nice change for you oh no no no no we couldn't possibly all right I'll give them back to the travel agent now mild you are not to be proud if we weren't giving to you we'd be giving to oxan yeah Jersy I've never been there come it's it's almost abroad oh it must have cost you oh I don't know pounds and pounds and and bloody 30 still it's worth it just to see your face oh it's a lovely little island we flew over it on our way to Barbados last oh I see your toilet row holders got a new tune George look look look look oh I've never seen him before in me life no of course you have a George there for you yeah no no no no yeah I'm I'm not going to Jersey with your secretary MD's going what when you're secretary up I see excuse me Humphrey I would like a word I thought that was purely business you've got HRA now listen to me I can explain [Laughter] George that was the most embarrassing dinner party I've ever sat through George yeah lucky we had Stak came and Andy for his eye I mean that's what's wrong with men I mean they're never satisfied they're over sexed oh well the way we made mild not you George your trouble is an overactive mouth I mean we could have been in Jersey next weekend well you can't blame me oh yes I can you're nearest oh poor Ethel well she do very well out this R next time she comes here she'll be wearing two fur coats George you stay right there I haven't finished with you yet uh well I didn't want to go to Jersey anyway Mobi we'd have had to put you in kennels George it's Mr P mile oh BL that's all I need good evening um an has been nagging um has um has mentioned to me that you sit down now thank you that you are looking for a job oh he is yes he is well she would like to I would like to offer him one well it's got nothing to do with TR and kidneys is it no no it's in our advertising Department it's quite a heavy responsibility you'll be taking a lot on your shoulders he'll take [Laughter] [Music] it [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] a [Music] it is essential that spark PL bugs are kept fully inflated at the correct pressure inflated at the correct well that can't be right oh clean and adjusted yeah that's better careta careta uh careta no go those buses they get worse what are you doing oh I'm I'm stripping down the motorbik M well I'm I'm I best lace tablecloth yeah well I didn't want to scratch the plastic top what's wrong with using newspaper I haven't finished reading it yet oh oh look George it's it's really Ru it would it was a wedding present from my mother yeah well I didn't mean to now don't upset yourself oh there [Applause] there and it belong to her mother before her oh well as long as it wasn't you oh you fool I mean just look at my kitchen it looks as if an oil slickered at it right George I give in I mean I have tried to keep a nice house but you prefer a mess right I'll join you I can make a mess too that's childish no no yeah oh George I'm beginning to enjoy it that be stupid oh come on join in come on you try it oh you would sure or know wouldn't you now clear that mess them off my table please my can't M it's all laid out in order if I move things I won't know where to put them I could advise you yeah well anyway oh mild I I'll clean up just as soon as I finished really George I mean fancy stripping it down and laying it out on the kitchen table it's a thorough bread mild needs a bit of coatin well so do I but you've never won't leave it yeah well anyway made a sort of rattling sound every time I rode it rattle rattle rattle it went yes well that's to Red George your crash hel is too big for it right I wouldn't mind George but I mean you don't even know what you're doing yes I do rabbish the last time you forgot to put the saddle on there's still a dent on the garage roof right come on move now I'm going to take all this shopping round to ANS and while I'm away yeah you can pick up the sugar lumps are you sure sure you wouldn't like me to pack some sandwiches no no no I find a restaurant on the motorway I'm taking Egon Ron's Beggars can't be choosers guide you uh you will be all right on your own well you'll be home this evening and I promise I'll right what happens if you start if I start they'll hear me in Birmingham it's not due till Saturday I'm playing golf on Saturday have to cancel it I can't Jeffrey no the golf now I want to be present at the birth are you still sure about that yes we should both be present I haven't got much Choice you're not doing this out of a sense of Duty of course not well you didn't enjoy it when Tristan was born you'd never have got through it if I hadn't been there to hold your hand and I started this I want to be there at the finish right oh what a wait I got to Carri it around all day you're getting no sympathy from me oh uh look just in case anything does happen I've written down the phone number of the hospital the police and the fire brigade going to burst into flames Jeffrey you know who that'll be it'll be mother hen again I've got your eggs for you dear yes and and the rest of the shopping oh thanks no no no I Tak them through they're very heavy hello hello bye drive carefully I wonder I've got him some bigy pegs for his teeth I know it's a bit early but there was five PS off oh yes you should M oh well I'm not likely to have one of me owned here and well we've tried and tried and tried again oh well I've tried a fourth time any George got fed up oh and um I've got a little leaflet here for you it's about uh it's about a new milk formula ah well well I'll be feeding him myself oh yes but I mean Oh you mean with [Laughter] your yes well I'll keep George away I F TST myself it's as natural as walking left right left right yeah oh oh by the way dear I got the baby a little present the other day oh mild oh it's nothing it's just a little rattle and I left it in the saddle bag on George's motorbike a rattle what the matter nothing dear but I think I ought to get home quite soon now look you sure I can't help you anymore I mean uh has Tristan M his lunch well he's out in the back Garden playing Cricket oh W whoops oh dear or possibly football come here stupid stupid grommet come on in love that's it TR was having his lunch with us because an is putting her feet up oh yeah I have a question mild yeah does this ring a bell no George it rattles I've taken a back of pieces for nothing well it was coming of pieces anyway well stupid waste of time what are you doing now what oh uh doing a bit of fine tuning what was my little man like for lunch I cut the bacon doorsteps I am not interested in your disgusting taste I'm asking Tristram I'll have a couple of bacon doorsteps please I'll cut the crusts off owly thing won't fit uh I don't think it's supposed to go in there what according to the book this bit goes in uh here oh then this connects to that I think yes which means we can tighten up this bit spanner please oh yeah SP so this will go there oh yes I don't think we've got too many problems here oh any idea what you little brother or sister is going to be named day pardon my mom says when she's had this this one she's going to call it a day yes he's supposed to come on Saturday he'll be able to watch the multicolor Swap Shop oh definitely yes yeah here running sweet as and NES I and I did a good job of work there yeah With a Little Help from our friends H they don't make motor bikes like that anymore no it's against the law they're all Japanese these days we slightly lamps give me the good old British Norton or BSA 500 CC oh you knew you had something between your legs in now if we are oh Saved by the Bell hello oh hello love yeah yeah he's just finishing his lunch what oh uh right dear yes I'll be around in a sec bye uh George George I'm just popping next door oh whoops ni time to get this a sh over this son now they know all she spends more time around your place than she does here that's what my dad [Laughter] says oh that's another one go that's every 10 minutes uh should I go and boil some hot water or something oh not unless you want a cup of tea oh could take ages yeah should I phone Mr for mile well he's in Birmingham somewhere on business oh so they're just me here just me relax mild well there must be somebody I could phone a the fire brigade right no no no but you could let the hospital know I'm coming in all right what's the number uh it's on the hall stand oh right dear yes yes I I I'll do that right hospital hospital oh yes oh he wants a bit of cake miled and we haven't got any cake oh uh yes yes dear uh come on in we'll see what we can find that's it where's my mom she's upstairs there is she having another one another what lie down oh I want mind a big cake M stay there go through help yourself take all you like thanks why can't I have a bit of cake if he can have a bit of cake why can't I have a bit of cake be quiet be quiet sit down now Anne is upstairs having the baby oh my God I'm SS George it is up to you and I to help her if necessary we'll deliver it he I know nothing about delivering baby's mil anyway I was going to watch Rainbow on telly I need you here George now phone the hospital and tell them she's coming in mild but mild I'm no good at this sort of thing just dial than amama George get your finger in reception may I help you uh yeah yeah he started what has what the what's name the baby oh I see may I have the name please well then think they decided on it yet no your name mine oh mine yeah yeah it's a rer George Roper oh I see uh I assume your wife is booked in uh oh well hang on I don't know give mild what are you booked in not me you fool L she's booked in for Saturday oh yeah yeah she put in for Saturday in the name of Anne well Four Mile yeah oh yeah minute how often are the constructions coming every 10 minutes about 10 a minute oh no no every 10 minutes yeah oh that's fine you'd better bring her in oh yeah right M you had to bring her in right away I'm just off to watch rainbow hey there come for a mini cab oh God there's no Panic me when Tristram came he took ages yes I know but this is your second I mean it might know the way or something it won't Bon mild no it won't dear have you got a mini cab organized well George is doing that downstairs but I'll check for you love hello come on come on oh hello hello have you got a mini cab what no that's what I'm ringing you for George it's me yeah what you doing am to Weck mini cabs have you got a mini cab yet oh uh uh no not not just yet well keep trying he's trying love sit down dear that's it I've had all all love right I've got a bag packed yes well that's that's very wise dear oh Action Man yes tristam thought he'd keep me company a how sweet oh you mustn't forget this uh excuse me I I hope I'm not interrupting anything but I I've phoned all the local companies M George and he can't get a cab for about an hour or more oh dear an hour well there's only one thing for it you're going to have to drive an in but Jeffrey's got the car well I wasn't uh thinking about the car AR here we turn left to the next Crossroads what left [Music] yes you want to go through the park no straight there please gu a all ow thought so are you any good at mending punches Mr Rake The Gardener does it hurt having a baby uh no glove no well perhaps just a little bit you know is it worse than scraping your knee at football it's very similar yes uh have you got Mrs bun the baker's oven yes daddy managed to get away a bit early where's an he's having the baby what it's no worse than scraping your knee at football uh did you man to get a cab to the hospital uh no George has taken her in his motorbike ah [Music] what [Music] [Applause] right what's the story is there a fire is the wife having a baby or are we bury Sheen oh no oh men the punct see yeah yeah baby see what it um follow me right right here we are have you any idea how long you be I mean well I mean shall I hang around a bit you she didn't take it back I don't think so uh Mrs for oh yes maternity isn't it you don't miss much Mrs for mile sister yes nurse nurse nurse Mrs for mile W two well thank you very much wish me luck oh yeah good luck uh would you like to go and sit down I'll get you a cup of tea oh right here oh well I've got to get back you're looking at the husband you wouldn't think you had it in him would you [Music] [Music] he all right what's the story I'm having a baby oh there is a new answer my wife my wife's having a baby there's a lot of it about shouldn't you bought her with you [Laughter] sir I'm afraid there's no smoking oh oh oh yeah right actually uh actually while I'm here I wonder if you care to look at my knees it's very kind of you but no no no no no no no see it it doesn't bend the way it should which way does it Bend oh we see it get stiff in the cold weather yes yes she's in delivery now oh I see the husband wants to be present at the birth oh let's have him in or you'll miss the big moment yes yeah you see it's sort of a world it swells up like a balloon see especially oh oh yeah that was a very good cup of tea any chance of another one will you come along with me yeah right you uh do you know anything about KN uh not really I'm in maternity it's not pregnant is it well no no um you can roll your trouser leg down now you're not joining the Masons uh this what what what's this for exactly hygiene hygiene oh oh yeah oh well you can't be too careful can you uh any chance of a piece of cake maybe later now you are quite sure about this it's not too late to change your mind you know oh well perhaps a sausage roll going to drink me tea through this follow me such thing is carrying igene too far you know yeah but all the same you must yes oh my God excuse me Jeffrey forar pardon and Mrs former's husband oh yes can't see him anywhere you can you're looking at him but you're nothing like him I am where is my wife delivery room through there and darling how are you darling Oh that's better now where is my wife it's a boy they're both fine congratulations oh child he Dr a little for got my nose my chin oh don't worry they soon grow out of it he's an absolute puppet when's an going to bring him in oh in a minute she's just feeding him in the kitchen oh oh good I'll go and say hello George oh oh yeah no best not my one regret is that I wasn't present at the birth oh you didn't miss much believe me there he was leg yeah yes thank you George have you thought of a name for him one of or two yes oh the baby yes oh uh we were thinking of tarquin or perigrine what Sher went down the wrough way oh there he is oh you should see what mom's been doing can't we afford to buy real food oh isn't he sweet supp bit like a prune I was just saying darling um Tarin or perigrine well I've had a thought about that Jeffrey you know how helpful Mr rope has been well I mean if it hadn't been for him how' you feel about calling him [Music] [Applause] [Music] George [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] w [Music] here we are then time for little drinkies oh you've got a new Leaf oh who's growing into a lovely big boy then now why can't you grow like that you are just not trying you're supposed to talk to him not nag him some plants need firmer handling George Now where's that cane That's right give it a good iding oh I'm just giving it little extra support now this is the lazy one it just flops around and it doesn't try I call it George mild where's the spare crash helmet of mine the old one uh it's for me dead yes uh quite oh you don't really need it do you well it be on the pan yes of course oh all right then I suppose I just have to repot it oh that's nice isn't it you're sticking plants into anything that doesn't move yes so don't fall asleep with your mouth open right now when are you collecting him 2:00 at the house but I thought they were knocking the house down well not till he's out no oh well I suppose they know what they're doing a bit of a tragedy really is it when you're old and useless and nobody wants you I want you George not me me dad nobody wants him oh you're exaggerating no I'm not I don't want him for a start are you no but there's your brothers and sisters I wouldn't mind betting mild I'm the only one that's there all right well say bye-bye to your out yes here you see that brick wall they knocking down over there yeah I First Met Your Mother up against that wall don't you think of the past dad why not there's more rob it much future for me though is it that's true seven kids we brought up in that ass four boys two girls and you get on the back yeah all right CH where this [Laughter] de here I left half found away the coal in the bath might leave it they got Central eating at the old folks home they old time oh he PR in the pram oh I'm dying to see him again well you saw him this morning yes I know but they grow so fast can't we change the subject we're always talking about the baby uh yes he's lost interest since he realized it can't play football and I am trying to work here you know whoops he does doesn't have to do homework then what he's got to cry about oh no dear quiet have you decided on a name for him yet oh well we thought of twiin and perin oh and George of course I think I'll go and finish this in the lounge I think he's suffering from postal depression no we have to find a name for the baby soon otherwise he'll grow up answering to coochie coochie yes and hello Mrs roer you know the 12:00 feed I think it's just worked its way through oh who was a clever little boy then Gucci gu gu gu or um whatever you are going to call him I think I'll just go and bail out the pr oh a lovely baby ay ah yes yes very nice very nice nice and homely not like a home you like it here Dad you'll really be able to oh God come on in dad he George I don't like this place here it's got a big wall right around it yeah well that's the keep people out see anyway look on the bright side you won't be here that long not your age Mr rer isn't it oh that's welcome to Twilights now come with me and I'll show you your room he's the one you want hey Dad go with him don't let him take me George I don't want to be locked up oh dear me it's not like that Mr rer you're free to come and go oh well I'm going he's a he's he's a bit nervous see no need to be there's jelly and custard PE jelly and custard well that makes a difference doesn't it jelly and custard what do you think I am a bleeding kid oh it's quite all right Mr Roper now you'll soon settle in honestly let me take don't you touch that you've got one of the nicest Garden rooms and and you'll be sharing it with someone just your own age yeah what she like well you'll be fine you'll soon forget there's an outside world I'm sure your son will visit you every week well I don't know about that just Sly bus ride well by the way You' be needing these These are his Sunday [Music] teeth [Music] [Laughter] and let me hold him today and burp him my word he did give a big one you always tell me off when I do that and then he said goo oh plain as anything goo goo no it's not quite as cute when you say it you're not at all worried about my father are you you haven't once asked how he was this afternoon how was he don't ask poor old devil I owe him everything you know what I am today still we mustn't bear grudges now look now he's old what happens thrown on the rubbish dump but you said you taking them to the old folks home well same thing he won't like it there mild they're making bath I me it wouldn't happen in China in China they look after old people well send them there George I mean you never liked him he used to take his belt to you that was his way of showing Love by buting you around the house yeah well he couldn't find the words oh look stop worrying about him I mean old age comes to all of us you know how about an early night no m a bit tired mind you it comes to some of us sooner than others good night all right all right oh BL me 10 7 hello George can I come in dad what the well they slung me out from there and I got nowhere to go why what you been do have you been chasing old women no no go go who is it what it's me Dad he's escaped what I'm So Pro drop a brandy wouldn't go down too bad oh what anything on the Telly you there now look Mr R oh hello love hello deck why aren't you at the old folks home they slung me out but why well maybe because I didn't need all my jelly and custard when me too find up do it yeah but you haven't been there 24 hours you must have done something no I didn't do nothing nothing well well just a little bit of fun that was all what was well I took the end break off found Mrs Tyler's wheelchair and I went straight into the [Laughter] pudus no not yeah well she snitched on me for smoking in the bathroom well how did she find out well she was in the bath and I didn't I didn't know she was in the bath when I went in there good God just get him out of those clothes I I'll go and find the H right come on on Dad all right this way good morning Twilights good morning this is mild roer here um I'm phoning about my father-in-law oh yes yeah I uh understand you slung him um you uh you asked him to leave we did No Such Thing Mrs roer he left of his own accord we wouldn't allow him to keep a pet a pet a common old Budgy is provided in the restroom and they can take it in turns feeding it but we certainly cannot allow him to keep a feret I mean of course you could a feret he smuggled it in in a basket when he arrived yes uh would you mind holding on for a minute yes a feret yes and it's bit the housekeeper and that is against the rules yes quite but you know when he take him back I mean without his pet I mean well all right but he must make up his mind quickly we do have a waiting list yes of course yes we'll I see to it right away all right [Laughter] no I'm not going to part with my Percy he's been like a son to me he has this fet yeah but Dad no no I've had him for years he's the best R in acne but don't open it list no Dam we'll take it to the vet have it put down oh why don't you take me to the vent and have me put down while you're about it oh there's a thought fine way for my only child to treat me I'm not your only child yeah but you're the only one what to have me who said I have you can't stay here oh I see and what would your mother say to that and her ugly cold in her grave well it must have Central eating then she' been in it 20 years it's no use I can't eat anymore I'm not surprised your Plate's empty I don't feel well walking about and all let rain I think I already to go up to bed yeah I tell you what you have a lie down in the spare room dad we'll sort this out when you're feeling better all right son yeah come on there right there you go here you won't let nothing happen to p no no no no course you go up the stairs here that's right there's a way all right listen to me George that evil little animal is going to stay in the garage not why he's got a cold m not that one that one and don't think your father is going to worm his way into this house George if he stays I go [Music] oh oh dad wake up dad wake up come on come on it's up 5 you've been asleep all day it's flu yeah wait that's when you're enjoying yourself it it might be pneumonia George yeah well listen M press your souit see so you drink the soup and I'll take you back no no I can't I can't eat anything son here it might be what took your mother off here one minute the next minute gone oh come on dad you live to be over 70 oh I'm over 70 now son see what did I tell you come on now you eat the soup see no no no no you listen to me son listen listen if anything does happen I want you to have my fob watch oh come dve no no no no you're the only one what stood by me son and it's goldplated half hter there's the porn ticket well is he ready to go well he might be that's what's worrying me he won't eat anything mild he's coughing and splattering up there I don't think he's fit to be moved uh-huh it hasn't crossed your mind you might be uh putting it on a bit well of course he is but that doesn't mean he's not ill all right then I'll send for the doctor see what he says oh it's a good idea but by the way he wants me to pop out and get something for his chest but the chemist shut I know but the pub isn't he wants milk stout of course in that one he's 10 days old um well I've got one here where he's 11 days old uh ah here it is uh uh 11 days old look he's smiling yes you showed it to me yesterday dear and the day before H well look I've got to some here that you haven't seen oh have a milk out please to take away and oh and a half a pint make that a whiskey on me hey well we got to wet the baby's head have I shown you these photographs oh God make it a large one oh thank you for coming doctor I do hope I'm not wasting your time that's quite all right is he running a temperature at all well it's a bit difficult to say I'm I've only got a meat thermometer and uh according to that he's uh medium [Laughter] rare oh good because I know how busy you must be in it oh you see at his age the slightest thing could see him off quite now there he is in his pram oh yeah very nice what would he be able to moving you see having his home knocked down oh same again please oh very sad oh look there he is in the bar yeah very nice our ry's lost the will to live hello the gay Gordon here uh could you tell me please is is Mr rer there George rer oh thank you Gordon I just s to hear you know might have taken his father Yes but if you check him down let me know now if you excuse me I have another patient to see but when I say another patient I I'll let myself out yes all right I'm I do apolog George M yes it's about your father he's gone gone yes well I was with the doctor we went upstairs and he'd gone me dad he's passed away uh there he is in the park George oh there's a bit nippy out there isn't it what a bit nippy where have you been well i' I've been down the garage feeding my fet you are supposed to be ill oh yes I don't think I can get up to bed on me own he's faking an I know he is and George is fooled well old people can be difficult come on tea time put that space gone away all right mommy bought me this today it atomizes people yes D it's bribery and Corruption really every time we buy the baby something we buy him something yes and I'm beginning to like him a bit kid old age pensioners mild mild [Music] [Laughter] so it finally happened then old fell you won't be needing the milk stout waste of money really still I expect they'll have some up there or down there wherever you're gone it's funny really is it we never really sat down and had a talk together you and me oh well that's life I suppose if you pardon the expression I wasn't always a good son to you Dad I was the one who put frogs in your Wellies when you weren't looking I put EPs and salts in your tea still I meant no arm I'll tell you one thing you see Mom again you won't like that oh [Laughter] well rest in peace oh sh I've oh I've had a fright of me life what you said the old fool are gone what he heard he was out in the garage oh truth oh dear I felt the air stand up on me head well all three of them he wasn't dead he wasn't even sick he got up and swiped me one what for oh well something you do about Wellies and and well it happened a long time ago it's no use arguing M he'll have to go back to the home I know George but they won't take him with his ferret oh truth here listen yeah perhaps we can send it to the fasy dogs home they might not notice St be ridiculous well perhaps they got FY Fair home you never know oh hello Mr for mile hello um I'm sorry to intrude I know this must be a very sad time for you it is there's nothing wrong with him oh uh well um I understand that you your father used to own a ferret used to uh yes it ran out of the garage as I was driving up I I couldn't stop in time oh well I don't know what you're talking about George oh yeah I can't say how sorry I am yeah well poor old Percy still I expect it was quick oh very quick couldn't have been quicker I I don't know if um well how much do ferrets cost these days no you please Mr former quite right now me and Manny cannot replace a loved one uh no no please just leave us alone with our greef well I think that solves the problem ild yes George well he ought to be locked up going around running over innocent poor little ferrets it was an accident dad you must have left the basket open no I didn't it doesn't mean you go back to the own with no argument you soon settle in again good company good food yeah they won't be putting EP and salts in me to NE well it's been lovely having you here for a visit and you you must do it again next year oh now there's your taxi right well this is it then Dad yeah and I want my goldplated half hter back but oh yeah right yes there you are then and you uh well you mustn't think that this is goodbye Dad think of it as um well um goodbye George Mr four miles got something for your father I know it can't possibly make a m but I felt it was the least I could do I'm told its name is Fred well isn't that nice no look I'm not they won't take me back now George oh [Music] [Applause] [Music] go [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause]

Channel: In2Movies

Views: 110,640

Keywords: george & mildred, george and mildred, george & mildred full episodes, yootha joyce, brian murphy, british comedy, british sitcom, funniest tv shows, sitcoms, funny tv shows, classic sitcom, comedy show, funniest tv series, 1970s tv shows, comedy tv show, comedy, full episodes, humour, funny old british sitcom

Id: 0hVusTh9fpA

Length: 142min 41sec (8561 seconds)

Published: Sat Jan 13 2024