<i> ( APPLAUSE )</i>
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! WELCOME BACK TO THE SHOW! FOLKS, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
WHEN LAST WE LEFT OUR HERO, I WAS ABOUT TO ENTER MILWAUKEE'S
FAMOUS SAUSAGE RACE. WHAT IS A SAUSAGE RACE, YOU ASK? WELL, SURPRISINGLY, IT'S
EXACTLY WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE. JIM? >> ALL RIGHT, FANS, TIME NOW FOR
THE JOHNSON VM FAMOUS SAUSAGE RACE. >> Stephen: FOR ALMOST 30
YERSZ, THE ICONIC MILWAUKEE BREWERS' SAUSAGE RACE HAS BEEN
DELIGHTING BREWERS FANS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SIXTH INNING OF
EVERY HOME GAME. THE BRAUTWURST, THE ITALIAN
SAUSAGE, THE POLAND SAUSAGE, AND THE HOT DOG FACE OFF IN AN
ALL-OUT COMPETITION OF SPEED, AGILITY, AND MANY TIMES NEITHER. >> DOWN GOES FRAZIER! ♪ ♪ ♪
>> A LITTLE TOP HEAVY. THAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN. >> Stephen: IT'S SO POPULAR,
THERE'S EVEN A MINI-SAUSAGE RACE FOR KIDS ON SUNDAYS. >> IT'S GOING TO BE THE POLISH
SAUSAGE AT THE WIRE. >> Stephen: IF I WAS GOING TO
HAVE ANY SHOT AT WINNING, I NEEDED PROFESSIONAL ADVICE. PAT, YOU'RE THE GUY I NEED TO
TALK TO. YOU HAVE THE FRONT-ROW SEAT FOR
ALL THE GREAT SAUSAGE RACES. I HAVE TO BELIEVE YOU HAVE SEEN
ALL THE GREATS? >> I HAVE. >> Stephen: WHAT DO I DO? >> DON'T BEAT. >>
>> HAS HE EVER WON? >> HE DOESN'T WIN. >> Stephen: I'M SET TO BE THE
HOT DOG. >> I THINK YOU HAVE A SHOT. >> Stephen: IS IT LEGAL TO
SQUIRT MUSTARD IN MY OPPONENT'S EYES. >> THIS IS A STRATEGY, AND I WAS
HOPING YOU WOULD GET TO THIS. THEY ARE GOING TO SAY, "ON YOUR
MARK, GET SET, GO." AND I THINK YOU SHOULD, "ON YOUR
MARK, GE--" >> Stephen: JUST GO FOR IT. >> THEY'RE NOT GOING TO STOP THE
SAUSAGE RACE JUST GO. LET'S DEMONSTRATE. I'M RIGHT NEXT TO YOU. DON'T GO THAT FAST. SLOW MOTION. AND I'M COMING. NO, NO, NO, NO. >> Stephen: NO? >> YOU GOTTA LEARN THIS QUICK. WE DON'T HAVE MUCH TIME. >> Stephen: YOU BE ME. I'M COMING UP ON YOU. >> YOU'RE COMING TO PASS ME. AND, SEE, I DON'T BREAK STRIDE. WHOOSH! >> Stephen: LIKE THAT. >> EXACTLY, EXACTLY. >> Stephen: THEN--
>> DON'T DO THAT? DON'T DO THAT. >> DOUBLE GUNS, BABY! WITH THAT SOUND ADVICE IN HAND
MY NEXT STOP WAS BREWER'S STAR PITCHER, BRETT SOUTER. I NEED SOME ADVICE, ATHLETE TO
ATHLETE, HOW DO YOU PREPARE FOR A BIG GAME? THIS IS AS CLOSE AS I'LL EVER
GET TO PLAYING A PROFESSIONAL SPORT. >> ARE YOU INTO MEDITATION AT
ALL. >> Stephen: 100%, I LOVE
SLEEPING. >> FOCUS ON THE BREATH. >> Stephen: SO BREATHE? >> YES, CLEAR OUT ALL THE BAD
THOUGHTS AND DO YOUR BEST NOT TO FOCUS ON WHAT COULD HAPPEN WITH
THE FALL. JUST DO YOUR BEST. I'M GOING TO THE ROPE. I'M GOING TO THE ROPE. I'M FINISHING. I'M STAYING ON MY FEET. >> Stephen: NOW IT CITIES AND
TOWNS LIKE YOU'RE TRYING TO GET INTO THE SQUIRREL CAGE. BRENT TOOK ME OUT TO THE TRACK
SO I COULD VISUALIZE THE COURSE. I'M GOING TO COME AROUND THIS
CORNER LIKE A FORMULA ONE RACE CAR. >> YES. >> Stephen: OKAY, I'M GOING TO
DRIFT AROUND THIS CORONER? >> VISUALIZE IT, SEE IS
HAPPENING. >> Stephen: BRENT TAUGHT ME
HOW TO STRETCH OUT THE OLD HAMMY. >> WE CALL THEM HEEL TOUCHES. >> Stephen: LIKE THAT? >> YUP, YUP. YOU KNOW IT. BOOM. ♪ ♪ ♪
MAN, YOU'RE FLEXIBLE. >> Stephen: I HAVE REAL OPEN
HIMSELF. YEAH, I'LL FULLY DILATED. I'M GETTING KIND OF TIRED AT
THIS POINT. >> THAT'S PERFECT. YOU'RE IN A GOOD SPOT. >> Stephen: ARE YOU SWEATING
THIS HARD JUST STRETCHING. TWO TIMES. >> HE'S READY, CHAMPION COMING
AT YOU, STEPHEN COLBERT, HOT DOG. HE'S READY. >> Stephen: OKAY! WITH THAT I JUST HAD TO MAKE IT
THROUGH SIX INNINGS OF BASEBALL AND A LOT OF BEER AND SAUSAGE,
AND IT WAS TIME TO PUT ON MY CASING. ♪ ♪ ♪
( BELL RINGS ). >> Stephen: THIS IS THE MOMENT
I HAD BEEN TRAINING FOR. >> IT'S TIME FOR THE
JOHNSONVILLE FAMOUS RACING SAUSAGE RACE. ♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: THAT'S ME, NUMBER 4. >> ALL RIGHT, SAUSAGES, ON YOUR
MARK, GET SET, GO! >> Stephen: WATCH ME ROCK IT
OFF THE STARTING BLOCKS. AND... THERE I GO! <i> ( APPLAUSE )</i>
♪ ♪ ♪ ( PANTING )
BEFORE I EVEN REACHED THE FINISH LINE, I DEMANDED A REMATCH. THIS WASN'T FAIR. EVIDENCE A 57-YEAR-OLD MAN. THESE PEOPLE WERE ALL SO YOUNG! OR MAYBE NOT YOUNG ENOUGH. >> THERE HE IS, THE FIRST ADULT
TO RUN IN THE MINI-SAUSAGE RACE. ♪ ♪ ♪
ON YOUR MARK, GET SET, GO! ♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: I DIDN'T TAKE THE
GOLD, BUT I DID MANAGE TO OUTRUN A FOUR-YEAR-OLD. BUT FOR SOME REASON, THE CROWD
WAS STILL AGAINST ME. I WAS OUT OF BREATH AND OUT OF
SHAPE, BUT NOT OUT OF THE GAME. THIS HOT DOG HAD ONE LAST TRICK
UP HIS BUN. WHEN ALL ELSE FAILS, PANDER. >> PLEASE JOIN THE BREWERS IN
WELCOMING STEPHEN COLBERT! ( BOOING )
>> FEELS LIKE A ZEALUOUS CAESAR MOMENT RIGHT HERE. >> I THINK THEY MIGHT STORM HIM. >> Stephen: HELLO, MILWAUKEE. I AM STEPHEN COLBERT, AND I AM
SORRY! ( BOOING )
ON MY SHOW LAST YEAR I TOLD SOME JOKES ABOUT THIS BEAUTIFUL CITY,
BUT I'VE COME TO REALIZE THAT MILWAUKEE IS NO JOKE. FROM NOW ON, THE ONLY MILWAUKEE
JOKE I'M GOING TO MAKE IS KNOCK, KNOCK. >> WHO'S THERE! >> Stephen: THE GREATEST CITY
IN THE WORLD! <i> ( CHEERING )</i>
MILWAUKEE IS FILLED WITH BOISTEROUS ENERGY AND QUIET
DIGNITY, CITIZENS THAT ENJOY RELAXING ON THE SHORES OF
BEAUTIFUL LAKE MICHIGAN AND POUNDING BEERS AT A STADIUM
PARKING LOT. A CITY KIND ENOUGH TO INVETE ME
TO TAKE PART IN YOUR ANCIENT TRADITION KNOWN AS THE SAUSAGE
RACE. EITHER A TERRIFIC HONOR OR AN
ELABORATE PRANK TO GET ME TO DRESS UP AS A HOT DOG. CARDS ON THE TABLE, CARDS ON THE
TABLE-- I LIVED IN CHICAGO FOR 11 YEARS
( BOOING ) SO I'M A FAN OF THE CUBBIES, BUT
I'M AN EVEN BIGGER FAN OF GETTING PEOPLE TO LIKE ME. SO WITH THAT IN MIND, CUBBIES
SUCK! GO, BREWERS! BUCS IN SIX! I MAY HAVE COME IN LAST ON THE
TRACK, BUT IN THE SAUCE ANNUAL RACE WE CALL LIFE, I WAS THE
WEINER. THANK YOU, MILWAUKEE. <i> ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )</i>
THANK YOU, MILWAUKEE! AND GOOD LUCK TO THE BREWERS. I'M SURE YOU'LL DO BETTER IN THE
PLAYOFFS THAN I DID IN A HOT DOG COSTUME. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH STAR OF
THE EXTRAORDINARY NEW SCIENCE FICTION EPIC FILM, "DUNE,"
REBECCA FERGUSON. ♪ ♪ ♪
This story is old news but I love Colbert. People can like what they want but he put his money where his mouth is and apologized along with actually doing something. He has yet to disappoint me.
This was really fun to watch.
The first part: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W83M5egp1is