Okay it's 2:30 and i'm here to foil Eggman's and hello urban me? And, hello? Urban me? Woah... What is this? Who am I? You are, um... Uhh... You know, actually, I have no idea. Have you seen Dr. Eggman around- What is this thing? Oh, hoah, woah, hello there Um, hey now, that's a gun... And why don't you give that to me, and we'll just put that somewhere far away. Who did this to me? Who did what? Painted racing stripes on you? No clue. I'm still kinda freaked out by the fact that you look a lot like me. What is my purpose in life? You know, these are really revealing questions, buddy. Why don't we-... Are you serious? He's got my super sonic speed too? like metal sonic So I think we got off on the wrong foot. Why don't we start over? Hi! I'm Sonic, and I'm the world's fastest-... I don't know who I am! We've established that already. I'm just here because I need to find Eggman. Who the hell is Eggman, who the hell am I, and what the hell do I do with this thing?! You give it to me! Jeez, how many guns do you have already? And you're going to-... Somebody give me answers! im think he need to go to school Okay, so, since you're new here, let me introduce you to some people. This is Tails- Hey Tails! Not quite the chatterbox there, is he? Oh jeez... It's just a picture of-... No, no! I-I get it! I'm shy around new people too. Okay then... So, why do we call him Tails? Gee, I don't know! Why don't we take a closer look at the picture! Ah! It's because he's wearing gloves! Um, no, we're all wearing gloves. Look, you're wearing gloves too. Gracious me, Tails is a magician!! *sigh* Moving on! This is Knuckles. He's an echidna. So, uh, you mean like that Spanish food? That's an enchilada. Oh. Well, if it's an enchilada, then you said it wrong the first time. No, I mean, urgh! Why are there spiky needle thingies on his gloves? I want spiky needle thingies on my gloves. Oh! Well that's what makes Knuckles the echidna. That's what makes him a Mexican? He's not a Mexican! You said enchilada wrong. Again. Urghh! (Sonic) This is rogue- BOOBZ (Sonic) Agh! Moving on (Sonic) And this is Dr. Eggman Father? WHAHA WHOA WHOA WAT? (Deep "Batman" voice) Hes my father! hes responsible for all of this! We are not going to talk about Genetics until next week My memory loss... everything... he did all of this to me...I remember now. He gave me all the guns... The motorcycle. Why would he give you a Motorcycle? All of the memories... You can still run at lightning fast speed! and he'll pay... HE'LL PAY FOR WHAT HE DID TO ME! I'LL DESTROY HIM! ILL FIND A WAY TO RIP HIS HEART OUT OF HIS BEATING CHEST Wait wait wait his chest beats? and this thing (Sonic gasps so intensly)That's the chaos emerald! BE CAREFUL WITH THAT! here I know- give that to me... ONLY I CAN WELD ITS POWER ONLY "I" CAN WELD IT- Ill let you look at Rogue again... Eh? (Shadow) Worth it :) for sure what sarcasm what's our cousin you're about to find out hold on shadow I'd like you to ask me if I have five hands but I already know that you don't have five hands I know but just ask me Sonic why do you have five because I feel like it you twit whoa whoa what the hell no you don't I know I don't that was sarcasm huh so sarcasm is alive no wait what that was sarcasm too- what was sarcasm when you say something sarcastically you lie in an obvious way so it isn't lying so I without lying hey there you go now you've got it okay so let's try an example shadow do you have five hands I uh just focus.. Oh I have five hands all for working the farm with my cousins but it gets difficult at sundown I had to kill a coyote last week he was threatening my horse it had to be done I don't regret anything with the nightmares every day I wake up and feel like I have blood on my hands. all five of them saddness back story ever okay no that was just lying it's okay though we'll try again try it like this when people are sarcastic it's normally because they're being asked a question that the person asking should already know the answer to I obviously know you only have two hands so when I ask if you have five you belittle me by acting as if you do have five hands you're marking me okay so here we go shadow do you have five hands you're fat and homeless no that was just belittlement your mother didn't want you after the evening of your conception your father bound to never never touch a woman again this isn't sarcasm you're just insulting me you hate bananas I don't even know what you're talking about now oh why can't I understand this look just hold on we'll try a different example ask me what day of the week it is it's Tuesday I know it's Tuesday and you know it's Tuesday so ask me what day of the week it is Sonic what day of the week is it it's Friday hey shadow where are you going I don't have lessons on Friday huh I know it's not Friday I was being sarcastic of course it's Tuesday duh make up your mind you sorcerer her the thing about sarcasm is that it's a lie that reveals truth come on oh why didn't you just say so there that that that was sarcasm you did it so can i defeat Eggman now well now now Eggman sarcasm will be the instrument to your destruction I don't know why I'm doing this so what's your game plan here Eggman is gonna say shadow I had no idea you were this powerful I'm quaking and then I'm gonna say powerful but I'm weak I'm so so Rican and then after that I'm gonna kick him in the eye and it'll say ah my eye your feet have found my only weakness my corneas and then I'll say I'm sad because I'm hurting you it's sarcasm see okay and what if he doesn't say those things no he will he has to because otherwise I can't kill him all right so let me get this straight so he's going to willingly follow this plan of yours that he doesn't even know of so that you can murder him yes are you being sarcastic yes you need to know more about your enemy about what you're up against what are you gonna do with Eggman has a robot army kill Eggman okay but what about the robot army they can help kill Eggman do you even understand how much sense that doesn't make there is up ahead oh no and what did we learn from our last adventure skin melts and hair burns and it lands a douche bag alright shadow like I said before you need to know more about your enemy before you face off with him and shadow you don't know anything about your enemy you have a very basic understanding of how the world works in general so today we're gonna talk about lava yes lava today is going to be also nonono it says love today we're gonna talk about love is it painful it can be can I use it to my advantage umm sure that's possible will it keep my enemies up at night drowning them in sorrow and loneliness most likely great sounds awful let's get to it love is when you have an ultimate desire to have and hold something physically and emotionally for the rest of your life because it becomes necessary to your happiness what the fuck no that is completely in the wrong direction no no when you love something or someone if they don't love you back it feels as if your world is being stripped away from you but the world isn't being stripped away from you you're perfectly fine you just don't realize it it's it's more complicated than that um oh okay remember rogue mm okay yeah anyway you have an attraction a rogue that attraction can develop and become something more each and every passing moment of each and every passing day so you're saying I'll eventually notice her face and no on a deeper level her liver you fall in love with her okay I'm trying to say that eventually you get so used to the idea that she's the only thing in your life that could sustain your happiness that you need her so what do you do if she doesn't need you back puncture right in the face no no no no you can under no circumstances can you dick no you cannot physically harm her okay I know how to apply this I know how to use love to my advantage Eggman I am in love with you I don't try to fight it Eggman you can't shake me off I have a passion to be yours forever I don't ever have no one to blame but your own breasts nothing could ever separate me from you not lava not big guns maybe someday I'll be able to see your liver and all love that too but I'm willing to take it one day at a time all you have to do is back it's not difficult just fall in love with me right now shout out give me your heart I'll give you the world you complete me you add me when hey I know I don't die I don't need love so we're dating now right now well good stay out of my life we can never be a couple because you will never be good enough for me I have dreams and I was a fool to let my standards drop for someone with such an oblong body shape shadow are you Han so I broke up with him and he was quite heartbroken now his defenses are weak and I shall plunge a dagger into his forehead sooner than I had originally anticipated oh and by the way what does the word K mean meens it a men love another one or a girl love anoyher girl this is gay Lulu Lulu sorry sorry sorry jeez what sana what what do you want it's Tuesday Oh oh right we have your lessons on Tuesday I need knowledge give it to me well hold on hold on you kind of caught me off guard here I don't know what to teach you well what are those these are my headphones can you say headphones or don't believe you hey sonic sorry I'm late I had to take what you want don't shoot me what me I'm sorry I won't walk around learning more I just whoa whoa whoa tails chill out shadows not gonna hurt any wait were you being racist no of course um you totally were you were totally just being racist what is racist racism is when you make negative judgments about someone based on their race or skin color judgments like what I don't have a job you don't have a case I don't have that either you're bent on the destruction of basic morality sure I could go for that now you're always packing heat oh okay not the best example but racism is wrong shadow a rationally thinking person can't afford to be racist I I can't afford anything does that mean I'm rationally thinking no it means her plight on society I will not degress into your stereotypes I'm hungry are you hungry yeah sure don't worry I'm buying so I was thinking I know we're making a lot of progress and all but I might get a new teacher oh yeah yeah these burgers are delicious waiter more burgers motherfucker ok just dont shout me okey you know he'll come back I can't believe I lost him you never worked to great with a shadow wasn't a pet tails it was a living breathing being just as equal as you and I he was Marcus Lee do you think he's happy wherever well it's probable that he's dead somewhere considering he has no memory and no basic understanding of how people work so I wouldn't worry about if he's happy or not better why do we hang out yeah yeah we have not moved for three weeks and all you've taught me is how to starve to death Oh breathe hey can we play a game one then isn't fishing well sure look there promise you that you'll enjoy it let's pretend that I'm a mad scientist you'll need some ice cream what it helps keep way too bad and bring Gina happy what whatever and I created a machine of incredible power that is out to kill me what would my weakness be the Sun the Sun no melt away the ice cream because the son hates ice cream the Sun could be awfully prejudiced okay wait how about if I asked you what you would do to defeat a very evil man whoa let me demonstrate let us pretend that this god is your enemy reprove let us pretend that your enemy has now been asphyxiated and crushed wow that really worked that cat is really dead yes but let us pretend he is alive why don't you do very well with you so what else can you teach me ssssssssssssssssstrooooooooogng Wow at the expense of that small village you've really taught me a lot your return towards this you know absolutely if you'll excuse me I have to go defeat my greatest enemy loose ball revolution let's do my hair for you robot for dammit there's no screens oh this isn't working I'll find someone new someone who will really teach me what I need to know your new teacher has found you my friend wair what concentrate I am imagine a cool winter breeze flapping across the way there is a cool winter breeze flapping against my hair it's freakin freezing up here just let yourself so explain what metaphorically speaking means again shadow if you wish to defeat the Eggman it's just Eggman he's not the Batman it's not the Batman it's just admin some people call Batman the bat Yeah right before they get their asses kicked because that pisses him off pay attention shadow if you wish to defeat your enemy you must discover yourself I'm trying I'm doing all I can to learn everything I can speaking of learning I'm speaking of discovery of Epiphany of a revelation you must strip yourself of everything you know and give every moment you make clear to find purpose even if you don't know what that purpose is you must exist as if you want the wind and in that you will become the wind you must flow like water breaching a dam and you will control that kind of power you must think slowly into the earth you're not listening are you when you said strip I started thinking of rogue we will try hypnosis then to get your tool honest and unadulterated self out watch the ninja star shadow you are getting very sleepy very easy Kaden omg ninja battle ooooooh you are ready shadow no now it's the shadow Oh what that shadow hey buddy hey where you been man I've been worried about you Sonic my whole teacher I see you're still living I yeah yes I am living thanks I can't imagine how you never taught me a single survival skill late I'm I'm sorry what but now I'm the whip of the wind I never told you about LSD now I am a phantom amongst the darkness that slips away with the light I have a fleeting sensation I have unlocked all of my potential I don't mean to be demeaning but three weeks ago you were coconuts for shoes because you were convinced the color blue is following you understand what could have happened to me you were supposed to prepare me for war instead you tried to talk to me about love and friendship and make music hey snap out of it man oh please I've been hit harder by your mother's and what did you just say you're nothing but a little mindless puppet now you are nothing but a little lost of you you you know you are nothing than a bumbling moron trapped in a world of confusion I've been soaking me with things that you are I can't think straight enough to adequately insult you hey you push me over hi do you look constipated because I'm trying to give a shit yeah that's it my fists are like bacon try them your cheeks will be red with death I am hitting you in the face right now you couldn't teach a fist to swim can you hear what they're saying me neither I bet they're like oh no Eggman is my best friend no no he's mine and I'll give him my castle and shoes because I love himself of course there'd be a moat don't limit your imagination Eggman your death comes momentarily well that just spoils the illusion Erik moon shadow wait oh hi ha I'll just brought up into that cannon before it fires and destroy it from the inside but not before I'm faced with this challenge of getting out of this crater refining the ability to breathe now I'm worried that I'm infertile catch me you are an awful catcher shadow if we're gonna beat this we're gonna have to work together no well then I'm just gonna go home (yes and another fight) you and again heck man your time has gone oh my friend we clap I win and off to new pursuits Rogue rogue wait uh yes my name is Rouge hi rogue my name is shadow I've come to have you I'm sorry you did what I was in a battle truly just moments ago and I've come to have my spoils your spoil don't screw this up don't be awkward be careful of what your wording is and gently say what you need to say yes I wish to put sex inside of you nailed it oh that's so adorable you think I'm a prize why yes yes I do I am NOT a prize oh yeah well another prize either and you don't win so that makes you lose or tie fine we're tied happy stalemate I wanted to tell you is that you consume my thoughts I think you're the most beautiful woman on the planet but forget that you want to keep your body all to yourself well fine enjoy being lonely till the commotion of Eugene you're sleeping with the red guy fantastic okay I'm all done here thank you for your time and attention exits are all in the rear of the plane we'd love to see you smile and vote for Nixon this guy okay everyone gets what they want but hey man you bothering my lady you're bothering my intelligence quotient so I guess we're even I'm warning you man what about your face a little late for that now isn't it I can see that you've had that face for quite a while I can't think of any person who'd be willing to upgrade for it that's for sure and now we're fighting fantastic great yep there's the bud I missed you blood and the way that you let me know when I'm in pain and now the ground gets to catch me again this is quite possibly my least favorite thing best day ever best day ever so in summary it's important to both learn about the world and yourself revenge leaves you empty inside and love doesn't always go both ways you can have too much of everything but never as often as you have too little of something everyone is on their own journey to free themselves for something and we're here on earth to help each other find out what that something is shadow that was fantastic a woman's body should never be in relation to how much you love her and if you don't save her every second of your enemy's death you'll find yourself wanting to relive the moment over and over it just to relive it in agony well I'm always use your hands instead of a blade shadow and don't take rejection lightly if she doesn't like you back then there's no reason why you can't burn her house down and laugh I'm you out done alcoholism isn't fun about that now yeah I'm done I have a present for you and it's a present with all the answers in it what so I went back to the first place I ever met you and I found this book I think it'll explain a lot to your shadow I made you with evil purposes the more evil you do the easier you'll find yourself go to my bidding to become king of the world your father Gerald Robotnik I don't necessarily agree with its contents but there you have it shadow you can finally be at peace who the fuck is Gerald Robotnik hey guys thanks for watching and welcome to smash bits we're gonna be making a lot of video game cartoons like this one so make sure you subscribe so you'll be notified when they come out coming up next we've got another episode of this very same show sonic and shadow but the next one's going to be even longer and in 3d animation this is Rick Jones I'm your producer let us know what you want to see in the comments below and maybe we'll just make it you and the end
Not sure if this was posted before. I love the original spin they put on the characters. It's so quotable too.
What? A story with gasp character development and gasp genuine comedy? Get outta here. In all seriousness, I would not mind one bit if in-game dialogue was written in this style.