Hey kids, uhhh... Today we're doing.. Uhm... It-it's a story about these two little fucks who, uhh.. I'm gonna do that- I- will be classic about this. "Once upon a time in a magical land called, 'Inkwell Isle' there were these two fucking cup people Cupboy people playing with themselves, with each other... uh... not sexually... but still, consensually (what ever the hell that means)" "Come on Cuphead! Only a few more beautiful butterflies to catch and then we'll have enough to surprise Elder Kettle!" This is fuckin, Mugboy, or Mugshit or... No, uhhh... Mugman! This is Mugman. *SCREAMING* (enjoy the screams of the evil buttahflies) This bitch is goin' on, this is Cuphead. Fuck yeah, I love you man. "Aww, you killed all the butterflies." Yeah, I really don't give a shit about all that cutesy stuff. *giggle gaggles* I fuckin' love this guy. Anyway, they were foolin' around, not that like that though, I gotta make innuendos for the shippers, out there. Ah, they're a cancer aren't they? "But if we don't have any butterflies, how are we gonna surprise Elder Kettle?" "Probably get a job or something? Move out? Not be a disappointment?" "I don't know. How old are we supposed to be? Are we adults? What are our responsibilities? NARRATOR!? I'm asking you!" Uh... I-I don't- I don't fucking kno-, I- you're 4, you're 25. Happy birthday! You should probably get laid. "Hell yeah!" "I'm 4?" (I thought you guys were twins but.. sure Mugman) You're 4, you like it. "Okay..." And they live with Elder Kettle. "Boys! What's all this ruckus??" "Well, we WERE collecting butterflies for you, Elder Kettle, but Cuphead decided to kill them all instead." "Eh, It was something to do." Oh, well. Classic Cuphead I guess. *inhales* *cough* x2 "Now how will we celebrate your birthday?" "Oh, Mugman." "So long as you (snort) so long as you (snort again) so long as you continue to be bright and kind to everyone you meet," "and so long as you always (noise) do the right thing, and don't get in trouble, I will consider (inhale) my birthday well celebrated." "What about me?" "God! For the love of God, just don't get anyone pregnant." "That's not a promise I can make." Fuck yeah, I love you Cuphead. "Damn straight!" (but if you love each other then.. wait.. *math intensifies*) "Anyway, you two stay out of troub"le, and I'm gonna, go back inside and "Stand near the heater (inhale) for the next five hours (inhale) so I can feel my blood" (inhale) "B O I L I N S I D E O F M E" "Hm, kinda kinky." "Bye, Elder Kettle! We'll stay out of trouble! For sure!" "Hey you're four years old, want to go to a casino?" "Y E S" (stop it. get some help) And off they went. Cuphead and Mugman walked through the woods, to the large casino, and they found the casino, that was at the edge of the woods, which is where the casino was. "There it is." (no dur) "Wow, it looks like it does pretty well for a casino built on the edge of a forest." "Yeah, the real estate a little questionable." "Also, the name." "What, you don't like the Devil's Casino?" "Oh, I like it. I like it." "It's just, uhh, I mean, how do you market that, you know?" "True." "You limit your demographics." "Well, you're ready to go in and and some MONEY?" "Should I get a fake ID or something? I'm only 4." "Uh... Narrator?" You're 22. "Wow! You can make me 22? Just like that?" 21! * mumbling* teach ya to show off ya little- mouth off to me you little "LETS GO!" "Wooooah, THIS IS AMAZING!" "I dont know where to START!" "Narrator! NARRATE US!" I don't know, I'm kinda fucking tired. I'm gonna request a nap. In the meantime, you can do a montage or something, do a- yeah, do a montage. You see that, uhhh.. sexy, sexy, skeleton lady over there? Hang out with her for a few minutes, go on, we could put her in the thumbnail. Get them clicks. "Do you know what he's talking about?"(DAS AN ALCOHOL BOTTLE DIRTY MINDED PEOPLE) Montage. Now. * Cuphead taking shots while Mugman drinks him * COME ON, KEEP EM COMIN * Cuphead making out with sexy skeleton lady * * Mugman making out with a coat rack? * "SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND!" *PEW PEW PEW* ( have a chug, mate) WOOHOOHOO, YEAH! ( fucking burning king dice alive ) Come on, big money, Big money, BIG MONEY! TWEEEEELVE! (laughing) I don't know what that means YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH Another win for Mr. Cuphead, and Mr. Mugman. You two are exceptionally... good at craps. Well, when you maintain a balanced diet, It's what you can expect! Uh, right. Well, I think we're all set here. Time to cash out and purchase the time of an escort. The time of an escort? You NEVER purchase a lady, you ONLY purchase her time. Be respectful. Uh, before you go sir, there is someone who'd like a word. * Music starts * * Shocked Cuphead and Mugman * * LOUD EXPLOSION * Sorrry, it was our mistake, building this casino on land of volcanic geysers. May I introduce to you... Mr... The Devil. * Rope squeaking * Okay, I made it on the ground. You can unfasten the harness now. *oof* Hello-ho-ho-ho. Nice to meet you. I am the devil. Golly, the actual devil? Yes. Like, the mythological biblical one? That's correct. Oh, this is weird! Like this is a weird story for you to be in, but it'd be cool. You know? What do you want with us? And for the record I share the critique that it's weird you exist in this narrative universe. Oh boys I wanted to congratulate you, you're doing so well at the craps. Well, when ya have a balan- NO! No, we are not recycling your shitty joke. * ba-dum tss * HAHA, I worked for that one I was just curious if you two would like to set a new wager. A new little bet. Not against the house this time, but with me. Oh Geez, that sounds like the very thing we promised Elder Kettle we wouldn't do. What's the bet? Simple. One more game. If you lose, I win ownership of your souls. (we're in) If you- wait what? Yeah, let's do it. Let's go. But he just said he'll win our souls. Yeah, the devil owning your soul *giggling* Hilarious. But he'll own your soul too. Eh, worth it. Okay... well, this is kinda fucked up but if you win you take home everything my casino has EVER ravaged from it's patrons! Hmmm... Yeah, I guess that's fine. Uh, uh... NARRATOR? HEY? HEY! *gasping and spluttering* What? Are you sober now? Yeeeah, fuckin' not like it's your busniess or whatever. STOP THIS! DON'T LET CUPHEAD TAKE THIS BET! That's why you woke me up? Dude, I can't change the direction of the narratives I reiterate the present action. There's nothing you can do? Well, I'm gonna do my job. You taking this bet? Yeah. Okay, well, here we go then, ass. Cupman, undeterred by threat of eternal damnation, Throws the dice. HAHAHAHAHAHA (snakeyes) YES, YES! *hearty laughter* WE LOSE! *more laughing* OH, MAN! The look on your face right now! *bit more laughter* Like... you look like this is worst thing that's EVER happened to you! *last bit of laughing* Do you HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT YOU'VE DONE I mean clearly. And I'm getting the reaction I desired, so... WE'RE GONNA BURN IN HELL FOREVER! Yeah, but YOU'RE going to burn in hell forev- YOU IDIOT! Hey, don't slap my slave! Devil, please! Give us another chance! There's got to be something we can do to reclaim our souls! Please, anything! God, man! have a little pride! You! Does the devil own YOUR soul? Yeah, it is what it is, uhhh.. I mostly work at the casino floor Hours aren't bad. I have a rash I don't know why I told you that that didn't have anything to do with what you asked, and I'm sorry But now that you know do you maybe have a recommendation for dermatologists, or...? I will be beholden to no one! Please tell us about we can be rid of this horrific curse. He pleaded pathetically. STOP IT! Shouting like a bitch. I'M WARNING YOU! I don't have a good response. I'm having too much fun watching all this go down. Well, *BOOSH* There is something you could do in exchange for the return of your souls ANYTHING! ANYTHING! You see, I have a number of debtors who refuse to pay up. If you two will hunt them down, Collect their souls, and bring them back to me, I just might consider returning yours. Wait, so... Technically if we wanted we could just run away like those other guys did? Uhh.. Because we're essentially immortal non-human material beings. In fact, I think there's a realistic question of if we even have souls at all, like before this we didn't even know how old we were. 25, that one's actually 4. HEY! So, this could just be a waste of everyone's time. No you- NO, you have souls- you have souls, and they're my souls now, so you have to- you can't just- I OWN YOU NOW! THESE ARE THE RULES! I mean, fine, like we'll do it. I'm just saying, you know. You feel out of place in this world. I think it's because the people whose souls you captured don't have them, and thus your entire existence Is nothing more than a blemish on a world that functions cohesively without your presence or influence, but fine! (dat ricc tho) I mean, we'll do it your way! Excellent. (Looking like the villain from Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2, y'know what I'm saying?) Get going, drinks for brains, you have until midnight to return with those souls, or yours are mine forever. If we have them. (offscreen) YOU FUCKING DO! Well, Sounds like you boys went and did the exact opposite of what I told you to do. Yeah, I don't feel bad though, so I wouldn't lean into it too much. I guess the only thing I can do is give you this potion, that will help you on your journey. *slurp* Ooh, is this the stuff you used to sneak us out of the orphanage? No, that was chloroform, and if you tell anyone about it I'll get that old stash out of the basement. And so their journey began. WAIT! Shouldn't there be a montage where i teach them various action moves? Oh, i dunno, we already did a montage, we- I gotta check with the animators you might not have the budget. Let me hang on *silence and impatience.* (Y'all realize yet that the move Cuphead's doing is the OG Sonic idle animation?) So you fucked a skeleton? Hm. something to do. Hey guys we can't- we don't, we don't have the budget for another montage And... we don't have seven years to work on this thing so I think what we're gonna do is just cut to the next big plot point. What's that? Uhh... *flipping through paper* You're in a shop. Is it funny? It's fine. Alright, let's do it. This one will let you throw shit everywhere But the shit won't do anything. Money well spent. This one'll give you extra health, But the amount of damage you do drops dramatically . Wait, why? And also, how? Ya heart gets bigger, and bigger, and ya don't wanna hurt people as much, if you got a problem with that you should take it up with science. This one let's yeah dash through shit without taking any damage. It's great, if you want your journey to be a lot easier, and you're a little bit of a pussy. Oh, cool, lemme see that. WHAT KINDA PANSY-ASS FUCK DO YOU THINK I AM? You've gotta pay for that. WORTH EVERY DIME! You gonna actually buy somethin'? NOPE, OUT OF MONEY! GOOD DAY. So I guess this is where we get started you got a plan of action? We gotta shoot everything. Just lots of shooting. Constant incessant shooting. And uhh... we'll go from there. Well alright. *another fuckin' montage* Well that was eventful, but at the same time I kind of feel like no real progress was made. *trumpet fanfare and a crash as the bridge lowers* Well Mugman, shall we continue? And so began the adventures of Cuphead and Mugman. Pretty, pretty good shit. I'm gonna... uhh... Alright, until next time. bye, bye fuckers Hey guys. Thanks for watching if Cuphead was realistic. We're thinking about making more, so if you want more hit the like button. That's your way of voting for more. Please be patient though It will take us at least two months to make another one if you decide to do so, also Appreciate the people in your life today, if you could just go out and appreciate them You know if today was your last day Would you treat the people around you differently? If you would why not go ahead and treat them that way today? Appreciate the people in your life. Enjoy life because you never know what might happen tomorrow. We'll see you next week
