*WHAPOOSH* Top of the morning to ya laddies. I'm doctor Jacksepticeye. I'll be filling in for a friend of mine today, and are you all ready to take out a gallbladder? I think so... Is that what we're doing? (I dunno) Gall bladder? (probably) Yeah... *looks disgusted* Jack: Laparoscopic gall bladder?? I don't know wha- I mean of course, I know what that is. I am real doctor, not cornflakes doctor. So, let's scrub in. I hope we get to see our old pal, Dr. Suzie. If I have to see Dr. Jeff even once, I'm gonna freak out, okay? Hey there she is! Dr. Suzie. DR. SUZIE: I'm Dr. Suzie, and I'll be guiding you through this procedure today. JACK: Good to see you, Suz. JACK: Okay. DR. SUZIE: the gallbladder is basically a place that stores bile generated by your liver. As your body digests fats, your gallbladder pushes bile into the common bile duct,(JACK: Aaah) down to your small intestine to help digest them JACK: Thanks gallbladder. DR SUZIE: Gallstones form when the bile hardens into small pieces that- JACK: don't you hate it when your bean pot in ya got too many beans in it? Me too. DR. SUZIE: -block the common bile duct. These stones can consist of calcium, blood and cholesterol. JACK: They look like toffee popcorn Can I have some? maybe watch a movie and eat some gall stones? DR. SUZIE: and they can cause moderate to severe pain. JACK: Okay no nevermind. DR SUZIE: along with nausea and/or vomiting. JACK: No no, cancel the gall stones! I don't want them anymore. Just regular popcorn'll do. DR. SUZIE: When this happens, it is called a gallbladder attack. JACK: SALTED! DR SUZIE: *while Jack is like smh* Gall bladder removal is the best treatment for gall stones. There are two types: Open gall bladder surgery and laparoscopic cholecystectomy JACK: Can we go with the one I can pronounce? the gall bladder surgery, instead of the laparoscoptic laparoscopic cholecystectomy JACK: Hey, I can pronounce it! Ha ha, real doctor, okay. Let's get into it. DR SUZIE : open gall bladder surgery involves one large incision and removal of the gallbladder. JACK: okay sounds simple enough Dr. Suzie: It is performed when the laparoscopic method is not possible or when complications or too much scarring from previous surgeries are found or when the patients blood won't clot well JACK : Fucking hate that. DR SUZIE: The surgery causes more pain and longer recuperation time JACK: Okay, what's the other one? DR. SUZIE: A Laparoscopic cholecystectomy, however Jack: HA, you struck up too - you sounded like you couldn't even say it there for a second. A Laparoscopic Cholecystectomy, Suzie. it's okay. I'll train you eventually. *gibberish* just for the sake of learning, let's keep listening. DR SUZIE: It is the the most common and often the best method to remove a gallbladder. It is where the gallbladder is removed through several small cuts in your abdomen Surgery is safe and folks who have it normally recover within one week JACK: damn. DR SUZIE: There are a number of benefits to having a laparoscopic cholecystectomy. JACK: *disgusted/uncomfortable* uuuuhhh, is that a belly? DR SUZIE: You'll be able to eat food without pain, in most cases. JACK: *reading the Did You Know? popping up* More than 500,000 people undergo gallstone surgery each year? From where? JACK: Also, uuuuughh! DR SUZIE: It eliminates any discomfort in the stomach lining and in some cases, it relieves your upset stomach. JACK: Oh yeah, my stomach is really sad lately because I can't eat much. It just keeps crying all the time. DR. SUZIE: if you have your gallbladder removed you might experience chronic diarrhea, indigestion, trouble digesting, severe liver problems, fatigue and rare but intense abdominal pain JACK: You might also feel like that you need to sing Elton John songs at the top of your lungs every four minutes. That's normal. That's part of the recuperation process. Just go with it DR. SUZIE: The patient Wade (JACK: Oh god) has been suffering from pretty severe gallstone pain JACK: he's also been suffering from a severe case of ugly DR SUZIE: Let's scrub up and get going. JACK: Okay. He looks very angry that I'm about to perform surgery on him. DR. SUZIE: Our patient is already under general anesthesia, thanks to our nurses and Anesthesiologist. We're going to make four small incisions: one right below the belly button and three others right over the abdomen First, we'll disinfect the area where we're going to make our first incision. JACK: I have to pee on it, don't I? Of course I do. He's got general anesthetic in him. A little for him, huh huh, a little for Jack. JACK: *giggles and slaps himself as if he's drunk* WHOA, okay, it's ready go time. Here we go. There we go. Just swab it all. I'm swabbing Why won't you let me swap the other area? Come on, this is swabbed! I did it. Let me swap the others. *clicks continue* DR. SUZIE: Good, now take your scalpel and make a small incision right below his bellybutton. JACK: okay, OH fucking jesus I didn't even click that, you just did it on your own. Hold the phone. I actually didn't disinfect him. I was joking. It's a little doctor joke. That was only orange soda that I put on him. Oh, this is bad. Oh Derek Okay, this isn't so bad. DR SUZIE: Nice and clean. JACK: DOOOH *kind of like Homer from the Simpsons* We can't see where we're going. So we'll first inflate his abdomen with a little carbon dioxide to have some room to work. JACK: I'm sorry, but wHAT? You did not say any of this at the start. Small incisions that you're talking about, you're like 'ah perfect' and then, bloop, you stuck a big old tube in him and now we're stuffing him full of co2 inflation? Dr. Suzie, I don't know if you're real doctor. I think you're some sort of criminal mastermind DR SUZIE: Just right. Now, we'll use this laparoscopic camera to help us see where we're going. (JACK: *imitates the sound of the CO2 going through the tube*) DR SUZIE STILL: We'll watch our monitor as we go JACK: Okay, steady as she goes. It looks like I'm holding a wand *laughs* Abracadabra, make these gall stones disappearo. tap tap. *laughs some more* See if we can find a hidden rabbit. DR. SUZIE: Slow and steady. You're doing a great job. JACK: *disgusted* (JACK: ewww) DR SUZIE: And there it is. I'll take care of the other incisions for our laparoscopic tools. JACK: *laughs a bit* DR SUZIE: Now that all of the trocars are in place, Can you move the liver out of the way using the clamps so we can get to the gallbladder? JACK: I sure can, Suzie. Hey gall- or hey liver could you just move it on up here out of the way for a second oh god it's an alien! DR SUZIE: That should work! We should have plenty of room to work now. Before making any incisions into the gallbladder, we'll need to clamp off the viaduct in three locations JACK: That's a chest burster! It's an alien! Suzie, he's gonna explode! Okay, clamp clamp. Ooo, snip snip clamp. JACK: Clamparoo gIVE HIM THE CLAMPS! DR. SUZIE: Great, now use the scissors to sever it. JACK: ohoh why? Why-y Why delaila? ooh Sorry, dude. Sorry. I know you have a big serious case o' ugly. We'll fix that afterwards, but right now. I gotta snip you. DR SUZIE: I'll hold the gallbladder in place while you work to cut it from the liver. We'll use an electric cautery device to minimize bleeding. JACK: sure Sure, can I ask what the point of all the- ohh the other incisions are for this stuff? Oh I get it. Okay, burn, burn it away. Oh God. Oh? *sniffing* DR SUZIE: Fantastic! Looks like you've done this before. JACK: It smells like bacon! DR. SUZIE: One last thing. Let's take our clamp through the cut under the belly button and pull this guy out JACK: oooHOOHOHOOH OOOOOOHOHOHOHOHOO OOOOOOOOOOHOHO This is, This I have seen a Ridley Scott movie before th- oooohhhh, POP DR SUZIE: Nice work, (JACK: it's out) our scope shows that everything's clean We've removed the gas, so let's close him up and get him to a fast recovery. JACK: Okay, wait what? That was it? Do I not need to put that thing back in? I'm sorry. I wasn't paying attention in the middle of all the, all the alien stuff that was happening We shouldn't have taken that out. Now we're gonna die. DR SUZIE: Our patient is now in recovery, and he'll probably be there for a few hours. JACK: um Who's this? Hello? Getting your gall bladder removed. It turns you from a 2D animated character into a real-life human boy. That's all Pinocchio had to do. DR. SUZIE: We'll send him home when he's able to eat something and drink fluids easily. We'll also make sure he can walk on his own before we let him go JACK: We'll also make sure he's the same patient that we had the first time. DR SUZIE: His doctor will probably have him on a special diet to follow for a few days He should be ready to resume a normal life after a couple days of taking it easy JACK: I don't know if you can ever have a normal life after you remove an alien from your belly DR. SUZIE: And that's how we perform a laparoscopic cystectomy. JACK: Suzie, We did it. DR SUZIE: You did a great job today. (JACK: Thanks) While you're here, try your hand at one of our other surgeries here on surgerysquad.com. JACK: hmm I think I will but maybe nots one of thems. I think we want to lighten up and remove some hair today DR JEFF: Welcome to surgery squad.
JACK: Fucking Jeff DR JEFF: I'm Dr. Jeff- JACK: *annoyed* Hi Jeff DR JEFF: I'll be assisting you with this surgery today. JACK: Do you have to? DR. JEFF: Everyone gets hair where they really don't care to have it. JACK: You're tell- oh you're telling me, Jeff. In between my toes... Not the best place for hair. I like to have air flow going through there. Air flow, not hair flow. That's my motto, so let's today. Let's remove all that unwanted hair from our bodies. Let's see how this is actually gonna go. I-I can remove gallbladders. I can give birth, bring life into the world. I can whiten teeth and I can remove hair. I'm a doctor of all trades. That's why they call me Jack, cuz I'm a jack of all trades. Dr. Jeff: Fortunately for all of us, we have the option of laser hair removal Jack: That's not what that is. Laser Hair Removal is a non-invasive cosmetic procedure that uses a laser to remove unwanted hair Jack: That uses a laser from space to blast a hole in your sternum. Dr. Jeff: The energy from the laser damages the hair follicle, which reduces the hairs ability to grow Is an popular procedure Good candidate the best candidates are those who have hair that is darker than their skin Okay Individuals who have a darker complexion or lighter colored hair may have their skin inadvertently damaged by the laser Yeah, that's what happens when you show too much nipples to get blasted off Don't show your nipples. You will get scars and you will die These individuals may also need more treatments to get rid of the unwanted hair Our patient today is a male in his 30s that wants to get rid of some unsightly back hair See he is an ideal candidate since his hair is darker than his skin, but this chest Given our patient special goggles to protect his eyes from the intensity the goggles do not Light that is emitted from the laser to get things started. We first need to shave the treatment area That was back This laser is back his eyes face force. What's he doing? Hey? What you doing back there? I don't know. Okay, let's put this fucking Barbasol on him. Oh, yeah Oh, yeah, it's gonna be a white Christmas in town this year You pick oh, this is Thrones What are you fucking that the shades is hairy back Mary I? Want to okay there you go? No, you look like clouds No Jesus there's more Did they call you the fucking silverback of the West I imagine they do? I'm gonna call you wildebeest is that okay wildebeest William? I? Know I'm not supposed to shave my patients, but seriously I went through three and a half cans and fucking shaving cream What does that tell you Oh? Mother of Christ there's more Cyndi dick pencil my favorite clock for the next four years. We're gonna be here for a while Yeah, the shape Williams back yes that William the walking carpet I Know I thought he was wearing a jumper as well. What are you gonna? Do? Don't have to be more don't it to be more okay here we go oh Sweet Jesus. Oh there. We go nice and cleanly shaven That's not how razors work you can't go forwards and backwards And you just do this every now and then dude Because you just get someone who loves you to do this Lord knows I don't I am NOT getting paid half enough for this Okay, I did not go to Kellogg School of doctor college to be treated this way Doesn't even it doesn't even do the property You see this. I'm gonna need some sort of like Dagger or sword or something to get rid of to all this I've gotten through 16 packets of Razors by now Great next let's apply a topical anesthetic to the treatment area to reduce the amount of discomfort our patient may experience Okay There you go, I'm not being as liberal with this one okay? Cuz this is the anesthetic it's not an ointment And I because I just felt a bunch of pain having to shave your back I need you to feel a small bit of pain as well emotionally From this and physic know that the topical anesthetic is applied. We'll need to wait about thirty minutes or so for it to take effect Let's go besides by anesthetic has set in it's time to zap some follicles The most important step of laser hair removal is to get rid of the unwanted hair using our laser the most important step of laser hair removal is to go in through the anus that gives you better access to the hair follicles as You guide the laser over the treatment area it shoots tiny bursts of energy the Sun is a deadly laser Travels through the skin and is absorbed by the hair follicles By doing this we're damaging the hair follicle and reducing any future growth. Why don't you try it out? Oh yes? This is lame I Sound like I'm just scanning barcodes on his back Yeah Weight Watchers beans yep cup noodles I'm real doctor I swear He's dead, there's nothing I could have done. He had too much hair. I shaved it all off, and he died of blood loss Okay here we go super speed. Are you ready to see a fucking real doctor in action watch these Magic Mike fingers go to work? Yeah, they call me dr. Morse Oh Yeah, I just spelled out SOS. Please save my soul on your back there perfect Perfect hey, you sure you haven't done this before Like a fucking octopus car that it was like perfect you sure you haven't done this before Breathe pretty sure eat it our patients skin may appear red or irritated Luckily this lasts only a day or so It's extremely important to avoid the Sun or use sunblock for a few weeks after the procedure so does everyone enjoyed any plucking or waxing of the treatment area Wait wait immediately fyo dm2 plucker wax the treatment area. I just removed all the hair from his hairy back Jeff don't make no sense Jeff's not a real doctor Jeff does know what he's talking about the treatment our patient can apply cold compresses to the area to help alleviate any discomfort Within a few weeks after the procedure he may notice some new hair growth from the treated hair Yeah, because the amount of hair he had cannot be stopped But is the unstoppable hairy man right there. Do you want a hair on his back rivals that of a silverback? Hence why I was calling him silver Joe earlier Follicles that were inactive at the time Because of this our patient may need to undergo multiple treatments Most individuals receive a total of six to eight treatments before achieving desired results. How would you look at that? I'm busy on all his appointments Too bad you're gonna have to get Susie to do it. We shaved a whole serengeti. 'he's worth of hair off that man It's time to see where his hair is about to go time to see where he's donating all of this hair We're about to do some hair Transplants so he had enough hair to cover the heads of 15 million men, so we're gonna see who's up next Surgery squads a virtual hair transplant. We missed you dr. Susie, and I'll be assisting you with this surgery today a Hair transplant is an outpatient procedure that involves Transplanting hair follicles from one part of the body known as the donor site to the balding part of the body Known as a different person because we just took it off William and going on General's Indian site although hair transplantations are typically used to treat male pattern baldness and Restore eyebrows beard or chest hair they can also be used to fill in scars caused by accidents or surgery Today we'll be using the strip harvesting method to treat our patients male pattern baldness okay, strip harvesting involves removing a small strip of scalp from the donor site under local anesthesia and Transplanting the pieces or graphs of the scalp into the recipient site of the patients head Before the surgery our patient was advised by his doctor to avoid using any medications that may result in a poor take of the grafts these medications include, but are not limited to aspirin ibuprofen and antacids Alcohol use and smoking before and after the surgery can also result in poor graft survival yeah, but I I'm an hour drink and smoke during the surgery right cuz that's how I work best cigar at 100 a scotch and The other that's how I get a steady hand to prepare our patient for the procedure We'll need to first shampoo his hair with an antibacterial agent to help prevent any infection I think you can handle that ha ha ha Susie Are you saying people who shampoo hair for a living are beneath you I think you can handle that Doctor condescension Ok here. We go. Oh, I should have spelled out my name That would have been cool ok sir we're gonna shampoo your hair right But that's what we're going to be doing right now. I'm a doctor. I know how to shampoo hair apparently is I Didn't go to save me 17 years of doctoral College medical school to learn how to shampoo hair Look and I can work up a good lather. Oh, yes, Susie boy. Oh yeah, frothy froth So fresh and clean so fresh so clean patients hair, and we're ready to get started There we go, let's wash away the badness, that's It wasn't that he was missing hair his head was just dirty Here we go The next step is to define our patients target hairline Go ahead and outline where we want the patient's hairline to be go ahead and draw on that motherfucker Okay, maybe a little down here up there over here down there He's an Illuminati hairline. Do you think we can do this? Hey science caught up enough to be able to perform a hairline that well. It looks good to me Don't fix my line Suzi. Let's prepare the donor site will begin by trimming the patient's hair in that area. Oh, yeah, oh There we go Did it now that the patient's hair is trimmed down. We'll need to mark the area that we'll be removing oh This is gonna be weird. This is gonna be weird This is gonna be weird. I don't want to remove some scalp Ding I did it I call this one the crossroads great job Inject local anesthetic into the marked injection sites to reduce the amount of discomfort our patient may experience It's like when you have a child and they color in a picture And it's just an absolute mess like someone took a van Gogh painting ate it and then Vomited it back onto paper, and then you're just like well done, sweetie. It's amazing It's like I have no idea what it is. I think my child's possessed can somebody call a doctor or a priest Okay stab uh-huh stow No, not liking this one Jeffrey. (Dr. Suzie: Great! He won't feel a thing) Dr. Suzie: Now we'll need to remove the piece of scalp We outlined from the donor site Dr. Suzie: Use the scalpel and cut along the line to begin the process. Jack: Ah. All right that way it's called scalpel coz the scalps people oh I get it oh Good Oh Playing doctor was a lot more fun when I was a kid Looks like a scout from the donor site Oh make sure you have a good grip Make sure you have a good grip or you might end up pulling his whole entire brain out of the back of his head. Ew. Ewww. It's like wallpaper. Ewowoowgh. Did you have to make the sound? Dr. Suzie: Once removed we'll prepare the piece of scalp for grafting by dissecting the individual follicles. Jack: Couldn't we just have put carpet on his head? Dr. Suzie: You go ahead and suture the donor site Ohhhh yeahhh Okay here we go. Oh perfect, look at me go, look at me go. I'm doing it with no hands. I'm amazing. I'm the world's best doctor, the world's first telekinetic doctor. Watch me go. I will this wound closed!!! Let me just put a bunch of little lines on you. There we go andddd last but not least God. I'm very very slow at this. I should make myself a sandwich while I'm suturing all of the back of your head. Sorry about that, by the way. It's okay. You got a bit of a neck lift at the same time. Oh, that saggy neck?
Gone. Out the window. Dr. Suzie: Great! Let's get to some dissecting Dr. Suzie: The first thing that we need to do is cut the remove scalp into sections Jack: Ooh! Dr. Suzie: we'll dissect this one section of skin while our medical assistants take care of the others Jack: What do you mean dissect? Dr Suzie: Let's remove the individual follicles from the donor material using a pair of tweezers in a sterile razor. Jack: What the fuck. I didn't know this is what you did. This is weird. Jack: Ooooohoo. Ew, it looked like cheesecake, very hairy cheesecake. (grossed out noises) Jack: I don't like it. Dr. Suzie: Nice job! This step is repeated thousands of times to get each follicle prepared. (Jack: Really?!) I'll have my assistants finish up. Dr. Suzie: To prepare the recipient site, you'll need to first inject a local anesthetic into the scalp, Jack: so do you do this like follicle by follicle by follicle by follicle by follicle by follicle? That's so tedious. It's not worth it Dr. Suzie: We don't want our patient to be uncomfortable Jack: Sure, we don't want him to be uncomfortable, so let's stab needles in his head. There we go. Dr. Suzie: Now we need to make tiny incisions into the recipient site so that we can place the grafts into the scalp (Jack: Okay) Dr. Suzie: Use the micro blade to make the incisions in the recipient site. Jack: Oooh, the micro blade. Jack: Are you serious? Oh my god, you're a human pincushion. (weird brrrrr noise) Dr. Suzie: Perfect. With all of the incisions, it's getting a little messy there. Let's get that cleaned up. Jack: Hah. It's getting a little messy there Jack: I shouldn't have eaten my french fries and ketchup over the top of the procedure. Jack: Don't worry. I'll mop it up with my McDonald's napkin right here. There we go. All clean and bloody again. Dr Suzie: Much better. Dr. Suzie: Use your tweezers to pick up and insert the hair grafts into the recipient area. Jack: Oh my god Jack: This is the most tedious procedure I have ever seen. Jack: I had no idea that they had to do, like I don't know what I thought. I thought it was like laying down Jack: astroturf or fake grass. We could just lay down a roll of it Jack: and it just took to the skin. We use a special method to get it to go in. I didn't know know you had to put in each individual follicle Dr. Suzie: You're a natural. Now that you've got the hang of it, Dr. Suzie: we'll repeat these steps for the remainder of the recipients (Jack: so tedious) After the procedure has been completed, our patient will be prescribed Dr. Suzie: antibiotics to prevent wound or graft infections Jack: He'll also be prescribed to stay away from his family and friends, because they'll know that he got a hair job, because the hair is Jack: tiny little follicles now Dr. Suzie: For up to a week after the procedure, the donor area may be sore and numbness may be experienced Jack: Looking good, my dude. Dr. Suzie: You can also expect moderate swelling and redness during this time Dr. Suzie: Shampooing of the recipient area is typically started two days after the surgery Dr. Suzie: This is important, as it prevents scabs from forming If scabs do form and are left to bond to the hair shaft, the newly transplanted hair follicles may be lost. Jack: Man, that's a pain in the ass. Dr. Suzie: In about ten days our patient will return to have his sutures removed Dr. Suzie: During the first few days after surgery almost all of the transplanted hairs will fall out due to shock loss Dr. Suzie: Shock loss occurs when the hairs are traumatized by their relocation. Jack: Why did I go through all that effort if this fucking hair is gonna fall out again anyway? You better have some good news after this, Suzie. Please tell me there's a Redemption arc. Please tell me the third act if this story is a happy ending Dr. Suzie: Within two to three months, the patient can expect new hair to begin to grow from the treated area and Continue to thicken during the following six to nine months Jack: Not only did we give him new hair that looks amazing, we gave him the Hasselhoff. We also give him a brand new mouth. Look, this one has a smile attached. Dr. Suzie: And that's hair transplant surgery! Why not try your surgical skills in another surgery here on surgerysquad.com. Jack: Oh, you know I would, but I'm about four follicles late for a different thing that I want to do more than this. Jack: Okay! Well that does it for more surgeries. I hope you all learned something here today I learned that hair transplant surgeries are soooo tedious and they take forever. But I also learned that I'm amazing at them, and I can do whatever the hell I want because I'm the world's best doctor, but for now, Thank you guys so much for hanging out in my ER this time. I don't know who actually let you in. It's really kind of a hazard, but You're watching a master at work. If you liked it, punch the like button in the face like A BOSS! Andddd, high fives all around Thank you guys, and I will see all you dudes IN THE NEXT VIDEO!! Hair removal transplant anybody? I got the moves.
