Sir Humphrey Appleby on the Proper Function of Government

thought last night a confidential source disclosed to me that British arms are being sold to Italian red terrorist groups see may I ask who this confidential source one contracting said it's confidential I'm sorry I naturally assumed that meant you'll get to me it seems to be very worried by this information well these things happen all the time it's not our problem it's robbery with violence doesn't that worry you no Minister Home Office problem country we're letting terrorists get hold of murderous weapons well what Elise Lowe's Department of Trade Minister defense or an orphanage we Humphrey the British government innocent lives are being set at risk by British arms in the hands of terrorists only Italian lives not British style The Critic tourists abroad direct Foreign Office problem happy we have to do something with respect Minister we have to do nothing what do you mean the trail of arms abroad is one of those areas of government that we do not examine too closely well I have to now that I know how did you say you dead there you're suggesting I should lie oh not you know who should lie Sleeping Dogs Minister I'm going to raise this no minute I beg you a basic rule of government is never look into anything you don't have to I never set up an inquiry unless you know in advance what its findings will be see we're talking about good and easy our Church of England problem no our crop we are discussing right and wrong you may be Minister but I'm not it would be a serious misuse of government I'm having asked terrorists is wrong can't you see that Humphrey no minister either you sell arms or you don't if you sell them they will inevitably end up with people who have the cash to buy them but not terrorists when I suppose we could put some sort of government health warning on the rifle this gun can seriously damage your health all of us take this lightly Humphrey but we cannot close our eyes to something that is as morally wrong with this very well Minister if you insist on making me discuss moral issues now point out to you that something is either morally wrong or it isn't it can't be slightly morally wrong and then quickly government isn't about morality see what is it about stability keeping things going preventing anacott stopping society falling to bits still being here tomorrow what for what is the ultimate purpose of government if it isn't for doing good Minister government isn't about good and evil is only about order or chaos and it's in order for Italian terrorists to get British bombs and you don't care it's not my job to care that's what politicians are for my job is to carry out government policy even if you think it's wrong well almost all government ology is wrong frightfully well carried out country have you ever known a civil servant to resign on a matter of principle I should know what is the point the first time I fully understand that you are purely committed to means not to end well as far as I'm concerned Minister and all of my colleagues there is no difference between means and ends if you believe that happening you will go to hell Minister I had no idea you had a theological bent you want a moral vacuum if you say so Minister it's time for your lunch appointments Minister you're keeping very quiet Bernard what would you do about all this I would keep very quiet so Minister maybe drop this matter of the arm sales no we may not i miss telephone personally making a point department would you burn it this is just the sort of thing that the Prime Minister wants to know I assure you Minister this is just the sort of thing the Prime Minister desperately wants not to know that we shall see about that indeed we will what's the matter Burnett oh nothing really sir Humphry you look unhappy well I was just wondering if the minister was right actually very unlikely what about about ends and means I mean will I end up with a moral vacuum - oh I hope so if you work hard enough make sure you rather downcast if it's our job to carry out government policies shouldn't we believe in them what an extraordinary idea why David I have served 11 governments in the past 30 years if I'd lead in all their policies I would have been passionately committed to keeping out of the Common Market and passionately committed to going into it I would have been utterly convinced of the rightness of nationalizing Steele and Adi nationalizing is andrey nationalizing it in capital punishment I'd have been a fervent retention list and an ardent abolitionist I would have been a Keynesian and a freedman I'd a Grammar School preserver and destroyer a nationalization freak and a privatization maniac but above all I would win a stark staring raving schizophrenic

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Id: cIYfiRyPi3o

Length: 5min 30sec (330 seconds)

Published: Fri Feb 03 2017

Reddit Comments

[u/Computer_User_01]

I wish we had someone as clever as Sir Humphrey running shit in Westminster.