- [Amanda] Do you ever feel like you don't fit in
with your own family? Do you feel constantly
ignored or criticized? You might be the family scapegoat, it means that your own family uses you to unload their
own frustration and anger. Are you constantly blamed for mistakes? Some of which aren't even yours, do they call you names and
talk bad about you to others? Being the family scapegoat can really affect your
behavior and way of thinking. It can make you think less of yourself and get lost in hatred for your family. So if you want to know healthy
methods to cope with it and possible reasons why
your family does this, keep watching. Number one, they treat you like
a metaphorical punching bag. Do you get blamed for a lot of things, even the ones that aren't your fault? Let's say your parent just
got home in a bad mood, and they're often yelling at you or scolding you for things
that are unnecessary, being in a dysfunctional
environment like this can certainly take a toll on your physical and mental health. That's why if you find that you're currently stuck in this situation, don't hesitate to ask for help, keep in touch with supportive friends or distant relatives and let
them know how you're doing. It's not good to keep everything
inside or harbor grudges. Number two, they talk bad
about you to other people. Have you ever had a family member bad mouth you in front
of friends or guests? It certainly doesn't feel great, and chances are the words still ring clear in your head until now. This situation usually happens when you're raised by
narcissistic parents, because they want you to
appear perfect to other people and they'll distance themselves from things that may
disrupt that illusion. But think of it this way,
it's a way of them saying, well, I don't know why they're like that, all I know is that it's not related to me. They may bring you down
just to lift themselves up. They can really make you
feel bad about yourself, but please remember that it's never true and it's in no way your fault. Remember to talk about your feelings to those who really care and
try to engage in activities that make you feel good about yourself. Most of the time, their own actions are a reflection of
their internal battles. Number three, they put a
damper on your achievements. Do you have times when you just really wanna be recognized
by your own family? If you often have those kind of thoughts, it probably means that you
aren't being appreciated enough. You probably think, well,
I'm not doing well enough, I should do more, or maybe they won't recognize
me no matter what I do, might as well, just not do anything. All those things are not true. You don't have to do something big to get the recognition you deserve, each human leads different lives and is capable of
totally different things. Everyone goes at a different pace. So take this as a reminder to tell yourself that you are doing great. You may think that what
you're doing is insignificant, but another person is looking up to you somewhere in this world. So whenever you notice
that your own family tends to downplay your attainments, take it as a probable mark
of their own insecurity. Perhaps they set super high
standards for themselves and other people, perhaps they're in pain and putting you down
makes them feel better. It doesn't excuse their actions, but it does give insight
into their perspective. Number four, they project
their own mistakes onto you. Have you ever had a
family member yell at you for an error they personally made? Most of the time these things happen because they're angry or irritated and you are within the firing
range of their emotions. They don't know how to cope
with the sudden burst of anger so they let it out
using detrimental means. Try to keep in mind that
whenever this happens, it's best to let them cool off, let some distance between you two and be careful not to engage
with them in their state, fighting won't solve the problem. A family member may also act this way because they're not comfortable with a certain aspect of you. They feel inclined to blame everything on you out of prejudice. You are not the problem here. First accept that what they're
saying about you is not true, you are a wonderful person. Next, understand that every person faces battles of their own. After you've learned to accept yourself, it's likely time to accept that your family members
are flawed people too. How they treat you says more
about them than about you. Number five, they blatantly ignore you. Do you ever notice your family members going out of their way to
pretend you don't exist? Perhaps they don't invite you to dinners or ask for your opinions on matters, whatever it is they're
outright blocking you out. Family members do this
for a number of reasons. One is that they know they've
done something wrong to you and want to avoid possible confrontation, another is that they're afraid you'll talk about their abusive behavior to people outside of the household. They might see something in you that they don't like to look at. Basically anything that
triggers their own insecurity or discriminatory tendencies. It's really important to remember that just because your family avoids you doesn't mean you're not worthy
of any attention at all. Sometimes it's good to reach out to an external support system. Let yourself enjoy life
with people who love you and make you feel seen. And number six, they treat
you differently from others. Are you always being compared
to a sibling or a cousin? Enforcing ranks or hierarchy
systems on family members is toxic for everyone involved. For example, as a scapegoat, you are often being talked down to in order to make the golden child shine. Being continuously subjected to that sort of environment can hurt you, damage your self esteem
and at the same time, cause unnecessary pressure for
the other family member too. They probably have thoughts
like I have to do better, I have to do more, I should
never make a mistake. They become scared to make mistakes while you feel discouraged
to take on challenges. All it breeds is unhealthy competition, contempt and toxic perfectionism. Most of the time, these situations stem from narcissistic parenthood. Because of their need to seem perfect and have a perfect family, they push their children to be more without noticing that they're
past their breaking point. Have you ever noticed that
you are too competitive or perhaps that you don't
even bother to compete at all? Your current behavior is
usually heavily influenced by how you were treated as a child, but the important thing
is that you're here now and you're doing great. Do you think you are the family scapegoat? Why, which points do
you relate to the most? There are many reasons why family members would treat you this way. Mental conditions, insecurities and discriminatory
tendencies are just some, it doesn't excuse their behavior, but it helps to get an
insight into the root cause, try not to combat hate with hate, there are times when it's quite difficult to be the bigger person and move on, but try to accept their hurtful behavior as a sign of their own pain and let it go. That doesn't mean you
have to forgive them, but it also doesn't mean that you need to constantly be tied
down by their actions or your own anger. Share your experiences in
the comments down below. If you know someone who might
gain something from this, please don't hesitate to send it to them. As always all references used
are in the description below. See you next time.
