- Ladies and gentlemen, Welcome to Sidemen: Cheap
vs. Expensive football match. Today, half of the
Sidemen are gonna be going to a Premier League, money
can't buy experience. While the other team head to the trenches and watch a Saturday League pop-up. So, without further ado, subscribe and let's see how they get on. - Alrighty, so Simon has sent us to... - A rainy street in London. - Yeah. London Bridge, basically. I mean, he told us that there's a building that we have to go into. Anyways, we have to go inside here and find out what's going on. - Let's play a game for the first round. - First round of what? Drinks? - Yeah.
- Oh, okay. Yeah. - Fantastic.
- We'll do a game. - Yeah, I love it. - Uh, let's play, Ooh, first person to take
both of their shoes off. - I did. I'm done. I was
way done before everyone. He's got it- - Round's on you. Rounds on you. - No, no, no! - Round's on you, round's on you. - He said first person. - I got a cramp in my hamstring for that. I can't get up. I can't get up. It's f*cked. - I'll take a Guinness, actually. - I'll get a Dark- What is it? - Don't get a-
- Dark Fruits. - We have a name for
Dark Fruits in my pub. - What is it? - Goth juice. [laughing] Can't order the goth juice. - Can I have a goth juice, please? - Oh, don't order a goth juice, bruvs. - Oh, wow.
- Ay. Okay. - Wagwan?
- Welcome, this way. - Is this a prank? This is too early. This is too early? - We're fist bumping are we?
That's how you fist bump. - Yes, yes, yes, yes. Very nice. - Oh, wow. - Oh. - Oh! - Not already. We're not already in. There's no way. - There's no- there's no
way they stick us in suits. - Where was the build,
where was the build up? Where was the painful journey? Where was the deception? - No, but what if they stick us in suits and then send us to the- - Ohhh.... He wouldn't do that. - What, build us up and take us down? Are you certain? - Oh, a pocket watch! - Yeah, it is a pocket watch. - I've just been charity shop. Bought myself some new trousers because I ripped mine on the way here. You can show the footage actually. I was just cycling to the shoot. My trousers got caught on the bike. Oh no! Oh, disaster! I was basically trying to mount
a pavement on a lime bike. Suddenly I got caught and just like, it was like a horse bucking me off. And so the seat got caught in
my trousers and ripped them. - Hello mate, can I get
two Moretti's please? - Yeah. - And a goth juice. - He said goth juice.
[laughter] - A goth juice. It's not me, I promise. [laughter] - I've always wanted one of these. - Can I offer you guys a drink, perhaps? - Oh, it's gotta be a
champagne. Start the day right. Come on, boys. - Definitely not doing that. - Come on boys! - Is there breakfast? - No? If we drink enough, every
team's the good team. - Seeing as I asked for the goth juice, I require it to go down
within in the next 30 seconds. - It is easy to drink. - It's easy to drink, but I
don't want to just down it and then sit here with no drink. - Don't hold a Moretti glass like that. - It's more easy to
hold this one like this. - Ahhh. - Sweet nectar. - Can we get everyone seated and booted? Do you want me just to give you your bits and you can go get changed and then they're gonna
be tailor fitted to you? - No, this has to be the good team. This has to be!
[overlap] There's no way we're getting tailor made. No, this is the good team. - They're throwing us to the bad team. - There's no way. - If we go to a non-league
side looking like this. - Holy sh*t. - Nah. - £11 for three drinks, mate. - See, you know what? You step out London a little bit. - I'll tell you. I might come out here
for a couple weekends. - £11 for three pints. What is that? First one to work it out doesn't
have to neck their drink. £11.60 divided by 3? It is.. - £3.86. I don't know if
that's right, I dunno. - £3.86, he says. Oh! - Yo! Yo! - So I don't have to
neck my drink now, right? - £3.86. He's right. - No. No.
[laughing] - Wow. Sheesh. - Amazing. Thank you. - Do JJ next. - Oh, you're gonna make
me wear some madness. Oh my God. Wow. I don't think I've ever
dressed this smart. - Oh, you're gonna look sexy. Go ahead, grab your stuff. - Oh, I like this. Thank you. - JJ just changing in the corner? - This big? Come back. - There's nowhere else to change. - Hey, brother. He's just in the corner. - You just couldn't f*ck, innit. - What we do down in the pub, right? So we play dart golf. So you can even do nine
holes or the full 18. - Oh, they have a dart board! - They have a dart board? Oh my God. Alright so explain this game. Go round the numbers. If you hit just the number, you get 3. So if you miss it all,
you get a score of 4. You hit it, hit the number, you get 3. Hit the double, you get 2. Hit the triple, you get a 1. - Yeah. So you want the
lowest score possible. And then the loser has
to do a round of shots. - Buy the round of shots. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. And do them. - He's on the casting couch. Ready for the morning shoot? - That's fine. I'm good. Oof. Lovely, it's lovely. Hi, I'm Josh. I'm experiencing the luxury. Wow. - Ethan, first hole. - Yeah. - There you go for it. Ooh, ooh. - That's in. That's in. That's in. - So I get 3. - You throw like you're trying to box. [laughing] - Well, all that matters. It'll go in the 1. [laughing]
sh*t. - Yeah. - Oh, he is done it. - Okay. - Oh no. - So he can lean into the board. - Oh, he's in. He's in.
- He's in. Ah, nice, nice. - It's so weird. Just
like being like this. Obviously this is not added, but it's common to get it tailored. But like, yeah. Geez. - We're all dripped out. Look at this. We've got a feather. I'm lightweight. - Don't talk to me. I'm rich now. [laughing] - These shoes go crazy. - There's no place like home. - You got accessories. - In case I need to know the time. - What time is it? - Time you shut the f*ck up. [funk music] - It's a normal three. - You back, eh? - Okay, but you got three.
You got three. - That's null and void. - Oh. - Oh he's in. By skin of his tiny, tee, teeth. - Oh no.
- Oh, Simon. - Oh no. Unlucky Si. - Don't get a floor. [laughing] - Unlucky Si Unlucky Si [laughing] - What do I need?
- Double. - If you get double, you're drawing. - It's fine. I'll nail a triple. - Squeaky bam. - Hey, you ready? You watching this? [laughing] - You know what? It's not bad. That wasn't a bad attempt. [upbeat Hip Hop music] - So long, suckers! Woo, let's go! - Amazing. Thank you. - This one's apple juice. - Thank you so much. - This smells of champagne in here. - Hey, wait, wait. Money's just turned up. - Oh my goodness. - Have my chair, my chair. - No, no. - Please sir, please sir. - No, I'm trying to stand bro. Trust. - This is how you should dress. You know, after everything you've done, you deserve to dress like this every day. - Apple juice.
- Jesus. - I pray we're not in non-league side. We're going to some bad football team. - I think it would look better if we were- - I reckon they'd get a promotion. [laughing] - Promotion. - We'd stand out so nice. - We'd get abused. - I hope you're happy with yourself Simon. - You can't lose. - You can chuck your darts anyway. - Hit on John for the sake of it - That's not me. [laughing] - You can just throw a dart. [laughing] - Ah, well, well done. - Yes, well done, Simon. - Alright. Well you know what boys, actually you f*cked it 'cause now I'm in charge
of the round of shots. - No, you f*cked it. - I'll see you at the table. - You still f*cked it. - Alright, we have a fine selection of apple juice and free
fruit for you as well. - Is that a croissant?
- Oh my goodness. We're living good. - Oh crap. - I thought there were only two. - I was so novel of you. - I thought there were only two. - I thought there were two. - Ready, for the big game, lads? Going to see your planes today? [laughing] - Wagwan. I'm your boy,
KSI. Guess where I'm at? Your boy's at Morrison's. Morrison's. We're XIX in the back. Geez! What we sayin'? [Hip Hop music] - Yes, now ladies and gentlemen, we are officially in store
in Morrison's. It's there. Go get it. Get involved. Lovely job. [Hip Hop music] - What's the most
disastrous thing you have? That's a shot wise. Like, what is that? - That gorgeous. Me and my mate went through a whole bottle on a Monday night the other week. - Oh, well, you know what we'll get that one, my friend. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you very much. I literally have no idea
what I've been served here. He pulled it out of
his like back cupboard. - What is that?
- I don't know. - What the f*ck is that?
- No, man. No. Yeah. No man. Why? - No, it's like coffee.
It's coffee flavour. - I don't want you to ruin
my day. That's the thing. I'm having a great day. - I'm actually here for a
good time with the boys. - Let's all do one each
and then we'll decide - Why would we do two? - Cheers. - Not bad. - It's actually fine. It's actually fine. - I'm loving the shoes. Josh, by the way. - Mmmm. Sparkle, sparkle. - Why? What's that?
- What's what? - It's a bird. It's a bird, bro. - Oh my God. - It's got eyes and a beak. - Got pocket rocket. - Oh, you got a pocket hanky. - What have you got? - I've got my, my time machine. - You don't want a pocket watch? - Honestly, I don't think I need one. - How will you tell the time? - I am the time. [laughing] - Oh, thank you very much. Thank you very much. - Oh, beauty,
- Right okay. I'm now double parked
and there's a shot left. Mint please. - Brother, I hate coffee, man. - You're never gonna be constipated in your life. - I'll never be constipated in my life? After this? Right, so - What did he say? - It's a laxative. - He just said it's a laxative. Well you now want me
to do that second one? And you want me to do that? - Actually, I- - If we're going to the
toilet, we're going together. We'll all go together. - We got, we got six minutes. - Geez. - I actually, I suffer from
constipation sometimes, so I said yeah, I quite enjoy that. - He had to go to the uh, [laughing] - It's a medical condition,
it's a medical condition. - I like that. That was good to know. That's made me happy. That was really good. That's
really good. [laughing] - I was expecting limos. - What's this? We dressed up this this nice for this? - Yeah, this this seems like a f*cking, random ass van. - It's going downhill. That's not good. - Oh sh*t. - Is that our bus? - No. - f*ck, that's our bus. [laughing] - That's actually very cool though. I'm a big fan of this. I'm a big fan of this.
Mighty Farnham. Here we go. How do you get on this thing? - I assume here, 'cause you remember like
back in the old days in a black white, there'd
be people like, oh yes. - You know, I've never been
on one of these buses before. - Really?
- Yeah. Never. This isn't, this ain't the bad
team man. Look at this thing. Cheating, cheating. Not bad team. - What are your predictions
of where we're going? - I think, I think we're going West Ham. - We're going towards Milwall, ya know. We're going towards the dam. - We're gonna go watch Farnham. - Is it Farnham? - Farnham F.C - If we're watching Farnham,
who are they playing? - I don't know. Should
we all look into it? Shall I see who they're playing? - How about close Ham? [sigh]
[laughing] - That was f*cking corny though. - That's horrible. - They're playing Tadley Calleva. - Yeah. f*ck off Tadley. f*ck off Tadley. - Goodbye. - Goodbye. You happy ham. - You singing in the rain? - ♪♪ Singing in the rain ♪♪ - Oh, isn't it Usher? [laughing] - What? - Burn. Let it burn. - No rain, well does it rain in Burn? - Isn't that Rihanna? Umbrella. - Oh, also Rihanna Umbrella. - What do you think the other teams experienced right now? - We don't care. [laughing] - We're too rich right now. - I've got personal relationship
with the owner of Farnham. I dunno if you know that. - We all do.
- Yeah, yeah. I've got time a Farnham friend. ♪ Oh, Harry Hugo, you are
the love of my life. ♪ ♪ Oh, Harry Hugo. I'd
let you shag my wife. ♪ ♪ Oh Harry Hugo. ♪ ♪ I want to sell my company to... ♪ - There's a long pause after come. [laughing] - I like it. Yeah, yeah, it's good. - Shout you Harry, man. - There is a boat here too though. - Oh, there is a boat here. - Oh Jesus. - Nah, you're not putting me on that. Surely not. - Since when has London
had a boat that nice? I've never seen a boat
that nice on the dam. - It's called Sun Seeker.
- It's lost bruv. - It's Sun Seeker. Sun seeker in London. You're in the wrong place man. - f*ck me man. I'm blind. Is this what it's like when you die? You just see white? - Who are you asking? Who knows? - I can't see anything. I can't see. - I also can't see. Bless you. - He looks up at the sun and he sneezes. - No, I'm trying not to, there's no where else to look. He's looking up when he sneezes. He's f*cked. - f*ckin hell. [laughing] - Surely, right, this is the good team. Are we getting mugged off royally? - It has to be. It has to be. - So are we gonna be like
following the mulchers - I think we, if we have- - Can we look up the, the
starting lineup or like - Sure, of course we can. - They've blown up live
score for this game. - Who's their top scorer? - We got crack some bets off. - We got Phil Roberts, Jamie Hobbit. - Hoppitt. Jamie Hoppitt is my guy. Hoppitt is f*cking scoring goals. - There's Cousins,
Connor Young. Owen Dean. - I know. They've got a guy
called Georgie Etto Silver Nunez - That sounds like bupkis. - That's non-league
Bernardo Silver right there. - Oh, it's the Sun Seeker. [dance music playing] ♪ - Sun Seeker. We're
going to eat beefa. ♪ ♪ Gonna smoke reefer ♪ ♪ Punch out your teethfa. ♪ ♪ with Queen Latifah ♪ - I think there's a fire at
Farnham. What's going on? Kicking off? - It's a cloud, right? - Is it just a dark cloud? Okay, so- [laughing] - It's literally a cloud. - Farnham! [cheering]
Farnham! Everyone. Wake up. Wake up! I haven't seen another human since we come through this neighbourhood. ♪ - Got on a good team.
'cause I'm a cheater. ♪ ♪ - Your girl's a sweetheart. ♪ ♪ And the little teaser. ♪
- ♪ Ah, ah. ♪ [laughing] [different dance music] ♪ - Oh. New tune. ♪ New flows. New tunes, new flows, new beats, new hoes. ♪ - New shoes. No toes. ♪ - No, no toes? - No toes. Toes aren't out. - Oh.
[laughing] ♪ - New shoes. No clothes. ♪ [laughing] - Preach the word of
Farnham. We are ninth. - Oh! - Hear me out. Hear me out.
- That's almost super league. - Tadley
- 8th. - Oh my God! - Point difference? Point difference? - Point difference is
we're 21. They're 25. - Oh f*ck! - 3 big points. - It's a big 3 points,
yeah. It's a big 3 points. - Do you think I can get
the car behind us to beep. - I reckon you can, you know. - If you can get the
car behind us to beep, I will neck my pint as
soon as I get there. - Please look at me! Look at me! Honk! Honk! Please girl! Please honk! - Oh, you prompted. That's embarrassing.
- Honk! [faint honking sound]
- Yeah! - Alright, so if I was
to have sex on the boat, I think this is how I would do it. So obviously we've got the
bed here. Looking very nice. Obviously, I'm in my outfit. I
think I'd bend her over here. Just come through like that.
I think that's quite nice. I could flip around, stick her leg up here and maybe
give a little bit of this. I think the waves as well
help the thrusting action. Yeah, really get me going.
Stick her legs up in the air. You know, like, like an eagle. Not that I would do this to an eagle, but then I'd be...just up
inside and then, yeah... and then we'll cuddle. - What game can we play
on the top of the bus? - Let's play hide and seek on the bus. We play hide and seek. - Okay, I'll seek.
- Okay - So you guys go hide. - On the bus or just... whole bus? - Right, yeah.
- Alright, good luck. - Oo Jesus Lord have mercy. - There's f*cking nowhere to hide. - There's nowhere to hide. You just jump off the bus? Just jump off. - 20, 19. - Is there anywhere to hide here? - Can you hang off the side? - No, I'll go down here. It's easy. Okay. He won't find me here. - Do I just wait until he
gets the stadium and go "You guys hid so well"? Sometimes they are children
that have to have to be like, "Oh good job boy!" - You know what I think it's gonna happen? I think he's not even gonna look. I think he's gonna just sit
up there and I'll be down here by myself the whole time. - That good for you baby? Oh, what? Five times? Why I made your leg shake? I tend to do that. Anyway,
you're gonna have to leave. I've got a early morning.
Yeah, I know we're on a boat but you're gonna have
to learn how to swim. You know how to swim? That's a shame. The doors out there. See ya. [laughing] - Oh, I wonder if they're
under any of these seats. Oh no, they're not upstairs. Maybe they're
[laughing] - I wonder if they're here. Where could they possibly be? Where could they be? Whoever I find first, has to down a pint. No oh! [laughing] Harry! - Where was Ethan then? - I don't know. - I don't believe that. - Wait, where is he? - You can't miss that man. - Wait, where is Ethan? Ethan?. He's here. He's here. - What? You caught Harry first. - You lot are in cahoots.
You lot are in cahoots. There's no way. - Where were you?
- I don't believe that. - I hopped off the back of
bus and come back upstairs. - Let us go and enjoy this lovely day to be out on the river. - Is my hat gonna stay on? [laughing] - What happened? You hit your head. Oh, it's very cold up here. It's not quite the IV for boat fair. It does the job. - How'd you lose him for five games. [laughing] You are five-nil. - Better than the nil-nil. [laughing] - I reckon the next person
I ask supports Farnham. - Yeah, ready? Who do you support? - Farnham!
- Farnham! - See next person to ask. - Yeah! [laughing] - Have we played them? Who are they? - That's, that's Harry. That's Harry. ♪ Oh, Harry Hugo. ♪ ♪ You are the love of my life. ♪ ♪ Oh Harry Hugo, I'll
let you shag his wife ♪ ♪ Oh Harry Hugo, I wanna sell ♪ ♪ my company too. ♪ - I don't like the pause. - No, I'd sell my com...pany - Wow. How exciting? - I feel like we light
up the whole of England. - Yeah, honestly, we're doing the most for a great day in London. Everyone sees us and I think
we're like celebrities, but we are not. We are literally a bunch
of morons dressed in suits. - No, no, no. Shhh. Today we are celebrities. - JJ ask these people,
if they want a photo. - Do you guys want a
photo? Want a photo of me? - Yeah. Go on. [laughing] - He's big time. Yeah. That's my guy. - Come on ladies. Come on ladies. - Hello.
- Cash or card? - Card please.
- Programme? - Yeah, we'll get a programme please. Oh, thank you very much. Geez! - Now watch out, Ethan. It's quite a tight squeeze here. [laughing] - Those ranges for us? - Ooh, maybe. - Oh my God. Look at the plate. - JJ its a double R - Bring that over here. - Do it. Do the door. - Two of them. - Ah, surely someone has to do it for me. [laughing] - Okay, well we'll see you guys later. - Oh wow. - Now we're talking bruv. Now this is me, man. - Where most of my family
is from...going to... - Oh okay. - So my cousin actually knows your sister. - Wow!
- Who's you cousin? - Who doesn't? [laughing] - We all do. - I'm convinced we are now the good team. - Oh really? - Yeah, this is really
final nail in the coffin. - I'm pretty sure it is. - If we're good team then
other team are going be fuming. - No, I think they'll have a good day. - Right now, Harry is sinking a pint. - Harry and Ethan will be
forcing Simon to drink. [laughing] - I've seen what beer
they serve at the bar. - What?
- It's called Hog Star. - Should we get 3 Hog Stars? - Oh no. - Down you, not on the floor. - What you saying? - That's nice. Really
good. Really good beer. - Hog Star's good. - I'll feed you. I'll feed you. - You'll feed me?
- Yeah. - Oh my God. I've just noticed it comes in Farnham Town cups. - How long? How long did
I carry on with this? - That was alright. I
didn't know. I didn't know. - You've been on a Rolls Royce before. - No, first time.
- First time? - BS. - And you're in the front seat. - Well, you've never been in a Rolls. Damn. Get your bread up, bro. [laughing] Well, it's the suit man. - Honestly, it's not me speaking. - It's the suit. It's the suit. - Okay, ready?
- Yeah, yeah. - Oh, he's headed it. - Yeah! [cheering] - Alright. You serve, you serve. - Oh there we go. - No, no, no bro. Bro, I haven't had a shot.
- 2-1. 2-1. - Simon. You're the
best player in the game. Oh no he hasn't. Your serve. [laughing] - You got the pub laughing at you though. - Nice, nice. - Simon! - Bro, I did the same thing as you. - Your shy bruv. It's
what he's called you. - It's done.
- He's called you shy. Oh my God. - It's done, it's done, it's done. [laughing] - He just stepped on the table. - It's really difficult, man. - We have turned towards Olympic Stadium. So I think the West end. - We're going to the Olympics. - No, I think the West Ham is confirmed. It's actually London. It's actually London Stadium. - Yeah. - So we preaching out of it. - So it's this, right? This is what we do, right? - Yeah. We do that. - So we say Irons. - Irons yeah. - Irons.
- Irons. - Come on. You're wearing the colours. - And you know what you
do? You blow bubbles. - But do we need like, solution? - Solution? [laughing] - What's their song like they
play for blowing bubbles? - Yeah. So surely- - As you sit there and- - Why not? - They, they've have them in the stadium. - Really?
- Oh yeah, yeah. - Oh, that's quite cool. - Yeah! - So he came over my side of the table. - I'll allow it.
- He'll allow it. - No, no, no, no, no. He threw it behind. [laughing] - Harry loses this. [yelling] - You f*cking- you lost
everything today. You stink. - Welcome to London Stadium. The home of West Ham. United. But we're in the east of London. - Oh God. I have to explain this to him. [laughing] - I'm not, I'm not
gonna explain it to you. - I'm trolling. I'm trolling. I'm a big fan. I'm here for the big game. Here, for the big match.
Who we playing today? - We're playing soccer, right? - Who we playing?
- How would I know? - Cheers boys, to Farnham. - To Farnham!
- To Farnham! - Oh, what, what a day. - Oh, we've, we've even
got half hour 'til kickoff. - Ah, I could do with
the burger right now. - Yeah. Oh, he's dribbling over himself. How's the hog? You got
full hog ins, aren't you? [funk music] - Hey, how are you doing? - How you doing my brother?
- Very good. - Looking very very good. - Thank you. Yeah, fresh. - Top formers. - Wow.
- How you doing brother? - I'm good. Thank you. - You're good, yeah. - Welcome to West Ham, man. - Thank you.
- Welcome to West Ham, man. - Listen, lemme me just
show you where we're going. - Hey! - That was the worst. That was the worst thing
we've ever done, you know? - No, I'm actually f*cking
fuming, you knew that was fun. I can't believe that was fun. - Your cup's gonna be horrible. It's gonna be- - I really hope it is. I hope it is. - We should get burgers? - Yeah. I need a burger to eat on. - What's the go-to order here boys? - Burgers.
- Dirty fries. Dirty fries. - Pulled pork, nacho
cheese, and fried onions. - Do you have a a halal option or not? [laughing] - All the kids. Want a sign
real quick? Yeah go for it. - Star striker, KSI. - There you go for it.
- Where'd you want it? - I've got the lemon and lime and orange. - No way! - Hey, how you doing Jay? - Pleasure to meet you. - Nice to meet you, man. - Pleasure to meet you.
- He runs our academy. - So basically he's the club. And that's our club solicitor lawyer. - Hey, how's it going? - Charlie's the Mr. Fix-it
to anything you want. You know what I mean? - Oh wow. - Obviously you see the
legends we got here. Di Canio. Totally caught you over there. Come on, you know everybody. [laughing] - Ethan would love this. [laughing] - Oh my god. Yeah, I'm getting those. - That's mine. Wait, wait is that mine. - Lil' bit of cheese. - Oh. - I'll tell you what,
that's more than dirty. That's f*cking fill.
That is filthy Farnham. - That is amazing. - This is the tunnel. So imagine that. The away team is on that side always. And then you've got the captain
starting in and obviously the boys are going through
that way and come down there. And then obviously we can hear the the noise crowd start out. Starts going bubbling, bubbling. Gotta get, gotta get psyched up in that. You know. Gotta get psyched up. - The away team, you
going for the away team? [laughing] - Who do you support? Who do you support? - I might support the cutters. - I'm see you lot are playing
right now against Chelsea. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Alright. - Can I get a hamburger? - Oh, don't do that.
- With... - Why he say Hamburger?
- With cheese and onions? - A hamburger with cheese. - Why say an Hamburger? - It's a cheeseburger. - Just say cheeseburger boss. - Is it a beef? Okay, cheese. - You know but it's a cheeseburger. If you get hamburger with cheese. Is it? - Why you say an hamburger anyway? - I don't know. - He said a hamburger with cheese. - Lads I've got an idea - Ultra. That's an ultra idea. - Whoever the burger
is, please, my friend. - They're not gonna want
any of this, are they? - They see me rock over there, they're not gonna want
these, f*cking one of these. Have that, Tadley! - And then obviously it starts to roar now starts to get going - And the bubbles everywhere. - The bubbles are out
already. The bubbles already. I'm telling ya mate. - It's a nice stadium.
- I'm telling you. - Whoa oh! The Sidemen! What! - Unbelievable. - I've gotta go home. I don't deserve to be here. - This where the ball would be. - Oh, sick. - The ball and then the referee
comes out, take the ball, goes onto the... - Wow, it's a lovely stadium.
- Nah this is crazy. - Nah it's a lovely stadium, I can't lie. - Just me? You lot are making
me feel bad about myself. - No, just a, just a filthy,
filthy dirty fries, please. - Well, I got one of each. - Do you know what, at
halftime I might come back. That's the thing I'm spacing myself out. - You lot made me feel bad about it. - No, just eat it, Simon. - Oh, a wedding. - Mate, but the thing is, you wanna look big for your wedding mate. - Yeah, but not f*cking not greasy. - You wanna look like big
strong man for your wedding, don't you? - No.
- Oh yeah. - Come and put in the burger for extra. - Oh. Oh! - That's an amazing idea. Yeah! - Please boss, top me up. - Now, I don't feel bad.
Now, I don't feel bad. - With the cheese. Yeah. - You need to add that. You
need to add that to your menu. - Lil' bit. Lil' - What about the bacon? - No, no. I'm trying... I'm, I'm, - I'm trying to watch my weight. - Oh my God. Yeah. - This is crazy. - Come on man. - Frame us up. - Let's have a picture, boys. - Yeah, let's do it. - Alright, you guys on your own? - Should we have boxing stances? - f*ck it, why not? It's cause we the boys. Oh yeah yeah, we should. - Come on, it's only
right. It's only right. It's only right. - That's it lads. - There you are. Whack one
strip of bacon on that as well. Just the singular one. Oh yeah. - Oi mate. This is food's gonna bang. - Oh! Oh no. - The crunchy onions. Thank you. - Wait, can I, can I add a
crispy onions to one of them. Thank you much. Just a little bit. Thank you. - Oh yes, yes. - That's now the bogs special, yeah - 15 pounds 60, for all that? That's a banging price. - Oh, oh, oh, okay. Oh wow. I actually call 69 as well. Everything, this is our home bench. - I'm not sure if you're
gonna be getting on today, but you boys have got a selection. Oh no, you're ready to go just in case. [laughing]
- They're missing out. - Secretly 80.
- Secretly 80. - Oh, no. - This burger, can I say, looks like the best thing
I've ever seen in my life. - It does look good. - It looks diabetic is what is. - Yeah. - How is it? Give us the opinion. - Good? - It's a year off my life. But it's good. It's good, it's good. - Here's Simon, of course. - Why am I happy about this? - We could do a picture
there by the bench. New signers and that. Yeah. - I'll do signing
secretly. That's my name. - It's the Gaffa. Hold you the gaffa mate. - Josh said there wouldn't be bubbles. - Did I? Look no, I said they
have to do it themselves. - Bubbles come out early today. - Nah, shout out West Ham,
man. They're looking after us. - Yeah, this is sick. - Enough for now.
- What? - No, I'll, I'll talk you Nate,
but if I eat all in one go, - What so now? He ain't
finishing his burger. - f*ck off. You scoundrel. - The game hasn't started yet. - Yeah, it's not like a f*ckin' movie. Don't keep it from during
the game. You eat it before and then you watch game. - You're also not playing. - You're not eating a pre-match meal boss. - When it's, 30 minutes in
and you lot are starving and I've got half my
burger enough to eat... - I'm not gonna be
starving cause I'm eating. - sh*t. So you're gonna
eat the whole entire... all of that you eat right now. - Yeah. And by God is it amazing. Wow. - I'm gonna start with you. - Oh great. Yeah. - Obviously we're playing
Crystal Palace today. Yeah. - I knew that. - It's usually a hard game, but at the same time we're at home. Yeah. - And we're here. - So that's, that's - Our lucky charms And you're looking this good. It makes more sense for it
to be in a positive direction for West Ham, obviously. - The only way it could be a winner. - What are you going
for? What's the score? - I have it at 2-1, 2-1 West Ham. - Oh, like that. I like that. That's a good start. - Nah, I believe in a clean
sheet for the hammers today. I'm going 2 nil. - 2 nil? - 2 nil to the hammers. - Okay. I don't mind that. - 3-1.
- 3-1. - 3-1 what? 3-1 what? - The hammers. - Yeah! - Lions, lions. - I love that. Sweet. What about yourself? - 2-1 Crystal Palace - Oh! - 2-1 Crystal Palace. - I knew you were in trouble.
I knew you were trouble. You always gonna go against the grain. - You want me to eat this entire burger? I was gonna leave the burger for later. - It's quite small. - Is it? - The bun was that wide - tiny burger. - A whole burger with
like fours sauces as well. - And cheese and onions. - That's actually mad, Harry you need to stretch more in the morning. - Harry, you should stretch. - You should stretch right now. - Harry, stretch. Please show me how you stretch that body. - So first of all, you've got the, I don't
wanna lie on the floor, but I'll do it. Cat cow. So this, this is the first one you do. Like that...like that, for 30 seconds. Trust me. Trust me. - You're a baddie.
- And then - Children are watching, by the way - And right leg. And then you got all that - Nice. And same with the side
like that. This one, I'm gonna get muddy on this
one but you want see that, like that and that. - How'd you feel after doing that? - It hurts at the time. - Does it? - I don't think my team
really competes here. [laughing] - Yeah, well, don't think so, mate. - We have a, we have a screen. We, we do have a screen. - It's better, no traffic. [laughing] - You into bridge.
- What's a bridge? - When you put you head backwards and... - No, I can't, unfortunately, can you? - Yeah.
- Let's see. - Couple minutes away
from game time, boys. Players are walking out now. - Oh really? Players are walking out. - Oh no Harry. Harry. - How's your chips? - Wow. Are you really
gonna just ignore that? - What happened? What happened? - Shut up. - What happened? What happened? - I saw you turn around. - What happened? What happened? - I saw you turn 'round. - Guy, no, it's game time. - It's game time. It's game time. - f*ck you. - Ho, ho, ho, ho. Ha ha ha ha. - Where's my pram ball? - Jeez. - I think the boys played really well - This horn by the way...just so you know - That seems like a jump for the man. - If the whole room hears just now - Vic, I think they need
to hear your knowledge. - Wagwan? How we all doing people? Obviously, we played Crystal Palace destroyed them 10 - nil. [laughing] It's just what I do. My team, the best. Next game, if it ain't
11- nil, I'm pissed. [laughing] - Oh mate. We're about
to witness some ball. - We found a good viewing spot. - Yeah, this is our viewing
spot, by the drums. Look. - You want the drums? - No, I don't want the drums. I actually need a weird... - What are your chants?
What are your chants? - F-D-A-C, we are Farnham, Let's go! - Ah, yeah. We'll follow you for a bit. - Worked very hard to
get to this position. Want a nice clean game today. - We already won 10 - 1.
- We already won 10 - nil. - According, to this man. - It's all politics. - Say it's a game of 2
halves. We had a good game. You know, boys worked really hard, trained for this. Get all those key points in, you're good. - You did it for me. - I'm the PR manager. [laughing] - I have nothing to say.
- I have nothing to say. [laughing] - I'm saying 3-1, Farnham. - 3-1 Farnham. - Yep.
- Nil no. - 2-2
- 2-2 - I like a 2-2. I like a 2-2. - First scorer? - I'm saying, O and D - I've got number eight. - Who's that bloke in the middle? - Six.
- Six. Six. - Oh, you're saying number,
the Johnny looking at us. - Number seven.
- Oh seven. - You lucky number seven.
- Yes. - The colours are matching the day, man. I gotta say. - Claret and blue. - Oh, right, yeah. I think it's on purpose. - Yeah, of course it is. - Oh yeah I just realised - Realised what? - That we're dressed in these colours. - Claret and blue. Like, come on you. - I thought you plugged it. - We did. - Of course bruv, of course. - Come on Farnham! - Come on Farnham! - Come on Farnham! - Farnham all night! - Farnham all bight! - Farnham all day! - Farnham all right!
- Farnham all right! - Farnham all day! - It's like a tongue
twister, that, isn't it - Here's the room - It's like a proper goody room, right? - Whoa. - Whoa. - Okay.
- Okay. - Oh look-
- Okay. - Little kick in me- - Damn. - How do you kick the ball in these shoes? - No way. - Oh wow. Wow. This is unreal. Wow. - This is proper and the view as well - Damn. - Listen, I've never seen
this place look so good. [laughing] - This is unreal. - They looked after us. - Oh yo. - Oh yeah he got looked after though. - West Ham, you're treating me nice today. I can't lie. - We're trying to convert
you into West Ham fans. - Oh, come on. - That's a sh*t ball.
You f*cking stink yellow. - Taddy you f*ckin' hog... [laughing] Number 10 couldn't hit
a barn door if he tried. - You're too good at this.
You're made for this. You're made for this
mate. You got nothing? [cheering] - f*ck off 10. - You're sh*t. Who are you? Who are you? - What I'm gonna say here yeah is back out of all that because
you settee's out here bro. - Yeah. - It's like a playground bruv. [laughing] - This is, it's outrageous. - Do you know how crazy this is? - What the hell? - I've never. - They even have blankets bruv. - You weren't kidding, huh? - Crazy. You all right bruv? - They got blankets and all sorts. - Wow. You lot are comfy. - Sitting in Lavishness. - We're living lavish. - Oh, it's not too bad, isn't it? - This man's laughing in rich. - He might switch sides.
He might switch sides. - Oh hey, how much is this? - Oh, I like their score, son. - No, that's them. That's the other team, bro. - Oh sh*t. - What do you mean? We
can't support the yellows. - Yeah. Yes. - I thought we were yellow.
I thought we were yellow. I genuinely, for the
whole time we were yellow. - Number nine your fade's long
gone. Your fade's long gone. - You live for this.
You live for this yeah. Hey, he's lost. He's
lost. Oh f*cking hell. - You're stinking.
- Great save. - Yeah! - Eh you're sh*t! Eh you're sh*t! - BOO! - What are you saying?
What are you saying? - Number 9's got no chance! - As soon as this game ends, Ethan will go over to
all their players and go you're a really solid number 6. A great, great player number 9. I'm named my kid after you. - Oh, comfy - That's how you like to
to enjoy football match. - The problem is,
- Oh my days! - when West Ham scores, you don't wanna get out
of your seat to cheer. - How do we have everything? By the way? We had Sidemen umbrellas.
We've got Sidemen cushions. Yeah, we've got Sidemen hats. We got- - Are these Sidemen blankets? - Is that a Sidemen SpongeBob blanket? - No, that's so cold. - Ahh, today is a good
day. Today is a good day. - If I was up there,
I- I would spit on us. - I want you to have a
look at these things here. Tell me what you think. - There's our England. - That's cold. - That's decent innit. - Yeah. - Now I'm seeing Christmas season. - There we go. - Bubbles. - The retro kit. Retro kit. - He looks like he
struggles to run, this guy. - Number 10's too heavy. Number 10's too heavy. He's too heavy. - Where's the runners? - Go on 10. Go on. Ahh... Get into him. Into him. Oh, you're stinking! - Ahhh! - f*ck we gotta get a drink. Toilet break. Oh no, it's locked. Can you? You can't? Alright, cool. If we score now, I'll be fuming. I'll be absolutely fuming - If we miss the only goal. - See this here? See the keeper?
He's wearing sticky socks. So see the white socks
underneath your edge of socks. That means that you can play. Because guess what? I wear
sticky socks under my socks. - And then you've got this. - That feels nice.
- That's lovely, innit? - Fashion show going on over here. - We should've done a halftime
like catwalk or something. [laughing] - Yeah. So that's it, man. Well, good. - Don't forget these though. - That's where magic comes. Go around hurting people. Boys, I'm gonna leave you here, yeah. - Thank you. - Thank you.
- Thank you so much. - My pleasure. I've got
go slot some other people. - You're good, you're good. - Into him! - Oh no, oh no, oh no. Not hogs. - Ohh, - f*ck.
- It's not ideal. - f*ck, f*ck. - It's not what I wanted to come back to. - That's not what I wanted. - You're the one with bad luck, Tommy. It's been going great
since you got on mate. - Alright, gimme that f*ckin' back, bro. - No, please, please, please. I said it. I, I want to
own a football club now. I love this too much. - Come boys, pick it up. - It was a nice finish. It was a nice- - It was great finish. It was a good, it was a good finish. - Oh, we got one go each. Hammer it. - So you should take
your shoe off by the way. Ooh. Put your shoe on. That was a little bit kind of crazy. I think we have to do shoes on that. - Nasty.
- What's that? - 819. Try and beat that. [kicking a machine ball] - Oh. Oh. Oi. Oi. Oi. - Yo. Calm down bro. Go on Vik! Geez. [kicking a machine ball] - Ohh. - Wanna check the score? - I'll take it. I'll take
that. I'll take that. It's all right still. - Did you put power in it at all? - I didn't actually try too hard. - Come on Josh. Don't break the shoe. [kicking a machine ball] - Oh, oh zero. - Oh well, that's pretty good. - JJ you can try it again. - What was my score? - All right, lemme try. - He needs to try now. He needs to try. If you can't beat Josh, you're starting on the bench
for the next charity match. - You better put your
whole willie into that. - f*ck! [laughing] - On the ♪♪ bench. ♪ On the bench. ♪ - You even lost to Vik. - f*ck. - You beat. You beat it. - I already did. - Beat it again. - 700 to beat. - That's easy for you. That's all day. You're throwing gold. Bang. - Yeah, oh. - Ay yo, this popcorn's looking nice. [laughing] - Win that, win that. You don't lose. Number 4's 4 foot 2. - Get down boys. Get down. Get down. No, you've taking so long, bro. - Oh deary me. - Whoa. - Who are ya? Who are ya? [yelling] [laughing] [unintelligible] - Is that possible? Sorry. - Heaven - Malibu. - Oh wow. - So it's a virgin Pina Cola. - Ooh. - I did that. I did the
elder flower and Sprite. - Geez. - Got that elegance in that tasting. - I'm gonna play the Nigerian card. - My friend. This, this is not good. - Oh, the accent changed. - It's the best. [laughing] Thank you. - That was so fresh. [loud laughing] - Oh, he's done well. He's done well. He's done well. He's done well. He's done well. - Well play five. What?! Boo! f*ck off ref. Go home. - I'm telling you beers
is made for Sunday league. - The best thing is
they can hear you here. In the prim, they can't hear you. - That's the best thing.
My words affect them. - No, but that was an awful decision. That weren't a foul. That weren't a foul. - Ooh, okay. - Alright. You got the hot ham as well. [laughing] - Your bread's looking
hella triangular bro. - Yeah bro. It is. - Ah Josh. He said I wouldn't be able
to blow my own bubbles today. - How wrong I was. We have our own bubble solution. - Bubble solution. - So why, why are they
obsessed with bubbles? - Because they play bubbles forever. - I think it's part of the song. - That is. It's not even part of the song. It is the song. - I don't, I don't deserve to be here. I'm just having fun. I didn't choose to come here. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. - That's exactly why you are here. - Poor Ethan, man. - You bag! You bag! Oh. There's like four people in front of you! He can't pick up. You can't. Pass back. Pass back. [yelling] [beep] - Come on Farnham! I thought I'd try something. My fault. I was trying to get involved. - Honestly, I have no
idea what this is but- - Ham hock. - It tastes good. - Ham hock. Hock ham. Ham hock. - I got prawn cocktail without the crisps. - It reminds me of corned beef. - Bread is very succulent. I'm just trying to think
of words that make sense for this occasion. - What you got then? What
you got? Describe the sauce. - The sauce is vibrant. - Vibrant. Vibrant is good. - Into him. Into him. Done. Don't let him,
don't let him, no fouls. No fouls! Body him! Number 9's useless. He's useless. Woo. He's missed again. Imagine my shock. [drumming] ♪ - The first goal doesn't
count. I said the first goal ♪ ♪ doesn't count. I said the
first goal doesn't count. ♪ ♪ I said you have to try again soon. ♪ ♪ I said the first goal. ♪ - Farnham! - How was that? Was that right? - What are you looking at? You looking at me enjoying my
meal. Get your bread up fam. - JJ got his bread up. What's your bread up?
- Yeah my breads so up. - His bread's way up. Can the fan come back out? - I had to get a road for them, man. - Says fam once, went road [fans yelling] - f*cking nowhere near. - It was quite good. [laughing] - No. Number 10 is. Number 10. - He's done, you know. - Don't bite it number
nine, don't bite it. - [cheering] - That's another one. - Oh Josh, this is one for you. West Ham, United beat Crystal Palace. 2 - nil in FA cup 4th round
replay in January of 1984. - Right? - He was in goal for the irons. - 1984 West Ham goalkeeper. Unfortunately, I wasn't born. - I don't know if that's true. - I don't, I don't believe that. - That's cap. - Wasn't it David Seaman? - No. [laughing] - It's Phil Parks. Come on guys. - Is it Phil Parks?
- Yeah. - Come on John Joe. - Baldy's punted into
middle, don't miss again. - Oh sh*t. [cheering] - Rogers, he is having a honker! - By the way, that touch was phenomenal. - Yeah! That touch- - That was f*cking sick. - That touch was f*cking sick. - You did the hardest part fella. - Oh that haddock locking kinda haddocky - Oh, that haddock is looking wild. - Oh, I actually feel slight regret. - Why, the haddock?
- Yeah the haddock. - Duck.
- Yes please. Thank you. - Duck does look nice darling. Thank you so much. - Duck, duck haddock. - Are you guys okay for drinks or do you want anything else? - Can I have this
concoction again, please? - Sophisticated man. - Get there. Yes. Shoot! Shoot! - No, no, no, no. - Don't hate. I don't
hate, I don't hate it. I don't hate it. Go on son. I can't see anything, by the way. I'm really trying, but I can't see what's
happening over there. - You're so blind. - I know, I know, I know. - Can I have some more my food? - Half the time you can get a long hot dog or some sort of appetiser out there. - You can get a long
hot dog anytime my guy. [laughing] - What are you implying? - I dunno. - I'd like to know. - I can't help with that one. - The implications of what you've said, and I'd like to know what you've said. - My good friend KSI
was saying out 5 rounds per 5 times. Anytime. - That's not a long hotdog. - Do you want to pay for hotdog? - Do I want to pay for a hotdog? - A painful. Oh. [laughing] KSI's new career. He's conquered the world of YouTube. - On the corner of, in the
corners of East London. - He's selling hot dogs. - Hot dogs. Get your hotdog. - Oh, Harry, we can't do
it while we're losing. Harry's about to let off a flare, bro. Whoa. No! Ay! - Are we the ultras now? Sorry bro. I can't, it's, I'm so happy the wind
is going that way, bro. Hold it up, up in the air, bro. - I don't want it.
- Hold it up in the air! - We're losing. I can't- - Hold it up in the air! Look at what you're doing to everyone. - Oh. Sorry. Sorry.
- Hold it proud up in the air. - I'm not proud that we-
- Hold it up in the air proud. Yeah! - I don't know what to do.
- Wave it. Char, please go off.
Please f*cking go off. I've been here for 35 minutes, like - I didn't hear that bruv. I, I don't wanna shorten the ration, bro. - Here have some duck.
- What? - That was kind crazy.
That was like, Shakespeare. - Listen. Ration. - Listen here, you f*cking tossers, here. - Oh hello.
- You missed the goal. - We're back. - It's four one.
- Oh, I know we're back. - It's four one.
- I know we're back. - It's four one to us.
- Harry. Tell that. I know we're back. Someone told me at the
clubhouse, who let flu? - Harry. And then he-
- You f*cker. - And then he held it going, "I dunno what to do." - Number nine's still been sh*t. Number nine. I've be gone 10
minutes. You've done f*ck all. [laughing] - It's sad cause he's winning. Rogers fella, you got no chance. You're no chance against six. You got zero chance
against six, fella. Yeah, you in a Farnham sandwich. [cheering] - It's half time. [hip hop music] - Lovely.
- Come on. - Look at him. You ready? Ready for a good game? Of course. Good game in four. - Enough of that. - Ah, you're sh*t, ah.
- You're also sh*t ah. - All right. We've been
told to go to the pitch. What if none of us hit the crossbar boys? - None of us? - Yeah.
- We go until we do, bro. Do we? Okay. All right. My main fear
here is just slipping. - I know. I'm totally scared. - There's Harry. Let's
put a bet on the line. - A bet.
- Whoever gets the least, - Least? I don't think
any of us will hit it. Last to hit it, buys pints for everyone. - In the ground?
- In the ground. [laughing] - You bastard. You bastard. - Yes, get me on the pitch, boys. - This man is, this is
a comfy man, right JJ, we're not allowed to film
during the actual match. - Yeah.
- But the iron score, what are we gonna do? - What what? My reaction. Oh, oh yes. [clapping hands] - Oh, do-ly good.
- Oh, it was great. - Oh, great job, great job.
- Indeed. Indeed. And then if Crystal Palace score? Oh. - Oh. No, what is that? - Oh. - What a calamity. - Oh, that won't do. - That's all you're
missing out on, really. - Yeah. Essentially. - Yeah. Hi. Hang now I'm
watching football properly. - Oh, wonder what time kickoff
is? How long your kickoff. - Get a pocket watch out. This is in- - Seven minutes to go. - Bring me number nine. - Bring me number nine.
- Bring me number nine. - Bring me number nine. I want number nine. I want Rogers. I want Rogers now, fellas, what'd you think about
the system today? I don't- because I think you, you're not, you're punting your channels.
You're not going channels. What's going on?
- Ethan being a dad. Ethan you can't be a dad of the team bro. - Don't got channels boys. [crowd chanting] - The bubble song. - Okay. [crowd chanting] - Woo! Woo! - Football.
- Sports. - So the games about to
start so we can't film. So we'll see you at half time. [drum and guitar music] - Don't hit a child by
the way. Please, please. - Ohhh. - I can't go higher actually.
It actually wasn't far. How was that? - Whoa. Finish. You dragged the bottom. Go on about- - Oh no, I know I'm not. - Can we get a cheer? - You gotta do it. Yes. - Simon! Simon! Simon! - Way, oh, oh no. I've not taken my pint. [laughing] - 1-1. Edge of the seat start. - I still think 2-1 Crystal Palace. It does look like-
- Either you're gonna be right or Josh is gonna be right. - It's true. It's true. - I said clean sheet. I'm out dictionary. I told car, car said,
look, it's gonna happen. I'm coming in. But now we've
got some stuff going on. So let's go inside. Let's
head inside to film. - Oh. Okay.
- Geez. What's this? - Hello. - I'll tell you what,
this is no Sidemen match. - Do you know what I mean?
- I want to see at least, at least, 10 goals. - 8, 7, 8. - 10 goals by half time. - What's going on in here? - What?
- What's going on? - f*ckin' heck.
- I wanna massage. - You're doing too much. Ay. [laughter] Hello. Hey. - Why is this happening at half time? - I'm getting my nails done. - Oh. sh*tting hell. [laughing] - Ah, you bastard. Yes! Simon! Yes! - Harry, hit it. - Go on. Harry, hit it. - Crossbar please!
- Crossbar! Yay! - [cheering] - Simon on you now. Wait, start now, yeah? - Yeah you're calm. You're calm. - Oh, oh. - Do I just stand here
in the corner and watch? - I'm taking it all off,
I'm doing it proper. - Ready. - You realise that everyone
on that side of the stadium, is just gonna zoom in on you. [laughing] - What a time to be alive.
- Honestly, could've had this before. - Who would have thought? From school days, to this. See. [laughing] - Such a scumbag of a
video, I feel like such a- Why are you gonna scare
the f*ck out of them? - I was gonna say. - Go on Simon. Simon, you got it. - f*ck sakes, I can't. - Yes Harry! Oh! No! Oh! Harry! Harry lost. One go. - Everybody gets a free pint from Harry. - He has to hit this to not lose. - Easy. Boys, boys, boys. I've got this. [laughing] Go on boys. - Ohhhh! - Come on! I, now, and I now carry on. - Sorry. Sorry. - Just go. Just go. Just go. Just go. - Easy! Easy!
- I've lost. - Easy!
- I've lost. - Easy. - Simon lost a football
Jones against me and Bogger, who are absolutely peppered, by the way. Simon! Free pints on everyone! - Hi everyone, you get a free pint! - They're all 12, bro. - Yes. I'm ready. [laughing] Wanna play a game? - You like Jeepers Creepers and
you put sayin' on your face. - I'm, I'm not gonna lie, I might miss the start of the second half. - Yes. Oh my God, man, I needed this in the first 20 minutes of that game. - Are you really gonna sleep?
- Geez. - You've actually got really
good cuticles already. - Yeah, they're beautiful, honestly. - Did you have a manicure before? - No. The girls always
say it though. You see? [laughing] - Girls? - All the friends of my girlfriend. - Oh, come on boys. You're the pros. Go on
though, hit the crossbar. Go on boys.
- What from here? - Yeah, you might as well. - Oh. - Oh, it's close. Mine's closer. I'm just sayin'. - Go on.
- Go on. - Go on Jeffrey. - Oh, oh. - Oh. Your one was close. Simon, would you like another one, yeah? - Yes, please. For knocking my one over. - Please. I'm living my best life. It does feel a little bit odd though, cause through the glass just over there. There's just people just watching us. Like we are the halftime entertainment. - Oh. [laughing] - JJs making some crazy noises. Did you train yesterday JJ? - Ah wait. I've trained every day. - That's rough. - Ah.
- How does your body survive? - I've kind of used to
it though. That's why. - You just used to pain.
- Eventually you just get used to the pain.
- Yeah. - Yeah. - That was a crazy voice crack. Add that to the next
Sidemen reacts compilation. - Oh god damn. - I gotta get in the keeper's head. - Keep right you are
conceding this off fella. You got no chance of saving anything. - I'm sure that hurt. - You can't mean that one.
- I'm jab early, jabbin', early jabbin', early jabbin'. Go Farnham!
- Lovely! - Yes! He's got bright boots yesterday- - Green boots! Hit it, Ah. - It's fine, it's fine. - Keeper, you're balding
mate, the back of your head. [laughing] - Here we go.
- Don't lose your man. Ohhhhhhh. Go on!
- Go on! Nice one.
- Yes. [laughing]
- Yeah. - How long's half time? - 15 minutes.
- Oh, that's the joke. That really is a-
- I'm tell you, I'm missing the first 15
minutes of the second half. I'm getting a massage. - There's no colours.
- No colours. Clear. - I really wish I brought bright red. - I don't think that
would've matched. It's Clara. - Yeah. It needs to be like a claro red. - I would love to see
Josh with some nice red, red nail polish.
- Does that get you goin'? - I think you could pull it off. - Yeah. Are you into that? - Is that how you're feeling? [laughing] [Male Voice] JJ we may
have to cut it short mate. - Oh. Oh. - I'm a radiant tomato. - Oh, that's such a change. - Wow. That's such a
professional technique being used there. - That's okay. - That's crazy. - Why your hand so cold? - I saw this on Cartoon Network. - Wait, what? - Thank you guys so much.
- What's happening, I've lost, - Appreciate you.
- I've got lop-sided eye. - Game time. Game time. - Put your shirt on. Come
on, come on, come on. - Why do you keep looking at my abs bro? - Why'd you keep looking
at my godlike body? Bro. - Don't you dare. While we're losing. I will, I will hit you. I will punch you in the
testicle when we score, when we score, when we
score, when we score. Yes. You're in, you're in, you're in, you're in, you're in. - Ahhh.
- Yeah! - He's just kicked the drum into my leg. - Ah my pint as well. - You kick the drum and
your pint into my leg. - Nearly.
- ♪ We love you Farnham. ♪ ♪ We do. We love you Farnham. ♪
- Hold it in the air bro! - ♪ We do. We love you Farnham. We do! ♪ - Unlucky West ham. - I mean, ah, missed. [laughing] - Mystic KSI, strikes. - I called it bro.
- He called that score, like you know it's
because we called Mystic, Mystic KSI. - We pulled out the KSI. [laughing] - But we f*cked it. We
pulled out the KSI card. - Geez. [violin music] - Oh. - What?! Ayyy. - ♪♪ Living in the next life. ♪ - Geez! - JJ's at his own concert.
- This is it! - Ah my music, my music's kind of lit. My music's kind of sick! - She's going in. - I feel like we shouldn't
be celebrating guys. - This is way better right? [laughing] - Who kicked my pint over?
- You! You! - How many have you got left?
- One. We have one left. - There's a couple left.
- No, there's one pint. They're not pint. - Oh. So one pint for the rest of year. - Oh no, lads they just scored. Lads they just scored.
Lads they just scored. We just conceded. - Who was it? Who was it?
- Number nine. - No way, no way, no way, no way. - Lads, lads, lads, lads, I have an plan, take the other flares and
we go stand in that corner. And we'll cheer,
- Yellow ones? - Yeah in that back, back left corner. We'll cheer and we cheer for them. - Are you down? [music alarm sounds] [clapping] - Oh. [laughing] - What the f*ck? I dunno if I like it. Oh, okay. Oh, okay. I enjoy. Geez. Let's go. Oh, he's staring at me. - Oh no.
- What is he doing? - Oh no. Oh no. - Jesus. [panic screaming] - Oh, okay. Oh geez. Oh. Oh. [laughing] - Oh gheez. - What up? - He's real oh he's real. [laughing] - Go on!
- Come on son. - Go on! - Next one boss. Next one. Next one.
- You're on target, light the flare! Light the flare! No, he's already gone, already- - Next one goes in. - Go on son. Go on. - Oh my God. - Save! - Is that number nine? Oh
no that's number seven. He's offside. He's offside. He's offside. - Crazy. - He's getting sturdy.
- Oh. What is that face? What is that face? - Oh. - That could come in handy. [laughing] - Go left here. - This thing's blocking it. - I think we can go around it. - Thank you.
- Thank you. - I feel really naughty. - What are they called? Happily something? - Tadley.
- Tadley. Boys. - Tadley. - Start a chant now. - Right to the corner boss. - Harry, where are you going? - To the corner. - Huh?
- To the corner. - I think we go here and
we just chant. Tadley. - Pen. Pen! Ref! - We just got here.
- Ref! Ref! Pen, pen, pen, pen,
- Have we chose the wrong team? - Pen, pen.
- Is it a pen? - It's a pen. It's a pen. - Is it a pen? - I need to shout at the keeper, I need to shout at the keeper. - Sorry, sorry. Lemme shout at the keeper.
Lemme shout at the keeper. - This is crazy by the way. - Yeah, well she's been going off. She's been going off. - Why have you gone rogue?
Why have you got rogue? - This is classical.
This is classical, bro. [screaming and laughing] - There you go. - Yeah, yeah. [laughing] - At the ballroom. At the ballroom. Yes. - Woo. Woo woo. - Incredible. - Even though the score
line was a disappointment. - We end the video with
for something sick. - Yeah. What a dub for us. - Keeper, you're f*cked fella! Don't let him back in keeper.
Don't let him back in. You wouldn't would ya?
It's all on you, geezer! It's all on you! - Go on! Go on son! - It's all on you. Oh no. [cheering] - Is this the flare? Is this-?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Farnham!
- Farnham, all right! - Farnham all right! - Farnham, all right! - Wait why am I holding a flare? - Cause they've scored. [grunting] ♪ We love you Farnham! We do!
We love you Farnham! We do! ♪ ♪ We love you Farnham! We
do! Oh Farnham we love you! ♪ - Yes. Take him. Take him. Take him. Come on. [screaming] - Ref! - He did body him there,
he did body him there. - It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. - Oh Lord. Wow.
- Wow. [laughing] - Not all of them. - That's everyone. - Here's everyone. Great to see you man. - Very good. Very good. - How you doing? You good? - Very good, man. - Looking sharp, guys. [everyone greeting each other] - Looking sharp boys. Looking sharp man. - I told you, predicted it, 2-1. - Did ya?
- Yeah. - Predicted it before the game. [laughing]
- He's not happy with you. That's the director by the way. [laughing] That's our sports director by the way. - It was unlucky though,
unlucky, right at the end. - Deflection as well. Innit?
- Yeah, from where I was. - I can't believe your boys
borrowed Coleys clothes. [laughing] - I told you what? Yeah, we've got a boxer in the house innit. - Oh yeah? [men speaking altogether] - Right now! Get the gloves on! - Let's go! - Yes?! [screaming] - Oh my god boys, oh my
god boys, oh my god boys, boys he's missed from two yards, number nine would have held smoke. Damn that was such a ball. - Damn number nine.
- That was it. That was it. That was it. - Alright. Number nine.
f*ck you number one. f*ck you.
- That would've been it. That would've been it.
- It's not over. It's not over. - Good crack. Good crack. Good crack. - Go on! Go on! Ahhh he's too good man. - So good. - Number two is good man. - He's too good. - Pisses me off a bit. He's actually good. Ohhhh no. - They were good though, they were good. - You know what- - You's boys have had it off. - They've got sofas. - I was looking down. Who's
going to the upper game then? The, what is it? A league like, nation league? [Men] They got Farnham. They got Farnham. Ethan's an actual West Ham fan. - Yeah, yeah yeah. - He didn't get this?
- He didn't make the cut. Didn't make the cut. - And I mean, they're all fans. [laughing] - So you kept that quiet all day? - You and all want me to f*ck off. [laughing] - You're wearing Clara, aren't you? - Yeah. [laughing and
having many conversations] - God good luck going back to- I've got West Ham shirt for- - Gonna go "Off with your head" - It's for the video,
that's what I'll tell 'em. It's for the YouTube, it's fine. [screaming] - That was it. - Well play boys, so close boys. - Where's number nine?, where's number? Where's number nine? Hey,
where's, where is he? Where is he? Where is
he? Where's number nine? Where's number nine? Where's- ? - There he is! Hey mate. Tell you what? Tidy, tidy, tidy. You repeating me man.
Why you doing that for? f*cking hell. - Listen, you was the
best player on the pitch. best player on the pitch. I got you though, I got you though. Mate, do you know who he was? You've done everything right
to touch, touch was nuts. The keeper,
- The touch was mad. If you back there, shh-ed me all you want. All you want.
- Straight to the keeper. - Straight to the keeper.
[laughing] - Play boys, well done. - Well play. Well play. Well play. - Whatever mate, have a good one. - Have a good one. [upbeat music with loud bass]
