Sebastian Maniscalco on The Tonight Show

my next guests making his very first appearance on The Tonight Show he's a member of Vince Vaughn's Wild West Comedy Tour he'll be headlining the improv and Houston August 2nd through the 5th please welcome Sebastian Maniscalco oh yeah good to be here yeah last night went on a first date dinner yeah and ladies what the guy is doing on the first date he's just trying to figure out how much the bill is in his head before it's dropped on the table now I went out for sushi I have no idea how much sushi costs chicken salad steak I know what that goes for right a dynamite roll I have no idea what the hell they do so in my head I'm thinking this about $120 the check is dropped they did a quick peek yeah that's what we do on the first day we don't look at it like it's a life insurance policy so I saw it I looked 256 dollars [Music] I closed it and then I started sweating on the inside of my body because I'm the first state you can't let on that that total might bother you right you gotta take that poker face but if you're married and you get a bill like that we'll flip it over do you believe this crap 200 what the hell did you wait you better take a good look at this place we're not coming back here again lick the plate take the wasabi home steal something take some flatware come on but not on the first date that's all internal we're taking that inside right everything's cool we even take out the credit card fool cool we put that on the table so the waiter takes my bill now she starts talking to me I don't hear a word she says she's thinking what job I got to get to pay for this disease I'm looking around the restaurant and I look at what happened to guys macho guys it's embarrassing go look at what they're ordering to drink apple martini you're 35 years you're walking around with a green drink ample floatin on you go get a beer or something that tastes like gasoline same guy walking around with flip-flop sandals have you seen some of these guys feet can you see the guy with the finger foot ever seen this guy walking toes so long he's got knuckles on it like you can pick up an orange and throw it you got a hand on your foot socket it's the same guy at Starbucks making up his own drink you ever get behind this guy gets excited when it's his turn can't wait to tell the whole line what he came up with he's like yeah how the soy chai vanilla chip dulce de leche hazelnut Frappuccino please what'd you get a black coffee and you go to work this is this is today's man ladies this is what we're looking at I blame the women this guy always dating a beautiful looking woman what are you thinking this is your rock this is who you turn to for protection you're walking home one night a mugger flies out of the bush what's Trevor gonna do put his flip-flops sipping on his frappe he can't even throw hot coffee at the guy balls get away stand back honey I got this I will sandal [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] you

Channel: Sebastian Maniscalco

Views: 3,206,152

Keywords: The Tonight Show With Jay Leno (TV Program), Sebastian (TV Actor), Comedy (Film Genre), Stand-up Comedy (TV Genre), First Date, Sebastian Maniscalco, Jay Leno, Bill, Expensive

Id: EXgvsiMjCwc

Length: 5min 48sec (348 seconds)

Published: Wed Jan 25 2012