Scottish Independence: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver (HBO)

our main story this week is Scotland Americans know it as the birthplace of Shrek and and that accent you think you can do but actually can't well this coming Thursday Scotland is facing a major decision Scotland will vote this week on whether to leave the United Kingdom but the first time in modern history London could be at risk of losing control of Scotland it could become its own country yes it seems like England may lose yet another country and look I'm not saying the Sun is setting on the British Empire let's just say the restaurant of history is switching to its dinner menu now now there is a lot to explain here especially because when most American people think about Scottish independence they tend to picture this [Music] oh yes nothing screams Scottish freedom quite like a millionaire Australian anti-semite on horseback is currently a member of the United Kingdom which is not a country it's actually a complicated political and economic union think of it as an okapi logic supergroup comprised of four variously willing members and to understand why Scotland may want to leave you really need to understand the history of its relationship with England for centuries England and Scotland remained separate and frequently at war but in 1707 they formed a single country Great Britain a decision that's been controversial in Scotland ever since oh yeah I'd say it's still controversial given that as you can see here we are still role-playing with wooden swords to try and emotionally work through it so Scotland and England have been involved in something of a 300 year arranged marriage and look oh I will be the first one to acknowledge England has been a little bit of a dick since the honeymoon in 1746 we actually banned the kilts just because we knew they liked it we chose god save the king as the UK's national anthem a song which at one point had a verse referencing rebellious Scots to crush although although to be fair we later realized that that was wrong and replaced it with a line about pissing on the Welsh but two and a half years ago it was announced that Scotland would finally get to vote on its independence and since then there has been a spirited campaign live our two campaigns yes Scotland's backed by the SNP and the Scottish greens and better together okay for a start better together is not a great name for a campaign it sounds like what people say to convince themselves to stay in a dead marriage I'm not saying we're good together Marion I'm saying we're better together tax wise it's preferable to the alternative why are you crying Marion I'm saying something nice and if you think their name is uninspiring wait until you hear their slogan no thanks no thanks no thanks no thanks no thanks is a violently British way to refuse something that is just one step away from oh I couldn't possibly [Laughter] what's even more interesting here is who is helping fund these two campaigns Harry Potter author JK Rowling wants Scotland to stay part of the UK Raleigh has donated 1.6 million dollars to the better together campaign yep but that's not really a surprise is it she famously wrote a book where a redhead played second fiddle to a magical Englishman I shall have all the powers and your brothers can die fighting my Wars come on meanwhile meanwhile the opposing side has received 80% of its funding from these two people jackpots her Scottish couples scooped a hundred and sixty-one million pounds on the lottery making them Europe's biggest ever winners that's right the pro-independence campaign is predominantly financed by lottery winners they're like an adorable Scottish version of the Koch brothers so so so let's just look at the two arguments first the case in favor of Scottish independence we can take matters into Scottish hands no one absolutely no one will run the affairs of this country better than the people who live and work in Scotland and to be fair he might be right about that Scots know how to run a country because when they got to choose a national animal they selected and I swear this is true a unicorn [Applause] the fictional animal yeah America's probably kicking itself for choosing the balls eagle now on you you could have picked a Wookiee in a top hat or whatever the grimace is look he looks like a magic Genie granted a wish to Gorbachev but mark but an otter awesome for their national flower the Scots chose a thistle that is a plant made out of tiny knives and a throwing star the only flower I like is a flower that could pierce an Englishman's throat there are legitimate reasons for Scotland to want to govern itself for instance it's a predominantly liberal country which has frequently been governed by a conservative UK government and seldom has that divided be more pronounced than right now when the UK's Prime Minister is David Cameron Cameron's problem is there as a posh Southern Tory he's seen in Scotland as the personification of everything that's wrong with England and the UK yeah I agree with that he embodies all the things I hate most about England and I'm English let me prove this - this is a picture of him as a student at Oxford he's in tails now Cameron says he's desperately embarrassed by that photo which is why it pains me so much to be showing it to you can we get a close-up on his face because that is the face of a man who fast forwards through the servant parts of doubt and Abbey just who cares what's happening downstairs let's just hope the soup doesn't get cold in fact let me show you what an David Cameron is one of the biggest issues in the independence debate concerns the fact that Scotland has a surprisingly large amount of oil but watch how David Cameron responded to a simple parliamentary question about who should control revenues from it a poll last week sure that 68% of Scots want oil revenues devolved to Scotland does the Prime Minister agree that 68% of Scots are there denoise if if you if you asked a stupid question you get a stupid answer [Applause] imagine that sound for 300 years and it gives you some sense of why Scotland may be ready to leave okay so let's look at the ante independence campaign now clearly they had some serious work to do unfortunately their attempts to win hearts and minds involved this controversial commercial targeted at women featuring a Scottish mother confused by the whole concept of Independence who has just sent her kids off to school best paper they do this when they're all late nice and quiet if you tend to think helps you clear your head she more the last stop two minutes don't get me wrong I know how important this vote is there's not much time left for me to make a decision there's so many hours in the day oh it's so confusing it hunts Maori head and just a woman you know just a pair of ovaries and sandbags how do I possibly have the mental capacity to pick from one of two options totally down for a no and never trust me with an important decision again the crazy thing about this is that the anti independent side actually has some legitimate arguments to make leaving the UK could potentially have some serious consequences for Scotland if they vote for independence Scots have been warned that they risk losing the pound as their currency yeah they could lose the pound and that's not nothing because if they do they need to have to join the currently unstable euro or revert to Scotland's old currency which I believe was sheep and threats I'll give you a three sheep for that nut punch in the face that we have why do they hate us and and also while the pro-independence campaign has put a great deal of emphasis on Scotland's oil there are genuine concerns over how much might actually be left reserves are dwindling the Office for Budget Responsibility expects the number of barrels produced to decline from two million a day in 2012 to just half a million in 2014 and if that's true that might be a problem because if you've ever been there you will know that solar power is not an option for Scotland so those are the two sides and with the vote just days away this thing is set to go down to the wire this morning in shock Brits woke up to headlines like these don't let me be the last Queen of Scotland last stand to keep the Union a new poll for the UK Sunday Times newspaper shows 51% of Scots plan to vote YES for independence and if it comes down to just one vote we all know who will be called upon to break that tie go with your gut Nessie you do Hyun se you do you it seems it seems like there is a real chance that Scotland may leave and if they do just so you know there are going to be some significant consequences for everybody they might also have to say cheerio to something more symbolic the beloved Union Jack you see the current flag which hasn't changed in over two hundred years is a mix between England's Cross of st. George Scotland's Cross of st. Andrew and Ireland's Cross of Saint Patrick the government could ditch the blue-and-white cross of st. Andrews for something that looks like this oh great well there goes my bedspread my shower curtain my wallpaper and my dog I'll believe it we can't do it he's not just flags that are a cause for concern there is also the small matter of this this Scottish National Party wants to get rid of the nuclear weapons that are currently based in Scotland and shift them back to England and that would be a huge problem for the United Kingdom yeah that would also be a huge problem for everybody because we have nowhere to keep them right now I mean I guess we could disguise them as Buckingham palace guards but people are going to notice that after a while and Scotland wants those weapons gone their leaders have described them as and I quote an affront to basic decency and this is coming from the land of the haggis a boiled sheeps stomach stuffed with organ meats it is no wonder the British government is suddenly panicking they are scrambling to make nice with Scotland but here's the problem when you haven't been nice to someone for a thousand years it's very difficult to suddenly start for instance last week they tried raising the Scottish flag over 10 Downing Street watch how that went on the roof of Downing Street on the orders of the Prime Minister no less a moment of high symbolism oh dear and it's not as though everything was going swimmingly before not even English flag poles can suddenly start treating Scotland with the respect it deserves get this rag off me get it off I can't get this blue mess off me act and in the last ditch effort David Cameron has even tried like a romantic hero to turn up at Scotland's door and plead for them plead for them not to leave I would be heartbroken if this family of Nations that we've put together and that we've done such amazing things together if this family of Nations was torn apart that's it that's the best pleading you've got there are only four days left look if I've learned one thing from the last four minutes of British romantic comedies is that if you're trying to win someone over you need a big romantic gesture a kiss in the rain a kiss in the snow turning up to someone's door with romantic side expressing your love for them because he can't say it out loud because her husband your best friend is in the next room which is a bit tough but but whether it is effective its effective so with that in mind let's do this because right now Scotland I'm just a boy standing in front of a nation asking it to continue tolerating me you want me to show you what I'm willing to do to save this relationship here I will eat some habits there are literally sheep lungs in my mouth let me just wash that down with some fine Scottish whiskey it tastes like a delicious house fire look at me Scotland I'm drunk on scotch I'm trying to choke back sheep along vomits so kiss me Scotland what do you mean this isn't enough look here's your national animal [Applause] and if that's not enough unlike the ultimate sacrifice oh yes that's right I will find enjoyment of my pop music [Applause] people particular song [Applause] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Applause]

Channel: LastWeekTonight

Views: 18,357,952

Keywords: Scotland, England, David Cameron, hbo, john oliver, British Empire

Id: -YkLPxQp_y0

Length: 15min 18sec (918 seconds)

Published: Sun Sep 14 2014

Reddit Comments

[u/Captn_Slow]

Dailymotion for those outside the US:

Link

[u/RegBarclay]

It bums me out that people constantly make jokes about haggis because that stuff is delicious.

[u/caroline_]

To be fair, the national animal of Wales is a dragon, and that better than a Unicorn.

[u/allsheneededwassome]

Anyone got a mirror link for outside the US?

[u/[deleted]]

I've never seen an Englishman with such an American sense of humor before...

[u/WinchenzoMagnifico]

How to play the John Oliver Intro guitar riff

Eb tuning, sounds like a single coil guitar

1st chord is x x x 7 8 7 alternating with x x x 7 8 5 for the little top melody

2nd chord is x x 7 7 7 x and x x 7 7 5 x

3rd chord is descending run on the G string with the A string as a drone, mute the d string

x 0 x 6 x x x ----> x 0 x 4 x x x----> x 0 x 2 x x

[u/forgottenpassword04]

The flag is actually an issue, just red and white crosses doesn't look good enough.

[u/archypenko]

For the record I live in scotland. Video not available in my country. Thanks.

[u/hard_dazed_knight]

Why is a video about Scottish independence not available in the UK?