Schmidt being Jewish for 7 minutes and 48 seconds

I'm like a Jewish Peter Pan pet Japan Peter Pan Smith it's a it's aura son he hates juice I mean she really hates them everybody hates the Jews your mom's in the majority there Comes A Time and every person's life when for no reason whatsoever they are irresistible to the opposite sex for me it was the third night of Hanukkah 96 which I like to refer to as the night of the shashanas kids would love it and we'd get to spend time together you got to do it it's a Mitzvah bro the plan doesn't change I'm still Marrying an Indian guy no yeah that's fine but he went home with a junior turban so I'm just saying [Music] he's a Jew in the desert I don't want him to wander Nick I came up with the best name for an uncircumcised penis bishop and a turtleneck yeah what the hell happened to you got beat up by some rabbis you got me this time Hebrew but I'll be back so just rejoice in song [Music] okay but I can't make him into a model not in modern day America in the 1970s Israel maybe maybe taking a town car not pack six deep like a Hasidic family going to the food store yeah they're kicking us out on our tick two kisses trying to say Texas two kisses luckily you're a man and you deserve your bar mitzvah money honey without my mom's help I don't think we can afford to parachute the rabbi what is this oh thank God hey how are you I dropped something in the band and I need it back you Jewish I'm firmly planted in stage three bargaining dear God if you stop Cece's breast reduction I'll circumcise coach as you all know from my many emails in a sponsored tweet I looked at Ferguson as Jewish so in the Jewish tradition we unveil his gravestone on the first anniversary of his Passage Fergie accomplished a lot in his time on Earth eating sleeping walking around doing that thing with his paw you know where he licked it a whole bunch yeah he lived the full life Schmidt will you begin the service I mean you would have been my nightmare we were on very strict instructions from Rabbi shmuli not to say a word until the last Christian kid found out about Santa Claus ruining Christmas very bad for our brand over there go cover yourself making me gayer I gave him one for his birthday too but just laughed in my face gave it back to me for Hanukkah I'm so sick of hanging out with Christians this is my last Christian Christmas you know I come from a Jewish family but she used to tell me the reason Santa didn't come to our house was because my room was dirty to humping I'm ready to do a Tzatziki this is not about sadaka right now this is about me being a good man and you telling me that look at that another mitzvah tonight um I think your bagel fell out of your mouth I'm Jewish I'm like the Hebrew cheetah to charity or sadaka as my people call it a good man we got a code Jewish code Jewish you're under arrest all right you can't date him anyway you're not Jewish So Over My Dead Body and all that I mean look the character based on me is a Jewish psychopath who wears a bolo tie and eats applesauce out of a baboon skull that's here we need a murder of peppercorn and a some of that flat Jew bread Miller family you are kind you are brave you are Maccabee smarter mate I'm gonna go to schmagel Bagel spins no even if I turn into a bloated Ashkenazi marshmallow nights where I'm dying for my zadie's egg salad pastrami piled a mile high basically yeah muscle tub to the both of you well I don't know what Mazel Tov means but it doesn't sound good I hate Christmas first of all it means that Hanukkah is over but I call her thirsty thirsty Mendelson oh you made her Jewish I didn't make her Jewish Mendelson she's not Jewish well Thursday her last name is Madison she's Jewish tell you what her first name is too it's Rachel you look fantastic for your father's funeral now I have nothing but the shemata on my back and my body are the girls Jewish one Indian one regular do you want to see a picture wingman sich Jewish girl sensible nose high level Target what we've given to this country Jazz the management of jazz musicians Schmitz I'm not rubbing a paint from that Pro Nazi film right it doesn't pronounce it of course it is this place will be an SS propaganda movie when she puts the hand into the uh no and not well that happens too Nazis I don't think that makes you enough they ate the monkey brains and there was all the bugs Nazi Nazi water at Jaipur Aviv tastes like it's been fracked see you guys there jaipura V yeah Schmidt named their house Jaipur Aviv to celebrate the union of India and Israel that their marriage represents you must think that I'm a real schmendra and horror hey your phone hey phone Jewish god done me forever I know we're on you forever and ever until you're buried in a non-jewish cemetery you see earlier tonight when we were practicing the horror I don't mean this anti-jewish at all but that insane judeance has ruined our lives let us please not repeat the mistakes that we made at my eight nights of Hanukkah party for a Jewish giant I had a surprising knack for selling Christmas trees there he is alive and well muscle no you have more costumes in your closet those costumes are for Purim perms and Mark uh they didn't have a Jewish star at the store so I got you a regular cookie and I made the star Myself by breaking off the pieces it's meant to celebrate your Jewish heritage what is this the Jewish star I just said that hey Schmidt just this is so terrible you're like the only Jewish Greek god Hercules you're cute as a button Rocco Todd a nice dress you have tried every single variation that Winston Finn Winston to derogatory black Winston Jew Winston obviously problematic point is I know about private schools and the whole system is corrupt said the very fuzzy one until the Jewish carrot farmer brought down his mighty shovel right to jam the business end of a drumlet straight up and then things got worse I can only describe what I experienced next is where's my where's my skin and get in here rub my feet before I divorce you yet to loving Ashkenazi ass there she is a beautiful piece of commentation what the hell is helmentation

Channel: Ron Haim

Views: 316,983

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Id: -6UC2f64SkA

Length: 7min 48sec (468 seconds)

Published: Sun Feb 19 2023