modern family out of context (season 1)

on paper we should be good friends look at us one spicy curvy diva and gloria go around we're recreating a faux pas casablanca all i did was this casablanca casablanca well listen when my granddaughter's boyfriend's band plays an under 21 club with my daughter-in-law's brother's gay partner i show up that's just how i was raised what a mom sometimes i wish you were my mom oh god phil all he wanted to do is dance and that's my story five hours of this i just wanna dance with the ballet see he's perfect look at him getting coffee and not putting chocolate in it he's so mature just to be clear i'm not condoning eating your kids but i sure as heck know why giraffes do it we're very good friends with a couple named lewis and clark clark bought a big sparkly belt in new orleans that he calls this louisiana purchase but the lavender ranch it's something two men are meant to do together come on let me paint you oh sweetie that is so creepy why would you dress her in jungle prince because i thought it would be cute you gotta think she's back in vietnam lily lily honey you know what they say every time god closes the door he opens a window okay i guess in this case every time he walks out okay what do we got here he was a very nice man when we met him but based on his recent letters i have a small fear he's become a warlord so if i was in one of your bars and righteous brothers were on you know would you uh i don't i would check me out dad you're really close to ruining gay for me i don't know what happened they just uh somehow lost their vigor they were like this when we came home oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god [Music] look at that two things flaming at once sure people look at us sometimes and sometimes even i can't believe we're together but we're happy at the end of the day there's no one i'd rather come home to i hit ten straight fast balls in the batting cage and my best friend jeff sweeney stepped in and took one in the groin i yelled out ball two everybody laughed that was when i knew i was funny i just wanted to tell you how great you were last night uh phil sorry i got the um the oil everywhere but hey sweetie on our sheets honey honey remember when the salesman told us that the santa was built with the whole family in mind yeah well the whole family just heard that maybe we're not providing her with the feminine energy that she needs yeah i wouldn't be too concerned about that my dream for him is that one day he'll be on the supreme court why cam so at parties i can tell everyone my partner is one of the supremes until you sweep too much under the rug then you got a lumpy rug creates a tripping hazard open yourself up to lawsuits well you can go a really long time without blinking you come into my house and you insult me and my boyfriend who by the way is not that dramatic look at that baby with those cream puffs okay excuse me excuse me but this baby would have grown up in a crowded orphanage if it wasn't for us cream puffs and you know what no to all of you who judge hear this love knows no race creed or gender and shame on you you small-minded ignorant few what she's got oh my son will die a virgin that's right oh oh oh wait he loves that oh i bet he does oh god that's my back sweetheart oh oh i slipped in the baby oil i could take luke home with me no be my guest seriously you're right no i like it here this is about a little boy who deserves some happiness and he's gonna get that from his weird gay clown uncle fizbo is not gay he's asexual he's an innocent that's what i'm talking about you two talking about it there she is the prettiest white woman on maui i don't know what my husband is saying to you or why he's covered in your underwear 295 295 495 forty percent off forty percent off forty percent off i think he wants to go out good boy smart dog i hate to break it too but i think all dogs can do that i'm gonna play outside don't you have an eating disorder you need to attend to our butts pressed against each other they didn't press it was glancing stop talking about oh come on all the time you've spent in the locker room this can't be your first moon landing i am telling you that kid is a genius there's the rainmaker why is your ipod in your mouth i'm charging it you know naturally the ape ladies come running presenting their nice scarlet behinds papa ape wants to stop all that but he can't you know that's that's life i'm not the enemy the enemy is poachers it was not my fault i promise you that's what that sound was it was the big cupcake what are we watching brian de palma's controversial masterpiece scarface the only way she'll be happy is if i'm some asian stereotype but that just isn't me pretend you're telling the story of his life to someone who has never heard of him what do you put on that board i see the wheels spinning the spark how did they get the lead and pencils okay i just i miss being on your team little gay there you go i mean i would choose i don't know i don't know i don't know [Music] hmm oh silly me i had the sticks in the wrong hands well i guess i could use about a belt yeah you're right i don't need it extension cord works pretty good oh come on man she's not your sister give her a proper snow oh oh that's a bad joke not funny my sister lost her feet to complications from diabetes why would they send a soviet colonel to get a little boy because i could identify every commie plane cam get in there get in there all the way up our room get get in there come on come on get in there get she hasn't been drinking hashy oh no no she's she's hilarious okay let's do bride of frankenstein oh so good he's got this almost scientific mind with the thirst for knowledge he's like this little einstein [Music] [Music] we happen to be a very traditional family yes that's what the disabled lesbian shaman who blessed lily's room said too it was a topless woman on a tractor you know what they call that in europe a serial commercial um all right this is gonna sound a little gay but um when when you and i well her first word was every gay father's worst nightmare mommy there must be something wrong with this phone i've rubbed it on my head for like an hour what but it will be swimming and running and rolling it's just like how some of my relatives got into this country if neither of us is with anybody in 10 years how about you and me give it a shot that's disturbing but maybe it's a miracle i didn't end up a stripper i got boo boo bear from the freezer why do you have chocolate on your face it was under a pie so you ate your way to it i made a judgment call you weren't there i'm telling him that every time he looks at porn god kills a puppy no one can hear me now everybody is stupid except me hahaha i am funny i was thinking we book a couple's massage i accidentally looked in on one they seemed really relaxed until they noticed me oh do we still have the number for poison control i love you claire i always love you my mouth is asleep like at the dentist just turn it off i can't turn it off it's who i am the music i'm not man enough to fight this here hold my purse it's like steve jobs and god got together to say we love you phil you didn't go to osaka november 2003 to attend electronics trade show i was four i love you no the barbecue for god's sake i'm sure your steaks would have been delicious and not chewy okay [Music] laugh out loud omg oh my god wtf why the face um you know i know all the dances to high school musical i could do this all day yeah not all for you maybe a couple of them honestly i wish that tart would go back to columbia and take her weird little brown friend with her when you're out shopping you might want to pick yourself up a training bra i know you don't need one now but your little boobies are going to come in soon mommy loves you kitten [Music] sometimes at night i think it's the devil what the hell are you i'm the ass kicking clown that'll twist you like a balloon animal i will beat your head against this bumper until the airbags deploy how many pairs of underwear do you have on one six hear those footsteps that's luke dunphy and he's gonna drink your milkshake uh business partners uh mergers and acquisitions i'm kidding we're gay stop talking cam's right you know we create new traditions every year so who's ready to try to swing try not to talk i want to make sure nothing's broken gloria i think it's drivable gloria i don't have any deep-seated anger remember that halloween when i wouldn't let you go is olivia newton i don't know what's happened to me but i just stole a baby's intellectual property what you'll see it tonight on the news hi manny the universe is cold and loveless uh-oh but i really really really just wanted to get a job so i can go back to being a stay-at-home dad slash trophy wife but give him a pair of wings he can fly can you call andre have him paint something a little less gay mommy okay okay no no no she's she's made her choice she's made her choice enter a destination hell mexican food hey monkey no standing around there you go here goes another one there you go here comes all of them there you go gloria we all know you'd be fine without underwear i mean we know it's not about that you're very strong homes thanks in this family do we kick and punch each other or do we love each other i love each other that's right the doll says mommy no says mommy says mommy you know what we should do get pregnant i was gonna say go for ice cream okay we do yours first how did you get oh oh my god what did you do you're thinking that is an expensive cell phone it's just the beginning look at your seatbelt lady you're being wooed the agreement was that if he shoots someone you shoot him we were serious about that yes we were and now you have to follow through i'm so sorry liar i don't do that stuff you're all the porn i need that's honey one time my dad was struck by lightning that's why he can drink as much as he wants trust me i had plenty of fun in my time and then i met your mom and thank you so obviously i need strangers to trust me i don't take kindly to it when someone tom selleck's my bus bench hey pal how's it going am i charming oh boy you know what would be cool mom what's that if the plane flew into a storm and crashed landed onto an island like in lost why when did i become this horribly cynical person who assumes the worst about people i first noticed that seven years you're not that feels weird and good all at once i know i was leaning up against that nozzle a minute ago am i attracted to her yes would i ever act on it no no way not while my wife is still alive hey uh dad do you remember when i was uh probably 11 and you were teaching me how to fight and then i quit yeah when you said everything you needed to learn you'd learn from west side story i thought it might be medically relevant really you thought ghetto fabulous might be medically relevant to intrepid explorers make their way on a journey oh oops you better run to that counter run run well i was giving it back he better call it or i'm going to introduce him to the captain and to neil it's just nice to see out of your lab coat you actually have quite a nice figure take it down a notch we're just trying to make a friend not initiate a three-way only comes when we need him he's like batman but straight you can be part of the problem or part of the solution but i happen to believe that you can be both i should kill that baby what the people here cameron i'm pretty sure i had wheels when i parked here get him a gift card a gift card yeah who hurt you everybody dies boys let's focus on what's important our next game is in one hour i gave her my heart she gave me a picture of me i was an old time sheriff although he did die doing what he loved refusing service to hippies who came into his store [Music] i just think it's a little over the top you know what you need to loosen up and have fun can i say something no no you can't mario emergency assistance this is trina we locked our baby in the car and people are judging us no slapping your own butt but that's how we make my horsey go my god how many bets have you killed just the two you get fries with that shake because i kept the whole gay thing very under wraps you know i was just a guy's guy i was basically a jock merry christmas wow even your apology is off key not cool buddy in my country there's a saying that means love is just around the corner i come from a neighborhood with a lot of prostitutes i am not really sure where the fear comes from my mother says it's because when i was a kid i found a dead clown in the woods but who knows hey honey hugh grant i'm in so you ever kissed another girl that's no way to talk to your grandmother so you're his uncle stop saying that or sit on your chest again hey if i was home right now i'd be mixing up a bathtub full of eggnog and trying to squeeze a greased hog into a santa hat you don't think i missed that without you we wouldn't even have a baby to injure i hate the dog butler don't be mad oh cam olivia newton john i've done madonna the early years stevie wonder oh gorgeous oh thank you it's vintage thank you mount lily you don't know that okay that didn't help i know we're parents but can't we be lovers too this may be my worst birthday ever one day i'm gonna be a grandfather and then everybody better hide their meat you know all women should look as tasty as you when they're old huh i would be happy to let her change in my room

Channel: blink twice

Views: 1,241,262

Keywords: modern family, modern family crack, comedy, modern family season 1, modern family moments, modern family funny moments, funny moments, funny, modern family meme, phil dunphy, claire dunphy, luke dunphy, alex dunphy, haley dunphy, mitchell pritchett, cameron tucker, cam tucker, jay pritchett, manny delgado, gloria pritchett, mitch pritchett, modern family memes

Id: vaSsdKWzMjQ

Length: 18min 40sec (1120 seconds)

Published: Fri Dec 31 2021