New Girl moments that I think about way too often

okay shall i compare thee to a summer's day no a summer's day is not a [ __ ] california lionfish it's perfect i must have it oh sadly sir you can't what do you mean can't it's illegal sir this fish is protected by the great state of california give me it where are you schmidt this place is fancy and i don't know which fork to kill myself with no that's crazy that ain't real that's dumb that's straight dumb you're dumb you're nice this is what we're gonna do i'm gonna say the word sponge and you guys are gonna say the first word that pops into your head okay ready one two three sponge sponge yellow sponge that's mine how do you think this is your towel do you even wash it no i don't wash the towel the towel washes me who washes a towel you never wash it you wash your towel you never wash the towel what am i gonna do wash the shower next any idiot can take care of a cactus winston she thinks i'm an idiot why are you watering a cactus it's because i'm an idiot you don't just buy a porsche off the lot and immediately enter in the grosser price on deutschland what the grosser price from bushland just you and me are going to get weird about rice do you seinfeld come nick that's seifel what's the deal with bananas i mean they got orange juice you got apple juice where's the banana juice i never thought of that 29. can you please not tell anybody i just did that that feels embarrassing actually you know what i don't care what people think do you think i care too much about what people think tana's not real winston shut up stupid you're a dummy you're those so and i don't even like you're the okay oh here we go okay the moon landing mm-hmm uh which is obviously fake no it's not obviously no that's actually the shadows are off no they're not yes sir i've looked at photos on the internet and it approves it nick the shadows are off the shadows are off the shadows good luck oh you're singing listening to some love and gay [Music] jess you can't teach people how to write not true but i say that as a writer also a writing class is for somebody who doesn't think lyrically in terms of like poetic words that just are strong my roommates are killing me i'm fine you're right okay i like them all right i hate myself is that what you want me to say did you hear the joke about the two black guys and two white guys who walked into a police station the two white guys came out respect for cows of course i love uh the taj mahal deepak chopra anyone named patel love mango chutney uh really any type of chutney before you there's like there's like nothing i've got like no girls on the horizon [Music] in a hot way i put it on permanent press good so you don't have to iron it i'm not convinced i know how to read i've just memorized a lot of words stop being so mean to me or i swear to god i'm going to fall in love with you cover your ears and sing landslides i love and i took it too we need some rain this is actually a really good time i believe you had me pressed up against the casket merlot at the time oh he's a bottom look i don't want to get too graphic with you but i'm not just a plug with her i'm also a socket god how long have you been standing there uh right around your mama got a mouth on the back of her neck and then [ __ ] chew like this that ass i don't see the difference exactly please actually you know what i was doing stop [ __ ] i honestly don't see the difference as the stench of filth and lust is all over this rim it smells like freaking tiawata what goss gossin house goes in you goes in hell it goes in you jeff goes and me goes jess what oh yes never jumped out of a movie car before like one time a girl said to me jess you rock a lot of polka dots ooh how did she say it jazz you rock a lot of polka dots it is diabolical no yeah really sorry you know i don't think you're a loser right i can't hear anything you say when you wear that sweater schmidt you open your mouth and i just hear cardigan cardigan i am wearing a cardigan i love the juxtaposition of highbrow literary with lowbrow youth culture it's almost too much juxtaposition for me you know what i mean it's like right up to the line of juxtaposition but i think i'm going to let it slide babe you have some powdered sugar randolph i'm starving come on just let me get it off so fast i got these spices that are for me to eat if you want the slices get your own slices jess the men in suits here the professionals would like to know what i'm a professional too you're not pleased you work in a bar it's a whole different thing i respect you just please mike junior said to his dad mike senior who sucks magazine it's a major theme throughout this man this is like a guy thing territory you know just you know the guy thing you know jess doesn't get it it's a territory stop copying russell i'm not copying him i love him okay fine let's do this what are you doing we should take those shavings and then sprinkle him by his car let me just get this clear take the little bit of dust and go outside and put it near his car yes that's not a prank yes it is that's just kind of littering i'm about to pin the tail on the donkey dude you better not stand in the way of this don't call her up a donkey i don't even know her well and i want her to leave but please don't call her up i won't go donkey i'm just having fun right now i feel you i feel you girl i want to feel it i feel boxed in and i'm very quick on my uh did you just forget the word feet what are you two doing here oh cece way just nothing we're just i know do you think that she saw me what of course she saw you do you think she saw me well yeah you don't have a hat on when i saw her i felt like it was christmas morning and i was 10 but a 10 year old about to have sex with santa and it was yeah this is getting worse don't call me son you know but i love you so much i miss i've never seen you i don't know what he looks like they'll use this [Music] what did you do to her i just told her that i thought drinking would make her cool are you a 14 year old hockey player and if i wanted to come over here you'd be dead i'm gonna fudge this so scared shaky shaky i literally have not moved i'm so not worried about you a white man broke in today oh a white man no well what does security do about it nothing typical i'm pretty sure i'm having a heart attack and i haven't arranged for anybody to clear my internet history i wasn't building a bomb i was just curious we have had a lot of really good times together and i just oh my god oh my god oh my goodness oh my god i still read her emails though every day birthday all right damn damn never drive because deep down you don't think you're good enough to get it done [Music] that's also that's possibly true you're not the only one that's hurting here jessica day the economy stinks bees are dying movies are pretty much all sequels now and i don't have a say have a broken penis don't pretend to know my pain but you're clearly not getting the job done which is why she'll always come back from mine as soon as you get help and it might help you're never the same no one helps me better than i help myself i told you if you just guide me let's not get into that now uh and then the dog sees it and uh and fruits dangle dang it uh it's dangling uh dog dog dog man this party is bad ass all right don't act like i didn't see you over there eating all the shark cut the uh the shark cup charcuterie the charcoal it's like i didn't see you eating the shark charcuterie no i'm just eating edamame let me cut they taste so bad tearing our way through the reception listening to what you're saying isn't it sweet it's a metaphor for togetherness all five of us sex fists in our way we'll pack our lunches we'll cut out coupons it's coupons coupons yeah no you're saying cupboards it's not important we'll cut out coupons how rude of me i haven't given you enough time to freak out yet you may do so now i'll find out about her date with paul later what a ridiculous name oh hey my name is poo pow po i don't even know how to pronounce that paul take that paul i'll take him to a water park i will i'll put him on one of those water slides between two obese people and they'll get smushed to death die and die in a water he'll dive in between the obese people before he drowns in the water what hmm oh the guy who's never done weed it's not the proper time it's smoked weed you don't do weed that's a taste you said it you could just say schmidt's asleep schmidt's asleep got it no you're putting weird emphasis on weird syllables you do it schmidt's asleep hey [ __ ] she may sleep and slip because this is my life it's my dream nothing's going to stop me now it feels like that's from something it's like it feels like love you know me i'm only attracted to guys who are afraid of success and think someone famous stole their idea in your defense i've been working on my body doing my burpees and it's shows i feel like we've gotten a lot of great well winston this is all your fault this is all your fault don't talk to me don't talk now you're just gonna sit there and mimic the thing with the hands yeah all right well first hurdle the instructions are written upside down ah it's a false alarm it's just foot lotion because i wanted to be a bartender not because i couldn't be a lawyer this also says spaghetti sandwich that's just cause it's a great idea we have a great idea ready time you better step down son you're taking this whole thing too far i'm sitting hold me back coach i'm i'm serious hold me back hold me back coach would you please hold me back i'm not gonna let you down are you taking a a break right now uh i think we're all aware of that why are you talking like that come on we're all aware of that guys gone from riches to rags to reverse adding oh spoiler alert now you just ruined annie listen to me i guess we have to listen to this whole song not a fan kill me please the worst taking care of business taking care of business and working overtime work out

Channel: things i like!

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Id: ljn2I497ZPw

Length: 11min 1sec (661 seconds)

Published: Mon May 31 2021