Sarah Swafford - "Relationships Revealed" - 2018 Steubenville Rochester

[Music] [Applause] [Music] freaking love you people come on oh my gosh okay how about we talk about relationships yeah grab a seat find your seat fast let's do this ayo ayo watch us move watch us go watch us move let just go hey let's give it up for Cooper one more time what the heck I love that guy okay I can't sing I wish I could rap I am all-time cowbell you will see that later it's good time can we get why we have the time can we give it up for sonar as well what the heck you buckets okay I'm gonna start talking cuz here's the problem I have 30 minutes to do three hours of what I wish I could give you so can I are you guys up for I talk a little bit fast I'm really sorry but I want to get this all in so you guys okay with that yeah here's the deal how was the men's and women's sessions this morning huh fellas we missed you but we're glad you got time with Brian cuz he's the man what and the girls and I had everybody took he looks like a good time in here as well so here's the deal men and women equal in dignity different complement one another amen this is a relationships talk and I know we're talking family we're talking friends we're talking relationships this talk we're talking opposite sex ayo so here's the deal men and women created dignity equal yeah a little different right um do men and women do we sometimes miss each other just just a little bit um yeah men are women a little bit like hard to understand a little confusing a little complicated sometimes over emotional oh okay good the men are here the men are here okay good I can kind of see you okay well how about this ladies do men care okay so so there's a few stereotypes right we miss each other sometimes men are like Sarah well you know what to do you say anything I did wrong I don't even know what to do right like we just like walk away slowly like don't set it off right like women we're a little complicated rule are hard understand ladies always come up to me they're like guys don't care about anything they don't care about me themselves hygiene I'm gonna die alone with the hundred cats right but men care I know they care somewhere deep down in there right okay so here's the deal this is what this talk is about ready I'm gonna hold the hand of the men I'm gonna hold the hand of the women and I'm gonna have a conversation that you would rather eat your arm off than have with the opposite sex okay so here's what's gonna happen all the fellas come to me in secret and they're like what do we do like we're supposed to be like leading this whole party and we don't know what to do right and I'm like okay I'm in this with you we're together right we can do this right men men we can do this right yeah were you at good it's like one of my favorite talks to give is like the all guys Catholic High School because you know like all the dudes are like oh the relationships ladies here like awesome get a gun in my life right and then like by the time I like halfway through my talk they're like leaning forward and then by the end of my talk they're like the secrets to women feed me I'll take all the help I can get right so fellas this is how I'm gonna start the talk off I want you this talk again like I might be like fellas ladies I want you to like bust out a glitter pin and take some notes because I'm actually talking to you right and Men I'm like ladies I want you to lean forward and put it somewhere deep in your heart because I might not I'm not talking to you but I'm talking to you right are y'all following okay so here's the deal I'm gonna start this off with I'm gonna help them in out men this is what we're gonna do I'm gonna take you into the heart and the mind of a woman they're like she's gonna do that in 25 minutes and all the guys are like buckle up right okay so here's the deal ladies let's see if you can relate to this right it's a typical Friday night right single ladies you got all your best girlfriends in the house right it's like chicks like movie marathon sweats no other option you have your box of little Debbie's I mean both boxes of little JB's let's be real we don't share right and it's just like game on and you're just gonna escape reality for like 7 hours it's gonna be amazing right you throw on the first one you're like why do we not do this every night seriously and then they like the second one and they're like look at each other you're like well my life is officially worthless good let's do it again right like they're on the third one it's like 2:00 in the morning right ladies and like the script the credits roll and it just goes very quiet and one of you finally stands up and like picks up the remote control and Chuck's against the wall and you're like winds good to be my turn I am so sick and tired of waiting for mr. right mr. perfect to come into my life I need a cute guy and a horse and a sunset right now right what do you do ladies you vent until like 5 in the morning about him and him and him this listen listen you fall asleep bitter and frustrated and completely out of oatmeal cream pies and then you like get up the next day you're like I can do this but your whole weekend is full your screens just full of like babies and engagements you like I'm gonna burn my phone and then finally like Monday comes around right ladies and it's like okay I can do this and you're walking like the halls of your school or here or whatever and you see a guy that's like you're like halfway attracted to and he's like hey and you're like hey I want you right so ladies what do you do well naturally you start fellas fellas eyes right here awkward giggling means it's true every time did you hear it all the girls like don't laugh don't laugh don't laugh all the guys are like I don't have a definition I'm already kind of creeped out right mental stocking fellas it's where girls go like I wonder where we're gonna go on our first date I like where he's gonna propose um and they do the Christmas card test where you take like every baby name you've ever loved was his last name and your first name with his last name to make sure it sounds good good moving on all the guys are like nope never done that okay so then you start social-media stocking right and you look at like a thousand pictures of him on a camping trip and you're like oh he's the cutest fifth grader I've ever seen in my life right and then you see a picture of him with his arm around a girl and you're like oh that better be his sister right good and then you start flirting and then you start texting and snapchat right it's my favorite there are 1500 people in this room did you hear how deadly silent the whole room went did you hear it he's like it's texting and snapchat not like the two most charged words ever right holy buckets okay it's charged we'll leave it there then you start calling in faiths timing and you start physically stalking mercy that escalated quickly right Wow okay so I lovingly call this the Moto coaster and the reason why I call it the Emoto coasters because it's kind of like a roller coaster you've all had that fantastic experience right where you're like standing in line for three hours waiting for this ride that's gonna epically change your life and you can smell the asphalt burning through your flip-flops but you're like it's gonna be worth it so you're like watching everyone else ride and you're like I am so very happy for you right and then you finally get to the ride and you like to strap in it's like ching ching ching ching ching cup them out and you're like yes right and they just like throws you down the hill and your stomach comes up and your heads like you have tears streaming down your face and if you're a female you have a permanent hole in the back your head where your earring was digging into your neck right and you just go on this crazy ride and then it just comes to this grinding halt and you take one step off that ride and you throw up in front of everyone and you spend the rest of the day under a shady tree in a trash can wondering why that was so epic right tell me have you guys ever watched anyone ride the Emotiv coaster and if you've ever watched somebody ride the emotive coaster you yeah good keep your hand up if you're that person okay good all right good um so you've seen it happen right like you know what this looks like you've maybe felt it yourself you know they motocross there's real we just don't have like words for it right listen here not a hater Sara Swafford 18 I'm on Instagram I love all the social medias fine it's what how you use it right it's gonna phones aren't going away when I look at this list I want you to see like I know these are all gonna be parts of a relationship they're going to be in your relationships yes but could there be some potential traps could there be some things that we uh pump the gas or pump the brakes don't hit the gas right like here's the deal are you guys aware I'm a visual learner okay so I have what I call the potential trap slide it's just this really large overwhelming slide but I feel like visuals are good so we're gonna go there is that okay this is what I call the potential trap slide it's gonna be it's okay I'm with you mental stocking it's a one-way relationship you're building the unknown expectations can be too high and it can be creepy social media stalking you're getting into someone's personal life and making assumptions when you rather let that person tell you about himself or herself flirting you may be seeking attention or filling in insecurities or sending mixed messages and it can come across as fake don't you want them to get to know the real you texting and snapchat it can be intimate misinterpreted you can rationalize things there's no big deal and it can be addictive to your false true calling in FaceTime you may say up late and reveal a lot about yourself and calling and texting and snapchat and FaceTime can all be very private and then physically stalking not just like the puppy dog following somebody around but like you have to be around them you don't have any fun without them you do things just because they do you may change who you are to please them and start going to things just because they are there it's easy to wrap yourself up and it's easy to wrap yourself up in something for the wrong reasons that last slide just hard for me to even read because that was totally me in high school right it's like what do you need what do you need what do you need what do you need me to be okay sure and well here's the deal guys the world's idea perfect that we talked about spins everyone onto the motor coaster in the Moto coaster just spins everybody straight onto the cycle of use we talked about it last night men will use women to get what they want women will use men to get what they want fill in the blanks right typically men use women emotionally they know how to get at them and to be like them emotionally make them where they're most vulnerable to get what they want with just sex and women will use their sex appeal their bodies throughout their what they know they can to get what they want was just feel loved and the cycle just goes and we went through last night digging up all of that being used and not using someone else that feeling in your core when you know you've been used emotionally or physically because they're both real and the only way we're ever gonna call it out is if we call you stop for what it is right repeat after me I will not use you and I will not to use me good I was given this talk it Benedict in a couple years ago and this I was like out strolling the kids were on a walk and this like six foot five football player like just comes up to me he's like mrs. Wofford can I talk to you for a minute and I was like yeah absolutely so we're just like you know walking along and then we were chatting and he like stops and he turns to me he says I just want you to know that I came to your men's talk a couple weeks ago and he's like the very next weekend I found myself alone in a room with a girl and I was about to make a really poor life choice and I looked her in the eye and your stupid voice came in my head and I was like I can't use you and I can't let you use me and I walked out that door and I walked down the steps and I walked across back to my dorm and as I was getting back to my dorm I stopped and I thought to myself I think for the first time in my life I know what it means to be a man [Music] and I I I was like oh you the man you man like I looked at him and I was like you have no idea the gift that you handed her you have no idea what you did when you handed her her self-confidence and her worth you handed her a gift that only you could have given her I could stand on a stage for two weeks and tell her how beautiful she is and that she was worth more that she's not just body parts to be used I could go on for days and in two seconds you were able to do that you're the man you get it I hugged him and he cried and I cried and I will never forget the look in his eye cuz he got it repeat after me I will not use you and I will not let you use me here's the deal guys this slide the Trinity is a communion of persons Father Son and Holy Spirit we are made in the image and likeness of God therefore we're created for a relationship I told the women this morning the reason why we are so like these relationships are so important to us right it's because God created us men and women to be helpers of one another but unfortunately don't help each other out very often right we become obstacles we stand in the way of heaven and greatness for each other when we're supposed to be helpers I told the women like why did why did God choose Adam's rib to take Eve from because God wants Eve by his side under his arm and close to his heart that's why women are obsessed with relationships because that's where we belong amen like that makes sense and in this slide beloved if God so loved us we also must love one another no one has ever seen God yet if we love one another god abides in US and his love is brought to perfection in us amen there's a powerful verse I love it when I was in college a lot of this stuff was starting to swirl and I was in a class with dr. sri and he said what's virtue you threw out virtue you named some virtues I was like ooo patience is a virtue yes I'm like I'm sorry that's all I have right one and done and he proceeded to put this slide the slide that I have on the board virtue is striving for human excellence virtue is forming the habits of knowing and choosing the good and right thing to do virtue harnesses and trains your passions and emotions to work towards the good and virtue gives you the freedom to love I was writing down these notes I was like I don't know what virtue is but I got to get me some of that right it started this conversation in my head about how do I love people well I mean if I'm supposed to love people the way God loves me like what does that look like and it all kept going back to this word called virtue that's like locked in a vault with Jane Austen or something right like let's free it right like I don't even like there's this word called virtue and then I ran smack-dab in to this quote on the slide this quote that really wants to come up right now just kidding there it is oh I love this quote okay love is not primarily a feeling though it can be accompanied by feeling that's the confusion of our time confusing love's feeling with love itself love actually is a great act of the will it's when I say I desire you're good not for my sake but for yours Bishop Baron pretty much just took it all and put it on a green square look at that quote is that what the world tells you love is if you look at the world love is take right how many times have you guys heard friends or maybe someone in your life say if you really love me then if you really love me then you'd do what sacrifice for you yeah if I really loved you I'd sacrifice for you that's actually the answer is that what you've hear is that what you hear no if you really let me show me I'll show you by sacrificing for you it's a great act of the will to truly and freely be able to love right but is it just will no do you see the first sentence love is not primarily a feeling dude is romance in love and desire come with that great act of the well you better believe it ladies can you imagine a guy coming up to you no sorry not a boy or a guy a man coming up to you and saying I'm not gonna use you I don't want to use you I'm not gonna play with your heart I want to love you well hi hi guys are you writing this down this is romance write it down why like guys can you imagine a girl coming out to be like I'm like I'm not gonna play games with you like I'm over that I wanna get you to heaven yo let's go right I mean like hi what is romance really Amen this is what I want you to see is these slides to understand again our emotions and passions right sometimes they get a bad rap it's like hi hi emotions and passions over here you know what um I've been hurt and I've been wounded and I've been walked on and I think it's better to just never feel so I mean I'm just gonna stuff everything down and I'm never gonna feel again cuz it just seems like a good plan and a lot easier and then on the other extreme it's like high emotions and passions you know what you're you're exhausting and I just don't know if I care anymore so I'm just gonna let you completely run the show do you guys see that where do you think virtue lies in the true the good and the beautiful amen when I was in college this all started to swell for me and so a bunch of us girls got really bold one night and we decided to go up to a group of our guy friends and we were like okay be honest like what are you really looking for like what do you really want like what is it that you're looking for like in a woman in a spouse like what do you want you know be kind and they got into a man huddle you guys all seen a man huddle where guys get together right and they like put their arms around each other like this like rugby and they start swaying back and forth like this and there's typically grunting right so they go over in this man huddle for like 10 minutes and all this girls like do they're like really talking about this is gonna be really good and so they break puddle and they come all like John Wayne style they're like we got it we got it we got it we got it we got it we're like they're like okay we got it most attractive thing about the one about a woman we're like okay ready and they said holiness and confidence we were like I'm sorry come again and they said holiness and confidence and I remember we all liked each other were like wow dude that is deep thank you Wow and it was the most awkward exit of a building of all time we were like we just walked away really wow that's amazing thank you Wow and we just walked away we left and I remember we got back to my apartment and one of my friends like threw her coat on the ground she's like why do you even ask we asked we have no what the heck they're talking about it's like oh yeah just go be holy and confident watch me frolic here I go right like I got nothing here's a long night lots of peanut butter bananas right hots Oreos um so anyway we went back to the guys and we were like hi sorry we're gonna need some like practical tips and tools on how to like execute this cuz we all thought we had it like you know lose ten pounds and dye our hair and this is proving to be a little more difficult so they they busted out a napkin and started like writing down all these traits like all these characteristics of the they called her this simply irresistible virtuous woman and we were like oh this is good this is good keep doing that and so we you know the generous women we are we started making this simply resistible virtuous man list and then we presented him to each other and the guys had theirs on a napkin and ours was in Excel color-coordinated because women and men are different and that's okay right and we presented them to each other and over the last like 10 years I asked people like like dude what do you think should be on this list for the women like hey ladies what do you think I asked priests I asked married men I asked grandpas I asked everybody like what do you think should be on this list and I started compiling these lists and up with me I call him the simply irresistible virtuous woman and the simply irresistible virtuous man will go ladies first right this is what the men wrote for the women don't get overwhelmed oh I went too fast woman ready ladies here you go this is what the min said she's feminine she's gentle and kind she's graceful and sincere she's patient and flexible she doesn't gossip she isn't rude she tries to eliminate drama not create it she's poised and modest open to the needs of others nurturing and welcoming joyful and fun she's confident she stands up for what is right and seeks the truth she has courage and is not afraid to confront and help someone she's genuinely excited for another not jealous or vain she speaks with conviction she's responsible prudent humble and honest she's secure she's sensitive to the needs of others she's committed her relationship with God comes first in her life she puts others first before herself she strives for excellence and all things and chastity and sobriety and tries her hardest in academics or her career she's not led solely by her emotions and passions she maintains balance and order in her life she lives a life of charity and service she's forgiving trustworthy loyal and pure all the ladies in the house take a deep breath in and let it out good for real this time take a deep breath in I don't know good ladies repeat after me striving striving not perfect because perfect doesn't exist striving deep breath in fellas did you notice how I had to just take the women through like deep breathing treatments just now did you guys notice that right this is how women work right we look at lists like this and we're like I'm not that I'm not that I'm not that I mess that went up at lunch I'm not that I'm not that I'm not that I think I just need a nap right like we don't look at lists like this me like I just wanna be really I guess I'm gonna kill her right like here's the deal striving no one's perfect this is what's so trippy you guys this is awesome ladies listen to this guys will come up to me all the time and be like here you know it's crazy about that list we like women are not we know they're not gonna be like all those things at all time but what's actually attractive about them is their act of striving for it like them trying is the attractive part that's crazy like that is that's crazy that's how it works what is attractive about her as her striving for it amen fellas is this woman attractive I have four guys who I will pass out your numbers later good one more time fellas is this woman attractive good if if you're called to marriage you're gonna be excited if she has this list semen yes ladies do you want to see this simply resistible virtuous man the girls are always like put up the slide the guys are where he's like or not right like is this gonna be painful I don't know Sarah hey we're in this together okay fellas you and me we can do this ready this is what the women wrote for the men he's masculine he's confident he's committed he's masculine he's a leader provider protector initiator chivalrous brave and courageous gentle and respectful and to ative and patient joyful and fun he's confident he stands up for what is right and seeks the truth he has courage and is not afraid to confront and help someone he's genuinely excited for another not jealous or vain he speaks with conviction he's responsible prudent humble and honest he's secure he's sensitive to the needs of others he's committed his relationship with God comes first in his life he puts others first before himself he strives for excellence in all things in chastity and sobriety and tries his hardest in academics or his career he's not led solely by his emotions and passions he maintains balance and order in his life he lives a life of charity and service he's forgiving trustworthy loyal and pure all the fellows in the house just like shrug your shoulders like this that you like I'm all right I'm all right I'm all right I'm right I'm right right I won't make you deep breathe all right am i right I'm all right fellows in the house repeat after me striving striving not perfect because perfect doesn't exist striving sure your shoulders all the women are just Fanning themselves thinking very attractive about a bunch of men Saints driving together hey Minh here's the deal it is more important for the women to hear the men say striving ladies they just found out about the list about three seconds ago we have to give them a chance right they're striving they're like this is good Sara this is good right this is helpful right do you guys ever feel like you know everything you're not supposed to do but you have no idea what you're actually suppose to be doing right now this is a good start virtue is a good place amen here's what's trippy about this list did you guys notice that confident committed are the exact same thing did you see that and then did you know that like with the masculine and feminine traits that's just what the women said for the men and the men said for the women but a lot of those are interchangeable as well right like this is how we so beautifully work you guys we complement one another our Lord has it figured out he's got the blueprint I mean it we don't have to we don't have to guess we know what he wants he wants this train moving the greatest thing my husband ever told me is when we were engaged she sat me down and he said you know what he goes I just want you to know that I'm going to fail you and I want you to know that I'm not perfect and I don't want you to make me your savior because I will disappoint you he said I'm not perfect and you're not perfect but we're perfect for each other and I don't want you to run towards me I want you to run towards our Lord and we'll run together that's what you're looking for you guys if you try to find someone that's gonna be your Savior you will always be disappointed because they can't be no one can be that for you but when you have someone look at you and say run with me I want to run with you to heaven and I want to take our kids there and as many other people as we can that's what I want that's what I want for you I want to tell you in this talk was something that will hopefully change the way that you see the opposite sex forever and then we're gonna pray this is the way I want you to look at dating this is the way I want you to look at the opposite sex are you ready it's hard but it's real all the fellas in the house right now any girl that you're dating right now or may date in the future I want you to think about the fact that she could go on to marry your best guy friend stay with me can you imagine being able to go to that wedding look up a couple look couple to be able to look up at them and see the girl that you're dating right now or could date in the future standing up there with your best guy friend to be able to go to that wedding to go up to that couple men and to have your best guy friend just like and fold you in one of those like very manly hugs we be like beat each other on the back right like those big hugs and for him to look at you in the eye and say thank you so much for the time that you spent with my wife you made her a better woman you were there for me when I wasn't there you were there for her you took nothing away from me and I thank you for the time that you guys were together what ladies can you imagine looking up there and seeing your best girlfriend in the whole world marrying the guy that you're dating right now or could date in the future to be able to look at her to be able to go to that wedding go up there and her big white puffy dress and have her like give you this smashing hug and have her look you in the eyes and say thank you so much for the time that you spent with my husband you helped him grow in virtue you helped him to know Jesus you gave him what I could he gave him what he needed to be able to be here with me today you took nothing away from me and I can't thank you enough for the time that you dated him are you kidding me is that how the world says it supposed to go down or is that how God says it supposed to go down every relationship that you are in is either gonna end in a breakup or in marriage therefore we have to look at this game completely different amen and if it isn't you let's say let's say pretend that the person your day was right now is you up there this is a win-win people because that's you marrying the person that you helped grow in virtue that you led to Jesus that you led into the gays that we were talking about where the father can gaze upon you as a couple that is how this is it it's virtue that's it but it's hard because we're not always good to each other amen it's hard because we're not always the helpers to fit for each other like our Lord created us to be and so I want in this moment right now we're gonna pray I asked the band to pray with me a song that is very dear to me so I want you to just open your heart and I want you to sing this song with us and I want you to think about all your relationships all of your friendships especially some of your past relationships maybe a relationship you're in right now I want you to ask the Lord to just reveal to you what it is that you want to be to strive for what it is in your life that you want you know if you want something to grow in your life feed it if you want something to die in your life starve it what does the Lord want you to feed in your life and in your friendships and in your relationships to be that person that he's called you to be that's creepy he's created you to be so let's pray this together [Music] be the mountain where I run the fountain I do Oh so let the king the ransom oh he is my song as you are you're good [Music] oh you are good you're good [Music] oh you are good you go Oh oh you are good you go [Music] [Music] can I ask the men a favor man will you do something for me super important to my heart can you stand up for a minute all the men I'm gonna ask you to do something that will really mean a lot to me and the women in this room because there's a lot of women in this room that are hurting we've talked a lot about father wounds and brother wounds and friend room and wounds and every single girl in this room is someone's daughter sister and friend probably your friend so I just want to ask if the men in this room will help me out and if you'll extend a hand over the women around you if you'll pray over the women around you just put your hand out over the women and I want you to sing with them I want you to sing with us but actually what I wanted you to do is I want you to pray for us I want you to pray for the women in this room I want you to ask for healing in their hearts I want you to ask for the Lord to convict them and what we're about to pray over them [Music] can the women stand in the men where you sit for us Shh ladies will you help me out all the ladies in the room I want you to sing this over the men the men need to hear from us women for the times that we've hurt them for the times that we've walked all over them for the times that we've told them that they're not enough I think all the women will agree with me when we say that we need you men we need you like never before to witness the love of God the Father in our relationships to lead it's not always easy you haven't had the dads that you needed if some of you haven't had father's I showed you what that means some of you've had to have the world tell you what it means and it's been the opposite of what it is but us women stand here United to tell you that you are good and you're enough and you're known and you're loved I pray that you open your hearts men and just receive this from us women and from our Heavenly Father as we sing over you come Holy Spirit I ask you to descend upon the men and women in this room I want all of us to stand together and we're gonna sing you're never gonna let me down because we're gonna let each other down but you know who's never gonna let us down amen let's sing out to him right now together you're never gonna let us down you are our Savior you're the one we run to we run to you together amen we are the helpmates of one another running to heaven to you stand side by side Amen ho sing it we love you Lord Jesus we pray together at glory be to the Father and to the Son and to the Holy Spirit as it was in the beginning is now and ever shall be world without end amen Saint Joseph pray for us real quick give everyone around you a high-five [Applause] [Music] [Applause] good job you know I just turn this way let's give Sarah a hand she's done a great job last night on this morning you know how to see where you are I know this for sure every speaker and musician that comes up on the stage if they had a chance to say every time I say gives her a hand she would want to say it's not about me you know is it's what's God's doing in you and that's a hundred percent true but I also know cuz I work with all the speakers and to watch them while you're having my free time they're like changing their notes and changing their powerpoints and like they're working very hard for you to so they all do deserve that round of applause everyone we asked for questions I I had some people come up and tell me questions which I've written down I had some come on my phone I had some I've just tried to group them together and it's not perfectly done and so I'm going to ask you guys some of the questions that came up and and and you can answer how you see fit whoever wants to answer and I think this is really a good question to go right after you let us in praying as well but one question is what's the best way to bring God into my relationship so someone's dating and say they've had this experience and you know they go home what how do you bring this into your relationship anybody I think exactly what we just did is is an amazing way to bring God in the really not in your relationship but also the example that you set for the person that you're with a friend of mine told me if you want to marry a woman of God I'm a man I'm a married woman if you want to marry a woman of God run the race towards heaven as fast as you can and then you look at the people that are keeping up with you and you choose from the people that are keeping up with you so prayer and living being the example can say one thing real quick yeah that's just cut no no I'm not gonna do that what the young ladies just did with the young men that is exactly how my wife got me because I was um I was trying to discern what I was called to do be a priest or get married a friend of mine said I asked a friend of mine what should I do he said pray with her and he said okay if you pray with her if he if she prays anything other than you do God's will then you know she's not the right one so that night I prayed with her and I was listening okay what's she gonna say what's she gonna say she didn't pray that I'd go one direction she didn't pray that I dated her I remember her praying Lord just have him do what you want him to do and that was a that was a great sign for me and you know it helped me know that that was the she was the one so prayer in the example and and all and I'll tack on without even which I'm not gonna do very much but I'm an I'm an example of a relationship where I was already at church and very involved in when I met my wife and we did date in high school my wife and I and I know it's kind of cool just just one time you know you want to do it no no just the girls that's what's supposed to sound like wow it's just the guys this is bad how's that dope that's don't do that that's very creepy you know what what's kind of cool is we actually didn't date in college we did it in high school and then again after but I did share my experience as I went on a retreat and I shared it with her it it did impact her and years later we stopped dating and then she had shared a little witness at her college ministry that this guy in high school had had had this big transformative experience and it was the first thing that led her to think about having more faith in God and pursuing it and and that guy was me and later we met and back again and but you know if you're here and this is a new experience for you and your boyfriend or girlfriend has never had any experience like this you need to you I think it's good to invite them into it and see you know where that leads and where they go as they pray for you a question two questions that are kind of different and the same how do I know if a relationship is going good how do I find no a relationship is good for me those are two different questions not from the same person but I'm just grouping them together how do I know if my relationship is going well how do I find know if this relationship is good for me this is harder than it looks right um yeah beauty pageant is deaf event well we talked about how you're trying to be short but we're all talkers that stuff um joy and peace so I I will look at people and they'll say I don't know if this is right and I'll say does this relationship bring you joy notice I didn't say happiness I was like does this relationship bring you peace they're like no that's probably something's off the three ingredients that I think take to make a great relationship is God chemistry and timing God chemistry and timing so if if the god thing is off and chemistry and timing are good and it's not gonna work if the god thing is there and the chemistry's thing is there but the timing is bad it's not gonna work if the timing is totally off when they got in the chemistry thing is there it's not gonna work tell you that one anyway we're talking about it I did it that's that's really smart it's not just it's not just these like is this feel good is this right you guys just heard my entire talk right so you guys get it like it is is this good really patient up good for me the person that you're with should not distract you from God they should bring you closer to him you're the person you're with should never be an obstacle to relationship with Christ he should he or she should be the one that leads you to Christ and I think unfortunately the only place you're gonna really hear that is in the gays when you're very honest with yourself so just keep going back there and asking in if you could go together that's even better yeah awesome what are the three things God right remember that that's that's that's pretty cool I'm gonna direct this one to father so someone hand one of those my sim and anyone else can add on but it's it's a complex question it says I keep falling to a sexual sin I go to confession but I'm not sure that God is forgiving me there's really two questions the first one would be on when we struggle with habitual sin or like repetitive especially sexual sin and I won't quite tackle that there's a lot of resources out there your youth ministers and your pastors are all really helpful in that so take that first part about habitual sin to them but the second part on how do I know if I'm forgiven which is related we have to remember with the sacraments especially with confession that our feelings can be really confusing that we may not feel forgiven but if we know the notionally cognitively if we know that we made a good confession with a sorrowful heart and our intention is to be better and we've made that confession then the Lord has forgiven us and we have to stand in what we know by our faith which is that we're forgiven the devil will then use our memories and our feelings to pull us back into the old stuff to make us regret our past feel guilty about it feel worthless all the things we've been talking about that's a place for rebuke the evil one to call out Jesus name and to realize that there's a difference between what's actually happening and what's your feeling so you've been forgiven you're feeling and remembering some of your own story and so the peace that has to come then is acceptance of your own story you have to accept that you're broken you have an imperfect past but you've given that to the Lord His mercy endures forever you've been forgiven so stand in what you know which is the grace of forgiveness and then battle against temptation to fall back into despair and ask for the grace to accept your own story that has been redeemed by Jesus Christ awesome yay good its gracious mic dropping everywhere I'm gay I put another two questions together that you guys can answer however you like one is a very typical question that you've heard how far is too far and I want to talk about that but but as briefly as we can and then the other one I just have to share because I think it's so cool you can't see my phone this girl messaged me I have a relationship type question that I've been struggling with recently how do you let someone you're in a relationship with understand your boundaries about abstinence and marriage and then I like I didn't see the salado then the next question came like 10 seconds later she added without making it too weird so I just thought I thought that was good so how do you share your boundaries without making it too weird let me yeah you know what I'm gonna tell you the reason I put the two questions together I put the two questions together because to me they kind of are in order it is how do I know what my boundaries are and how do I share that with someone I want today that's what the question to me is and you can answer any of that you want why not yeah sure I think with the how far too far thing didn't link because I kind of think that's the wrong question how far is too far you know it depends on what do you how much you value that person the question how far is too far is the question as you ask me you're with the person as you don't really value cuz you're asking okay how much can I get from this person right before I get in trouble and that's not like you don't want to be in a relationship where you're just looking to get get get and escape responsibility you want to ask the question how best can I safeguard this person from from sin and from being a person that she's not that she isn't how can I best safeguard this person now how far is too far because if your question is how far is too far you're never really gonna go too far you know that's that's gonna be especially for us guys we're never we gonna go too far we're just looking for okay where's the edge of the of the building we're gonna mess up and the second part how do I let people know my boundary yep for for me it's basic if I'm with someone that I'm that I care about that I trust that we're we're having this discussion it really it's easy for me to let them know where I stand on what I stand on and I'm it's up to them to respect you know the life I'm living or to take their lives down another path so for me I just find it easier just to let people know this is what I stand on this is who I am you can respect me or allow me to find the person I'm supposed to be with okay so I'm gonna make this quick my husband has this great line he teaches John Paul the second class on loving responsibility and this is the line anything aimed at the arousal of the other is reserved for marriage one more time anything aimed at the arousal of the other is reserved for marriage that's very clear right I have it I was trying to find it in my book but I can't figure it out because it's just like I can't find it but there's just a point where I write in the book anything that you do to rev someone's engine only to turn it off is tempting teasing and not fair so why would you do that to someone that you love like why would you why would you mess with them like that Amen like that doesn't make sense the other thing that I think is really important and I think you have to know yourself right like you have to know and at first wife and I so we had to postpone our engagement a whole year and we sat down and we were like dude this is what we're gonna do we're not gonna kiss and we're not gonna lay down together ever because those were the for a whole year and we started novena to st. Joseph on the night that we were gonna get married we had an engagement party our friends through this engagement party it was amazing we started the novena to st. Joseph's and on our wedding day we it was really cool it was like at noon we got together we everybody was out of the church the only person in the church was the organist and my mom and dad opened the doors and I walked down the aisle to him in my dress and we prayed this ain't no st. Joseph's novena together and then we that day on the altar is when we kissed for the first time in a year and it you guys I'm serious the joy and the peace that came from knowing that we had sacrificed that for each other it was so huge it was so beautiful and that's what I mean a lot of my talk you comes from this experience of living what is best what is beautiful what has really helped our marriage be so strong and that all I mean everyone thinks game day is the day you get on you're all on the altar make vows you guys game day is right now there is no altar switch you don't get to like stand up on the altar and flip this little switch back there like a light switch and instantly become the person you've always wanted to be like you're building all those habits right now you were becoming the person whether it's a priest like a flip and fantastic priests like this or the religious that are running around or marry people like you are performing that person right now and every decision you make is taking you closer or farther from that person today and the last thing I'll say is this is a really great how far is too far if you cannot do it in broad daylight in front of Pope Francis you can't do it Pope Francis likes to tango so you can dance but let's be real you can't make that move in front of Pope Francis than ain't gonna go I just like that answer that's the Pope Francis thing father grab the mic we're literally at 30 seconds of time or so but is there anything that you want want to add anything anything I just I want to hold that back up and just say that if you can date someone without needing to be physically active with them you're looking at their heart before the Lord and Sarah and Andy provides such a testimony to sure confidence in the Lord's call that I that's just such a beautiful testament was thank you for for sharing that with us sir awesome all right so I think that's everything for these guys give them a big round of applause for just being willing to share we love you guys we love you were praying for you

Channel: Steubenville Youth Conferences

Views: 6,602

Rating: 4.8620691 out of 5

Keywords: Catholic, Charismatic, Youth Conference, Youth, Conference, Evangelization, Steubenville Conferences, Steubenville

Id: 0nL6Lx7uzsg

Length: 49min 21sec (2961 seconds)

Published: Tue Aug 14 2018