Matt Fradd - Relationships Revealed - Steubenville Atlanta 2018

[Music] [Music] [Music] how you doing I appreciate everyone going back to their seats crowd surfing is uh well it's a sore spot for me the last time I went crowd surfing I actually got arrested was it a Wiggles concert everyone freaked out you know so I calm down so I want to show you something before we begin today's talk last year I was speaking at Steubenville in Ohio and Annie invited me up and for some bloody reason I thought it would be funny to try and kick him in the face but it didn't work out or maybe it did but here's a bit of the footage from last year check this out ready look whoa down like a sack of potatoes let's watch that one more time and look at the class and the reference here ah all right now that was weird but I'm a weird dude oh thanks so much man I wish that people would have clapped for me in middle school I'm weird we know that Americans are great man so the only reason I was able to all settle down it's July 7th you're a few days late calm down friend of mine texted me the other day it was in a group text and he said to all the Americans he went happy for this is my American accent happy 4th guys happy Wednesday Mathieu the only reason I was able to try and kick any in the face last year is that any is a really good friend of mine I've known him for about 13 years now and you know when you get comfortable with somebody you can do crazy stuff like that but if I went up to you and try to kick you in the face that's not okay but I can kick any in the face and I want to talk about relationships but in order to talk about relationships and friendships and while they are and why they are so integral and important to our relationship with Christ and just to be flourishing happy individuals we have to first talk about love so let me start there now love's a funny word because we use it for all sorts of things I say I love my wife and I love sushi you know so AHA doesn't tell you much I love Jesus and Netflix mm-hmm what do you mean by love though you know it's a weird kind of word well before I give us somewhat of a theological reflection on the word love I wanted to share with you what four young people had to say when they were asked this question teacher set them down gave them crayons they're about five years old and six years old and I said what's love and the first two responses come from little girls and the next two come from little boys you'll see why that's important in a moment first girl says this you know you love someone because your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you this is why I'm not a teacher you know I'd like that's crap I don't know where you're getting that from it's just not correct you know your miele lighting you next one her love is when you tell a boy you like his shirt then he wears it every day warmer what's funny about these responses is that these kids weren't trying to be funny they didn't think some weird Australian bloke would make fun of them in Atlanta one day they were just like ask me a serious question I'll give you a serious answer what do you want to know and one boy said this love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving Cologne and they go out and smell each other all right yeah that's pretty bloody good here's my favorite one though listen to this one love is when love is when mummy sees daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross that's good man good they're doing better than most of our society you know I want that love of a Cosmo love I want that love over 50 shades of stupid love you know the minute but what do we mean by love well it seems to me that when we use the word love it seems that there has to be three things there needs to be the one who loves the one who is loved and the love that they share you need the lover the beloved and the love that they share if you remove one of these things from the equation things look pretty weird pretty quickly if you have the lover without the beloved that's called stalking so it's not funny actually stop it if you have the beloved without the lover I guess it will be like fantasy or something you know you got some poster of a boy band on your wall it feels like they love me they don't know who you are and if they did they still wouldn't care so yeah you're welcome and obviously you need the love that unites them you need the love of the beloved and the love all right here's a very softball question biblically speaking finish this sentence God is well done someone said big get out God is love Saint John says and first John chapter four verse eight and sixteen he says God is love he doesn't say God is lovely although he is he doesn't say God is lovable although he is he says God is love well if for love to exist there needs to be three things and God is love it says something doesn't it it starts to make sense why God revealed himself as a Trinity of persons that God from all eternity is Father Son and Holy Spirit the Father from all eternity loved the son the son from all eternity right the son wasn't created he exists with the father for all eternity receives that love and gives that love back to the father that love is so profound that it is another person it's the Holy Spirit and that's why we say in the Creed I believe in the Holy Spirit who proceeds from the father and the son that sheds new light on what it means to be created in the image and likeness of God like when I was young I thought to be made in the image and likeness of God meant that God had an Australian accent or something which I really hope he doesn't because I know it's novel to you but the Australian accent is far less superior to the American accent no one wants to go to heaven and God be like well done my good and faithful servant you're kidding me where's Morgan Freeman you know no hey you want a good American accent and Australians know that American accents are better and here's here's how I can tell you that and why that's the case you know when you go to the movies and you see the commercials and they've got that bloke who comes on and he says coming next summer that guy in the world that guy we have the same guy we have 20 million men who can stand upright and speak properly we don't want any of them we want an American cuz no one wants to hear in Australia and say coming next summer it's not no not knocking it it's just not as epic all right so we've been made in the image and likeness of God who is a communion of persons so this sounds like a hallmark thing but it isn't we've been made listen we've been made by love to love and for love that is to say we have love as our origin love is our vocation and love is our destiny right if we get love wrong we get life wrong this is why john paul ii could say man cannot exist without love right he cannot if he does not know love his life become senseless shallow everything becomes sepia-toned because god is an eternal exchange of persons we've been made in the image of community and so the one takeaway I'd like to give you in this talk is that is this God is a community we've been made in the image and likeness of community therefore when we engage in behaviors that are contrary to love or anti relational we become less human and less happy so if I if I retreat to my den to have an intimate encounter with my iPhone right and I'm not knocking those of you who are struggling with this thing but it's clearly an T relational not beautiful and the more one engages in that behavior like the last beautiful one's life is but I think we have to be careful here because when we speak of love in this sort of society we tend to a so to edit just with sexual love but there are actually all sorts of different loves aren't there we have civil loves that is to say people we interact with on a daily basis like our neighbor or those we interact with at work we have to have a general affection for these sorts of people we need civil love we have familial love if you don't have familial love you wouldn't be reared and you would have died as an infant but then there's this other weird thing that I want to spend some time talking about today friendship friendships a weird thing and it's weird because unlike sexual love and unlike parental love it serves no biological function you don't need it in the same way you need the other loves if you don't have sexual love you don't have the propagation of the species if you don't have parental love you know you don't but you don't get to be reared if you don't have civil love or civil affection well we can't have a functioning society but friendship is different here's what Lewis had to say CS Lewis had to say about friendship friendship is unnecessary like philosophy like art it has no survival value rather it is one of those things that gives value to survival and how does friendship happen I love this it's very profound but very simple listen he says friendship is born at the moment when one person says to another what you - I thought I was the only one it's fascinating isn't it I think of romantic love lovers spend a lot of time talking about their love for one another friends never do that or almost never do that lovers if you were to picture them might be seen facing one another friends side by side forward towards some common good and we need friends to have a flourishing life to have a Christian life Christ showed us this I think in that he had Twelve Apostles and within that twelve he had a band of three the longer I live the more convinced I am that you can't have to many close friends like you can't have 500 best friends I don't even think you can have 20 or 10 I think you can have a couple right people that you've learned to trust that you can then be intimate with so I want to share with you what I think are three foundations of authentic friendship or three keys to authentic friendship and those three things are authentic constancy and charity so you need authentication then we will remain acquaintances but if I get to know you as a companion as an acquaintance and trust you then I have to reveal something of myself something that I'm not comfortable everyone else knowing it seems to me that a reit way a real close friend is one that you can say to in a sense I hope this makes sense here if you want to hurt me here's here's how you'd do it like here's the spot someone that you can be intimate with and you can't do that with many people and you shouldn't do that with many people because you can't trust everyone and some people aren't worthy of your trust but I think a close friend you have to have vulnerability with they need to see your your mess and your weirdness right and you need to see theirs there needs to be an intimacy I like how Christopher West has said intimacy means into me see but so long as I'm putting on a face you we can't have a friendship the next thing that's required for authentic friendship is constancy there are certain people who will enjoy being around you so long as you're in a happy place so long as they can have fun with you so long as you're the life of the party and bring enjoyment to them but see that's not a friend if they leave when you're feeling down or when you're sad or when you're lonely and they abandon you that's not a friend a friend is constant they're available to you they might ignore other people's phone calls but they don't ignore yours whether you're in a bad place or a good place they're with you they cannot be thoroughly happy if you're not and they can't be thoroughly sad if you're happy I think as a parent what somebody once said to me that you'll only as a parent you'll only ever be as HAP happy as your least happy child do you understand so if my child is depressed I can't be happy with friends it's almost like we choose to enter into their sadness into their grief into their joy so that we can commune with them it's a beautiful thing and then finally we need charity now charity is a theological virtue that enables us to love God and it also enables us to love another person for their sake for the love of God now if you wanted to define love I think this is how you do it I think you'd say and this is what Aquinas says when you love you will the good of the other for the sake of the other so I don't want your good solely for my sake I want your good for your you I like you I want you to flourish and therefore if we surround ourselves with people who are leading us into sin or a glorifying sin or are encouraging us to sin this isn't friendship there needs to be somebody who wants our good and realizes that sin makes you stupid and that they don't want you to be stupid and therefore they want you to grow in your relationship with God now another aspect of charity is that this person will speak truth to you if you and someone else only ever say nice things to each other and you've known each other for a while there might be some emotional manipulation going on maybe a willed emotional manipulation on the part of both of you but it seems to me that a good friend is able to not only encourage you and affirm you for as good things but they're able to pull you aside and say I love you but I just I need to say this isn't kind of cool what you're doing here and if you can't do that like if somebody says I could do that because I couldn't cause them that pain that's a lie what they mean is I don't want to be put in an uncomfortable position so they don't love you like they should love you I want this sort of friendship and you do too of course the flip side is you ought to be this sort of friend to other people so do you have two or three people in your life right now that you can genuinely love be accountable to be constant with love for their own sake be available - I think we need to build these relationships up because SCS Lewis says even though there's no survival value it's what gives value to survival here's what I want to do for the remainder of this talk I'm sure that many of you have questions about relationships and they might be questions about friendship maybe they're questions about romantic relationships well they might be about things that are impeding your ability to be in relationship with others whether that be like an addiction to porn or that be like an addiction - I don't know gaming or just the inability to interact with other people or social medias getting in the way or I don't know I want to talk about those things I want to talk about familial relationships but in order to do that I want to invite up two very good friends Jackie and ne and we're gonna sit up here and I want to invite you if you haven't already if you have a question you can tweet a question to any Hickman and we'll answer some of those questions now this is gonna be fun all right here we go so we already have quite a few questions I think you'll you'll you'll be entertained no it's beer stat coffee here's one that that hey Jackie how you doing did you not know she'd be here no no I knew okay she literally just walked in you not listening to my fantastic talk can I get I could get that look our that over the ear yeah I get my mic yeah sure so here's a big one it keeps calm on here and I think we're qualified to answer this question what is the catholic standpoint on the LGBT community matthew well the stands on the that's a complicated question because we've got a bunch of letters there that we could give a talk on each so let's say something about the g part and then maybe we can say something about the t part of something you know i'm not a big fan of calling people gay for the same reason that i'm not a big fan of calling me a heterosexual I think I'm just a human being who has all sorts of desires like you have all sorts of desires and you know as a married man sometimes I find other women attractive and maybe you might look at pornography maybe you find yourself attracted to a woman and you're a woman maybe you're a man and occasionally you found yourself attractive dammit to another man I haven't experienced that but I have other attractions when you start defining yourself by your attractions your life gets confusing really quickly like if you look at pornography are you a porno sexual probably not you're just a human being who engages with pornography because it makes you feel good even though it makes you feel bad afterwards if somebody commits adultery are they an adulterer or sexual no they're a human being loved by God who has distortions in their sexuality like the rest of us and so if you struggle with same-sex attraction or have same-sex attraction grace you know welcome to the human race we all struggle with distortions in our sexuality you see this isn't a matter of them and us or us and them it's just us all dealing with this sexual thing and trying to love the way God is calling us to love so when I I got a couple of friends who say they have same-sex attraction I they don't like being called gay because it sort of limits them and reduces them and I don't like doing that either they might have same-sex attraction but they're I don't like to call them gay as far it well I'll leave it at that Jackie I had a seventh-grader asked me she said does God hate gays and transgender people and I said no like God loves you because you are his son or his daughter like God loves you and there's a lot of stuff behind that question right but the church loves you and needs you in the body of Christ and I but I think the thing I would say is absolutely God loves you but he's calling us all to holiness no matter what right like whatever our crosses and that doesn't even just have to be a cross that experiencing same-sex attraction or the cross of being like feeling like you're trapped in the wrong body right but there were all called to holiness and that the love of God has to be so great I told the women this in the women session that the we want people to fall in love with God so much that we'd be like I'd give up anything to get to heaven like so for me father Mike talks about this in a video and even in his book that he has about same-sex attraction that we often have a sin there's a sin of exception ISM we feel like we're the exception to the rule well I don't have to practice chastity because I experienced this it's like no we're all called to a life of chastity we're called to chastity as married people and and I like what you said about attractions like it's okay to be attracted to like father might cause problem Ickes unattractive man right absolutely yeah Thank You amen yeah I we tell them what you said last night to me which bit as far as father Mike being attractive about when when he hugged me who got me with his jaw yeah that'll do let's leave it at that oh yeah I don't sure if you Emily Wilson sings up here yeah anyway I know we do it if you think father Mike Schmitt is attractive wait till you meet her husband my goodness just because you're attracted to somebody like father right hi guys there are the boys we should be attracted to other people all sections oh there's my baby with Bobby no okay it's not about you Bobby it's about us right now okay but just because you guys you're attracted to somebody first of all we're called to be attracted to people because we're attracted to truth beauty and goodness yes attraction I should be attracted to my brothers because they are beautiful they are made in the image and likeness of God but it doesn't have to mean something just because I'm a trap we sexualized everything because I'm attracted to a married man because I'm attracted to their beauty the truth and their goodness doesn't mean oh my gosh it means that we need to be together it means that we I I need to take them away from their spouse oh my gosh no like I'm called to be attracted to you because you are beautiful and that you I mean there have been so many beautiful nuns and priests it's like to recognize I am attracted them so when I'm when I see an attractive man I say and even when I was single I did this like thank you Lord for their beauty yeah amen bien thank thank God for the beauty and it doesn't have to meet my attraction isn't the mean somebody has it does have to be sexualized so that's what I would say is like we're all called to holiness and it's okay to be attracted to the beauty of people and the goodness of people without sexualizing absolutely and I would say just to add on that and then we can move on but the LGBT I mean that whole deal look guys it's easier to just love everybody rather than picking and choosing who to love just like God does that's the same kind of love that he calls us to God said love me with everything that you have all your heart mind soul and spirit and love your neighbor as yourself he did not say love me with everything that you have and then change your neighbor he said love them and and I know that a lot of us you know we want to lead with truth and we want to tell them you know this and that and here's this is you know you should be looking at it this way in that way but what about leading with Beauty you know what about leading with love and just eating a taco together right like like you know just just hey come on come on over for a burrito as opposed to like you know you know what you're doing wrong with your life or you know you shouldn't be this way or that way burritos will heal the world so all right next question can we date someone who isn't I mean I know what they're trying to say can we date someone who isn't gathered so technically you can but I guess should we date someone who isn't Catholic or isn't Christian what'd you say I would say you can and certainly the church is open to a Catholic marrying a non Catholic provided that that Catholic raised their children in the faith that said it's a difficult thing to do if you're a faithful Catholic and the person you're dating is a faithful Baptist well as a faithful Baptist I would assume that he would not want you teaching his children falsehoods what he perceives to be falsehoods that's because he's a good person and you as a Catholic would want to teach them what you consider to be the true that I have to say one of the most beautiful things in my marriage he's being how to pray together being able to receive the Eucharist together and so look there's an official answer which is what I just gave you no church is open to it but then there's like what would you say to your sister and to my sister I'd be like no you should marry a Catholic we're gonna we're good we're gonna go on to the next question because there's a lot of questions and yeah they're so good I can't wait and I'm gonna share these and you guys can come on and chat with them too one question that I saw earlier was when did you know that your spouse was the one I'm gonna answer this okay a couple ways how do you know that they're the one number one for the first time which for the first time in forever um which that was crazy talk on that one but for the first time I actually felt like I could be me with my spouse and all the other guys I dated I felt like I changed myself for them I I was like oh I can't be as goofy as I normally am cuz they don't think my poop humor is funny which I do um you know they're like Oh Jackie you're so Catholic and like well who cares like I want a guy who's like I pray Lord I could be a nun but I'm not called to be one so I know I need to go who could be a priest is not called be one so my husband is a former seminarian yeah they make the best husbands so I knew what they do they're awesome it former there are a lot of them here this might know I did all of them and then they all went to seminary um so you're welcome anyways number one you can finally be yourself number two you experienced peace and joy and in my other relationships I felt this pit in my stomach this anxiety there was something that even if I couldn't put my finger on oh there's something wrong here there's something not good but I could tell by how I changed myself and it's really one of my favorite definitions of marriages it's it's friendship with romance my husband is my best friend I love him so much I can't wait till he comes home every day from his job I can't wait to see him and I spend time with him you know what and then we always think of relationships as being all about romance and all about being sex and you know what my husband I someone asked his question like what if what if your husband or wife got in an accident and you couldn't ever have sex with them again would you still be married to them and with my husband if my husband that ever happened I'd be like heck yes because my husband is my best friend we are on the same page spiritually intellectually emotionally physically and my husband's goal is to leave me to heaven and that's my goal with him and he's that's so that's what it's best friendship with romance a minute I yeah thanks that's fantastic and those are great those are great principles I think just in general for when you are feeling called to marriage and looking for those qualities in a spouse but I would say this that I I think that we can turn loved especially married love into a fairy tale and the I the probability of you meeting your spouse is so ridiculous aw a statistic once that if everybody in Manhattan had 22 sided dice and they all rolled dice at the same time everybody getting the same number that's the probability of you marrying your spouse so it the idea of the one your soulmate is a myth it actually it actually doesn't it I I tell my wife all the time I'm happy it's you I'm glad you know that Cana is is my wife but love is a commitment love is a commitment it's me choosing to love this other person and her choosing to love me it's not a fairytale so don't believe this idea this hype that you know you're gonna be like this is the one you know it really it has to do with your geography where you gonna school what your interests are clubs different things like that it really and I don't want to say it could be anybody because you got to look for those those qualities like you're saying making sure that they're leading you to heaven but it really can it's not the one that that idea over discernment is a thing and I think that often times we freak out we're like I can't find the one you know yeah because it doesn't exist it's a myth love is a commitment so I would say that everybody yes one thing that I think that has come up a few times and it's it's it's kind of cliche but I think we need to answer it because it's coming up how far is too far if you can do it in front of Pope Francis in the middle of daylight you're good to go woo it's pretty easy I mean that you guys that is how easy it is if you if you have to go hide in the dark to do it then it's it's when you're unmarried I was following you and then it was like [Music] but really okay so I had there was a priest who made a distinction he said there's there's a difference between arousal and affection anything that is arousal is for married love it's to prepare you for sex okay so you when you're dating okay you have to treat every single person you date like they are somebody else's future spouse because they probably are or that they could be a priest which in my case to be the guys I dated one zap recent or in seminary so I had to treat every single boyfriend like they could be in one of the guys I dated married one of my friends every person you date is not yours until you make vows not even when you put a ring on it because the engagement still is not marriage so arousal and arousal and I know this is gonna be crazy because our culture says that anything is good to go but if it causes arousal so even making out okay even kissing like passionate kissing can easily lead to arousal okay and so I know you're like what the what okay I know this is crazy talk for you guys because our culture just says everything is good to go but affection holding hands again if you add add who's like told his daughter's boyfriend if you do it to my daughter I'm gonna do it to you okay yeah hey future father's in the room future fathers in the room keep that in your back pocket okay that's how you go to prison I wouldn't I wouldn't tell people to do that but that's getting the point Matt your daughter's any you have daughters right yes five you have five daughters get your gun oh oh get ready so I'm gonna buy a wedding venue for what it's gonna be so expensive oh oh you oh yeah you have a lot of kids so okay affection showing signs of affection holding hands embracing a kiss but when it starts the train of arousal okay it's for marriage to have sex is for marriages for spouses okay so I know again we're not condemning anyone here if you've done something with somebody who is not your spouse and you need to go to confession go to confession you're forgiven that's how good god is okay you can start over today all right but how far is too far any wear a bikini goes anywhere up swimsuit goes off limits I mean it's you guys you guys it's not about how far is too far is about how can we get each other to heaven how can we guard each other's future spouses future priests yeah oh good how far can I go and loving them booyah shoot dang okay you can say that in your microphone no no you finish you're doing great I'm done I'm done any any additional they really don't like my oh no I love it no I I'm a smash no no no no I agree with everything you said okay yeah I mean I I would say that just look it's the wrong question that's what you want to say it's not it's the wrong question how far sex is sacred it's it's it's not that bad so good to have sex before marriage to masturbate before marriage to do this with this person for it the problem isn't that it goes too far the problem is that doesn't go nearly far enough right it's saying I want this isolated sexual experience but it's like okay well why don't you give them everything why don't you give them your last name why don't you give them your mortgage why don't you give them you know your it's like it doesn't go far enough that's the problem with it I think he wasn't saying masturbation after marriage is okay anyway it's just in case you thought that you were like wait after how many footnotes do I need to my comments you know I just know people like what okay so just covering you but what is so going off of that what is the this is a good question what is the best way to keep healthy boundaries in a Catholic dating relationship your pants on no I'm just kidding but that helps it does well I think well I think well one of the best ways to keep it sound breeze is that you and the person you're dating are growing in your relationship with Christ and are pursuing it like the only reason the person you're dating is growing in the relationship with the Lord is because you want them to that's not really someone you want to date you want to be dating somebody who is striving after Christ more than they're striving after you and I think if you're in that sort of relationship then you're going to be understanding why the church teaches what it teaches and in addition to that you'll be going to regular confession and things like that and so that would be a bit of advice I just want to say so like when you're dating somebody who is on the same page with you when it comes to chastity like my husband I didn't have sex for marriage we didn't live together it's difficult enough to be chaste when the person is on the same page with you oh my gosh my husband is hot I wanted to pounce them okay just to be honest with you are you all the best I love it Jackie's awesome y'all my last name's angel I'm a chassis speaker what was okay so hey Bobbi I've never wanted to jump you Barbie okay so when you're dating somebody who's on the same page it's already difficult enough to live a life of chastity you guys were human beings okay we're human beings we have sexual desires all this up but when you date somebody who is not on the same page as you and you have to be the chastity cop oh my gosh it's not even gonna laugh I mean that is I have tried to do this with other boys it is so difficult and I've had so many so many friends who were like I'm gonna wait till marriage to have sex but then they dated that person who kept pushing the line over and over and over again it was like there was no chance because it's already difficult enough when they are on the same page and you guys are trying this together so good advice is set a time 10 o'clock you have to be gone because after 10 I turn into a Wolverine you know I turned into a monster whatever yeah I'm crazy set a time number to have an accountability partner as a woman I had accountability to other women this I had a friend who kept me accountable with chastity and and she would say hey Jackie how's your chastity going okay so guys girls have accountability partners um and then I would say don't don't that you guys know yourselves know yourselves if you can't don't lay down on a couch together why would you say we had or not at all you had a rule our rule was both feet on the floor oh I like cuz when they get up oh you dig you were trouble four feet four feet on the floor yeah four feet on the floor so if my if my boyfriend doesn't value me or treat me like I have value cut him that's all it was a softball yeah that was so easy I know girl you deserve better go ahead cut him I gave her a big ass ago I gave a chastity torque at some high school in some part of the country and afterwards I had three girls who came up to me and they were explaining to me about their relationship their boyfriends is all the same thing and I said all of you three make a pact that you'll all break up with this person before the day is out it's not that bloody hard now wasn't the same guy do you think any or is that too much no that's absolute that's absolutely right and as like as an older brother you know like as an older brother to you ladies like don't settle like please like don't settle I mean there are so you know there are so many guys even in this room you're like who do that do desire that do desire to respect you and and they and they and they want to lead you to heaven you want to be led and and I think that you know again like as an older brother I'm just telling you find a guy that's gonna lead you to heaven it's that simple and and you know what I I hate to say this but I think often times again like just because of the fair like it's Disney man like they're its it doesn't happen that way it really you know you're looking for a certain size person or a certain look or they gotta have this or that you know please those are not the priorities the prior you know it's not gonna be you know charming it's not gonna you know it might it might be awkward but find that guy and do not settle for somebody that's gonna lead you away from heaven but find that guy that's gonna lead you to heaven stop giving yourself away to these toilet dwellers man like they you know like a please please and and and dudes dudes in this room you know when it when when when you are are feeling like you want to pursue a woman you know lead them to heaven and be bold I see it all too often nowadays in college and and when people come of age to begin to discern marriage there there's this strange awkwardness that is happening you know go ahead and be bold and and say look I'd love to walk with walk to heaven with you you know and and we can lead each other there that's that's where relationship and friendship and marriage begins so that's what I would say your worst dating experience your worst date that was that was on here what was your worst date in fourth grade no that was pretty funny I know he asked me on a date in fourth grade with an American flag card said will you go on a date with me that's not this Saturday but next Saturday it was really cute we went to get ice cream in a movie my parents are nuts for letting me date you for it yet parents don't let your kids date that young it's ridiculous but you haven't had a bad date at all been pretty bloody good I have to say can I can I say this though if you guys I know that people feel pressure to date y'all dating is for marriage so if you're not ready to get married you're not really ready to date can I get an amen so if you don't have a boyfriend or a girlfriend right now don't feel like you're left out okay that doesn't it does not validate you Amen okay that doesn't mean you're not beautiful you're not awesome dating is for marriage my best friend was 29 when she got her first kiss for his boyfriend and she end up marrying him and I'm so jealous that I couldn't say the same for me I wish my first kiss my first boyfriend my husband I shouldn't have wasted all you know so don't feel like oh dang it I'm 18 I had my first boyfriend who cares okay all right why is Matt such a beautiful man he's Australian hello [Applause] you can go on my Twitter the scent is like makes 10 times you know Oh dreamy yeah it's a dude who are set dude you're attractive to men and women alike what is the youngest you should you should date someone like with your daughters and sons what are you gonna do my yeah my we have a rule in my house the well little backstory we have a we have a dinner at our house every week for our neighborhood and the the rule when you know she's she's 16 and she's interested in a guy the idea you know that the rule is they have to come over like they're they they have to be yeah this is their date their date is come over to the house you're welcome to cuddle and do whatever you're gonna do in the appearance on the floor if you're 4 feet on the floor and yeah and I'm not afraid of that like the whole like idea of like cleaning your shotguns and things like that like I don't that I don't buy into that actually because the opportunity to share Jesus with this young man you know if my daughter's really interested in him you know I want to share Jesus with him because I want to you don't want to pour into him so that if he is the one that she will marry you know that will be will be in a relationship as well so again I think it's the wrong question I don't think it's a matter of what age I think it's a matter of where you are which you know in your maturity and also with the Lord start with the Lord it's not a balance you know of you know how do I have a dating relationship and keep God at the center of my life there's no balance here you put God at the center of your life and he will create the relationships for you and he will bless the relationships that you have not the opposite so yeah I wouldn't put an age on it like run towards the Lord and the person who's next to you keeping up is the one you're gonna marry I'm saying like hey buddy how you does community yeah last I there's so many great questions and we would love to get to all of them I literally could do I wish the whole team was out here we could just do this for hours yeah he might be distracting I know they'd look at his beauty what what would you say to someone who is who is struggling with porn and masturbation and would like what would you both look at me because he looks like he probably say say something to these people first of all you probably don't know much about me but for the last several years I have traveled the country and I've written on this topic I've spoken on this topic I'm quite passionate about it you know because we all desire was true good and what's beautiful and from a young age we were given portable x-rated movie theaters to place in our pockets and you know I'm sure I have no doubt that there are many women in here who are struggling with porn and masturbation and the same thing with the guys and just to know this like you're not a freak like what you're desiring isn't the exploitation of other people what you're desiring is to sort of pacify your internal turbulence you know so you feel invisible you feel rejected your dad yells at you you feel crappy from a young age maybe you've learned that porns that thing that I can turn to to sort of settle that it becomes something like a pacifier you know so the first thing I'd say is like you're not a freak you know like sex is good you know like sexual desire is good it's not the same thing as lust but pornography is wicked it's it's evil it's intrinsically evil and so we have to flee from it with as much vigor as we'd want to flee from cancer you know you wouldn't kind of be like well I'll do my best to overcome cancer like no it's going to kill you and you could spend eternity in hell so you need to be bloody serious about it so I don't have a lot of time to get into this but I do want to say I brought this for you there's a great group online could fight the new drug who I work with from time to time and they've got a wonderful online recovery program called fortify program gorg it's not lame at all it's amazing it looks like Google invented it they put hundreds of thousands of dollars into it and I've got a flier here we're gonna have people give them out to you as you leave I think that'll be a great help but I would just beg you if you fall into this stuff don't walk run to the sacrament of confession be very straightforward about it and if you're a bloke who struggles with porn find a good friend that you can be an accountability partner to if you're a lady who struggles with porn find a lady I want a beg forgiveness on part of the church for for making this appear like it's only being a guy's problem if you're out there and you've said things like porns a guy's issue stop it because it's both false and insulting many young women struggle with porn and it's incredibly isolating and humiliating if we lie to them and say this isn't something they should be struggling with so fight the new drug calm also I run a podcast with an atheist called love people use things so we disagree about a lot of stuff but we both agree that your life would be more beautiful without pornography so that's free you can listen to that every week love people use things as a podcast so lot to say but that's a little bit it's so good very good go for it yeah no no no and then we're gonna close it whoo you can pray yeah yeah this is okay before we before we wrap up I want I want to say something I don't know if you know this but I live in Atlanta yeah yeah and I bloody love Georgia I love it I'm so happy to be here you know and we've been talking about friendship and two of my best friends in the world actually lived here and actually here today Andhra Pradesh and John Henry Spann and Joe is actually John Henry's birthday so I want to invite John Henry to stand up he doesn't look a day over 50 to where is he here on a count of three happy birthday to you happy birthday [Music] [Applause] guys this has been great I hope it's been a blessing I hope as you leave from this conference you'll find one or two people around you that you can begin to invest in so you can begin to pursue the Lord with that you can begin to be accountable to so that you can become a more true good and beautiful human being why don't we wrap up in a prayer in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit amen Oh Heavenly King comforter Spirit of Truth everywhere present and filling all things you are the treasury of blessing in the giver of life come and dwell in us cleanse us of all stain and save our souls a good one amen in the name of the Father Son and the Holy Spirit amen

Channel: Steubenville Youth Conferences

Views: 9,064

Keywords: Catholic, Charismatic, Youth Conference, Youth, Conference, Evangelization, Steubenville Conferences, Steubenville

Id: DCvvSp89EtA

Length: 49min 40sec (2980 seconds)

Published: Fri Aug 03 2018