r/Prorevenge Grandma Tricks Greedy Preacher From Beyond The Grave!

welcome to r pro revenge where grandma gets her revenge from beyond the grave our next reddit post is from bama fan for jesus my grandmother was a member of a large conservative bible-believing church for her entire adult life this church which i'll call big white church was a member of a large evangelical denomination big white church was located in a prosperous suburb of a large city in the bible belt of the deep south of the united states grandma was very active in big white church she worked in the nursery every sunday morning helped cooked hundreds of church fellowship breakfasts and dinners accompanied her children and grandchildren on dozens of church retreats and choir tours taught youth bible group on sunday night and was very active in supporting home missions as well as helping with other youth programs she always tithed and often gave extra permissions and special offerings grandma's greatest talent was making other people feel important i've seen this firsthand many times although i belonged to a different church i often visited with grandma and when i did i usually went to big white church functions with her i've seen her single-handedly cook breakfast for dozens of big white church youth a task which took over two hours even in the church's large kitchen then after the meal she asked the group for a round of applause for the high school student leader for doing such a great job of organizing the prayer breakfast i remember that on a youth retreat at a rural church camp she drove most of the night to go back to the city and retrieve a big box of evangelistic materials that one of the assistant pastors whom i'll call billy had forgotten and asked her to get in time for a morning program the next day his boss the senior pastor who i'll call bob never found out that billy had screwed up or that grandma had fixed it for him billy never even thanked grandma even though i was a child this bothered me so much that i asked her about it she said that she didn't mind at all she told me her reward would be that those materials would help children find jesus grandma's service to her church ended abruptly at the age of 73 when she broke her back in a car accident afterwards for the last 10 years of her life she was homebound and couldn't go to church because of this injury and declining health due to old age her mind was just as sharp as ever and her faith remained sincere but her body wore out a little more every day during those 10 years she made many efforts to reach out to her church its leadership and her church friends inviting them to visit to her home etc without success every one of these invitations was declined or simply ignored near the end when she was in home hospice care she decided to plan her own funeral she and my grandpa called her church and asked for the senior pastor bob whom she had known for over 30 years to visit her so they could plan her memorial service which she and grandpa wanted to be held at the church bob was too busy but the assistant pastor billy stopped by a few days later according to my grandpa here's what happened at that meeting with my grandma literally on her death bed grandma grandpa and billy discussed her funeral for a couple of minutes then billy started pressuring her to lay up your treasure in heaven by remembering your church and your will grandpa told him firmly that this is neither the time nor the place to discuss her will they went back to discussing the funeral for a few minutes then billy steered the conversation back to grandma's will with liberal injections of how badly her church needed her support grandpa told him several times that it was inappropriate to talk to grandma about her will or their church's financial needs because she was terminally ill and in an enormous amount of physical pain billy would agree and briefly talk about the funeral but would then go back to talking about the church's financial needs heavenly rewards where your treasure is your heart will be also my grandma started crying to put this into context grandma was more than a steel magnolia she was titanium coated with diamond wrapped in kevlar she rarely ever cried and never ever cried about herself not one tier when the doctor told her that her back was broken so badly that she would never walk again nor during the following six months in futile rehab she would shed sincere but well-managed tears at funerals and while visiting family members in the hospitals when they recovered bad news she would cry to console others weep with those who weep but nobody not grandpa not her daughter my mom nor any of my uncles or grandma's siblings ever remembered her crying for herself but here my grandma was sobbing uncontrollably grandpa a retired steelworker former marine sergeant and korean war combat veteran physically grabbed billy and escorted him out of their house not too gently contrary to everyone's expectations grandma lived another six months mostly because of sheer force of will eventually though grandma passed away and we held her memorial service at the funeral home not big white church billy and bob were conspicuously absent in fact there were no professional christians from big white church at the service at all not even in the audience to start the service grandpa stood up at the podium in front of the crowd and said some of you may have heard that i disinvited billy and bob from the funeral service this service is not an appropriate place for me to give you my reasons for doing this although you all know me and so you know that my reasons are good ones also my wife asked me to exclude them this funeral service may be different from other funerals you've attended it's going to be an open microphone funeral anyone who wants to say something is invited to come up here and describe your friendship with my wife tell a story about her that's worth remembering or anything else that you want to say that will honor her memory and bring comfort to everyone here today i've asked several family members to prepare statements but you don't have to have anything prepared please if you want to say something come up here and do so there were about a hundred people at the funeral service and at least a third of them eventually stepped up to the microphone the service which we had planned to last about 30 minutes lasted for over two hours and as best as i can tell not one person left early there was laughing crying and hugging three of her grandchildren played some of her favorite songs on the piano and guitar we all joined hands and sang her favorite hymns afterwards dozens of people told my grandpa that it was one of the most comforting and uplifting funerals they had ever attended more than a few remark that funerals are better without preachers anyway or something similar a couple of weeks later it was time to start distributing the bequests of grandma's will although grandma and grandpa dearly loved each other they had separate wills because she told my mom that makes it easier for us to respect each other's turf and because their lawyer had recommended it nobody thought that my grandparents were wealthy they had lived in the same small but charming house in a prosperous well-maintained suburban neighborhood for the past 50 years and had worked hard and lived modestly but it was rumored that they had a very nice nest egg as an added incentive to attend the reading of the will the family rumor mill had been buzzing with speculation encouraged by grandpa that grandma's will contain some surprises the reading was held in a conference room at a lawyer's office unsurprisingly the attendees included my mom as well as aunts uncles great ons great uncles and many of the grandchildren we were all surprised however to see billy and bob from big white church they informed us that grandma's lawyer had told him that grandma's will had bequest not only for big white church but also for them personally maybe it was just our imagination but my siblings cousins and i couldn't help noticing that these preachers appeared to be actively salivating over their good fortune at grandma's generosity grandma had a large family so a sizable number of beneficiaries were named in her will the lawyer's conference room was a bit smaller than an average middle-class living room extra chairs had been brought in every seat was filled and people were standing in every remaining space there was barely space for all of us grandma's lawyer suggested that billy and bob sit in chairs which were in the front of the room next to himself since there was a large table in the room this meant the lawyer and these two preachers were the only ones who were directly facing everyone else although the preachers were gratified to be physically next to the center of attention they did not notice as the rest of us quickly noticed that these seats made it easy for everyone else in the room to watch them closely and practically impossible for them to leave the pack to more than overflowing room before the entire meeting was over because they were farthest from the room's single door and there were almost two dozen people standing or sitting between them and their only path to escape the bequests were quite generous but pretty much what we expected grandpa kept their house its contents their retirement accounts and everything that remained after all the other bequests had been satisfied children grandchildren and several local charities received nice but not extravagant amounts of money several sentimental items were named and given to various friends and relatives grandpa was the first beneficiary listed in the will but after him all the other bequests were arranged in order of increasing worth they started with sentimental items which had very small cash value then each grandchild received several thousand dollars then each son daughter brother sister niece and nephew received a little more then several local nonprofits received very nice amounts etc the bequest to big white church billy and bob were almost the last ones listed in the will they listened politely to the other bequests but was steadily growing anticipation as they noticed the exponential upward trend in grandma's largest when grandma's lawyer got to the big white church and the preacher's part of the will he said this is a bit unusual but before i announce these bequests to big white church billy and bob mrs grandma requested that i read the following statement to everyone present he opened a letter that was written in grandma's own handwriting for the past 10 years not one person from big white church has ever called me come to visit me or send me a note to tell me that they cared about me not one minister not one deacon not one of the church women not one of the church members who i worked with for all those years loved dearly and thought were my friends i worked very hard for you when you needed me for many many years but when i needed you and your church you all pretended that i didn't exist i only got one visit when i was dying i invited bob to come to my house and help me plan my funeral this was my last attempt after many attempts that i had made over the past 10 years to reach out to my church and pastor whom i still loved dearly even though they made it clear that they didn't love me if only i could have my funeral at my church maybe some of my church friends whom i hadn't seen in a decade would come to the service and see me one last time and i know they love to hear bob preach so if he preached at my funeral maybe they would come to my funeral to hear him even if they wouldn't have come to see me but bob couldn't find the time to visit me or even call me to tell me whether or not he was willing to preach at my funeral billy came by my house but he didn't want to talk about my funeral he just wanted me to remember his church and my will that's all just remember his church and my will it was then that i realized that i had allowed my church to break my heart for one last time but that was the last time the very last time billy didn't know this when he had visited me but grandpa and i had already prepared my will long before his visit which did include a double tithe 20 of my entire estate for what was now my former former church op doesn't say how much the money was but he does call it an enormous boatload of money generating muffled wows from many of her heirs including me her letter continues but i got to feeling badly that we hadn't personally remembered such nice people as billy and bob so i changed my will to include them by name while i was at it i changed the amount of money that i left to big white church to match all the love they had showed me during the last 10 years of my life when i was suffering and lonely and no longer able to work my butt off for them for free like i had done for almost half a century the lawyer said that's her entire written statement now let's get back to the bequest in the will bequest to billy one cent bequest to bob one cent bequest a big white church one cent billy and bob sat there looking like someone had injected a gallon of novocaine into their jaws every one of grandma's friends and family felt an overwhelming urge to laugh out loud but we kept quiet because we knew grandma we knew she wasn't finished yet grandma was simply setting them up for a one-two punch the best was yet to come and we didn't want to miss it there is one last bequest the lawyer continued for a charity called black charity then he paused before naming the amount most of us had no idea what black charity was but by the looks on their faces we could tell that billy and bob knew black charity very well their faces displayed the same expressions of shock dread and horror that they would have had if the lawyer had said this bequest goes to the demonic baby eaters to buy extra large rotisserie barbecue grills and tons of charcoal every eye in the room was now fixated on billy and bob the lawyer who happened to be my uncle one of grandma and grandpa's sons let the silence continue a few seconds more if we had been able to read billy and bob's minds we would have known the history behind the looks on their faces black charity was sponsored by a large black church just a few miles from big white church they ran a free food and clothing bank assistance programs for foster children home delivery of pre-cooked meals for homebound seniors legal aid and other social services a long time ago big white church which was and still is a hundred percent caucasian had provided a few years of financial and other support to black charity there was a very bitter acrimonious breakup allegedly because black charity was practicing the social gospel while big white church was preaching the true gospel big white church even sued to try to get some of their money back although the suit was eventually settled and very little money actually changed hands but this being the deep south everyone knew the real reason why big white church or any white church would stop supporting a black charity those n-words were getting uppity and not staying in their place grandma and grandpa had seriously considered leaving big white church at that time but they reasoned that it was better to stay there and teach tolerance by their words and example they knew they would never persuade everyone but maybe they could reach some of the youth of their white church and break the generational cycle of racism grandma used to tell us my church is my mission field we didn't learn the true depth of her statement until after she died since then grandma and grandpa had secretly sent a portion of their tithe to black charity every month most of grandma's family including me didn't find out about any of this until after the meeting had ended to many white southerners this was one of the most personally insulting things you could do to them it simultaneously labeled them as racists condemned their bigotry and crushed their delusions of white superiority by saying these black human beings whom you hate disrespect and have mistreated are better people than you are so they deserve my money more than you do having allowed time for everyone to observe billy and bob while they thought about how their white church had mistreated this black charity and how they and their church had treated our grandma the lawyer said the amount is then he named the exact amount that grandma had named in her handwritten letter the huge amount of money that would have gone to big white church if she hadn't changed her will that was our slash pro revenge and if you like this content then check out my podcast where i publish the exact same episodes also hit that subscribe button because i put out new reddit videos every single day

Channel: rSlash

Views: 612,732

Keywords: reddit, r/, rslash, r\, sub, subreddit, best of reddit, reddit top posts, top posts, top posts of all times, funniest posts, funny, comedy, funniest reddit posts, funny reddit posts, funny reddit, fails, cringe, prorevenge, r/prorevenge, pro revenge

Id: M4zWn58DDX0

Length: 16min 0sec (960 seconds)

Published: Fri Oct 09 2020

Reddit Comments

[u/Ador_De_Leon]

Nah, it would have been named BigFilipinoChurch instead of BigWhiteChurch.

[u/Kafkaesque_0809]

Not sure mate, they don't clearly stated the name hut some words and descruptions are what we use.