Rowan Atkinson is Doctor Who | Comic Relief

you are doomed do you are piloting your TARDIS into a deadly trap and even you will not suspect until it's far too late if you're going to spy on me you really should turn the speaker off my dear doctor after our many centuries of conflict naturally I wished you to know that you're certain death is now certain but even you will never suspect that your destruction awaits you on Planet destined for you will be turned the picture of I'm afraid I can still hear you I know that course I know that curse you I wanted to talk to you anyway I have some news that even my arch enemy needs to hear I mean beyond the planets Taurus in two hours relative time and do try not to be late my revenge will be all the sweeter and it will be a deadly vengeance it will be the deadly vengeance where are we dr. planet Terrace once home to the test runs the most kindly and peace-loving race I've ever encountered and yet the most shunned and abhorred species in all history why they could communicate only by precisely modulated gasping admission no planet of the bottle burns so what happened to them they discovered fire no doubt because no one has set foot on this planet for a hundred years you thought you had escaped my traps of death but you forget doctor I too have a TARDIS when you told me to meet you at Castle Turtles I simply traveled back in time a hundred years and I bribed the architect say hello to the spikes of doom say hello to the sofa of reasonable comfort naturally I anticipated your journey back in time and so I travelled slightly further back and bribed the architect first or so you think naturally I anticipated your travelling back in time so I'll travel back in time to an even further point and I bribed the architect first well naturally I had dissipated your journey back to an even earlier point will you stop showing off you've got something to tell the master just tell him I recently calculated that I have saved every planet in the known universe a minimum of 27 times but you know I have grown weary of all the evil in the cosmos all the cruelty all the suffering all those endless and gravel quarries and so I have decided to retire settle down and get married what yes without even knowing I was looking I have found a woman to love a woman more fascinating that all my travels through time and space a girl more exciting than an escape of a ventilation shaft a lover more thrilling than an army of cybernetic slugs cannot wish you a long happy marriage because the moment I am done with this naughty deed in conversation I shall travel back in time once more and by the architect an expensive and suggests he puts a lever just here and a trapdoor leading to the vast and disgusting sewers of Paris exactly there prepare for 500 miles of fear and feces goodbye forever mr. and mrs. since you appear to have fallen down the sewer you won't be able to have dinner with the architect although in fact he's already eaten because I had dinner with him and suggested he placed the trapdoor right here what tip along my dear how could he be here he just fell in the sewers and why is he so much older because it's taken me three hundred and twelve years to climb out of those sewers and then naturally you found your TARDIS and traveled back in time to the prison day no doubt to wreak one of your terrible revenge things after three centuries of coming through the sewers only the darlings will accompany me because only the darlings don't have noses so doctor wait mate Argan yes how things you observe doctor if I am no longer merely a Time Lord my body has been augmented by superior Dalek technology so what can you do with that then you don't know do you 12 years of climbing through the biggest and most disgusting sewers in the cosmos after three centuries of wading through those bass steamy Lakes climbing those huge scratchy mountains after lifetime of only dung slugs for food and the occasional company on those long nights dr. Ola I'm going to kill the doctor myself doctor that worry I believe he knows where 624 years in the southern sewer this way thirty-six years Anasuya the same so given this exterminating you would be the most sensible thing to do why do they always change their minds at the last moment I'll explain later once again I have been augmented by superior Dalek technology rejuvenating my physical form and granting me even more power over the cosmos and I notice not breasts it's okay the Dalek pumps they can detect ion charged emissions and operators in thetic beam locations at a distance about 20,000 light-years they are also extremely firm what are you trying to say why are the Daleks helping you what are you giving them in return secrets of the electronic energy field so full with a sec tronic energy beam the Daleks will be able to conquer the entire universe within minutes with just a beam you may conquer the universe but you'll have to share it with the bid and the bosoms over there that master will be exterminated when he has surveys per person the pastor knew the Daleks and tender came he might help us how are you going to tell him without the Daleks hearing they'll exterminate you on the spot if you say anything I think we've really had it this time don't cancel our wedding yet my darling there's just one thing you've forgotten what Daleks don't have limbs no scraping the barrel of it there aren't you you think my dear back on terrace the master and I'd been bribed the castle architect not only do I speak perfect testament but so does he you mean yes I can communicate with the master by carefully controlled breaking of wind could I be tied to a different chair side lands why do I have chairs on a Dalek spaceship anyway wait well explain later danger you are facing certain doob certain do up try not to catch the Daleks are planning to exterminate you as soon as you this tectonic beam controller will now not only explode it will implode doomed repair the second sonic babe it is beyond my ability only the doctor can do it help him he's dying yes my darling yeah he says I love you Oh doctor you've killed him I think not my child this is only his ninth body he has many many more the miracle of the Time Lords sorry Willa I thought I'll just slip into something more comfortable result cute sexy and look at the mirror handsome you're the kept on I'm not camp that's my fiancee you remember me that I possibly forget the only time traveling companion I ever had you've had lots of companions the only time traveling companion live all right it still mean these old hearts are still yours can you still love me my new body actually I don't think I have too much of a problem with that in my career then saving you metal kids pop into the TARDIS get a bottle a good champagne when you come out it's still celebrate about being about new life together great I think my new body I'm gonna be particularly good rewiring you're my fiance oh dear yeah bit shy of girls now the problems of changing personas unpredictable doctor look at me I'm not a girl doctor I've told you before these are darling bumps they can locate pathetic beam emissions and everything so you don't to try then do you probably not a bad idea actually me too much of a problem probably oh dear now look at that I've gone and used up the three whole bodies and just under a minute well because I forgot to unplug first that really was terribly silly awfully sorry about that my dear unfortunate residual energy I'm a stupid ass should've realized his life is already lost that was a discharge of pure that chronic energy even a Time Lord cannot survive it's terrible power but he can just change again can't you dr. Fred not my dear sect Roenick energy too powerful it has destroyed my ability to regenerate afraid this is the end look after the universe for me but how can we look after it without you I'll explain listen to me you can't die you two you're too nice too brave too kind and far far too silly you'll have father Christmas The Wizard of Oz scooby-doo I love you very much and we all need you and you simply cannot die it was the best bravest of all my foes from this day forward I will renounce evil and follow the path of goodness - he was never cool and never cowardly but it'll never be safe to be scared again it's impossible beyond all known laws of the universe maybe even the universe can't bear to be without the doctor Emma look I've got a CEREC beam locators no doctor I'm afraid those are actual breasts are you sure I think I can see the on switch no doctor we have to face facts we've come back to life and this time you're a woman really I've always wanted to get my hands on one of these unfortunately I haven't your mother's going to get a bit of a surprise at the wedding isn't she do you think we'll both wear white I'm afraid doctor and I'm not sure this sentence has ever been used so completely accurately before but you're just not the man I fell in love with well never mind we can still rattle around the universe fighting monsters and saving planets what could be more fun my best friend by my side my trusty old TARDIS and of course my sonic screwdriver it's got three cities do I have to say you you are rather gorgeous I'm not bad am I come to think of it right now I'm more attractive than I remember why thank you tell me why do they call you the master I'll explain later you

Channel: Comic Relief: Red Nose Day

Views: 9,817,845

Keywords: comic, relief, red, nose, day, funny, comedy, sketch, special, classic, dr, doctor who, Rowan Atkinson, Richard Grant, Hugh, Jonathan Pryce, Joanna Lumley, movie, movie film, episode, series, Mr Bean, widescreen, doctor, mr bean, who, Comic Relief (Organization), Film (Invention), night of the doctor, day of the doctor, Humor, ALLONS-Y

Id: Do-wDPoC6GM

Length: 19min 48sec (1188 seconds)

Published: Mon Mar 16 2009

Reddit Comments

[u/Sol_3_Native]

It's hilarious now, I know a fair few fans at the time who were a bit mortified. To them it confirmed their darkest suspicion; Dr Who was a nostalgic joke for the BBC to spoof and they gave up thinking it might come back.

[u/pm-me-uranus]

That awkward moment when the Doctor is Mister Bean, the Great Intelligence, Professor Slughorn, the Prime Minister, and a woman.

[u/[deleted]]

ha there it is!

"Look after the universe for me. I've put a lot of work into it."

Oh, that Moffat.

[u/Bobboy5]

I'll explain later.

[u/[deleted]]

It's so funny I consider it canon.

[u/[deleted]]

This is called, "The Curse of Fatal Death," in case anyone was wondering. Personally, I consider it pretty funny and clever.

[u/SebastianKrist]

The coolest thing about this story is that I could easily see Atkinson & Jonathan Pryce working in these characters in real Doctor Who.

[u/kronicfeld]

<3 Joanna Lumley

[u/ChronaMewX]

You know, I was literally just meaning to finally check this out. Thanks for the link :p