Romesh Ranganathan being a savage for 10 minutes straight

if you don't side with me i'm going to spend every minute of every hour of the next week giving your stand-up routines online a one-star review and why would i give a [ __ ] that a knob head is one star in my own i'm quite powerful online you're quite powerful online i have a presence right how are you not getting sex it blows me i am tired man i tell you why a few months ago my wife gave birth to our third child well thank you very much but um i don't know if i want a third child or not we plan to replace the glass ceiling for women with something much easier to clean i understand that because like if the cows farting is causing the problem then surely eating them is a solution i i mean she put up a britain first picture right bam the burka right had a picture woman in a burka it said this is disgusting if you want this to stop click like because that is how this woman thinks that legislation works right the base theresa may will look at that and go [ __ ] we're gonna have to ban the burqa three children right we sat down on the beach two of our kids said they wanted to go down to the water so they went down to the water and my wife and i were left with our remaining child and i turned to her and i said this is what our lives could have been but oh no no you wanted to have more didn't you you can make anyone feel racist at christmas it's a really nice little tradition i like to do if somebody comes up to you and says merry christmas you go why would you assume that i celebrate christmas and if they come at you and you go merry christmas do you celebrate you go why would you assume that i don't celebrate christmas the people were surprised by what happened bill is surprised by they say oh my god i can't believe i can't believe what's happening see what i can't believe that one of the the killer wells tried to eat one of the trainers listen that's not a surprise i'm a vegan right if you make me dance with a sausage on my nose for long enough eventually i will try the bloody sausage right i don't think that's a surprise teenagers even though we live in an age where headphones and earphones are really readily available there are some people that believe that they have the right to enforce their music test and other people we all know that those people should be executed i thought [ __ ] i think i'm ukip i phoned up my mom i said to mum honestly what have you really contributed and i'll be honest with you apollo i wasn't that happy with her answers that's the honest truth she might have to go i i've been watching the news and i've been honest with it and i thought i can't really follow what's going on because i'm distracted by their clothes so it's not it's nice to kind of sometimes i'm watching something i think do you know what this would be much easier to take on board if i could see nipples and so that's that's the service that naked news provides they make of you saying i want to do it naked then they loved it mate they loved it because because my look you can look at that look at that physique it's hideous i can only make her look more attractive by sat down being sat next to her i don't know if anyone here has ever lost a child for any amount of time but um it's a very different scene before you lose a child and after you lose a child we we're at the beach and before our child went missing i looked around it was a load of people having a nice time at the beach after our child went missing everybody looked like a child snatcher because when i mean again speaking as a vegan but but my my problem with it [Music] i'm bored all right jesus you guys disgust me yes you're cheesing me eating has anyone here pretzels more than two kids see what i mean it's a mistake what a massive error man but what can you do you can't kill him just gotta sit there and wait to die just uh well my defense you've got to see that it was absolutely amazing i mean it was hilarious come on john john before you carry on can i ask you for the benefit of the court can you speak in your own natural voice today i heard someone say chips and fish i'm still recovering from the discomfort that this phrase inflicted uh the problem is with you uh because fish and chips i know the british people won't like me saying this it's one of the worst dishes so actually the issue isn't calling it chips and fish the issue is not calling it my excess weight and my lack of attractiveness is one of the main reasons i've never cheated on my wife it's not the number one reason the number one reason is because i love her very much but thank you but a close second is lack of opportunity [Music] i actually think that elderly people should just be allowed to be racist because like they've got enough [ __ ] going on in their lives like without having to re-educate themselves i mean like i've pissed myself i've got two false hips and now i can't say [ __ ] like it's [Laughter] [Applause] i'm quite happy to make him feel comfortable bumping to an elderly person just giving the old wobble head to make him feel right i i don't look as good as i used to and i worry about it i've put on weight and i think i don't look i don't look right and then i think hold on a minute i'm married i don't need to look good i just need to look better than the prospect of single parenting [Music] [Music] okay um i think watching that video it's quite clear that you're full of [ __ ] the truth is i love my wife i do love her very much she deserves better than me but i cannot be bothered to provide it i pinch myself all the time to actually go i'm here i'm in the real space and i'm a mom and i'm [Laughter] i'm telling you that because it's important for the next bit i'm not showing off but i'm not one of these ethnic minorities that remain within their own communities i'll move to your neighborhood i'll take one of your jobs i'll shag one of your women he said i thought i thought i thought my brother was with you i said no he's not now he's missing now he's missing and i said to him how could he have gone missing it's a straight line down to the water we're still in view of you and is thinking if you cannot make that straight walk back to us you deserve to go missing what you're saying is we're gonna make it okay for you to park by a broken meter so you know the solution seems to be fix the meters do you mean rather than make it okay to park next to broken ones it's like saying well you know all the trains are late and we know they never arrive you know when they're supposed to so what we've decided to do to tackle the problem we've decided to abandon the concept of time so nobody is ever going to be late for anything i think you know actually we should be talking about immigration now because it's a good thing that he's put on the table because you know a lot of europeans are coming into the country and taking jobs that my parents worked so hard to steal in the 70s it comes to the end of the night this absolutely gorgeous girl walks up to me does not break eye contact for a second i said hello this is happening can phone my wife tell her i've still got it the girl walks up to me says to me no word of a lie taxi for rachel we've got three kids two are good one's a dick um i'll be honest he's such a dick man like i i love this kid but i do not like him like sometimes sometimes i want him to get hurt sometimes i want him to get hurt man when i say to him dude don't do that because if you do that you're going to get hurt and then he does it and he doesn't get hurt i went to watch ice age 4 with my son it's a goddamn abomination right sitting there watching it thinking i can't wait to talk to him about it we get out the cinema he goes to me that was brilliant wasn't it daddy i can't talk to you can i bright colors loud noises you're impressed it was rough is it what the minimum prison sentence should be for anybody that takes their shirt off in the summer i find it unacceptable i remember like when there needs to be hot days my dad would open up the curtains first thing in the morning and say uh the white people are going to get naked today [Applause] did he say that he'd pay it back to you yeah and did you say that no so we've got a difference of opinion here so actually we've actually got text message evidence okay well i'm very excited to see what text messages these two pricks into each other he's basically made it fun for the tourists because they could say anything they want he's unelectable so you can do whatever the hell you want don't mean like we're gonna kill everyone yeah but i'd rather that than vote ed miliband have you had an accident that wasn't your fault and has ruined your life next time use durex i remember before stand up kind of assuming that everyone is essentially a good person yeah i mean that's [ __ ] and now i don't think this is what i find helpful about facebook right what i find useful about it is it enables you to identify which of your friends are [ __ ] basically because what happens is when your friends speak to you they just tell you what they think you want to hear or they sort of like keep their real opinions to themselves but on facebook they post up what they really think and then you think oh right yeah no you are a bellend like [Music] [Music] one [Music]

Channel: Comedy Gaff

Views: 30,956

Keywords: romesh ranganathan, romesh ranganathan savage, romesh, romesh savage, romesh being a savage, romesh ranganathan stand up, romesh ranganathan mum, romesh ranganathan funny moments, romesh ranganathan savage moments, romesh texts gary neville, romesh ranganathan jonathan ross, romesh ranganathan taskmaster, romesh taskmaster, romesh comedian, romesh best of, romesh comedy, romesh stand up, romesh ranganathan wife, romesh ranganathan sri lanka, uk comedy, british humor

Id: z3PEA8lixtc

Length: 10min 45sec (645 seconds)

Published: Sun May 29 2022