Roast Battle Chicago at the Vixen Theater | Full Show

blood back are you guys ready  to start the battles tonight   pretty good pretty good one  more time we need all the energy [Applause] [Applause] oh Nick Pat how you feeling  you feeling no no you're here   you're here you got me right here you  guys feeling good yeah yes yeah yeah   you're feeling great next time you're trying to  [ __ ] with me but you decides here it's not gonna   happen [ __ ] all right all right guys before we  battle who's going first by the way I'll go first   okay Pat's gonna be going first before we battle  we do a roast on three you guys with us [Applause] this is great what's up guys how you doing so  uh Nick I don't know if you know much about   him you probably don't uh Nicholas actually  he was born in Minnesota Minnesota is the   land of a thousand lakes Nick do us all a  favor go pick one of them and drown in it   give it up for the lead singer  of panic at the rehab everybody Pat you look like [ __ ] uh Pat looks like Hitler   if he never became a dictator but still  killed himself in a basement you know at least I [ __ ] my sister  at the Eagle's Nest okay nice and Nick is actually because he's from  Minnesota you know the the NFL team uh is   the Vikings Nick loves them huge fan he loves  the Vikings famous for raping and pillaging   it turns out Vikings also did that  sometimes as well so it wasn't just Nick   how do you look like a stepdad  and a stepson at the same time either way the family jerks  off at a Kmart you know   don't even open anymore there were Trader  Joe's people we would never do that [ __ ] this [ __ ] ah his girlfriend  is way more successful than him   um that's true I met her last weekend when  I was paying her to have sex with me it   was pretty cool he's nice a couple  levels up from Nick though for sure sex work is still work you know uh that's  really good at working with cars uh and   by that I mean he can get his Kia started  without the breathalyzer so uh real mechanic   uh Nick start a comedy in North Carolina  from the south boo we hate that right   um now Nick is Nick started in North  Carolina and I just want to say Nick   [ __ ] you and the horse that you wrote in on  that you're also having sex with I think that's uh me and Pat are our buds uh actually every time   we do cocaine together he yells  at me about how cool communism is   he's always like share the wealth and I'm like  share the bag of cocaine I bought how about that   he's the cheapest piece of [ __ ] in the world 100  lie next dad is from uh England which is that's   pretty not cool but uh I had no idea I had no  idea teeth was an inherited trade but uh foreign over there they call pedophiles pedos   and in the United States we call  pedophiles uh Nick looking in the mirror uh Pat is a really talented musician he's uh  he's a rapper actually you can look at it on on   Spotify peeves the prophet peeves the prophet  did pretty well in Eastern Europe yeah doing   really well pushing some serious numbers I think  he's a lot like the one true Prophet Jesus Christ   um because he's only got nailed  three times and he has 12 followers yeah stop pretending like you guys got that joke  says at all this [ __ ] I thought you're an Old   Testament thanks right uh Nick is uncircumcised  hell yeah wrong yeah Nick is uncircumcised and his   parents actually gave him the choice of whether  or not he wanted to be circumcised or not and   Nick was like well if a rabbi's not gonna bite  it off I'm good I'll keep it you know what I mean uh Pat loves cocaine absolutely loves cocaine but   his favorite white line is black  people actually love my music so nice joke wait is that stuff is that six that's six yeah let's see yeah well let me tell  you Nick has a face for radio he does unfortunately Cuba Gooding Jr  already got that part so uh [Laughter] he's [ __ ] so uh uh Pat actually uh got fired from teaching this  year he was a teacher he got fired for touching   on Evolution too much uh not the scientific  theory Evolution was an underage black girl so [Applause] she even go for these  two animals everybody oh my God   oh man you guys uh you guys [ __ ]  hate each other that's crazy I   didn't know that yeah we shook the road  together it's gonna be a long ride home   yeah that is smoking a lot of cigarettes in  your car on the ride home just as a [ __ ] you   one more time for them opening up that's not  easy to do that was awesome that was so funny I want to start the judging off with Leah Leah  what did you think about what happened up there   well first of all you guys look like the  only adults at a high school keg party [Applause]   but I thought that was that was a good battle  what a great start even though for them I do think that Nick had the edge especially  with the Jesus Christ joke the white line   joke he had a lot of good stuff Pat  you did great but I think he had the   edge on you so I'm gonna go Nick one  for Nick you went up for him come on between two different kinds of drug dealers you  know Adderall and roofies he kept mentioning Coke   like he was trying to drum up business he's like I  really love cupcakes foreign merch after the show   you can find them both of them smoking  in the alley that's oh [ __ ] what a   great battle dude I don't like the  way you're sitting right now Pat Uh   it's just a little too common here's a seven  man okay Jesus Christ that was a [ __ ] great   battle man I really enjoyed it thank you guys for  opening up uh I think at the very end Nick took it   so my vote's for Nick okay two for Nick give it up  for him yeah sir I love it what a fun battle OMG   um but I mean this looks like  bloated Ken and lesbian Barbie to me   right now it's in the theater near you okay  um but I gotta say I love the Trader Joe's   rebuttal honestly Pat I thought that was very  nicely timed and then but Jesus joke Evolution   I love how you came back with the rabbi joke  at that same time religion against religion   right we love competing but overall I do have to  give it to Nick Nick Winston give it up for Nick I can tell the middle section likes pad way  more sure all right stop serving him drinks okay uh I like Pat is so confident but delusional at  the same time you'd see him in the stands at like   a high school sporting event he'd be like I could  score that point they they didn't do it but I   could do it and then Nick would be like hey you're  talking about my girlfriend out there knock it off   uh I really like this I'm going with Pat I  thought Pat's callback's really good I like   catalog yes [ __ ] that I actually won  first three these guys stop the steals   stop those two Nick paid the first three  people in ketamine to vote against me so okay Kevin's used to starting rallies  with that beard and that haircut so you guys did a really good job I like the both  of you Pat you look like someone I would [ __ ]   for free cocaine I don't even [ __ ] do drugs  by the way I've never I've never done drugs   right after this battle and I've never [ __ ]  someone for free cocaine oh yeah I'm sure okay oh free ketamine right because  you're like a horse girl is that anything [Music] [Applause] you cross the line there that was [ __ ]  up it's getting real WWE yeah it was kind   of [ __ ] up I was gonna vote for you  Nick but uh you know I was gonna say   you look like the guy that I would pretend  like I was going to [ __ ] for freak okay um but I was gonna give the vote to Nick  so good job Nick okay whatever these two   animals man great job Megan's doing them great  job good job buddy the crowd drew the line at   horse Girl Material they're like she can  [ __ ] whoever she wants for free drugs   all right this horse girl oh God man you are  kinky McHenry I had no idea that's what you   were into man you guys are feeling [ __ ]  liquored up and good right you feeling good   let's keep the battles going to our favorites  the Queenie [ __ ] and Kaylee harder [Applause] [Music] all right who's going first   McQueeney I know I'll go first queenie's going  first seven jokes each you guys ready [Applause] [Music]   okay that's extra um I don't I know this is a row  so I'm supposed to be mean but it's really hard to   roast Kaylee because I admire her so much you know  uh she doesn't wear a lot of makeup which I think   is very brave uh because I thought you were only  supposed to do that when you had natural beauty whatever you say Tyrus gangs [Applause]  you guys don't know this but Queenie does   a lot of things Queenie is a comedian  and she's a singer and she's a makeup   artist yeah the only thing bigger than her  unrealistic dreams is the size of her forehead it's just my hairline [ __ ] off no uh Kaylee  tells a lot of jokes about molesting children   uh just a fun thing for you to know about her um  but here's the thing she doesn't actually molest   the children the only people who feel molested  after her set is the audience because they only   consented to see a comedy show I got you know I I  queenie's been talking about my looks a little bit   I don't understand queenie's look okay because  the makeup always looks like she's going to the   Oscars and the outfit looks like she's going to  a truck stop to blow a guy named Oscar [Applause]   I believe in truth and advertising  I don't know how that was for me America's Next Top bottom over here also his name was Ricardo get it right Kaylee has the hairstyle of the  children she likes him the last   um is that cool yeah yeah that's  what I meant um here's the thing   though I I get it because you know dress  for the job you're gonna be arrested for uh I mentioned Queenie is a makeup artist which you  guys could probably not heard that the first time   um yeah she does she spends a lot too much time  I would okay the only thing she spends more time   on than doing her makeup is convincing  her family she's still going to heaven I just never lied about that I  will be in Hell wearing red the   day I go there is the day Satan  retires that is my [ __ ] house   uh here's the thing Kaylee dresses like  she tried drugs once and they quit her [Applause] she walked in she's just like  I'm gonna do so I'm cool drugs are like   we're not magic honey okay this isn't an  invisibility cloak but we can still see you I feel better this is coming from someone who  looks like they're on meth right   now [Applause] somehow Queenie has two cats  and I believe the only reason she does so   is because it's the closest she'll  ever come to have an actual [ __ ] did it once and I wasn't a fan so yeah yeah this  is this is my Amy Adams Apple everybody yeah wow   I know you slaved over that one didn't you um but  here's the thing Kaylee already talked about it   and I know I keep talking about Kaylee's  appearance which I know isn't necessarily   like woke of me right but here's the thing I'm  trying to do her a favor because she's a comic   so like something about her should be funny  right I'm just like because here's the thing   Kaylee bombed so much she's on an FBI watch  list right like God forbid she goes to Boston can you talk about my looks all she wants  but that's funny coming from someone who   looks like a Dr Seuss character if  his fetish was brown migrant children Thing Two um Kaylee is aging weird um I think most things  about her reads woman but smile for the audience   real quick she still has her [ __ ] baby  teeth it's like she lost them and went to   the orthodontist and put him back in that's  weird Queenie uh Queenie is a sommelier which   a lot of people know what a lot of people  don't know is that she's also a calm Malia   yeah she can taste any dude's come and  immediately tell if he's HIV positive the bar later if you have any questions  you don't need to go to the clinic I'm   I'm sure and cheaper I'll tell you that last joke a light mustache   um which isn't Brave uh it's just the only way  she could get dudes in Pittsburgh to [ __ ] her I'm a man and woman than you'll ever be that's true that's just true  listen I'm not I'm not gonna   do gender jokes I'm not gonna do  jokes about her pronouns because   that's hack but I do think that's what  she should do to her penis [Applause] give it up for them everybody  holy [ __ ] great job holy [ __ ] when uh when Queenie first did the show she was  like uh I'm I go by the Queenie [ __ ] and I was   like why and then I saw her do that I was like oh  I get it that's give it up for them one more time   everybody keep going wow oh man bad word uh this  is a fun battle between country and Khan that was   I I don't know who won that battle at one point  I thought oh the crowd knows apparently I mean   he bought the [ __ ] great comebacks he both had  great jokes I uh two people just yelled Queen so   I'm gonna say Queenie for my vote that was based  on those two votes Queenie gets a vote that was a   [ __ ] amazing battle the audience voter for  that one Claire Paulette oh wait yes give it   up for uh draggy long legs uh and the house  fly that I caught in my bathroom last night love bugs um this was so hard honestly like Kaylee  I feel like you had the lead Queenie I feel like   you came back with those like rebuttals in a  really authentic way that was like your timing   was great um but I feel like Kaylee came back at  the end so I'm gonna give it to Kaylee okay yeah   Haley it's a vote okay Kevin man how about  that wasn't that something else Jesus it's   like it was like there's like two people in  a Lady Gaga concert just [ __ ] going at it   this song's about me no this song's about me thank  you Kaylee for putting on your punk outfit tonight   yeah you really pushed the levels there and then  Queenie always trying harder than necessary all   right this is this is McHenry they aren't going  to appreciate the shoes um they're not gonna   appreciate it they do you you brought you brought  them more Boys Town at Halsted than they deserve   yeah there's a bigger lift than a boat outside  than those [ __ ] things right now honestly   this is really really hard this is really I'm  gonna go with Queenie I'm gonna go with Queenie seven yeah I'm I'm going for Community  mainly because I know she will stab me   with one of those heels those are I have no choice   um but uh when you said drugs quit her I I  you you won my vote so cleaning all the way   okay Queenie with three votes she wins they  give it up for him come on can't shoot one thank you uh what a great  battle give it up for these two   not every day you see a giraffe  Battle of anemic koala bear but I mean I know Queenie won I'm gonna give my  joke my vote to Kaylee because she came through   in the end I feel like he really held it so great  job one more time for this show everybody amazing   oh that's adorable good job have a good one  guys hell yeah get the [ __ ] out of here you   guys feeling good all right our next two Battlers  coming up to the stage they are again favorites on   our show their pieces of [ __ ] in their personal  lives which makes them perfect for this stage   right here right now are you guys ready give it  up for the very funny Bob Keane and Jay Savannah [Applause] oh yeah who's going first oh I'm  going first Bob is going to be   going first it's seven jokes so you  sure you guys with baby [Applause] Jason your mom's squirting Jason  Jason you do not look good uh you   look like a Gabriel uh if Gabriel Iglesias  started going by sweaty instead of fluffy   the only thing fluffy is the hair on your ass  look when I met Bob I couldn't tell if he read   Harry Potter grew up at Clan meetings or both  which is why his name on my phone is Grand wizard I just gave her a little snake snake ah   uh you remind me a lot of the kids from  Modern Family if he gave creepy back rubs   well you look like you complained for foreplay  that's a comeback not a roast here's roast number   two Bob gives off I got molested by my priest  while my uncle waited for his turn Vibes he   also constantly talks about the sex he's having  so people can stop thinking he's a gay virgin let's just this whole thing just feels like summer   camp to me like it's warm out I'm with  my friends I'm roasting a marshmallow Bob sits down to pee uh I want to sit down after  you go upstairs I want to be sincere for a second   we've been doing comedy for almost about the  same time lots of similarities for example   I've performed in five countries in two languages  while Bob has performed and uh or arrested in five   different counties in Illinois while slurring  a speech in English [Music] hi have performed   in over 15 U.S states in lots of stages while  Bob has been through many states and stages of   depression and denial and I've opened for a  lot of cool people the only person you open   for was your girlfriend and that was the door on  a Saturday night at the Lincoln Lodge in Chicago and also I have a car because I do comedy well  and you have a public transit pass I drove here   but I don't own the car [ __ ] it hurts ladies and  gentlemen what a perfect commercial look guys uh   Jason's Colombian uh so he's not actually fat he  just has a 300 pound condom of cocaine in his ass uh I am Colombian so I appreciate him  doing the the research I'm used to dark   roasts I'm also Colombian and Bob you owe  me 700 700 my product is top white shelf   like top shelf white unlike your girlfriend  Bob's girlfriend is Jewish which means before   he met her women were passing over on him  until he found one that celebrated Passover look I am all right   yeah you guys uh you guys have heard of Dora the  Explorer right that show if you watch closely he's   actually in the next season of it he plays  her uncle Ernesto the molesto [ __ ] yeah I feel like the only reason Bob would ever  build the wall is because he's into glory holes [Applause] [ __ ] [ __ ] how many you got how many we got that  was five okay it wasn't but let's go ah   listen you are perfectly round and you're  constantly eating you're like Pac-Man if   he was being chased by immigration thank you you also look like you put a lot of balls in  your mouth uh problem I want to compliment them   knows how to cook he makes really good  Indian food with a face that screams   butter boy you best believe he can throw down  some butter chicken I can't believe it's not   I can't believe he hasn't  raped a minor yet [Music]   yeah actually I'm having a hard time concentrating  with that shirt you look you look like um Hawaii 500 pounds [Applause] nice you look  like you call mashed potatoes Irish guacamole in a retirement frat home he also looks like  he'd bring free of thick Newtons to a frat   party and call them fat Newtons because he's  edgy all right give me money oh my God my God oh man Bob that was Bob that was a great   roast Jason that was a great  book report that was so cool man whatever Wikipedia you're reading  that whole time I want to take a gander   after the show Claire okay uh Jason you  remind me of an uncle who'd show me like   what salsa is you know Bob you remind me  of an uncle who'd show me what a chode is   okay um I gotta say I think Bob was a little bit  more uh concise and consistent and I really liked   that marshmallow joke so I'm giving it to Bob King  Bob King it's about giving up for him a little   more this is all he has everybody this is it and  he doesn't have a drink Okay Kevin uh get enough   for the creepiest dude to ever wear a tracksuit of  all [ __ ] time and uh Moana comes to life right   over there here we go the live version there we  go uh uh I I really enjoyed Jason I enjoyed uh   reading a paragraph from him every four minutes uh  but I enjoyed it it was fun but I thought Bob got   you just the conciseness that Claire was talking  to go about okay two for Bob give enough for him   yeah I truly have no idea idea what the [ __ ]  either of you said it was like it was like the   drunk at the bar somehow got in a fight with a  coped up line cook like and he said I don't yeah   right yeah right go ahead take your poison I I I  truly don't have an authentic vote for you um but   I I can't remember a thing Jason rambled off so  uh it's gonna be about what's the battle everybody nice Leo well uh so well Jason I feel  like you know I also like your shirt   so you look like a weekend that  Bernie's turned into a decade and Bob looks like he lives off  settlement money from suing a Taco Bell but unfortunately I'm gonna have  to vote for Bob for his punch lines   we're just there unfortunately  Bob gets another vote [Applause]   I mean that was a fun battle Bob looks like  a proud boy but Jason's dressed like one   all right do I love the skulls on your shirt  what are you celebrating day of the deadbeat for the rest of his party this is fun dude it's a fun battle between  two different kinds of mechanics you know price the other one yield oh yeah [ __ ] that's my uncle's work I don't  think it was a clean sweep just realized I'm   gonna give one vote for Jason I thought he did  good I'll give it one bunch of Jason gets a boat   time for these two animals give it  up for them keep it going get out   of here good job guys oh hug  that's adorable give it over yes that's amazing oh my God you guys feeling good  huh yeah let me check in with the panel how are   you guys feeling you guys feel delicious  Kevin oh my God how about this crowd of   McHenry tonight oh my God they are they're I  hope I need to take the blue shoe too early   all right I hope you didn't take the blue shoe  too early some people will rock hard here with   you I thought I was gonna end we're gonna run  over to the bathroom at Buddy's just you know   get frisky what's the plan oh my God there's  so much fun also give it up give it off his   absolutely fantastic venue this is one of the  most beautiful venues I think we've ever done [Applause] everybody the railing's doing a lot of work  here it's amazing hey Chris what's going on   with all the cameras what's going on with that  what's up what's going on with all the cameras   with all the cameras Oh yeah we're filming this uh  if you want to watch this or you got people that   are jealous that you're here and they're not we  got a patreon if you want to subscribe only five   dollars and this whole [ __ ] show is gonna be  available on Monday so he's the promo guy he's   gonna beat me after the show but I'll say that so  it's an abusive relationship what are you gonna do on there and behind the scenes of this battle  we're gonna do interviews with the people you   see battling tonight you can find it there  it's my job to collect [ __ ] there we go and   you can find Matt bamworth's uh Minecraft YouTube  channel also I mean Jesus Christ like comment and   subscribe Minecraft Nation let's get some diamonds  baby you guys ready for another [ __ ] battle huh these two are genuinely some of my favorites that  have ever been on the show they do it all the time   and there's some of the [ __ ] best fan favorites  that we've had in our recent uh Championship   that we had back in March give it up for the  amazing Matthew Mitchell and Vladimir [Applause] oh my goodness we're back to Pure whites everybody  you're welcome McHenry who's going first I'm going   I'm going first Matthew's going first seven  jokes everybody you're with me one two three   [Applause] Vladimir's from Russia  relax that was not the Chernobyl   meltdown everything's okay buddy it's not a  problem it's kind of a big deal over there   in Russia there's actually a cocktail named  after his girlfriend yeah the Moscow mule oh okay have you seen Matthew's craziest Popeye  and popped up eyes it's insane she looks like a   son of Pennywise and Ronald McDonald like he  will eat your kids but only in a Happy Meal geez I'll tell you where I'm hiding my family  good Lord I didn't understand any of that   completely prank I've never seen a  pop punk Soviet before it's crazy   kind of looks like a my chemical  processing plant [Applause] mices from Montana and I have nothing bad to say  about it this state since he moved out from there oh yeah if you don't mind my saying so my big  problem is the women are ugly that's a big   issue with Russia actually the prettiest  woman from Russia is Vladimir so that's Matthew moved from Montana because he got tired  of bisons harassing humans and mating season hey don't be making fun of me pal okay all  right he's all high and mighty because he's   in good shape okay that's what's going  on if my government maybe wait in line   for six hours to get a loaf of bread  I'd have a jawline too okay [Applause] let's get to the chase [Applause]   it's you looks like a certified  sex offender [Applause]   so I wasn't surprised when I learned  he graduated from Catholic School [Applause] oh that was like the difference  between you and Stalin is that   Stalin could kill that's the  big difference I don't know Matthew is such a hipster that he moved from   Montana because there were  no vegan bison mid option what this is a this is something uh Vladimir  last year dated 10 women in one year   that's pretty crazy he thought it was just  one woman but then the over 11 there's another   woman Inside and another woman then at the  end there was a Cadbury eggs [Applause] foreign looks like a proof that seven  generations of cousin marriage Kenneth you're even among capybars sure makes sense last show I don't know  this reminds me of Rocky IV up here this   is nuts not not because not because it's an  American versus a Russian no Vladimir reminds   me of Rocky because he's a [ __ ] with a funny  voice who beats his meat all day okay [Laughter] my answer looks like a guy whose only way to find  clitoris is to use lookup formal in Excel sheets [Applause]   keep it going for this freak show everybody guys that was awesome that was awesome   in a very Russian move Vladimir is wearing a no  lives matter shirt which is [Laughter] [Applause]   a [ __ ] you that everyone was like nobody gets me   but no one can actually get you no  one understands what you're saying Matthew's complaining sorry that was that passed  the Bell that was funny that was passive thing   that was funny you were like oh Russian women  are [ __ ] ugly I was like you're not going to   the sites I'm going to online so I'll tell you how  much right now I don't care if I can't understand   what they're saying I get the picture okay all  right Kevin caliber want you to start this off   I want to give up for Vladimir his real  opponent tonight was the English language but here billion effort in Rebellion effort uh I  did enjoy he said only way to find the clitoris it was it was absolutely wonderful  it was absolutely wonderful uh but   you know Matthew uh you are proof  positive that Russia will lose the   war because you came in and you you  craned this [ __ ] thing Stephanie [Applause] that was so fun right Matt you know you're  one of my favorite people uh but you do look   like a Gummy Bear melting in a hot car YouTube  like that but your jokes your jokes uh they're   solid as always I'm giving it to you Matt  Mitchell okay it's two votes yes okay Leah   well I just want to say like Vlad at least you  can leave here knowing you're way hotter than him that looks like like the  spokesman for generic paper towels on this pretty clearly give it up her mouth  okay imagine three votes wins the battle give   it up for him yes nice I'm glad we finally found  out where the Wagner group retreated to this is   the four of you are staying up to date that  was a [ __ ] great battle uh masu I thought   he did a great job I uh I'm gonna give it to  Vladimir just because he's talking roasting   his third or fourth language [ __ ] great  job to him and that was [ __ ] great okay hilarious Leah oh I'm sorry I'm sorry  Claire call me whatever the other girl   they're all the same we're all the same on this  redheaded Miss Frizzle from Matt bad words Joe   you know I know this is a roast battle but uh  Matthew I gotta say I think you're really like   mean tonight when you said when you said like  oh you said a word at the end of that that was   really [ __ ] up okay I don't think we should  talk to each other like that because you know   you sound like that infomercial at midnight  that just keeps going and going and going yeah come at me guys he's built like a refrigerator she knows a thing or two about  refrigerators you've seen her turn around oh [Applause] McHenry  I'm sorry that's right he tries   to come for the woman he's just like oh oh do it oh but he can't find the clitoris this is like two bears fighting over the  same piece of salmon it's insane that's   okay wait do you have anything else  to say no no I did thank you very much   okay cool I thought that was fun okay  that was cool I love that little back   and forth dance oh my God Matthew great  job hey thank you Matthew Mitchell wins   a rose one more time for [ __ ] vitamin  man thank you so much for doing the show yes get over here there you go [ __ ] yeah  man this has been an action-packed evening   wouldn't you agree pretty cool right lucky for  you it's not over we got a headlining battle are   you guys [ __ ] ready for your Headliners this  evening yes these two have done the show more   than most people have done the show they're two  of my [ __ ] favorites um and this is uh this is   a train I'm excited to see it it's gonna be a  little uncomfortable they get [ __ ] dark are   you guys cool with that I know it I don't know  [Applause] [Music] everybody universe [Applause] [ __ ] yeah have you decided  who was going to be going first   I will Katie is going first seven jokes each for  the last time tonight everybody one two three all right guys uh I wanted to first off I want to   thank Evelyn for taking off her shift  at Spirit Halloween to be here tonight uh she's a she's not a cashier she's actually just  one of the skeletons that hang in the display case uh Katie is from Indiana and is bisexual   which is why she looks like she  teaches queer animal husbandry but she actually thinks that being  bisexual means that you've had sex twice that's true yeah I got sex two times uh one with  her mom and the other with her dad all right actually I was gonna say it was with  your mom and your dad it was Indiana I'm an Avril string bean uh Ellen looks like  if you finger her too hard she'll crack a rib I mean to be fair if you taste your menstrual  blood You Can Tell She's deficient in iron [Music] whenever Katie has sex with another woman  she finishes by saying now that's Progressive all right I love it when Lana Del Vape talks a true Astoria before I battle Evelyn I had  a phone call to get to know each other a   little bit more but Evelyn had to push the  call back because she had [ __ ] her pants   which I love because I think it's a  great metaphor that no matter what   between the both of us she will always  be number two thank you [Applause]   uh Katie is actually going to be the  maid of honor at her brother's wedding which is cool like I didn't know you could  be the maid of honor if you're also the bride you look like you open mouth kiss your  father I don't know what you're talking about   uh so Evelyn's talking about how I'm  queer Evelyn's actually queer too but   she will only go down on a woman  if her [ __ ] is made of Zoloft and I will only scissor if  there are actual blades involved I need metal near my labia um yeah Katie kin AIDS everyone it's weird I never thought that but  if I ever actually met the Barefoot   Contessa she would be in the  midst of her Olympic Journey foreign we're both queer both queer woman up here and  like Evelyn said I'm bisexual which means I'm   attracted to both men and women and Evelyn  is pansexual which means that she's annoying [Music] [Applause] with your act you can rename  it just dead pansexual and you can go that wow   yes I am the most morally Superior sexuality uh uh Katie's parents own a karate  studio when she was a kid but she   never got past yellow belt she  just was only really ever into   it when she could wear a completely  white robe and assault minorities [Applause] it's funny because Evelyn has actually  been in a bunch of martial arts movies   she plays the board that they break in half it's a vital role um so a number of people  know this about Evelyn but she actually used   to be a rapper and you can actually find her on  Soundcloud under the name dangerously Slim Shady   I mean it was better than her backup  name which was white Rhymes matter they thank you Indiana Jonestown Katie works out a lot um because  for her it's important that she   can do anything that a man can  like like beat her future wife I have traps of a champion I don't know  what to tell you last joke last joke all   right so uh Evelyn looks like she has a  rewards punch card for the suicide hotline three more punches and they'll  pull the trigger for her [Applause] I I think it would be really healing  for society if Katie killed herself because then people would be like oh I  guess Casey Anthony did feel a little bad   foreign [Applause] [Music] [Applause]   wow that was uh I warned you it would be  dark dude I [ __ ] I gave you the heads up   but seriously I'm gonna do what they usually do  one more time for these animals man keep it going so [ __ ] great great let's start  with Steph what did you think I think   fans whatever sexual for you guys I  was great that was really good that   was that was actually an insane  battle uh it's really good jokes   um from both of you and rebuttals uh but God damn  it Evelyn God [ __ ] damn it Evelyn the scissors   next to your vagina like God damn it or whatever  the blades and the the beating future wise like yeah anyway Evelyn you're insane Katie you were   you were a killer too but I'm giving  it to Evelyn Evelyn gets involved even though candy looks like she's bullied  Evelyn into bulimia which is kind of   all right hold on you're excited Crush that's  probably what it was uh okay Leah well I feel   like this beef originated from different sides  of a cafeteria or like Katie was talking about   what she was gonna wear to a football game and  Evelyn was trying to kill birds with her eyes I mean that was really close I think like Katie  I loved her comebacks I thought you were really   on point with The Comebacks but Evelyn you  just get me you're so creative you're so   creative like I've never seen somebody roast  like you so I'm gonna give it to him they're   very creative and scary Evelyn Troutman  everybody she's gonna kill your birds I think both of you feel like your bassists and  like a rock band you know all right [ __ ] me I uh Ben Memorial is you know what I mean man's playing  rock bands we're on a concert stage all right I'm   gonna kill myself after this I want you to do  man [ __ ] you Birdman oh man I'm gonna kill   myself all right well that was fun I I think  I think Katie had better comebacks I only have   to Katie for the company backs okay Katie get  some vote give it up for two one Claire because   this was so freaking fun oh my gosh so much  great gay on stage right now this was lovely   um and for me I mean I this was so like with  the rebuttals and everything the kissing the   Father the martial arts the board and then the  progressive uh that Progressive joke got me so   I give my vote to Evelyn that means three  forever Evelyn wins the battle thank you great job I do want final thoughts  from chemical you know who the real   winners are tonight Chris this  great crowd here pretty good [Music]   too both like Pro suicide at the end yeah no  you want to kill yourself no you want to kill   yourself why don't you just do it why don't you  just do it I also said that Katie said she was   bisexual so she can get more votes for prom queen  somehow I sort of felt like honestly I'll give it   to Evelyn this is absolutely fantastic give it up  for both of them amazing job from our Headliners   you guys are amazing now get the [ __ ] out  of here give a go for them [Music] [Applause]   oh it got hot at the end isn't that  great it's a little dessert course   at the uh guys this has been Rose battle  Chicago how the [ __ ] are you feeling huh this is the biggest show we've ever done and  I appreciate you all coming out give it up for   an amazing panel Leah cajunian power clear for let  Kevin the Irish Callum and Stephanie Robertson guy

Channel: Roast Battle Chicago

Views: 34,139

Keywords: Roast Battle, Full Roast Battle, Roast Battle Full Episode, roast battle chicago, roast battle comedy central, comedy central roast battle, roast battle comedy, kill tony, Roast Battle Chicago, Chicago Roast Battle, chicago roast battle, comedian roast battle, comedians roast battle, roast battles, Evelyn Troutman

Id: y9PY9e9xqCc

Length: 51min 14sec (3074 seconds)

Published: Wed Sep 13 2023