Kayley Horton vs. Bob Keen | Roast Battle!

what is there to say about Bob Keane Bob's favorite band is tulle which is a joke and of itself but it does make sense though because having a conversation with Bob is like every tool song it lasts way too long and makes you contemplate committing suicide acting spiral out [ __ ] uh guys kayle's one makeover away from being a six do you own a mirror she uh she's what happens when raggedy an and Pinocchio forgot to use a condom when I first met Bob he I was shocked to learn that he used to be homeless because I assumed he still was he has less teeth than my six-month-old niece okay like guys uh Kaye you're built like you TW work with your shoulders like you remind me of a stripper that gives lab dances to circus music okay Zach hack of [Music] finacus I uh Bob Bob is the most Chicago guy I know because every guy is afraid to get near him because of the violence you're one of the few people I've ever met who's been in multiple fights and left the guy looking healthier afterwards everybody give it up for Gumby's [ __ ] cousin you know Kaylee has a very interesting uh uh ethnic background uh her mom is Scotch Irish and her dad is one of those inflatable tube things outside of a car [Applause] dealership Bob you guys don't know this but Bob actually got engaged recently which is insane for him like I was yeah it it blew my mind that anyone was willing to marry him but then I remember the vow was till death do his part so she's looking at 3 to 5 years tops do you know like not much of a commitment Kaye how bet when you come you make kazoo [Applause] noises you wish you knew no no Kaye no kay you look like if somebody tried to draw a feminist from memory Bob looks like like he's the proud owner of a Discord where he gets to like share nudes of underage people who are related to him my family aren't people um uh Kaylee actually uh has the word [ __ ] tattooed right next to her [ __ ] which makes yeah which makes sense you need to label stuff that's unrecognizable she looks like she's sat on an M80 I'm literally scared to look at your genitalia like I don't know yeah you might want to eat well you guys don't know is that like Bob's actually a very good cook and he had to get really good at cooking because he's so used to doing bad comedy the only thing he's used to eating is [ __ ] on stage one more one [Applause] more Kaylie I'm going to need you to uh pull up the left sleeve on your shirt really give him the 360 yeah Kaylee has the yeah Kaylee has the tattoos of a bowling alley waitress she walks to the tattoo shop like I got seven bucks and some Zanex who wants to help me get back at my [Applause] mom Bob is like the human version of [Music] malort it's disgusting smelly and the last thing I ever want in my [Applause] mouth all right we got a real one you Bob you more oh that's right uh kayle's from a small town called Elmyra New York it's the kind of town where fifth graders get abortions just for the lollipop and and look at her killer ending you guys [ __ ] no no and look at her she's definitely been asked to put out her cigarette during a C-section thank God you tagged the end because otherwise cool all right there we go all right let's go to the panel here we go who wants to start it off who wants to raise their hand hop in there hop in there Bob you should have stopped while you were behind this was a fun battle between the PTA and the PE teacher who touches kids this is a fun legal case between downtown Chicago and the [ __ ] suburbs this was and what a surprise I think the suburbs won my vote goes to Kaylee one for Kaye one for Kaye all right Katie K Kate oh man Bob you you look like you only search for stepdaughter porn and then Kaylee just looks like the stepdaughter no this was super fun this was so hard there were so many great jokes I loved the three to five years I love the the bort joke at the end was crazy good the Kum kazoo joke was so good um I feel like I feel like Bob really was like having was a little bit more consistent but I just think those Pops at the end for Kaylee I think the bort jug was the best one of all I'm going to go with Kaye oh yeah two for Kaylee two for kayy all right Chris Creo how you doing how you feeling I'm feeling great man I got to keep this short because you guys got to go you know back to whatever bus route you both are driving so honestly what was great about this battle was watching everyone not wanting Bob to win however laughing because dude he had twerking with the shoulders he had the the wacky inflatable arm flailing Tube Man thing he had the kazoo noises he had the [ __ ] but Kaye had The Comebacks she had the eating [ __ ] she had the malort I'm going keep it interesting I think Bob is four to kayle's three I'm GNA give my vote to Bob good job both right one for Bob one for Bob here we go oh let's keep it interesting who do I go to next Nick car you look ready um well Bob said that Kaylee looked like a bowling alley waitress when Bob looks like he got arrested at a bowling alley which is crazy for pulling out of his pulling out his dick and being like this is a 16lb ball right here this is a 16b ball over the line um both of you guys had awesome jokes it was a sick battle but uh Kaylee had that sick ending joke and I've been giving it to the you got to end with a banger so I'm going to give it to Kaye Kay that was aw all right kayle's got it Brandon kefir wrap us up here WRA us up I hate remember kefir I'm giving you a right home yeah I'm voting for you regardless you already lost it doesn't matter I just hate to see people uh two people fight from the same trailer park you know what I mean I will say both you guys are great Bob you really [ __ ] the bed at the end uh but I did think it was great and you are my right so I'm voting for you solely because I'd like to get back to Chicago three to two is a win Bob gets it so they can buy pizy pizza Casey's on the way back or some [ __ ] like that give it up Kaye wins it that's our last one right there we got one more we got one more we got one more give it up from Kaylee Horton Bob te there here we go give it up for them guys you guys been great you guys doing good all right once again guys we're taping this we're going to put this up on YouTube once again we want to give a great thanks out to the vix and being a wonderful host for us here tonight this is what it's about uh we're going to be selling merch we have T-shirts exclusively for the show that we have in the back as well come by say hi we'll put the link up on the screen you guys can follow us on all the different apps we have a patreon where you guys can support us as well and uh see the shows completely unedited so we don't get fired from a Fortune 500 company in the future uh because we said some really inappropriate [ __ ] let me ask you a question are you guys ready for your main event tonight all those people hiding in the back corner you guys ready for your main event tonight please get loud for the Queenie [ __ ] and Jessica missano [Music] all right okay all right ladies who wants to go first here [ __ ] I'll do it all right you guys know the deal here we go one more time get loud back to the front 3 2 1

Channel: Roast Battle Chicago

Views: 2,094

Keywords: Bob Keen, Kayley Horton, roast battle, Roast Battle Chicago, Chicago Roast Battle, comedy central, stand up comedy roast, roast battle comedy, roast battle chicago, chicago roast battle, comedian roast battle, comedy central roast battle, stand up, stand up comedy, zanies, zanies comedy club, zanies oldtown, zanies old town, chicago comedy, kill tony, killtony

Id: sEzh6Hv7nIw

Length: 9min 53sec (593 seconds)

Published: Wed Mar 13 2024