FULL You Look Like Roast Battle W/ BigBaby Green and Matt B.C. at The Riot Comedy Club

ladies and gentlemen welcome to the legendary Comedy Room at rogards we are the r comedy club and make some noise if you're ready for you look like now please keep it going for your host big baby green and M [Applause] BC the light let it play let it play the parking lot we turn head you know the song I'm too white for this [ __ ] y'all know this song Ain't No pimp you a fairy [ __ ] ah [ __ ] h [ __ ] all right cut that off oh [ __ ] what's up Ry make some [ __ ] noise how we feeling tonight how y'all feeling oh [ __ ] we going to have some fun in this [ __ ] tonight man all right where y'all seeing us at you got all right first off we have I don't know what Discount Tire you came out of but you need to go back there sir get your uh Nigerian preacher looking ass on somewhere boy you're doing white person cosplay right now what is this what you talk like the only black person on a soccer team sit your [ __ ] ass down boy this is not your show my [ __ ] we can make it your show look at your teeth [ __ ] you look like you belong on a paper towel at Don Dollar General that [ __ ] open I TR I that [ __ ] open everything with his this [ __ ] got Dracula teeth over here want to talk all out what the [ __ ] did you stand up for in that lame ass shirt oh [ __ ] I'm GNA be on his ass all show so be ready for it oh shouldn't have said nothing this is you look like the world famous you look like uh y'all seen us on Tik Tok Make Some Noise YouTube oh yeah YouTube we at like 5 million views right now we going crazy in this [ __ ] uh so this show is about being mean as [ __ ] all right we don't do no [ __ ] [ __ ] okay it's going to be two comments come up here they going to take four minutes and they going to go at each other neck for those four minutes back to back all right at the end each one of these y'all going to clap for the [ __ ] that was funniest all right do not clap if they are not funny do not clap for these grown [ __ ] bro we don't do no charity work in here send these [ __ ] back to the grocery line if they ain't funny don't laugh don't clap all right be mean too okay all right later on we going to pass out some paperwork for all y'all to sign out for y'all to put your own little roasting [ __ ] on them too all right you can put your name on them I advise you not to but what we ain't going to do is you be like hey we ain't doing that [ __ ] I'll make y'all stand at the door and sign [ __ ] on the way out till we figure out who the [ __ ] wrote it all right we going we going to have a good time tonight all right right for the second round we going to have a crowd volunteer okay so one of you [ __ ] is going to volunteer to come up here and our comments are going to roast you all right but we going to give you a little treat though we're goingon to get you drunk though we gonna get you drunk okay all right and from that round we G to have folk comics and you goingon to pick a go to the championship round from that okay it's a democracy all right sound like so in case you don't know what we F to do uh me and my boy Matt going uh just do a little [ __ ] real quick um you look like your mustache got a [ __ ] stamp in and say you look like Tyrese's fat cousin th Reese you look like you played an extra in 22 Jump Street [ __ ] I'm not that talented you look like you just bought the 2023 Reebok insul [Applause] pumps [ __ ] you look like the manager at the Goodwill shut the [ __ ] up come on dude I'm the general manager y'all see where we going with this can y'all take that shot I hope it be a lot meaner than that okay all right so since we running a little behind we G to go to get this [ __ ] kicked off okay y'all ready for the first match of the night y'all ready all right at this corner right here it's one of my [ __ ] man it's one of the funniest [ __ ] in the city he from St Louis but he come to Houston he do his thing man y'all Mak Some Noise to my dog Mr Tommy [Music] [Applause] Dangerfield and give it up for the very funny Tom [Music] [Applause] Coley y'all get up for y host too pinky in the brain give it up pinky in the we going to come up front of Center for photo ops all right all right all right okay and we going to ro we got four minutes on the clock okay Bet all right we GNA let the white man go first okay as you do uh that [ __ ] look like somebody parole officer uh I'm I'm representing him St all right we going to roast in uh three two one you look like a big mouth bass with a mixtape you look like all the homeone monsters on big mouth all right um you look like you were caught cheating with a fishing line you look like your mama your favorite cousin it's fair enough uh you look like you sell breast milk at a homeless shelter you like you got prescription date rape glasses he jumping like salt bait I yeah I got him right here uh okay uh you look like you have a Crown Royal bed spread so I like that I like that I like thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you I like that there we go you would like Harry Potter if you find heroin instead of [Applause] magic cuz he found her you ain't never did her like coke uh with this body uh you look like Marshon Lynch ran out of discipline you like every white man that got diabetes the [ __ ] you need a shot represent um speaking of diabetes you look like blade if he took is artificial blood with cream and sugar so dressed like a hillbilly Viking all right you look like the predator of Third [Applause] [Music] Ward thank you thank you thank you you like you got a sign in your y to say keep away kids you look like you work at a lady's Foot Locker so you like you can't go into L's Foot Locker that's correct godam you look like the abusive boyfriend in every Tyler Perry movie so that's you look like your mama got the best meth recipe de side in Mississippi you look like you need to chew on your words uh all right that was cuz he mumbled you were like several lesbians right now it's true it's true you like Ellen Deiter not [ __ ] Ellen De genderless uh there we go uh you sound like you drink cigarette water so should probably stop doing that you like the only athletic thing you do is rape give me the [ __ ] you look like a broke Michael Chay you like you rob homeless people for your outfit I know Mikey shoes when I see him all right well you look like the only drip you have is chyia so that's he should know he's the doctor that served this yeah I diagnosed you um you work at several Walmarts too I can tell by the vest I'm the greeter uh you look like you charge your daughter gas money you look like you can't be in 10 ft of your daughter just or your cousin or your little cousin what makes you think wearing this that I've had sex so I mean what what are you doing come on you do like the last person you had sex we made you playay first you just called me a lesbian and you're like lesbians have sex they just don't pay for it first like you just all right well uh you look like Susie from Rugrats grew up so you guys don't watch Rugrats that's cool uh that's probably not helping my case so you you look like the dude that died on friends now all right you look like lowercase T pay so [Applause] you grab the mic oh [ __ ] okay okay that was nice all right that was kind of decent not too bad not too bad both you [ __ ] look like substitute wrestlers yeah you kind of look like you jerk off to textbooks I don't know it's kind of it's a tough look dude you got your baby PCT on your shirt that's crazy oh damnn Tommy you look like your knees got magnets attached to them I don't know you just got painting something that's [ __ ] yeah I know it looks good huh no it looks homeless I was pain in your crack house this [ __ ] look like get back to worky hey doesn't big baby look like Ice Cube ran straight out of insulin ah [ __ ] no no no he looks like he puts the XL in Black Excellence okay that's good all right both you [ __ ] look like y'all played on the Last Dance [ __ ] get the [ __ ] up out of here y'all [ __ ] grew up in the same trailer park shut the [ __ ] up that's his vest I knew I knew that vest God damn it oh is it a race war now is that what's happening [ __ ] Carl winow call me Carl winow the family dop M big ass back boy your ass look like you run every Dyke in the city boy shut your ass up you never day in your life feel like a for I haven't [ __ ] the [ __ ] there can only be one though you like okay there going only be one all right so we got to vote for this [ __ ] now y'all know who was funny and who wasn't all right y'all want to see my dog Tommy to the next round go Ahad and make some noise oh D that's terrible terrible that's terrible okay okay okay okay okay all right what about for Tom let's hear it I think that's decided that's going to be Tom thank you we got my dog Tom C it to the next round Make some noise [Applause] okay that was kind of fun that was kind of fun was not too bad that was not too bad I don't like how them [ __ ] was kind of built like each other a little bit no I learned a lot of lessons from that Professor though yeah good sorry teachers assistant my bad my bad professors actually get [ __ ] that's that [ __ ] look like a that [ __ ] like an extra from Spider-Man he looked like he didn't make the cut dude he video game character the little pocket watch is all he was missing from that outfit the one [ __ ] Tommy's the one who just selles watches out of his [ __ ] jacket Hustle Man jacket having ass H there we go it's a lot of black people in here tonight all right man we G to keep this [ __ ] rolling man y'all having fun so far okay it's only going to get it's only going to get more vicious that's all I'm going to say okay I got you all right y'all I'm going to need y'all to start clapping give it up for the very very chicken Joe [Applause] Clark keep that same energy going for my little homie my little essay in this [ __ ] Mr Ricky [Applause] Rivera all right we going to let Mr Ricky go first on this one we got to come up a little bit for photo op come up to the front come on up make nice and pretty for y'all see I can space all right we going to let Ricky go first you ready y'all ready y'all ready all right we going to roast in three two one go chicken looks like he's married to the game and his cousin you look like you've never seen over a steering [Music] wheel you look like a trailer park mascot you look like the type of guy to stop at red lights in GTA 5 you look like you starting a capital [Music] twice you look like Speedy Gonzalez cousin Slowpoke Rodriguez you look like you you look like you write long ass roast yeah sorry you look like a teu Ralph Barbosa that's just for me you look like you lecture people about ipas you look like you sit down when you [Applause] pee on your face you look like your uncle's also your dad you look like a flea market mannequin you look like you're only racist at night you look like you need a trampoline to get in bed you look like your favorite movies is American History [Music] X you look like you have enchilada flavored candles at the casa chicken looks like he owns a sign that says anything helps catch me under 59 baby you look like a genie that comes out of a of a Modello bottle sorry they are long chicken looks like he eats a cereal with Mountain Dew you look like you have a mouth full of chihuaha teeth chicken looks like he calls his bosss chicken nuggets you look like you put nacho cheese on blunts you look like Doug Dynasty if they went to rehab you look like you take key bumps of hot Cheeto dust you look like the king of the homeless uh I do I do do I know yeah you look like you start your mornings with Flintstone vitamins they're the best you look like the after picture of weed no wait you look like the after weed pictures of uh the Dare program sorry that guy's distracting me bro that guy [ __ ] distracting me dist he looks like a retired Michael Jordan quiet please that's bloody as [ __ ] you look like you were baptized in sauca you look like you do circles on your bed before you go to sleep you look like you can get a great night of sleep on a love seat you look like you have the Confederate flag as a [ __ ] stamp you look like you put mayonnaise on candy corn chicken looks like he owns a musket yeah that's funny you ask for booster seats at restaurants you don't like kid crack rock you look like you have nightmares about flying chunlo you look like a waste of white [Music] [Applause] privilege very well done boys very well done I waste a white PR y [ __ ] I don't know how both you [ __ ] look like leprechauns but we pulled that off like he's his father he's the leprechaun dad you [ __ ] look like y'all run a chaaha form together Ricky looks like the pinata at the king Siera the [ __ ] Matt looks like a pedophile you look like the kid I molested big baby green looks like DMX l no no no big baby looks like he gives himself pep talks before walking up the stairs okay n big baby looks like the long lost member of the Bone Thugs and Harmony neckbone don't start talking now you look like you're 90% meth you look like Captain free Bas y'all [ __ ] look like a homeless music group [ __ ] shut the [ __ ] up [ __ ] my undercover cop that's what you look like I am you're under arrest this [ __ ] Ricky so small you throw him in a pool it's like big baby so big they throw him to a pool Bo yo English is even small [ __ ] bilingual baby little bitty [ __ ] y'all look like y'all all paint at the same Workshop [ __ ] all y'all work Ricky can't talk unless he talk first head ass you just want to be normal white that's all you want I just want to be equal looking that's it I to waste a white privilege was hilarious oh my God I see it uh hey y'all got shut the [ __ ] up right here at this table y'all too close to be talking that loud okay [ __ ] oh the black dude gone now what the [ __ ] oh man all right there can only be one we got to pick one of these [ __ ] go to the next round they both was kind of cold in this [ __ ] though this was hard y'all want to see my dog Ricky to the next round go ahead and make some noise if y'all want to see chicken go to the next round Make Some Noise ah that sounded like Ricky to me I like y'all y'all listen y'all get up for Ricky to the next round Ricky R some Mexicans in here tonight there's a bunch of black people over here quiet as [ __ ] [ __ ] all I see is shadows and teeth [ __ ] if y'all don't [ __ ] clap [ __ ] damn help a [ __ ] out I'm trying to get some [ __ ] to the final [ __ ] running out of black people [ __ ] what the [ __ ] see this white ass dude up here clap [ __ ] [ __ ] oh man oh I love my job all right y'all ready for the next round man y'all ready Make Some Noise watch y'all start clapping man y'all catch this dude on 975 ESPN Radio Houston one of the funniest people in the city y'all give it up for my dog Mr Barry [Music] [Applause] lamin thank you thank you and make it up for this comic he is absolutely hilarious he's hitting shows all over town give it up for will [Music] [Applause] Owens this going to be fun oh [ __ ] all right we're going to let uh black people to vote for this round that's cool that's fair where my white people at okay [ __ ] [ __ ] that's how you get in this [ __ ] at least I know we vote oh [ __ ] [ __ ] all y'all I don't I don't want to be here I can't lie [ __ ] how Obama got in there [ __ ] I don't care that's all Obama got in there thank y'all oh like [ __ ] you I all right all right all right we got to get this [ __ ] going we let Mr Barry go first switch that one switch that one we gonna let Mr Barry kick this [ __ ] off all right y'all this whole table gonna be the audience volunteer damn all right we going to roast in three two one you look like you're into the anal sex but it has nothing to do with her [ __ ] y'all like that that one a little too much uh you look like Jared from Subway if he was only eating at Jersey Mike you look like you only [ __ ] fat white women with prison tattoos I feel like that one was true I got hit hard he's like stay out of my diary you look like a lawyer that be scamming [ __ ] when they get in the car accidents just on every Ham on every billboard you look like JJ if the show was called okay times I like that one uh you look like Bruce Willis if the dementia started during Pope fiction you look like you snap when you make your point you look like Paul Blart Farmers Market cop oh uh you look like you wake up every morning and yell go go gadget neck you look like a third W FL Fred Flintstone you look like Chris Rock's brother Fraggle Rock this guy knows this type of rocks you look like Wy the Pooh if he had a 700 credit score oh you look like Debo stole your the chain your Grandmama gave you you got there you look like Buzz Lightyear if he was buzzed all Lightyear oh thank you you look like you could get a neck tattoo of the whole Bible Philippians 4:13 you look like when you have sex with your wife you don't take your shirt off get out of my diary you look like you could deep throat a pool noodle I like that one you look like you let your kid stepdad whip your kids I know they bad as [ __ ] I you look like it takes you 30 minutes to swallow in sections just pause pause you look like the criminal and a parole officer of a white collar crime you look like the confused black guy meme I'll take it uh you look like Peter Griffin if he smoked a little weed in high school you look like a Pez dispenser that only gives out ruies that was crazy just put rape on me like that you look like you've been fired as a middle school girls volleyball coach he's winning games but he's touching the kids you look like you have to pull your turtlenecks up like they're socks you look like you hide in a closet while your wife has sex with other men you look like you've had it up to here with this [ __ ] uh you look like Mr Crocker from Fair parents if he had diabetes it's a young one thank you it's a young one all right thanks white man like I'd see it if you squint shut the [ __ ] up no um you look like everywhere is your neck of the woods one more uh um you look like you have a son that gets arrested and goes do you know who my father is all right y'all give it up okay but seriously do you know who my father is good [ __ ] good [ __ ] man it's okay Shake hand battle rappers what all right man that can only be one can only be one all right y'all want to see my dog Barry laminate to the next round go and make some noise [Music] y'all want to see will Owens go to the next round let's hear [Applause] it [ __ ] we got do will on to the next round Make Some [Music] [Applause] Noise oh [ __ ] I thought the black dude was goingon to lose that one it was rigged okay thank you dude got some power in this [ __ ] okay oh [ __ ] we got to keep this [ __ ] rolling man y'all ready ready for the next round go ahead and make some noise see it y'all give it up for my dog Mr Ryan [Applause] thurn and let's hear it for Joshua [Music] [Applause] Jordan okay okay okay those y'all don't know my boy Joshua is from Lafayette man he's champion from Lafayette uh I just met Mr Ryan and he he that [ __ ] all right we going to let Mr Ryan go first okay all right we going to roast in three two one I feel like this is going to be easy CU you look like a shitty version of me and I [ __ ] hate me so it's going to be easy you look like the Twin that Sean White absorbed in his mother's womb you look like me if I was from the Shire you look like you cook meth in an air fryer you look like me if I got to hold some pin particles not Marvel fans that's fine that's okay you look like you made a bet in high school that you could make any girl the prom queen you look like you tried to sell drugs to all the cool kids in high school and they said no thanks you look like you have a [ __ ] stamp of a Confederate flag it's a rebel flag to be fair you look like you break into workshops at night and fix shoes you look like Prince Harry's reflection in his cocaine mirror I look like royalty [ __ ] yeah you look like Santa's really pissed you got out you look like you ask other men to bang your wife while you make Cosmos in the other room you look like every guy my ex settled for you look like you tell people it's not the heat it's the humidity have you been to Houston it [ __ ] is um you look like the the assistant manager at a magic store the Gathering or real magic I mean take your [ __ ] pick really sure do know a lot about magic huh I do you look like you smell like a sweaty birken stock that's actually pretty accurate uh uh you look like you just kind of gave up on a beard halfway through you look like you only eat ass if it's [Laughter] grass-fed you look like a judge let you off cuz your dad knew a [Music] guy you look like you say that's how they get you when you watch to catch your predator that's how they get you you look like a stunt double for sh of buff you look like you can't jerk off unless the porn stars are pretending to be related you look like some sort of movie cre Recreation of me if I was playing myself as a 12-year-old you look like a lumberjack that only cuts down trees that say black ice you look like my little brother except for he's 6'2 and can get laid you look like you tell people you're an insignificant amount Native American I'm not even mad about that that's fair you look like a house elf with a toupe you look like the human version of a Ed Hardy t-shirt you look like if some wizard made milk toast a person you look like Beaker from The Muppets if someone added more stuffing I [ __ ] love that one that was [ __ ] great damn okay [ __ ] man y'all make some noise for these two real quick man let's hear it for them yeah don't they look like they sleep in the same bed bed together bunk beds I get to pick the bunk obviously of course they both look like they got a problem with calling it indigenous people's day it is Columbus Day [ __ ] Josh kind of looks like he started tutoring tutoring girls so he could hit on him Josh look like uh Woody from Toy Story wouldn't lay back down that's what the [ __ ] he look like I don't have to take that from Rick Ross's body double he does got a point you kind of look like you thought plenty of fish was a buffet y'all two look like y'all [ __ ] why y'all standing so close [ __ ] come on man I already made that joke about them y'all you two are [ __ ] for real that's why you made the joke motherucker everybody on this stage big baby y'all both look like y'all characters from Legend of Zelda [ __ ] shut the [ __ ] up wizard ears having ass [ __ ] I like that big baby he's like if you're standing near each other you are [ __ ] yeah that's solid logic the only two I said that about you Tree Huggers all right there can only be one only one can only be one all right y'all want to see my dog go to the next round Mr Ryan Make Some Noise y'all want to see Joshua Jordan go to the next round let's hear [Music] it what do you think about that we going to do that one more time all right now if you clap for two of these people I'm going to get on your ass that's why look I ain't trying to make you clap I'm just trying to see who clapping twice all right you clap twice I'm F to find you with the microphone all right we going to treat this [ __ ] like black church I'm G to come through the audience with the offering plate [ __ ] oh [ __ ] all right you want to see my dog Ryan to the next round go ahead and make some [Applause] [Music] noise okay okay okay if y'all want to see Josh go to the next round let's hear it I think that was Ryan I think that was Ryan Ryan going to the next round y to Make Some Noise all right [ __ ] this table made it hard as [ __ ] I'm on boy that's why it's it's a reason you don't fit at the table [ __ ] okay we looking for a crowd volatier man crowd vola anybody want volatier I think one person wants to get roasted you get a drink y goad and make who is it we got one we got one back there we got one for real let's go come on up here come on up here oh this is going to be a good one oh yeah we only got another hour come on my boy oh [ __ ] oh this is going to be fun this is going to be hilarious let's go man it's one of the best parts of the show my guy hello sir what's going oh [ __ ] what's up man how you feeling g go ahead go grab the seat right here grab your microphone we just going to ask you some question questions now we're just trying to get to know you we ain't going to say [ __ ] about you right now all right all the comments that made it to the next round you see pay attention get it good let us sink in where you from man Houston you from Houston what side of Houston Channel View okay all right that's channel view all right what do you do for work I'm a logistics coordinator yeah you the perfect person to get roasted you look like Kroger Brand CEO Green Oh this is not about me you look like Walmart brand post Malone you look like young Walter White you look like the guy who sell who I sell meth to like a fat ass skateboarder [ __ ] with your pawn shop outfit on [ __ ] calm the [ __ ] down don't none of this go together you got on a church shirt with Aida sweats and Jordans the [ __ ] is you got going on phony Malone looking ass [ __ ] these are Air Maxes boy your ass look like you just got got out of County [ __ ] what the [ __ ] this is not supposed to be roast we trying to figure out who you is I'm your friend [ __ ] this nasty ass mullet you got [ __ ] what the [ __ ] tried to be nice oh [ __ ] how old are you man and kids family 36 I have a daughter she's 10 okay okay okay you in a life or you paying child support I pay child support okay cool fist bump yeah I've never been late okay yeah me neither y'all tell turny Paxton that [ __ ] telling n get off my ass uh all right man it was good good getting to know you man we'll call you up in like 5 minutes all right all right okay don't don't sweat like me what's your name again Mike Mike y'all give it up for my dog Mike man give it up for Mike y'all y'all give Mike a [Applause] drink now get your ass over there Mike the [ __ ] he's still walking with his slow ass why what happened in County why nigg want to talk about me like that man no him okay all right man this is a part of the show we call a Hells spot man where we get a comic to come through and they do 10 minutes uh the [ __ ] didn't show up so it's going to be me all right give me 10 minutes I'll be right back oh [ __ ] y'all got to deal with me now okay all right man we G keep the show going I'm sweating in this [ __ ] like I'm going to hell uh y'all ready to keep the show roll and make some noise we going to bring up all the comics that made it to the next round Eric com they just made it to next round we got will Owens Tom Coy Ryan thurn Ricky Rivera we gonna bring up our crowd participate come on Mr Mike let's go all right now I don't want to know no this is too much oh my God this is this is unfair ain't none of that [ __ ] Mr Mike ain't got no microphone this time he can't defend himself okay all right at the end of this round y'all got to vote two people for the finals whatever finals you want to see you got to vote for the two funniest [ __ ] on the stage okay all right cool we gonna make this [ __ ] roast we going to start down at the end of Mr Ricky Rivera come back down and just go back and forth all right all right we going to roast in three two one you look like a sassy s Sasquatch you look like an allar at the game Duck Duck Dynasty you look like it's party in the back and then self party in the front you look like your microwave is [Applause] dirty you look like all your belts are elastic you look like when you see a used condom on the street you pick it up and put it in your pocket you look like you put the sweat in sweatpants you look like you were raised by two Lunch Ladies God damn you look like you're not allowed to enter school zones you look like you go to petmart to buy snacks you look like Adidas stands for all day I dream about sandwiches it's pretty good uh you look like you push pre-orders at GameStop you look like you turn your mattress into a hammock you look like you eat a whole rotis chicken at Walmart and lead a trash in a toothpaste aisle you look like your nickname should be big baby you look like you snore in 4k you look like you close kitchen drawers with your heavy hips you look like if you did jumping jacks right now a drumstick will fall out your pocket you look like you do memes for a profession all right you look like the pizza delivery guy texts you you up you look like you just woke up you look like you only bite your fingernails when there's dirt under them you look like there's a sign in every buffet that says do not serve and with your picture next to it all right I [ __ ] that up I apologize made it you look like you came with your own set of taste buds all right they don't no all going to be great uh you look like you brush your teeth with tobacco you look like you got the cleanest trailer in the trailer park you look like what people call you on the street is sloppy joe that's a fact you like for your birthday you blew out a pot pie back we're back we're back back we're back [ __ ] you look like you snack on Rhino pills you look like the janitor that smoke weed with the students you look like an extra on Trailer Park Boys you look like you stress test your shoes before you buy them oh uh you look like you can suffocate me by sitting on me you look like you go to the strip club to smell strippers feet you look like you have names and addresses for your farts you look like you walk in the carpool lane all right that's it all right y'all make some noise good sh give it up for all the comics you seen give it up for them all you can say say one say one say one say one will looks like the fresh pant of b a Texas my bet damn that was the one all right all right man you man go ahead go ahead exit stage left for so we can for y give it up for him y'all come on it's not easy not easy to come up here and do that that [ __ ] look like if post Malone was in Breaking Bag N he looks like post alone post baloney [ __ ] there can only be two can only be two this one for the finals y'all votes starting actually matter counts on the entertainment Factor y'all want to see my dog Tom Coy to the next round goe and make some [Music] noise that's pretty good that's pretty good all right if y'all want to see Ryan thorburn go to the next round Make Some Noise pretty tepid I feel okay y'all want to see my dog Mr will Owens to the finals Make some noise if y'all want to see Ricky Rivera in the final round Make Some [Applause] Noise all right y'all got the finals y'all want Mr Tom Coley versus will Owens for the finals Make some noise Make some noise hell yeah all right get the [ __ ] off the stage y'all done Beat It Prof appreciate y'all go ahead and write some jokes make sure y'all come back and be funny um oh [ __ ] so this is a part of the show we like we have sometimes sometimes we pick people in the crowd you know that want to do a grudge one time we had a husband and wife up here doing a grudge match that was hot I don't know if they still husband and wife after that [ __ ] uh but this week we got some friends that want to do it they want to roast each other just for the fun of it just for the [ __ ] of it to get it out they know a lot about each other one of them is my co-host he's so that's his silhouette on the [ __ ] picture that's my dog I want y'all to Make Some Noise man for my [ __ ] brother from another mother Mr will out loading and make some noise for Nick [Music] poo sorry good we yeah who want go first y want did a whole thing give it up for the gayest buddy cop Duo uh will looks like he eats from a trough will look like he ate Mrs dfire he looks like he was born in a Cracker Barrel he looked like he popped his pimple and Nick popped out I don't know Nick kind of looks like he could gnaw through a tire if given enough time sure if that was a a Italian Ninja Turtle with no shell [ __ ] okay this is not about us all right all right so we're going to let my dog Mr will go first all right we run a fantastic podcast together called silly hats and we hate each other so let's uh okay y got four minutes on the clock we going to roast in three two one you look like you have pajama Clan robes made out of flannel you look like Chef boy rd's nuts you look like the boss you have to beat in a video game about farming you look like Steve bimy got kicked by a horse you look like you think the movie Talladega kns was a documentary oh man you look like mcau culin grew up and watched be you look like you call avocados [Laughter] gay you look like your star sign is garlic knots you look like Bigfoot if he was spotted drinking tall boys on an ATV know what they say about big feet you look like BB Gun Kelly you look like the enforcer for a gang of school bus [Laughter] drivers you look like a confidential informant for an H away you look like you have strong opinions about John Deere tractors I do don't you call it a John queer you look like War Luigi if he took his hat off you look like a Chia Pet that hates Puerto Ricans so stupid you you look like you put the gay in fugazi you look like a rubber duck that hates Puerto [Laughter] Ricans you look like you swindled people in the 1800s like I was good at it too I have a tick turn to sell you ladies it's Lam you look like you chew tobacco in government buildings you look like vanilla ice latte you look like the ghost of Civil War Pass you look like you think uh CrossFit is what they did to Jesus that's why he was so [Laughter] ripped you look like you've gotten into a fight over the proper way to smoke a [Laughter] ham you look like you think hugging kids makes them gay you look like you scrubbed your Facebook after the January 6 [Laughter] Insurrection oh you look like that necklace is going to turn your neck green it might let's give it a couple weeks you look like you're made out of banana [Laughter] pudding you look like you know a guy he's [ __ ] it down yeah you look like you've taken a lot of showers in gas stations yeah yeah and loves has the best string cheese uh let's see you look like the diversity hire at a barber shop you look like Benjamin Franklin if he invented calling the police on black people you look like Tommy but not from power from white power uh you look like Bill do Tre from King of the Hill if he hadn't lost his [Laughter] [Music] hair ah that was dope as [ __ ] man y'all make some noise for these two making no Make some noise for him y'all oh [ __ ] man we don't give a [ __ ] who won but just for [ __ ] to who y'all think won make know who y'all think won just blur it out big guy big guy guy Lumberjack won Lumberjack there we go that's [ __ ] up they picked the preacher from Waco to win youth pastor at a Cowboy Church oh [ __ ] thank you thank you cinnamon bun be look like Kane and Undertaker long lost brother [ __ ] shut big ass table out Mick Foley looking [Laughter] ass I got the clove head ass oh [ __ ] man y'all good y'all good y'all ready appreciate y'all man for coming out that was funny [ __ ] man come on give it up for Nick and well I catch will next month on the you look like oh [ __ ] that was funny I just want to remind y'all real quick I bought one of the best parts of the [ __ ] show JZ these little pieces of paper on your table fill them out fill these [ __ ] out out you get to roast the comics too right and you get to keep it Anonymous now this is going to be on Tik Tok YouTube all that [ __ ] G so this whole section about them reading your joke off this piece of paper is going to be everywhere all right so make it good okay so in the meantime while we let Crossing out his name over here after you said that who name he's making it anonymous suspicious at that table with black women you look like you sell circus tents for a living dude it look like you sell mustaches for a living [ __ ] that's my job bro he all his [ __ ] grown in the lab oh [ __ ] so for this next little spot man why we let our Champions still write about each other cuz they just they didn't know who they was going to be going against so some of them need to WR some need little more time we got one more hell spot in the city G this is one of my [ __ ] man this one of the hardest [ __ ] out the city in the city everywhere all right all right he funny as [ __ ] go ahead start clapping come on y start clapping show some energy from my dog Mr shabash Play Time hey y'all been cool on shabaz man thank y'all I get over my do B play time give it up for me y'all can't through this B that's that's for y'all table we got that same accent for y'all [ __ ] uhuh y'all where y'all from uh pachal Luda Louisiana where y'all from pachia Tula that's where y'all from P y'all a't from he's from the gay part he's said not me Baton Rouge damn better not call Baton Rouge Louisiana and this [ __ ] you going to start a riot [ __ ] that's like calling Guatemala Honduras for Hispanic people you know what I'm saying yeah we no we don't [ __ ] with that side no y [ __ ] [ __ ] me up D [ __ ] me up and said that Mexico ain't nothing but Guatemalan people and then Honduras ain't nothing like everybody just moved up a little bit like that's what the Mexicans are in America and everybody that it ain't true I'm sorry I'm going shut the [ __ ] up y'all ready for the finals y'all ready for this [ __ ] y'all pick this [ __ ] this going to be a whole one man they been coming hard all night pause oh man y'all go to show some energy y'all go to start clapping y'all make some noise Mr will [Applause] always the DJ got four jobs tonight I'm sorry and start clapping for Tom [Applause] Coley y'all remember the bully video game it's on the cover of that [ __ ] oh man okay okay okay we G to let Mr will go first want y'all come up for photo opics for cuz we yeah we got to make sure it's clean all right okay we going to let will go first all right we going to roast in three two one you look like every time you come you [Laughter] go oh wow ah yeah that's correct um you look like you bank at T-Mobile you look like you still pull up to your local high school football games to talk to the cheerleaders speaking of cheerleaders um you look like one of the cheerleaders from The Longest Yard oh [Music] thank you you said that was a compliment that's wild dude you look like if you had a Pokemon you'd try to finger [Applause] it uh speaking of pets you look like dogs don't trust you so they walk backwards so all right you look like you'd be upset if your sister brought me over for Thanksgiving [ __ ] Sarah and the and the rest of the family um uh you look like if Britney grinder got a buzz cut in Russia so Che on that you you look like you got a Manifesto written under your bed you look like the fresh prince of Bonet I like that you look like when you get mad you go why I order you look like you got your favorite brand of ankle monitor you look like a waiter at owitz that was too far you look like you sell mixtapes at your job at AutoZone under the name push a tires that was clever that was [Applause] clever you look like your PlayStation controller is sticky and the TV remote uh uh you look like for 10 cents a day I can feed your tribe the whole tribe who all of them you look like Chris Griffin from Family Guy if he graduated high school you look like you saved up all year for bottle service I never do B you look like if the Michelin Man [ __ ] a LaVine and had a baby you like you wash your face with bong water how was the voice crack um um you look like the villain who stole Woody and Buzz Lightyear in Toy Story 2 that's actually very accurate that was a good one thank you um you look like a freshly turned zombie okay that's dope all right you look like you smell all the dildos when you walk into a Spencer got to see if they were used um not buying no used you look like a basketball coach at the YMCA all right you look like when your mom tells you no you put a hole in the wall yeah that's it there we go make noise Make some noise for the championship Ram give it up for them both y'all was it everything you dreamed of they had to come with these jokes on the spot man they just wrote this [ __ ] in the last minute Make some noise for these two dogs this [ __ ] is not easy on give it up for him y'all it's not [ __ ] easy yeah give it up for the teddy bear from the cover of College Dropout that [ __ ] look like loto if he was white [ __ ] looks like he got married and divorced tonight look like the producer and the Animals from mircat Manor hey it doesn't look like big babies Drive buys come with Burgers and Fries big big baby you look 100% strangle proof [ __ ] will you look like will ask if he can borrow your charger Smith all right all right fine fine that's not a smart crap [ __ ] Tom look like he preach on the side of the street that speaker you're going to hell if you don't get all right we going to keep this [ __ ] rolling that could only be one there only be one man somebody got to take home the belt this week well this month we do this once a month all right y'all want to see my dog Mr will ens make it to well take on the Belt Make Some [Music] Noise if y'all think it was Tom K Coley let's hear it we crying us another champ y'all go to me no for time go [Applause] [Music] [Applause] anything you want to say Mr Tom thanks for having me I mean that's what he says after comes you got to go back to work at the Cheesecake Factory [ __ ] got close out thank you Mr Uncle Tom all right go ahead thank you sir thank you for winning the championship go ahead man we'll see you next month he got to come back next month and defend his title okay all right so uh we got to speed it up because uh they let a black man do it and the show is running late um oh we got more R all right all right so we GNA bring up every comic that's still here that was on the show come on up here we G to pass this out while we up here come back up they wrote some mean [ __ ] Tom I already got one for you right here this pretty bad damn they say big baby you look like you wearing Jordan and one and a halfes let me see they said that's where we going tonight okay they said the white host you look like a nervous cigarette that's pretty good that's pretty good nervous cigarettes are the best kind gra big baby you got that well y'all on my ass tonight huh okay [ __ ] [ __ ] say I look like Bob Marley they know one onone I'm smashing [ __ ] in this ho so they got to do it like this I got you right heree Mike was the dude that we brought up what does that one say all right this some [ __ ] I said we not g to do with your uh second grade handwriting ass [ __ ] big baby green you tat [ __ ] this [ __ ] wrote a elf backwards [ __ ] if you don't sit your a lited ass who wrote this [ __ ] all right they said hey pedo stash you look like aids would have kicked your ass in the 80s bro I'm getting ruin I'm beating that [ __ ] right now though to Mike who is not on stage anymore the guy we brought up they said you look like a knockoff white Mexican OT pretty that's pretty rough this [ __ ] say big baby you play linebacker for the Cheesecake [Music] Factory oh you do look like you know that full menu front to back that's his Playbook oh [ __ ] [ __ ] Playbook that's funny as [ __ ] boy m BC the BC stands for Ben creepy you do look like the worst skater on a skateboard game you look like you couldn't afford to play it that's how I know you're the worst one [ __ ] [ __ ] my mama was rich [ __ ] this one for this for Barry the [ __ ] that left look like a naked teddy bear uh it's say you look like Adam Sandler's left testicle more like Lance Armstrong that's [ __ ] up who else got some Tom y got yeah uh yeah I got a lot so strap in uh hey Tom you look like the third affle brother they wouldn't let on Goodwill Hunting that's cool uh hey Tom uh you look like offbrand Tony Stark Tommy starch that's clever uh Tom you look like you have to stay 100 ft away from a Chuck-E-Cheese uh that's that's sad uh hey Tom you look like my college professor that ask you to go to his office for extra credit okay like ack well this is fun uh all right hey Tom you look like a villain in a musical that's actually pretty [ __ ] hilarious uh hey Tom you look like the general manager of Cheddars hey Tom you look like a Mormon Elder who skipped out on his mission on day one hey Tom you look like you play Dungeons and Dragons hey Tom you look like you're the reason they have to put wash your hand signs in every bathroom okay all right I guess all right uh that one hurts uh hey Tom you look like Bill NY the rapy guy all right well I was feeling good tonight uh my boy put a tie on say I'm going to kill these [ __ ] tonight boy mine say big baby look like a gummy bear that fell on the [Laughter] floor big baby it look like a big ass brussel sprout a Brussels sprout is a vegetable FYI that's somebody white okay big baby look like e4's big ass cousin e400 E40 bigger than me [ __ ] uh that's that's debatable uh it's say homemade sweater I think they talking about you my boy [Music] um it say you look like Todd chrisly complic yeah he wrote it he wrote it yeah he wrote that [ __ ] it got an anonymous and smiley face on it he wrote that [ __ ] Pedro's cousin wrote that [ __ ] Okay vote for the wall vote for the wall um big baby you look like you sponsored by KFC it's Popeyes [ __ ] uh big baby you look like you sweat hella hard when you eat okay that what this one say big baby you built like you got a mini fridge in your trunk I shut the [ __ ] up anybody else got something who else got some I got um hey will you look like the fresh prince of government assistance all right um hey will you look like you can hula hoop with your neck real good do no I don't yes you do [ __ ] the [ __ ] I don't head ass and I got hey will you still throw High School parties I got something for Barry he's gone he had to go back to prison or something you look like you fight teenage girls over them skinny jeans and you look like Bert after Ernie shaved his head he do look like Bert from Sesame Street got okay bear is gay no oh bird is gay oh I get it I'm sorry oh [ __ ] there a lot of gay people in here tonight no problem [ __ ] [ __ ] with y'all I [ __ ] with y'all oh [ __ ] was y'all had fun tonight thank you thank you if you had fun tonight Make some noise for us D give it up for all the comics you've seen tonight come on y'all yes sir appreciate that come on this [ __ ] ain't easy y'all do us a a little favor man check them uh QR codes on your table to one on the Screen Man leave us a nice yel review if you had fun tell everybody about the time you had if you didn't have fun just shut the [ __ ] up uh yeah we don't care just don't come back like at least be a real [ __ ] and don't come back all right um with that being said man this [ __ ] gonna be kicking off uh next month uh we got January 10th it'll be Houston versus Lafayette Houston versus Lafayette the month after that we got Houston versus Memphis then we got Houston versus Austin we are past the curfew man we appreciate y'all coming out y'all be easy this has been you look like up for yourselves y'all thank you very much you have a great night [Music] he

Channel: Houston's #1 Comedy Club! The Riot Comdy Club

Views: 7,501

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Id: Dw3mxHwXgSI

Length: 69min 4sec (4144 seconds)

Published: Thu Dec 21 2023