First Roast Battle at Zanies Chicago | Full Show

you guys ready to start the goddamn roast  battles yeah here's how it works they come   up here seven jokes each Tit for Tat then that  panel decides who wins the battles last reminder   the energy you give to this battle that's how  we're going to [ __ ] determine who wins so   you're going to give all your energy right  I know it's Monday but you got it right hell   yeah two of the regulars they do the show  all the time give it up for the very funny   Adam cazo and Harry brightner [Applause]  [Music] all right have you guys decided   who is going first yeah I'll go first quazo  is going first it's going to be seven jokes   each everybody roast on three one two three  Ro Harry looks like he was bullied in Driving School uh there are two types of comedians  on stage right now and Adam is type two yeah I don't have to worry about being  type one uh Harry if I ate you I would lose [Applause] weight uh Adam's a huge  nerd uh but he's shaped like a giant jawbreaker you'll never get  to my Center it would take forever well with your teeth yeah uh Harry and  I are both Jewish uh but my family came from   like Russia and Poland Harry's family  came from a Virginia Slims [Applause] Factory uh Adam loves graphic t-shirts as  you can see he's always wearing a graphic   t-shirt he loves them he loves them so  much won't take them off at the pool party I came with it I'm believeing with it Harry uh is bisexual he actually had to   come out of the closet because he was  running out of space for all the cat skeletons it's a bisexual versus bypass surgery Adam quazo answers the question what  if Seinfeld Kramer and George castanza all   morphed into one person and then that person  was eaten by [Applause] Newman gold Harry gold uh y'all remember that submarine  that imported like a month or so ago so   they told us that they were looking for  the wreckage of the Titanic that's not   true I actually found the mission logs  they were looking for Harry's sunken eyes Adam could you try like  just speaking a little louder   I don't think they can hear you at the Zanies in Nashville trying to get booked there uh  Adam was actually in a uh Sexual Health   theater troop in college that's true it's  a real thing he did and he learned a lot   about sexual health he learned a lot  about performing to this day he has to   do a little song and dance just to  put on a condom to [ __ ] his body pillow we all have our Traditions Harry asked  originally asked his girlfriend out while   getting a DUI because the only thing women find  impressive about him is just how from Florida he is that woman is in this Comedy Club  right now that's and she had to drive   you here [Applause] I I guys I I did  something a little embarrassing before   I I left the house to get to this roast  battle I I forgot to put a belt on I   was so embarrassed my pants were falling off  thankfully uh Adam had a wrist watch I could borrow he is that skinny look at that  [ __ ] joke Cuts both ways last joke   uh I mentioned Harry's so I'm fully J  ethnically Harry is only half Jewish uh   his dad is a Jewish man from the Bronx  and his mom is a giant Bird from Sesame Street is Sesame Street not in the Bronx some  all right uh Adam Adam this is sad but Adam's   mom actually died when he was 17 it's very sad he  uh he did give uh the eulogy I wish she could have   seen you give the eulogy because then she could  have told you to stop talking with your mouthful and they don't understand how Shiva works is  the problem is see that's how we ended give   it up for these two animals everybody great job  guys very funny I want to get thoughts from the   panel over here Kevin Kellum has started off  oh my God how about that give it up for them   guys wasn't that something Jesus Christ honestly  honestly Adam if if you were in World War II you   could not in an attic they would hear you along  the the also the roof would not support you at   the same time I loved it this was so tight how  did you guys feel did you like Adam did you like Adam in the back did you like Harry you  everybody did you like Harry did you like   Harry I'm going with Adam I'm going  with Adam I like Adam going okay Adam   gets a vot give it up for him yeah Kevin  you stole all the give it up for hims on   that one all right Matthew Mitchell your  thoughts this is tough man Adams has been   doing comedy forever he started off as a  cartoon strip in 1930s Germany but it's uh this actually looks like a concentration camp  before and after now they really looking at it   uh The Sisterhood of the Traveling stripe pajamas  wow in spite of that I think I'm going to go with   Harry to split the difference on the votes it was  a Oh [ __ ] Harry gets a vote God that was such a   great battle Payton I didn't have time to think  of a joke for Adam uh being fat but um no it's   good give it up for Harry and um give it up for  Ann all be frank hot dogs how about that is that   is that funny was that good no nobody liked it  um but yeah no I thought this was really great   Adam I thought you had some good jokes I thought  your comebacks uh were better um but good but   I'm going to give my vote to Harry over there  okay two for Harry One For Adam Tori K County   uh you guys both definitely brought it uh very  well-written jokes I feel like Harry you really   had the heat the entire time Adam you did have  the sun andiz joke which was excellent kind of   a cut below the belt which is crazy cuz I don't  know if you remember what those look like um you   really had the talkbacks but I do got to give  it to Harry okay Harry wins the battle give it   up for Harry good job yes before we go though I  do want final Thoughts From The Amazing Mo good it don't matter now you said a [ __ ] one didn't now they need the black vote ain't  that about a [ __ ] from the plantation to   the [ __ ] concentration camps now y'all want  my vote I really was SP I push it aside uh you   came out the gate swinging that first joke  hit the last joke was [ __ ] I was going to   pick Adam I'm be real with you but my vote of  course in [ __ ] fashion don't count never mind give it up to these two animals man great job  guys get the [ __ ] out of here what a great   way to start it off that was great man you guys  really like making fun of fat people man like you   like you really enjoy that you don't like being  cold out for it but you really like it when it   happened all right man I want to give it I want  to you want to keep this going you guys ready for   another battle feeling good I want to start this  next one off with the chant that we do okay battle   battle everybody B battle battle battle everybody  get up for two regulars Aaron Klein and AJ [Applause] light all right guys  who's going first H eron's going   first okay Aaron's going first seven  jokes each roast on three one two three AJ lost $100,000 to crypto crypto is  the name of the prostitute outside Rainforest Cafe hey can I borrow $100,000 is how to please  give a big round of applause for my roommate and   one of my best friends Aaron Klein please give  it up for him really quick I I love him to death   despite that joke uh Aaron uh Aaron's actually  such like a responsible young man he actually   Cooks all of his own food uh which is just what  he calls it when he goes down on his Fleshlight so I'm thinking of crypto the entire time uh AJ looks like he calls them white claws okay make sure that translated they  do taste better I don't know um Aaron is uh   Aaron's known on stage for his dry delivery uh  which is also how he's known for entering other [Applause] men let's go stay out of my room  I told you it's off Li it's it's a sanctuary   uh AJ used to be a personal trainer he would  mostly tell women they should work on smiling more okay do God's gu Aaron's call me  creepy man Aaron it's so nice living   with Aaron because uh you know never no  one's ever going to break in and murder   us because they assume he's already doing  that uh Aaron Aaron's so creepy he cosplays   as Silence of the Lambs because it's  the only time he gets to murder like Hannibal that all right all right good good uh AJ   is from Chicago but his girlfriend  tells me he still can't find the bean that translate okay I was going sure I  can't take that from a guy who took poppers   before getting a nose piercing I can't  stop the one thing I said you couldn't   tell Aaron uh Aaron does claim to be a  a straight man with a nose piercing uh   which is uh uh kind of like claiming to  be a lesbian with a dick in your mouth I mean lucky girl all AJ looks like he's on a poster  above Mitch McConnell's bed every   night he's like I thank God my family  and [Music] AJ Aon you look like the   only guy in the motorcycle  gang that prefers the sidec [Applause] [Music] car was that  yours or was that oh that was it yeah uh AJ was explaining nfts to me but then I found out he  just thinks that's a slur for Filipinos this dude eats [ __ ] fully clothed okay Aon you look like you look  like a lesbian in the Marines I don't last joke last joke last joke good if you saw what he looked like  you'd be like yeah yeah yeah uh AJ   looks like Peter Parker if he only saved Asian women these are strong that's so specific uh  Aaron actually took on a new entrepreneurial   project he actually uh he just founded the  first whites only Pride Parade so you look   like the only lesbian that paints both  your face and Nails black so all right   swing to miss give appreciate it buddy  get over there everybody holy [ __ ]   oh my God that was my favorite type of roast  battle cuz it really devolved into no you're gay what more time for these two animals that  was very funny that was great that was a great   battle good job I want first thought from  Matthew Mitchell that was great that was   funny as [ __ ] you got one of the guys  in the front laughing like SpongeBob that   was awesome dude you look like the kind of  guys that I consistently tell to not [ __ ]   my sister but do it anyway so true uh it was a  really close battle uh I think that AJ had the   highest Highs but he also had the lowest lows  I'm going to give it to Aaron for consistency   okay Aaron gets a vote pton Ry you guys both  did great um Aaron great jokes AJ good jokes   my only question is if you guys are here who's out  there defending Imagine Dragons music that's what I where are you guys are the last two people at  their concerts but uh yeah you guys were great   um Aon you were good but you yeah your thinness  offends me so I'm going to go with uh no no you   guys both had great jokes but uh I think uh AJ  had the the like Matthew said the highest of the   highs so I'm gonna give it to AJ on this one okay  AJ's ABS get a vote what One Tori uh give it up   for these two let them hear it again amazing no  no no I I want I want you guys to feel the love   now because God knows if we see any of you in  the parking lot we're going to be like no no no   I don't want to subscribe to your podcast please  leave me alone [ __ ] off you guys you you really   killed it but you know what I am also going to go  with to with Aaron for consistency okay two for   Aaron the claps are getting harder to find with  each vote well good I got my white boys [ __ ]   up which one of y'all was AJ that's AJ that's AJ  it's hard it's it's difficult to Fair I'm sober   to be fair um AJ Aaron AJ you were very funny you  had some very funny [ __ ] didn't understand the   nft you said that right yeah yeah like both of  y'all like I feel like now that I know that y'all   gay couple like I don't we're just roommates y'all  [ __ ] that's none of my business but y'all given   that y'all are our real friend y'all real best  friends for real yeah yeah we live together gay   okay Co now I [ __ ] with that that no now that  I know y'all friends for real like y'all really   had a really good battle and it wasn't like too  too personal and too stupid but I'm going have   to go with ginger what's your name I'm sorry I'm  go with ginger folks yeah yeah redhead white guy   wins it give it up for Redhead white guy white  guy number one gets the V oh I do want to hear   from Kevin Kellum though it's not fair if most if  Mo calls them gay it's hilarious if I do it call   the [ __ ] cops you know what I mean I've had  to do it on many occasions I know I know uh I   like that Lake Geneva even though you say you live  with him I'm like no you're from Lake Geneva you   just have this sweer I'm going with Aaron I'm  going with Aaron I like Aon okay Aaron wins to   give it up for these two what a great battle  oh man God man well you're right that was so   gay man that was really that was cool all right  this next one this what came up up last minute   these guys came through last minute cuz we had  a Dropout so I want you to give everything right   now to these two both regulars on the show One  a producer the very funny Gabriel Aliso and Matt [Music] bandor oh [ __ ] dude this looks  like kosha in 2020 all up here um think   all right who's going first me okay  Matt's going first there going to be   five jokes each everybody 1 2 3 hell yeah  he has no uh Mass wrestlers I think Gabe   should be a mass comedian not because  he's Mexican but because he's [ __ ] ugly yeah Matt's trying to mask the fact  that he's gay so whatever dude doesn't   Matt look like the first AI generated  like date rapist you [Music] know at   least I get him on a date oh like that was  so like he has such a creepy Vibe even his   mom puts a napkin over her glass when  she leaves the dinner table [Applause] that's [ __ ] up that's [ __ ]  up coming from a guy who looks   like the [ __ ] Poodle from lady in the [ __ ] yeah you look like you kiss dogs on  the mouth so yeah instead of a pasta was just   a [ __ ] [ __ ] Matt looks like he only eats  [ __ ] to prove his dad [Applause] wrong and   I [ __ ] do it every time he is so [ __ ] wrong  sorry if I [ __ ] win that's so [ __ ] weird dude   you eat [ __ ] it is weird I agree I agree it is  weird that you eat [ __ ] [ __ ] your hair looks   like a [ __ ] [ __ ] an unshaven [ __ ]  lesbian [ __ ] [ __ ] it makes no [ __ ]   sense Gabe looks like the [ __ ] scarecrow  [ __ ] the Cowardly Lion we should build a   yellow brick wall all right and and make the  munchkins pay for it damn it dude I hate your Vibe dude Matt Matt Matt has the vibe of the  Matt has the vibe of the dude that you do coke   with and just hope that his line has fanol  in [Applause] it Gabe you're my coke dealer   and I'm putting fentanyl in it also see  me after the show got a [ __ ] deal dude   I hate your [ __ ] glasses you got [ __ ]  Steven Urkel glasses you look like a [ __ ]   Hispanic Steven Urkel you just walking  on a single mother you're like did I do that Matt uh you know actually before we did  this battle Matt asked me not to uh bring up   his girlfriend or mention or his ex-girlfriend or  mention her name and uh I would never do that to Stephanie you know uh one one time Matt told us  that uh his ex-girlfriend said to him that she   was going to [ __ ] all of his friends but a lot  of us know Stephanie and we would never believe   that Matt has friends that is true that is true uh  joke nice Okay I uh Hey read one of mine it might work The Confidence from this overgrown  shrunken head holy Gabriel got his name   from the angel Gabriel uh they're  both famous for scaring virgins in   the middle of the night Matt got his name  because everyone walks all over him so [ __ ] yo uh Matt's mom was actually  going to get an abortion but she   couldn't afford the procedure CU  they didn't take Cracker Barrel coupons all right that's it give it up for them  everybody holy [Applause] [ __ ] all right this   is uh I got a ride home with Matt so this is going  to be a long one for me um no I'll give it up one   more time for these guys they came up last minute  to do this really throw hay makers lot of balls   that was awesome thank you for doing it I do want  first thoughts from pton rdy though Matt Gabe good   job give it up for them guys it's pretty good  yeah uh Abe I thought you had better jokes and   Matt you look like you say fun fact before you  tell girls about the her before you tell girls   about the herpes you have but um it's a very fun  fact um fun fact these spots at least came from   sex uh it's in 30% of Americans actually it's  very common uh fun fact hey before I go down on   you fun fact did you know Hitler painted um anyway  here's the alphabet also it looks like you're were   preparing for a bombb but but judging by your  jeans it looks like a flood too I imagine I guess but uh no I'm going to I'm going  to go with Gabe on this one both good   job though you guys I'm gonna go with  Gabe Gabe somehow squeaked out of vot   I do want I do want Tori your thoughts I  don't I don't want to say too much cuz I   I don't want to be named in the suicide note  y'all this was this is brutal I got to give   it to Gabe he's a [ __ ] killer give it up  gab okay give it up for Gabe that was great mo boy Gabe to your ass up damn you was shaking and [ __ ] that's  crazy no that's not how the [ __ ] you let   AJ fell off AJ from the back street boys  beat your ass like that I [ __ ] with that   a Gabe I'mma give this one to you man nice  all right Gabe gets three votes he somehow   with won that one Kevin Kell I love this  battle between Humble Park and Lake View currently [ __ ] you up [ __ ] [ __ ] uh no  I really enjoy it but Gabe had those really   great comebacks those was were really fun okay  great and then Matthew Mitchell final thoughts   I can't decide man you know it's just it's rough  it's a tough one it's a tough one take your time   because Gabe is one of the best Roasters in  the city he's a good friend of mine he's so   creative he's off the cuff he goes so fast  but on the other hand Matt decides who the   panelists are so I'm going to give it to  Matt just so it kind of rounds out there   mats well hold up before they leave one more  time for Matt for coming up here last minute   doing this those are [ __ ] great jokes he lost  this one and gave great job man holy [ __ ] oh   man dude that was that was really if it went the  other way we would have been in real trouble you   know what I mean the Mexican understands now can  you Chris can you explain for the white for the   white guy for the for the white I can explain  with Whispers In The Back Alley so all right I   survived the rest of the night are you ready  for the next [Applause] battle next battle's   great one guy a veteran of the show uh been  doing comedy too long uh the other guy newer to   Comedy new to Comedy new to show also hilarious  give it up for the very funny Rory rush and Bob [Music] [Applause] [Music] keing okay that was a quick cut off  of the music that didn't fit the two people   on stage now have you decided who's going first  Rory's going first it's going to be seven JS   everybody one two three Rose right uh Bob looks  like a Transformer that a hot dog stand turns into Rory are you an old baby or a young Grandpa Rory's mom gave him Marboro pacifiers I was watching Bob's earlier  roast and uh everyone either calls him   a racist a pedophile or a rapist  which is unfair uh because he's   only two of those things and  it and it's racist [Laughter] twice Rory looks like a thumb that sucks its thumb but Rory I'm glad you got the night off  uh making cookies with the other kebler else that's Bob looks like a  bathroom attendant at a rest stop but he's not yeah he just lives there not bad pig Penn's abusive father uh guys uh   Rory is so broke he joined  a cult just for the free haircut okay there's like there's subtle  racism you know like where you look both   ways and some says something Bob's not like  that at all um he's only racist when he sees a minority swinging a Miss don't worry he's  sticking around later to paint the place uh obviously as you guys could  tell Rory doesn't do very well   with women uh yeah he'd go  gay but he can't afford the clothes um Bob looks like he has crumbs in his pubes that's the whole joke Rory I don't really  know how else to say this uh you look like you   steal dirt you know like dirty socks smell  like you I got plenty of dirt to I don't need   to steal that uh Bob's a bartender uh but his  dream job is a lifeguard at the school's local showers I'll get you a free one um he's gross you  see uh God look at this trimmed Hobbit um you know   I'm glad to see you're okay we were all worried  when we saw you get poisoned in The Princess Bride last joke I've ever seen that movie is it  you just don't remember so ma bob has been   punched in the face by multiple comics in  the scene here uh which is crazy to me like   do you think it's CU he's like a really cool  and fun guy that Everyone likes to hang out [Laughter] with Rory by the way is from Wisconsin uh this is   probably why he looks like  a cheese curd that hates immigrants to be fair he's just mad that  a Mexican stole his job at Willy Wonka's factory all right give it up for these two thumbs everyone oh man that was great you know what's  funny about that the vibe in the room is just   so funny right now because those are those are  some great jokes but you guys are like Mad that   like one of them isn't quitting comedy like the  last one after that you know what I mean last I   want to give it up one more time for these  two for writing those [ __ ] jokes that was great I do want first thoughts of this for the  amazing Tory K Kenny okay uh I I was distracted   from most of the show cuz I was like Roy you got  so much pant just scrunch on your ankle I'm trying   to understand what's going on a lot of fabric  that's a lot of lot of seem like a guy who gets   his pants hemmed Bob Rory you had some great jokes  but brought you brought it pretty consistently I   got to say so I'm going to give it to Bob okay  Bob gets a vote very nice the sometime the only   time anyone's everever done this for Bob Keane  um I do want uh Mo good what do you think y'all   outfits ain't [ __ ] collectively a I'm wearing  the exact same thing I wore yesterday and the day   before it look like all week I [ __ ] with you  hey y'all got some funny ass jokes though they   didn't like none of them but y'all got some funny  ass jokes um I think Bobs um were hitting harder   your comebacks your comebacks were a little  better but I'm going have to I'm going have   to go with the best outfit up there I'm going to  go with Bob [ __ ] it Bob keen's fashion sense   gets another vote that's two for Bob Kevin oh  I'm sorry I'm just getting a wonderful drink uh   from our wonderful server Brit here give it up  for Brit as well W get her it for Lexi you now   know their names and if you don't tip them  you know the name of the person you didn't   give money to all right there we go uh here we  go we'll go back stop trying to get laid from   people 20 years younger we know that that's not  going to happen I'm I I am also going to get a   thumbs up to Bob I'm going to give consent to Bob  something Bob has never gotten before uh there we   go I'm gonna give one more for B Kevin doesn't  give enthusiastic anything though okay a younger   Kevin Kellum gets the third vote and wins it I  do want that's what happens to my hair it's a   it is a Greek tragedy jeez this batt kind of  had the vibe of like two guys fighting over   the last chick at the 400 a.m. bar I don't  know if you guys got that at all either way   I like both you guys it was a good battle and I  wish it would have done better but what can you do oh do I have to pick somebody I oh  gosh I'm gonna go with Bob I think okay   is that okay I think Bob gets a fourth  vote and the final vote for pton I one   final thoughts for me I was sleeping  but I'm awake now um no it's nice to   see uh [ __ ] Goodwill and Salvation  Army go head-to-head in a in a battle this is good I'm I'm happy that you guys get  Outdoors time and stuff um Rory you look like   Bob if you if he was put in a hydraulic press  like one of those things I thought both of you   guys were great uh or about as good as your credit  scores but I'm going to give it to uh Bob here I   think Bob had about the jokes clean sweet for  Bob King great job good job guys one more time   for these two oh my goodness holy [ __ ] get  the [ __ ] out of here you smell so bad they   smell as good as they look so unbearable is the  answer all right guys this is the time of the   show where I got to we got to talk about weird  things number one this show is sponsored by a   few things please give it up for zies for having  us their first time here thank you zies they've   been amazing it's an honor to do it here and  we're having a great time too we're sponsored   by uh eostar water and by sponsored by I mean  they gave us a few bottles of it inward inward   thank you thank you in return they asked us  to say the name of the brand which it is very   good and it's glass so I'm going to try not to  drop it and shatter in your eyes what's the pH   of the water this is the nerd dude I've never  seen a guy that's missing a front to as the   pH of a water he knows SpongeBob is asking me  questions about the water content the pH is a   natural 8.0 pH alkaline e star water we want to  stop killing dolphins or whatever and then uh   we we're going to be selling shot glasses and  and Koozies cuz we're all alcoholics that run   the show and uh we're going to sell on that if  you want to support the comics tonight and we   got a patreon all right that's it thank you are  you guys ready for your headlining Battle of the   evening yes yeah W these two are legitimately two  of the greatest comics in the city one just got   done doing the Chicago Theater two nights ago the  other has done some of the best roasts we've ever   had on the show so give it up right now battle  battle battle battle Eric Emerson and Brandon kefa [ __ ] yeah guys who's going first uh I can  he and Eric's Wiggly going first everybody roast   on three 1 2 3 roast all right Brandon how  are you you look like you're doing poorly and   we're worried about you we worried you're drinking  because your head looks like it's being preserved   in a jar by a mad scientist if you guys couldn't  tell Brandon is going through a kind of a messy   divorce uh I guess marriage isn't so easy a  caveman can do it look you look like Eric's   Eric's transitioning right now but I can't tell  which way he's a mama's boy but a daddy's girl   I'm transitioning to or from your outfit right now  what are you talking about Jesus Christ you need   to be a stay-at-home comedian I'll say this he's  from you're also Southern but you look like you   do HR for the clan you know how hard it is doing  HR work for you guys it's a nightmare especially   when you keep painting flowers on your robes it's  a just we don't have the budget uh Brandon is all   right Rick morenus all right American history  XL Jesus Christ he looks like he' uh he looks   like he's about to make a documentary about uh  what it's like to be a black person in America   but then uh dumped it cuz he found out he had to  talk to black people you look like you're about   to drop your beer shaky hands you okay I know  I know it's his first one of the night don't   worry he evens out I went from the Chicago Theater  whatever the [ __ ] this is he actually was at the   Chicago Theater his first time under bright light  since cops asked how much of you had to drink tonight one time in band  camp Eric stuck a flute his [ __ ] [Applause] B I bet you lo I bet you  lost your virginity accidentally that's what   I call it when you rape me so yes Lee someone  will [ __ ] you Eric's girlfriend uh Eric Eric   gives his girlfriend rides to her boyfriend's  house and then he makes her a nice meal from   his cookbook I'd rather be the guy driving  than the guy filming you [ __ ] weirdo your   favorite sexual position is holding your  girlfriend's purse while she blows a man my   favorite sexual position is holding your hair from  [Applause] behind those jeans didn't come like that I made them I made them God  damn it I'll go ahead I'll say   this uh I think uh I think Brandon  is what gardeners would look like   if Hitler won you wouldn't be up  here if Hitler won all right I'll say uh Actually I don't even know what the  [ __ ] that meant all right can we edit that   one out please Eric and his girlfriend actually  broke up cuz uh he works nights and she's in high school hey guys be gentle divorce is very tough  and Brandon's really taking it on what I think was   once a chin uh look I might be getting divorced  but your girlfriend can't even legally get married   yet it's saving me a lot of money his ex-wife  is German and the divorce is holoc costing him everything wow right now he's got an open  micer trying to divide up 220 bucks in a   pack of [Laughter] Millers wow that one hurts  he's actually bisexual I assume um he said he   don't care if it's a girl a guy long as they're  white I uh I I like a lot of you guys I used to   think that the big ugly gap in Brandon's front  teeth was because his white trash family couldn't   afford Dental uh it's actually Court mandated  because the lisp stops him from hitting a hard [Music] R my teeth touch more than you  and your girlfriend do right where are   we I don't know this I think we  do like 30 jokes was I supposed   to be counting that I don't know oh  here we go I got a good one one uh so yeah so battle all right there we  go uh like I said Brandon's ex-wife is   German and when they split he actually had  to leave the uh place that they lived in   and moved into a shitty flop house with  a bunch of failed comedians uh yeah who   can imagine a German forcing a man from  his home to Bunk with Jews Communists and retards Eric's got the kind of white  privilege that black people don't get   angry at [Laughter] what does that mean I don't know I thought I had Co earlier I don't all  right I'm doing all right hey shortly after   Brandon moved into a shitty new place a big chunk  of it caught on fire and burned down don't worry   I heard after neanderthals Master fire you get  Agriculture and then it's on to sex with human   women so that's going to be good oh man at least  my human women are 18 all right you literally were   dating a 22-year-old girl the craziest part about  it is that it was a girl I uh I I will say the   saddest thing I think the greatest tragedy of  Brandon's divorce is that now he'll never know   what it feels like to be a father for two years  than die of liver failure well at least he ended   on a strong one all [Applause] right last one  you got one we got one more yeah do you do you   have any more I remember that time he called the  police on a rap song we made a deal that if one of   us bombed at the end the other would bomb too so  it would be fair give it up for them everybody oh   my god wow that was no seriously keep it going  for that what a [ __ ] awesome battle God damn   man the last three jokes don't count Mo good  I want I want your thoughts for for what the   [ __ ] just happened over here this was a good  ass battle right here this what the headline   matter y'all funny as [ __ ] um I think Eric had  the better jokes overall I think you had the best   best comebacks and [ __ ] no this tough no for  real me two seconds Kevin K what do you think   about what's going on now don't just skip black  people y'all done that enough [ __ ] all that this   is what Chicago does MO not for real I'm I'mma  go Eric on this one I'mma go Eric Eric Gets a   vote God this is a tough one I don't know who I  choose Kevin oh my God wasn't it something else   Jesus Christ this is awesome I love this battle  between uh Daisy David Dukes over here on the   left and uh casual Fridays from HR department on  the left uh this was really good I thought Eric   just had just a little bit more I love Brandon  and just he could come in and just read out of   a phone book and sound funny But Eric just had  just a little bit more I'm going to go with Eric   okay two for Eric two for Eric Matthew Mitchell  this is a tough call especially since I know how   hard Brandon's taking the divorce so I don't want  to it was rough she got the bottom half of the jeans uh yeah battle battle battle B God damn it  it hurts cuz it's true I'm sorry pal Al I feel   like this is it's a tough call cuz it was [ __ ]  fantastic but I think where Brandon might have   went wrong is that your insults were Eric you  look smart and your girlfriend is Young and hot   so just based on that I think Eric hit a little  bit harder I got to go with Eric on this ER wins   the battle give it up for Eric great job awesome  pton rdy I mean you won so good job but uh yeah   no this was great uh Eric you look like uh the  kid who's friends with the lunch lady so that's   nice and Brandon look like the lunch lady no no no  you took my joke Brandon's the lunch lady [ __ ]   you this is good also how you doing with all that  spicy ketchup you've been eating that you think   is a I call them white okay um well that was  supposed to be funny hey Brandon how does it   feel to be judged by a jury of our peers no this  was I thought it was uh really great uh Eric you   had some good jokes uh but Brandon I thought your  comebacks were better um so I'm going to give it   to Brandon here oh hell I got one I need it [ __ ]  yeah and then Tor KY uh you guys both started off   so strong you were going really hard it was  incredible and then you both kind of petered   out which is imagine how I how you both [ __ ]  that's got to be it right he's just like you guys   were both like I'm done right and he was like yeah  I'm good too but I would have to say that's kind   of how it works with guys I there goes Tori Yelp  reviewing dicks again this is Pillow Talk in the   Kil Kenny house yeah but I got to say that Eric  uh you had it just a little bit harder so I'm   gonna I'm gonna give it up for Eric yeah J Kenny  voting for The Harder one give it up for give it   up for these two one more time Eric and Brandon  two of the [Applause] best all right guys this   has been roast battle Chicago how are you guys  feeling Monday night thank you for coming out   on a Monday night I didn't think you would and you  did and you guys are pieces of [ __ ] so thank you   so much for doing that I appreciate spongeb  hell yeah SpongeBob what's up dude one more   time for our amazing panel Kevin Kellum Matthew  Mitchell pton rdy Tor Kenny the amazing M good   yes we're going to be selling merch outside  follow some patreon if you want to if you're

Channel: Roast Battle Chicago

Views: 20,711

Keywords: Full Roast Battle, Roast Battle Full, Roast Battle Chicago, zanies chicago, roast battle, zanies comedy club, Chicago Roast Battle, stand up comedy roast, roast battle comedy, roast battle Chicago, Chicago roast battle, comedian roast battle, Zanies, Zanies Chicago, Chicago comedy, chicago roast battle

Id: HG3mhi7AFLg

Length: 44min 51sec (2691 seconds)

Published: Thu Nov 02 2023