r/Me_irl | don't watch this video

the bond's name james name please to what barnes names the the james i are you all right bames nons having a strong call of bondulin good morning people welcome to crisscross i am xva and i have not slept enough but that doesn't matter because i'm here for your entertainment no matter how many hours of sleep i got anyway me in real life let's go let's go boys pockets be like left crack pipe lighter oh gun oh yeah very good uh don't forget the obama triangle and then right is just a whole ass crab i won't be caught dead without my crab and neither should you friends why are you still single me a white shy guy ah you can pick up that courage i believe if you just take off the mask then maybe you won't be so scary to uh women or guys i don't judge so there i was i already i paid i paid for my ice cream yet the ice cream guy decides oh i'm going to take this ice cream and perform five hours of acrobatics lessons with it before giving it to you like i just want my ice cream describe the usa in four words coca-cola sometimes warm mostly coca-cola coca-cola burger king uh burger king many guns there are many versions that could work i'm a credit card because i'm always being used or denied oh my man oh 420 hahaha that's that's the wheat number oh double 69 oh particularly spicy this one wanted man sends police selfie to replace mug shot he said made him look [Music] terrible look at the man he's about to cry is someone cutting onions under him well they took that mug shot no i can understand that no no flak for him that is not a good picture not very flattering all right how much do you think margaret thatcher's funeral is going to cost three million pounds for three million pounds they could give everyone in scotland a shovel and we would dig a hole so deep that we could hand her over to satan personally oh my goodness oh man look at that design that must be an old episode my kid was having a pool party and the grim reaper showed up and took the whole plate of grilled salmon [Music] rude you weren't even invited and you think you can just make off with the entire goddamn supply of grilled salmon don't think i'll invite you to my next birthday party he grew up ah look at that kitty he's like you wanna go bro you wanna go you wanna take this outside man oh look at his muscles someone skipped leg day though i am once again asking you to wear a mask very good meme bernard thank you no no no seth thank you when will the over sexualization of women's costumes end i know right look at that that's that's not safe for work look at those luscious flaps if i walk into a girl's house and she got like 50 plants i know she's a keeper because she already takes care of a bunch of useless fricks what's one more gonna do don't be so self-critical of yourself man it's not your fault you're a parasite to society no it's your dad's why is there tear gas and laughing gas but not gases for other emotions they should have a full set like emoji no no veto vetoed the moment they start putting emojis on gas canisters to identify the contents is the day i got damn off myself the global internet is being attacked by sharks google confirms no headline will ever bring me as much joy as this wi-fi goes out are those freaking sharks again i swear to frick f and sjws sharks that wi-fi and a tiny tidbit of shark information for you guys sharks only attack actual cables on the seafloor if it's fiber optic glass wires they don't because those don't give off electronic signals asked my uber driver how long he's been uber driving and he said i never started and then i laughed and then he didn't laugh and then we rode in silence for 10 minutes and then i sneezed and he said what was that sound you just made and i said a sneeze and he said okay five stars five stars because it's clearly his first day on earth what if all uber drivers are aliens and that's just how they're trying to learn our society and technology that must be a weird first impression of earth no one says anything and the ones that do are incredibly rude english speakers on a roller coaster spanish speakers on a roller coaster nosotros [Music] espanol [Music] crap when microsoft word puts a red squiggly line under your last name on the day i lost my identity i'm still recovering but i will find my last name again maybe spelled properly when threatened a red panda will try to escape by running up a rock or tree if cornered it will stand on its hind legs and extend its claws to appear larger and threatening larger and threatening that little that little man ain't threatening he's just trying to raise the roof he's at a goddamn rave i have this weird character trait where i hate myself but still think i'm better than everyone else i want to make fun of this but i know uh people that aren't me with this trait man what what weirdos those people must be white guys be like that's fair what what do you want me to say nothing you walked pretty much right into that one lady that's fair how i feel whenever i post anything to my six followers nope it's five now that one comment on the post that was their resignation china may be using c to hide its submarines no where'd you get that information from oh you oh they they've bamboozled us all this time and they were hiding in the sea i can't believe it predators catching a flu be like thanks for the cold kind stranger bro i posted this like two hours ago well me irl doesn't sleep on those things when you randomly smell a specific scent you remember as a kid and the nostalgic memories come flooding in ah the smell of dog poo oh all the fond memories i have of playing with dog poo as a child but then my mom told me i'm not allowed to anymore america we're the strongest people in the world we can handle anything also america oh this mask makes my ears hurt [Music] [Laughter] i am going to enjoy my burger and gun now but not with mask because it is oppression tired of being a bird it's so sad to see it birds as a society need to be helped they didn't choose to be a bird but yet they have to live that life and they can't escape it when the only thing you explore is the refrigerator that's not a dora that is a a door a door roar aurora borealis no [ __ ] dora orb that's what i wanted to say but apparently i can't speak today god damn choose a delivery option thursday october 18th uh 705.99 for two-day shipping friday october 19th free yeah um i'm good with friday you know it's fine uh for 705 dollars i can ship myself to a different continent and back don't worry about it just give me the free one my brain trying to think of a response to oof or k not much you can do it's the one response that takes so little effort you know that anything you say will be wasted anyway so why bother if you can't beat them join them pick up truck behind me me going 10 over the speed limit this uh i can i cannot really relate uh because where i live we know how to drive f your zodiac sign which car did you pick um i'm gonna have to go with the left one as nice as the red is i just i just like the design sorry ferrari owners so glad i grew up with this uh rage com okay but damn this is good why can't why can't we all get along can we bring back rage comics like there used to be cringe for a little while but they've got charming formats some say charmander is the best some say it's squirtle but deep down we all know that you'll never be more than just a friend to her again can't relate sorry i i don't really have trouble with with relationships if you do i'll give you some advice write it in the comments my left leg above the sheets my right leg under the sheets oh it's a summer time baby it's a summertime this one goes to daryl for pocket dialing a customer while having sex well yeah what can i say a player's gotta play actually that was the sound of me eating spaghetti oh so good more a man in whole foods asked how i was doing and i said okay how are you and he said it is beautiful in my soul today and that's why i never go to whole foods someone that knows what that means uh let me know in the comments what whole foods is is it like is it like organic stuff like wholesale like costco what is it please an american tell me because if that's where all the vegans go to shop that would explain the weirdos books i sure am happy with the quantity and accuracy of the facts i know about corn hey wait a minute conspiracy why everything you know about corn is wrong no my precious corn facts are worthless now that's that's how he sounds that's just how he sounds there's a lot of call me carson going on at the moment hmm i missed when everyone had ligma instead of coronavirus yeah it's a mood right there by satan i didn't put monsters under your bed to scare you i put them there because i know you get lonely at night thanks satan actually it's satin breaking the collision of two airplanes over missouri has killed an estimated 850 people actually there were no airplanes that was yesterday's us coronavirus death toll without the airplanes does it become no big deal no no it no it doesn't become any kind of not a big deal it's just that america's how to put this uh politely i can't stop looking at the dog damn that is a buff dog look at that good boy good boy goes to the gym and for your next flight come fly with us american airlines longer larger fart bisexual adjective being single for so long that you don't even remember what it's like to have a roman ah i can talk what it's like to have romantic slash sexual feelings no i'm so embarrassed about that misspeak i'm not even gonna try it funny sorry want a free netflix subscription for six months call this number and get your username and password netflix india this is absolutely fake if you want free netflix please use someone else's account like the rest of us don't fall for scams because that guy's face is not very trustworthy in my opinion shower thoughts official ow screw shower thoughts pinocchio could tell us so much about the universe he could randomly claim things like the big bang happened and his nose would confirm or deny our theories no no no that isn't how that would work yeah yeah exactly pinocchio is not um omniscient omnipotent i don't actually know which one is you stupid effing redditors his nose grows when he's intentionally being dishonest things heating up in the pinocchio fandom uh i mean if someone knows if there's any actual cannon answer for whether or not any lie will make his nose grow or if just he is lying please let me know in the comments and that's a cut that was all the me irl content we have for you today hope you enjoyed the video hope you liked your stay here and i hope you have a great rest of your day iphone xva for your listening pleasure as always like favorite subscribe comment share etc all that good stuff follow us on twitter and snapchat to keep up to date i will probably record another one of these now and then i have to go to work but don't let don't let that discourage you i will see you in the next video one way or the other bye bye [Music]

Channel: Chris Cross

Views: 5,531

Rating: 4.9452991 out of 5

Keywords: reddit, r/, subreddit, best of reddit, r/ top posts, top posts, top posts of all time, reddit top posts, 100% true stories, reddit true stories, top all time, reddit posts, sorrow tv, rslash, giofilms, emkay, r/me_irl, r/me_irl top posts, r/me_irl best posts, me_irl, me irl reddit, r/meirl, funny reddit, r/me_irl emkay, emkay me_irl, wholesomememes, r/wholesomememes, wholesome memes, r/memes, me_irl emkay, me_irl chris cross, r/me_irl chris cross, chris cross

Id: MoyqQYcJfGM

Length: 14min 3sec (843 seconds)

Published: Mon Sep 28 2020