r/IDontWorkHereLady - CRAZY Karen BUSTED Herself

what's up guys welcome to daily dose of reddit this is your host zach in today's subreddit i don't work your lady this story's called i choose to blame it on the virus panic this happened to my neighbor best friend boss bff and me today a little background important to the story we're both red-headed women both work for the same law enforcement department i generally work nights she generally works days we both were told to take today off after working three 36-hour shifts with only a few hours of sleep between because of dealing with panic from a certain virus that aside from a couple of travelers hasn't hit our area yet since we both needed stuff bff and i grabbed bffs to offspring offspring 1 in offspring 2 and head for a certain store that is a local chain that is something like a slimmed down walmart the uniform of their employees is black slacks white polo and an apron that varies by department bff is dressed in flats casual pants and a white button down over a cami and her vest i'm in blue jeans knee-highs boots and a department t-shirt over my vest in other words nothing like stores uniform plus we have you know belts with handcuffs guns and holsters we're in the store for about half an hour i'm pushing one cart offspring one is pushing the other while bff is holding offspring two in one arm and pulling things off of the shelf with the other suddenly we hear a loud crash and a scream in the next aisle bff passes offspring two off to me telling me to watch her and heads over to the next aisle she barely makes it around the corner when i hear her call for me i set offspring 2 down tell her to wait with offspring 1 and come around the corner here is the sight i see one young woman her head slightly bleeding trying to free herself from the grasp of a crazy blonde lady probably roughly in her late 30s to late 40s while a man and a few kids look on crazy lady looks up at bff and immediately goes oh good are you the manager of this crappy store this lazy bench refused to help me i wanna fired she then jerks the young woman so hard that the young woman runs into the shelves cutting herself a second time ma'am let her go bff states calmly i don't think she works here what do you mean you don't think she works yet don't you know your own employees what kind of crappy dumbass freaking manager are you bff looks at me i look at bff then look back at crazy lady giving her my most wicked smile i'd say she knows her employees pretty well i remarked however that lady doesn't work for the store she's not wearing the uniform tell your freaking security grunt to be silent crazy lady spouts off mama one of the kids urgently starts i don't think she's security shut up marco not real name can't you see mama's talking to the manager ma'am i'm not the manager bff says pointing to the store manager who is now hurrying over he is now let go of the girl i won't ask again she starts reaching for her handcuffs freaking lying cuda you white folk benches are all the same racist and sticking up for each other rather ironic considering that crazy lady was paler than i am and that's saying something at that moment offspring 2 came running around the corner fight crazy lady finally let go of the terrified and injured girl and then grabbed offspring too flinging her halfway down the aisle stupid brat wait yeah tanya stupid little wham crazy lady stopped talking as she ricocheted off shelves don't ever touch my daughter again bff told her as she tried to handcuff crazy lady at this point the man that had been standing with the kids tries to grab on to bff and winds up taking a knee to the groin for his trouble crazy lady takes advantage of the moment pushes bff off grabs a jar off the shelf to swing towards bff's head and freezes as she realizes i've drawn my weapon her eyes go wide i'll i'll call corporate and have you fired for this she hissed i guess crazy lady didn't see anything wrong with having a weapon herself and trying to use it but somehow someone else with a weapon stopping her from potentially killing someone else is a bad thing mama the little boy screamed i've been trying to tell you they don't work here the lady's a police look at her shirt she looked out at my shirt and she definitely got that look people get when they realize they are in serious trouble i wish i could say the fight left her then instead as she was mirandized she kept insisting that she had done nothing wrong and that she was being entrapped by the police after crazy lady and the man that tried to grab bff or cuffed given their rights and sat on the floor the manager helped me watch over the two while bff went and checked on offspring 2 while we waited on someone actually on duty and for medics to arrive entire thing took maybe 5 minutes from the time we heard the crash until the end another 10 for co-workers and medics to arrive the young woman that was first assaulted had to go to the hospital to be checked out poor girl was really scared that she was gonna catch something at that hospital offspring too had her arm broken and also had to go to the hospital the man and kids turned out to be her boyfriend and their children crazy lady and boyfriend are now in jail for the foreseeable future since courts are closed crazy ladies kids are going to social services boyfriend was still in the process of applying for his green card now he probably can't get it and may be facing deportation at the end of all this since the injured girl bff and i couldn't finish our shopping the manager took our lists and promised that everything would be delivered to our houses tomorrow before anyone asks we are not required to wear our vests off duty but most of us do as for why we have our guns and badges while shopping with kids in our departments certain ranks are required to carry weapons badges and cuffs while off duty oh and this whole thing apparently started because the store was out of toilet paper and crazy lady decided the girl stocking up on pickles must be an employee okay so this white woman was claiming racism against white people and she's breaking bones and cutting people what and why did it take 15 minutes total for the co-workers to get there what this story is called the day i was hired and fired from a law firm not sure if this one belongs here but i hope you enjoy it anyway so this is about five years ago i worked as a chef at a bakery it was my job to make everything but the baked goods every morning the baker and i would walk in at about 4am and knock out all the food needed for the day this would leave me ready to go home around 10 am or so this put us at the perfect time to deliver online orders it was common for companies or other entities to place large catering orders with us the baker and i would split them down the middle and deliver them on our way home the delivery in question was for bob dick and harry attorneys at law i have never delivered to bd h before but they were a regular of sorts every financial quarter they would hold a huge meeting this meeting would require roughly 700 dollars worth of bagels and bagel accessories this spread included eight dozen bagels all 10 of our flavors of cream cheese pastries brownies and enough coffee to power a college dorm through finals week my passenger seat entire back seat and entire trunk are filled with food now bd h is located on the ninth floor of a commercial skyscraper deep in an industrial complex downtown parking was non-existent there were meters outside the building but i knew i would need close to 10 trips to deliver all this food and i didn't have a lot of change on me company policy was to just pay whatever fines i needed to park and then turn in my receipts the money would end up on my next paycheck so the building has its own parking garage so i pull on in the security guard let's call him sam stops me and says that the parking garage is for employees only i happily show him my delivery invoice and offer him a bribery bagel never leave the store without at least two sam refuses the bagel and says i can park in one of the guest spots on the bottom floor the fee is five dollars for every thirty minutes minimum of ten dollars i thank him and head to the bottom floor of the garage so there are a total of six guest parking spaces just six all of them are taken i head back up to talk to sam when i see an open parking spot reserved for bob dick and harry attorneys at law there are cars in every spot with many spots being reserved for employees by name the last spot is empty and is reserved for guests of bob dick and harry perfect i pull on in i grab the most important part of the delivery the coffee and head to the stairwell i get into the elevator and hit the button for floor nine the elevator asks for my employee id card well crud i try the lobby that works from there it's nine flights of stairs until i am outside the law firm of bob dick and harry after introducing myself i am shown to the room where the meeting will take place a table is set aside for me i set down the coffee and head for trip number two that is when i see sam talking to the receptionist he runs over and starts shouting at me i'm putting a boot on your freaking car i told you to park in the guest spot on the bottom floor i don't get a word in before he launches into a speech about security and how i could be hurting his building or people that is when a very well-dressed man walks over it so happens to be bob the bob of bob dick and harry's bob asks what the problem is and soon the two are arguing oh p is delivering food for my meeting he is allowed to use my parking spots those parking spots belong to the building you are leasing them like you leave this floor i am the one who says who can park there he isn't an employee so he isn't parking then i'm making him an employee you can't do that you know what you're right harry harry get over here harry walks over with an amused look on his face harry here is the head of our hr department harry hire this boy harry pulls out a piece of paper and scribbles op is now a member of bob dick and harry's and signs it then asks me to sign as well i do so bob reaches over to the receptionist who is already grabbing some things here's your employee badge your parking permit and your elevator key card now please do the job i have hired you to do and deliver my bills sam looks on an utter fury as i ride the elevator down to my car seven sweet sweet elevator rides later all the food is delivered bob and harry meet me at the table op you have made great strides in this company and i am proud of your work but i feel it is time for us to parties here is your final check bob then hands me a crisp 50 bill and your severance package now please be sure to return your badging card on the way out hairy hands me a 20 bill and sends me on my way the receptionist is sure to validate the parking ticket that sam gave me and i head on out on the way out sam grins at me and asks for my ticket i place it in the machine in his station it sees the validation i got and lets me out for free sam glares at me as i drive off into the late morning sun sam the the parking guy is obviously not very happy with the work he chose because gosh can you be any more of a freaking urethra splinter jeez this story's called today i fudged up by dismissing my uneasy bowel on a fourth date so this happened december boxing day i was dating a girl let's call her mary and things were looking pretty good we had a lot of fun together and had some very successful dates christmas was coming up and we both had no plans for boxing day so i decided to invite her over for dinner we both loved cooking so we did the cooking together glass of wine good talks good fun it was lovely with three courses and accompanying wines the kitchen time between courses time was going fast it turned out to be a heavy meal not to mention the wine we were getting drowsy and not exactly in the mood for extended good times in bed so i came up with the idea to go for a walk it was cold outside so that would freshen us right up for business or so i thought just before leaving the house i feel my bowels twitch or whatever you call it they were uneasy and you know no wonder we had our shoes and coats on already still talking away so you know i just dismissed it it's not the time to say hey hold on i i probably really have to take a dump right now and besides that mine was a tiny apartment at that time and the toilet was right next to the door so there would be no pretending it's a split second i didn't even consciously decide not to go to the toilet valve twitches toilet is complicated let's go outside so i was planning to do a couple kilometer routes around the neighborhood she wasn't very familiar with my town yet so i had some nice buildings and streets in mind to show her fast forward 45 minutes all is well or maybe three quarters of the way in a short climb was coming up some stairs followed by a steep section of street maybe a hundred meters we're not even halfway up the steps and my bowel graciously announces its existence again he was luckily silent but all the more ominous for it you know that feeling like everything from your chest down to your crotch is liquid that it went as quick as it came but i knew it's time to go home home was about 15 minutes off should be good we continue mary's talking and talking and talking and my bowels have reintroduced themselves i managed to casually mention that we have to go home because my stomach is weird she responds in a casual joking and de-escalating way thank you mary of course yeah no worries sure i'll manage she keeps on chatting away time crawls we seem to make zero progress towards the toilet i assess the situation and decide i will not accept the prognosis i made luckily i still managed to listen and understand a bit and acknowledge and hmm in the right places but i feel alone and afraid there's this non-stop pressure in my body trying to push something wet and ghastly outside my sphincter is working hard cold sweats ears start to ring what the hell is happening i blurred out mary stop i know this is weird but please don't think less of me but i feel like i'm about to crap my pants she gives me an uncertain look and asks if i'm serious yes i'm serious it's bad and i double over while i feel that i'm going to have to give in i look around and assess thank god for christmas there are no people around parked cars in a patch of grass with a large tree there it will happen mary could you please stand behind that van it's happening and so i waddle towards the tree while i feel my arse losing the battle strange sensations in my underwear relief panic and shame all mixed together i hurriedly take off my pants and let go fully yes are you alright i hear from behind the van um yeah better than before anyway please stay there for a while i decide to use the clean part of my underwear to clean my body a bit and so i step out of my pants and go to work fans are luckily okay i look at the mess i made it's horrendous and hell i'm not dragging my muddy underpants along for the rest of the way back i left them there a christmas monument to misery a treat for the neighborhood dogs that would undoubtedly find it later i don't know but somehow it was even too much to face the monstrosity and take it to a bin somewhere i just wanted to go asap so we went it's not long after that that i decided she was a stayer she was better about it than i could imagine anyone ever being able to be about something like this and then on to me bonus screw up some 10 minutes later we arrive home and i quickly jump in the shower turns out the inside of my pants didn't escape unscathed so i grab them and use the shower to remove as much evidence as possible i clean up toss my pants in the laundry turn the machine on put on something comfortable and we proceed to have some tea on the couch i suddenly hear this weird rhythmic thumping noise my hand shoots towards my pockets crap my phone is in the machine ended up being a solid base of trust and confidence in her and several good laughs about it since we're together quite happily still thank you for reading let it be a lesson for all don't forget to like subscribe and hit that bell to never miss an episode [Music]

Channel: Daily Dose Of Reddit

Views: 5,977

Keywords: reddit, r/, subreddit, best of reddit, r/ top posts, top posts, top posts of all time, reddit top posts, 100% True stories, reddit true stories, top all time, reddit posts, reddit funny, daily dose of reddit, daily dose of internet, daily dose of memes

Id: QEdx2MVeJ8g

Length: 18min 12sec (1092 seconds)

Published: Sat Sep 03 2022