Rich and DawnCheré Wilkerson — Asking For A Friend Q&A Part 2 Marriage, Divorce and Heartache

my name is manouschka we want to welcome all of our vous friends and family join us by way of video and podcast while we give it up our boo friends and family [Music] thankful for them well today is a little bit of a different day we've got our pastors in the hot seat today we're gonna be asking them some questions over the past few weeks you've been submitting questions online at our courtyard we've been in this collection of talks called asking for a friend so we're gonna be answering your questions today but we've got some panelists up here with us we've got Omar and Erica Aging and Michele hey Suzanne Blanca let's give it up pastor it's pastor D see how you doing today thank you for being here feeling good it's been a it's been a good morning thus far I've always wanted to go on The Oprah Winfrey Show and so I feel that couple living out a dream I just want to say honestly I'm so thankful for both of you because these past few weeks have been so enlightening see really this collection of talks is for everybody's whether you single married dating engage in a relationship in your head you know some people just like think they're in a relationship he has no idea just hold it on to face but it's been helpful for anybody no matter what spectrum you fall and just really learning about relationships the first week custody see you spoke to the min pastor it's the second week you spoke to all the ladies and then last weeks the two of you spoke together and I think my biggest takeaway of all those messages is not just about the other person but who do I need to be we talked about this visa this idea of becoming but who am i becoming oftentimes we put fault in the hands of somebody else we point fingers and the person that we're in a relationship with but really it's about looking inside I want to be the person that I'm looking for is looking for I want to know who I am as an individual because the healthy relationship is really built by two healthy individuals and think you've given us an opportunity to learn how to be healthy individuals so thank you so much for [Music] it's been sold the real question is are you in a relationship I am currently single but um you know I'm just waiting on the Lord you think waiting on I thought the Lord's gonna move swiftly after this so wherever you at I love the story I think just like you guys have been together 18 years going on 19 years now and I think you've been in so many different seasons you dated got married in college moved to a brand-new city started an incredible ministry you walk through this journey of infertility started this church here had two children there's so many different seasons of life that your relationship has gone on and someone had this beautiful question they said can you speak to what it looks like to have to effectively grow together where it doesn't feel like one person has moved into another season without the other person yeah I think that it's such an important question because all of us go through different seasons in a relationship and I think in our relationship what we've learned over the years and what we're still learning is is that you have to create space in your relationship for the person to have the ability to grow and to who God has called them to be sometimes we can get so stuck and we can have expectations that that person will always be the same but God's doing something new in their life and I think we have to celebrate that I think we have to speak to that you know being unified it's not uniformity it's not being exactly the same it we wouldn't miss out on the joy of our relationship if we tried to move forward being exactly the same having the same dreams having the same desires having the same gifts rich has different gifts that I do I have different gifts than he does we see things differently at times but that's what makes the relationship beautiful and dynamic and as long as we keep communication open as long as we choose to keep our hearts United by walking together there's no season you can't walk through I think there have been a lot of different journeys where we been in different places that our hearts have been united where maybe it was a season where you were encouraging me and I really desperately needed it or maybe it was vice versa yeah I think that relationships always require leadership and so at times thank God she is she's saying is leading the relationship other times I'm leading a different category and leadership is always good leaders speak to people's potential they don't speak to the present situation we're talking about where we're headed where we're going and we're casting the vision and I just think it's very important especially those of you that are married in the room that you get good at not just criticizing the current situation but you get even better at celebrating the future destination whatever you celebrate will be reinforced and whatever you reinforce will be repeated so when you see good behavior hello meaning when you see someone doing what you want them to do what you desire what you like that's the thing you should celebrate many times we get that the order wrong we just criticize what you never do it this way you never do it that way should be more like me I'm doing this you're not doing that and it doesn't produce what we're looking for and so I think growth is vital because thank God I am NOT the same dude I was at 17 years of age when she met me um I have grown a little bit and Don Shree has become someone entirely different from who I met almost 19 years ago and so the fact that we've give each other space and that we try to speak to who we're becoming I think makes all the difference in the world that's great falling in love is easy how does one stay committed mmm Monty's been change up the questions in every service so this is fun I think number one you got it you got to break that that thought process like I really believe that a transformed life comes from a transformed mind and new thoughts and it's right living and an army it's right believe and it turns into right living and so even the idea that we fell in love it's just it's kind of bad vocabulary because you know you could fall in love you can also fall into your car you know like but typically to fall out of your car you have to open up a door you have to hang your foot out you have to lean into a turn like there's all these things that you do for that to take place and so I think we have to actually just change the entire picture that we have around love love is a choice love is a commitment we need to get married not just out of emotion but we need to get married out of a devotion out of a decision Akali and I'm committing to you and I'm gonna fight for this thing so how you stay in love is that you wake up every day choosing to fight for it it's the daily relationship it's like how do you follow Jesus it's like you carry your cross every day and I think that it's the same thing in a relationship that you make a decision daily to say I'm a might we might be in a tough spot we might be having some miscommunication but we don't even give like the word divorce is not even allowed in our home that's like that's not even it's never even been a thought pattern for either one of us murder we've thought about a couple times but um that oh we can't be real in here like that guy you know this is weird but I'm just saying like there's just certain things that we just decided that that's not even we're not even going down that path that's when we argue and have intense fellowship those words don't come out of it we're not threatening one another with you gotta get them out like that's not producing any type of a committed relationship what would you have you stay with me all these years what do you love about me everything sorry I just get very this is a different day completely true when he was talking about see the big picture I think the way that you stay committed is see what you have value it like so often we can look outside and go oh the parties out there another party is where you are at in your relationship when you start to value it as when you start to celebrate it like never before and I just think that that understanding the gift yeah of having somebody to walk through life that it should be protected that it should be treasured and I think that gratitude allows you to go when when other options or when other thoughts or when temptations or when disappointment comes that you can go oh no like my commitment still stands this this is one of the greatest gifts that God has ever given me we can go through times but where we are today doesn't mean that we're gonna be there tomorrow I'm gonna continue to invest I'm gonna continue to speak life you know how to stay committed watch what you're speaking watch the thoughts that you're allowing yourself to feed off of and the queues that you're taking in your relationship and I don't think any relationship is past the hands of the God that we serve this collection is called asking for a friend and we're asking for a friend right now we brought some of our friends up here because there's really smart people but you just asked how did you you know how do you stay in love how do you hey soos and Blanca how long have you guys been married I'm just curious we've been married 24 years now when does he come on somebody put your hands together out there and you know today I think it's really important because people like how do you build a healthy church you build a healthy church off a healthy family Yeah right that's not just our idea that's like biblical fusions v Paul lays out the ground rules for a healthy home but one of things he does is he likens Christ to the bridegroom and the church is known as the bride he talks about an intimate relationship and I actually believe that the more that we have healthy families in our church the healthier church will be and I'm just grateful today where I'm trying to give a little bit of a vision in a picture in all of our service that there's some incredible couples but I think the question is best probably served in them because they've spent 24 years in marriage what would maybe be one thing that you feel like you could say especially a lot of young couples but even feel that I've been married like how would you guys stayed in love it's been easy I know right yeah yeah super easy but I think it's for us it's it's being intentional with each other it's not about like I or you it's about us and it's and I think it's also that me as a man and in my household head of my household I think I have to understand I got it entrusted me with my wife and my kids so what am I going to do with it you know and I that that's something that I value every day how do I cultivate love how do I become a better father how to become a better husband and it's a constant work in progress I think I've said it before our life is like the Palmetto Expressway we're always on the construction like never ends never ends so everybody an online world won't get that but those of us locally that that hits me yeah yeah absolutely babe you want to show something no just that I think that we are intentional with dating each other with staying in love it is not a feeling it's a choice that we made and we're gonna stick to it giving around the blogger amazing all different kinds of questions all day today I think the p.m. we're gonna really lead into singleness and and dating and some questions personal questions of my own so you can come out and hear those but really we've got some incredible parents up here and you all lead your household your children are different ages how do you raise your children to be godly how do you raise your children to follow Jesus I think that don't rely on that journey right now we're like a work in progress which is kind of cool because there's a lot of young families starting to come to church here and I think we learn as we go and we share secrets as we go but rather than even like give testimony what we're doing I think that we both have really great references yeah amazing amazing parents I think the thing that I take away from my parents and Dawn shrieking comment cuz I love their family so much but I didn't there was an authentic real home but my dad is a Pentecostal preacher full of conviction well I had all sorts of rules for us growing up I mean we used to have a no no dancing rule in my house like truly like it would get weird it would be like someone would get pregnant like it in church today but were they dancing like like it doesn't like or past that you know we used to go to weddings and like the dance music would hit my dad like Wilkerson's were out so like it was very radical um but even in the midst of like I'm we don't have a problem dancing but what I loved about my parents is that even with all that conviction they were very authentic meaning it wasn't like they were portraying one thing at church and being something different at home they were the same version and I think many times what happens in homes with moms and dads is that there's something projected upon kids that they themselves are not holding themselves accountable to that they're not authentically walking out and live you know and like kids like we're smart I'd call myself a kid um we know what you guys are doing mom and dad but I think they're on to us I think that they know when we're saying something and we're doing something different and what I appreciate about both my parents is that they were just the real deal they weren't wearing that they weren't saying one thing and doing another I think it's so important in the home to have honest communication and to discuss those types of things yeah I think that in our home I grew up in a very flexible home as far as my parents were on the road when I was 2 weeks old I was put on a tour bus in a bassinet there was a period in my life where we didn't come home for six months and so there was a lot of flexibility as far as the day-to-day routine but the things that were consistent in our home was that love was spoken we were committed to being in church every time the doors were open and there were real conversations about about who Jesus is and what his presence does in our home and in our lives and I think that you know seasons can change and life can be very flexible and you can you can go into seasons where you don't know what to expect but I think as long as you decide that you're gonna protect the culture of your home that you're gonna respect one another that you're gonna love one another we were by no means perfect kids six kids under the same roof growing up a lot of differences a lot of different personalities but I think one thing I learned from my parents is that they always taught us that our siblings were our allies and even when we were in arguments when we would come to our parents with a complaint about one about each other our parents would always speak life to us about how the other person saw us so I could come upset with my sister but my mom instead of saying you know you're gonna get through this you'll be better she'd say you know your sister loves you she thinks the world of you she values your opinion what you say counts and she would start to build a case for the way that my sister saw me that would build confidence and unity for us even though we weren't in the same room Peretz your voice matters the way that that you shape the culture of your home it matters and it's powerful yes and I think that our church we have a lot of people who are on different journeys and people have met Jesus here at vous and their spouse may not necessarily be on the same journey as them so whould you speak to a person that says what do I do if my spouse doesn't want to come to church such an important question and so practical in church life I love our church I love the stories I love that we have created a space or at least we're attempting to create a space that people can come with questions concerns doubts hang-ups Church like this is not easy it's messy and we actually always try to fight for a messy church over an easy church but I I think we I want to encourage whoever that spouse is or whoever is asking that question you have a real great opportunity in front of you and the great opportunity is is that maybe your life has shifted and you've pivoted and you found Christ and you have started a brand new journey of faith I think one of the greatest mistakes you can do is to come out of this place and belittle your spouse judge your spouse make your spouse feel less than for not being where you're at on the journey it's like nobody likes a preacher who just tells you all the wrong you're doing I like preachers that are telling me who I can become tell me what Christ has done for me and in your home you get to represent Jesus and I wonder are you making that look attractive or are you coming at your spouse making them feel less than it's not gonna produce in the long run what you're looking for I think that you've made a commitment now according to the Bible there's only two biblical grounds for a divorce that's that's when people have an affair when there's cheating going on and that's when there's physical abuse in the home dontrey made a beautiful statement last week and I want to just reiterate it because I know that that that happens in culture today there is no excuse for anybody putting their hands on you and physically harming you you don't need to make excuses for that you shouldn't tolerate that you should share that with somebody need to stop today but I meet some people wanted that they got married 10 years ago their life got radically changed and now their spouse hasn't caught up to them and they find themselves judging and condemning I got a really good friend right now who has had a huge conversion but his wife is not where where he's at and he's going home at times and there's this new conviction inside of him and he's but he doesn't understand these berating his wife and he's at times condemning his wife and I'm just saying bro you got to be patient like God was patient with you you know God is so patient and waits on us and I think in our homes we get a chance to love each other like Christ loves the church and we get to wait on one another I think it's a real opportunity to be an example not to preach at them but to live out the sermons you're hearing weekend week out and I just want to say to the people in this room that that's your situation are watching online that we see it happen day after day that God captures just like he captured our hearts and it only takes some moment in the presence of God and it doesn't matter if you've been waiting for a couple months or for decades and that person that you love is not out of the sight of God they are loved by God they are seen and even now whether they know it or not they're being drawn come on do you believe it today let's put our hands together these are the stories that make this community miraculous and I think that all draws back to how you communicate and the way that you speak to your spouse or somebody that you're in a relationship with do you got some tips for communication in relationships I think that communication is key we've been talking about it for the last few weeks but I think if there were one was one thing that I would say is that is that counseling is an incredible help to every single relationship and I don't know what it is about that word that so many of us can shy away from it and think like it's beneath us or that we don't need it or we'll wait until things are bad to get counseling but but on the flip side we applaud people who further their education we applaud people who decide to take more responsibility in their workplace and to to engage in different exercises that allow them to grow into who they're called to be we applaud people go away for conferences for the weekend but we can't sit down and talk about our marriage with someone who can give us real wisdom and insight I think that that it's time for us to put away that foolish thinking I think there's something powerful about having someone sit in the room with you as you discuss your relationship I think that you speak kinder I think that you hear things clearer I think that you communicate differently and I think that counseling is something that you start when your marriage is great not when the wheels have fallen off and maybe the wheels have fallen off but it's not too late you can get the wisdom that you need I think that all of us need counseling and it's just so important with communication that it's always not just what you're saying it's how you're saying it and hopefully you've learned that if you've spent any time with the opposite sex or in a relationship of any sort that it's not just what yours people don't care what you know until they know how much you care and although don't you have exchanged vows moment by moment scenario by scenario me expressing my love and my care and her well-being in my that I have her well-being in mind always helps the medicine go down easier and so when it comes to how I think there's things like right timing yeah I think you should define with your partner like when's the right timing for certain types of conversations I don't like waking up and all of a sudden we're discussing you know our finances it's like whoa like I just I was dreaming about Jesus and the Holy Spirit and that was deep in prayer I'm not ready for economics um so I just think that's not good timing I think I think tone yeah you know like it's funny because you can say even a nice thing in the wrong tone I love you I don't believe you you know like so I think tone matters I think SETI I was talking to a couple months ago hug go and like they have a hard time you know what we just can't you don't understand where I come from like it's it's you know I'm I'm Latin and so we we talk Ricketts you did I'm like okay no that's a Latin thing but um I said have you ever tried taking this conversation to a library because I have a feeling in the library you'll you'll control your tone like you won't be as loud I don't care what country you're from like it's gonna get you a little bit and I also think it like communication is everything so in the how I think it's a it we used to have a thing we used to say bat the ball back and forth and there's been different moments we give each other time or it's like alright you got one minute go state your case um and then I'll go and we the idea of an ebb and flow to go back and forth rules have engagement fighting fair is so so important we were in our crew the other week I loved it because in our crew in conversation like we're having today that we don't believe life change happens in a sermon we believe it's a catalyst for change change always happens in conversation I have a feeling my hope today is that couples are getting in their minivan by the way we just got a minivan yesterday holler at your boy double sliding doors keyless ignition this thing's sick bro anyways but as you're driving home I'm hoping that you gonna go hey what do you think about that part and hope there's a level of disagreement a level of conflict that's healthy that's positive but we were in our crude and having conversation and we came to this idea about you know what you're saying versus how you're saying it and the how is always wrapped in patience its patiently waiting on the other person and discovering what they're saying and somebody from our crew I just loved it they gave us this principle as the two C's which is to confirm and clarify so when dontrey tells me something the first thing I do is I want to confirm and I want to state back to her what she just said to me what that does is that makes her feel valued that I'm actually listening to what she said and then secondly after I've confirmed it I want to clarify it because we all say something but then we mean something in what we've said in clarifying is I think you mean this and then you can actually have healthy I believe conflict or healthy conversation that's great I cool I love that one of shift gears a little bit got a dating question hmm someone said hey pastors what advice would give someone who likes a girl but it's super nervous around her and afraid to make the first move okay before before you go hold on before you go no no I'm not gonna go I actually just think because Adrian Malina is up here and I this is actually that because I know a little about their story that but Adrian I don't think you lack in the confidence category but you did face mild forms of rejection what where did you build the confidence to and you explain but you take it them will go yeah so a mild form of rejection in the form of I asked Michelle out seven times and she said no every time except for the last time praise God but seven is a holy number you know what I'm talking about thank you buddy yeah I think that's normal to feel that as a guy to sometimes feel some hesitation and to sometimes feel some restraint on wanting to approach a girl that you're interested in but I think first and foremost it's understanding that you are of value and that you bring value and that you would be a contribution as a friend you would be a contribution as a significant other but then I think once you've identified somebody that you're like you know what I actually want to pursue this person I want to get to know this person you do so tactfully get to understand what it is that they like I was obsessed with understanding what Michelle liked and understanding what what she valued and what was fun for her and I'm like you like Disney girl I like Disney too you like the color blue I love the color blue you know like I'm just kidding I wasn't lying but you know you're you're getting to know the other person and you're pursuing that so I think even if even if you're shy even if you're timid it's first and foremost understanding that you are a man of God and that God put something inside of you that's unique different from any other man on the planet and who he has appointed you to be with will be a beneficiary of what he's put inside you you just got to walk in that kind of confidence say that if you're afraid it sounds like you found a good thing it sounds like you found a woman of Worth someone that you value and honor and respect and I think for both of us we've just decided that the things that we're afraid of those are the things we're gonna run towards so often fear can intimidate us and make us back away from some of the greatest things in our life and so I just say to the guys like hey if you're a little bit afraid or a little bit insecure about it that's even more of a reason for you to approach that woman because that tells me that you think she's very special but there's something about her that you honor and respect and admire don't give up seven times Adrienne these seven times keep going keep inviting the coffee you got it it's great we have another one from a guy and he says that I have not seen the best example of marriage growing up and marriage is a huge dream for me what are some tips in preparing to be the best husband I can possibly be it's a beautiful question and just even the question itself gives way to a major level of self-awareness which i think is so healthy when it comes to relationships of any sort because it's not just about your IQ it's about your EQ your emotional quotient that you understand emotional aware and and intelligence that you're growing in that and so the fact that whoever this person is I think they're on the right track already because they're identifying that what I've seen has been unhealthy very important principle that whatever you watch is what you learned and so if you've watched something that was broken or toxic or unhealthy you need to be mindful of that because many times we're going to repeat that which we've seen and so I was at the starting point not just for people that have come out of a out of a broken home or out of a place that might be toxic but for all of us dontrey and I we've got references for the type of marriage that we want there's people that I know that in their 60s and 70s that have a healthy marriage I'm taking note of that what does it look like to be in love at 75 what does it look like to live as a godly man in your 80s I think over and over again you need to get a reference like anytime at church that we create something I'm talking all of our creatives right now whether it's a design card or it's stage or even if it's music we always start with references we we gather references we like this we saw this and then it's out of the references that we begin to create why on earth would you just try to create a relationship out of thin air with no reference the scripture says without a vision that people throw off restraint what does that mean to throw off restraint meaning there's no guardrails there's no protection there's no guidelines there's no focus and because you can't focus right now I'm telling you that everything in your life that you don't focus on it begins to diminish that what you focus on gets bigger and better and so I always think try to find a healthy relationship and actually begin to mimic that ask someone to speak into your life ask someone to mend to ask someone to give you counsel to say how did you do it get real with me and even day right now like I want you to see other relationships because there's so many great godly couples they don't have a perfect relationship but they have a godly relationship and they're fighting to actually continue on the path of becoming and health and growth and so I would say start with a reference if you wanna get a healthy relationship going if you don't have to I would just say that the power of this room in this community gathering every week is exactly the basis of the answer of the question that you just asked because when you walk into a room like this and you the other people fighting for their marriage with faith you see other people choosing to apply the Word of God to their relationships it gives you the faith and whatever your past experience has been whatever the situation of the home that you grew up in was I can tell you that when you choose to be a part of the family of God all of a sudden you you can look around the room you can look around your crew you can look around the team that you serve on and all of a sudden you have all these new reference points naturally and you don't even notice but over the weeks and over the years those relationships shape you they give you expectation and they build your faith for the relationship that you'll have one day it happens for all of us this next question comes from a young lady she says I had sex with my boyfriend two years ago we were only intimate for a few months and I decided to stop because I knew it wasn't right I still feel extremely guilty what do I do to get over this guilt and shame well I think it's the power of the gospel and I think that that's one situation that people carry guilt and shame in but we could go down the aisles with a microphone and if we got really honest today where do you carry guilt where do you carry shame it's the result of sin yeah and anytime we sin the result of that is shame the good news is is that the sacrifice has already been paid once and for all and I think that when we continue to walk in shame after we've heard the truth and the good news it's like we're trying to crucify Jesus all over again it doesn't need to happen anymore and we need to learn how to forgive ourselves I think the depth of that question that's very very important and maybe tonight we'll find some time to get into this more is the narrative in the church around things like sexuality have been so myopic at time so it's been so black-and-white which is like we teach young girls and young men like you know hold out be a virgin and wear a purity ring and then you get married and so I think your purity ring off and we're teaching a do and don't type of narrative that if you do this that's gonna happen if you don't do this that's gonna happen and there's a there's truth to it it's a half truth the reason why we want to walk in purity is not just so that we don't have sex with someone who's not our spouse it's big reason why walking impurities because we're honoring God and we're trusting God's plan over our plan and so I see people like that make a mistake like this when they go made the mistake I guess there's no sense in trying to to walk in purity now and it's because we still think purity is a work of our flesh but purity is actually a work of God's grace and like right now today you can make a decision you might be here like living with your boyfriend or your girlfriend and I'm not even coming at you condemn me I'm just saying you can make a decision to go you know what I really care about this person why don't we put God to the test and actually trust God at His Word and why don't we put guard rails and parameters around this and see if that actually heightens our love heightens our intimacy in the future I think that we've just taught this idea that you've messed up and now you're dirty or that you've been rendered like no good anymore after one act and I think the idea of purity is an ongoing process dude I'm 35 years old I've been married the same woman for 13 years purity is just as difficult today as it was when I was 15 it's not like a youth group conversation it's like a human being conversations that I'm gonna Russ God at His Word and you're gonna continue to put God first and I think this idea that you it's like having an affair back you know what you guys reconcile Beck you know what I've had an affair and so that's just who I am now and so I've already crossed that line but I continue to cross that line that doesn't make any sense yeah if there's been forgiveness and reconciliation why would you continue to go down that path more and more and I just want to fight in our church because there's so many kids are coming to faith in their 30s and their 40s even their 50s and 60s in our church and with that in culture many people have been obeying the culture and trusting the culture and it means that they've had some living going on and I just don't like it when we create this idea that somehow you're less than or you're useless or you're dirty because of an act that you did know what we believe isn't the gospel of Jesus Christ that his one act of obedience today we can actually receive his righteousness by putting our trust and our faith and the final and finished of the cross of Jesus and so I don't think that was the question it's a big deal to be monks it's really helpful for people because a lot of people are on different journeys and trying to figure out how to live the right way and not feel that condemnation actually feeling God's grace because we talk about it we say hey you're set free but a lot of people walk out here not feeling that actual freedom so I think it's so helpful for people to hear that we don't want to just say we're free we want to actually live in the freedom that God has given us we want to walk in that freedom so we have another question here how can I heal from the hurt of a broken relationship well I want to say that it's possible and that it's God's will for you first of all that our God is a healer it's not just something he does it's who he is the healing is found in his presence and I think that the expectations that we have for the journey after a heartbreak it it's very important to say that you know I'm gonna commit to the process so what you see often is that people will say my heart's broken I'm gonna try to be a part of church or community but the healing doesn't take place fast enough and they jump ship ship and what they do is they miss out on what God had for them that there there was healing that was already in process that more was happening within them as they were choosing to be a part of community choosing to pursue God than they even knew and I think that for all of us healing is possible but we have to first surrender our plan to the hands of God because oftentimes we can be still trying to hold on maybe you're trying to hold on to the bitterness friend if you're still trying to hold on to the bitterness your heart will not heal if you're still trying to hold on to unforgiveness if you're still obsessed with the past God saying hey there's nothing for you back there I've got a great future in front of you and as you seek me you're gonna find me and you know who I am I'm the one who gives you your real purpose I'm the one who really gives you a vision for your life your spouse can't give you a vision for your life because he didn't create you she didn't create you that boyfriend that girlfriend they can't tell you what your life was supposed to hold because they don't know but you know who does know your creator and he didn't just create you but he has the ability to heal you to set you free from the condemnation of the past to give you a hope and a future we don't just say these things every single one of us on this stage we've experienced the healing power of the God that we serve and if you'll just choose suggestin if you'll choose not to jump ship if you'll choose to say commit and be patient with the process when I get a wound it takes time to heal but even those scars are a testimony that we serve a healer because God will take the wounds in your life and he will heal you from the inside out he's able so beautiful and you know my heart just breaks even hearing the question because I know in a room this size and those watching online that there's a lot of people that are dealing with a broken heart they say divorce is like having a funeral but but nobody died there's a process to the grief and I think when it comes to this idea of wounds I love that quote that God can heal your broken heart but you have to give them all the pieces meaning like anytime just once again like practically if you have a wound the first thing you have to do is you actually have to begin to clean out the wound expose the wound and clean it out but at some point have to stitch that thing up and once you stitch that thing up you can't keep fiddling around with it you can't keep picking it back you can't keep talking about it you can't keep rehearsing it I said a couple weeks ago it's like you know a heal will whoa but you can't keep touching it like you have to trust you have to surrender it over to God and there is a cleaning process you have to go through the process of grief in the process of hurt you do need people to talk it out with but at some point you begin to stitch it up and say alright I'm not gonna keep going back to that thing I'm gonna let it heal and what's so beautiful about God is nothing's ever wasted with God that doesn't mean that we should get into a toxic relationship on purposes I can't wait to see how God uses this first glory that that's that's not wisdom that's crazy you know but isn't it cool like the only scar the Bible says in heaven there's no tears there's no pain there's no sickness if there are one set of scars in heaven that we will see and that's the scars of our Savior on his hands and his feet I believe that he chooses to keep those scars as a reminder that what appeared to be the worst moment in the history of humanity God took it around and used it as our salvation his scars become our story that he already absorbed our pain he took all of our challenges and he died and he set us free and today I just want to encourage anyone out there because um you're kind of talking about this a little bit at jdd just around the idea of just loneliness my heart just goes out to people that I have a broken up because it's a real thing but as dontrey was saying if you'll stick with it if you'll continue in the process I believe that God will heal it and as he heals it he's gonna use it for his good and for your good and so I would say don't give up stick in there continue to believe that God has a bright future in store for you come on is this so helpful for everybody today why we think pastor rich and DC and panelists [Applause]

Channel: Official Rich & DC

Views: 20,181

Rating: 4.9590445 out of 5

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Id: TFokurv7fDA

Length: 38min 44sec (2324 seconds)

Published: Thu Apr 16 2020