DawnCheré Wilkerson — Asking For A Friend: Where's The Action?

just want to welcome our online family our friends and family watching by way of YouTube I think that what God's doing and this community is significant and I'm really excited about this new collection entitled asking for a friend because we're talking about all things relationship how many of you are like yep I'm here for it I'm here for I don't do because here's the deal all of us have questions about relationships everybody there's no one in this room that doesn't have questions about relationships and doesn't matter how long you've been with the same person or what the season of life that you're in we all have questions and sometimes we can film Barriss I know I have before like I haven't known who to go to or how to ask them or what the proper way to approach this situation is and so sometimes people come to me now and then they'll ask me like I'm asking for a friend and I look back and I'm like yeah I know who your friend is because we've all been there before right we're asking for ourselves we have questions in relationship and today I'm gonna be speaking directly to the guys of the house how many of you love the guys of this house come on Bellavia fellas next week rich is gonna be preaching directly to the women but everybody's gonna get something out of it and the third week we're gonna preach together the fourth week I'm fired up because we're doing something new we're doing QA but we're actually gonna do it in a way that you can be a part and today as you go out to the courtyard they're actually asking for a friend installs that you can learn all about how you can submit your question we're gonna answer those questions about relationships in just a few weeks how many of you are excited about it I'm excited for this journey with you as you read first Timothy chapter 4 I just want to give you some context for the verse so Paul is speaking to a young Timothy Timothy is a young man Paul is an older man and Paul is his mentor in the faith and as Paul is speaking to him he's really challenging Timothy to see beyond how he views himself and to understand that he's been call to be a leader really for such a time as this and so this is what he says in first Timothy chapter 4 verse 12 he says don't let anyone look down on you because you're young but set an example for the believers and speech and conduct in love and in purity and I want to take the next few minutes to talk to you on this thought where's the action where's the action will you bow your heads and pray with me or thank you so much for today thank you for every person in this room thank you Lord for the value and the worth you've placed inside of every man and every woman god I pray that you'd speak to us through the power of your word let our relationships be changed through your spirit we know it's your will to be involved in every part of our life we love you we thank you and all of you said come on if you love Jesus picked your hands together [Applause] well February is always a fun month for me because February is the month that I met my husband rich and next week actually marks it'll be 19 years since we met we met when we were 17 years old and we are embarking on our 19th year together next week and but yeah I'm pretty fired up about it thank you for your encouragement but doesn't look back to that day I have to tell you the truth we are two completely different people today that's just the nature of walking alongside someone through different journeys in life like you changed as you walk together just as we talked over the last couple of months we are all becoming and the only thing more important than who you are today is who you're gonna be tomorrow and I've walked alongside Rick in a lot of great seasons and a lot of tough seasons and as a look back to who we were when we were 17 completely different people but I'm so grateful we got to grow together the bible says as iron sharpens iron we sharpen one another meaning that there are rough edges on all of us and you know how iron sharpens iron through friction hello that'll preach to somebody today sometimes we hate the friction but really if we surrender it to God and stick in it God can use it for his glory and he can shape us in His image like never before and the person that you choose to walk alongside they're either gonna be your greatest asset or your greatest liability bottom line that's why relationships are so important it's important who you choose to surround yourself with it's important who you choose to date it's important who you choose to give your heart away to because that person is gonna shape you like no one else besides your relationship with Christ and I can say the same for rich and even at 17 as a young man he made decisions that really created the trajectory of our relationship he had a responsibility to lead and he led the best that he could and I'm so grateful for the way that he has led us and you know today as we kick off this collection there's nothing in this collection where rich and I are gonna be like we have it all together because we don't we're all in this journey of marriage together and you could probably learn more from from the things that we've learned the hard way than you can the things that we've done the right way from the start but we do want to share the wisdom that we've learned along the journey I'm grateful for marriage I'm grateful to walk alongside someone I'm grateful for the challenges that it brings and for how God uses another individual on this earth to shape us in his image it's a beautiful thing and so we don't shy away from talking about relationships but as I talked to the men today I want to encourage you because I'm grateful for the way that you choose to lead how many of you are grateful for the men of this house I think we should just put our hands together for the awesome bold faith-filled men of this house you don't come to this house to get beat up you come to this house to be encouraged oh come on let's put our hands together one more time I'm so grateful for the men of this house in just a chapter before this before Paul's talking to a young Timothy about being an example Paul's like listing out all the stipulations to be an elder in the church he's speaking to those who are further along the journey and how they can take their rightful position in leadership in the church and he's saying things like you've got to be faithful to your wife you've got to steward your home you have to raise children who know the word and love God but how many of you know that before you can have a faithful life you gotta find a faithful wife before you can steward your home you actually have to take the first steps of creating a home together that's what I love about this verse that Paul is speaking to Timothy he's he's speaking to the beginnings he's speaking to the vision of couldn't be and he's encouraging him and he's drawing out the leader within him and he says be an example be an example don't let anybody despise you be an example in your speech and your conduct and your love and your faith and in your purity in other words Paul saying you want to get there start here start here he first says set an example with your words and your conduct and when he saying set an example with your words and your conduct this is a beautiful powerful thing for all of us to take notice of because we live in a world that says you don't have to take responsibility for your words on your conduct we live in a world that says I didn't sign up to be an example therefore I'm not an example but that's just not the truth friend every single one of us are examples to the world around us the way we speak to others the way we honor others the way that we treat others when nobody else is looking the way that we protect others reputation when they're not around people are paying attention to the way that you lead and it's not something you sign up for it's simply something that is people are learning by watching you Paul saying hey you're an example in your speech and in your conduct don't forfeit the opportunity to be an example don't wait until you're further down the road know you're young but you're the exact age that God has called you to be to lead and to lead with power but then he goes on he says three powerful words and these are the words that I want to focus on today because these are words that bring action to your relationships these are words that bring life and vitality to the relationships that you treasure the most the first word that he uses as he says set an example in love everybody say love so last night I was at this beautiful celebration of love two of my dear friends got married it was beautiful to watch these two individuals go from me and you to us that from now on it's not my thing it's not your thing it's our thing we're choosing to commit a life together and the thing that I loved about the wedding and that I loved about weddings in general is when you look around it's not just buddies or people their age actually all ages are represented the parents were close to the altar as rich officiated the ceremony the grandparents were there the kids were walking down the aisle sprinkling you know flowers and then bringing the rings up they were aunts and uncles who had tears streaming down their faces there were friends cheering them on if every single age was represented in that community how many of you know that every single relationship it's not just about two people but it's about the community that they choose to surround themselves with there's power in community if you believe it today come on let me hear ya there's power and just like last night in that wedding they were surrounded by all ages that were supporting them speaking life over them saying hey we're with you you got a good bench in this game called marriage when you need us you can call us in we are surrounding you were fighting for you we're standing for you it reminds me a lot of what happens every Sunday because as you walk in this room there are people in every stage of life and Timothy his dad didn't know Jesus his dad was a Gentile he didn't have the example of a father who loved Jesus but Paul speaks to Timothy and says my son and the faith meaning that he took that place of saying I'm gonna love you as if you were my own son maybe the day you look around this room you don't have an example somebody who's gone before you and shown you what it looks like to walk out this journey of faith but can I encourage you as you walk through this door you now have countless examples life gets overwhelming when we're filled with fear about the season ahead because it's a new season why do midlife crisis happen why do people get into a marriage and throw their hands up and go I can't do it why do people start a new job and then decide to run from the very thing they prayed for forever because they haven't seen someone else walk it but you can look around this room and you can find people in every stage of life - jaw strength and encouragement from you can find people who are fighting a fight of faith believing that God would heal their loved ones you can look around the room and find someone who is going through loss and mourning and see how they walk it out with strength trusting Jesus you can look around the room and see a dad who's fathering his teenagers and be encouraged that you two will have the strength to do the same you can look at somebody who's been married as you step into a new marriage commitment and go if they can do it then I can do it how many of you are thankful for the example that we find in the house of God it's beautiful so you have to be intimidated when new seasons come you can look around this community and go oh they're doing it I see how he's doing it I see how she's stewarding her life I'm really grateful because one of my favorite people on this journey of planting vous church is a man right here by the name of rocky and rocky is a faithful servant leader when we talk about faithfulness you know this year I was talking to him before service this year he celebrates 42 years of marriage I think that that's worth and applause so if you're looking for an example there's one right of it here there's been all around this room and what I would say to the men who have gone before the young men who are in this room take your rightful place of mentorship start to love not just the kids in your house but as you serve in this house as you lead in this house know that your words matter that your encouragement that it's deposited deep in the souls of the young men and the young women around you and that you're building up their character by you choosing to set an example oh I think we should give all the men a hand one more time it's powerful what happens in community love is powerful we know that love is an action in Ephesians chapter 5 it commands husband's husbands love your wife and Christ loves the church that Christ even went to the place of laying down his very life for the church and that's a pretty powerful charge for the men in this room you're not playing games making a commitment to walk alongside the woman that you've pledged your love to but rather you're saying I will live a life full of sacrifice I will live a life full of initiative you said on shree what do you mean initiative well you have to understand if you're called to love your wife as Christ loved the church Christ's love initiated the relationship that we have with him Christ's love went first Christ left decided to come to us when we could not reach him and I think it's a powerful thing when a man realizes that he has this innate ability ability to initiate vision and purpose within his home that he with his very words and the way that he acts can create a vision for more for the wife that he walks alongside and for the children that he raises you have the power to create that's why the enemy comes against it so clearly tries to silence your voice tries to make you passive tries to make you not care because the moment your heart is awakened to what God has called you to do is the moment you realize you were called to the action you were called to live a life of adventure oh come on can you put your hands together there's more than you see and it starts when you choose the love love intentionally initiate you see time isn't what creates a great marriage it's time that is utilized and invested in and taken advantage of that actually produces a beautiful life-giving relationship we have to choose to love and to put love into action it's funny because Rick and I both fly a lot so a lot of our examples in preaching are about flying I'm sorry it's just part of our life and so for me this past year I uh you get status like with flying and it's actually nice because it just helps you you can get just things for free that you normally would have to pay a lot of money for and I lost my status last year because I didn't fly enough and so that means that I'm holding on to my husband's coattails and please take me take me but when it comes to status with air miles you're just trying to get enough and then you're good you're just trying to meet the requirement and then who cares I'm not trying to go over and above and beyond and impress the airline with my loyalty can I tell you that's a horrible way to approach your relationships I'll just do enough to keep the peace in my home I'll just do enough if she's happy that's fine that's good leave it I'll just I'll just meet the standard so that happy wife happy life some of you are like oh man she's reading my mail right now that's a horrible way and it's a horrible way to expect anything great out of a relationship how can you expect anything great out of a relationship when what you're pouring into it is mediocre you you've gotta broaden your expectation for your relationship as you continue to initiate the initiation doesn't just start by you asking to take someone out for coffee no it continues 30 years in 40 years in that I'm still initiating opportunities to love and to give and to serve how many of you believe that that's how healthy relationships grow there's power and choosing to step out in the set an example initiate initiating doesn't mean rules it means vision and inspiration it means cultivating a culture that can allow your spouse to thrive and allow you to thrive the way that God has called you to you see initiation takes thought I know I'm teaching my son to look into people's eyes teaching him to initiate I'm teaching him to show respect and love and care and thoughtfulness we were at the wedding and last night never two languages spoken I love sing cultures blended together I don't think there's anything more beautiful but understand this that the universal language of love is actually service no matter what culture you're in no matter what your background no matter what your story you can live a life of action you want to know where the action is the action is in loving someone and loving them by choosing to serve them choosing to take your time your effort your energy I saw this in my grandparents marriage because my grandparents they were married for years and years I think 60 years but my grandfather every morning when I would stay at their home he would bring my grandmother breakfast in bed I mean I don't know anybody who does that and if you do you you rock you rock but that grandfather would bring my grandmother her her oatmeal and her grapefruit and her bran muffin and her coffee and I could remember it like it was yesterday and he would bring it to her in her bed and he chose to live a life of serving her he chose a Luke to live a life of serving the church he was a simple man you would go to the hospitals every day he would pray for people he would preach with all of his heart and it wasn't that his his sermons were eloquent it was that he loved God with a pure love and when he spoke through the Scriptures the power of God moved but I watched him as he loved his wife with everything that he had he wasn't perfect but he chose to serve and then I watched as he lost all of his motor skills for the last several years of his life as my grandmother then cared for his every need cared for him morning tonight and I watched what real relationships are made up of that it's not just the balloons and the chocolates on February 14th but real relationship is service come on how many of you would say I want a marriage like that I'm here for it I want to invest I want to initiate I want to give where's the action the action is in loving it's in serving it's in giving you know love isn't just passionate it's humble love isn't just romantic it's responsible love isn't just a love letter love is choosing to allow your life to reflect the love of God we've got to understand that love is active and in every season of our life we can choose to initiate and awaken a new season of loving each other like never before rich and I have been in this baby season we've had a lot of seasons we we had a season of long-distance dating then we had a season of dating for three and a half years at school we had a season of being married and colleagues that was crazy we had a season of moving to Miami and serving with his parents working together learning that new rhythm we had a season of walking through infertility for eight years trusting God for a baby then that baby came along and our lives were turned upside down all of a sudden we learned about this new season of not sleeping and and caring for someone and protecting their life from killing themselves every two seconds now we have two kids and life is chaotic and wonderful but we know that our relationship is the foundation of our home that that our kids peace and love and fulfillment in our home is based on the two of us seeing eye-to-eye being connected loving one another and so in this season where we've been challenges to get away just the two of us we realize it had been years since we had taken any time just the two of us on a trip that we go on vacation with friends we've gone with family we've gone with our kids but that we hadn't gone just the two of us and so rich when we realized this while I was pregnant he goes you I'm planning a trip so he took the initiative I'm so grateful and he planned a three-day trip we didn't go far away but it was the perfect trip it was just just the two of us just time to be together and he planned all these surprises one night after dinner we just eaten we were walking back and he said I got a surprise for you I said I love surprises how many of you love surprises I'm like I love surprises I'm like bring it on and I'm gonna love it I know and he goes babe you're not gonna believe this I know this is not like usual but I got us a private salsa dance lesson now here's the deal we're not great dancers Rick's has trouble with the rhythm I mean he's taking salsa lessons he couldn't go to any ninth grade birthday parties here in Miami so he took salsa lessons in ninth grade so he could attend just so he could dance and participate I learned salsa moves but then I forget them I cannot remember any of them so it was quite the experience but it was just us and the salsa instructor instead of describing it I just want you to watch and enjoy I filmed it here we go you got the spin go baby go baby go oh look at that what do you know my baby's got a spin come on baby do it again just spin for me okay we're going we're going Oh can she nail it oh we got work to do thank you ladies [Applause] now we have been together for 19 years we are still learning new dance moves and nineteen years from now how many of you know I'm still gonna be learning alongside the one that I love I'm still gonna be growing we're still gonna be laughing at ourselves just having fun enjoying one another but I'm grateful that he took the time to initiate because it created a brand new experience that we had never ever had in our marriage and can I just speak to the women in this room can you give the man that you love a little bit of room to grow can you give him the grace to try some new things and not feel embarrassed can you give him the space to take some steps that he's never taken before can you encourage him as he tries can you tell him baby that was the best spin I've ever seen do it again why because so often we're the first ones to say why'd you do that that was weird what would happen if we just leaned in and enjoyed the moment well what would happen if we understood the point is not perfection the point is growing together loving one another laughing together feeling comfortable and safe in each other's presence we're called to love and then you have the power to initiate but secondly Paul goes on and he speaks to Timothy he says Timothy don't let anyone despise you because of your age but be an example in your faith everyone say faith now why is faith important in a relationship what is faith important for a man of any age because life is tough because life knocks us down and without faith we don't have any hope for our relationship when we hit a wall we just stay on the ground feeling like we don't know how to move forward but faith if you even have a mustard seed size of faith says the story's not over get back up again you got what it takes God is before you you got a spouse that loves you you can make it well this is the grit of any great relationship it's faith choosing to believe when the odds are stacked against you choosing to know that God is with you even when you feel like you're alone that's faith after all it was Paul who declared that even though no one stood before me at my trial God stood by my side this was a man who understood even though physically no one stands with you you gotta have the faith inside that God goes before you and if God is with you who can be against you come on let's put our hands together in this room you need faith [Music] they'll say do you really think it's important for me to date someone who knows Jesus he's a great man he has great morals he's got a great job he's got a great family he's wonderful I love him you know what I say every single time what's gonna happen when you're in a situation where you need faith when your baby is in the ER and you need a miracle will you be able to grab his hands and call on the name of Jesus will you be able to believe together for a miracle what's gonna happen when there's another girl that looks better and just because it's easier or simpler or could you actually look into each other's eyes and go we committed not just to ourselves but to the God that we serve that we would be faithful that we would stand together that we would contend for this marriage all day it's how you fight in your family it's faith don't make it the small thing it's not big sharing on top of your relationship it's the bedrock of your marriage it's the bedrock of your future faith Timothy don't let anybody look down on you he may not have thought as many wars as those other guys he may not have had as many years under your belt as them but you've got faith you know what the good news about faith is faith grows you start with it this big it's active yuuna know where the action is you wanna know where the adventurous start to live a life that is led by faith start to paint a vision for your home and for your marriage and can I just speak for the ladies there's nothing more attractive than a man that is able to communicate his faith there is nothing more beautiful powerful incredible than a man that knows that he was put on this earth to serve God and to serve those around him who with humility and full surrender to God who stands in all of God and you know what maybe the truth is maybe you didn't grow up with that example if you don't know how to articulate there's nothing to be ashamed of we're all learning how to articulate our faith you know one of the most beautiful ways that we learn to articulate our faith is in our cruise how many of you love cruise in this house I love cruise and maybe today I've talked to so many individuals who say I'm just uncomfortable talking to my family about faith maybe if you're honest you would raise your hand I'm not asking to do that today but what I am saying to you is if you have trouble speaking to your family about faith a great way to get comfortable is to take that first step of being in a crew cruiser this week it's going to be powerful we're gonna open up the Word of God and we're gonna look to what the Word of God says and we're gonna all have the opportunity to weigh in on how this scripture applies to our individual lives and as you choose to participate in community it's gonna give you the confidence you need to have conversations about faith with your spouse with your kids can I tell you the church's responsibility is not to raise your children in faith that that's your responsibility that that those are the conversations you should be having daily in your home and you have the power and you have the authority and God has chosen you you're the right father for your children but you got to step into that relationship initiating love and using faith to wage the war that's in front of you come on put your hands together today if you believe it it's faith historical wedding vows say I pledge you my faith I pledge you my faith now it's incredible because Timothy his father didn't serve Jesus but Paul when he's writing says you've been passed down a beautiful powerful faith by your mother and your grandmother Lois and you these are powerful mighty women and I want to speak to the women in this room that some of you are raising world-changers and you may come through these doors by yourself carrying the responsibility of leading your home but just like God had his hand on Timothy because of the faith of his mother and his grandmother you are passing down a very real powerful mantle and God has plans for your children that are bigger than your prayers could ever be that are bigger than your mind could ever dream because he loves your sons he loves your daughters and he is thankful for the way your steward in your home come on right now can we put our hands together for all the women in the house all the Lois's all the Eunice's they are powerful women of God who are leaving a heritage a heritage of faith a heritage of faithfulness because when you're full of faith you're faithful you steward the path that God's put in front of you see faithfulness isn't just for when you're feeling it it's not just when the worship music is pounding and you feel like raising your hands faithfulness is for the long journey home faithfulness is God I I will steward this path because you've called me to it and until you speak otherwise I'm not gonna step off course when rich and I moved to Miami we made the decision really through Rich's leadership in our marriage that instead of wondering if God had called us to serve with his parents every six months wondering if there was a better job wondering if there was something else we should be doing more exciting better to put our time and use to that we were gonna put our heads down and work for five years said we don't want our mind to be filled with wondering if we should be here or not we want our mind to be filled with ways that we can help where God has put our feet we want our mind to be filled with an assurance that if God's called us here then we can pour out every good idea that he puts in our brains right now then we're not gonna hold anything back that we're not gonna wait until it's another season that God you called us here and we're not promised tomorrow and we're gonna be faithful to the course I'm so grateful for that decision it seemed it seemed difficult at the time but looking back it freed us up to just dig our feet deep in the soil of where God had planted us and not to wonder but to be assured oh come on this God speaking this somebody let's put our hands together we're called to be committed we're called to be assured that God has placed this where he's places for a purpose I'm not waiting to give my best I'm not holding back anything no God I'm not promised tomorrow that's why speaking your faith is so important say what you need to say today speak love today speak hope today your marriage depends on it your kids futures and their identities it depends on it please don't marginalize your voice in the equation your voice matters and it matters a lot use the faith that God has given you and watch it grow but then Paul goes on says activate your love activate your faith be an example and then he uses this last word he says be an example Timothy in your purity say that word with me purity we need a larger understanding of purity just this last week I had an awakening because my son has asthma and it's been a journey of a year of him being constantly sick and it's just trusting God and thank God for doctors and as I found that my son had asthma you know you try to do all sorts of things to make things better you try to keep your house really clean try to keep things you know from from polluting the atmosphere and I use a particular house cleaner that everybody says is the best and when I talk with friends it's like oh my mother uses that my grandmother uses that it's so good nothing does the job of cleaning like that you know what I realized this week is I just took a little bit of time to research it's that the the cleaning agent that I've been using to purify my home is actually an incredible instigator for asthma and so the very thing that I've been using religiously to keep my house pure has actually been the thing that has been causing the issue in my home can I tell you when it comes to the culture of our world when it comes to what the world says we'll bring you the best relationships we'll bring you the purest deepest love we'll give you what you've been looking for when it comes to what the world says gives you the action that you need and desire can I tell you it's the very thing that they offer that will destroy you from the inside out because you're not just looking for the latest thrill you're looking for your heart to be healed you're looking for God to pour out his spirit deep inside of you and to meet every part of your life but if you believe the lie oh it worked for them it worked for them oh this works this works I'm not looking for a promise on the cover of a magazine thank you I'm not looking for an answer in the newspaper I'm looking to the Word of God I'm looking to the Scriptures for what will fulfill my heart what will meet my needs what will fill my hunger pains I think that God knows best because he created this thing called relationship could it be that you've bought the lie that the packaging looks nice and that everybody else is doing it but it's actually destroying the culture of your home I don't want those empty promises you know the cool thing is is that when I realized that it was polluting my home in one day it changed boom done what happens to us when we realize that we've made a mistake oh man but it's been 13 years 13 years I've been cleaning my house with that stuff I don't know I might as well not change now there's no way there's no way to and we start to make excuses for the lifestyle that we lead because we allow sin and we allow the impurities of the world to take a hold and control of our over our lives but that's not the message of the gospel the message of the gospel is that Jesus shed his blood so that the moment you realize that you have bought into a lie you can walk boldly into the throne room of the Father you can lift up your hands you can be forgiven you can be purified you can be set free all the chains and the bondage has to go that is the message of the God we serve that behold everything has passed away in the past all things are new I'm a new creation I get to start today you got to get a bigger vision for purity purity is not relegated to sex purity is not just something that you try to maintain until you get married purity is a lifestyle and you have to protect your purity just as much on the other side of your marriage vows is before your marriage vows purity is about allowing the Spirit of God to transform you into the image of God and purity it applies to every part of the command that Paul gives Timothy that our speech should be pure our our conversation should actually be pure that our actions should be pure our love should be pure it shouldn't be muddy with underlying motives our faith should be pure it should be purely seeking and believing in the one true God not in positive thinking but brethren the power of the Holy Spirit that lives within us purity is power purity is authority purity is security see purity keeps you secure because you're not trying to hide anything oh I know it if they find out if this gets out if this comes to light it makes you insecure it makes you feel paralyzed you can't walk forward into your future you can't teach your kids about walking in the ways of God because you feel condemnation from the decisions you're making yourself purity brings security purity says I'm strengthened by Almighty God I'm covered by the blood of the Lamb I'm a son of God I'm a daughter of God I am righteous in his sight I am sanctified by the power of the Holy Spirit I have an eternal purpose and destiny you want to know where the action is sin living a life that is stewarded by purity the greatest warriors throughout history it was not about their ability to fight that was not the foundation of their greatness look to the great night look to the samurais it was always about the opportunity of their character being enlarged all of their abilities flowed out of their character they had a high moral code they had a high code of character and out of that authority and respect and honor and culture flowed their ability to wage war some of us in this room we've missed it because we're focusing on what we're doing instead of who were being what Paul is saying to Timothy is Timothy the greatest adventure of your life will never be found and what you do or what you achieve you want the greatest adventure as a man of God it's found in who you are being be a man of purity be a man of faith they a man of love be a man that sets an example and when others want to judge you you just keep leading do keep walking you keep running babe be

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Length: 42min 48sec (2568 seconds)

Published: Mon Feb 10 2020