r/facepalm Best Posts #27

oh are your clothes wet no worries friend just take them off in the middle of the city build a campfire and let your mouse friend help you dry your clothes i love pokemon logic i don't get people like jeff bezos if i had billions of dollars i would impulsively start fixing stuff homeless vets i don't think so hungry children not on my watch he could be batman what a waste this is what bill gates did start doing with his money now internet idiots blame him for every conspiracy they can think of and he's he's still not batman bill gates malaria not on my watch starving africans i don't think so incoming global pandemic hope i can teach people how to avert it but brainlets bill gates wants to spy on everyone and stardo the pandemic climbing the ladder of success it hurts by every climb just flip the letter upside down bro you're you're making it worse for yourself honestly you could just stand on the back and i mean it might hurt a little bit but really not that much if you ever feel dumb just know that when my friend was 14 she went to a psychiatrist because she had a voice in her head it was her brain like literally just her thoughts she thought that she was the only person who had the ability to think for 14 years that's kind of upsetting i'm gonna buy your book and then burn it why stop there buy 10 copies and burn them that'll really show me totally won't get paid for that in my hungover state i went food shopping reached for a pack of sausages and someone reached at the same time so i stepped back and said oh sorry you go ahead i then realized i'd actually seen my own arm in a mirror and had apologized to myself in front of a lady handing out samples very embarrassing what's stopping you from doing this with your partner you really going to ask that question what do you think the answer could be of why i don't want to do this maybe common sense no i don't want to trust my partner to be hanging off the edge of a cliff what gross the woman literally just had a baby and she is right back in shape but the man is fat and disgusting i swear if my husband ever lets himself go like that and becomes fat i will kick him to the curb so fast he won't know what hit him imagine that poor woman having to live the life with that fat man so sad she should toss him out gosh what is wrong with you that is so mean there is nothing wrong with someone being like overweight you know if you would kick someone out of your house because they're fat it just shows what kind of person you are elderly catholic woman has mistakenly been praying every day to elrond from lord of the rings um that is not jesus [Laughter] so i had a wedding in my calendar for this saturday and i was very stressed out because i didn't know whose it was and i was afraid i was gonna miss it then i realized that it was part of my 20-year plan and i said it like five years ago it's my wedding i'm missing my wedding oh dude so a client made his wife sign a prenup two years ago he assisted and shouted upon it so she agreed now they're getting a divorce and we're finding out she's like seven times richer than him and he's trying to break the terms and define the essence oh boy you played yourself you will never change what you tolerate research flat earth there's no curve here can we agree on that yeah well if you look really tiny on a on a bit on a tennis ball there'll be no curve that's basically what you're doing on the earth my dumb self has been buying bay leaves when there's a bay tree outside my front door i've lived here over a year how much money have you spent on that because honestly that looks like one of those packages that would overcharge you for something right there elephants are harmless wait where's where's the elephant that's a giraffe are you the elephant a customer came in complaining of hearing a whistle coming from the engine i was able to diagnose the issue of them having idiotic friends they zip tied a harmonica in the engine men should be building the hoover dam or working 12-hour shifts at the shipyard not playing on the computer but somebody already built the hoover dam why do we need to build it again his skin was the color of just pressed olive are you sure about that because the the color of just pressed olive is like like like a musty green yellowy kind of thing and i've never seen someone with that color of skin i have to ask can you only contract the virus horizontally because everyone in this audience has no one next to them but someone in front of them and if i'm gonna be honest i feel like if we're gonna spread germs it would be in front not next you know i've been called a lot of names and accused a lot of things by er patients but it's surreal to have a patient accuse me of falsifying their virus result because they don't believe it's real as i'm actively trying to keep them from dying from multi-organ failure from the virus why why are people like this man i feel sorry for netflix era kids they will never know the high-stakes adrenaline of running to the bathroom slash fridge slash bedroom in a single ad break with the beckoning call of a sibling screaming it's on to send you hurdling over furniture to get back in time couldn't you just pause it no you can't it's live tv millionaire makes 20 million dollars in 2020 hires artists to make art for 25k puts one streak on canvas thanks artists and has art appraised by an appraiser in his same circle of friends values artwork at 20 million dollars donates 20 million artwork to museum to get 20 million tax write-off pays no taxes in 2020. me at museum this is stupid it's just a line on a canvas hipster neck to me no you just don't understand it because you're uncultured well that certainly is a story just been to starbucks with josh and i was in a mood so i said i didn't want anything and he actually didn't get me anything anyone want a useless boyfriend is it his fault for listening to what you told him what is wrong with you romeo trying to wake juliet up checking if she breathes waiting five minutes nah i'll drink the poison romeo's dumb the body was still warm so um i couldn't find my headphones and it's late at night solution get a stethoscope and put it up to the speaker with the computer on low volume if i can't find my headphones what makes you think i'm gonna find a stethoscope just lying around notice only one person in this meeting room at a time you know i'm awful supporting covered rules and everything but one person in a meeting room uh no one's going to be having meetings [Laughter] none at all tick tock users are shaving down their teeth with nail files dentists say it could cause permanent damage well duh don't do it why are people oh that is disgusting that is gonna ruin your teeth okay so you think your day is bad a key was falling off its little ring i bit down on it to close it up it got stuck between my teeth then when trying to desperately cut the ring with wire strippers they got stuck too what a day oh you need to go to the dentist now that is ugh well guys that seems to be the end of another episode of arslash facepalm if you enjoyed the video please don't forget to like comment and subscribe it'd be great they appreciate if you could do so and maybe even share this video to your friends and family members that'd be greatly appreciated as well before you leave though i just want to say i do have a couple links down below in the description if you want to check them out get my social media like my twitter my instagram if you want to follow me over there to keep updated on my next post and the next uploads uh i have some merch it'll be the first link down below in the description if you want to check out some cool designs and shirts hats hoodies got some custom stickers and even some custom face masks check it out you will look great in them i don't doubt it and lastly i have a patreon so big thank you to all my current patreon supporters the names are on the screen if you want to support me you can do so by clicking the link in the description but i don't expect you to support me it's just there if you want to help me make better quality videos before that said though thank you for watching and i'll see you all on the next video uh

Channel: GioFilms

Views: 385,590

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Id: grxgsWlQuQ8

Length: 10min 12sec (612 seconds)

Published: Tue Sep 29 2020