RED FLAGS PT.1 - 25 Red Flags in Relationships | Pastor Paul Daugherty

this is fun yeah thanks so much for the coffee my pleasure why don't you tell me some of your favorite things okay my favorite movie is American Psycho and my favorite word is embezzlement yes where do you live [Music] all right everybody say red flags so let's talk about what is a red flag a red flag is a signal of danger right a red flag is a warning sign a heads-up of potential disaster a sign that there's a problem that needs to be addressed in auto racing like NASCAR when a red flag is waved it's a sign that there's dangerous conditions on the track dangerous conditions with the weather it's not assigned to keep going it's a sign to stop the race if you go to the ocean to go swimming out on a beach if there's a red flag out on the beach that's a sign that there's undercurrents you can't see that it's not a safe time to go swimming in the ocean there may be sharks right there in the water they'll put up the red flag when there's a double red flag on a beach that means they are shutting the beach down for that time not that you could never swim on that beach but for that moment right now it is way too dangerous to be in the water and in the same way God gives us red flags warnings when it comes to the relationships that we have if you have a Bible once you go to proverbs 27 verse 12 you can make some noise come on [Music] proverbs 27 verse 12 here we go the prudence your version might say the wise man the wise woman those who are wise they see danger in other words they see the red flags and they take refuge but the simple and one version says the foolish man the foolish girl the ignorant guy keeps going and pays the penalty now I'm thankful for the grace of God the grace of God covers a lot of mistakes in our life however there are consequences when we refuse to heed the warning signals that pop up in our life it says the prudent man the danger the prudent girl the wise girl she sees the red flags and she takes refuge in that relationship in other words she slows things down she says hey listen this this seems a little off like you keep talking about wanting to kill your parents this seems like a red flag I don't know if we should keep going in this really you keep talking about some crazy stuff embezzlement American site like this feels like a red flag but the simple girl the simple guy is like no big deal he's really hot she's really hot I just want to move forward in their relationship so we need to lean into these red flags we need to pay attention we need to wake up to see what's going on around us I grew up in a home with two older sisters and my mom and we would have movie night every week and we would take turns who got to rent the movie and oftentimes my older sisters they would rent chick flicks right they'd rent like these romantic old movies about a guy and a girl and some other guy that's the wrong guy and then there's one guy that's the right guy or you know two girls and one girl's the wrong girl and the one girls the right girl for this guy and I remember watching these movies and my mom she would talk to the characters in the movie like we would watch Sleepless in Seattle you've got mail we would watch you know ever after and Cinderella story all these you know chick flick movies and so my mom she would stand up she's like he's the wrong guy he is the wrong guy don't you go out with that guy that guy has issues he's great she better not or you know if it was the girls like that girl's a bad girl she's so mean do you see how she's treating other people guys we need to pray right now that he does not go out with that girl I'm like mom it's a movie we can't change the script they can't even hear you sit down she start pacing in the living room you know just talking to the movie and it's so easy for us to spot red flags in the movies it's so easy for us to spot red flags and other people and it is so hard at times to spot red flags in ourselves in our relationship and our behavior and our mindset and attitudes you know deception right now is at an all-time high in our society there's a lot of deceiving going on and deceiving is a scary thing it's a dangerous thing because it's deceptive you don't really know who one is you don't really know how something is actually going because in this current society we put such an emphasis on the external you know self-image what we see when we're at church this smile the the social media and yet people can be hiding some very toxic things in their life I saw an article on the news last week about this teenage boy 17 years old and the article said nobody saw the red flags and this was something that literally just happened in the last 10 days it was national news this guy killed his girlfriend and killed his girlfriend's parents and killed his own parents now this guy was sharp looking he was handsome he looked like someone that you wouldn't even expect this from but how many all know that deception can happen to anyone at any time no matter how good-looking they are I'm no longer surprised when I see stuff on the news about leaders or politicians or people because now I'm convinced anyone can do anything when they are deceived no matter how nice they look or how smiling they are and I'm not trying to stir up your suspicions about everyone in the room like who's the mass murderer in the room but you know I even think about this that last week I also came across this article about a documentary being made about a guy named Ted Bundy now I was born in 85 so I didn't really know who is Ted Bundy so I start googling his name and find out that he potentially killed almost a hundred people but he was really nice had a good-looking family he was a handsome guy smiled would go to church shake people's hands you know like he was running for the mayor or something and he was always being sweet to people but secretly he was developing these side relationships with other girls that ended up you know missing all the time and what was so scary is no one was seeing the red flags in this guy's life no one was paying attention to it and so what this series is about is just to open our eyes up to say there are some serious red flags out there in relationships that we need to pay attention to and we need to be awakened to so that we can make the right decisions in our relationships so in order for this message to stick in order for us to get as much as we can from this series I really three things need to happen number one we've got to have ears to hear because Jesus said there's people who have ears but they're missing the message religious people who will sit in services like it's a checklist I come to church because I have to and the whole time you know playing games I'm doing my own thing I'm checking ESPN I'm on social media I'm not really listening to the sermon the scary thing is I'm talking to people right now that are missing this right now but if you're going to get anything from this pulpit whether it's me up here TD jakes Steven Furtick Larry Stockstill Billy Wilson whoever's up here you're gonna have to have ears to hear in other words you're gonna have to be inclined to want to know what is God's speaking to you today or else you're gonna miss the message and if you're listening to hear what's wrong with somebody else you're gonna miss the message I'm not just listening for a witch hunt to find out what's wrong with everybody else I'm listening to find out what is God wanting me to grow in ears to hear secondly we need eyes to see there's a lot of people that are walking around like this like you know every days is the bird box day and just like I don't want to see anything I don't even want to know what's wrong with me or what's wrong with him I just want to go blindly into these relationships blind dates blind marriages blind relate I don't even want to face the truth I'd rather not see it I'd rather not address the red flags but we are in a time where we can't afford to have our eyes cover we got to wake up and see what's happening so we can address the mess and move forward from the situation that is very toxic very dangerous at bus they take off the blindfold we need eyes to see and thirdly we need a heart to receive we need a heart to receive I need to have my heart in a place that's moldable flexible pliable in other words if my heart is at a rock hard place you can't teach me anything I know more than you Paul you'll never I'm never gonna learn anything new I already got it all figured out my heart's already arrived at the best version it can be that's a red flag and I'm not even saying cuz I'm preaching I'm just saying if you're still breathing God's not finished with you yet and if you'll allow your heart to be moldable flexible Bible I believe you'll get something out of this sermon you'll get something out of this series so I want to give you today 25 red flags specifically for singles you're like oh my goodness how are you gonna get through 25 red so I'm gonna do it quickly I had a hundred red flags this week that I wrote down and I condensed it down to 25 this is specifically for singles this week but married people don't check out where's the singles out if you're single raise your hand where's the singles at come on make some noise look around scope out the territory all right where's the married people at yes I'm actually very pleased to hear such a loud shout from the married people because other services it was like yeah huh what it's supposed to be a happy thing so we're going to talk today whether you're single or married divorced widowed whatever this is something that can help all of us so I want to get right into it number one the first red flag for singles is they act really embarrassed around you in public if you are dating someone that's embarrassed to be in a relationship with you they're like let's just keep it secret I'm not gonna post you on any of my pictures on social media like let's just pretend we're let's not tell anyone we're dating let's keep it our little secret that's a red flag if they if they won't tell anyone about you and you're telling everyone about them but they're like don't don't tell anyone else like that's a red flag if they can't admit they're in a relationship with you number two when they treat you extra sweet but everyone else totally different now this happens in relationships and we get so focused on how they're treating us that we're missing what they're doing to everyone else well Paul he's so nice to me yeah he did punch his mom in the face but he he is so sweet to me yeah he cussed out the waitress yeah I guess he he did do some other things to other people listen he's gonna punch you in six years he's just trying to impress you right now but I'm telling you watch how he treats everyone else besides you watch how she treats everyone else besides you she might be sweet to you but she is somebody else to everybody else and we've got to pay attention I ever say that's a red flag number three when they are emotionally reckless on a regular basis now I'm not talking like once a year I'm saying like every single week there's an emotionally reckless breakdown that happens in their life like my dad used to say watch how she acts when you're playing her in ping-pong watch how she acts when you play you know board games with her monopoly or Scrabble or you know whatever games just watch out she acts during church softball league basketball games like is she going crazy all the time is he like turning into Bobby Knight throw and you know chairs out on the court slamming the basketball down happy gilmore throwing his golf clubs down the golf course and you're like it's not a big deal he won't do that to me I'm telling you if he punches the wall every single week at some point you're gonna turn into the wall is he emotionally reckless on a regular basis now if you are married to this person right now you're like Paul are you trying to break us all up right now no I'm trying to give you warnings heads-up I'm just trying to say hey listen this is something that needs to be talked about have a conversation before there's an incarceration come on the rhyme the snap out of this series have a conversation before there's an incarceration because eventually this this guy this girl if she is always blowing up flying off the handle just going wild on a regular basis that that short fuse is going to eventually get the best of him or her there needs to be a I'm not saying that you could never swim in this ocean I'm just saying right now there's a red flag on the beach there's undercurrents that you don't even know could pull you out further than you want to go so address the mess number four when they tell you immediately that they love you and want to marry you and and start acting like you're married after the first date that is a red flag like Paul it's so romantic you know they're already calling me sugar sugar baby and honey bun and oh love don't say that like you've known them 24 hours they cannot say oh love don't say that after 24 hours that takes at least 24 days I'm just saying that's my thought right there if it's only been one week slow down on all the marriage talk if she's already planning the wedding on Pinterest after the first date like you just need to say hey chill out let's take this easy let's pace ourselves through this relationship am I being too intense for this church today can I tell it like it is I'm moving from a preacher to a teacher this week so alright number five if they cut off all their good clothes godly friends to only always be with you annex to do the same that's a red flag no Paul it's just us we're gonna isolate ourselves we're not gonna hang out with any of our close godly friends we've stopped going to our connect groups we've stopped going to church it's just me and him forever that's not healthy my wife has godly friends in her life I have godly friends in my life when we started dating we did not tell each other to cut off all our godly close friends we needed our connect group we needed our community a healthy relationship respects godly friendships in the other person's life number six if they are always blaming others for their mistakes that is a red flag I remember sitting down with this guy and he was telling me about all of his past relationships and he had been through like eight or nine he was telling me about the last marriage he just divorced from and he was like dude this girl was so controlling oh yeah that girl her mom was so controlling oh that girl her dad was so controlling and every relationship was about her this she this she that and finally after like hearing about the 8th relationship I said bro did you have anything to do with the the reason that the relationship didn't work out no it was all dim it was all them it's always been all them that's a red flag if someone does not own that they had something to do with the mistake or the problem that is a red flag I'm getting death stares from people I'm gonna keep moving on here number seven never if they never listen to you if they never ask about your heart if the conversation is always about them if they never listen to your feelings never want to know about the things you like that's a red flag that is a red flag that is not a healthy relationship well he's really really good-looking and you know he likes to talk a lot he doesn't ever ask me anything about myself he really has a lot to say about himself and our conversations are always about him but he's really good-looking and I'm sure after thirty years of marriage I'll still enjoy only hearing all about him and never him asked no you won't if you're dating him right now have a conversation listen the relationship is meant to be balanced it's not meant to be all about someone else all right I could preach a sermon on each of these points number eight they worship the narcissistic Trinity me myself and I they come to church and they mix up the worship song it's all about me Jesus all this is for me me at the center of it all me myself and I at the center of it all you think this is funny there are people that are literally all about themselves and this is toxic this is a red flag don't sweep it under the rug don't think it's gonna magically disappear when you get married address the mess you've got to look at these things you've got to stop being blind to it you got to stop closing your ears you've got to see the red flags and you've got to do something about it number nine when they put you so now this is the opposite of number eight when they put you on a pedestal of perfection so now they're not worshipping themselves they're worshipping you and they think you are the greatest you are perfect in all of your ways you're a good good man you're perfect in all of your ways no you're not like wow Paul thanks for telling me that Sunday morning supposed to make me feel good listen dude you are not an angel I'm not saying you're a demon I'm just saying you're a dude and dudes have flaws and ladies let me just say something you're awesome but you're not perfect either you're not a little angel I'm not saying you're a demon either I'm just saying you're a lady man I am getting really I'm scared right now I'm just preaching the Word of God don't growl at me listen I'm just telling it it is it doesn't help anyone to put someone on a pedestal if they're putting you on a pedestal you need to say hey listen do not think I'm perfect because at some point I'm gonna disappoint you and you'll realize I am not the Idol that you should have I'm not supposed to be your Idol I'm not supposed to be your Savior that's Jesus's job that's not your boyfriend's job that's not your girlfriend's job if they have built a shrine on their social media all about you like if every single pictures of you your face this way your face that way like it's so romantic every single picture no that's creepy they need to have some more life outside of you they need to stop just worshipping uuuuu because at some point you're gonna disappoint them and it's going to be a disastrous situation everybody say that's a red flag number ten they want to meet your parents and be part of your family ASAP I'm talking like after the first date or two I had this one girl that I went on a date with and oh are you not my wife I'm so glad for my wife I married the right girl but there was this one girl that I dated at oru and I say I dated I went on one date with her and on this very first date she goes when am I gonna get to meet Billy Joe and Sharon Daugherty your parents I said you can meet them at church this Sunday they'll be there they shake hands in the back she goes I mean when are you gonna have me over to your house for Sunday lunch and I said well I think we need to go on a few more dates like that's that's kind of like in my opinion that's an intimate thing she's like I really just want to go on your family vacation uh-huh because I was telling her how we go to Branson Silver Dollar City she's like can I come to the next Branson vacation I said no listen Silver Dollar City is reserved for intimate relationships like we don't just take the first date with us on our family vacation to Branson Missouri to Silver Dollar City that is for special relationships y'all think this is just Paul's idea I'm telling you right now I've watched this happen where guys and girls date and after the first date or second day all of a sudden that person's adopted into the family they're going on family vacations and three weeks later the relationships not working out they find out that one of them has like two million dollars of credit card debt they decide I don't want to have this relationship anymore but now the family has all these ties with them they're trying to figure out what are we supposed to do we let this person in really really fast we may we made this huge amazing connection with them within your first week of dating I'm just saying take time before you get all into the family I feel like a lot of people are taking bathroom breaks right now let me just move on to the next point number 11 if they never apologize or admit they're wrong this is a big one if he can't say he's sorry for talking to you like that if she won't say it's not a big deal just let it go you're so sensitive you are so overly sensitive just get over it guys I'm just saying like if the pride in them if the ego and them won't let them say they're sorry that's a red flag to pay attention to that's that's like the opposite of humility if people can't say I was wrong I am sorry I should not have have interrupted you I should not have said that about you I should not have called you that name I was wrong I'm sorry I did that I'm just saying right now these are red flags to have a conversation with this person number 12 if you can't be yourself around this person and you feel very uncomfortable that's a red flag now it's one thing if they're calling you out for bad behaviors they're like hey listen you should stop cussing at people they won't let me cuss anymore Paul they won't let me be myself they won't let me throw my golf clubs at people they won't let me punch anybody like that's good you need to stop punching people in the face you need to stop cussing out your mom that they're calling you out for things that you need to grow in but if they're like I don't like the way you laugh the way you laugh it's so embarrassing I don't like your tastes in in food like you need to start liking seafood like me I don't like that you don't like what I like you need to stop having these hobbies basketball foot I just hate that I hate that about you you need to like what I like I wish you read books like me I wish you watched chick flicks like me listen God did not give you a unique personality so some sixteen year old boy that likes you could change you into his image you are made in the image of God and it is so much better than trying to fit into someone else's personality frustrations with you alright so you got you got to learn to be yourself around people if people can't accept that and again I'm not saying bad behavior I'm just saying who God's made you to be number thirteen if he or she wants to control everything if you never get to make a decision if they're making all of the decisions this is a red flag if she asks for all your passwords after the first date this is a red flag I need your passwords ASAP no we just met one hour ago now over time there should be accountability there should be you know that mutual respect making decisions together but if there is an over controlling in every decision this is a red flag this doesn't disappear it doesn't magically go away in marriage it amplifies in marriage if this is you if you are controlling person own it and just say lord help me to stop be sowing you know such a control freak lord help me to learn how to trust help me not to try to control everything in my life because eventually you'll realize you can't control everything in your life I can't control everyone in my life so I've got to learn to let go everybody say let it go alright alright number fourteen if their parents or family are overly involved in controlling in every decision he or she makes when you marry a guy you marry his family too when you marry a girl you marry into her family too I am thankful for my in-laws but I think about so many relationships where you know the parents or the family was just overly involved pay attention to those things those are red flags and listen if you're fourteen years old and you're like my mom and dad won't let me do what I want to do you are in there you are under their rule okay like of course they're paying the bills for you they're putting a roof over your head but if you are thirty-five years old and mommy and daddy are making every single decision for you and older brother older sister are making every decision for you and you can't make a decision for yourself that is failure to launch we got to put on our big-boy pants graduate from diapers and start making decisions for ourselves and stop letting everyone you know my I came to my dad when I was 23 and I told my dad I like Ashley and I said you know I like Ashley he said yeah that's great I do too I think she's a great girl and I said dad I'm thinking about marrying her what do you think and he said I'm glad you asked for my advice that's all I'm gonna give you at the end of the day it's your decision so he gave me his advice said yes I think she's a great girl think you guys need to continue to grow and these areas in your life he was very wise it was a lot of good truth but he was not controlling he was not controlling there's a difference between giving wisdom and trying to control every decision that a child makes when they're a grown adult and so my dad said Paul your mom and I will pray for you we will be there for you but at the end of the day we cannot decide for you what's best for you you've got to make a decision you are a grown-up now so we trust that you'll hear our advice you're listening to God you're reading books you're gonna grow you're gonna make wise decisions okay number 15 when they want to hide a lot of stuff from you and I'm talking like they're hiding their money status hey can we talk about you know what what your school loans are like no I'm not gonna talk about that until we're married can we talk about the credit card debt no we're not gonna talk about that till we're married I don't want to talk about that stuff if you would talk about this addiction no not good if there's a lot of hidden stuff and they're not wanting to talk about it at some point it's going to affect the future marriage now if you are married today and you married into some stuff that was hidden from you while you were dating at this point the best thing we can do is fight to stay together to work through it go to counseling get stronger get free of whatever that stuff that was hidden from before don't take this message as I'm leaving my hug I'm leave listen if there's some stuff that meat needs to be addressed address it but there's a lot of people that will look at relationships and and there's hidden stuff and they know it and they'll put on their blindfold right and they'll just say I'm not even gonna look at it I don't even want to know about it I know that I saw some stuff I shouldn't have seen that that they're hiding from me but I'm just gonna pretend that I didn't see it we're gonna just keep going through this blind date into a blind marriage and hope that it all works out in the end no you've got to open your eyes and you got to see it and you gotta address it man it's getting quiet in here [Applause] if they're hiding stuff from you now it's only going to grow down the road number 16 if they're often critical of you like not in a cute teasing way I mean like they're putting you down in front of your friends and their friends all the time they're demeaning you and you're like well I mean he's just he's like that like he's really good-looking or she's really hot yeah she does make fun of me a lot and I do feel hurt but I I just learn to get over it you know she says I'm just overly sensitive and yes she makes fun of me every single day with all of her friends and my friend you need to have a conversation you need to have a conversation because this if it's not addressed it turns into verbal abuse and someday when you're parents together it gets passed on the kids like being critical of someone all that we're all going to have critiques about each other but that doesn't mean you just say everything that come to your mind and you make fun of your spouse in front of everyone all the time or make fun of the person you're dating that's not a healthy way to have a relationship all right number 17 they're still in touch or holding on to stuff from their ex I just touched something right now in this service I feel it I'm gonna go out into the crowd don't be scared we got to address this right if you're still holding on to a box of all the notes and the necklace and the little ring and the pictures if you have a folder on your laptop of all the messages in emails and you haven't deleted that and you are in a serious relationship or you are married to someone now and you are still entertaining these these thoughts and these feelings in these pictures and notes from your ex that is a red flag it needs to be talked about there needs to be a conversation before there's an incarceration from the person who's going to get super mad and jealous and do something harmful to listen there needs to be a conversation if there if you're still holding on to stuff from your ex and you're moving forward into a new relationship something has not been dealt with in your past and I'm not talking about holding on like if you're in contact with your ex for child support that's one thing but if you're in contact in a romantic way and you're dating someone new and you're trying to play both situations here that's not healthy it's getting quiet in this charismatic church number 18 they have a warped view of God the Bible in the church I went on a date with a girl in college who it wasn't Ashley wasn't my wife but this girl she she started to make jokes about the Holy Spirit she started to make jokes about the Bible and she started making jokes about our church you don't talk about my dad and mama you start talking about my mom it's over like at first I was okay with the beginning but I was feeling something was off I was like this this just feels wrong she was making fun of just different things and I'm telling you right now a lot of people get into a relationship where they have the opposite doctrines and theologies and down the road I'm just telling you it creates a whole lot of mess for you to think well I'm missionary dating him eventually I'm gonna lead him to Christ I'm a missionary to him he's my mission field right now I'm just trying to get him say while we continue to you know lay hands on each other and speak in tongues and I know what you're doing you're not speaking you're having some other tongues going on we need the keyboard to come up I got to wrap this thing up if they don't want to go to church if they're making fun of pastor Paul you better lay your foot there don't make fun of pastor Paul I just had to throw that in there but if they have a warped view like they come to church and they're like let's get out here I don't like what he's talking about he's trying to break us up here he's talking about red flags oh if they have a warped view of God if like they're here for one hour like let's get out of here I just want to go see a movie I just want to go watch the Superbowl right now the search stuff is way too boring for me I don't like any of it if you're dating them you have an option to end the relationship now if you're married the option is to love them to treat them with the love of Christ and to stand in the truth of God the Bible talks about if you're married to an unbelieving man an unbelieving woman don't just divorce them but be a christ-like servant in the house show them the love of God and through your actions through your love through your kindness through your commitment to God there will be a change that happens in their heart but listen if you're dating someone and this is happening right now and they're just making fun of your relationship with God that is a major red flag number 19 if he or she never wants to be around their parents or their family hey we've been hanging out a lot with my family and you've never mentioned we've been dating for nine months you've never even mentioned your parents once we've never even talked about your family been together for a long time and you know we're grown adults how come you've never I don't want to talk about my family now it could be for the right reason it could be that mom and dad are running a meth lab at the house and we just don't want to go there no I'm serious like it could be for the right like hey trust me we don't need to go home right now you know the police are invading the house right now y'all are laughing but I'm serious right now I'm serious but at least have a conversation about it like don't sweep it under the rug it's a it's not a big deal just I don't want to talk about my parents if there is problems at home just address just say hey listen there's a reason why I haven't brought you to my parents there's a lot of things happening I forgive them I'm choosing to love them but there's some stuff that just that's why we haven't spent a lot of time with them at least have a conversation because without a conversation there's all kinds of assumptions suspicions questions number twenty when they have no discipline in their life no self-control no restraint like if he's starting to touch your leg right now and you've been dating for a few months or you're on a date and he starts to move in places where you're not super comfortable you say hey can you stop and he won't stop and he keeps going you're like we'll pause not a big deal well in a few years it could be some other girls leg it could be someone else if there's no self-control if he can't control his hands I'm just telling you it's a red flag have a conversation before there's an incarceration because again if he can't be told no if he always if she there was this girl this happens with girls too I went on a date I keep telling on myself I went on a date in college it wasn't a date it was just to hang out and friend time this first week of school this girl won't hang out with me we were having our church conference annual Church conference in August TD jakes was preaching at night 2004 she said hey can I go with you we just met on campus I said sure all of our friends are going so she hopped in the car five of us we went to church the next night she said can I go with you again it was Winston of someone else John Bevere so sure you know three nights in a row the fourth night we had a big youth service and I was a youth volunteer youth leader and I was going there to volunteer and she had already gotten my number my cricket cell phone number she sent me attacks hey can I go with you to the service I said yeah I'm going to volunteer you're welcome to come so she came and the whole time there was a whole lot of red flags popping up but I just didn't pay attention I was I was so like she was pretty she was flirtatious I just kind of was enjoying it and I'm just saying this right now in the Bible there was characters like Samson and Delilah Samson was called by God to do a certain thing with his life but he pursued Delilah and Delilah ended up you know getting the secret to his strength Samson's story is a tragic story he ends up losing his eyes and and and we're going to get into it next week but uh it wasn't all Delilah's fault there was something inside of Samson that was enjoying the lust he was enjoying the deception stop blaming everything on Delilah so there was something in me that was enjoying it that night she said hey can you give me a ride back to campus sure it's right across the street at the youth building and so I'm driving and she said hey let's go for a drive let's turn up the music roll the windows down yeah and we'll just call her Delilah for this story so Delilah and I were driving down the road and she says hey you know you keep paying attention to the road I was like yeah cuz we're driving she's like why don't you park over here so you could pay attention to me and I was like okay Delilah and so uh I pulled over in this parking lot and she she leans in and she wanted to be physical and we had only known each other three days and I felt very uncomfortable and I was trying to figure out what to do because at the same time you know I'm a dude I'm not an angel I'm a dude and thank God in that moment I was able to practice self-control and I said hey we need to go back to campus she's like why let's just stay here tonight we camp out in your car and so long story short drove back to campus I said hey you know I think I think we need to maybe just take a break from hanging out she was like why do you always do this I was like why do I you've known me three days what do you mean why do I always do this it's like you always do this you never let us hang out I was like what well notice were these three days what are you throwing always and never in here and went on to be a very intense this girl ended up dating a lot of guys breaking a lot of guys hearts crossing a lot of boundaries left the school and just a wake of there was guys that came to me afterwards they said did you know about this girl I said yeah they said why didn't you warn me like why didn't you tell me there was red flags around this girl and I said I I honestly wasn't sure I just didn't know but I feel like I'm preaching this sermon to some singles right now that there's some guys and some girls that that God is still working on I'm not saying they're a lost cause I'm just saying there's a red flag on the beach right now and you don't realize there's undercurrents and you think you can be a missionary dater and lead them to Christ and God saying let me lead them to Christ let me be their Savior you can't be his Savior you can't be her Savior all right I got a hurry up here uh number 21 when all their heroes and favorite shows and influences are very secular dark and twisted ha ha ha I really like him but you know his his favorite guys are Charles Manson Ted Bundy and Adolf Hitler and I I don't know what to do with that and when I looked on his iTunes playlist it's all intense like abusive songs about guys abuse and their wives and I just I think it's gonna work itself out we're just gonna keep going now my friends if everything that he likes is messed up and dark and twisted have a conversation if he just idolizes serial killers I'm just saying that's a red flag I'm just saying I'm just saying number 22 when he says I'll stay with you if you do this for me and it's something that compromises your boundaries that's a red flag if you have to sleep with him to keep he's not the one for you and I'm just saying that like cuz sex is good inside the Covenant of marriage sex is amazing but outside the covenant of marriage God says that's not right and if he's saying you got to do this in order to keep me that's a red flag number 23 if you're getting warnings from all the right people stop calling people haters in your life that love you those haters they don't even want me to be with you those haters keep telling us we need to break up that pastor Paul he's a hater talking about red flags don't listen to him there hey stop like there's good people in your life that love you that are saying we're not saying you can never date each other we're just saying maybe right now there's some things that need to be changed let's get in the men's discipleship track let's get in the women's just let's go to the walk it out let's start getting some things right in our life let's develop some healthy habits number 24 if you still have feelings for someone else or he or she still has feelings for someone else it's probably not the best time to enter into a very serious relationship because they're still dealing with the love and the romance and the feelings they have for that person in the past and number 25 final point here when you have a very unhealthy amount of doubt you can't sleep at night you're cold sweat it's scaring you can't even work can't even think that's a red flag not meaning that it can never happen just mean right now you need to stop and pray and maybe just seek some wise counsel in your life all right you can breathe now the 25 red flags are over you're still here you're still alive not everybody got up and left and went to the bathroom let me finish this with this last night I think this is the most important part of the sermon right here what do I do now that I know there's red flags here and married people I'm coming for you next week I'm coming for the couples in the room me too I've got some stuff that we need to talk about but for singles in the room start with yourself start with you instead of looking at the speck and everyone else's eyes start with the log and you what is some red flags that I'm starting with the man in the mirror so now that I know there's red flags out there I'm looking is there some in me number two stop blaming it all on Delilah like own the fact that there could be some things in you that are enjoying being around this person with red flag it could be that your red flags are connecting with their red flags and there needs to be some red flags from God that says let's separate for a season let's get things right let's take some time to seek the Lord you go to church together go to discipleship class together push pause for a second while you're dating and number three address the mess if there's smoke don't wait for the fire I tell this to our staff members especially working with our youth and our kids if you smell smoke from a volunteer don't wait for the fire don't wait til I get a phone call from a police officer I want to address the smoke the second there's smoke we need to deal with the mess we need to stop pretending like it's not there let's stop closing our eyes and hoping that nothing bad happens let's deal with the mess number four get rooted in God's house be faithful somewhere be faithful somewhere lean in choose to commit to a church and and go when it's not easy going you don't like it develop consistency in God's house develop faithfulness there number five get wisdom get wisdom from God's Word God's people godly Mentors if you're seventeen years old and all the wisdom you're getting is from your peers go to someone who's twice your age who's lived a little bit longer than you go to some of these amazing mighty men and women of God that have been married for twenty thirty forty fifty years go to Crane grant and just say hey can you give me some wisdom as I'm a single girl single guy trying to do it right trying to have a healthy relationship don't just get wisdom from your peers go get wisdom from godly mentors number six set boundaries for who you will date and how you will date set boundaries for the kind of guy this you're gonna date set boundaries for the kind of girl that you're gonna do set boundaries for how you're going to date them not just who you will day but how you will do we're not gonna have sex till we get married that's so old-fashioned Paul no it's the Bible the one who created sex is the one who said this and I think he's got the right to say it more than fifty Shades of Grey or Magic Mike I think God's the one that knows what's best for our sex life and our love life set boundaries that are going to bring God glory and going to help you have healthy non toxic relationships number seven start serving why would you expect someone servant's heart and marriage that's not serving anywhere right now and why do you think you could be a great servant leader in marriage when you aren't serving anywhere and haven't served anywhere in a very long time get involved help people out open the door go help out at the soup kitchen downtown go serve at Salvation Army go serve somewhere get involved give out be generous help others and finally right here number eight go on dates with godly girls and guys I had someone come up to me after the last service Saturday night service and they said I'm scared I'm gonna end up dating Ted Bundy or Charles Manson and now I don't even want to go on dates and I said no don't be afraid like there's good godly guys out there there's good godly girls so go on some dates if you're grown up go this is not a serious to say I kissed dating goodbye this is a serious to say I'm giving godly dating the chance all right stand up to your feet all over this room you guys receive that word I pray that you listen you think about it watch it again listen to it again share it with a single friend talk it out in the connect group and say how can we pay attention to these red flags how can we protect each other protect our kids protect ourselves from getting in relationships that could be very toxic would you bow your heads and close your eyes all over this place the most important part of the sermon is right here and that's the decision time if you're here right now and there's some areas God is speaking to you on don't dismiss the red flags don't dismiss the warnings the prudent see danger and they take action the foolish keep going and they suffer the consequences this is a time to address the mess if there's smoke deal with it before there's a fire if you're noticing there's some issues in you maybe you haven't forgiven some people who hurt you maybe you're holding on to some wounds maybe you're holding on to some past feelings toward someone and gods saying it's time to move forward there's new relationships waiting for you but you're gonna have to release some things that you've been holding on to from your past if you're here right now you say Paul I've got some areas in my life that needs some major growth some improvements some change in order for me to be a godly healthy man or woman in these relationships God's called me to step into if God's speaking on any of that I want you to just lift your hand up today to say I need to grow in this I need to surrender this to the Lord this attitude this issue of control this unforgiveness yeah hands going up from the front to the back you're not alone the Bible says all of us have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God none of us are perfect but we can all continue to grow and become like Christ if we're willing to repent and say Lord start with me secondly you here today you say Paul I'm not right with Jesus I want him to be the Lord and Savior of my life I want to go to heaven I want to know my name is written in the book of life if that's you today's your day this is a great time to surrender your life to Jesus if that's you would you raise your hand just all over the strips say yeah I'd like to let Jesus be Lord of my life today's your day to do it awesome awesome I want to do something before we leave I felt in my heart in the last service that we are to pray for every single in the room if you're over the age of 13 and you're single I want to pray for you I want to pray for your future relationships your future marriage and I want to ask you to just step out from your room if you're a single guy a single girl would you come and stand at this altar if you're over the age of 13 even if you're dating someone come down with the guy you're dating the girl you're dating why not bring it to the altar and say let's get God involved in this floor let's invite the Holy Spirit to lead us more let's lean into this series and let's address the areas that we need to grow in and address the questions that we need to talk about yeah could could you cheer on every single guys single girl in the room today come close come close come on barkis I believe that this church is blessed with amazing guys and girls and I believe 2019 is going to be a year of fulfillment I truly believe it some of you godly guys godly girls that have been praying to find the right mate find the right person I believe 2019 is going to be a year of fulfillment and it's gonna require you to go all-in with God and say Lord I'm gonna trust you in this they're still coming still coming can we keep cheering they're still coming from the very back come on [Applause] whether you're 20-something 30-something 40-something fifty something whether you're a teenager if you have a desire in your heart to dream in your heart to have a healthy marriage one day maybe you're here today and you've been divorced and you're saying Paul I want to believe that God can restore I want to believe that God can give me a healthy marriage in the future I've been hurt I've been broken but I'm willing to bring it to God I believe God can do it I believe God can bring healing restoration I believe God can give a fresh start the right man the right woman in your life so with your just values close your eyes to just kind of lift your hands up at the front of this altar in Jesus name Lord I pray for every guy and every girl and I want to get some strong married couples standing behind beside some of these singles all over this altar god I pray Lord just that this would be a year of purpose a year of destiny God if there's areas in their life that they need to grow in things they need to get rid of god I pray that you give them the courage and the strength to address the mess to deal with it got to look internally first to say God helped me to grow into who you've called me to be lord help me to see the areas that you're calling me to work on Lord I submit my attitude to you my heart to you my thoughts to you my ways to you the people that I date God helped me to have eyes to see ears to hear a heart to receive and lord I pray that you would direct their steps the Bible says that the steps of a righteous man a righteous woman are ordered by God so lord I pray they'd be in the right place doing the right thing with the right people and God I pray that as they're serving you as they're following after you they would look to the left they'd look to the right they noticed that godly guy that godly girl running right beside them that's going after you as well Lord I pray that they would have divine relationships God that they would be surrendered to your will your way I pray for protection deliver them from the wrong relationships deliver them from the wrong people deliver them God from toxic thoughts toxic beliefs in Jesus name hey I pray that message spoke to you encouraged you and reminded you God has a plan for your life and listen if you have some red flags in your life or in a relationship I challenge you don't wait till there's a fire if there's smoke address the mess go and face it have a conversation have a confrontation talk it out with that person if they really love you and if you really love them with the God kind of love you'll be willing to be honest and talk it out and work it out and listen we're praying for you we're here for you any way we can be you're gonna continue to see each part of this message uploaded online parts two parts three parts four so stay connected watch the whole series share it with your friends share it with the person you're dating talk it out have those conversations as you're listening to the red flags say hey is that in US is that in our relationship and let's continue to have healthy relationships the world needs healthy relationships you need healthy relationships and it's a promise from God that he came to give us life life more abundantly and that is for our relationships for our marriages so listen I'm praying for you I love you your best days are right in front of you and I believe God's not finished with you yet so let's continue to grow and who God's called us to be and I'll see you back here next time god bless much love

Channel: Victory Tulsa

Views: 25,021

Rating: 4.9437499 out of 5

Keywords: victory tulsa, paul daugherty, red flags, sermon for singles, how to find the right one, relationship advices, sermon on relationships, dating in church, sermon on dating, how to date right, find the one, valentines sermon, preaching about love, sermon for teenagers, young adults dating advice, how to find the one, sermon on relationship, dating sermon, relationship sermon, red flag, dating, single, singles, marriage, married life, relationship goals, love, fake love

Id: uGuuafMJa7g

Length: 50min 9sec (3009 seconds)

Published: Sun Feb 03 2019