Rebuilding after divorce | How to rebuild your life after losing everything

hey guys mark here and today we're going to take a look at helping out Pete on this channel I love to help people fast track a comeback from a serious life setback so if you're new to the channel welcome to make sure you hit the subscribe button and you can download all the content I'll be referring to to help Pete out today in the descriptions panel below you'll see some links to some content which I'll refer to so make sure you go to that and up next we'll talk about Pete situation and how we can help him Pete writes hi mark I'm 45 years old I'm divorced living in a small run-down rental property I've got two children I see every second weekend a son Zack who's 15 and my daughter Sally who's 12 I run a building company and it's struggling I recently had to put off three people I'm under financial pressure and I'm wondering how I'm gonna keep the doors open to support my children I get to the gym a few times a week I know I should look after myself better but the reality is it's hard when I feel lonely and lack confidence and emotional energy to make any real change I'm overweight I eat badly and I drink too much I go to the pub a couple of times a week and catch up with a few mates I relate to that because I did the same thing when just soon after my divorce I caught up with a few mates and did it for quite a while and I snapped out of it eventually and I'll share how I did that in a minute but he said we're all pretty much in the same boat we drink we share war stories and we lick our wounds together I don't have anyone else I can really talk to I have a sister Michelle she's married to a super successful business guy and I feel intimidated just talking about him I have had a couple of short-term relationships since my divorce mainly with people I met on tinder I've got no idea of what the future holds I don't like to think too far ahead right now I just feel like I'm on a treadmill and I'm fed up with it so Pete I know here feel because I felt the same way and hopefully share a few things here over the next few minutes that can help you break out of this cycle of of you're basically you're down you're disheartened and you're depressed and you're still coping with the reality of what's happened to you with your relationship divorce so Pete the first thing we've got to change is some habits and you know I understand exactly where you're at I was there for a long time I after my divorce and business collapse it all happened within a number of weeks I ended up having to move into a small rundown farm house two-bedroom cottage on my parents farm because I had nowhere else to go and it was interesting because I lived five minutes from the local country hotel in this small town there was one pub and one shop and that was it and so for fun and for social for an hour social outing the pub was the only option so I get there a couple of times a week and just talk to guys and talk to the mates that I developed there in the hotel and and you know you listen to other people's stories and you can find connection around the struggle no doubt about it people have got interesting stories particularly in a pub environment but I knew in the end I couldn't keep up with this lifestyle B I knew I could start to feel myself aged quick you know I wanted to break out of this cycle of depression that I was in because there was no answers I didn't feel like I was getting any apart from sympathy from other guys who have been through similar situations so so the first thing is number one you've got to change some habits and if you don't change see nothing changes unless something changes for me I had to start with small wins just small small wins to break the cycle of the same old same old you know slide down this slippery slope of drinking too much and associating with people who didn't really have any answers apart from talking about their own problems and look thank God for those guys because I felt like at least I could talk to someone but in the end you have to find people that can speak life into your situation and for sometimes you know sometimes those people are really hard to find and so I had to dig deep just like you'll have to dig deep pit and make a decision to what I used to call get off the canvas right I had to you know when you've been knocked down with a knockout punch yet on the floor right now you're in the campus I was on the canvas for a long time at least a year just licking my wounds like you working out how I could ever get back and rebuild could I do it and I had a lot of self-doubt and I'd lost my confidence and it sounds like you're in a little bit of a similar situation right so make a decision that I have to change my in I have to break the inertia and break the habit cycle of what's not working right now so start with small wins now for me you know I just made a decision that I wasn't going to drink as much I was gonna try and get fit right these are things I had control over the decisions that I I could I could make myself and then back up with some action to see some results and see some habit changes and what I was after here and what I read about was the importance the important thing to achieve was to change your habits right so little wins right not big change big lifestyle habits but small the things I could control and they were in my case not drinking as much and trying to get fit and by that I just started to run two or three times a week that was my initial goal and then I thought well every time I felt like a drink I would go for a run and that that was it was hard initially obviously when you change your habit because it is hard but it's amazing how quick you can develop a new habit and then though that little habit that is now created gives you confidence and more out of the little teeny-weeny bit of confidence to change some other habits in your life and by that you begin the process of rebuilding just by by succeeding and developing some new habits around some small things that you can control so the next step is to write down spend some time writing down what it is that you do want right now we know what you don't want right but what is it that you do want and I say that because you know so many times we look at the current situation and I was there for a long time where I was I knew what I didn't want I didn't want I didn't want to feel this way I didn't want to feel lonely I didn't want to feel stressed I didn't want to have the struggle day-in day-out of having no money so I knew what having money was like because I thankfully I had a I had a taste of that in business and but when I lost it all I went from having a reasonable lifestyle to having a lifestyle which was down here so I went from the penthouse to the outhouse these days I've rebuilt stronger than I ever have been in my life financially family in all areas but to go from here to here and then back to up to here requires you know you have to understand it's a cycle right it's a journey that you're on if you've come from here and now you're down here this is the valley this was the mountaintop now you're in the valley the main thing is when you're going through a hard time don't stop right when you're going through hell don't stop continue to just focus ah negative trying to work out what you do want what is it that you want right in your in in five key areas of life because I had to simplify it make it real simple number one my family what did I want from my family now obviously some things in my family life would never be the same again but I had to start to think about what I didn't want when it came to my children and any future relationship that I'd end up being involved in and I took me a long time to get to a place where I could actually decide to commit to anything in that in that space ever again but family my fitness my finances these are all f-words actually my faith right now you may have a faith you may not I'm not sure if for this exercise don't worry whether you do or whether you don't but your faith life and the last bundle is fun what do you want to do for fun what makes you what what do you enjoy and what would you like to do more odds so write these things down make sure that they are specific and make a list you know as if you couldn't fail what would you do with your family your fitness your finance your fun and your faith right these are key areas of life that you really need to have some clear mental pictures of what you want because then that leads the next step and that change to the feelings right the feeling is that we start to find feelings of encouragement and inspiration and we start to feel like maybe even intimidation sometimes because we don't like thinking about things we want because that right now we don't have a way to get to where we want to go financially there's a lot of these things do take money right but don't worry about that the vehicle on how to get to where you want to be will present itself but the first step is you've got to work out where you want to be okay so many people think about their future in terms of world based on what I have right now how how far can I go it's more changing it around flipping it around and going what do I really want and how do I create then a vehicle to get me to where I want to want to go so that's making sure that you understand you want first which changes your thoughts which then changes your feelings right so thoughts become feelings then we act on our feelings so then feelings become actions and actions become our new reality right so it's thoughts feelings actions reality so being intentional around what it is you want is very important and writing these key things down the next step is to have a have a framework of how you're going to make that happen we starting to think about our dreams and writing them down on paper because nothing really dynamic happens unless it is specific and written down on paper so what it what are the dreams that you have right so the next step is want you to find your dreams across the five key areas of life faith family fitness finance and fun what it what is it you do want the next step then is to create some goals across those five key areas and to help you do that of in the descriptions panel below I had a link to a one page document it's like a blueprint which has across the top those five key areas faith family fitness finance and fun and then down the slide we have time frames you know 1 year 2 year 3 year 4 years and 5 years so you know we wait where would you like to be in these 5 key areas of life in five years time and breaking it down to four years three years two years and one year and then from there you can even break it down into monthly and weekly so now you have a blueprint we've worked out what you want we've worked out goals because you know a dream without a goal is just a wish right you've got to have a date buy it where would I like to be in five years four years three years two years in one year and then even breaking down your one-year goal into monthly goals and then breaking and breaking down your monthly goals into weekly and daily goals so it's actually breaking them down now into bite-sized pieces and I'll put the link to this template in the descriptions panel below so you can download that to yourself and print it off and you can start to work on it so you dream your goal and then having a plan so this becomes now your plan this becomes a plan on how to this becomes a plan of action on what to do next in your success drive to your future and this will help you change your habits this will help you feel better about you and then making sure that once you've planned out your work you then work your plan that plan your work work your plan so it's a matter of narrow of backing up the plan with massive action and prioritizing your time as to instead of spending time at the pub you spend time now working on your plan working on your dream working on your goal start sharing your goal with your children that'll inspire them to - to help you and support you and that will inspire them in life to have their own dreams and goals right so nice let me play a positive impact on their life which is very exciting plan your work and you work your plan and you back it up with massive action that will eventually become your new reality okay so it's having your plan and then backing it up with action right there's no doubt you can work Pete you've proven that right you're just at the moment you aren't discouraged and I'm convinced that if you can just change your thoughts which will change your feelings which then changes your actions which develop new habits they will become your new reality but the other thing to do is in the descriptions panel below I've got my ten bold steps there's a ten bold steps that I took to rebuild my life after my marriage and business collapse if yours free to download just by clicking on my website theme are quite calm click on the link I'll ask you for your email address and then I'll send those out - via email directly into your inbox ten bold steps that I talk to help me fast-track and rebuild my life after a marriage and business collapse they're yours to download free so make sure you hit the subscribe button and the notifications bell and if you have any questions on what them the content I've covered today make sure you leave those questions in the comments section below until next time I'll see you on the next video

Channel: Mark Waite

Views: 13,727

Rating: 4.9156628 out of 5

Keywords: rebuilding your life after divorce, rebuilding after divorce, life after divorce, life after marriage, men dealing with divorce, life after divorce for men, rebuilding your life after it all goes wrong, life after divorce for women, starting over after divorce, how to get over a divorce for men, start a new life after divorce, recovering from divorce, life after divorce for a man, how to rebuild your life after losing everything, starting over, how to start over in life

Id: B0KKHJ0ykiE

Length: 15min 26sec (926 seconds)

Published: Mon Nov 11 2019