Where Do I Start After A Divorce?

Allen starts off this hour in Sacramento hey Alan how are you good how are you sir better than I deserve how can I help well I'd like to thank you first of all he kind of helped save my life in a way you're you're too calm radio voices suit my turbulent life a little so thank you I'm going through kind of an ugly divorce I've been in California for two years we've got here with my family I have four kids uh I I my ex-wife took all the money out of savings like I literally have no furniture my I'm gonna be moving my mother out here into in like two months and she is going to put a downpayment down on a house and we're we're gonna live together I just don't know what to do my new job has a 401k that I haven't started yet I have an old 401k but I'm not sure if I'm going to get the entire proceeds because you know my ex took all the savings we're still working on that I was just wondering do I cash out the 401k to furnish a new house when I get it or and I'm also going to be taking a small loan for the new house in between 50 and 80 from what I've been working at like I just don't know where to start sir okay hold on yeah I'm 45 mm what do you like right now I'm making 50 okay how long were you married 18 years mm-hmm I'm sorry well I can I can hear the heartbreak in your voice and it sounds like you've been through a really really tough process emotionally very touched sir anytime someone is in that kind of a situation it is a death of sorts sometimes it's a real death but in this case it's the death of an 18 year dream marriage right but in a time there's a death of magnitude meaning it's close to you so it has an impact on you like this one has had on you it is very unwise to make large decisions while you're in the gumbo like for instance let's say a lady calls me on the hair and she's been married 50 years and her husband died three weeks ago and she wants to go buy a house with her son I would tell her no bad idea it could be a good idea it is a really bad time for you to be making big house decisions and you're going in partners with your mommy after your wife just know this has got bad medicine not a chance I would not do this here's here's the thing two days my mother's getting up there in years she's 80 so one of you had a house and the other one lived there but I would not do a partnership that you're tied into and three years from now something happens you have siblings like I know I do I have a sister who lives in New York town and so she decides she wants to call a claim on this house your own part of this is just a messy legal thing that you're getting ready to enter into it could be that your heart heals and you want to get remarried but you feel stuck with your mom four years from now I don't know but I don't mind you taking care of your mom if she needs care and if she wants to buy a house and you stay with her for a while and care for her and help her in the transition until the next phase of your life opens up that's an OK thing but going in partners and you taking out a loan and her taking out a loan and y'all be on the same deed I would not do that I also would not put money in a 401k right now I'd not put money in anything except in a bank account piled up or in cash piled up in a tackle box under your bed I don't care until this divorce is 100% final and you know exactly where you stand then you would restart your baby steps okay but anything you start right now could be gotten ahold of by her in this settlement and I'm not saying hide stuff from her but I am saying you just need to be very very liquid it's a big pile of money covers a lot of time for you to heal and and time for you to work through this grieving process because dude I can hear it in your voice this knocked you on your back so completely I moved out here for her because you want to take care of her grandmother with our four kids yeah and I have no family out here I have no friends I feel completely abandoned yeah but the thing to Dave is I have two minor kids mmm still and it'll be some Charles Taylor I need I need a child support as a thousand a month for everything spousal support child support but furnitures now that animart furnitures not that big a deal and you don't need to cash out 401ks and you know have all the penalties just to get some furniture you're a single guy again you go to a garage sale and you buy an old leather couch and you throw it into one bedroom apartment and you sleep on it life's okay it's a temporary thing this time next year you'll be set up somewhere doing something but don't you don't need to rush in to furnish a whole freaking house you're a single guy if your mom wants to furnish a house she's buying she can do that and you can live there and take care of her and that would give you a safety net for emotionally to heal but you don't need to go in debt you don't need to be borrowing money to buy a house you don't need to be cashing out 401ks you don't need to be making big decisions make it so many small decisions as you can and give yourself some time I went visited my friend a few years ago who'd had a massive car wreck when I walked into the room you could hardly recognize him he got t-boned and it smashed the whole side of his face in end up losing one of his eyes he was so all over I thought I was in the wrong room I didn't recognize him and I've known the guy for 15 years and that's what you sound like it took him a little while for the swelling to go down it took him a little while to recover from that car wreck it took him a little while to not flinch at every stoplight it takes a little while to heal from a major car wreck and that's what you're going through man give yourself some room don't make major decisions in the middle of this don't buy houses don't cash out 401ks don't go get loans do go find a good local church you just told me you're alone and there's no reason for you to be alone there's some great wonderful houses of worship that will put their arms around you all over Sacramento I know a bunch of them and they'd love to be your family right now while you're hurting

Channel: The Ramsey Show - Highlights

Views: 41,846

Rating: 4.9494309 out of 5

Keywords: the dave ramsey show, budget money debt cash, real estate, insurance, how to make money, dave ramsey, save, credit card, compound interest, buying house, buy, snowball, where do i start over after divorce?, divorce, life, divorce advice, love, starting over, marriage, life after divorce, relationships, family, finances, real, how do i start over after a divorce?

Id: v6dQgM7Q9oU

Length: 7min 24sec (444 seconds)

Published: Sat Apr 13 2019