r/Dankmemes | pov: you jaywalked

i'd do anything for this suit anything good lord what the hell when a thief breaks into your house looking for money here man i'll look with you maybe if we find something we can split it you like ramen eating sushi with chopsticks eating sushi with your hands eating sushi with a fork the best part is whenever i bring sushi home i don't have any chopsticks here because i have botany yet so i just eat it with a fork because i'm not gonna eat it with my goddamn hands i've got a sneaky suspicion if i ever went to japan and ate sushi there they would readily give me a fork over watching me eat it with my goddamn fingers version 1.0 version 2.0 version 2.1 we have to continue this meme with the naming standards of usb version 2.1 generation 3 point a mcflurry mcfurry this better not awaken anything in me professor only one person failed me yep i'm so sorry everyone have i ruined it for the rest of you [Laughter] season changes my nose breath was never an option you fool and it's about to get so much better as we go into wildfire season the scariest things on earth darkness clown sharks killers death not feeling your phone in the pocket yeah i can definitely confirm that one though literally right before my first international trip ever a couple of years back i left my phone in the damn car i did not drive my car to the airport so i had a bit of a heart attack oopsy poopsy teacher you can't hear pictures the pictures i can hear two of these the other two i guess i'm not cultured enough to get twitter users i'm leaving twitter this is the seventh time today you said you were gonna use another platform but he's got my space in his hands though we don't no myspace is gone i mean at least what we remember of it if you want myspace in its true original form you go to space hey bro add me on space hey everybody new zealand government in 2015 2016 okay kiwis send in your designs and we'll vote on our new flag what the majority of voters chose what the majority of people who've spent five seconds on the internet would choose yeah come on your whole country had the chance to change your flag to something perfect why this why this can any new zealanders in the comments tell me now i know mk is primarily an australian run deal but come on we've gotta have some kiwis around here right notification on your youtube comment it's a bot that replied to your comment that is annoying sometimes i'm annoyed just in general that someone replied to my youtube comment because half the time it has nothing to do with what i just said me swallows a whole tablet without drinking water the samsung store employee the the what the samsung samsung has stores now too my grandfather selling me his house for a dollar me finally able to afford to live under a roof with a bed the real estate agent who gets five percent commission you have two days to live i think i want a second opinion you have 172 000 seconds to live that's a much bigger number start counting friend you're looking for music you find a good 90s one the song is wholesome your dad recognizes it the singer is still alive oh that's always nice isn't it look at amazon's amazing range of anime movies i mean i'd give them a try that's the beautiful thing about anime there are no restrictions on what the hell it can really be dentist have you been flossing me every day also me i knew who it was gonna be i knew it and i'm still surprised look at that dude's teeth when you live alone and you hear your toilet flush yes that is what toilets do and what they sound like who's taken a dookie in your house the year is 2002. you and the buddies are eating bagel bites and mountain dew then goku throws the spirit bomb and nah dude i don't i don't uh i don't i don't relate to dragon ball when you finally reheat your wings from last night but don't have any ranch or blue cheese in the house well looks like you're screwed how do you feel huh how do you feel sad me so where are you getting that information from them the experts the experts step family only fans the hell you talking about what people think arguing on the internet is like what it's actually like i mean i'm gonna need some coffee for this sub today man last thing a man sees after clogging a toilet in gotham whoa whoa whoa whoa look it's just a clogged toilet we don't have to call this batman of all the bat men to be calling we don't need to call this one okay uh get me the one that's not as unhinged and crazy and just all around goofy you're hungry and you drink water 10 seconds later wait what what does this mean i'm out of the loop here with such memorable classics like this is why you don't have friends you're too sensitive can't you take a joke no one else would ever love you ah the gaslight varieties the happy music of the gay nineties when i don't want the doctor to do much ah dr doolittle what a weird project for him to do right after avengers man what a weird thing and it was a bad movie too i am the lorax and i speak for the trees daddy lorax i might be the lorax but i don't speak for this tree guys come on come on man that's not even a truffula tree truffle that's right right memers florida man is the most insane people out there also florida man florida man spends his one day off cleaning forgotten veterans tombstones what a dude just what a goddamn guy where are all the good florida man headlines i'm sure there are a bunch out there redditors after saying elon bought twitter for 44 billion when they got it for free you have entered the comedy area oh elon you silly doofus my mom you've been in the shower for 20 minutes what's going on me wondering if cutting off mike wazowski's legs would be amputating him or beheading him oh i don't like thinking about that it kind of hurts my brain i'll be honest with you amputating or beheading him well it's the act of taking the legs off not the head you're not taking his head off necessarily it's kind of like a a glass half full situation you know is it half empty or half full well it depends was i drinking it or filling it i don't know who is amber and what she heard and at this moment i am too afraid to ask you don't need to remember her name or know anything about her [ __ ] her man gentlemen it is with great displeasure to announce that the mario movie got delayed to april of 2023 good when i hear a movie like that is getting delayed i get really happy because all i could think is oh they have more time to make sure that this isn't the worst thing we've ever seen it could still be but at least they're putting in more effort when you insult elon musk in a mean tweet and suddenly your tesla asks for your twitter login i swear to god man netflix ads users why are people unsubscribing it also doesn't help that they're canceling what what do they say 90 95 of their animation when that hot girl you like sends nudes instead of memes bro what the [ __ ] i don't want that that's stupid make me laugh the perfect youtube video does not exist eating a 60 year old nuclear bomb all right these videos are starting to get out of hand man do you know how many calories a nuclear bomb would be me figures out obama's last name fbi the illuminati will see you now will they do they have an office somewhere that i can go see i will say hearsay and objection as much as possible i will ask the defendant the same question four times for no reason i will object to my own question i'm a lawyer the reason he's asking the same damn question so many times is because his entire strategy relies on flustering johnny depp and making him screw up or become impassioned and say something he probably shouldn't oh yeah it's a terrible strategy because johnny ain't having any of that pens i actually pay money for brakes with a stiff wind harder to grip than a wet soap bar in prison last even less time than me actually cost money free ones at events last many months fits better in my hand the only reason i'm there built like a brick shut house oh dude free pens are the way to go unless you get a pack of those bic pens that you can rewind cassettes with those are the best in the world but the ones at events are pretty cool too especially if you go to an event like pax they give you metal pens man oh just because i'm italian doesn't mean i eat pasta every day i mean i eat pasta every day but not because i'm italian oh mine was bruce willis mine was britney spears how about you who was your first crush um wait who dad uh oh writing the paper based on something i'm interested in so it's easy to write and i get a good grade writing the paper based on something the teacher's interested in so i get favoritism points that's the play my parents he'll be a doctor no he'll be a politician my brother i want to be a fascist me who told him fashion designers are called fascists no your brother knows exactly what it means he's gonna be a real fascist and it's your fault when you're explaining why some rich dude buying a website's a big deal you city folk worry about a lot of dumb [ __ ] and you're superior to all of us because you live in the [ __ ] hills and that's it the sun rises roosters every [ __ ] day can you blame them can you really so get this amber heard right yeah i know you understand she's a terrible person and you heard me talk about her non-stop all year get this though she lost the bed while abusing good old johnny i hope that rots in hell so what are you doing after this nobody that one rpg character no more adventures i'm not going that way my girlfriend after i keep shouting fus rodol when i i need to ask you to stop that shouting it's making people nervous damn how the how old is this one dude oh man you just got to remember how old skyrim is you the nougat she tells you not to worry about what the hell where'd you get that bar man society if men would always be in the state of post clarity dude oh man not even a lie though holy crap if there was a way to be in that state forever society would be so far ahead buy low sell high but house sell high if nobody buy high mother of god you've cracked the code when you stop typing to let your friend finish typing but then he stops that's annoying too for sure but i hate someone asking me a question or asking me for clarity and in the middle of me answering they just send 14 more messages dude i'm a slow typer [ __ ] stop give me a goddamn second please me at the liquor store check out my my liver bank account and neighbors me all right that one's good but i could barely freaking read that mr meme author me making the exact plans to become successful my adhd bro get medicated bro how my girlfriend expects me to deal with any female who tries to talk to me maybe you gotta reevaluate that relationship teachers when the class is quiet teachers when the class is quiet after asking a question elon musk buys twitter for over 44 billion dollars the children working in tesla's cobalt mine who haven't eaten in days [Laughter] you know it's pretty crazy when someone with enough money to solve world hunger decides that instead of doing that i'm gonna buy a [ __ ] website a website that everybody hates when it's 2 a.m and you remember that you didn't study for a test you have that morning well looks like you're screwed buddy boy thieves breaking into someone's house on christmas an eight-year-old kid oh dude you better run your even number multiples of five tv volume yeah this is a requirement when a time traveling george washington sees people twerking for the first time i mean i get it welcome to alston please die slowly oh i don't want to do that though the creation of dog beautiful me when i see my friend with his friends no man you're only allowed to hang out with me this is [ __ ] me watching my fbi agent my russian hacker hey wait just a minute okay did i get assigned a russian hacker as well do i get to meet these guys people elon musk will make the world a better place also them oh hey it's the most disgusting thing i've ever seen good lord oh man

Channel: EmKay

Views: 330,101

Keywords: reddit, r/, subreddit, best of reddit, r/ top posts, top posts, top posts of all time, reddit top posts, 100% True stories, reddit true stories, top all time, reddit posts, reddit stories, ask reddit, funny reddit, emkay, memes, Dankmemes

Id: RdeR0_NS4Jw

Length: 13min 4sec (784 seconds)

Published: Thu May 12 2022