[whirring] [evil laughter] [metal clangs] [electronic dance music]
♪ And I believe I heard someone
say... free pizza? Yes. I have accumulated the precise
amount of coupons for one free Cosmic Crust pizza. What? You never said it was
Cosmic Crust pizza. Proximity alert. [yelps] [growls] A free Cosmic Crust pizza is
nothing to get excited about. The box has more flavor
than the pizza. Flavor is not my primary
objective, Ratchet. I find enormous satisfaction in
s to achieve output goals. Yeah, but Cosmic Crust? I mean, it's only popular
'ca. [laser fire] [loud explosion] Okay, I think I'm done. May we now resume
our primary mission? Secondary mission, Clank. Cardboard Crust does not qualify
as a primary mission. If it were up to me, we'd be
going for a nice slice of... [yelling]
Tentacle!!! [both screaming] Whoaaaa!!!! [thud] [thud] [thud] [thud] Computing a base of options. The only evasive option I need
is Mr. Throttle! [whirring] Perhaps an alternate course
of action. I'm not done yet. [screeching] So, do we need to discuss
the giant tentacle that just tried to yank us
into oblivion? Curious. It emerged from a short-term
inter-dimensional portal. Portal technology? [gasps] Imagine what we could do
with that. Ratchet, I hope you're not... Tracing the energy signature
of that hyper tech so I can nab it for myself? Great idea, Clank. No, it is not. I have spent many solar cycles
aggregating pizza coupons. It is very important... Found it! Huh? Oh dear. No, Ratchet.
You promised. Come on, Clank.
This'll be fun. For you, yes. Your activities always take
precedence over mine. Okay, not true. I mean, yeah look,
what about that time, um... Well, okay...
And you know... I mean, this is going
to be quick. We'll just fly in,
take a quick look, see what... [gasps] The well fortified,
nigh impervious base of galactic super villain
Doctor Nefarious... Oh dear. [forceful stomping] First, he brought you the
world-shattering Deplanetizer, then the soul-crushing
Biobliterator. Now, here to reveal
his mol and just downright
nasty invention, give a big warbot welcome to
your favorite evil overlord, DOCTOR NEFARIOUSSSS!!!! [dance music]
♪ [party horn] [apathetic cheering] Huh? [groans] [gasps] [enthusiastic applause] [cheering loudly] Thank you. Thank you all for coming to
my latest evil product launch! Wait, we had a choice? [puzzled grunt] Mindless minions behold, my most fearsome and dangerous
weapon yet! The Portalizer. Patent pending,
all rights reserved. [gasps] With this device,
I can rip portals in the very fabric of time
and space. Even into other dimensions. Oh, no. Oh yes! Come on, let's get closer. No, Ratchet. Such as... the dimension of
man-eating kittens. [mews] The land where robots grow
body hair. Ooh! [laughs excitedly] I'm guessing...
the Calamari Quadrant? And finally, a domain brimming
with creatures so ruthless, so bloodsucking, so terrifying,
they'll make your head spin. My most recent discovery... [dings softly] [groans] [laughing] [metal clanging] ZED!!! I told you to make sure
this thing was charged up. Did you calibrate it properly,
sir? Calibrate it properly?
I'll calibrate you! But did you set it
to inter-dimensional instead of local? [annoyed groan] Of course I set it
to inter-dimensional. [yelps]
Ah. As I was saying. The Pizzaverse! The pizza what now? Now say hello to... [grunts] A 367 topping pizza. Now that's a pizza. Ratchet, wait. Disgusting. No matter. With this Portalizer,
I can access every corner
of the multiverse. Each dimension a smorgasbord
of minions to add to my nefarious ranks. [enthusiastically]
Hmm! To help me conquer
and rule all dimensions! And it comes with
this handy lanyard. Lanyard. Hey! Ratchet and Clank?
Seize them! Ratchet, what the... Oh. Less talky, more escapey. [growling] There is no escapey! Wait, is that even a word? It is now. [whirring] See ya later, suckers. [heavy thud] [laughs] Uh... And we're back. Somebody annihilate them! [whirring] [laser fire] [grunting] [metal crashing] Enough slap and tickle.
Find them! There they are, sir. Eh? My Portalizer! Noooo!!!!! [TV audio]
Lance: Oh Janice! Janice: Oh Lance! I don't care if you are
my best friend's evil twin brother... Oooooo!!!! [laughing] Yes! That was the best escape ever. [laughing] Uh-oh. A check sum of my coupon
storage indicates an error. I now have only nine units,
not 10. Really? Oh wow. I mean, you must have
lost one of them during our awesome escape. Well, that's too bad. It is far worse than bad. With only nine coupons, free pizza acquisition
is no longer an option. Oh, this never would have
occurred if we did not detour from our mission. Nah, come on. That was so cool though. And now we get a great pie
in the Pizzaverse. My distress is not
about the pizza, Ratchet. It is about my failure to
complete a numerical task. You want numbers? How about 367 layers
of deliciousness? Stop this, Ratchet. This device is too unpredictable
. Pizzaverse, here we come. [zapping] [gasps] It's... so... beautiful. [thuds] Hey, pizza? No, come back! Wait, Clank, what are you doing? Initiating control override. What? Cut! It! Out! Portaling into
an unknown dimension could imperil the entire galaxy. [grunting] All that to procure a pizza? Yeah, with 367 toppings. Now give me back
the control of my ship! Ratchet. You have ignored all of
my requests today, so now I am the operating
system. I will return control once we safely deliver this
Portalizer to the authorities. This is about you losing
that coupon, isn't it? No. It is about me protecting
our galaxy. [laughs] Yeah now, you know what I mean. You and your number
and functions and rules. Blech! Yuck! I mean, it's amazing
we get anything done when someone keeps getting his
. Invalid data. I do not wear undergarments. Metal or otherwise. Once this device is safe in
the Galactic Weapons Museum, we shall return to our quest
for pizza. Cosmic Crust barely qualifies
as pizza, and every time you eat it, you
. Ahhhhhh!!! Ugh! That guy. You're fired and take this
with you! You can't fire me. I am Captain Qwark. The galaxy's greatest hero. You need me more than
I need you. [mooing] Huh? [mooing] Wha? [mooing] [sobbing]
Oh, come on. Just give me another chance. I can be a sassy pizza cow. Moooo! Ulch! Whenever we run
into this doofus, he messes everything up. He annoys you, does he? Hmm. Oh, Captain Qwark, could you please accompany us
to the Weapons Museum? Clank, what are you doing? It is like you said earlier. [plays recording]
Come on, Clank.
This will be fun. A weapons museum? Sounds like you're on
an important mission to safeguard the galaxy. And keeping us all safe
is what I do best. [gasps] [engine roars] Huh? [loud explosion] [gasps] Come on, citizens.
Nothing to see here. [growls] Ugh, such a bad idea, Clank. [giggling] Where'd that idiot run off to,
anyway? Sorry guys. Almost forgot my associate. Never leave a man behind. So, what's so special about your
? It is a multi... Nothing! It's um, a Tedium Sorter. It tediously catalogues
your most boring memories into different shades of beige. Yee-awn. Whew. Actually, it is a multi-dimensional
access tool with the power to wreak havoc on the very fabric of time
and space. [bell dings] Mm? Ooooh, that sounds
like fun. But it's got to be protected so it won't fall into
the wrong hands. Right, Clank? Indeed. Device security
has been my goal ever since you carelessly
deployed it to acquire a 367 topping pizza
from the Pizzaverse. A pizza with 367 toppings? That's way better
than Cosmic Crust. I wonder if they need
a new spokesmodel. I, I mean uh, right this way. Welcome to the weapons vault! The most secure part
of the museum, thanks to dedicated guards
like Bruce here. [disgusted groan]
Ulch! All your favorite weapons
are right here. Oh my. The Buzzblade. The Warmonger. The Biobliterator. Hey, watch it! [loud zapping] Whoops! My bad, Bruce. [laughs] [zapping] [groans weakly] Of course that pales in
comparison to this baaaad boy. [zapping] [bleats] Come on, don't say that. Words hurt. Hmm. Perhaps we should secure
the Portalizer now. Once we initiate
the upload procedure, it will be catalogued
and securely stored. Good. We don't need
any more distractions. Distractions? There are plenty of distraction
weapons in this vault. For long term distractions,
nothing beats the Groovitron. If you're caught
in its blast radius, you'll boogie the night away. Need a quick distraction? Try the Taunter. [loud horn blaring] But my favorite is...
the Chimp-o-matic. [laser fire] [screeching] [cymbals crashing] No hard feelings, boys. You'll be back to normal
before you can say "lucrative endorsement deal." [groaning] [laughs] Faked 'em out with
the old Chimp-o-matic. Now let's see what this thing
can do. [zapping] It's so beautiful. Greetings, Pizzaverse. Say hello to your
new spokesmo... [grunts] [gasps] [playful trilling sounds] Well hello there,
little pizza toppings. You all look so happy
and yummy. Huh? [screaming] Same with you. And you. And you. Blech! No one likes pineapple
on pizza. I am King Topping, supreme
leader of the Pizzaverse. Really? Then you're just the one
I need to speak to about a unique
branding opportunity. Attack, toppings! Destroy him! [battle cries] And do it Pizzaverse style. With free delivery
to his doom! [toppings yelling] Stop that! [toppings growling] Can this really be happening? After years of eating pizza,
will pizza now eat me?! I can't believe he used
the Chimp-o-matic on us. I mean, who knows how much
trouble he'll cause? Ahhhhhh!!!!! [thud] Qwark! What did you do? Oh, nothing you two
can't handle. [screaming] Resistance is futile! Prepare to be annihilated. A pineapple? Apparently a very
angry pineapple. [yelling] Destroy him! [toppings shrieking] I mean, who puts pineapple
on a pizza anyway? Statistically speaking, the combination of sweet
and savory flavors are enjoyed by many. Statistically speaking,
I am not one of them. And by the way,
this is all your fault. On the contrary,
it is you, Ratchet, who obtained and misused
a Portalizer. [grunts] Whatever! Let's pound these pizza punks
before it gets any worse. [toppings growling] Furball and Scrappybot! Return my Portalizer now,
or suffer my wrath. Or we can just cut
to the wrath. [lasers blasting] It just got worse! [explosions] [screaming] [grunts] We sure could use that
Portalizer right about now! [heavy clanking] Negative. The Portalizer has proven
to significantly decrease our chances of survival. [grunting] If we just kept the Portalizer
to ourselves, none of this would've
ever happened. [toppings snarling] But you, Clank, you had
to bring us here. And you, Ratchet, you suck. Huh? What? [vacuum whirring] The suck cannon. Thank you for your assistance. [bleats] I shall retrieve more gadgets
from the Weapons Museum while you suck. No! I mean, that's what
I thought you meant. Sucks to be you. [laughs] [crashing] [heavy clanking] Let me pass, or I shall deliver a disabling
force upon your chassis. [laughing] Very well. Holo-Knuckles activate. [grunting] [grunting] [clanking] [laughs] [yelps] [screams] [clanking] Ugh! [chuckles] [groans] Hmm. Nothing to fear, citizens. Captain Qwark has got things
under control. Qwark, where's the Portalizer? I've got my top man on the job. He guards all of
my important stuff. Hey! [grunts] Huh? No! Don't leave me! Never leave a man behind! [sobs] [grunts] [engine whirring] Come on, Clank. We gotta speed this up. [chattering] [laughing] Ratchet, raise your cranium. What? Heads up. The Groovitron? I've determined that this weapon will provide the greatest
probability of success. [grunts] Well, it's better than nothing. Get ready to shake
your groove thang. [disco music]
♪ [laughing] ♪ Woo-hoo! Way to bring on the boogie,
Clank, thanks. No, it is I who should upload
e. Yeah, well, good things happen
when we work together. Agreed. And I accept your apology. Oh no, see, that wasn't
an apology. Yes. It was. No, I... [laser fire] They have upgrade
their defenses. But we can enter
the facility here. Okay. But how do we even get close
enough to reach that? I mean... Clank? [laser fire] Clank, what are you doing? It is called pulling a Ratchet. Entry port located. Nice move, buddy. You're almost there. Just a little to your right. [metal clangs] Ooh, too much. [groans] Oh... so much for improvising. [groans] You crazy little bot. Just get inside and
I'll create a diversion. Well, this isn't exactly
what I had in mind. [yelps] Oh. Look what the robots dragged in. A cat. Here, kitty kitty. Actually they carried me in,
and I'm a Lombax. Don't interrupt me
while I'm taunting you! Totally different species. Shh. Just saying. Silence! You are what I say you are,
and I say you are doomed. [cackling] [whispers]
Clank, you made it. Huh? Did you say something, furball? Oh uh, yeah. I said, "it'd be great to see "some more of your
evil product launch." Well, I really do love
my evil product launches. Zed! [yelps] [electronic dance music]
♪ Ulgh! Behold, a revolution
in evil tech. I present to you... [record scratches] Cardboard Qwark? Return my Portalizer, you pathetic promotional item
gone awry. Oh. My pizza coupon. Ooh! Scruffybot. Ow, woah, woah. I should've known you wouldn't
. For interrupting
my product launch, you will be the first to suffer
a very painful annihilation. Any last words? Hmm, no words, only a series
of letters and numbers. Hmm. SV-604. [gasps] [fanfare] Backup gloves. [laser charging] Now you've ruined
my product launch! [yelping] And you're ruining
my space statio- [TV audio]
Lance: Jat
friend's evil twin brother. I'm his... evil clone! Janice: I don't care if you're
an evil clone. Just hold me tight
and never let me go. [laughing] Wait, Ratchet. We have to go back. Why? So you can get this? [gasps] My pizza coupon. Grabbed it on the way out. You didn't think I'd forget
about you fulfilling system requirements to achieve
output goals, did you? ♪ [chomps] How dare you? [laughs] You'll have to forgive Bruce,
your highness. It's his first day as a sheep. We'll talk. My people will call
your people. It's safe to come out now,
citizens. Captain Qwark has saved you
all once again. [bleats] [cheering] Yeah, thanks for saving us
from a problem you created. You're welcome, citizen. Yeah, what a bonehead. You know, I still can't believe
you brought Qwark along just to mess with me. Yes. Operation payback complete. Now the Portalizer is secure
as and superheroes alike. Goodbye, 367 topping pizza. [sobs] [chuckles] And from hungry Lombaxs. [engine roars] Yeah, well, I guess a free
Cosmic Crust pizza is better than no pizza at all. Make that free and numerically
satisfying Cosmic Crust pizza. [laughs] Clank: Proximity alert. [crashing] Clank: You did that on purpose. Ratchet: Sorry. Couldn't resist. [TV audio]
Lance: Oh, Janice. Janice: Oh, Lance. Kiss me. [growling] [TV Audio continues]
-Oh, Janice!
-Nooo! Oh, Lance.
