Ranking Every Mario Kart 8 Track by How Safe It Is

Mario Kart is dangerous but you're in luck because I'm here to keep you safe today we'll be examining every track in Mario Kart 8 Deluxe and ranking them based on their level of safety so you can know what to look out for next time you're on the road after each track I'll take into account the frequency and severity of each safety infraction to come up with a rating out of 10 and at the end of the video we'll compile all of the ratings to see which track is the safest and which is the most dangerous alright let's kick it off with Mario Kart Stadium now these safety inspections there's certain things I'll be looking out for I'm looking for unsafe edges speed boosts and jumps I'm looking for any sort of dangerous creatures Vehicles objects or even environmental hazards and I'm seeing our first infraction right here well I do appreciate the safety cone it's not quite enough to make up for the unsafe nature of these speed boosts uh excuse me sir is this vehicle you're operating regulation I don't think it is the most dangerous part of Mario Kart Stadium though is this vertical Loop up here ending with a big flying jump over a gap I personally feel like they could have done without that but overall this is a pretty safe track 8.3 out of 10. here we are now at water park home of these uh beautiful fish pigs now from what I've gathered this is an amusement park so I'll assume they've gone through all the proper measures to make sure everything is safe here hmm so yeah it seems like this track is meant for people who can breathe underwater and believe it or not I am not a fish Pig so in order to make it through this one you'll have to hold your breath for a while and Dodge some underwater amusement park rides before finishing up the track with an unsafe flying jump water park is a 5.2 out of 10. next up we've got what has to be one of the most delicious tracks but how safe is sweet sweet Canyon first off we've got some frosting over on the right here which I imagine can't be very good for the tires but is it unsafe I'm not so sure the first real infraction comes from this big flying jump over some Ambiguously yellow liquid all right continuing on I really like the use of these ice cream traffic cones here I don't know what they're warning me about necessarily but they do look delicious okay I think I know what they were warning me about now now on to what I believe is some kind of bubble gum loop I don't know why they're be chocolate on bubble gum but regardless these are some unsafe edges uh-oh uh looks like the chocolate is attracted some unwelcome visitors sweet sweet Canyon is an unsafe track 4.9 out of 10. all right here we are way up in the sky at swamp ruins right away we've got some very unsafe edges and I don't know about you but I personally would prefer not Free Falling For Miles down to the surface so we're going to continue on now through another dimly lit cave we've got some unsafe speed boosts along the walls and oh that is definitely a safety violation Giants rolling stick all right outside the tunnel now what I'm gonna be doing here is purely for safety uh it's purely for safety demonstrations so please do not try this at home you know this place has got me thinking all of these thwomps all they know how to do is go up and down up and down do you think they ever desire more in life 5.7 out of 10. Back To The Ground now with Mario's circuit whoa looks like we got some jaywalkers here listen I get it there's not always a convenient crosswalk to get across the street but on a high-speed track like this that's just not safe for everyone involved hmm something about this bridge seems a little off to me okay uh yeah this is totally fine let's just continue on here towards the end of the track and that's what I'm saying about the jaywalking guys come on 8.1 out of 10. next up we've got Toad Harbor and I gotta say they're making a good impression right away with these traffic cones I like this stop sign too now I know I shouldn't be going that way okay this I'm not on board with though I'm also questioning the stability of these tents here I don't know what they're made of but it's honestly quite impressive how they're holding up now this part is interesting because if we go left here we'll see another stop sign which is great but I'm getting a strange unsafe feeling here overall though as long as you can avoid the trolleys this is a safe track 8 out of ten okay I know what you're probably thinking Haunted Mansion definitely unsafe but let's try to be objective here first of all these ghosts just seem to be minding their own business and more importantly they're not blocking any of the driving paths I'll admit this bumpy part is a bit unsafe and that Chandelier looks a little precarious but we're actually walled in pretty securely here all right I'm trying to give you guys the benefit of the doubt here but if you're trying to drown me I'm gonna have to mark that one down excuse me sir hmm I'm not sure what purpose these serve but I'm gonna go out on a limb and say they're not safe Twisted Mansion gets a 4.8 out of 10. here we are in shy guy falls where we've got a beautiful view but this ledge seems a little unsafe so I'm just gonna back up here okay here looks like we've got a waterfall that is rotating to become horizontal I don't feel great about having to jump over it but let's just hope it doesn't get any more dangerous than that you know the name of the track is starting to make a whole lot of sense now given that half this track is either jumping over waterfalls or driving up and down them I'd label this as an unsafe track 5.3 out of 10. onto Sunshine airport now and I gotta say this is probably the least crowded airport I've ever seen okay so I'm going to Dolphin Shoals next I hope my flight wasn't delayed alright so it looks like we are going to be driving through an airplane here just uh don't make eye contact with the pilots uh keep our head down and keep driving so this is an interesting Runway I assume this is meant for planes but I don't quite understand the purpose of this Loop up here regardless this is definitely not safe all that's left to do now is fly back down directly towards an ascending plane and give Sunshine airport a 6.6 out of 10. all right so we caught our flight to Dolphin Shoals the bad news is that it dropped me off directly under water now what I want to know is how come these toads got snorkels but the official safety officer wasn't provided one and it's a shame because most of this track takes place underwater I don't think I have to explain how this part is unsafe hmm you're an interesting looking dolphin this is a very unsafe track 4.2 out of 10. you know I could have sworn this place was called Electro Dome like we're in some kind of big music Dome or something but I just found out it's actually electrodrome I don't know what a Drome is but I hope it's something safe and right on cue we've got some nice neon green traffic cones here I would like to see some more guard rails though I personally would prefer not grouping around in this Capri Sun looking liquid throughout the track we've got some very sporadic use of guard rails but besides that the only other safety concerns are this big jump near the end and these ravers who are a little over aggressive and fighty for my taste Electro drone home gets a 7.1 out of 10. it's a beautiful sunny day here at the top of Mount Wario and I know driving down a steep snowy icy Mountain doesn't sound very safe but let's find out for sure first of all I want to give a shout out to whoever put up all of these Mount Wario safety rails along the side here they're not the most effective but the thought was there and I appreciate that as you would expect though there are a lot of unsafe edges on this mountain and I don't know what's going on here maybe some sort of man-made Dam or something but whatever it is it is not safe okay my gut is telling me I shouldn't be driving a car down a ski slope but hey at least this is much safer than before I'm gonna give Mount Wario a 5 out of 10. all right back up to the sky now with Cloud top Cruise right away we've got some really sturdy Beanstalk rails I don't know why they excluded this one section on the right here but let's continue on for now over this uh floating bouncy castle as you would guess falling from this height would not be good so let's try to stay safe by uh flying directly into a thunderstorm yeah that's not my finest uh safety decision right there I gotta say this has got to be the worst cruise I've ever been on 4.9 out of 10. on to bone dry dunes and while there is some dangerous quicksand close to the sides I gotta say they have some pretty nicely paved roads here for being in the middle of nowhere also check out these nice looking blankets really sturdy too let me tell you they could use some more blankets over here because these edges look really unsafe uh excuse me sir do you happen to know any blanket makers or from there we've just got a big flying jump over this uh bouncy quicksand and I'm gonna give bone dry Dunes a 6.3 out of uh all right Bowser's Castle now I don't want to judge a book by its cover but these lava fountains aren't filling me with confidence about the safety of this place ah yep okay it looks like we got a classic case of uh there's lava everywhere all right safety tip for any of you aspiring track designers out there I would actually recommend not putting rotating fireballs and uh giant swinging spike balls onto your track let's keep going though maybe it gets better from here right Bowser's Castle has a lot of work to do 2.1 out of 10. okay so we made it to outer space here on Rainbow Road and the first thing I'm gonna mark down here is suffocation right away I'm seeing a lot of unsafe edges here and that's basically the story of this entire track lack of oxygen and the Perpetual fear of falling and drifting off into the deep empty void of space Rainbow Road gets a 1.9 out of 10. it's a beautiful late afternoon here at Mumu Meadows we've got some cows behind fences on both sides of the road which I like we've also got what I assume to be a world record for the largest milk bottles ever created while I do appreciate the cow crossing sign here this is where we start to run into some issues first of all I don't know how all of these cows got through the fences second of all why aren't the farmers here even trying to round them up are there even any farmers at all or do the cows run this place this is just simply not safe but that's not all because it looks like we've got a gopher problem here too they've definitely got a couple things to work on here but overall this is a safe track 8.5 out of 10. onto GBA Mario circuit where the main attraction is this big elevated Loop the lifts that are supporting them seem pretty sturdy to me but the lack of guard rails up here is just a careless oversight once we get back down on land though the rest of the track is pretty safe overall and shout out to whoever put cones in front of this oil spill maybe from now on you should be in charge of Designing giant elevated Sky Loops 8.1 out of 10. next up we've got cheap cheap beach and right away I got a question the safety of this bridge I'm not feeling too confident about its stability but let's carry on for now oh that's a nice welcoming sign I guess it's customary here to greet new guests by launching them off a ramp over some water now in general I don't recommend driving on Sand I also don't recommend driving near giant crabs but as long as you're aware of your surroundings and avoid getting stuck in any mud pits this track is actually on the safer side 7.7 out of 10. now I know what you might be thinking Toad's Turnpike is definitely going to be dangerous because of all the traffic but if you pay attention to the other cars you'll notice how all of them are driving very safely below the speed limit so as long as you're careful check your rear view mirrors when changing lanes and use one of the many breakdown Lanes when necessary this will be one of the safest drives in the game as long as you avoid whatever this is on the side here 8.2 out of 10. alright we made it out to dry dry desert and looks like we got some friendly looking spiky creatures uh if you don't mind I'll just squeeze right through here thank you okay another safety tip for you guys if you ever find yourself in front of a giant pit of quicksand drive around it oh wow there's also an oasis here which is great if you're struggling with the heat but we're trying to stay safe so we'll just carefully drive around this for now this has got of you one of the safest deserts out there 7.3 out of 10. alright we've arrived at the lovely Donut Plains three I'm not sure what happened to the first two but here we are nonetheless oh okay right away I'm not a fan of how this bridge is moving but you could do worse I suppose like this for example it also looks like some of those Gophers from MooMoo Meadows dug their way over here too donut planes 3 gets a 6.9 out of 10. on to Royal Raceway and first off I'm so happy to see that they prepared some duck boats specifically for my arrival normally I'm not one to accept bribes for good safety scores but I do appreciate a nice duck gesture ah yes okay I've had a few run-ins with these guys before and every time they've tried to eat me so surely this one oh okay uh never mind I guess this one's cool all right this jump though is definitely getting marked down despite that Royal Raceway is a safe track 8.3 out of 10. here we are in DK jungle now and I am not liking this to start off the track that's for sure we got some unsafe edges on the left here and oh my goodness what are these well I know what I'll be seeing in my nightmares for the next week now I can understand why people would be interested in exploring an ancient Golden Banana Anna Temple I really do but this is just flat out not safe like look down here if you fall you'll be plummeting Through The Dark Void for who knows how long also there's these guys I'm giving DK jungle a 4.3 out of 10. next up is Wario stadium and from what I've gathered Wario has quite the reputation let's just say his middle name is danger Wario danger what is Wario's last name uh Wario danger danger anyways this place is filled with dangerous jumps fireballs and an underwater section so I'd say it lives up to its reputation for sure 4.5 out of 10. it's a cold snowy winter night here in sherbert Land by the way is it actually pronounced Sherbert or is it more like sherbet or possibly even survey regardless I never recommend driving directly on Ice especially when there's figure skaters around that being said I do appreciate all the cones and arrow signs that they put up around here okay I don't know what's going on here but all I know is that I feel very unsafe right now again good use of cones and arrows here I really like the safety measures used in this track but the area as a whole is still inherently unsafe so I'll give it a 6.8 out of 10. okay so I know this is Music Park but where exactly are we in outer space perhaps wherever we are it gives me a sort of existential dread booking down there uh oh these don't look like the chill kind of Piranhas from Royal Raceway I can't say that I've ever seen a giant bouncy music note before but I'm gonna go out on a limb and say this is not safe this entire place is unsettling and not very safe 5.7 out of 10. on to Yoshi Valley and okay see I like the attempt at traffic flow with these arrows here but at the same time I'm getting some conflicting messaging I guess we'll start by trying out the left path and I am seeing a lot of red flags here right away first of all this bridge is definitely not safe for driving we've also got some pedestrians here taking a hike so that's definitely a safety concern as well all right a little further ahead we finally get some clear directions so that's good I don't like that it's pointing towards a bat filled cave but at least we know we're going the right way okay I don't think I have to explain this one I'm just more Curious where an egg that big even came from 6.1 out of 10. here we are now inside of tick tock clock right away I'm noticing a lot of unsafe edges and gears that will surely crunch through my car and my bones all I can really say about this track is that if for whatever reason you ever find yourself driving through the inside of a clock you're going to want to watch out for swinging pendulums spinning cogs and other clock related obstacles I'm gonna give this place a 6.4 out of 10. alright piranha plants Slide the name of this track doesn't inspire me with much confidence but who knows maybe the piranha plant part is more like a metaphor or something nope not a metaphor not a metaphor so yeah this is a very dangerous track with speed boosts and unsafe edges underwater sections piranhas as we just learned and a big flying jump to cap it off this one gets a 3.7 out of 10. next up is Grumble Volcano and yes while I understand that this is an active volcano it does also appear to be a construction site so let's give Morton the benefit of the doubt here and see what safety precautions he's constructed hmm okay so far I'm seeing a lot of lava and not much to keep us from falling in all right Martin I'm sorry but I'm not seeing uh I'm not seeing enough safety measures here 2.3 out of 10. okay we've made it to N64 Rainbow Road and what's good about this one is that it's not an outer space so we don't have to worry about suffocation this time that being said we're still very high in the sky and I'm not seeing any guard rails anywhere and yes I would also consider this a safety concern at least these fireworks are nice to look at albeit a little too close to the track for my liking N64 Rainbow Road gets a 4.8 out of 10. over to Yoshi's circuit now where the designers went out of their way to make this track shaped like Yoshi did they neglect safety as a result well I'm already seeing some gaps in safety rails here but nothing too egregious heading into Yoshi's nose now I'm actually liking what I'm seeing we've got lots of red and white safety markers and this nose is nice and wide and well lit looks like we do have some piranha plants I'm still not sure why these are allowed to be on so many tracks but as long as you stay on the road here you'll be safe overall this is a very safe track 8.4 out of 10 on to excitebike Arena First Impressions I like how we're walled in safely here but more importantly I appreciate all of these safety enthusiasts in the crowd who came out for the inspection today my biggest safety concern is obviously all these ramps and jumps but one thing that's great about this track is that if you want to stay safe you can just drive over the grass along the side here because of that I'm gonna give excitebike Arena a 9.2 out of 10. okay Dragon driftway the good news is that this is not a real dragon the bad news is this road looks pretty unsafe but let's take a closer look I gotta say the inside of this dragon has some pretty good lighting and some nice artwork too as long as we have well-functioning anti-gravity Wheels this track is definitely on the safer side 7.9 out of 10. alright so I've somehow managed to travel through time and space to reach mute City immediately I'm seeing a lot of speed boosts on the ground here so I'm gonna do my best to dodge as many of these as possible unsafe speed is definitely the main concern here but I also want to acknowledge as someone with pretty bad motion sickness this track is not accommodating at all that combined with these unsafe edges could make for a very messy projectile vomit filled fall so mute City gets a 5.1 out of 10. so we've had Mount Wario and Wario's Stadium now we've got Wario's Gold Mine based on the first two Wario tracks I don't have high hopes for the safety of this one not only is this track looking very unsafe but I also worry about the safety of the people living in these houses along the cliffs but yeah considering this track is definitely meant for mine carts and not Cars I'll be giving Wario's gold mine a 5.4 out of 10. back to the skies again for our third Rainbow Road this one being the SNES version like the N64 one we are not in outer space at least so so that's a positive the downside is that it looks like there is no safety rails anywhere and there is also these guys SNES Rainbow Road gets a 4.9 out of 10. over to ice ice Outpost now and I gotta say it looks like the track designers did a great job here I don't know why they needed this elaborate track in the middle of the Arctic but in terms of safety I'm seeing great guard rail coverage good use of directional arrows and even decent Lighting in this cave here my only complaint is this unsafe jump near the end but otherwise this is a very safe track 8.6 out of 10. next up is Hyrule circuit and I've heard they've had their own share of issues here with monsters and Demon Lords and things like that but so far it seems pretty safe and peaceful to me I will say the royal family must be pretty chill if they're cool with people flying around and driving through their Castle it's not the safest terrain but at least it's safer than driving by these guys I'll give Hyrule circuit a 7 out of 10. here we are now at baby Park as an amusement park meant for babies I would hope that this place would be built with safety in mind I'm looking at some of these other rides though and I'm not really getting that impression maybe it's just a baby themed park for adults that would be kind of weird though I don't know anyways despite all of that the ride that we're on is actually incredibly safe the only minor concern I have is how close this roller coaster is above our heads but besides that this is about as safe of a track you could ask for 9.9 out of 10. on to cheese land where it appears that the road is made entirely of some kind of Swiss so that means we've got a lot of unsafe potholes we gotta look out for here but that's not all we have to worry about because the cheese seems to have attracted some very dangerous hungry guests anyways with all the potholes some unsafe jumps and the chain Chomps this is not a very safe track especially if you're lactose intolerant six out of 10. now we've got Wild Woods I'm not quite sure what makes these woods so wild but that doesn't bode well for its safety early on we've got some unsafe edges on these twisting tree paths and overall I'm just getting the sense that cars aren't typically used here okay I think we made it to the wild part of the woods now this isn't the most dangerous Track by any means but it's definitely not safe either I'll give Wildwoods a 6.2 out of 10. we're in Animal Crossing now and let me tell you it's just nice to have an actual road to drive on again there's a bit of an unsafe jump here but it looks like we've got some kind of speed bumps coming up honestly great choice for keeping the neighborhood safe overall this is a pretty safe track we just gotta watch out for Mr Rossetti doing some road work near the end here 8.2 out of 10. next up is Neo Bowser City and I can definitely see how it got its name you know for a Bowser track there's actually plenty of safety precautions in place with guard rails Red and White markings well it tunnels but with the rain and the flashing lights though all it takes is one one mistake on one of these sharp turns and you are dunzo because of that I'll have to give Neo Bowser City a 5.9 out of 10. okay so we're at ribbon road now and I'm already a bit troubled because I don't remember getting shrunk down into the size of a miniature toy all right so early on we've already had an unsafe speed boost jump and uh whatever's going on with these guys I'll give props to whoever managed to create a road out of ribbon but I'm sorry this just does not look safe to me okay final jump let's just make sure to dodge these Dodge these 6.1 out of 10. to the underground with super Bell Subway all right let's take a look at the map here uh I need to go to big blue after this but I am not seeing it that's okay let's just continue driving through the subway I suppose what's the worst that could happen if you're able to dodge the trains then this place is pretty safe but the fact that you have to dodge trains in the first place makes it a 6.2 out of 10. all right we made it to Big Blue our final try track right away this is looking pretty similar to the other f-zero track lots of speed boosts on the ground with even more unsafe edges this time around I do appreciate them putting in these red treadmills to keep the speed levels in check but yeah in general if you want to stay safe while driving I wouldn't recommend flying your car in the air or going down water slides this is a very unsafe track 4.7 out of 10 and for the final results here's every Mario Kart 8 track ranked from most dangerous to most safe thanks so much for watching and if you enjoyed this video let me know in the comments if you'd like to see me do this for all the DLC tracks once wave 6 comes out and if you'd like to support me further you can find a link to my patreon either on screen or down in the description all patrons get monthly behind the scenes updates with q a from me and most of all it'll help me continue making these videos consistently moving forward so any support there is greatly appreciated okay that's enough from me I will catch you guys in the next video thank you

Channel: j0rts

Views: 1,207,417

Keywords: j0rts, nathaniel bandy, bathaniel nandy, mario touch grass, touch grass, touch grass every game, touch every game, touch in every game, jorts, touch air, touch fire, touch grass guy, mario kart, mario kart 8, mario kart 8 deluxe, every mario kart, every mario kart track, mario kart ranked, mario kart rankings, mario kart 8 tracks ranked, mario kart 8 tracks, any austin, mario kart ratings, mario kart track ratings, mario kart tier list, tier list, mario kart 8 tier list

Id: apMP41BH5ns

Length: 26min 19sec (1579 seconds)

Published: Tue Sep 19 2023