CONSPIRACY GUY: This video is brought to you
by Campfire I like vanilla! On an unrelated note, let’s write an everyman
protagonist for our story! Ah the everyman! For when the writer is too lazy to write an
actual character. The easy mode of writing! Terrible Writing Advice is all about taking
shortcuts which makes the everyman a perfect fit for the treasured protagonist slot of
my story. Just write an average person! Now the only problem I can see is that writers
tend to be freaking weirdos on a good day so writing an average person can be more tricky
than it looks, but fear not as I can show you what the normies want! The everyman is a pretty broad archetype that
can fit into just about any genre with a bit of finagling. Since they have a pretty mundane perspective
that makes it fairly easy for the audience to identify with them. In fact, the audience projecting onto the
everyman is a guarantee no matter how shallow the character is written. This frees the writer’s creative resources
to focus on more important things like taking risky loans for my future indoor pool that
I’ll be able to afford after my first advance. Rather than see the everyman as a strategic
addition to the story chosen specifically to contrast with the more colorful elements
of the setting, highlight their character growth by demonstrating their humble origin,
or to be used as a deconstruction by showing how poorly such a character would fair if
thrown into a specific genre, instead the everyman should be thought of as shorthand
for ‘I needed a protagonist I didn’t have to think hard about’. This means that the everyman is free to be
boring! Like really really really boring!! Like this guy’s favorite hobby is collecting
chewed eraser tips boring! So boring that watching paint dry feels like
skydiving in comparison to reading about this guy. So boring that I would rather watch a 72 hour
documentary on the history of stamp collecting than spend another page with this guy! So boring that the concept of boredom itself
seems like a distant dream that was long lost ago now that I am trapped in the unending
dull agony of having to read about boring McEveryman and his boring boredom of trudging
through the endless beige trenches of utter and complete tedium. In this case a writer will know their job
has been done right if the audience is begging for the story to focus on anything else other
than the protagonist. Remember, there is no difference between subtle
characterization and no characterization. No point in using the everyman’s more subdued
personality to highlight a more colorful cast of secondary characters. Another useful function of the everyman protagonist
is to have everything explained them… all the time. This gives the writer a perfect excuse to
dump exposition onto the audience since the everyman, being average and thus uninformed,
must have aspects of the setting explained to them. And like all exposition dumps, you can tell
it’s one because all characterization ceases once the dump begins. Never have the everyman express an emotion
during this explanation like concern, fear, boredom, or confusion. This approaches dangerously close to characterization. Nor should the writer use an everyman’s
outsider perspective to point out something a setting native would have never had thought
of or considered. Nor consider having the everyman just learn
by doing something. Now what if a writer wants the everyman to
also be a vehicle for power fantasy? Then just have the everyman develop into a
superman! In fact, a lot of comic book everyman characters
have a superhero persona. Could this journey from everyman to superman
be done by either a slow buildup in order to make the superman status feel earned? Or perhaps the everyman finds their superman
status thrust upon them suddenly forcing them to adapt as a focal point of conflict? Actually the best option is to cheat and have
the character discard their everyman status as soon as they become a superman. That way we get the audience investment cheaply
and without wasting a lot of time and then get to the power fantasy stuff ASAP. Yeah. No one will see through that! Besides, what would an everyman do without
awesome powers? See that won’t work because having a character
use something other than violent force to solve all problems is like hard. Why would the audience want to see the character
they are projecting onto use their courage and humble outlook to outwit a far more powerful
and dangerous foe? Especially if that foe underestimates them. The audience must be constantly told that
unlimited, unchecked power solves all problems, not critical thinking skills, determination,
and creativity. I mean could you imagine a beloved fantasy
novel series that ends with the dark lord being defeated not by some great warrior,
but by a bunch of short dudes with hairy feet? That would be embarrassing and most certainly
not turn into classic. Now I must cover the most important part of
the everyman, their stupidity! Most people are stupid, especially compared
to my genius, therefore it’s a pretty safe move to also make the everyman stupid as well. In fact, lean into this as their only character
trait! Make them so stupid that they really shouldn’t
be able to function at all. Yeah the audience will identify with that! Not only that, but make sure the story also
celebrates this stupidity! We should all strive to rid ourselves of intelligence,
because smart people are bad because being smart makes you evil! This stupidity also has the duel role of making
sure the everyman will take actions that most people would never do given their mastery
of basic risk return analysis and rudimentary pattern recognition. This frees the writer to use the everyman’s
ignorance to advance the plot, miss key clues that could resolve the plot early, and otherwise
fail to take actions that would undo an easily solvable conflict. And the audience will never get tired of the
everyman acting stupid or express frustration at their near constant ineptitude. I mean they’re supposed to identify with
the everyman, how could the audience get frustrated with them? In fact, why not lean into this further? Not only is the everyman stupid, but he’s
also a loser! It’s time for the writer to unleash their
cynical hatred of the audience by insulting their surrogate. Make the everyman a loser, nothing goes his
way, everything is his fault, and he’s an idiot. Exactly how the audience wants to see themselves! Is this looser status merely a starting point
for character development? No. It’s just there so I can perpetuate American
culture’s bizarre obsession with its stark loser/winner binary. Because the mark of maturity is using a stock
bully catchphrase from the early 90s unironically. Now how do side characters feel about this
steaming pile of vanilla that is somehow central to the world’s salvation in spite of having
zero redeeming qualities, talents, or work ethic? Will they crack under the pressure of a tremendous
time crunch as they are forced to cram in a lifetime of training into the everyman to
get him ready to face the Dark Lord? Or will the everyman lose it instead now that
he has actual expectations put upon him for the first time in his life? Nah. The superheroes surrounding this plain dude
will just never comment on him or generate any meaningful conflict. It’s almost like the everyman is just a
cameraman for the audience? While most of the other side characters won’t
notice the everyman, all of the women sure will! Nothing gets the ladies excited quite like
a guy without any defining features, personality, or prospects. Even the everyman gets a love triangle! I mean sometimes. Other times its more like a love battle royale. Ah the pain of having too many romantic choices. Clearly this is a problem that most people
can relate to! Just like moping! People love characters who mope all the time! Now most normal people when exposed to high
stress situations without proper training simply shut down at best. Usually they panic and make things worse. However, when writing an everyman, a writer
has only two real choices; either the everyman handles everything flawlessly and simply breezes
through the insanity without any explanation, or they start endlessly moping way outside
the audience's patience zone. A writer basically only gets one good panic
scene and after that the audience expects the everyman to get a handle on the situation. But I think I’m going to push that by having
the everyman be extra worthless for most of the story. Maybe I should show how the everyman is gradually
acclimating to this new life of adventure in order to have a smooth transition and not
irritate the audience with too much whining? No! I like my melodrama at the cost of character
development! As it should be! The everyman has a lot of utility in storytelling,
like a crutch that can be used to hobble through a story on easy mode. Rather than utilize the everyman to maximize
his potential by having him pull double duty as some combination of a foil, newcomer, future
leader, heart of the group, or some other function, instead use him as an unneeded third
wheel. The everyman should exist only because some
studio executive thought the audience needed a POV character as lame as they imagine the
average moviegoer to be. The best everymen are written not as empathetic
and humble individuals who wish to do good and help out in spite of their lack of power. Instead they should be written by a writer
who pours in all of their cynicism and misanthropy into a stock character who is mostly there
just to act as a glorified cameraman or as a vehicle for power fantasy. Besides, it has to be an everyman because
I have no clue how to write an everywoman. KNIGHT COMMANDER: This is bad! CONSPIRACY GUY: Okay. So I know this is going to sound odd coming
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