People Share Why They Are STILL CHEATING On Their SO (r/AskReddit)

our slashes credit cheaters of Reddit why are you currently cheating on your so I created a throwaway for obvious reasons you wanted a serious and honest response so this is how I can do it I've been a cheater in most relationships I've had and as a result a self hater for most relationships I've been through therapy for about eight years for other reasons and what I've come to learn is that I didn't feel I deserved love affection or appreciation this stems from a whole host of other things from my childhood sexual abuse lack of fatherly relationship latchkey kid et Cie I treated relationships as though they were temporary even though they lasted for years I'm a good-looking guy so lots of women offer up temptation that I found difficult to reject and each time I hated myself for my indiscretions I also picked relationships that were bad for me cheater girlfriends terrible communicators insecure women etc then I met the girl of my dreams I was so into her from day one that I immediately shut down all of my other options I told other women I was dating that I was happy and on dating around I shut down an uncommitted long-distance relationship as well I was really really in love then I found out she was cheating on me I can't describe the heartbreak and betrayal I felt this sent me into a downward spiral of emotional Hell through therapy I was able to get back on track appreciate myself more and find a girl who is absolutely perfect for me I do still feel urges to cheat sometimes but my unwillingness to hurt her saves me part of my self-hatred stems from not doing the right thing each time I do the right thing I feel a sense of pride and it makes me feel worthy of the love I receive a positive cycle edit um Wow I didn't expect for my response to the up top I will answer questions as much as I can but it may take me a while edit hash to whoever gilded me thank you that was very the view so I'm posting this on my not-me account and this is kind of long but here was my experience with my last GF you know how somehow every girl is interested in you when you already have a girlfriend well it starts like that at first you're not going to cheat but you want to see if you've still got it now you know you've still got it and just want to dance with her a little bit all of a sudden you're dancing and making out but you're not sleeping with her so it's not cheating yet then one night you're really drunk and had a fight with your girlfriend and you end up doing the same thing and boom you've slept with this girl and are officially cheating now you keep sleeping with this one girl because hey nothing bad happened the first time this girl is just a physical outlet for me and I still love my gf well time goes on and you've fallen so far over the line that you can't even remember when you really crossed it and this new girl wants more from you and your GF is wondering why you suddenly have to work late but are making no more money and you've got to try and find a way to break it off with the new girl but it's hard because you kind of like her too suddenly you've constructed a web of lies so complicated that you're not even sure you can unravel it and you're not sleeping well because if your current GF finds out the shirt will hit the fan and if you're newer girl finds out your GF will eventually find out you get into this situation where it's just easier to put it off and it's sort of like when you put off breaking up with someone but to a greater extent because of disincentives are so copious TL dr. you push the envelope little by little and by the time you've realised you've crossed the line everything is [ __ ] up now you've got to try and break it off amicably but it's not that easy because you like both girls and they both like you so you try and let it sit but it will more likely than not blow up in your face edit one I'd like to address a couple things I've noticed in the comments firstly kissing certain counts as cheating but as others pointed out what I wrote was part of the rationalization process same goes for the flirting dancing etc you can rationalize it so easily because you know you're not a bad person you don't want to admit you are a cheater much like the man who steals a coffee doesn't want to believe he's a thief people deceive themselves all the time and this is a situation where the self-deception got out of control secondly I've seen people ask why would you enter into a monogamous relationship knowing you're going to cheat I didn't intend to cheat from the start the point is that stuff like this starts small and grows fast and each misstep makes the next one easier inevitably you will be faced with a tough situation and sometimes during that situation your emotion will trump your reason you will find yourself in a moment of weakness and during that moment you can make a bad decision the missteps have built up and the cycle continues this is not a grab for sympathy but it is an apology a reason for why I did what I did and for everybody who insists they would never find themselves in this position I hope you're right but be warned that things can progress very rapidly and sometimes you just never see it coming I never thought I'd cheat on my GF but I did not currently cheating was in my past not bothering with a throwaway because everyone in my life already knows this and although I regret what happened we are all human and our faults are part of us too so having said that here it goes my husband and I had been married for two to three years at the time we just went through a miscarriage and learned that I would likely never have children as a result of PCOS polycystic ovarian syndrome it was a hard time for both of us we were grieving and our world was kind of falling apart we didn't have time to grieve though because my father one month later tries to shoot himself and fails struggling with his alcoholism and current divorce was his second at the time and he was dropped off on my doorstep his parents were my grandfather had passed away a few years prior and my grandmother was in an oozing home with alzhiemer's and no one else in his family including his adopted brothers and sisters would take him in tons of stress and pain and heartache husband is bitter and angry about the miscarriage in the news that his wife can likely never give him children and is unable to express or sort out his feelings partly due to the fact that currently I myself am on the verge of a meltdown and also because my dad passed out drunk on my living room floor every night is taking up all of our personal time we begin to avoid one another because all we do is fight a hurt and anger comes out in nasty words and jabs at one another for months go by like this we stop having sex he goes in autopilot mode and goes from the bed to the computer to work and back again rinse and repeat we stop talking he spends over 12 hours a day more when not working on the computer and doesn't even exist he is working 15 plus hours a week at McDonald's I'm doing 50 plus hours a week a metal fabrication shop I work I clean I cook I mop up a puddle nightly that is my father and I sleep my husband and I grow apart I start to feel unappreciated as I take his absence in my life and in our bed as him ignoring me and or resenting me for not being able to give him children I begin talking to someone through an online morgue that I play in my spare time to keep my sanity that I met through my guilt the talking goes from in game two when else and from texts to phone calls I tell this person how lonely I am he tells me I'm worth more tells me that I'm not less of a woman for not being able to produce children he pays attention to me he calls me beautiful he asks me how my day is he becomes a distraction from the pain and a cure from the loneliness that my husband is inadvertently making me feel we have firm sex a few times I send him photos he sends me photos he talks about driving up and meeting me was a few states south of mine it never comes to pass eventually I tell my father what is going on I'm feeling guilty and lost and want some advice he is too drunk and better from his divorce and cries out that all marriages are shams he encourages me to continue cheating because all marriage is a joke and my husband is an [ __ ] I have a nervous breakdown at work locked myself in a bathroom stall and sob on the floor crying out for my mother the secretary of the company gives me a ride home they call me back the next day and asked me not to come back in that I'm no longer needed jobless and broke and I come clean to my husband he is surprisingly unfazed says he figures I didn't want him around anyway I tell him that is the opposite of what I want and actually am just so damn lonely he says he is - but can't deal with anything right now he is lost we are both lost he goes to work at his new job had to get a 40-plus hour a week job after I lost mine at a plastics shop we agree that maybe he should move back in with his mother for a while his bags are packed I stare at them while he is gone dad tells me that I should say [ __ ] it to my marriage because it sort of lie and go with him as he returns to work as a long-haul truck driver cross-country says I can be his logbook sidekick he upsets me so I go to my mom for the day I suddenly have no desire to even contact my internet friend all I can think of is the hole in my heart that will be there once my husband leaves that night I cry on my mom's floor she says if we really didn't love one another that it wouldn't hurt like this she tells me that my husband and I are both just devastated by a baby that we never had time to grieve for and that we are both handling it in stupid selfish ways she advises me to go speak to my husband before it is too late my mom has no car I didn't currently drive at the time either I call my dad and pleaded with him to take me to my husband's so I can stop this before we separate and ruin something that was never broken he reluctantly agrees after how hysterical he finds me for once he isn't drunk I go to my husband's work and wait for him to come out on his smoke break his eyes red he has also been crying we both hug each other the first contact we have had in months although sleeping in the same bed and we cry I tell him I love him and I'm sorry for cheating he tells me he is sorry for shutting off the entire world and me we agree that we love one another and don't want to lose each other to stupid ways of coping with pain we agree to change and work on the bad parts of ourselves and how we handle things a month later my dad moves out and in with his new soon-to-be third wife my husband and I both see separate therapists for a few months we learn to grieve and grow together again we fall more confidentially in love with one another than we ever were before I attribute my cheating to the first and obvious reason that we are all capable of being our souls but also that we married young I was 19 and he was 21 and that I had terrible parents and never really had the chance to grow up before life cut into our dreams my dad using me as a stable for his drinking and own issues also did not help any plus the fact that my husband grew up in an abusive household mainly his father and he only knew how to internalize his pain and never was taught to voice it or talk about it for fear of shame I blame no one but myself but to this day we are closer than ever and are going on our seventh year of marriage we are talking of renewing our vows on our 10th anniversary we still have no children and don't ever plan on it happening for us we have grown and learned together that life is never what you think it is when you start out and neither are people but if you truly love someone you grow together instead of apart edit a few misspelled words I know there is tons more on here but this was typed on my mobile phone and is a story not an essay please read all the way to the bottom before you judge my wife and I are best friends we latched on to each other in our early twenties and know we will always be life companions it's such a great fit so much understanding mutual humor pleasure in each other's company we love making a home together having friends sharing our days and meals we've been together 30 years and raised a couple of happy well-balanced children ideal right well yes and no it's been an everything but sex arrangement pretty much from the start not by plan that part never came together somehow the bedroom hasn't always been Ted we did manage two pregnancies after all that almost always months and sometimes gone between couplings and there isn't even all that much frustration at least these days more on this below but not much interest not much specific chemistry it would be great if we had memories of a brief sexually frantic phase like many couples have but nope we were both virgins at the time of our marriage I did experience a crisis about sex a few years into the marriage feeling like I had missed something essential in my life she felt sorry but powerless to help and then I met her childhood friend who I hadn't seen for many years learned that she always had a crush on me and decided to act on it it wasn't a moment of weakness but a deliberate decision that I informed my wife of in advance didn't ask just said I need to do this went away for a weekend with this other woman then went home wondering have I destroyed everything instead she welcomed me in happy tears and wanted to know if I felt better and I did not only that but we had a period after that where the bedroom was positively alive didn't last a long time but damn it was nice since then we've both pretty much putted together that the only thing that sparks her sexual interest is the perception of competition she can't be sexually attracted to me except when she can believe that someone else is too while I haven't made a pattern of ex gladly seeking out actual adultery emotional cheating turns out to be beneficial to the marriage provided she knows about it or at least is encouraged to suspect it which I guess makes it not cheating at all although most people would probably see it that way she wants to know when I'm in flirtations with at the workplace she occasionally asks I would like to go to bed with among my friends and hers she wants to know if I had any close calls near seductions at work conferences and such all of this peps up our sex life to some extent no we haven't turned into a pair of legendary lovers this way but it kinda gets us both by and I'm getting old enough now that my sex drive is starting to wane and things are more equitable between us that way than they used to be now before you say I need help or she does because of her presumed self-esteem issues or whatever I'll assert this in the big picture she is one of the most secure people I know and we've come to consider ourselves one of the happier couples among our acquaintances I don't think there is anything to fix here but it's not like we can talk freely about our relationship with anybody and like probably almost everybody else here I'm posting with a throwaway account I was single at the time that he was married so if that counts I will tell my story though currently cheating is not applicable anymore about ten years ago I was in college and met prophets who was in my fairly small department there was definite attraction there but I knew he was married and had a child and believe it or not he wasn't a sqeeze so we ignored it and I just like to go to his office hours and chat about the material or whatever and after about two years of that by which point we were definitely an emotional affair territory including a course taught by him we were at a seniors graduation party in our apartment and likely tipsy and he offered me a ride home then asked if we could pull over and we both confessed our attraction and kissed in what was the most surreal thing imaginable what followed was a year and a half of sneaky meetings first in random hotel rooms in my apartment once I got one I did some grad school there as well and one or two nights bundled into conferences and the like we fell in love and were brutally honest with each other about the good and the bad of the situation with some humor too after we had sex my first statement was and you still gave me a C referring to the class I took from him a year ago no way in hell we world done anything while still in such a position he still loved his wife and child and I was always second to them literally the first thing we agreed on in that car but to quote him it was like getting struck by lightning and something he had never done before nor plan to do again I know ray did won't believe him but even though this was some years ago I know it was the case than at least and we still a male sometimes and I have no reason to disbelieve him incidentally I should mention beyond just really really liking each other to the point where we couldn't ignore it he was also down to having sex like once every six months with his wife even though they tried various ways to rekindle things she was just no longer interested as she got older and her chemistry changed and he was good guy and loved her deeply once again I was never ever first over her so he wasn't about to tear his family apart over a dead bedroom but yeah even if not the primary factor it was surely part of it he also had the gallows humor of telling me when we ended it that the best sex of his life was over we did some amazing exploration he never did with her and he never planned to cheat again so ergo anyway we ended up ending it because he was just feeling more and more like a sleaze lying to his wife and eventually we ended it and that was that I cried so hard and was feeling badly for at least a month or two after that because while I'd always understood it was going to end that way and was willing to do it anyway it didn't make it hurt any less and of course because I never ever told anyone what we were up to I was in pain inside but couldn't tell a soul why that was pretty awful so why did I do it even though I couldn't ignore it honestly to steal his phrase it was like being struck by lightning I will never have a relationship with someone married again though believe me there has been opportunity but after two years of build-up this was not just something I could ignore and say I didn't want I couldn't walk away even though I knew it would end in heartache because I think back on our time together and it makes me smile to remember those moments and yeah probably compartmentalised a bit as he was the one cheating in a relationship not me I will also say though if I end up in a stage of life where I find the one I want to marry I will make it clear if he feels like he has been struck by lightning by someone else a few decades down the line especially if I'm no longer interested in sex as much though may that day be far off I wouldn't hold it against him if he followed through though if anything I'd prefer it if he just told me maybe that makes me strange but I feel like I learned a lot about how relationships can evolve even when everyone involved is a good person who loves each other very much cheating is one of the greatest adrenaline rushes one could ever have I cheated often and I wasn't too bad at it it all comes down to a go you even begin to enjoy the lives there are people that [ __ ] up and cheat one time I was stupid and feel terrible then it stops that happens but then you have people that have a fetish for it the great equalizer in a cheaters life is dating someone better at it than you I dated my best friend it was one of those occurrences you read in fairy tales where you see the girl for the first time and you know you're in love 14 years old first day of high school we clicked immediately it took us nine years of friendship before we finally hooked up when we finally did we were both in relationships it was great we cheated for a while then decided to break it off with them and become an item I decided to part with my ways as a cheater I had a chick on the side for a while before and during her I broke it off finally with that one as well we dated for about six months we both found our soul mates I spent three years training day in and day out to fulfill a dream of ten years it would have required me to move so I stayed behind and quit to be with her after six months she started showing the signs short texts breaking off plans etc I knew what it meant she was back on the cheap drug I couldn't take it I was Batman of a detective found everything we broke it off and I was crazy for about a year looking back I don't blame her it was a rush it was what we knew we started an infidelity of course it was bound to end that way she is by far the greatest person I know but like any addiction it is almost impossible to ever shake I now have a GF whom I will not cheat on the urge is always there but you learn to see it as what it is it's a selfish form of validation as for the ex we have been through too much to ever fix that for many more reasons than you care to read she is still one of my best friends and we stay in touch there's a quote somewhere about soul that's not being the person you marry they break you down and make you realise what you really are through all the lies in the self-destructive behavior you realize you are actually doing a drug habitual cheating is exactly like drug use it benefits no one but you and your selfish needs then when you get off of it you're always one step away from relapse my GF now is the bee's knees and I've been nothing but honest about my past she has always had trust issues in past relationships but with me she doesn't I don't know how that happens that faith has made it so easy for me to stay true it also helps that I'm not 22 anymore age and I go go hand in hand I had a relationship with this great loving girl who always helped me through my problems and helped me get out of a cycle of drugs and violence and gangs that dominated my late teens and early twenties I owe my life to her let's call her Caitlyn after seven months of dating Kaitlyn had started to gain weight at first it was only 5 to 10 pounds but then one month she must have gained almost 20 to 30 pounds it was awful to see her self-esteem completely destroyed but the worst was that I wasn't physically attracted to her I was a male stripper at the time and had a great body and she was 40 pounds overweight and a lot of it had gone straight to her face she was for lack of a better word ugly I still cared and loved for her but I did not to satisfy my physical needs and she was not willing to have sex as much because she was embarrassed about her body I ended up giving him I had to get some kind of pleasure somehow one night at my job I couldn't control myself and ended up receiving a [ __ ] from one of the other male strippers I'm not attracted to men but I wasn't completely against it either I felt awful but it opened my eyes to how easy it would be to cheat as long as I kept the people they cheated with away from my circle of friends and especially away from Kaitlyn I would go to bars and clubs in Manhattan and pick up random girls usually naive students and have sex with them in their dorms I would always give a fake name and number and it became relatively easy to traverse the city a few times a night and have sex with random people I developed somewhat of an addiction to this and I felt horrible but I also knew that I felt no feelings for the girls I simply would use them and then go back to my loving Kaitlyn at my apartment it got bad really bad I was spending too much time in the city and my cocaine addiction came roaring back full force Kaitlyn gained another 20 pounds over the span of three months and cried daily while I would go to the city nearly every night it became easier to go to gay bars as I said earlier I have no attraction to men that I have no ill feelings towards receiving sexual favors Kaitlyn had become distant to me I told her I work nights when in reality I was cheating on her with different women in men every night there one night while I was drunk and on cocaine I ran into a close friend of Caitlin's who saw me in a bathroom stall with a man receiving a [ __ ] everything came crashing down on me like a hurricane Caitlin found out that night Caitlin sent me a text message that she had found out and that she might kill herself I thought about killing myself as well when I got the message and I actually got to my apartment with those thoughts rushing through my head I didn't she didn't and we simply didn't talk for three weeks no communication except for that one text Mariah said she found you getting a [ __ ] in a bathroom stall I might kill myself she thought I was gay which was the worst part she thought I was just using her to make people think I was straight that the whole relationship was a broken mirror she gained even more weight at this point she was maybe 230 lb five feet five I went to her apartment after three weeks and explained everything I just let my heart out to her as honestly as I possibly could I didn't care if she didn't want me back but I wanted her to know that our relationship was real and that none of my love to her was fake she called me a junkie macho our soul and broke a coffee mug over my head I haven't spoken or heard from Caitlin since I'm not currently cheating on my wife that I did so in the past we had been married for a couple of years and together for eight by the point this happened and owned a home together she is very attractive as well and for the most part we get along well overall most things were pretty good she worked a ton and had a stressful job pretty much to the point where I did all the chores and we didn't have much of a relationship because she would want to unwind and relax by herself and the TV after working all day this sometimes included weekend's of courses took a large hit on our relationship and sex life very long story short a very very long time internet friend who I got to know during highschool move to the area that she used to live very far away in Hawaii during this stressful time period of my relationship her and I used to chat online and on the phone for hours when we were in high school 15 plus years before we met up costing our parents insane amounts and long-distance telephone bills this was in the days when the original Napster came out and before me space we talked about getting together back then but eventually the distance was too great to overcome and life happened for both of us we lost touch for many years she herself had gotten married and without too many more details divorced during the time which we lost contact lo and behold she now lives in the same state I do not even that far away we met up and sparked up an intense relationship without many more details I ended up cheating multiple times with her and was nearly about to divorce my wife and leave for this girl who I knew for many years before I even met my wife but I didn't I decided I wanted to work things out with my wife we had come so far and build a life together I did want to try to save it somehow my wife forgave and was willing to move forward and we have I still don't believe I deserve to be forgiven for what I had done but I do love my wife and we now have a much better relationship obviously we had a lot to overcome and it took a long time my wife has a different job now and things are much different we have a good life together and I'm thankful and fortunate to still have it I won't make that mistake again the grass is always greener where you water it remember that I had never cheated before in my life but this a typical relationship I was in once was a little different she was definitely the most beautiful girl I'd ever been with well beyond too pretty for me she had way too much money seemed to spend it entirely on making herself look amazing she had no need to work but operated her own web-based fashion magazine and traveled the world doing photo shoots for it as things turned out she was recovering from an abusive relationship where the guy cheated on her and hit her once despite how loyal she was and so she was only with me because she wanted someone safe I usually would get anxiety problems when I was with someone I thought was funny and gorgeous early on in a relationship this was the first time that in the middle of an attack I had resolved to put the source of it first which was her I suppose it was because of what she went through or maybe because everyone else I have been with prior I had never quite loved enough to do that for and although at the time I probably wasn't in love with her I definitely still loved who she was and I respected her regardless of what I was feeling I was determined to not let it become her problem and would deal with it myself as best I could I started seeing the time I had with her was sort of a gift and accept that even if it was temporary it was still a gift and it would last longer if I saw it that way after that night any anxiety I have had since was manageable and now it barely seems to happen at all I owe that to what I learned about myself through my relationship with her it was the first time something really lasted for so long with someone I really like that much but it was never meant to last she was funny and beautiful and the look she gave anyone else who ever so slightly tried to sway her attention from me was almost enough to kill she reserved it all for me that made it feel like I was part of this incredible Club to have this gorgeous creatures exclusive attention while she'd give anyone else nothing but pure I think she felt she had to give me something to make it feel like it was worth it because she couldent let herself be vulnerable again at least not to open up to me she would only stay safely inside herself even when we were together just the two of us it still felt like I was there alone even the thought of so much as making a move to make out with her made me feel guilty and selfish I knew she'd be up for it if I initiated because we had before but it didn't feel right at all as much as I liked her and as much as she said she liked me it was still pretty painful because i couldent see from her trying to find that closeness through intimacy when there was none to be found would only lead to some serious regret I made that mistake once and it wasn't worth it so instead I would try to make her laugh take her out and have some fun to get her out of that show and I'd get some glimpses of her this was mostly for myself though I was starving to feel her with me but vulnerability wasn't something she was willing to do for more than a few fleeting moments still for her I knew I could endure it at least a little longer one night I was out at a party with some old friends without her and a girl I never met before started giving me some attention she sat right in my lap out of nowhere her big pretty eyes were very welcoming she was very open and flirtatious the way she held onto me was electric I talked to her for a few hours she wasn't afraid to be vulnerable to me at all her soul if there is such a thing was glowing and wide open it was shocking that everything I was starving for to get out of my relationship for the past four months was right here in my lap without needing any patience or pain or effort we'd both had some drinks and I could tell she wanted to devour me that night in ways my woman wasn't able to feel with me and that was the only time I had ever had a very strong impulse to cheat but I knew what my woman had been through and I wasn't going to do that to her I told the girl at the party I had to go and I picked her up off my lap and left the party everything in my biology was screaming at me but i whould turn around i went back to my woman and told her things weren't working that she had to open up to me at least a little more or else things were going to fall apart she said she wanted to that she was trying but she cold though not with me anyway and I knew I wasn't safe for her anymore I wasn't strong enough and I failed to help to give her what she was waiting for when we finally decided to end it I felt relief but I owed her so much for the experience we'd stayed in contact for years after and sometimes she'd pick fights with whoever I was dating at the time over matters of randomly making sure I was being respected with I found hilarious I was always worried about her though she seemed to be having trouble that kept getting worse one day she cut ties with everyone and left I heard from her once or twice a month after that but we've since drifted wherever she is I hope she's kicking ass thank you so much for watching the whole video please leave a like and subscribe

Channel: Slime King

Views: 22,862

Rating: 4.806818 out of 5

Keywords: high school, reddit stories, askreddit funny, askreddit scary, reddit top posts, askreddit comedy, comment awards, askreddit, top posts, dankify reddit, brainydude reddit, tz reddit, r/, askreddit creepy stories, toadfilms, reddit and chill, middle school, middle school cringe, teacher, pupil, parrents, tantrum, askreddit friends, askreddit secrets, askreddit parents, family secrets, askreddit kids

Id: UXR_qeQMQ0A

Length: 35min 49sec (2149 seconds)

Published: Sun Nov 24 2019