People Who Married Their SO Who They Don't LOVE Share Their STORY (r/AskReddit)

our slashes credit redditors who are now married because you didn't know how to break up with your so how is that going for you we met in May married in October we divorced after six years and two kids she wanted the marriage pushed for it I didn't say no I wanted to be married have kids own a home all of those things I wasn't sure if it should have been with her there were some red flags that I hadn't found my voice I didn't advocate for myself she wanted married she was four years older and had already picked out a dress since I wasn't backing out she decided that I was the one the first year was good then I saw the cracks in her lies I suspected she cheated on me she previously said that she'd cheated on every boyfriend she'd ever had one of those red flags things just weren't adding up her going for a walk with our neighbor at 12:30 a.m. and not coming home till 5 a.m. we tried to work things through went to counseling for a year or so I was still fighting for that life married wife kids and happy then I didn't get into a commissioning program in the army our relationship went downhill with a quickness after that I moved out a trial separation we had picked up counseling again all of the issues were me my communication my parenting then I found concrete proof she'd cheated two years into our marriage with an entirely different person and she was continuing multiple relationships while still working on us that next counseling session I dropped the bomb that for the last 10 or so sessions it was all about my issues what about this guy who happened to be her first cousin or that guy or this other guy surely if you want to make it work you wouldn't be sending sexts to these other guys the therapist asks if I could work through this dira focus our sessions or if I still loved her no one no I was tired of the lies and gaslighting I'll add my story to the mix he and I had a very tumultuous relationship for the first few years together due to emotional immaturity and trauma on both our parts he was my rebound after my first true heartbreak and we started dating way way too soon we fought often broke up once or twice and I constantly thought about leaving even after we moved in together still I'd grown dependent on him in ways I now see were unhealthy and while I did have feelings for him part of me was just scared of being alone when he shocked me by popping the question my stomach dropped and I physically wanted to run every fiber in my body was yelling no no no in that moment but his proposal speech was so beautiful and heartfelt and he was so vulnerable and open that I muttered a big will Dov yes before I could even process my feelings having to call our parents immediately to share the news was just torture honestly looking back on that moment I have no idea why I wasn't just honest with him but there was a part of me that did love and care for him and I wanted I don't know exactly but I wanted to see if we could work ourselves out together even though it all felt so hopeless and wrong we've been together eight years now married four and I'm so happy to say that we are the perfect partners for each other we've both grown so much on our own through sheer will and hard hard work and in that process we've also grown together in ways I couldn't have imagined he is the most insightful self-aware man I've ever met and he loves me more that I ever felt I deserved and through him I learned how to love genuinely and to the best of my abilities selflessly he is truly my other half in life and without him I would be so lost I'm so grateful that part of me that was scared and hopeless and wanted to run away screaming decided to stay to wait and see if we could grow together to see what life we could build together the journey has been more painful and more difficult than anything I've ever faced but it's also been the most pressure and humbling and life-affirming experience in every way as a wise man once said the greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return all of the top comments are people pointing out the positive outcomes of their situation I feel that it would be wrong for me to not share my story which turned out differently I knew from a couple of months into the relationship that I didn't love her she came from a terrible home situation and she was severely depressed with borderline personality disorder to boot I felt so sorry for her I honestly worried that if I left her she would commit suicide she had two little girls who needed someone stable and normal in their lives I was afraid that I would be letting them down if I left who else was going to help them if I didn't before we got married she cheated on me but she was in such denial about it that she managed to convince me that it didn't happen although looking back on it I know it's true we fought almost daily we screamed at each other and she would get so angry that she would take things that were important to us shared symbols of our love and affection like her wedding rings our marriage certificate gifts that I bought for her and attempt to destroy them or throw them away I wasn't at all interested in having sex with her and most of he'd time I wasn't able to force myself she could sense that there was something wrong in our relationship and she constantly made comments to me about how I didn't love her and didn't want to be with her towards the end our fighting got so bad that it was sometimes physical never punching or hitting that shoving and grabbing one another I felt like I was losing control of myself I ended up in therapy and had a relapse I'm a recovering addict and had been clean for three years when she and I got together after we had been married for a while she started bringing men around friends from work he swore that nothing was happening with them and by this point I was so detached from reality that I honestly didn't much care one way or the other I finally had a breakthrough in therapy where I realized that a reaction to how I live my life is not my problem we split up and I spent the next six months spiraling deeper into my addiction before I started to come out of it I have since remarried to someone I do love with all my heart but I still have nightmares this is not hyperbole actual real-life nightmares my current wife will tell me some mornings about how I was screaming in my sleep that I'm still stuck in that horrible abusive loveless relationship there simply isn't enough time for me to adequately express all of the different ramifications of that relationship there was only one positive thing that came out of it and that was that I learned that you cannot settle for a relationship the person with whom you intend to spend your life has to be someone who meets all of your criteria or you will never be happy with them the negative consequences on the other hand are apparent in my everyday life even now in my relationships with other people especially my current wife my finances and my own general psychological well-being please don't stay with someone unless you're sure I was dating an Australian dude for a couple of years I'm American and we exhausted all the visitor visas we could visiting one another eventually it came down to if we wanted to be together we had to get married we had dated a long time and loved each other but neither of us really had marriage as a priority so we sat down wrote a pros and cons list and decided getting married was the best thing for us however over the time we spent dating he stopped doing a few things like showering when he moved back to the States as my fiancee I noticed just the smell of him was overpowering I caught him at one point saying he had just showered and didn't need one but he actually hadn't showered in two weeks he'd go down and swim in the apartment pool and count that as a shower in the summertime I'm pretty sure he showered even less I can't emphasize enough how bad it was I literally had to throw away my couch because the stink seeped into it and I couldn't get it out I discovered earlier in our relationship that he didn't know how to blow his nose tried to show him that he said he couldn't do it and would just pick his nose and wipe it on the desk got him to at least wipe it on a tissue that he stopped doing that and wiped it on a wall near his desk where I couldn't see and would have the pleasure of discovering later he also couldn't work in the States at this point so he said he'd keep up the apartment while I worked yeah he didn't he wouldn't clean anything he thought I'd touched the apartment was in squalor and filled with naps and flies and a mountain of shipping boxes from his habit of ordering online I eventually just bought paper plates and stuff and only use those so he couldn't say I used any dishes and I could keep on him to clean up his own mess suffice to say by the time the date to be married came around I didn't want to but he sold everything he owned in Australia he owned his own apartment there had his own car he quit his job I couldn't just send him back and not feel like a monster for not trying so I tried we got married it was predictably awful I spent a lot of nights staying at work until midnight just drawing alone on my tablet so I could have some peace away from him he was supposed to get a job when he got his green card in after we got married and he told me there was a two-year queue for it to come in at the time this wasn't unheard of just a bit longer than usual reasonable for a strange system yeah he lied so he wouldn't have to get a job couldn't work without a green card he got it in six months or so I found out huge fight ensued gave him one last chance to make it right go get a job and get his [ __ ] together he got an unpaid online internship I continued my late nights at work until one evening I was driving home and just started screaming out of the blue just screaming and yelling at myself for what was becoming of my life I hated my job I hated my home I hated the state I lived in I was extremely depressed and something had to change pulled over on the side of the road and just screamed at myself for letting it get this bad so I went home we had a fight I laid out everything and told him I wanted a divorce it was actually a pretty peaceful divorce I think he knew by then that it wasn't working - but while we were in the middle of it he knew I loved travel but wasn't well off so he told me that I'd never get back to Australia without his help it just so happened that I had recently looked at a map of the world and figured out where the exact opposite part of the world was from where I was in just an eyeful wish to be as far away as possible it was the ocean between Madagascar and Western Australia with what he said and that fact that was enough for me so quit my job sold my stuff got a year-long working holiday visa and moved near Perth so I suppose it worked out okay for me once it was all over I don't think I would have had the motivation to do that if I wasn't filled by pure spite and desperate a or to never be where I was again I ended up working and traveling until my money ran out through us Hawaii lived there a year across the western US and BC Canada then I moved to the place I liked most in my travels that didn't require a visa so now I live near Seattle I'm poor and single renting a room with a couple of my closest friends and extremely happy it's been 10 years for me I wanted to break up multiple times during those years and we actually did a few times but we always managed to come back to each other here are my thoughts on the subject from my side I always knew she was a terrific partner but selfishly I wanted to live it up a bit sleep with other people chase other people et Cie I always thought that if I left her I would rip the heart out which prevented me from ever truly breaking things off my love when I was younger was mostly built on things I wanted out of life and I did not consider enough how my actions and thoughts would impact my circle of family / friends now here we are ten years into it and I have to admit that while I've grown up substantially during those years the way I love has grown and evolved as well the things I love have changed I'm so grateful that my partner and I were able to stick together during those tough times now when I look at her I see a strong independent caring and wholesome woman that provides most of the things I need in life it's funny because all this time I always thought she would be broken if we broke up but now I see that I'm the one that needs her more than she needs me she's an amazing human being with so many positive Trey's any man would be lucky as hell to have her with the things I've put this woman through it's a miracle that she still wants to be with me but a love has grown and evolved as well there's a beauty in our relationship in how we've seen our personal and combined development over the years I look at her and I see a woman that's build up her strength intelligence and love over the years from the get-go she knew she wanted to be with me for life and what it did take a little longer for me to realize this as well I'm happy that I see this my recommendation for people that are suffering through the inability to decide on their relationships is to look at the intangibles in your partner are they generous loving caring do they see the beauty in other people are they forgiving do they make you feel special and beautiful sometimes we focus on one or two negatives in a relationship the truth is that you'll never find someone on this planet that is 100% perfect for you all the time there will be bumps but if your partner is someone that demonstrates the above stated values and more then perhaps you should reconsider your position ultimately you need to do what you think is best for you just remember that you will grow wiser over the years and it may take a little longer for you to truly see what you had in your relationship for every person unable to break off a relay ship there are dozens of others that did actually break off their relationship and out of those dozens there are a few that regretted down the road I am NOT saying you'll regret your decision just that you will see the world differently multiple times over your lifetime and the not so perfect partner you have now could end up being your perfect partner down the road there are not enough wholesome and good people on this planet and if you happen to be with one right now then it may be worth your effort to work things out that said if you are completely disengaged from your relationship and causing your partner too much heartache then perhaps you do need to break up I'm simply providing my viewpoint and personal experience to each their own this will probably get buried but er well we moved in together after six months of dating simply because he was the first guy I had dated who actually had his [ __ ] together and I was so desperate to leave my parents house he made everything about me the six odd dates our vacations etc I had never been in a relationship where I was considered a priority he was absolutely perfect quirky but perfect in my eyes he was older by three years and had the work ethic of a horse he was going to work and provide for others until the day he died no doubt about it after a year of living together things were great we communicated well the sex was fantastic we lived for one another it was perfect he proposed I said yes six months into our engagement my parents arranged an intervention sort of meeting and told me it was about the failing relationship between my brother and I he was in an emotionally abusive relationship and she had led him to drink which led him to become an alcoholic and my parents refused to believe me so at this intervention my family proceeds to tell me how they don't want this wonderful man in my life to join our family they think I'm making a mistake because nobody is that genuine and he just comes across as fake and we don't like how open he is this came after they promised our budget for our wedding and gave us an ultimatum to either have the budget for a wedding or a down payment on a house so I cried I pondered I cried some more and I started to doubt all of the motives behind his actions I came up with these weird alternative motives and started doubting all of his intentions but then he asked me two months later if I would marry him on New Year's Eve in two weeks no dress no friends just closest family I told him I didn't want my family there and only his and he says the only way I'm going to marry you is in the presence of your family you respect your parents too much to not have them there and so I told my mom what our plans were and she immediately asked me are you pregnant why the rush I don't understand why you're in such a hurry to throw your life away and I wanted to run I wanted to not marry him and not talk to my parents and just disappear I felt so alone until I got home that night and he held me I didn't even have to tell him what happened because he just knew the conversation didn't go well with my mom and that's when I realized that you don't pick your parents but you'd get to pick your sewer nuts who you need to be happy with because that's who you spend the rest of your life with and I realized that he respected my wishes more than my parents respected them so I told my parents where we would be getting married and if they wanted to be there we would be getting married at 3 o'clock so we get to my future in-laws house and they have gutted their home of all furniture and turned their dining room into an altar for us they have stripped their house of all Christmas decorations and tied those in our wedding colors that would have been had we kept our original plan they set up chairs and linens and tables and centerpieces of my favorite flowers in their living room that have converted to a reception area they made dinner for 40 people combined my family and his he grew up Mormon with eight siblings then my family starts to show up my parents were first to arrive they walk in and see what my in-laws have done and my mom starts to cry the first time in 10 years that she shed a tear she realized just what kind of environment I was marrying into one that was loving and accepting and supportive she was angry with herself for wanting to convince me otherwise and so I said I do in spite of them now a year and a half later my husband and I have completed our five-year plan we completed it in ten months this involved buying a house paying off two cars and consolidating all of our credit card debt so that we could prepare four children I have learned how to cook and experiment with recipes I have this incredible support system in the form of my in-laws and husband he has pushed me to find my career and it is taking off like crazy and I'm so thankful I decided to spite my parents and not run I have never been happier I'm so proud I didn't let the opinion of my parents alter my view like so many people do I started down that path and I went against my doubts and trusted my gut and I'm in a much better place for it well I made the throw away so here goes it's [ __ ] horrible she is the single most useless incompetent human I've ever met she doesn't work that she's so emotionally needy that I'm often an hour late to work because she's begging me not to go she can't be bothered to clean up after herself let alone take care of the beautiful house we bought with my money but she complains when I try to clean because I'm not spending time with her I do literally everything to keep our lives running while she sits on the couch watching TV all day and yet somehow somehow in the rare fleeting moments that I get enough spine to talk back to her she immediately finds a way to make me the bad guy she refuses to take responsibility for anything and always tries to make everything my fault her perennial excuse is that she's depressed in hazzard that she stopped going to therapy I love paying for all the missed appointments she didn't tell me about and won't go back she complains endlessly about everything in her life all the time when she has a cold which is apparently always you'd think Satan himself was jamming his spinned dick up knows all day we have a kid after being married for about a year we decided to open up our marriage by which I mean we had one conversation about it then she made an online dating profile and started chatting with guys and then I found out she had drunkenly kissed someone so I figured I might as well just go along with it six months later she was pregnant I was pretty sure it wasn't mine that she fudged the timeline and cried whenever I tried to talk to her about it until one day there we were with a kid after about a year and a half I realized I loved the kid and based on one or two things I was pretty sure he was actually mine so I did a DNA test without telling her not mine after all I spent that day crying in the bathroom at work and I'm pretty sure it's created a permanent rift in my relationship with my kid every day is the worst day of my life every night when I go to bed I pray I won't wake up I'm not going to kill myself mostly because I'm a coward but also because the one time I almost did I got yelled at for half an hour about how selfish I am and I don't want to risk that [ __ ] shall again also I'm trying to be a good dad despite everything and I might be able to be a buffer to protect my kid from her i sleepwalk through every day in the haze of unreality mostly I just daydream about what would happen if she and the kid died in a car crash or something my life would be so good now I'd be fine with just her going I'm basically a single dad already with an invalid spewing bike at me from the couch it would be easier without her good people get taken for no reason every day as for me maybe I'll get lucky and die young not exactly my situation but it's similar I just had to get this out and tell someone we've been married for nearly 10 years high school sweethearts married at 19 because the military has a way of coercing those kind of major life decisions on young kids speaking of kids we have known we always have just told each other sometime soon I she focused on her education in dead while I was in the military and spending most of my time deployed she obtained three degrees worked hard to obtain a professional license in her field I finished up my military service and I'm a third-year college student now back to the kids thing many of our couple friends are pregnant in this of course opened the door for a serious conversation my wife picked a date this fall to go on vacation jet away and start trying for a baby here's the hang-up I'm mostly certainly transgender I've always felt off I never felt quite comfortable in my own skin I've wrestled with feelings that I was broken or assembled improperly I struggled to feel manly or masculine which was one of the motivating factors to join the military after high school I was hoping it would solidify my machismo and I could push away those feelings once and for all it kind of worked for a time but coming home from deployments and spending time at home the feelings of not liking being a man crept back in I explored my femininity through secret closeted cross-dressing in these moments while dressed up I felt whole complete and at peace with myself in the world yet I simultaneously felt insane amounts of shame and guilt so I didn't cross dress often maybe less than ten times in a span of seven years for the longest time I would stare at myself in the mirror looking for feminine features in my face always happy when I could find one I look at women and I don't even list after them I just appreciate them and have waves of jealously that they get to live their lives as women in the last year we had a family member move out of our house college-age sibling graduated and I took the opportunity of a quieter house to explore my other side I dressed up more often and learned more about myself I pushed away from many of my military friends since they alpha male high testosterone mentality just disgusts me I just want to be gentle loving and kind my best friend is a good person but he constantly pokes fun at the SJW movement and LGBTQ Plus communities this hurts me deep inside and I have reduced my contact with him to insulate myself in this same period I started doing research into gender issues and read many stories about transgender folks both uplifting stories and living nightmares other and there is a term and psychological diagnosis for what I experienced gender dysphoria it felt relieving to know my feelings were recognized I wasn't just some freak through my self exploration and education I no longer felt shame just guilt that I was hiding this from my wife so now that she pinned down a date for Parenthood I felt trapped in a corner I had to tell her how I truly feel inside I know it's not fair to her to have kept this from her for so long I had hoped I could just keep it buried deep down and suppress my oddness but the feelings haven't abated they have only grown stronger and stronger I just didn't know how to tell her she is a very sweet girl quite vanilla and mostly inside the box I love her to pieces but I know this would be far from her more conservative viewpoints a turning point was when I looked in the mirror one afternoon and I couldn't recognise the odd man staring back at me he seemed like a total stranger this messed with my head and I had trouble acting normal my wife picked up on it asking me why I seemed so sad I in had to tell her I couldn't just enter the age of parenthood without her knowing about me after an hour of crying until holding me I finally told her I don't like being a man this was two months ago life has been in turmoil since I confessed to her she is struggling with her identity and role she is heartbroken and says having children is no longer an option she has no dreams or goals as they all centered around children she says she wants to be married to her man and doesn't want to look like a lesbian she had a rough night while I was away and engaged in some minor self-harm since she has gone to her doctor and is now on antidepressants I know she is sticking around with hopes I can just work with my therapist and determine my feelings of wanting to be a woman are not valid she cries most nights and our weekends are spent in anguish she keeps begging please please pick me and says she hopes she is worthy do you know how hard it is to hear her pleading I'm so [ __ ] torn I don't want to keep living a lie but I love my wife and need her I see what this is doing to her and feel like a total piece of [ __ ] like a literal garbage human being the worst part is this isn't [ __ ] conscious and poor decision I made that is ripping her heart out like if I cheated or something this is feeling of my identity and who I am deep down the real me I have no idea what to do if I choose to pursue transition I will surely lose my marriage if I choose not to I don't know how I can keep on living out the rest of my life as a lie I'm so lost and scared this world is cruel this isn't exactly my situation as I have always loved and been attracted to my husband but somehow feel the need to chime in apologies in advance for how long this is we didn't always have a great relationship Phibes and breakups abounded throughout the course of our eight years together the defining chapter however happened only last year on New Year's Eve of 2015 I found out that I was pregnant due August 26th of 2016 he and I had actually been through a couple accidental pregnancies before but those pregnancies were blighted ovum 'he's basically an embryo develops without a heartbeat at the time of this latest pregnancy we both had turned 30 were finally financially stable and owned a home this was our time we were excited when we found out we were having a girl we decided upon the name aleena physically pregnancy was not as hard as I thought it would be it was the mental aspect that got me though our fights which were relatively frequent anyway got worse and yes I also look back on this time and wonder how it possibly could have affected what ultimately happened but all that is null and void now a part of our past around the 8th month of my pregnancy however something changed he apologized and stated that he would start genuinely trying to be the person that I and his daughter needed him to be we then had a solid few weeks of bliss before it happened at my 37 week appointment my jinn ecologist got the heart big machine out and searched like she'd done many times before while my chattered away about how much I loved the lavender color we had painted Ellis playroom that past weekend I stopped talking when I realized it had been a couple minutes without hearing a heartbeat she put the Machine down side and told me she was so sorry but there was no hard beat that I should call the hospital and pre check-in to be induced because it wasn't good to leave this sort of thing to chance I walked to my car called him and said he needed to come home from work right away I managed to keep the tears away just long enough to drive home and park my car I noticed her Cardinal flew over and perched on our outdoor table very close to my car and stayed for what seemed like forever until it flew away when he pulled into the driveway we both got out and hugged each other our tears staining each other's clothes as we sobbed in the middle of our driveway in the middle of the day I'll never forget the silence of our neighborhood only permeated by our cries and the songs of the birds we got into bed and hugged and cried he held onto me as I called the hospital to pre check-in as I asked them to give me about three hours to get ready I got into the shower to wash my hair and there he appeared with me we let our tears mix with the water as we hugged and cried more hoping that we could feel a kick a movement anything but there was nothing he never left my side for my entire stay in the hospital five days and four nights saved for a couple trips back to our house to get things I needed while we were waiting on the induction process when the time came he held one of my legs and my hand as I labored to give birth to our daughter I knew that she was here because I saw his face change and he stifles and sobs after we had said our final goodbyes to her I was moved into a regular room and he slept with me in that teeny-tiny hospital bed for the next two nights I didn't know what was going to happen in life from that point on but I knew that I'd seen a side of him that I'd never seen before not long after I got out of the hospital he started on antidepressants I had always known he'd been a touch bit fuller but it was incredible a different size or in him after he started taking it not only were we both different by what we had experienced we discovered how to in general be kinder to each other by December he and I knew what had to be done we married in a beautiful ceremony on March 4th 2017 attended by almost 150 members of our family and friends we are still trying to conceive again actually since we got the green light by my doctor last year my doctor is still very hopeful and assure that we have just had a string of bad luck so we are hoping our new lie what bliss will bring about some good luck soon thank you so much for watching the whole video please leave a like and subscribe

Channel: Slime King

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Keywords: high school, reddit stories, askreddit funny, askreddit scary, reddit top posts, askreddit comedy, comment awards, askreddit, top posts, dankify reddit, brainydude reddit, tz reddit, r/, askreddit creepy stories, toadfilms, reddit and chill, middle school, middle school cringe, teacher, pupil, parrents, tantrum, askreddit friends, askreddit secrets, askreddit parents, family secrets, askreddit kids

Id: T5DIJVF2FrQ

Length: 34min 36sec (2076 seconds)

Published: Fri Nov 29 2019