People Reveal Their Most Suspicious Google Searches - (r/AskReddit)

our slash ass credit what something you googled completely innocently that you realized sounded super suspicious I googled how to make meth ingredients and math what is the team what makes meth blue how much does meth cost I was watching Breaking Bad and needed answers well if the other searches got you put on a list the blue one probably got you taken off since as far as I know the blue color was completely fictional and invented by the show to make Walters project more visually striking if though I remember hearing real meth dealers started using blue food coloring after the show so go figure if meth dealers started using blue food coloring maybe I am back on the list every time I hear that I think won't it be potentially unsafe to smoke or snort food coloring then I remember it's ducking meth my body is a temple I only smoke organic additive free meth so how did your first batch turn out nice try FBI not today CIA nice attempt at obscurity Department of Homeland Security can't get me KGB how to kill a child I meant how to terminate a child processing see Google had my back though programming stuff was the first result how to remove unresponsive slaves Google receives search term hey oh we've got a live one Google looks at history Oh sigh here you go then it's a murderer looks at search history shudders it's a nerd it's a murderer we finally got one oh wait it's just another nerd ah luckily there are more programmers using the search than murderers make sure you kill children before the parents because you don't want any orphans I was putting together a flier or something there was a picture or a meme of a rather large man giving a thumbs up I wanted to use that picture so I did a google image search thinking I would find it I googled thumbs up fat man and I've never been the same edit not that it needs to be said but it involved many thumbs up Fatman remember you always have to talk to Google like it's a baby with an extensive knowledge of porn I love that sentence edit I just realized I was researching Magic the Gathering cards and was interested in the rat people named Nezumi apparently Nezumi is a prevalent rule 34 artists and Goodling Nezumi rat took me somewhere that no living soul should tread I have no idea what the hell that is and I'm too scared to google it rule 34 of the Internet if it exists or can be conceived there is porn of it somewhere rule 35 if it doesn't currently exist it is in the works right now I was helping to host my friend's wedding shower at my mom's house and my mom told me the shower would be mother / daughter I didn't know what that meant so I googled mother daughter shower on my work computer yet all the results were porn I had to write my boss an incident report thang technology that modern phones allow us to not utilize company into webs for arbitrary searches my bosses would be having a field day with how much reddit I use did you ever find out I'm curious what's a mother-daughter shower it's just a wedding shower where mother and daughter pairs are invited a lot of family friends were included so there were lots of women that the bride's mother was friends with and the bride grew up with their daughters for years it made sense in context but I was afraid I would have to buy a gift for the mother of the bride or you wouldn't be allowed in without a mom or daughter or something incident report hello mister boss I'm writing to tell you that I accidentally googled porn on the work computer while trying to research what a mother-daughter bridal showers please don't think I'm into kinky [ __ ] I mean I am but please don't think it your employee Nami Harrison hello Nami Harrison why you googling bridal showers at work your boss mr. boss hello mr. boss as I've said please don't think it your employee Nami Harrison last year when that soccer team from Thailand was stuck in the cave I was pretty enthralled with the story the situation was constantly evolving so I would check in on it pretty frequently for any updates one night after getting home from the bar and possibly slurring a word or two I asked Siri to do a search for Asian boys soccer team she said okay here's what I found for Asian boys sucking teams she was promptly reprimanded Siri is the worst I can't remember exactly what I was searching for but it definitely wasn't a scope like Siri thought bleached accur son's autism I saw an article about it and googled it but I have a son who isn't autistic but I could see how that Google search could seem Shady but I have a son who isn't autistic anymore doctors hate him find out this man's one trick to cure autism instantly thanks Clorox did he retain his vibrant color asking for a friend how to sell drugs online fast it's a German Netflix show and a way to make money from the comfort of your own home well even if you wanted to you just made the first mistake looking up how much blood comes out when someone gets their throat slit for writing I feel like you could look up a lot of things and just say it's for something I'm writing as a great cover if I ever look up something to actually like murder someone or something I'm definitely gonna pull that sometimes when researching stuff for writing I'll add another search going I'm writing a book please don't worry in the hopes that if I ever end up on a watch list they'll see it and understand XD I'm pretty sure Google wasn't around yet at least well known when this happened but when I was in the seventh grade we were putting in a URL of our first names and calm at the end that's how I learned I shared the same name as a very popular adult film star at the time so that was neat and my school didn't seem to have the good sense to block any websites maybe that also wasn't a thing yet either I don't know I'm talking 1997 here so suddenly I had a monitor covered in boobs and vag a was not my favorite day in school I had a similar experience in seventh grade when I wanted to look up stuff about the government on a library computer turns out White House dot-com is very different from White House Gulf I think this was around 1995 and a big picture of weird limb booty porn fill of the screen and was clearly visible from the librarians desk fun fact I remember reading an article about the guy that made the site and before he sold it in the early 2000s he was making $1 million a year just from that traffic it brought him I too went there on a library computer in middle school there was a famous rock musician that was caught with child porn and claimed he was just doing research I couldn't remember his name so I did a quick google search child porn just research rock star but did you find out his name asking for a friend Pete Townsend it was indeed Pete Townsend of the home I wanted to find out what Yale Aleta with Jeremy Irons was released top link on Google was all a warning child pornography is illegal way to make me feel gross how many pints of blood can you lose before you die depends on how forgiving the blood bank is idk if this counts but I wanted to look up hamster furniture because I remember seeing hamster sized couches at Petsmart I don't remember what I googled exactly but I got cast in couch vids from hamster sometimes you choose poor sometimes porn chooses you I hate when it chooses me when I'm just doing research for a project I guess that's what happens when you look up big titty goth GF how to kill parent without killing child really hope the FBI knows this was a coding question see just don't ever free the child Java kill them all there's 15 creepers outside and it's night what do I do minecraft do you have your bow stack up a bit all things I've googled in a single year international relations security policy and behavioral psychology double major with multicultural causes of suicide as a thesis topic taking a senior class on terrorism yep I'm on a warped cliff somewhere for sure Syrian pilot burned alive isis video execution methods in radical extremism isis propaganda debbik how to make a pipe bomb suicide statistics across the world lone-wolf terrorism man that must have been a tough year i was buying my girlfriend a bikini and google girls bikinis if you ever in the same situation i cannot emphasize enough the term you are looking for is women's women's bikinis not girls no matter how old I get I still think of women my own age as girls I would agree Google and I fair a jury wouldn't wouldn't you just search for bikinis obviously our girlfriend didn't want a men's bikini I want to kill the President of the United States of America who would be able to remember that the video is titled it's illegal to say I once thought very new to internet at the time also about ten years old that there was porn made specifically for children so I searched up child porn on Google everything kept saying it was illegal and I am thinking well your cuz you've gotta be 18 to buy porn sir than I in my brilliance Google legal child porn I am just glad I was 10 at the time and a ducking idiot edit thanks for the gold it will go towards repairing the childhood trauma yep I remember googling nude 13-year old when I was 13 and discovering porn hey this porn thing is pretty cool I wonder if there's any of people my own age parents have been arrested for this how do people even get caught with child porn for real just search legal child porn yes mhm you're playing four dimensional chess calling the FBI now have to get you off the streets it's okay it's legal child porn so I baked and if you want to make good pretzels or bagels you really need to use lie also while I was a paramedic I found out how useful disposable gloves can be particularly if you are going to be working with substances like lye so I bought a large number 1000 I think gloves around the same time I bought some lie around this time my wife who is getting a PhD in psychology and law was researching penalties for various crimes so she was googling things like punishment for arson and punishments for various levels of manslaughter / murder we are totally on a list now sorry what's lie isn't that used for cleaning like dishes and stuff and dissolving bodies I believe black booties I was looking for a cute style of boots which comes up to your ankle and has a high heel you want ankle boots I remember when I was in fifth grade I was playing clash of clans with this elder kid had to be around 18 who took a liking to me but could tell how young and innocent I was he told me to look up super sexy cream pie for a recipe on how to make a cream pie that was amazing I clicked on the first result and realized quickly it wasn't a cooking tutorial what a ducking weirdo for most googled alexis texas in class during middle school I had no idea who she was and a friend told me to look her up completely out of the blue I guess he felt bad because he stopped me a split second before I hit Enter is human red meat I wanted to know if we even categorized our own meat in the first place and I know that my meat is red in color how to die painlessly Google never gives me the answer just helplines I honestly want to know how to do it so when I need to die I can do that I don't want to be kept a human potato when I'm SuperDuper old edit guys please stop sending me ways to kill myself and asking about the meat just read the other comments the answers are there Big Daddy white my own Ness I was trying to find the G for the little kid saying that from the movie a distant where I love looking at Google Earth and love military planes so I googled f-22 squad and based in the US found all of them and then Google Earth to them it was so cool seeing the planes on the tarmac oil stains where planes typically wear but they weren't there when the image was taken etc wanting to see how planes move there i bookmarked each of the bases and saved the coordinates with the intention of checking in every few months as the Google Earth imagery updated it wasn't until a few hours later I realized that I just searched for the majority of US air power found their location on Google Earth and bookmarked the coordinates if that didn't get me on a watch list I don't know what will lol uranium enrichment process is for science project yes science project very good science comrades I was trying to find the game SCP containment breach to download it but I couldn't remember the name so I typed CP free download as it was the closest thing I could remember I only realised it a few minutes later but I'm sure I must be on a watch list by now edit autocorrect error clubpenguin free download let's hope the FBI thinks so too volume of female human head was trying to prove that a cyborg named alpha was less than 7% woman since it's only human component was it said in that same session I also looked up density of human brain and weight off female head but for some reason those seem more abstract and normal than asking for the water displacement of a woman's head can blowing air into vagina kill people my girlfriend better watch her ass it can yep it can let the shock and other stuff yikes today I learned it's pretty rare plus the amount of air required is high relatively it's similar to how injecting air into the bloodstream can induce a heart attack this threat has been oddly educational not googled but will soon a friend recommended a moving company called something like to college studs and I need to get a quote soon not really suspicious but I googled Grindr trying to tell someone about CR is PR on a work computer once that was awkward how long does it take for a body to fully decay while exposed to the elements please don't flag me I'm a writer every writer in existence has entered the chat is it easier to kill an orphan than it is to kill a random child of the same age I can answer that for you no it is not perhaps you meant is it easier to get away with killing an orphan can't answer that one how do you make a nuclear bomb I was getting a bit too carried away while researching for a science project use a South American VPN and start a war how easy is to break someone's neck like in the movies I googled it like 10 minutes ago thanks for watching mate make sure to smash that like button and subscribe for more high quality content

Channel: Sir Reddit

Views: 682,647

Rating: 4.9315987 out of 5

Keywords: reddit, askreddit, askreddit funny, top posts, top posts of r/, r/, r/askreddit, reddit top posts, reddit cringe, comedy, reddit compilation, top posts of all time, askreddit question, askreddit top posts, ask reddit, askreddit reading, subreddit, reddit stories, best of r/askreddit, funny reddit, best reddit posts, best of reddit, reddit google search, naught searches, suspicious searches, how to kill a child, murder

Id: VwnnBwKwx5s

Length: 15min 57sec (957 seconds)

Published: Wed Jul 24 2019