Parks and Recreation | Every Cold Open (Season 2 Part 1)

okay here's the situation your parents went away on a week's vacation they left the keys to the brand new porsche would they mine well of course not i'll just take it for a little spin and maybe show it off to a couple of friends i'll just cruise around the neighborhood well maybe i shouldn't yeah of course i should pay attention here's the thick of the plot i pulled up to the corner at the end of my block that's when i saw this beautiful girly girl walking i picked up my car phone to perpetrate like i was talking sun roof was open the music was high and that girl's hand was steadily moving up my thigh she had opened up three buttons on her shirt so far i guess that's why i didn't notice that police car i can't believe it i made a mistake my parents are the same no matter time nor place so to all you kids all across the land no need to argue parents just don't understand all right thank you thank you just a little something i know so what's up uh someone is on fire and ram's at park they need you to get down there right away oh my god i just want to check one last time that you're okay about this date with mark oh my god i'm so fine with it ann seriously it's so fine as long as you and i are cool you know my code hose before bros uterus is before deuters got it ovaries before braveries hmm you make such good coffee look i know you're saying you're okay with it but i've been in this position before and i had a friend who dated an ex and i said i was okay but i wasn't actually it was kind of weird but the thing is mark isn't my ex you know we slept together six years ago anyway i'm over it or am i i'm just kidding oh this is one of my greatest brainstorms ever a community garden right in the middle of the pit we're encouraging people to just come out and plant whatever they want and tom and i sometimes get here early and help out it's so hot i had to get some more iced tea people have just really embraced this and planted the coolest stuff and tom is our master of horticulturist he knows all the scientific names for everything right tom yeah like this what's this tom um those are of course tomatoes or soulja boy tellers whenever leslie asked me for the latin names of any of our plants i just gave her the names of rappers and those over there uh those are some deities there's some uh bone thugs and harmoniums right here growing beautifully those ludicrouses are coming in great look someone planted something new what's this what do you think carrots that's true we have a garden past on our hands maybe some kind of spice yeah you know leslie the best way to figure out what kind of spice that is is roll it up into a joint and smoke it good morning everyone couple announcements as we all know ron is recovering from his hernia surgery so i got him flowers from all of us so everybody needs to pitch in like 90 90 yes because i ordered a beautiful bouquet of daffodils from a website after a few glasses of wine so tom i think you might be getting some daffodils too donna you're definitely getting some jerry i don't know i'm not sure time will tell also i'm leaving early tonight because i am a judge in the miss pawnee beauty pageant well well you get to be a judge in that thing yes and it's a responsibility i take very seriously but i want to be a judge can't believe you like beauty pageants april whoever miss pawnee is is gonna be the representative of womanhood in our town and as a judge let me assure you that this year's miss pawnee will be chosen for her talent and poise whoa the girls from town and boys are gonna be there what talent and poise this is a strip club by the va hospital i have some meetings there ugh it's disgusting no what's disgusting is the glitter factory do not go to the glitter factory and to my wife i apologize all i can say is i wasn't just having sex i was making love to a beautiful woman and her boyfriend and a third person whose name i never learned furthermore it was wrong of me to say i was building houses for the underprivileged when i was actually having four-way sex in a cave in brazil i bet cave sex is insane why because of the echoes and the humidity in my defense it was my birthday and i really wanted to do it i think it's a real shame when people focus on the tawdry details of a scandal personally all i care about is councilman dexhart's policies not whether he was high on nitrous and cocaine during the cave sex which by the way i heard he was one more shocking revelation in a story that just won't stop unfolding it turns out councilman dexhart may have also had sex with the prostitute in the limousine on the way to and from the press conference where he apologized for having an affair perd hapley channel why does anybody want to run for public office you're just asking to have your entire life exposed well if you're squeaky clean like i am there's no problem tom you're married and you hit on women constantly yeah but i've never sealed a deal just window shopping you can fly to brazil just don't enter the cave am i right up top today we are welcoming a delegation from the parks department of our sister city baracqua venezuela our photo op with the mayor is tomorrow at 3 p.m so i'm gonna need your suggestions about my wardrobe asap i told you gold sequin sweatpants also remember everyone venezuela is a poor country these men are not used to the wealth and flash that we have here in central indiana our only job over the next two days is to make these men feel at home yes i am a little nervous pawnee has kind of a tricky history with welcoming foreign visitors but things have changed our guests are going to stay in a motel for sure we noticed abnormal activity in your credit card so we just need you to confirm or deny some of the recent charges okay thank you twenty dollars to netflix yup twenty dollars to blockbuster online both i needed all 11 discs of a gossip girl at the same time 120 in tuition to hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry they give you a little wand and a diploma it's fun would you major in potions you know i'm gonna take you off speaker phone go ahead jessica simpson clip and hair extensions no okay um i wore those ones it was a money back guarantee but i forgot to return them man pillow the pillow shaped like a man oh god also something called bucket of cake yeah you know what i think someone definitely stole my credit card so why don't you just cancel it do you want to hear what else they purchased yes no um you don't have to refund anything just cancel the credit card and we'll all go on with our lives thank you so what does a man pillow look like daniel craig it's for my lower back the parks lady right yeah that's right i'm the parks lady leslie knope and i'm here to tell you that this year it ends oh this kid makes me crazy we got a history greg and i he absolutely terrorizes the park system every halloween someone defaces the statue of mayor percy in ramsett park and i know it's greg pochitas but i've never been able to prove it he's like an invisible adolescent james bond supervillain criminal mastermind or maybe someone else is doing it but i really feel like it's this kid got the entire parks department watching you my boyfriend's a cop so don't even try it i don't know what you're talking about oh i think you do it ends today monkitus it ends two days thanks for stopping by leslie you look great thank you ends today thank you old gus for brightening our lives our hearts and most importantly our shoes this truly is a day of mixed emotions for me i'm sad that old gus is leaving but it allows me to help andy restart his life as pioneer hall's new shoeshine guy well i've been listening to your boring speeches for the last 50 years and now it's time for you to listen to one of mine [Laughter] you know a day like this makes a man reflect upon his life and i've come to the conclusion that i've completely wasted mine [Laughter] and just for the record i never ever liked being called old guts i didn't understand it when i was in my 20s and i sure hate it now so go to hell every single one of you screw pony and screw your damn shoes yeah oh god this is classic okay as everybody knows the spirit of pawnee was defaced again last night what was it this time chocolate pudding huh that's new the mural that normally resides here is called the spirit of pawnee and it's very controversial we've had someone throw acid at it tomato sauce someone tried to stab it once we really need better security here we also need better less offensive history so the city council has decided that the spirit of pawnee should be changed to something just a little less horrifying now since the murals were made by government employees back in the 1930s we thought it might be fun if each department submitted the design for a new mural and you'll submit your concepts tomorrow afternoon all righty folks thank you very much hey leslie what's your design going to be tree joe you work in sewage your department literally specializes in crap you really want to do this i told you before crap is a slang term and i don't like that term but at least we don't specialize in losing like you guys sewage let's roll damn how does sewage always get the hottest interns and i'm like wow it's pretty great having andy working in the building the guy is so much fun his new thing piggyback rides anytime you want piggyback piggyback move pick it back bam pick it back bam mark brand dang a woods [Music] giddy up giddy up oh councilman hauser hello hello did you get my proposal for the uh possible rezoning of lot 48 i uh have been busy i know but i think it would be a really great thing for the neighborhood i don't doubt it but it's really a question of resource allocation and i completely understand that but you and i both know that if we want to find the money we can i'm running late oh i'll walk with you see the thing is when we allocate money for parks leslie what's up ron i'm gonna need you to go up to the bureau of motor vehicles on the fourth floor we gotta talk ourselves out of this late registration fee for the parks van come on i don't wanna go to the fourth floor that is the creepiest place on earth the fourth floor is awful the bmv divorce filings probation offices uh they put a popcorn machine up there just to brighten things up but they used the wrong kind of oil and a bunch of people had to get their throats replaced they'll only talk to you or me and i can't go because i don't want to um [Music] okay hey boo you're pretty thank you sir are you on probation i got clean urine you need female i got a female i'm good thank you hey you clean yeah i buy two [Applause] [Laughter] i know we now go live to councilman bill dexhart who's giving a press conference about his sex scandal you are getting a rare glimpse at this exclusive government-only event each december one department puts on a show that spoofs what happened in our town prepare to laugh your asnoff sid asnoff is a former city councilman some of the jokes are sort of inside councilman dexhart you're involved in yet another scandal that's crazier than mayor gunderson's dog rufus yes there is a new one and it's a doozy i don't want to go into the details but let me just say that it involves multiple women a love child nurses rabbis priests well i hope you can all join me in my fundraiser tonight i am being supported of course by the glitter factory and 1-800 mattress [Music] but at least the raccoon infestation is under control time [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] you

Channel: Peacock

Views: 686,787

Keywords: peacock, peacock tv, peacock streaming service, parks and recreation, parks and recreation cold opens, parks and rec, parks and recreation season 2, leslie knope, parks and recreation scene, parks and recreation clip, amy poehler, chris pratt, nick offerman, aubrey plaza, aziz ansari

Id: sPJfWMm0ZWI

Length: 15min 1sec (901 seconds)

Published: Mon Aug 30 2021